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Bloggers are Full of Shit

by Deborah Cruz

Bloggers are full of shit. Some of them anyways. I’ve recently noticed a trend among a few select bloggers who specifically go against the grain just to stir the pot. I am not bashing male bloggers, some of my favorite people on the Internet are dad bloggers but there are a few who have been hitting a nerve. It’s like Rush Limbaugh and Howard Stern had a devil baby who is a pathological liar. You know who I’m talking about. Bloggers are story tellers, some truth, some fiction and then sometimes a little bit of creative license (bullshitting if you will) mixed in just to keep things interesting.

I not saying that they post on the occasional controversial topic. We all do that. These particular “bloggers” are all drama, all the time. They’re so full of shit, I’m not even sure if they know the difference between what’s real and what’s made up anymore. It’s exhausting just reading. I can’t imagine how taxing it must be to actually be the one trying to keep all that shit straight. Controversial things happen and we have opinions that is natural and hey, if we’re being honest, it’s not being a troll to throw your name in the hat for consideration by the almighty Google. What I am referring to is the intentional and habitual abuse of salacious titles and creating controversy where there is none just for the sheer joy of pissing people off and increasing traffic. Stop fanning the flames of the mommy war or any war for that matter. Matt Walsh I’m looking at you.

We’ve all fallen prey to these sort of blog posts. It either turns out to be the old bait and switch or the post is so outlandish that you think your head might explode Scanners style while reading it, all while assuming that you must be getting punked. Surely, this is not intended to be taken seriously. When did the guy next door turn into a rabid Bill O’Reilly? Maybe he took some bath salts or got a bad batch of Krokodil before sitting down to type, either way, this dude is a little bit batshit crazy.

Look, I don’t mind a little creative license but fuck is any of it true anymore? Is everything just part of the “storyline” , added for effect? Stop superimposing yourself into the “mommy wars”, you don’t belong there. You are not a mommy. Stop creating controversy. We all know it’s bullshit and if you are going to keep writing it, for the love of God, man, can you give us a disclaimer that reads that this piece is fiction? I mean, at least do us the courtesy of not pretending that we are stupid and please stop writing press releases about it. It’s nothing personal guys, I just wish we could get something with a little more meat to it. Give me some of your truth.

It’s like when you are pissed at your sister, you can call her on her bullshit but nobody else better say a word? Well, it’s sort of like that. We women live as women and we may not walk in everyone’s shoes but at least we share the plumbing to have an inkling of what’s going on with other women, men do not; at least not from the firsthand perspective. Men are allowed to have an opinion about anything they want but if you don’t have breasts, a uterus, a vagina and clitoris,

I don’t care what you think I should do with mine because you have no point of personal reference.

*** I am only talking about ME, you are welcome to weigh in on your wives, daughters and loved ones.

Don’t tell me how I should feel about breastfeeding! Don’t tell me whether or not I should have a home birth or one at the hospital. Do NOT even try to give an opinion about whether my labor should be medicated or not. I don’t need your feelings on abortion, transvaginal ultrasounds, date rape, miscarriage, stay-at home, work-at-home or work-out-of-the-home. I don’t care what your opinion is about my breast size, breast augmentation or how, when, why I get pregnant.  I don’t need you to weigh in on what size my ass should be or how often I should be want sex. I don’t need you to intervene on our behalf to other women in the mommy wars. I’ve got it covered. I don’t need you to be my shining knight in this area. I have my husband for that. I don’t need you to tell me that I shouldn’t experience mommy guilt or worry about whether or not my perfect balancing act of helicopter mom and free-range mom are coming dangerously close to falling completely uncrunchy. I don’t need you to tell me how hard being a mother is, I know and I certainly don’t need any commentary from you on how I should feel or behave as a mother, me and my uterus got it covered.Thanks.

If you really want to contribute to the conversation be a more interested husband, engaged father, committed boyfriend. Worry about you. Treat women like people, not china on the highest shelf in the cabinet. Go commiserate with your fellow penis people. Just write about something real that you actually have experience with and if that includes miscarriage, abortion, breasts, stay-at-home parenting, work-at-home parenting or whatever else that may include go for it. But leave the stupid controversy on topics you have no experience with to someone better equipped to understand the situation.

End rant.

Has anyone else noticed this happening? What happens when the blogging veil comes down and you realize that the blogger you used to love is full of shit?

