It seems for some reason, the same crazy notion that makes people think they have an unspoken carte blanche permission to rub our Mommy bellies when we are pregnant segues into being allowed to judge our every thought and action after we become a parent. It doesn’t matter who we are or what we do, we are at the mercy of other people’s judgement almost always. Sometimes that judgement becomes too much and we need to step back and regroup. I’ve felt this pressure heavier than usual lately, or perhaps it’s just settling on my heart a little more, either way I need some catharsis. I need an outlet for the stress. I needed a little Depakote for my Mommy soul. I came up with this, I’ve decided to write an open letter to my assailants and I must say I found it highly cathartic.
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Dear You ( you know who you are),
Judgy Mommy
This conversation has been a long time coming. Your condescension, flippant attitude and the demeaning way you talk to me makes me want to stick you in the eyeballs with a dull, rusty object. Yes, both..that’s how much you annoy me. Polite society says that I need to be nice to you. That I need to smile, say please and thank you and may I have another but I don’t want to. I want to scream at the top of my lungs for you to shut the fuck up and get out of my way. I want to pull you by the hair and punch you in the face. I realize this is not the ladylike behavior one would come to expect from a grown woman, no matter how foul mouthed, lazy or unfit for the task that she may be accused of being.
I thought perhaps that I should seek some medical attention, a little prescription perspective but then I realized I don’t want to botox my emotions. Why should I have to take precaution when you are the one with the issue? I can’t say this to your face for many, many reasons but I won’t utter it beneath my breath or behind your back either. That’s just not how I roll. You know my heart. You can see through the plastered polite smile. You KNOW what wrongs you’ve done.
This is my scream into the pillow before my head explodes. This letter is saving us both a lot of aggravation and uncomfortable conversations. I have to say that I am exhausted from all the giving and feeling quite battered from all the taking you have done. Piece by piece, you’ve chipped away at my soul and my spirit. But I’m still here, bursting with will and navigating my way. You criticize but I am loving my littles and pushing forward.
I do my best to be my best but it never seems good enough for you. I’ve come to realize, though not less painful, that you are the one with the problem. Your shortcomings have cheated me, not the other way around. I have done the best I can with what I have. I am sorry I am not what you expected or wanted but again, this is your issue. I hope someday you realize just exactly what a disappointment you have been to others with your judging eyes and condescending nods. I smile my polite smile and power through the pain for I am stronger than you have ever given me credit for being.
You’ve cheated yourself. I’m better than you deserve and more than you could have hoped for. I’m tired of giving and that damn polite smile is about to give way to an honesty so brutal that you will be forced to look yourself in the mirror and know that monster that you really are. I hope this has made you happy, making everyone else miserable. I hope the satisfaction of being condescending can make up for the lack of genuine love and respect that anyone has for you. Always remember, you get what you give in this life and you, my dear, have given nothing but pain and aggravation.
Yours truly,
Every Mommy
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14 comments
Yay! Well said!!!!
Thank you. It feels better off my chest than on my heart:)
Best letter EVER.
Thank you.Sometimes you just have to get this kind of stuff out and into the atmosphere. It really was quite cathartic:)
I know someone I’d like to mail this to… from me! Sheesh! Way to vent it out sister! Better to get it out than let it keep on chipping at your heart!
Even better?? You wrote it WELL. MAJOR props for that!
Thanks Sarah! Figured I should try and write it well, wouldn’t want to give the person I was writing it to any more reason for condescension:)
Mmmmm… I just had a little catharsis reading that. It’s true… you get what you give… three fold.
I feel sorry for those who judge so much. The higher you stick your nose, the thinner the air.
xoxoxo
This is so true.I love that you understand this. I think most moms do but I just don’t know why some feel the same yet they still look down their noses at other mothers. Can’t we all just get along? Besides, I really just need to accept that people put others under a microscope to keep their own insecurities at bay.But that still doesn’t stop me from wanting to poke em in the eyeballs:)LOL (I’m so dramatic…hmm, Debi, tantrum much:)
Want me to kick someone’s ass for you?
Oh, if only it were that easy. Unfortunately for me, I have to see these people on the regular. I’m good now. I just needed to vent about it. If they read it, so be it:)LOL
We harbor so many feelings inside that we don’t share. I’m so glad you wrote this letter to let it out. Hopefully the process of writing it gave you some peace. I’ve written a few letters in my journal to people close in my life, letters I won’t give to them. But by writing the letters I learned more about myself, the situation, and possibly why these people are who they are. Still, the feelings are there, but maybe the passion isn’t as much. I feel calmer, a bit.
The letter was definitely cathartic. Getting it out on “paper” and out of myself causing stress has def been a move in the right direction. I am learning though that I need to speak to people about their behaviors when I am calm but not wait too long. I don’t have time or energy to harbor hurts but I also can’t let everything go. I think civil, rational discussion is the best way to go. Sometimes I am a little more mature than even I expect:)LOL
Touché! Well said. Can’t stand thos judgy mommies, either. There are judgy daddies, too, like the one who told me that punishing a child is wrong because it evokes feelings of shame and instead we must just ignore them(?) when they’re being bad.
To clarify: he was talking about how even time out is abusive to children. Not beating them or taking away their fricking ipod.
Holla!! Tell it like it is girl!