New Baby Smell ~ Kryptonite for the Mommy soul. Oh yes, I’ve got baby on the brain big time. I know I have pledged myself to the Just Say No to babies campaign. I have willfully closed for business. I have made the decision to close the doors on the baby factory. No more producing grade-A human beings. I know this. I am pretty excited that my girls are of the age where they sleep for more than 4 hours at a time ( usually), that there are no more diapers and ass wiping ( well, most of the time). I don’t particularly miss being spit up on or not understanding what my children are saying. But then something happens, like the birth of my brand spanking new nephew all enveloped in that new baby smell. You know what I mean; it’s like apples, fresh air and pure freaking love. Then you look at that face that melts your heart and short circuits your brain. This is when trouble happens.
Then, the ovaries began to twitch – the brain to ditch and suddenly the hinges( of my uterus) started to unhitch. I think there are many of us Mommies who reside somewhere between Baby gotta have it land and Hell no,we won’t go there again newborn city (like New Jack City but not quite so violent). We stay there in a procreation purgatory until one of two things happens 1) we convince our husbands to get a vasectomy or 2) we go through menopause, either way, the inbetween time is dangerous. All it takes is one look at a smiling mug like this one below and we are doomed. One minute (ok 5 minutes) of unprotected wild abandonment and BOOM there we are in a full on shit storm of the delivery kind.
Dear Lord, this kind of cuteness should certainly be outlawed. My brain goes all fuzzy and the next thing you know I’m doing things that I promised myself I’d never do again like birthing a 15 inch human head without an epidural ( a la Alien), losing control of my bodily functions, and a menagerie of other things that nobody, not even your mama, tells you about pregnancy.
Uterus is full on convulsing.For the love of God can someone please get me outta here before I do something stupid like have unprotected ovulatory sex. Yeah, that’s right, I said it. I know my body like a fine tuned machine and I know two weeks to the day of the start of shark week, fertility lurks. Must resist moments of weakness and smell of fresh out of the oven new baby. And damn it if my sister isn’t the picture of new mommy glow. I thought that was a myth! No fair. I most certainly did not glow. I looked like I had been run over by a Mack truck. Note to self: New baby smell comes with new baby and New baby is hard work ( even if he is so cute that you want to kiss his face off). Have you ever felt conflicted as to if you should have another baby? What do you do to stop the twitching ovaries and throbbing uterus? Or was new baby the new no baby? What tipped the scales in favor of new baby?