***Update, those of you who know me know that I am not a feminist, angry bitter person and I don’t mind sharing traffic so, per the advice of many dad bloggers, I added the links to those full-of-shit bloggers that I was referring to so you can all know I am not speaking to the general population. In fact, I even linked to a couple of my favorite dad bloggers just so you know they rock. You who have read me before today know that the Big Guy, my husband,  is my favorite person in the world and he is involved in every facet of parenting our children and he is my trusted confidant in all things in life. He gives me his honest opinion about everything because I respect what he thinks and he is usually my voice of reason and when it is something that he cannot personally relate to..like how it feels to give birth or labor for 13 hours or have your body fail you in a pregnancy, he is there to support me and reassure me that it will all be alright, as I am for him. I’m really not the C U Next Thursday, you all believe me to be.

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Leighann 2013/10/15 - 12:21 pm

Noticed! And MAN I LOVE THIS SO MUCH! Thank you for saying what so very many of us are thinking.

Deborah Cruz 2013/10/15 - 1:20 pm

@Leighann I love you so much! Thank you for not letting me feel alone in this. I knew I wasn’t the only one on to this bullshit:)

Meagan Francis 2013/10/15 - 1:10 pm

Haaaaaa! Omg yes. It’s just a couple of dad bloggers specifically that drive me nuts like that – so it’s not like I think dad bloggers are more full of crap than mom bloggers statistically 🙂 – but I DO think they tend to get more attention for their full-of-crap-ness, which is really grating. Especially when all of my non-blogger friends, who I think are less tuned-in to this sort of thing than we bloggers, are sharing and sharing and re-re-re-re-sharing this crap.

Deborah Cruz 2013/10/15 - 1:20 pm

@Meagan LOL! EXactly, all of my non-blogger friends share the shit out of those posts because they think they are legit and I am all like NOOOOOOO, it’s all bullshit. It’s pandering to the masses. There is no truth to any of it. Thank God, I am not the only one. I thought maybe I was just jaded but then my bullshit radar went off and I had to write it. So, they are duping our poor non-blogging friends and some of our fellow bloggers as well because numbers don’t lie and those posts sell.I find it particularly annoying that a dad blogger can say the exact same thing a mom blogger said the day before and she is called a feminist bitch and he is patted on the back for being “such a good guy”. HUH? What?

Meagan Francis 2013/10/15 - 1:22 pm

Let’s all start blogging about vasectomies and see what happens.

Deborah Cruz 2013/10/15 - 1:27 pm

Let’s do it and we can talk about it from the view of how our husbands would feel and make it very condescending like we need to protect them from the mean dads who don;t have vasectomies and don’t think vasectomies are the best choice or even manly. Then let’s write a press release about it and exploit our “husband’s vasectomy” complete with photos of him before and after, that we took just in case it was ever pertinent to blog traffic:)LOL

Meagan Francis 2013/10/15 - 1:31 pm

And then we can end up on the front page of Yahoo! with a headline about how we generated 7,000,000 page views defending our husband’s genital choices!

Deborah Cruz 2013/10/15 - 1:36 pm

Exactly, you read my mind. Amen and a slow clap! I wonder what’s next, the “You’re a victim of vasectomy? What DO you do with Your Dick now?” tour? bwahahaha

Deborah Cruz 2013/10/15 - 1:37 pm

maybe we should do a group parody post?

Whit 2013/10/15 - 3:54 pm

We would support you, because we’re cool like that.

Deborah Cruz 2013/10/15 - 4:23 pm

Touche! LOL

Jess 2013/10/15 - 2:00 pm

Dude, men blogging on why or why not or what it’s like to breastfeed? Screw that.

Barmy Rootstock 2013/10/15 - 3:36 pm

Actually, last time I checked that was also my baby. I think I get a say, along with my wife, in what my baby is fed. I sure hope you’re not saying I’ve no right to be a part of that decision. Do I have the right to force one or the other on my wife who has to actually DO the breastfeeding? Of course not, but we’re partners, not adversaries. Your relationship may be different. If so, I’m sorry for you. And if I’m part of the decision-making, I should have the right to talk about the decisions we made as a family. So, should men be able to blog about why or why not to breastfeed? Of course men should–from their perspective. Just like women should. But neither has the right to tell others how to raise their kids.

Deborah Cruz 2013/10/15 - 9:19 pm

@Barmy I agree with you wholeheartedly. This post was directed at a very specific situation or two that annoyed me. Of course, I think men have the right to write about it from their perspective. My issue is with men speaking on behalf of women. I have updated the post and linked to those particular posts. My husband is my best friend and I ask his opinion on everything and value and respect what he thinks, but he would also never even want to answer on my behalf because he respects and values me. We agree my friend, we are not on opposite sides of this situation.

