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Pint Sized Bullies, preschool,

Pint-Sized Bullies Beware

by Deborah Cruz

Pint-sized bullies ~Listen closely, do you hear me hovering? I’ve got to say that there are some instances where I just have to let my Helicopter Mommy freak flag fly. Pint sized preschool bullying is one of those instances. I don’t understand preschoolers who harass one another and I certainly won’t tolerate it from my own child. I wouldn’t even believe that such a thing could exist at such a tender age except for the fact that it seems to be attracted to my daughters. I have no tolerance for bullies. I harbor a special disdain for those billies who prey on those who are smaller/weaker then them or who they know thrives on social interaction and acceptance.

 Pint Sized Bullies, preschool,
Preschool Bullies are alive and Well in the World

My 4 year old has been coming home from school since the first day uttering the name  Ava*. My daughter thinks this kid is awesome. To be fair, my kid is pretty awesome herself. I knew this year would be a big one for my Abbi for the sheer fact that it is the first year Abbi would make her very first friend, that was just her friend and not her big sisters. Until now, Abbi has been grandfathered in on all of Ella’s friendships. It’s worked out nicely for all of us, especially Abbi.  This is her first year of preschool and I knew it would be a process. So her talking about this Ava* non-stop was fine by me because I took it as an indication that Abbi had made a friend. Sure there were the mentions of many others, but this Ava* she was something special to my Abbi. Or so I thought.

About a month into school, every day that I picked Abbi up, she would run to me in smiles and within minutes of being in the car she would promptly start crying. I’d ask what was wrong and every day it was the same thing “Ava was mean to me”, “Ava won’t play with me”, “Ava won’t talk to me”, “Ava told me that I’m not her friend!” She was being bullied but this couldn’t be, not at 4. I thought maybe she was just overly sensitive being that she is still so new at this friend making business. I encouraged her to give Ava* another chance and that maybe the bully Ava* was having a bad day. Of course, on the inside, my heart was breaking because no one wants to see their child hurt, especially when they are so young and have no idea of the ways of the world. She doesn’t understand that some people are just mean girls, just bullies. It’s not her, it’s them. It’s not personal, it’s business. I hate that this bully’s actions are literally changing who my daughter is. Abbi is a naive, sweet innocent kid. She is the epitome of wide-eyed amazement with the world, but being made to feel like she is not good enough is changing her place in the world, because it’s changing how she feels about herself and how she moves in the world. That is absolutely not okay with me. Bullies are not cool.

Bullies Come in all shapes, sizes and colors

I’ve actually been in the classroom twice in the past week and I’ve observed the bullying behavior; there’s been some pair bullying, some teasing, and the worst the ignoring. I have seen it firsthand. Which begs the question why has the teacher not done anything about it? Of course, what else would I expect from the teacher who told me in a discussion ( in which she apparently lost all her senses) that “This job has made me realize just how much I don’t like kids”. Did I mention that she is pregnant? Oh, and that she said this to a mother of one of the said children. Of course, I guess my appalled facial expression jarred her to her senses because she quickly back peddled “But not Abbi, Abbi is a joy!” Ahem, yeah.Crazy bitch said what? This has left me exceedingly frustrated with the situation. My instinct is to shelter her from the cruelty of world. I know I can’t do this forever, but I can delay it until she is a little more secure in who she is. Abbi doesn’t deserve to be made to feel less than and the bullies of the world need to know that their behavior is not only unacceptable but will not be tolerated. This situation needs to be nipped in the proverbial bud or maybe this helicopter, over protective Mommy might need to show her teeth and bite back.

Bullies beware of Mama Bear

My gut reaction was to pull her out of school. I know it’s drastic but I don’t feel that I can talk to the teacher and changing classes wouldn’t be fair because then Abbi is being punished. Of course, running from bullies in life is not an acceptable lesson that I want to teach my child but I also can’t continue to be witness to her deflation. She is amazing and I have to be her advocate, first and foremost. I have to teach her that she is better than good enough and that in dealing with the bullies of the world to remember that they are the ones who are experiencing the deficit not her. I will point blank talk to the teacher, if that doesn’t work, I’ll talk to the parents of Ava*. Have you ever had to deal with a pint-sized bully? What did you do? How do you teach your children to handle bullies? What would you do if you were me?

*Names of bullies have been changed.

