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same-sex marriage, homosexuality, parenting, love,Rob portman

Would Your Views on Same-Sex Marriage Change if YOUR Child was Gay?

by Deborah Cruz

same-sex marriage, marriage, love, homosexuality, Rob PortmanWould your views on same-sex marriage change if you found out that your child was gay? I woke up this morning and the very first thing that I saw on Twitter was the above photo. It gave me hope and a warm fuzzy feeling. I’ve never understood how a parent could shut their child out or be mad because of who their child was born to love.

I realize that this is not the typical Friday post that people expect but this letter truly inspired me and I felt it needed to be shared with everyone. We need more tolerance and more love in this world and less judgment and hate. The. end.

This letter from a father (who overheard his son’s conversation with his boyfriend) to his son (who is about to come out to his parents) is one of the most wonderfully accepting and loving messages a parent could send to their child. I accept you. I love you. No matter what you are or who you love, you are always my child and my love for you will never waver. I will always be here to turn to, to support you, to understand and to listen. I am your parent and you are my child and I only want what is best for you.

I understand disappointment. Disappointment in losing the idea of what you thought was going to be your child’s life.  You can be sad that your child’s life may be harder than you’d want it to be. That would be natural because you love your child. Our natural instinct is to protect them from an unkind reality. We’re parents, that’s what we do.

But we can’t fight who they are. They were born this way; predisposed to love the same sex. You can’t control who they love no more than you can control who you love. You can’t beat nature into submission. It may recoil and hide to avoid the beatings but in the end, there it is, right beneath the surface and wouldn’t you rather support your child and help them to flourish in their life than to make them afraid to have a dialogue with you. No parent wants their child to feel abandoned and alone.

The next thing I saw this morning was this article about Republican Senator Rob Portman of Ohio, a prominent conservative senator who said on Thursday that he now supports gay marriage. He was previously against same-sex marriage.

His change of heart on the hot-button issue came two years after his son, Will, told him and his wife that he is gay.

“It allowed me to think of this issue from a new perspective, and that’s of a Dad who loves his son a lot and wants him to have the same opportunities that his brother and sister would have—to have a relationship like Jane and I have had for over 26 years,” Portman said.


It’s amazing how you perspective changes when the topic becomes personal. I think its beautiful that he’s seen the light, finally. People are born the way they are meant to be and it’s none of anyone else’s business who someone loves. We should just be glad there is so much love to be given and returned in the world. Love knows know bounds, no color, no religion or sex. It just is. Life is too short to waste time fighting over something that cannot be changed.


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Tricia 2013/03/15 - 11:37 am

My views would not change in the slightest. My boys (currently toddlers) have fought through so much to get where they are now. I thought having preemies who needed to learn to breathe was hard. I was overcome with shame, disappointment in myself that I could not protect them from that early start as a mother. To see them eventually find love – no matter who with – means they survived. The unknown is scary. But really – happy. Healthy. Them’s the goals.

Deborah Cruz 2013/03/15 - 11:58 am

You are a good mama and you have your priorities straight. I’m with you. I will love my girls no matter what and they will know it always.

CJ 2013/03/15 - 11:46 am

My parents don’t accept me, whether it is because of my gayness is up to speculation. I am married. My wife and I have a child via a (gay) known donor whose parents love and support their son. Guess who has a relationship with their grandchild and who does not? If only parents realized what they through away because of the gay.

Deborah Cruz 2013/03/15 - 11:57 am

I’m so sorry that your parents do not accept you. They are missing out on the chance to love their child and your children and your spouse. They are the ones losing out. I know it must be hard, feeling like the people who are always supposed to be there for you have abandoned you. It sucks. I truly don’t know how parents can turn off their feelings like that. There is nothing my child could do to ever make me stop loving them. AS they grow into adults, there may be things about them I won’t like; choices they make, paths they take because it is not my way but I will always love my girls and they will always know that. I am sure your parents love you and miss you but they need to get over their own issues and show you.

CJ 2013/03/15 - 12:02 pm

You are 100% right, until that last part. The damage they have done is irreversible. We have all we need without their issues.

Deborah Cruz 2013/03/15 - 12:18 pm

I wish you every happiness. Love your spouse and cherish your child. Be happy.

CJ 2013/03/15 - 11:47 am

Threw, not through!

Corey Feldman 2013/03/15 - 12:49 pm

Of course not. Wouldn’t change my views in the least. Like you said, I might be sad that their life might be harder than it should have to be or that it doesn’t fit that “ideal” future we all see for our kids, but my children are my world, who they love would not change that in the least.

Deborah Cruz 2013/03/15 - 6:15 pm

@Corey Feldman I agree 100%, my children are my world. I am happy if they are happy and if they are lucky enough to find love, who am I to stand in the way of their happiness?

Katy Rawson 2013/03/23 - 8:43 pm

I’m a lesbian Mother, my daughter was adopted by my ex and I. My twins were naturally conceived after she and I broke up. I consider myself to be someone who’s capable of loving, regardless of gender. Because of this, I’m obviously pro-gay marriage, or marriage as I like to call it. There is nothing that my children could do that would make me ever stop loving them, and I’d certainly be in support of their love, too. But what you said about disappointment would be there for me. I know that life, I have walked that road, and I’m far too familiar with the difficulties that “alternative” lifestyle presents. I don’t want to see them face those issues, and I don’t want them to have any circumstances in which life would become even more difficult. Instead, I hope that IF my children are gay, the world has evolved more, and those challenges won’t be as difficult for them as they were for me.

The TRUTH About Motherhood | Marriage Equality Now & Forever, Prop 8, Same-sex marriage, love, parenting 2013/03/27 - 12:40 pm

[…] does marriage equality fall in all of this? All the fairy tale books end with the implication being that marriage is the […]

Allisa 2013/05/01 - 7:51 am

I have twin youngsters and one of them is gay. Although he won’t admit it, I can tell by his actions. My views on same sex marriage won’t change. But of course, I won’t allow my child to live miserably because of that.

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Yes, sadly, injustice is common in the USA.

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