Mommy Truisims ~ Moving Edition

Mommy Truisms; Moving Edition ~I’ve learned some hard truisms over the span of my short tour of duty Mommying, thus far. But have recently been bitch slap reminded of a few truisms that I had tried to forget. Moving/Selling a house is never fun.I’ve had the pleasure of moving 3 times since my Ella was born in 2005. If you’ve ever done the frequent moving thing before, you can attest to the fact that I am not stretching the truth when I say it’s as trying as walking up hill in the blistering sun, only to have 1 step up be 2 steps back and you can NOT quit. Frustration is the understatement of a lifetime. So, here I will share a few moving truisms that may be helpful, in the very least amusing at my expense.

Moving, Mommy Truisms

Moving Edition

  • If perpetual cleaning is your idea of a good time and you have small children, you should put your house on the market immediately.Like right this moment. Seriously!
  • While packing, you will “hide” put so many things up away from children, that you may as well kiss them goodbye because most likely they are in the home sellers Bermuda triangle. Rest assured, they will NEVER resurface ( case in point, the Vivitar digital cameras I bought the girls for Christmas 2009. Where are they?I don’t know.Oh ,yeah…BERMUDA FRICKING TRIANGLE.)
  • Apparently, leaving your “Nads” in your sink drawer is a bad idea. No one wants to by a house from a monkey woman.Go figure. This also applies to your medicines. Nobody wants to know your flavor of sick or crazy. Turn those labels around or throw them in your purse on the way out.
  • If you have “personal” items requiring batteries, a plastic tote is not the best storage spot for it unless you like inappropriate smiles from your realtor. Also, if you “hide” it under the bed, be sure to remember to “find” it before the movers do. Also, come on, you should know better you have kids:)
  • Shitty diapers left in the garbage do not a house sell. Don’t test this one. Just take my word for it.
  • If your house went on the market in the middle of blizzard weather and on the day  you have a showing scheduled it is unseasonably warm, melting all the snow  in your yard, it is mandatory that you spend the 3 hours previous to viewers arrival cleaning up and disposing of any and all dog shit mine fields that have been revealed.
  • There is nothing more fun than packing up 2/3rds of your children’s toys and stacking in the garage. Oh wait, yes there is. That would be your children knowing they are there and whining for them on the regular…daily.
  • When people view a house, they DON’T want to know that children or dogs have ever soiled your house. Hide all evidence of children and family pets.

Mommy Truisms ~ Moving is Hardwork

  • The most angelic and well-behaved children will turn into Tazmanian devils and dirt monsters when faced with a pristine house.
  • Trying to keep your house clean for showings while living with rambunctious preschoolers is as futile as trying to stay on a diet in a house made of chocolate cake, held together by frosting. It is equally as frustrating.
  • Showings will most likely ALWAYS be scheduled at your child’s bed time and if they are sick, showing frequency will certainly increase.
  • Finding something to do with overtired little ones, at their bed time, is a lot more difficult than it should be or you would ever imagine. Unless of course you are partial to whining, crying & over reactions…which I am not.
  • Convincing a 5 year old to move and leave her school and friends is so much easier once you wear them down and they have hit their limit of missing their daddy.12 months..FTW!!
  • When moving, sometimes you have to endure some negotiations with your children in the name of the greater good. For example, you don’t want to leave the house you were born in? I’ll buy you bunk beds…at the new house. You don’t want me to pack your toys up? I’ll buy you a trampoline when we get the new house. You want to be a Tazmanian devil and sweep through the house like a monsoon leaving death and destruction in your wake? I will build you a treehouse at the new house. Damn, I sure hope the new house has a big bag of money buried in the backyard.
  • Baking cookies to give the house a “comfortable/inviting” smell is great as long as you don’t get distracted by your 1 year old who you spy out the corner of your eye about to leap from the coffee table to the ottoman. Burnt cookies…not so inviting a smell. Also, cooking bacon for breakfast the day of a showing…not such a great idea either. You’ve been warned.

Moving is Near Impossible with children

These are just a few. There are many, many more. What have you learned about yourself and your children while moving or trying to sell a house?

 

 

 

Comments (11)

Best. Post. Ever. And I’m on the other side since we’re trying to buy. But all great tips 🙂

I here ya on house selling. Not fun. Especially not fun with little kids. You’ll be so happy when it’s all done and over.

Any offers yet?

Bruna,
No offers yet. It’s only been officially on market for a week. We’ve had 3 showings. Hoping it sells soon. Im ready to move.

Ha ha. I feel your pain. I’m a Realtor (well, barely, but technically I am) and it is ridiculous with what all the hoops you have to jump through. Also, I have moved twice in the last 2 years (once away from our house and then back again) and I have no idea where my freaking hair brush went! (Bermuda Triangle). My house has been listed for sale for 5 years now. FIVE YEARS!!!!!!!! Do you know how many showings that is?!?!? It’s maddening. Sorry to hear you are going through the same crap!

Krysta,
LOL! We moved here form Tennessee in 2005. Then we moved to VA in summer of 2009, then we moved back here in Spring of 2010. NOw we are moving again. ANd yes, there are many things missing in the damn Bermuda triangle. Girl, 5 years…I will literally blow something up if this house is on the market for 5 years because sold or not,I’ve got to be in new city this fall for school. I can;t stay in holding pattern.I’ve got to live with my husband. 5 years of showings, constant cleaning..ARGH, I’m mad for you:) XO

I feel your pain. I’ve moved 4 times over the last 2 years and it SUCKS every time! I’ve lost so much stuff to the Bermuda Triangle! I’ve lived with boxes piled around me for so long now that I’ve forgotten what it’s like to not live with cardboard!

Good luck! I hope your move goes well!

Laura,
I know, we still have stuff in boxes from our move back of winter 2009/2010. We never totally unpacked because we knew we’d be moving again. We just didn’t realize it be almost an entire year later! Next time I unpack,Im not doing it again. Everything’s coming out of boxes. I officially hate cardboard now:)

I’m an expert at this having moved 12 times with 6 kids…but I’ve got nothing to add other than God Bless you. It’s really really hard.

A Mommy in the City

I know how you feel! We still have our house on the market in FL. And unfortunately with the way the market is down there, it doesn’t look like we will be selling it any time soon. Thank goodness for renters! Good luck with everything, mama!

BRILLIANT!!!! Seriously. Seriously brilliant! I am dying laughing. I cannot stop. And it is SO true! That is is the worst of it! I love you, babe! Hang in there!

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