The TRUTH About Motherhood

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Popcorn Love
To celebrate summer fun, Redbox is asking moms, “What’s your family’s go-to movie night snack?” Plus, they are rewarding 2 lucky people with a chance to win $10,000 as part of the Redbox Summer of Fun & Games Sweepstakes.
My family’s favorite go-to movie night snack has to be popcorn. I’m sure this is typical in most households but for this Chicago girl, nothing goes better with a great movie than Garrett’s Chicago Mix popcorn.
When the weather’s rainy and cold, there’s nothing quite like cuddling up under some blankets close to those you love the most, watching a great family movie and munching on popcorn.
If the weather is miserably hot outside, at my house we call that a lounge day. We pick a movie the whole family will enjoy like Beverly Hills Chihuahua II or Grease and we have good time laughing together and munching on a fabulous mix of cheese and carmel corn ( Chicago Style).
I may not live in the Chicagoland area these days but believe me when I tell you that my girls KNOW if there’s a great movie on the screen, Chicago mix popcorn should be on the table. We’ve even learned to improvise and make our own mix. I love sharing this special treat and my love of a good movie with my girls.
I hope someday my girls will be watching a great movie, cuddled up with their little ones, eating some Chicago Mix Popcorn and think of special moments spent with their father and myself. I hope they get the same warm fuzzy feeling that I get sharing these extraordinary ordinary moments with them now.
Redbox is celebrating summer family time with a great line up of family-friendly titles, awesome savings and two chances to win $10,000 as part of the Redbox Summer of Fun & Games Sweepstakes.*
4 Easy Ways to Enter:
1. Enter your email address at www.redbox.com/summer
2. Rent a movie or game at a redbox kiosk (and provide a valid email address at checkout)
3. Reserve a rental online at redbox.com
4. Text ‘SUMMER’ to 727272
Enter to win today!
This is a sponsored conversation written by me on behalf of Redbox. The opinions and text are all mine.
*Each item rented earns one entry, regardless of how long it is rented, up to three entries per day. Limit 3 entries per day, regardless of entry method. The sweepstakes begins May 27, 2011 at 12:00 a.m. CT and ends on August 1, 2011 at 11:59 p.m. CT. No purchase necessary. See official rules at www.redbox.com/summer.
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2011/07/25
Cocktail Play Dates; Keeping Mommies Sane since Prohibition
Cocktail Play Dates They say necessity is the mother of all invention and mother did we need something invented to make tolerable the ordeal of being held hostage with strange women as our children licked, bit and chewed on one another ( all in the name of socialization). I’m not saying it’s always going to end in disaster sometimes you may actually salvage a friendship amongst the rubble of the biting, licking and whining( and that’s just the moms). For years, we’ve been drinking coffee during play dates. Isn’t coffee considered a gateway drug? Whether it was the white noise effect our children provided in the background as we gossiped ( as we kept one very suspicious eye on that 3 year old baby Huey about to hit our little princess with a toilet brush) or as we caught up with our most favorite Mommies. Then we’d go home, behind the closed doors of suburbia and drink ourselves into a small stupor at #wineparty after the kids finally passed out from exhaustion. While coffee has it’s place, let’s face it…it leaves something to be desired in the breath department and on an empty stomach can cause quite the scandal at someone else’s loo. Not even Starbucks has figured out a way to remedy that situation. But then the two were merged, play dates and drinking.
Cocktail Play Dates Anyone?
Many people like to have a social drink now and again to loosen up or unwind. This is no secret. A glass of wine to be heart healthy. A Bellini with brunch. A wine spritzer to cool off by the pool? People drink on dates, correct? To calm the nerves? With that being modern culture, it would be no great leap that one might have a nip of this or that to relax and enjoy the date…the play date that it. Do moms get drunk, stumble around dropping kids and play spin the bottle with one another? I’d hope not. Do they do it every single play date? Probably not ( who has the time or energy). But I don’t see the harm in an occasional drink, in moderation, if drank responsibly. It’s been argued that by having these cocktail play dates Mommies are advocating underage drinking or being a “bad” example. I agree, if you are fall down drunk or have a cocktail in your hands at all times, you are probably projecting the wrong impression…functioning alcoholic anyone? But really by having a glass of wine at dinner or the occasional sangria on the back porch, aren’t we teaching our children to drink socially and responsibly?
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I would NOT suggest drinking this particular cocktail around children..EVER! Should come with a fire warning.(stock xchang)
Cocktail Play Dates the beginning of the End
Obviously, if your kid is an infant and you are still breastfeeding steer clear of the alcohol. If you are driving your children even a block, no alcohol for you. If your children are young enough to need you to wipe their asses, noses and hold their hand because they are too shy and/or afraid to socialize..having a drink is probably not an option for you. But if one summer afternoon you find yourself with a couple other Mommies from the neighborhood, your 9 and 10 year olds are together running through the sprinkler, I see nothing wrong with the host Mommy pouring everyone a nice regulation sized glass of Pinot Grigio ( Mimosa, Bellini, Wine Spritzer) coupled with a plate of fruit and cheese ( let’s soak it up as to not make asses of ourselves, Ladies). Everything in moderation. I wouldn’t recommend doing body shots off of one another. I know in my neighborhood, the home association frowns on that sort of behavior. It has something to do with the whole lewd and lascivious behavior or something of the like. Apparently, Mommies gone wild doesn’t have the same appeal as Girls gone wild. Go figure.
