Mommies are people too

by Deborah Cruz

With great power comes great responsibility.Don’t we know it. We’ve all come to Motherhood, for better or worse, because we wanted to love a child.The thing is, I don’t think any of us thought it completely through. How could we? We were not equipped with all the facts. No one told me that from the moment of  conception, I would henceforth be completely forgoing any and all of my own needs, wants, and desires. I don’t mean things like going to bars, staying up all night, blowing a wad of cash on useless crap. No, I am referring to the basics like going to the bathroom alone, showering for more than 3 minutes,having the luxury of shaving my legs, waxing my lip,  being able to eat a warm meal, being able to read a book that wasn’t about a Toad or a Frog, being able to get an entire sentence out of my mouth before being interrupted, being able to actaully spend time with my husband as spouses and not Mommy and Daddy. The shame of it all is that its not only expected of Mommies, it’s practically demanded. Every time I feel like I might want some thing ( however small it may be) for myself ( a goal, a minute, a dream), I can feel all of society giving me that look, you know the one . The “you made your bed now lie in it ” look!
I feel like Motherhood makes women superheroes, dually a blessing and a curse. A blessing because it is fantastic that we can mean so much to our children, when they are small but at the same time a curse, as we are expected to do all things, at all times, for all those we love with the exception of ourselves.If you dare break from script, then you get crowned a right selfish bitch. You are made to feel guilty for wanting needing to be something more.  How dare you want to be a person? Oh wait, you are a person.You are human and as such you deserve such basic human rights as freedom to live and say and do what YOU want.; to enjoy a drink that I poured myself without having to worry if someone is back washing in it or spilling it, to be able to hear yourself think, to sleep for increments larger than 3 hours, to be able to have an hour a day to pursue your dream, hell, to have a dream.
I realize I’ve made my bed, and I love my bed, but sometimes Mommy needs someone else to take responsibility for making the bed so I can go out and enjoy a latte with my girlfriends like an adult; like a real person with real thoughts, real feelings, and limitations. With limitations come meltdowns when we are pushed beyond our breaking point. Don’t feel less of a Mother for this, feel more. If we don’t break down once in awhile and always power through, we are doing a disservice to our babies. We have our meltdown, we step back, we breathe, we rejuvenate, and we come out the other side a better Mommy, a better person. Just keep in mind, my fellow superheroes…Mommies are people too!

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10 comments

katiegirl 2010/06/17 - 1:19 am

Amen to that.
Mummy has been having a meltdown here today. Not my proudest moment, but I sure did feel better after a good rant at the top of my voice.

Reply
The Ingredient Detective 2010/06/17 - 1:19 am

Amen to that.
Mummy has been having a meltdown here today. Not my proudest moment, but I sure did feel better after a good rant at the top of my voice.

Reply
parenting ad absurdum 2010/06/17 - 11:41 am

I read once that it's good for your children to see you get frustrated – if you talk about it with them afterwards, it can help them understand that Mommy gets upset too, and it's not just them – and then you can talk about tools to handle frustration.

Or you could just go to the spa…

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Organic Motherhood with Cool Whip 2010/06/17 - 12:35 pm

AMEN, sister!!! I loved this post. Because everything you said is so true. And I've had all of those thoughts. Esp. "to enjoy a drink that I poured myself without having to worry if someone is back washing in it or spilling it, to be able to hear yourself think, to sleep for increments larger than 3 hours, to be able to have an hour a day to pursue your dream, hell, to have a dream." Sometimes it feels like it is wrong to want these things, but you are right. It isn't wrong. Mommies are people too. And it doesn't make us selfish to have needs, wants, desires. Even if we will never get to drink an unbackwashed juice again or go to the toilet alone. No matter how much we want to.

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Casey 2010/06/17 - 5:40 pm

I am going to follow what all the others said Amen girl!

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Sassy Pants Freckle Face 2010/06/17 - 6:35 pm

LOVE THAT!!! Itis lovely when your children tell you it is time to shave,…

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Sarah 2010/06/18 - 7:26 am

Amen to that. Now, if I could just get my husband to understand that……

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Lanita @ A Mother's Hood 2010/06/18 - 12:17 pm

As my therapist would say, "Quit shoulding on yourself."

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