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Mommy B.K.

by Deborah Cruz

Remember , a long time ago, in a land far, far away where you could come and go as you pleased? You could take a bath/shower/change a tampon in uninterrupted peace. Eat a warm meal. Drink a glass of water sans back wash? Dream when you slept, better yet, have restful and rejuvenating sleep? Blare the radio as loud as you wanted. None of your clothes had spit up/pee/poop or baby sized food encrusted lip prints? Wow! It’s been so long for me, that I can barely even remember life before kids (B.K.)

It’s become so much the norm that I feel odd when I do actually have any alone time. On the rare occasion when I  get to go out in public alone, I find myself saying things like “excuse us”  or “we would like”.I always speak in  the plural. I get the strangest looks. I am assuming that it can only be because I am alone ( still wearing yoga pants, a ponytail, and no make up) speaking in the plural, and probably looking like I’ve escaped from the insane asylum/prison, which  in a way, I have. I often wonder how may people I have had these encounters with , not knowing the context in which I am speaking, suspect I may have more than a few Sybil like tendencies.

I don’t know when it happened, but somewhere along the way I have evolved from being a fearless, reckless, throw caution to the wind, go for broke kinda gal to a slow down, look both ways, your face is going to freeze that way, you’re going to poke your eyes out, OMG what if the plane crashes and my kids are left parent-less kind of Mommy. Believe me, this was not a conscious choice. I didn’t wake up one day and say to myself, “Hey, Debi..from today on, you will drive like a granny and beat the crap out of ANY person who ever threatens your child’s life by wrecking into you.” Seriously, that has become the constant rerunning thought in my brain when driving “If someone wrecks into me and hurts my children,so help me God,I’m going to jump out of my car and beat their ass!” Before kids, I am not afraid to admit I was a bit of a speed demon and have garnered more than my fair share of speeding tickets.I did a lot of driving in my 20’s and had people to see and places to go.Those were the days. Of course, I guess in that way, my kids have saved my life. I’ve not had 1 speeding ticket since becoming pregnant with my first, ( says the girl who once got 3 tickets in one over night drive).That was Mommy B.K.

What am I trying to say? I am saying that once in awhile I miss being able to have the freedom to be just “me”. To not have to check every single decision I make in life in triplicate is a admittedly very missed perk of my previous life that I do sometimes wish I had access to on occasion. But what have I gained in these small sacrifices? I have earned copious amounts of love and a fulfillment in my life that can only be described as priceless. Of course, I would still like to be able to change a tampon in private, that my friends may be the thing I miss the most. I suppose I should stop complaining and know that one day, in the not to distant future, I will be driving like a bat out of hell again, racking up speeding tickets, jet setting to foreign soils, and describing my life in terms of Mommy E.N. (Empty Nest). For now, I will enjoy the every pulchritudinous morsel of  Mommy W.K. (With Kids).

How has your life changed since having your kids? What do you miss the most? Happy Mothering!

Today, I have the great pleasure of having my first ever article published at Momversation. Please stop  by and leave some love! If you’ve loved my Mommy Truisms, you will love Best Lies I Ever told My Daughters.

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Heidi 2011/01/17 - 4:30 pm

Well, I’m no mom, so what do I know? But it seems to me you’ve taken that wonderful feisty personality of yours and funneled it into being a fiercely protective mother. Those traits aren’t gone, just re-jiggered, so to speak. And there’s a kind of beauty to that evolution.

It does explain one thing for me though. My whole life my mom’s been speaking in terms of “we”. I never really got it until now. The next time she does it I think I will have more sympathy for the absence of the ‘we’ since she is now decidedly E.N. 🙂

On a separate note, you’ve changed the site, right? Looks good. And that slideshow of your family is beautiful.

Truthful Mommy 2011/01/17 - 5:10 pm

Yes, I switched over around the beginning of the year. I wanted something a little more Big Girl Blog, so to speak:)
Yes, I doubt I will ever start speaking in “I” again. It truly is funny, I get pissed every single time I do it out in public. I always get the strangest looks. Honestly, I think once you become a “we” it’s forever. What is it they say. KIds may outgrow your lap but never your heart. Mine are there for good.I’ll just have to get used to the “crazy lady” looks because apparently that’s who I’ve become.
Thanks for the compliment on the slide show. I love these people,so I have to think they are cute but it’s always nice to hear it from others:)

Sinny jeans mom 2011/01/18 - 12:41 am

Love this post! So many if not all moms can relate, but won’t admit it because they think they must live up to “perfect mom” standards and never complain about anything. Guess what: just because I fully enjoy a night out with my hubs or friends while my child sleeps soundly at Grandma’s does not make me a bad mom; it keeps me the person I was before I had a child.