Amakeda 2013/10/15 - 2:21 pm

Totally agree! I think it goes with the idea that some men feel they can do it better, even if that means commenting on women’s issues even if they have not point of reference. Clearly its a poor attempt. In any event, love the post and the line, “Go commiserate with your fellow penis people.”…Classic!

Deborah Cruz 2013/10/15 - 9:22 pm

Penis people..yes, I was at a loss for my words:)LOL

Jenni Chiu @mommynanibooboo 2013/10/15 - 2:24 pm

Heh. I know what you’re talking about. I hate baiting titles in general, but yeah – I’m with Megan on starting to write about vasectomies…
Bull shit.

Deborah Cruz 2013/10/15 - 9:23 pm

Yep, you know what I’m talking about. I ended up linking to the damn post. The public demanded that I be specific. So, are you pro or against vasectomies?LOL

Dad-On-The-Run 2013/10/15 - 2:42 pm

I’m so vain, I probably think this blog is about me.

Deborah Cruz 2013/10/15 - 4:23 pm

It’s not about you. I would never say those things about you. It is about a specific blogger NOT all dad bloggers in general.

Dad-On-The-Run 2013/10/15 - 5:26 pm

Dammit… I could have used the publicity. Oh well.

Barmy Rootstock 2013/10/15 - 3:07 pm

The good news is that most dad bloggers agree completely. There is a very large dad blogger group, centered on a Facebook site, that discusses (whines about) this quite regularly and trust me, we’re right there with you. In fact, one of the biggest piss-off points is that even our own wives sometimes share those press-released, made up stories as if they were legit!

On the point about penis people talking about vagina people stuff and vice versa, I think the bottom line is about respect. Nobody anywhere should be telling people how they should think or feel; it’s that simple. That’s not specifically a male/female thing–it’s a people thing. I will certainly defend my best friend (my wife) online when her choices and decisions are challenged. But I’ll stand up for her as an individual, not a representative of a whole gender. Truth is, I think a lot of guys would love it if women defended us a bit more when we’re depicted as total useless idiots (because, some of us actually aren’t). But that’s different than penises telling vaginas what to think or vice versa. It’s bad enough that us guys are constantly being told what to think by our own penises after all…

Deborah Cruz 2013/10/15 - 9:25 pm

Slow clap. The penis and vagina people should all live side by side and love one another:) I agree with you. It is about respect. And I apologize about the penis people reference, I completely lost my words:)

Daddy Files 2013/10/15 - 4:01 pm

The press release part makes me think it’s someone specific. And if it is that person, I can assure you the vast majority of dad bloggers want nothing to do with him and loathe him even more than you do.

But I do want to address a couple of points.

You wrote “I don’t need your feelings on abortion, transvaginal ultrasounds, date rape, miscarriage, stay-at home, work-at-home or work-out-of-the-home.”

The implication here is that men have no business writing about such topics. And that is absolute garbage. I mean seriously, it’s bullshit of the highest order. I write about miscarriage because my wife had four of them. I also write about abortion a lot. I was with my wife when we had to have one. And I wrote about it because when she was in having surgery, I confronted the FEMALE lunatics across the street who made her cry by calling her a murderer. That post and video of mine — a man writing about abortion — went very viral and I don’t regret it for a second. In fact, most of the response I got from women expressed gratitude that a man was finally speaking up in defense of women who get harassed outside clinics. They told me it was about time men took up the fight on their end and spoke out. That goes directly against your complaints that men should just shut their mouths on such topics.

Men don’t write about what it’s like to breastfeed. We write in support of our wives who either choose to breastfeed or don’t. Because we’re involved. Yet while you call for more involved men, you excoriate dad bloggers who are doing just that. This post makes absolutely no sense and comes off as very bitter and whiny.

I think this piece would’ve been much more effective if you had specified the blogger/article you’re upset with, because by being so vague you put many of us under the same umbrella which is pretty unfair.

Deborah Cruz 2013/10/15 - 4:22 pm

@Daddy Files, You are right. I came off like a bit of a jackass but in my mind it was directed as at a very specific person ( or two).
Of course dad’a have an opinion on how their children are raised and how they are fed and of course, when your wife loses a baby, you lose a baby. I am so sorry for your losses. I’ve had my own and I know the pain it brings. I know all of this and it was worded insensitively. What I meant was I don’t need a man telling me how I should feel about it if I am living it. If that makes any sense?

I did state in the piece that men are entitled to having opinions and I believe that. My husband is my best friend and he is involved in every aspect of raising our children.

My issue is not with men writing about what they have lived and experienced, it’s men talking on women’s behalf, judging women for doing their best and pretending to know better than we do about our own bodies.