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jill simonian 2011/11/08 - 4:50 pm

Wow. I read this and – even though I’m not there yet with my 1 year old – my heart broke! The thought of my baby girl being sad breaks my heart and I actually felt that same pang thinking about your little one (even though I’ve never met her)!

Here’s what I would do, but I can sometimes be a rash and naive idiot, so take this rookie advice with a grain of salt:





But that’s just me. Don’t judge. 🙂

Truthful Mommy 2011/11/09 - 10:07 am

You have such a great heart, I love that it is big enough to break for my child:)
I am strongly considering your advice! There is no such thing as a rookie Mommy. You think with a mother’s heart and that makes you as much of an expert in these matters as Michelle Duggar.
I’m all about scaring the shit out of this kid:) I actually went to the teacher this morning and explained point blank what was going on and what needed to happen to rectify the situation. She assured me that she would be there to guide the girls through this so that there is no more bullying. THis was that little bully’s hail mary…if this doesn’t work and at pick up,my girl comes our deflated again..well, then someone is going to have to deal with me. I don’t really care if it’s appropriate to speak with another parent’s child or not, obviously they are not doing such a great job with their little monster. I may have to make her cry but I refuse to let her cause my daughter to feel less than good enough. I won’t do it. I am my girl’s advocate in life, she is too young to know to walk away when someone is intentionally being hurtful. She feels like she is doing something wrong. She can;t grasp that the other little girl is the one who is being mean for whatever reason, she is the one with the malfunction.I hate that our children have to learn these lessons so young. Thanks for your comment and advice, it is wonderful, as is your great big Mommy heart. Love on, my friend! XO

lceel 2011/11/08 - 6:10 pm

Buy her a Taser for Christmas.

Truthful Mommy 2011/11/09 - 9:55 am

This is a great suggestion save for the fact that she is four and would probably taser herself..or me:)

kelebek 2011/11/09 - 1:10 am

This is such a difficult one. I have had 2 experiences of this with my daughter who is now 5, but was 3/4 at the time. One was a friends daughter who was very physically aggresive and would hit out at my daughter (and everyone else) everytime she didnt get her own way. Her mother did little about it and it became a very awkward situation. One day I had had enough.When the mother of the child was out of earshot and the bullying child was at it again, I just got down to her level, looked her straight in the eye and said “Now listen to me, if you smack …….(my daughter) her Daddy is going to smack you” She looked down at the ground in shame and never once laid a finger on my daughter again! I am not proud of this, but it worked! The second instance was more of the bitchy, “Im not your friend anymore” and playing my daughter and another child off against each other. I just pointed out to my daughter that this girls behaviour was not kind and that it is good to have lots of friends and be nice to everyone. She agreed with me and her and the other child became good friends leaving the bully alone (she eventually moved away thus ending the problem) I think it is part of growing up and learning about people and relationships and although you want to protect your child, they also need to aquire the skills to protect themselves. I was bullied at school and wish I had stood up for myself right from the start , as it would probably never have progressed if I had. Remember also at this age the bullies are also so young and maybe dont know any better. I would talk to the child directly, not necessarily like I did (!) but just be firm and make it clear you know about it and wont tolerate it. Good luck!

Truthful Mommy 2011/11/09 - 9:36 am

Sounds like we have been cut from the same mold:)LOL I know this scenario too well.
I do know that this kid may not be fully aware of what she is doing but I think on some level she knows that she is being hurtful. Of course she does not understand that she can cause long term damage to my daughter’s self-esteem, as I do. I need to end this. I did speak with the teacher this morning an she said that she has been witnessing some of this behavior. The problem is that even that the little girl is being a bully , my daughter keeps trying to be her friend. It’s almost as if she wants to be her friend more because she tells her that she doesn’t want to be my daughter’s friend. Classic case of you always want what you can’t have:) The teacher has agreed to keep an eye and intervene on my daughter’s behavior. I have told my daughter, as I do every day, to try and play/ be friends with some of the other students. We will see. If not, I may have to resort to some down low threats:) Thank you so much for sharing your experience and insight.

Tatum 2011/11/09 - 1:23 pm

I despise bullies!! My nephew had a bus bully and it just broke my heart. Fortunately it’s no longer a problem. My heart just aches for your little girl. As you said they are so young and are learning to make friends, they don’t understand bullies.

I say keep doing what you’re doing, monitoring the situation and putting the teachers in check. And if you have to “resort to some down low threats” lol, you do what you have to do to protect your daughter.

Have a great day!

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