In the end, you have to go home to your family, look yourself in the mirror and be OK with how YOU parent. No one else can make that decision for you. They can look at you with judging eyes and disappointed hearts but really who are they to judge? What do you honestly think about mixing the two? Would you? Could you? Have you?
*To clarify, I’ve had one Cocktail during a Play Date in my entire life ( nothing even remotely like those gals in Florida). It consisted of drinking a Mimosa while my mom responsibly chaperoned my daughters’ play date with the neighbor kid. It was brilliant in the way that eating carbs at your leisure is, just a little taboo. Not something I would want or be able to do all the time. Let’s face it, having my children has reduced my tolerance for alcohol to that of a gnat.
Cocktail play dates anyone?
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2011/08/03
What’s the Difference Between Working Moms and Stay at Home Moms?
Over the years, I’ve been asked multiple times if I am a working Mom or a Stay-at-home mom? First off, whether we work out of the home or in the home; part-time, full-time or job share, even if we are stay-at-home Moms, don’t we all work? Aren’t we all working moms? ( Sidebar: The term working mom sounds like we’re hookers with kids. I hate that term.) Don’t we all spend every single day of our lives, selflessly working our asses off for other people?
Working Moms, Say what?
I’ve never met a Mom who doesn’t work. Even if we don’t have a job that pays us, we work our respective tails off. And if we do have a job outside our family duties, we just work our tails off in a different way. But let’s make no bones about it. If you have kids, you are always working. What else would you call cooking, cleaning, wiping asses, wiping noses, telling stories, fighting boogie men, wash laundry, washing dishes, washing babies,laughing at ridiculous knock-knock jokes, making bottles, changing diapers, reading books, instilling morals, teaching respect, self-confidence, bestowing unconditional love when you have nothing left to give, calming fears, cleaning up vomit in the middle of the night, kissing boo-boos, being a cheerleader, a coach, a chauffeur, a dream come truer, a butcher, a baker, a candlestick maker..and that was just Tuesday!
READ ALSO: The One Thing All Moms Have in Common
There’s this big misconception that Stay-at-Home moms lie around on the couch eating bonbons all day, watching stories while organic meals magically appear on the table as children frolic in silence …without beating up their sibling. Yeah, because that EVER happens. I’ve been a stay-at-home Mom for a good part of the past 6 years and not once in that time have I ever had a free moment to sit around and watch stories or eat bonbons. In my dreams, maybe.
Want to know the real difference between stay-at-home moms and work outside of the home moms? I don’t get paid for the asses I wipe and kiss, you do. I never get a break or a lunch in peace, you do. We both work our butts off but you get a commute time to decompress, I don’t. My point is we all work ourselves to the point of exhaustion to do the best we can for our family and we all need a damn vacation. I’d like to sit on an island somewhere, in silence with nothing but the waves crashing the shore, the sun on my face, a fruity drink in my hand and maybe even some of those mythical bonbons I keep hearing so much about.
READ ALSO: Working Mom Guilt
Entire debates are had over this topic. Tears are shed. Women are torn as to whether they should work out of the home or stay-at-home? Hours on end are spent making the decision that will have the greatest effect on the child, the least impact on the budget and the least likelihood of ending in therapy. Much guilt is incurred and it holds us hostage. It is no easy decision but in the end, the joke is on us. Fight one another as we may, each and every one of us who has ever birthed and loved a child are working Moms.
What’s the Difference Between Working Moms and Stay at Home Moms?

2011/08/10
Change~I just had a Come To Jesus Meeting..with Jose!
*Change anyone?* It’s that time of year again. You know what ‘m referring to, no not back-to-school, that was Monday. It’s a little over a month until my birthday and you know that can only mean ONE thing…mental, physical and spiritual inventory must be taken. This is my process so this morning I had my first ( of what will be many, many) come to Jesus meetings over the next year. I had it with Jose. No, it’s not some nickname we Latinos have for the almighty, it’s my little brother who is one ( as I found out the hard way this morning) hardcore, ass kicking personal trainer.Seriously, it’s his profession. I knew that he knew how to take care of himself, obviously. He’s always been in top physical shape since he was old enough to lift his first dumbbell. But we’ve never lived in the same city. Now, we do. This is Jose.
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This is Jose. This is 200 lbs. of badass personal training in a 160 lb. bag of cuteness.I think the photo says it all *Charming*
He who rejects change is the architect of decay~Harold Wilson
Doesn’t he look sweet? That’s what I thought. What you are looking at, my friends, is my salvation ( physically speaking anyways). Two years ago, we moved to a new city. My life hit the reset button. I joined Weight Watchers and lost 25 pounds. Life was good. Then the Big Guy was downsized. Life was not so good.I had to quit the program and since I am very apparently a stress eater, I ate those 25 pounds right back on and with them came a few more. I was depressed about it. Former eating disorder girl say what. It’s really hard trying to stay the straight and narrow when what you are doing is so NOT working. But I do. I fight the urge every day to seek the comfort of the path that I know. I fight to be a good example for my girls. I fight to be the change I want to see in the world for the young girls today. I want to be better than my circumstances.