The piece was directed at a specific blogger, I did not link to it because I don;t believe in giving more traffic to these people.

Daddy Files 2013/10/15 - 4:37 pm

Thank you for the kind words. And I understand it wasn’t directed at ALL dad bloggers, but the way it was phrased left you wondering to an extent.

Should men tell women what to do? Absolutely not. None of the guys I talk to feel that way. Men shouldn’t even tell other men what to do. We’re all individuals making the best decisions we can. But that doesn’t stop us from having valid opinions about things — including topics that involve women.

As for the lack of a link, I get it but I think if you’re going to devote 1,000 or so words in a blog post to it, it’s a good idea to give people a point of reference. Don’t mistake this for me telling you how to run your blog either. It’s just my opinion that by complaining about something but not giving a clear picture of what the offense was, you end up with backlash from well-meaning and devoted guys who have commented here upset about trying to be allies and being called out for it. Plus, I’m sure if the guys you’re talking about are who I think they are, unfortunately they already have the traffic. So call them out — that’s part of being a blogger. And I think it’s better being direct and saying it to their faces than being so vague and leaving it up to guesswork.

Andy Hinds 2013/10/15 - 5:12 pm

I’m sorry, Deborah, but you know what’s bullshit? Having a beef against “a specific person (or two)” and then writing a screed against “male bloggers.” Believe me, it drives me equally crazy when guys in my dad bloggers facebook group rail on those snarky, man-hating “mommybloggers.” Don’t tar entire groups with one brush. If you don’t like something someone said, call them the fuck out. But don’t be vague or cagey about it. The pageviews your post sends to Single Dad Laughing or Matt Walsh will be a tiny drop in their huge, fetid buckets.

Deborah Cruz 2013/10/15 - 9:52 pm

I love your comment. It wasn’t against male bloggers. It was specific and I have updated it to reflect so. You hit the nail on the head. I promise I am not a man-hating mommyblogger. I took your advice and I called them the fuck out. Thank you for pushing me to be true to the post and just call out the bullshit.

Deborah Cruz 2013/10/15 - 9:32 pm

I updated the post. You men convinced me that it was the right thing to do. You all knew who I was talking about anyways. At least now it is clear that I do not mean all men in general and not all daddy bloggers.

Jack 2013/10/15 - 4:23 pm

There are BS bloggers in every sphere. This article though is very vauge and it makes it seem you are attacking dad bloggers in general. Lines such as this: “I don’t need your feelings on abortion, transvaginal ultrasounds, date rape, miscarriage, stay-at home, work-at-home or work-out-of-the-home” completely marginalize men.

My wife appreciated that I was involved in every decision. She would ask me to do the research on a lot of them and I’d tell her the various view points and we’d discuss them and come to a decision together. Most dad bloggers are of the sort that want to be there for their families and to understand all the woman-type stuff as close as we can so we can support our spouses. It helps to get other dad point of views.

To Jess: I am writing a breastfeeding post, and here is why. I attended the breastfeeding class with my wife so I can do whatever I could to “help.” I learned the different holds (and where to place the pillows to help her get them right) and learned “when she sits down to nurse, you get her water.” Something I’ve done for all 3 kids. Do I know what its like to have a someone sucking my cracked, dry and bleeding nippless off? No. But, my wife says if not for my support and understanding, she would have given up breastfeeding. That is a lesson I can share with other Dads (and moms looking for suggestions on how their husbands can help).

My wife’s c-section got infected and she had post partum depression after our first was born. She was in terrible pain, insanely exhausted and had so much anxiety she cried all day. I was able to go out and buy her nipple cream and a nipple shield because I made breastfeeding my business. I knew that the amount of vaginal discharge she had was normal because I went to class and read about it. I cleaned her leaking incision 3 times a day. I took all of the night time feedings while working full-time because she was in too much pain. And most importantly I recognized the signs of PPD and called her doctor to get the medication she needed.

So, I think I’ve earned the right to blog about postpartum depression, vaginal discharge, split and bleeding nipples, c-sections, and a myriad of other things that the author and other women may not care about. But you know what, if one dad whose wife is going through any of the things my wife did runs across my post and realizes he’s doing all he can or picks up a new tip or just feels better knowing he wasn’t the only one to experience it, then who is any woman to judge that?

Deborah Cruz 2013/10/15 - 9:41 pm

You are right. You sound like an amazing and involved husband. This post was not about you or any man like you. It was in response to particular post that I found particularly offensive and then it just snowballed into a brain dump of all these instances that I have seen this sort of thing happen.

