Estimated reading time: 6 minutes
You’ve heard the rumors about women not giving any F’s when they hit a certain age. You’ve also heard of the invisibility of women once they hit those middle years. It’s all true. But ladies, don’t forget…invisibility is a mother fucking superpower. Not having any Fs left to give is the ultimate in enlightenment. This is evolution. You bad bitches. We cannot come out the gate this strong because the world would not be able to cope, so we gradually evolve into the super moms, wives and powerhouse women we were born to be. I’m here to educate you on why being a middle-aged woman is so empowering.
Not going to lie, some of us get there sooner than others and some of us never get there at all. Pssst, if you don’t get there, that spot of no longer giving any F’s and actually giving a damn about your own self, then you had the opportunity but you chose another path but it’s never too late. After all, life is nothing else if not a choose your own adventure. Every single decision you make, big or small, good or bad changes your course and that is the beauty of life. The secret is to embracing that fact and committing to growing from every minute of the journey. Smile because it happened don’t cry because it’s over is the vibe.
This is why being a middle-aged woman is so empowering.
That brings us to today, my name is Debi and I am smack dab in the throes of my life. Fuck midlife, none of us know when it’s going to be over. None of us know when it’s going to change or in what ways. That’s why we need to live every single day like it is the only one. This whole idea of saving things for special occasions or as a reward for doing hard things…life is hard enough, do what you want to do and live life on your own terms every day.
Yes, you’ve made choices prior like choosing happiness in the form of a partner and children, career, where you live and what you do and every decision has consequences and those consequences have ripples. They have to be considered, you can’t run around being completely selfish…your actions affect others after all. The key is to be more thoughtful with your decisions in the first place and make your own hopes and dreams part of the decision-making process from the start.
The fact of the matter is that you don’t live in a bubble, you live in the world, but you need to remember that you matter just as much as the other people in your world, not more or less but you do need to be an advocate for your own happiness. You are responsible for your own happiness. Life doesn’t happen to anyone. We aren’t victims of life. It is, without a doubt, a situation where you get out what you put in so if you don’t have what you want, you didn’t want it hard enough.
Our partners and children aren’t purposely taking advantage of us, in most cases, though sometimes it may absolutely feel like it. They are simply treating us the way we allow them to treat us, they are following our example. We truly are the masters of our own destiny. Don’t want to be a martyr? Don’t be. Don’t want to be at the mercy of everyone else’s needs? Don’t be. Choose happiness. Stop overthinking it. You can do whatever you want, and it’s not too late unless you are actually dead.
I am currently back in school getting another master’s degree because I am planning on starting a new career path, or at the very least, exploring new pathways on my journey. You heard me right, I am planning to change careers around 50, as my girls go away to college and start their lives, I’m going to reboot mine. Why the hell not? I am an example for them. They are the inspiration for me. Motherhood was another detour on my journey and it has been the most challenging and enriching thing I’ve done with my life. I made and raised human beings. I’m fucking awesome. They are a living breathing testament to what I do and who I am and it’s better than any work award I’ve ever gotten.
All this to say, you’ve got this. I’ve got this. You deserve good things. You deserve to be a priority in your own life. Motherhood is not just about service to others. Womanhood is not just about fulfilling some predestined feminine bullshit idea of who you are supposed to be and what you are supposed to be. You can be anything and everything and it is never too late. Choose the life you want to live don’t live the life others expect because you only have one life and it’s really not that long.
Middle age sounds scary when you’re young because it sounds a lot like being old and, for many of us, the reality is that we see being old as just one step away from being dead. The truth is that no one tells you that you feel 25 forever. My gray hair and gravity-affected body may say otherwise but my heart and soul, 25-years-old every damn year. All of us, especially us women, need to change how we look at middle age. It’s not the end of anything. It’s the beginning of the second act and that’s where all the real freedom is. It’s where we finally figure out how to be happy in our own skin. Midlife is where we finally get to live for ourselves. If you frame it that way, being a middle-aged woman is the most empowered a woman can be and that’s the truth.
Ask any woman over 40 when has she ever felt freer, sexier or more herself? They’ll tell youwhy being a middle-aged woman is so empowering. When we are young, or bodies may be beautiful and our spirits may be adventurous, but we are all insecure in some way or the other because we are naive. With age really does come wisdom and we learn how to prioritize what really matters over the bullshit that the world tells us matters. For the first time in our lives, we are the most important person in the room to ourselves and we love and respect who we’ve become because we fought hard to get here. So don’t feel bad for me because I’m not in my 20’s anymore because for the first time in my life, I know exactly what I want and I’m not afraid to fight for it.