Then last year, right smack dab in the middle of the whole commuter marriage fiasco, I was offered an amazing opportunity to be a Nutrisystem Nation Blogger. Again, I lost that 20 pounds and felt amazing. But then life started spinning out of control again. Then we had to put the house on the market, we were going to be moving and I was stressed beyond capacity. There was my old friend ( arch nemesis) food to comfort away the uncertainty. That is if comfort means to bury it deep down and surround it by a giant hug of fat. But the only uncertainty it remedied was the uncertainty of whether or not I would gain back those 20 pounds again. Guess what? I did! What can I say those damn 20 pounds llloooovvvveeee me! Me, not so much feeling that love.
If you don’t like something change it; if you can’t change it, change the way you think about it. ~Mary Engelbreit
That brings us to this morning. We are moved. I am hitting the reset again. Hopefully for the last time for a long time. I am exactly where I am supposed to be. I am happy. I know it. I feel it in my very core ( well, that and a terrible side stitch that I haven’t been able to shake since my brother boot-camp). I have committed myself to the ~~drill Sargent~~ my little brother and made a promise to myself…I will feel comfortable in this skin of mine.Body dysmorphic disorder and Bulimia/Anorexia can all be damned. I’m not having it, ever again. With the help of my brother, the MOST invested, no nonsense personal trainer that anyone could ever ask for, fueled by a genuine concern and love for his sister, the next year will bring about huge change. I have a goal that I want to hit by my birthday next year and he is going to help me reach my goal. This is one of those moments in life where you are standing at a cliff and you have to decide if you want to take a chance and jump or maintain the status quo. I’m jumping! After this week, I may not be walking but I am jumping.
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We're going to call this the official BEFORE photo. I'll allow you to see me a sweaty mess but sweaty ponytail, no makeup and luggage under my eyes..A girl's got to maintain some tiny dignity:)
This journey is about more than just losing weight. It is about changing my entire lifestyle..forever. It’s no diets or gimmicks, it’s me facing the mirror and taking a good hard look at myself. It’s hard work personal training with my brother and learning to make good, healthy choices with real food. It’s me learning to live in the world. It’s me learning to love my body for all that it is and none of what it’s not. This is me, yelling it from the top of the cliff. I am proclaiming it to the world. It will happen. And this time when the first 25 pounds comes off, I’m giving all the clothes that are too big to the homeless shelter.I will do it every 25 pounds until all I am left with are the clothes that fit who I become.
My change starts right now
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2011/08/17
The Field Trip from Hell
School Field Trip from Hell ~I have been on several field trips with my daughters over the past couple of years; so when I volunteered to go with my daughter’s first grade class to an outdoor field trip, it was not my first rodeo. I’ve spent their lifetime taking my girls and their friends on field trips to zoos, farms, historic sites and parks. We’ve been on outings to museums, nature centers, butterfly habitats and pools but nothing could have prepared me for the field trip I embarked upon last Friday. I’ve done a shitload of babysitting and I’ve been doing play dates now for about 5 years. I love kids; all kids, mostly or I did. But this field trip really tested my love for children, more specifically…other people’s children. It will be remembered as the the field trip from hell.
Field Trip From Hell
My Ella was so excited for this first field trip of the year. So many parents volunteered to chaperone and drive on this field trip that most everyone only had their own child, that was, except for me. I was assigned a little girl who turned out to be a Nellie Olsen. You remember the show Little House on the Prairie and that awful little girl who was always terrorizing sweet little Laura Ingalls? No? You know the type…spoiled, loud, obnoxious, loves to belittle and berate others, sneaky, generally intolerable and worse than that, she was mean. The moment our eyes met, I could see that she was going to test me. I was optimistic though that I was going to be the mom who made the Grinch child’s heart grow 3 times its size that day. I made up my mind to be very kind to this little girl, no matter her behavior.I would meet it with kindness. I had no idea how hard it would prove to stick to that plan.
Not who You want to chaperone on a Field Trip
Not surprisingly, things didn’t go quite as planned. I guess school field trips seldom do when you are dealing with small children. But it wasn’t the usual someone peed their pants, someone had a meltdown, someone lost their tooth or someone got lost. It was much worse. The other child, let’s call her Nellie, for the sake of protecting the innocent (what she might grow out of this abomination that she is right now?), started our field trip off by promptly disagreeing with me. It was a sweltering 50 degrees and I told her to bring her coat. She refused. I asked again and she again refused. I tried one last time, she smirked and refused. I bundled my child up and we headed out to the car. She tripped my daughter. I reminded her to be careful or someone would get hurt. Once in my car, she complained about the car seat. She complained about the music . My daughter tried to speak, Nellie spoke louder. My phone rang, she spoke even louder. I asked her to stop. She ignored me. I really wanted to scream “Can you please EVER for the LOVE of GOD Shut.the.FUCK.UP!!! She pouted then resumed an ear bleeding scream of tall tales and bullshit; telling Ella that no one liked her (Ella). Ella looked deflated. You know that friendless, oddball, booger eating sort of kid that gets picked on by all the other kids and then makes herself feel better by trying to take others down a notch? That’s Nellie. I usually tell Ella to be kind to these children because they need the kindness more than most. I told Nellie to stop spreading gossip and those were not very nice things to repeat. I was parenting overtime on that field trip.