I am realizing that a lot of people are judging me by this post and think I am a man hating lunatic ( which I am not, my husband is one of my favorite people in the world) and that is making me think maybe I should not judge people on one blog post.

Jack 2013/10/17 - 10:37 pm

I have to say I am extremely impressed with how you handled this situation. A bunch of us dads got antsy in the pantsy over this and you went above and beyond to calm us down. The fact that you updated the article and responded to each of us says a lot. So thank you for that.

I also wanted to thank you for a personal matter. The act of responding to some of the comments here finally inspired me to begin a new feature on my blog. Most parenting guides are written by moms and for moms, and dads are usually an after thought. Therefore I am going to be writing posts about parenting and pregnancy topics from a dad’s point of view with dads in mind. So thank you!

John Kinnear 2013/10/15 - 4:57 pm

“My issue is not with men writing about what they have lived and experienced, it’s men talking on women’s behalf, judging women for doing their best and pretending to know better than we do about our own bodies.”

That calms me. Thanks for responding in the comments. (I left the behemoth of a FB comment up top.) The post was too vague and overgeneralized things. Leaving out who you were talking about made it just ambiguous enough for a lot of guys to see a little bit of themselves in it, which to be fair, is what you were going for. I, and other dad bloggers, have on occasion experienced animosity from mom bloggers who feel as if we’re treading in “their space.” Some of this animosity is real, and some of it is perceived. Posts like this one make my ears poke up because, to me, it came across as you telling dad bloggers that they need to mind their own business and stick to the topics you deem relevant. Anyway, your response to @DaddyFiles clarified that, and I hereby set down my Nerf pitchfork (real ones scare me).

Thanks again.


Deborah Cruz 2013/10/15 - 9:43 pm

I updated and it is now specific. It is none of the men who commented here:)

I have no animosity towards dad bloggers. You are not in my space. You are dads. I am a mom. We are all parents.

Thanks for posting this and for putting down your Nerf pitchfork, I hear those things can out an eye out.

Jack 2013/10/15 - 6:26 pm

See what happens when you are linked on a site where lots of fellow “penis people” hang out, they all show up. And though you didn’t ask for the sake of my fellow penis people allow me to share that some women think it is hysterical to say that you believe in breast feeding as long as you are the one doing it and others just give you a look that you know is supposed to flay the skin from your entire body.

Sometimes we all take this blogging shit too seriously.

Deborah Cruz 2013/10/15 - 9:46 pm

Agree and I seriously had a loss for words moment when I used “penis people” but now that I say it out loud, it reminds me of purple people eaters and that makes me laugh a little.

P.S. Didn’t mean for my post to piss on the penis people’s party. I have since updated it with links and now maybe it makes more sense.

Seth Macomber 2013/10/15 - 9:23 pm

I’m glad I got to read your heart on this matter. You did come off a little frustrated (to say politely). i also read Matt Walsh’s article about Stay at Home Moms. I’m sure it’s clear that he wrote that article because he was trying to stand up for his wife. Which brings me back here. I’m a little confused about this post. I value its honesty, but I’m confused about its foundation. Well in any case, hope you are able to find what you were seeking when writing this post.

Michael Lombardi 2013/10/15 - 9:38 pm

Deborah, I completely get your point. You don’t want my opinion given to you without having asked for it. Particularly if I don’t have a similar life experience. I was in no way offended. You think I give a crap what dad >or< mom bloggers think about what I do or how I raise my kid? Hell f-ing no.

But I'm happy to write about it from my point of view. And if people read, I hope they enjoy it. But if they don't, I'm not going to start cutting myself or go on a shooting spree. I couldn't give 2 s–ts about what people in real life or (especially) online think about me or my actions. If they want to start paying my mortgage, I'll take into consideration what color paint they think the outside of my house should be. If not, sure I hope they like it, but I'm not going to change it if they don't.

Deborah Cruz 2013/10/15 - 9:49 pm


You made me laugh and you get me! Thanks for weighing in. I guess I should have been more specific in the first place.

Chris Nichols 2013/10/15 - 11:19 pm

I don’t have much to add to this dialog. But I will say that I think you handled yourself well in your responses Deborah. You seem sincere and you didn’t get defensive or angry. Likewise, I commend my daddy brethren for speaking their minds, standing up for all penis people, without making this into a pissing match. I’m glad I read through everything before adding my 2 cents. I enjoyed reading the dialog.

P.S Barmy Rootstock I think puberty really was your idea

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[…] and childhood to help them find out? Now, all the free-rangers turned on the helicopters and a parenting civil war ensued. So many casualties, what’s a new mom to […]


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