The Elf is back in town ~ It’s happened again, Santa has sent his henchmen to keep the girls in check. Mommy is glad because after all that sugary dessert on Thanksgiving, those girls were a little off their rocker. Lots of screaming, screeching, thunderous laughter and gratuitous “No”s. I am hoping that with the arrival of Herbie Hancock the elf ( because what else would you call Santa’s coolest elf?) the girls settle into a nice quiet, yes ma’am existence ( at least for the next month or so). I’m quite sure after the girls go to bed, Herbie Hancock the elf is break dancing his little tiny elf self all over the house..helicopter head spinning on the tiles in the kitchen, running up the walls in the hall way and doing back flips, probably moon walking all over the mantel, and I am positive that he is doing the centipede all over the joint. Silly elf, I think he may even have his own elf break dancing crew back in the North Pole.
Don’t be fooled by the dopey smile and rosy cheeks. This guy means business. Don’t you see the placard that he is holding? Old boy is not all a rosy glow from just sitting by the fireplace, he has been busting ass and breaking kneecaps. Think less Buddy the Elf and more Tony Soprano the Elf. Yeah, that’s how we roll over in these parts. Now, as you can see, the whole Elf on the Shelf craze has really taken off this year; as is evidenced by the elf on the shelf kit being displayed prominently in every cartoon channel’s commercials and in the toy/children’s section at your major retailers. First let me say, the whole elf on the shelf kit elf..scares the holy hell outta me ( which may be the purpose..sinister little bastard) but now that he is on the front page of Target’s ad and gone all mainstream…don’t you think the kids might catch on? I mean, my girls are 4 and 6 and they are not blind and they’re kinda smart so they’d figure that one out in a hot second. No, here at casa de Truthful Mommy, we go rogue. We find some out of the way shop that specializes in magical, Santa henchmen who serve up justice with a smile and a side of curls.
I know there are parents out there who think it is an awful sin to lie to your children ( these are the same parents who probably want to send me to hell for leashing my girls when they were toddlers..after a near fatal escape by my 2 year old when I was very, very pregnant with her sister) or perpetuate the myth of Santa, the Tooth fairy and Easter Bunny and even worse to threaten my children with mafioso elves but really who am I hurting. I don’t generally lie to my girls, well, unless you count my all time favorite…doing more good than harm white lies that I’ve told over the years but at Christmas time, with all that sugar and hyperactivity running rampant, late bedtimes, visitors and such the routine gets a bit haywire and Mommy needs a little help with the baby wrangling and that’s where Herbie Hancock the Elf comes in. He’s my little ninja Mommy assistant during the holidays.
This year we needed to kick it up a notch and after a reminder by Mommyfriend Lori and referencing last year’s post about the elves running a muck , I’ve decided to let the girls invent their own kind of Santa Big Brother. Last year, Bella told me that she thought that Santa had spy cams planted around the world so that he could keep his eyes and ears on all kids at all times. I chuckled last year when Bella told me this but then Mommyfriend Lori wrote about the fire alarms in her house being Santa cams and eureka….Santa Big Brother is watching! The girls have been running up to the fire alarm all day so that Santa could see their smiling , doe eyed selves being oh so docile and respectful children. The awesome thing about this? Well, when good old Herbie Hancock the break-dancing, beep-bopping, kneecap breaking, enforcer elf heads back for colder climates…the
fire alarms Big Brother Santa spy cams will remain…forever! Genius. Elf on the shelf ain’t got nothing on Herbie and the Santa Spy Cams.