Nellie is one of those needy children. You know the ones who hug on moms who are not their own and push the kid whose mom it actually is out of the way. I couldn’t shake her and I was getting frustrated because I couldn’t spend any actual time with my daughter. We arrived, Nellie was cold. She blamed me. She was pushing smaller children out of her way and knocking them over. She was a force. Grabbing binoculars while they were still attached to it’s tiny owner. She’s a bully. I asked her to stop shouting over the man giving the presentation to the children. She knocked my Starbucks out of my hand. She was annoyed with me. I was annoyed with her.I tried to take a photo of my daughter, Nellie jumped in the photo. Every.Single.photo! This kids was dancing on my very last nerve.
The kids are ecstatic to be allowed to dig for fossils. Tiny anthropological hands armed with gardening shovels, buckets and headed to unearth a treasure. My daughter gently removing earth and dusting off each rock to discern whether is was a trilobite or crustacean. The children were in a state of suspended fascination. Then Nellie bulldozed her way to the center of the digging area, surrounded by 30 tiny children enamored with their first anthropological excursion. Nellie dug with the fervor of a dog trying to locate his favorite bone. Dirt, rocks and fossils were flying everywhere. Kids were crying. She was unphased. This child was exhausting to everyone.
We left, Nellie wiped her mud covered slickers on the back side of my chair. What a asshole! We drove to the next location, she gave a running commentary on how her parents would do things differently; different route, better car, they’d know where there was construction and it wouldn’t have taken so long. Apparently, they are perfect and also extremely smart as they had the good sense to not accompany Damien on this field trip. To my horror, I watched in my mirror as Nellie taunted “My mom gave me lots of money” and with that she took her dirty wad of one dollar bills and smacked my daughter in the face. It took everything in my body NOT to stop the car and leave this kid on the side of the road. Instead, I reminded her that it was not acceptable behavior and demanded that she apologize to my poor humiliated daughter. I’m sure you are thinking , how fucking long is this story. Me too! But no, it gets worse.
We reached our destination, Nellie Olsen ran off. At every exhibit, she was fingering something, almost dropping or breaking everything. I asked her not to. I demanded that she stay with us. She wanted to lag behind. I said no. She spent her money on the first thing she saw and then changed her mind. Then I noticed Nellie holding a small vial of stones that she hadn’t purchased. I questioned her. She gave me several versions. I left Ella with another chaperone to try and prove or debunk the stories that Nellie gave me. Each of her stories were nothing more than that. In the end, not only was she unpleasant she was also a tiny little thief. Mostly, I think she is a little girl in desperate need of some quality parenting. I feel sorry for that little girl because children are not born assholes they are made into them by lack of guidance. Lucky for Nellie that this field trip didn’t fall on shark week, things may have went a lot differently. I went home that night and thanked God for my sometimes bickering daughters, who I thought were sometimes mouthy but are in comparison angels. I used to think all children were wonderful and every field trip was fun, now I know better.
Have you ever been on a field trip from hell? What happened on your field trip? How did you survive the field trip?
The Field Trip from Hell
2011/10/23
Throat Punch Thursday ~It’s Not over til the World’s Fattest Woman Sings or Dies…. whichever comes first Edition
Willfully the World’s Fattest Woman, Susanne Eman is a 32 year old single mother from Casa Grande, Arizona. Her sons are Gabriel, 16, and Brendin , 12. She has already bypassed Donna Simpson’s record at 50 stone. In case you were wondering, 50 stone is 700 pounds. Her goal is to be 115 stone by the time she is 41 or 42. That is 1610 pounds. That, my friends, is a metric ton. That is completely disgusting to me. Really? Does she actually think she will live that long?
The World’s Fattest Woman says she feels sexy at 50 stone
I am especially sickened by the fact that she has 2 children, whom she is demonstrating this destructive behavior.How involved of a mother can she really be if she is spending all of her time confined to a wheelchair, consumed with thoughts of reaching her goal of the World’s Fattest Woman and constantly maintaining her 21,962 calorie a day diet. 21962!!!! Seriously, how much food has to be consumed to get that many calories? It has to be like a full time job. Can you imagine the grocery bill? Who’s paying for this journey to suicide by gluttony?
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Brilliant she is not only trying to kill herself she is making her boys accessories to suicide!
She says that she feels sexy at this size. That her body is like poetry in motion, because it moves on it’s own ( her words not mine). She commented in an article in the Sun that at 35 stone she noticed she got more attention from men. Yeah!Because they had never seen someone that large before, in person. I’m not sure of the true motive behind this ghastly quest. I can’t fathom EVER intentionally wanting to be the World’s Fattest Woman. I think it is commendable when women can find beauty and comfort in their body at any size. If she truly has this, I am happy for her. But having been overweight, knowing many others who have been overweight…I have never met a single woman who has been satisfied being overweight. For some it’s a vanity issue, for others it’s a health issue, but in all cases none of them said “You know what? I really love having a muffin top, a gunt and more than my fair share of chins. I adore being out of breath when I walk a flight of stairs. I love all the attention and think I’d like to up the ante and gain a bit more.” NEVER have I heard these words said aloud. I’m pretty sure they are not very often thought either. If I am wrong, please weigh in. I want to hear what you have to say. If that’s you, KUDOS! You are braver and stronger than I. I prefer to try and put that effort into getting healthy and comfortable in my own skin, not outgrowing it.
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Well, at least she stretches before her heavy lifting..walking under her own weight.
Conditioning to be the World’s Fattest Woman
Let’s be clear, I don’t find this situation to be amusing in any way. I don’t find humor in other people’s pain but she seems to embrace her girth. I am saddened that she is on this quest. I am saddened that she is so selfish that she has no consideration as to how this might effect her sons; their lives; their own eating and lifestyle habits. Does she not care that she could be indirectly contributing to their untimely demise? She can’t actively engage with them. Not to mention the fact that her kids have Gilbert Grape’s Mom as their actual Mom. I’m sure the media spectacle she is making of herself has made them the target of an excess of teasing. Plus, can you imagine the sort of men she is attracting? She says that she has been getting more male attention. She brings these sort of fetish freaks to the house around her sons?
*Disclaimer: As for calling people with fetishes ..freaks, I don’t think they are freaks because they want to get some big girl lovin. I think everyone deserves love. But in the article it made it sound as if she dates men who are seeking big women for sex. I think that is not the kind of behavior she should be doing around her children. If she has a love den somewhere and sleeps with randoms, that’s her business. But again, not a good example for her kids. And let me be clear, I don’t care what people do in their own bedrooms. Freaky is fine with me. I’m just saying, as I’d tell any thin friend who had random men over her house who wanted furry sex or even plain old missionary, don’t have randoms in and out of your bedroom if you have children present. That’s my opinion. It only counts to me.
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No, this isn't embarrassing..not at all. Those poor boys!
Susanne Eman you get my Throat Punch this Thursday for being a bad example Mommy. You are obligated to live a healthy life to be alive to raise your sons and get them to adulthood. You brought them into the world. It is your responsibility to make sure that they live happy and healthy lives. From where I sit, it looks like you may be falling short on both counts. For this, you get a giant Throat Punch. I hope it knocks the tacos and cookies out of your hand long enough to make you realize that what you are doing is NOT good for yourself or your children.
If you have a Throat Punch this week, please follow me in GFC, grab the Throat Punch Thursday badge under the buttons tab at the top of the page and insert it into your post. Then leave a comment here so that we can all come read your Throat Punch Post!
*Photos from the Sun article
World’s Fattest Woman, Throat Punch Recipient
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2011/08/25
Why I Did the Pregnancy Thing and Why I Will Never Do It Again
Pregnancy, why do any of us do it? They say a picture is worth a thousand words so let’s save some time..
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*Swoon*
Pregnancy End Result; My First Miracle
I know why I did it. I did it because I wanted to peer down into the face of awesome and feel my throat close itself with a giant lump of love. I wanted my heart to walk around outside of my body. I wanted to cry tears of awe and inspiration. I wanted to make the world a better place. I wanted to love something so completely that time and space could not measure it. I wanted to experience selflessness beyond measure. I wanted to have a physical piece of myself and the Big Guy joined forever. I did it because, since I can remember, I always wanted to be someone’s Mommy. I wanted someone to curl into that space between my neck and my shoulder and fill my heart completely. I wanted little fingers to wrap around mine and hold on for dear life. I wanted to experience hiccups in my belly. I wanted to experience the evolution of myself into a better version than I ever could have imagined. I wanted to feel small in the universe but mighty in my own life. I wanted to provide the change that I wanted to see in the world. I wanted to create a little person who I could call my very own. I wanted to hold the future in my arms and quietly sing her a lullaby. I did it for a purpose. I did it because my heart wanted to grow three times it original size. The love and joy quota that is met by having a child is addictive. At the moment of birth, I felt so small next to my little one who had come into the world and humbled me into wanting to make the world better for her sake.
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Our hearts were wide open after Ella and Begging for Abbi.So, we had #2!
Warning: Pregnancy Can be addictive
Then I did it again! But now, I am at a point where I am far enough away from the beginning of my babies and heading head first into big girl territory that my retrospective 20/20 vision is kicking in. The fog of baby bliss is giving way to the reality of sibling rivalry, no peeing in peace, no showering alone, no time to myself, temper tantrums, “You’re the meanest mother in the world”, changing outfits 75 times a day and picky eating habits with an even more discerning entertainment palate. I still love my girls with all that I am and for all that they are but now, sometimes…I need a moment or two to hit refresh. I have been spying small glimpses break through here and there of what the future holds…quiet time, me time and time alone with my husband. I hate the letting go and growing up part. It hurts to love someone so much that you can’t imagine a time when they will not be snuggled firmly in your lap or resting their sweet head on your shoulder but there is comfort in finding yourself again, with a renewed perspective and more bold take on life. I am looking forward to that. I frequently say that I am done, half true and I believe, half to convince myself. Either way, my heart is full and I have learned from experience to never say never.
Where are you on the pregnancy spectrum? Are you expecting? Anticipating? Unsure if you are ready to embark on the momentous occasion ? On the fence as to whether or not you want to go through it all again? Or contemplating being fulfilled with what you have now? Or have you decided that it is not for you at all? How did you come to where you are? Why? I’d love to hear your stories.
Pregnancy, to be or not to be
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2011/08/31
September 11, 2001~ The Day the World Stood Still
I resolved not to write about September 11, 2001, that fateful day. I didn’t feel that I needed to be reminded of the events that transpired on September 11, 2001 because, in all reality, I have never forgotten them. I never will. I see it every day in the eyes of my husband and the sweet faces of my daughters.
September 11, 2001 is the day that the world stood still for all of the collective United States.
We held our breath and helplessly watched as our lives were tragically changed forever. Most of us remember exactly where we were and what we were doing on that infamous morning, when the plane hit the north tower, at 8:47 am. That moment is seared into my brain like a branded battle scar. The myriad of
Most of us remember exactly where we were and what we were doing on that infamous morning, when the plane hit the north tower, at 8:47 am. That moment is seared into my brain like a branded battle scar. The myriad of emotions that overwhelmed me in that exact moment in time will be with me always. It can’t be forgotten. I can still feel the sickness in the pit of stomach eating at my soul, as I type this.

No, I wasn’t going to write about September 11, 2001 but I am thankful for my husband that I was afraid I might have lost that morning, my daughters who have been born since that day, for my friends in New York who made it through that day with their lives and survived the devastation that losing their friends, family members and loved ones brought in those following days.
I am commemorating those unsuspecting people who lost their lives, the heroes who at the cost of their own lives kept going into the collapsing buildings to save others and those of us who have chosen not to be victims of that day but who joined together as a nation to overcome the heinous crimes inflicted upon us by a group of cowardice monsters.
My thoughts and prayers are with all of those families who lost someone that day and for the rest of us who survived it and must live with the pain and loss that September 11, 2001, has left in its wake. This is my story, we all have one.
September 11, 2001 they ran in when everyone else ran out
I can very clearly remember the bright blue morning sky of September 11, 2001, as if it were yesterday. We were living in North Carolina, it was 2 weeks before my 29th birthday. We had only recently celebrated our 2nd wedding anniversary. My husband was away on business in Pennsylvania.
Per usual, I went to work, at a small publishing house, and the moment I walked in the door my editor silently motioned me over to the television to see what was happening. There we stood paralyzed, watching in shock and horror at the footage being shown on the television… of what was happening. Could this be real?
It couldn’t be real. It looked like some horrible action movie but it was live TV. It was the footage of flight 11 hitting the first tower. I remember my heart falling to the floor as I realized my husband was away from me on business. I couldn’t make sense of it. It was all happening so fast. We were being attacked on our own soil.
My husband, the other half to my whole, was in Pennsylvania, much too close to where everything was taking place. I tried to call him but all the phone lines to the east coast were jammed from terrified loved ones trying to reach their families in New York.
I distinctly remember the newscaster making the announcement and showing the footage of the south tower being hit by flight 175, as I was still trying to absorb the north tower being hit. Seeing the dark billowy puffs of smoke escaping from the rubble and the heartbreak of seeing the frightened and desperate people jump from the building, it was all I could do not to start driving in the general direction of where my husband was. All I wanted to do was hear my husband’s voice. I needed to know he was safe.
I couldn’t imagine the fear and thoughts going through the jumpers minds as they were forced to make that decision or the pain and sheer fright they must have felt being trapped in the collapsing towers. It must have felt like the world was ending. In many ways, it was.
Just imagine minding your business, doing your work and your entire life being snatched away. Your future, no longer an option. Knowing that you would never hold your baby, kiss your husband goodbye or tell them that you love them.
Then they made the announcement on the news that Flight 77 crashed into the western side of the Pentagon. I held my breath once more and through tear filled eyes, continuously dialed my husband’s number on the cell phone. I had to reach him, somehow.
September 11,2001; A Day that will live in Infamy
Then the announcement that Flight 93 went down very near where my husband was at on business. I dialed and dialed ( as I know many people were trying to do ) until my fingers were cramping from pushing the buttons. But the phone lines were all down due to what was happening and all the calls trying to be made by scared families trying to reach their loved ones, just like me. Everyone was trying to make sure that their loved one was not in or near the buildings hit. We all just wanted to hear the voice, to have the reassurance that our loved one was safe. I remember being there at work, watching helplessly as my world was collapsing. An entire generation of American people lost our safety and security, our trust and innocence. We thought we were untouchable on our own soil but the events that transpired on September 11, 2001 made us realize just how vulnerable we were. I stayed at work that very long day with my boss because I was 10 hours away from my nearest relative and going home to our empty apartment waiting for him to call me meant sitting there alone with my thoughts…with my fears.
My husband was there…nearer to the situation than I would ever want. I thank God every day that he wasn’t in New York that morning. Eventually, he called me. It seemed an eternity waiting for that call to come. I remember thinking..this is it..this is the day my world could come to a screeching halt. It did in a way. My life was changed forever, as were the lives of every American. I will never feel safe again. Not completely.
Every time someone I love gets on a plane, I hold my breath until they land safely. I’ve not been on a plane since this happened and I am sure that when I do, there will be an inordinate amount of anxiety. When the phone call finally came that my husband was OK, hearing his voice on the other end was one of the greatest moments of relief that I have ever experienced in my life. I had never been so thankful for my blessings and for the simple things such as my husband’s smile across a crowded room, his laughter ringing out at the most inappropriate times or just the way he says my name. I will never take those things for granted ever again.
Osama Bin Laden is dead and I’m glad. I won’t make apologies for being glad that he is gone. I feel that we are all a little freer from the tyranny of terrorism that we have been under for the past 10 years. My heart still aches for all the wives who lost their husbands, children who lost their parents, parents who lost their children and anyone who lost a loved one, a friend, a co-worker or even just someone who smiled at you on the street every day or as you passed in the building.
Their smiles, voices, laughter, and existence will be missed and felt by many. Their ripple is great and every moment is more precious to me now because I know that any moment can be the last. I now know the unconditional love that a parent feels for a child, I know the unbreakable path between a couple, so close that you don’t know where one begins and the other ends, and I can imagine the unfulfillable void and pain that losing that would cause.
I’ve been holding on to these feelings for a long time. I’ve had them wrapped up tight in a small little box, hidden away far back in the recesses of my soul because I didn’t want to think about how vulnerable we ~~were~~ are. I was afraid that if I allowed myself to feel those feelings, it might be too much. I was dreading today because I wasn’t ready to dig that box out and open it up. But we owe it to those we lost, the mothers, fathers, friends, daughters, sons, husbands, wives, sisters, brothers, the heroes who ran in when everyone was running out on September 11, 2001 to #NeverForget!
September 11,2001; I will #NeverForget

2011/09/11
One Mommy’s Journey to Learning to Love the Skin She’s In
Weight loss~ As I told many of you about a month ago, I have started training with a personal trainer because I want to finally take weight loss to the next level. I want to feel comfortable in my own skin. I’ve wanted to beat this weight loss demon into submission for a long time and I’ve tried just about everything under the sun to lose the weight. Sure things worked, but weight loss is not a destination, it’s a journey. Weight loss is the longest and hardest journey that you will probably ever endure in your lifetime. I know it is mine but finding comfort in my own skin will be absolutely worth it.

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Week 1
Weight Loss Journey week 1
I have been working out with my personal trainer/little brother Jose for 4 weeks now. We work out 3 days a week for about 2 hours. I do an hour on the recumbent bike ( burning a whopping 400-500 calories….can you say awesome!) and then he works me out for an additional hour with a mix of cardio, strength training and the weight machine. It is exhausting but I want that weight loss and the comfort it will bring in my own skin. Let’s be honest here, I was NOT in the best shape. I have barely worked out all summer. This little plan of his kicks my ass, no joke. But these are my options, stay overweight, unhappy and unhealthy or work my tail off (literally) for this weight loss. Yes, on my last physical I found out that my blood pressure was slightly elevated and cholesterol and sugar were both elevated. This is my body on little to no exercise and crappy food options. I made wrong food choices and got very lazy. That is it. I did this to myself. No one force fed me pizza and french fries. Nobody made me hit the drive-thru at Dairy Queen. I did it all and , now, I must work harder than I’ve ever worked in my entire life to get back into shape. I can tell you, it is much easier putting weight on than taking it off. I’ve also discovered this thing called a Bosu ball.I had never heard of it before but my brother swears by it and I know it surely kicks my ass. It’s basically one of those exercise balls cut in half and put on a stand, whatever it is..it works your abs in a ridiculous way. You will be sore but you will lose inches.
No more waiting on weight loss
Speaking of inches, ahem, I have lost 7 inches on my body. Of course, I have been building muscle so some spots have actually gained an inch ( I’m talking to you juicy bootie) but I did ask my trainer to focus on getting me a derriere, so I blame myself. I can feel my core is much stronger and I have more energy. I don’t feel as slovenly as I had been feeling and I can feel everything tightening up. I actually did jumping jacks the other day. JUMPING.JACKS!! I know, they sound harmless but let me tell you I haven’t done jumping jacks in YEARS! Have you? Who does that anymore? They are so 1977! When he told me to do them, I really wanted to sucker punch him…in the face. I immediately had a vision of a hidden camera and me doing jumping jacks on YOUTUBE.The humiliation. I mean I’m no Scarlett Johansson. I thought of all the different body parts that would be going in different directions in slow motion ( because everything humiliating happens in slow Mo, right?) But, I asked for this and I’ve committed myself to losing this weight like I’ve committed myself to my marriage. I am ALL in. So, you know what I did? I jumped and I jacked and I didn’t get a black eye and my loose stomach didn’t have to be lassoed in, even my bat wing arms stayed relatively in control. It felt good to do it. And when I was done,my little brother told me how awesome of a job I did and how proud he is of me. I bet Bob and Jillian don’t give hugs to their sweaty messes after a particularly brutal workout.
This week, I added to it the power of Weight Watchers. I’ve done Weight Watchers before and it seems to work really well for me. I think it’s the blend of being able to eat the foods I want, in moderation and within points, tracking every single bite, taste and sip that enters my pie-hole and the accountability. I’m not doing meetings this time because I am accountable to my trainer , my scale and you guys. But the online tools seem to be really keeping me on track with my food. This morning I stepped slowly onto my awesome new Eat Smart GoFit scale,which I will post about so you can all see for yourself how truly amazing this thing is, and there was a loss. After five days on the WW points system, I have lost…3.8 pounds. I’m thinking I should have started the points system from the start but I really needed to get in a routine with the working out. That is usually where my hiccup lies. I am pretty happy with these results. I am kicking weight loss ass, slowly…but surely. Here’s my 4 weeks of personal training photo.
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Week 4; This picture looks bigger because I am closer to the camera but what can I say..my photographer is 4! I work with what I got:)
I realize that it doesn’t look drastically different BUT I also realize that change takes time. I didn’t gain a shit ton of weight in a day and I won’t lose it in a day. The difference this time, from all the other times, I know that eventually I will feel comfortable in my own skin. If I continue putting in the effort at the gym, paying attention to what I put in my mouth, portion sizes and only eating when I am hungry and not when I am bored, nervous, stressed, angry or sad; the weight has to come off. It has to because if it doesn’t come off with Weight Watchers and kick ass personal training sessions, then there is something very wrong with my metabolism and I will be forced to trade it in for one that works. I was asked by a couple readers to keep you all posted so I will try to do an update post once a month with a photo. Maybe if I ever have the good sense to put my make up on before the photo is taken, I can remove that lovely big pink “KaPow” sign off of my face. Have any of you ever undertaken a weight loss journey? What did you do it? How did it work out? What keeps you motivated to get healthy? What is your favorite weight loss tool? Share your weight loss stories, we can be each others weight loss cheerleaders.
Weight Loss ~Learning to love the Skin I’m in
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2011/09/17
Throat Punch Thursday~ Unhealthiness, Thy Name is Obesity

Obesity~ The epidemic that is causing broken hearts and leaving dead bodies in it’s wake all across the world but more specifically in my own home country of the United States. It’s no wonder either. We are a people that live fast paced, on the go and high stress existences. We are always running to and fro and we are overworked and overwhelmed. We are a land of overachievers. In our quest for trying to be the best, we are dropping the ball in one particular area of our life, the most important area..our health. We are mindlessly stress eating too often, everything is super-sized while saturated in grease and we are so busy behind our computers or at our desks that we never get enough exercise. Even when we have the good intentions to work out, we have to beg, borrow and steal to find the time, energy and a babysitter. Sounds to me like obesity is the logical evolution of our current collective lifestyle. But I say NO more!
Just Say No to Obesity
Recently, the answer has been to make fat acceptable. That’s right, I just used the word FAT. Overweight. Obese. However you spin it. If your BMI is over 30 you are a victim, willing participant or whatever the case may be of the epidemic of obesity. Just because we are afraid to hurt one another’s feelings, feel the need to be politically correct and keep changing the size of clothing to pretend we are smaller than we actually are does not mean that we are healthy.It just means that we are packaging obesity in a different way, a prettier package. The only way to be healthy is to put down the fork, get up and get moving and make healthier choices all around. But first, we need to be honest with ourselves! Obesity is no joke. Just because we all pretend it’s cute,package it in fancy clothes and commiserate does not make it any less damaging to our health. That is the point, I am making. That is why the obesity epidemic gets my throat punch. I am fully aware that there are medical conditions that cause some people to be heavy and it’s beyond their control but I’d suspect that only accounts for about 1% of obesity cases. I know most of us don’t do it on purpose, though there are those rare cases of those who do. Most of us got fat the good old fashioned way…we ate too much.
What got me so fired up, you ask? This piece was posted on Facebook, apparently it is spreading like a grassroots fire. I have provided it here…
A while back, at the entrance of a gym, there was a picture of a very thin and beautiful woman. The caption was “This summer, do you want to be a mermaid or a whale?”
The story goes, a woman (of clothing size unknown) answered the following way:
“Dear people, whales are always surrounded by friends (dolphins, seals, curious humans), they are sexually active and raise their children with great tenderness.
They entertain like crazy with dolphins and eat lots of prawns. They swim all day and travel to fantastic places like Patagonia, the Barents Sea or the coral reefs of Polynesia.
They sing incredibly well and sometimes even are on cds. They are impressive and dearly loved animals, which everyone defends and admires.
Is this how Obesity is protected by vilifying the Alternative?
Mermaids do not exist.
But if they existed, they would line up to see a psychologist because of a problem of split personality: woman or fish?
They would have no sex life and could not bear children.
Yes, they would be lovely, but lonely and sad.
And, who wants a girl that smells like fish by his side?
Without a doubt, I’d rather be a whale.
At a time when the media tells us that only thin is beautiful, I prefer to eat ice cream with my kids, to have dinner with my husband, to eat and drink and have fun with my friends.
We women, we gain weight because we accumulate so much wisdom and knowledge that there isn’t enough space in our heads, and it spreads all over our bodies.
We are not fat, we are greatly cultivated.
Every time I see my curves in the mirror, I tell myself: “How amazing am I ?! “
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Tara Lynn

People can say that it is awesome that Tara Lynn is on the cover of a magazine. She is beautiful. Kudos can be given because they see a woman who may look a bit more like who they see in the mirror versus a Adriana Lima. I get that. But I also get that it is NOT healthy. To be honest, if I wanted to see chunky on display, I’d look in the mirror. There has to be healthy sizes in between, maybe something in the 8-14 spectrum. What I would consider to be the average sizes, or what I have been lead to believe is average by what I see around me. Pretending that heavy is healthy is a white lie that may seem innocuous when being said to your best friend, your sister or yourself but think of the ripple effect. One person tells another person who tells another person that unhealthy is acceptable. We spare hurting feelings but we are literally killing one another with kindness. Obesity is an epidemic…like the plague the only difference is that we pretend that it’s not deadly. We treat it as a social disease rather than an honest to goodness medical threat. I don’t know about you but I don’t want to be a damn whale or a mermaid, I want to be a healthy human. There is nothing wrong with wanting to be healthy. Why do we have to accept obesity as the status quo? What are your thoughts on the obesity epidemic?
Unhealthiness, Thy Name is Obesity
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2011/10/06