Truthful Mommy 2011/01/18 - 4:00 am

Oh I used to be that Mommy who thought Oh my God how can she leave her baby..to go out with her friends, Whats more important.That was before I realized how vital that decompression time is. For the first 4 years, I can count on 1 hand and 1 finger how many times I wnt out without my girls and that was a Junior league function..mandatory.But last year, we moved and I had to make friends. SO I had to find time to nurture those relationships and I met some wonderful Mommy friends who invited me out. The girls were home with Daddy and let me tell you, it was like the first time I had chocolate…I wanted more. So now, we try at least every couple of months to have a night out. It is so important to staying sane and feeling like you are more than just someone’s Mommy.

Bruna 2011/01/18 - 2:39 am

I so miss the old days too! I don’t even remember what it feels like to pee in private, never mind change a tampon! Sometimes my girls fetch me one!

I think the thing I miss the most is the copious amounts of time hubby and I had to spend together, just us. Time to be out and about, painting the town red.

In the end, you’re right though Deb ~ look what we have to show for as Moms with kids. Wouldn’t trade it for the world.

Truthful Mommy 2011/01/18 - 4:03 am

I love my girls with a love so fierce sometimes I feel like its all consuming but I have learned that sometimes I need a night, a couple hours, to be away from them and decompress. Sometimes being “on” all the time is just too much. Ic an;t even describe what a couple hours out to dinner with uninterrupted conversation with my husband means to me. THere is nothing quite so beautiful as the feeling of missing your littles. When we go out and come home to sleeping littles, who I know have been worn to exhaustion by their Grandma, I am so happy to be home that I never want to leave again. ANd then I am good fro another couple months.:)

Alicia @MommyDelicious 2011/01/18 - 3:47 am

I’m right there with you. I wrote a post on this a while back, and I termed it BC, before child. I thought that I would miss my partying and hanging with friends and going out to eat all the time days, but what I actually miss the most is my alone time. Sounds weird, but it’s true. Before I say or do anything, I have to think twice about it. Something as simple as watching an episode of Law and Order SVU. Or eating sugar cookies for dinner (yum!). I can’t do those things while my son is around. And he’s around all the time until nap or bedtime. I love, love, love him to pieces! But I love my alone time too.

Truthful Mommy 2011/01/18 - 4:07 am

RIght, it is so hard to get used to NEVER being alone. SOmetimes I find myself tripping over them because they are walking so closely. MOst days I find it endearing but others, I just want to be able to hear myself think or be able to not worry about how my actions and words will affect someone else.Yes, I just had a night over the weekend where the girls went to bed on time, my husband was engrossed in a football game and I could..freely, and unguiltily retire to my bedroom for a little quiet time and vegging in front of the tv. Sadly to say. it was blissful and I am looking forward to the next time this happens:)

Krysta MacGray 2011/01/18 - 2:40 pm

Oh my gosh! I so do the whole “what if the plane crashes” thing too. It’s so stressful! I have a hard time flying for some reason. And EVERY time I go to the bathroom I automatically wonder just how many seconds it will be before I hear little feet running for the door. That is, If they are not directly behind me already chasing me down the hall. Husbands are the same too. I swear my name always gets yelled the second I close the bathroom door. What the? Can I not pee, people?!? I have been out with everybody for 15 minutes and nobody has called my name…but the second I leave is another story!

Truthful Mommy 2011/01/18 - 4:58 pm

I so know the feeling.Luckily, if the Big Guy is home he tries to keep the kids out of the bathroom. It usually goes something like this, BOOM BOOMBOOM on the door, Big Guy “Leave your Mom alone” Kid: “I want MOmmy” Big Guy: “Let her pee in peace” Kid:”NO!””wahwahwah Me: opening door ” forget it,just come in!”
And I so get the airplane thing, I’m thinking separate flights so if one of us goes down…the kids still have one parent.I can;t handle the thought of the alternatives:)

Christine 2011/01/19 - 2:20 am

The BK life. Oh how I miss thee. I can’t remember the last time I had a shower without a kid attempting to get naked and hopping in, let alone peeing.

I am not one to take the “breaks” but I am the first to hop into bed and have a … well attempt… a nap mid day and leave the Hubby to deal with them. Oh the BK days. *goes off into dream land!*

Samantha 2011/08/16 - 6:42 am

I know what you mean, my boys are the center of my world.
I have to devote my life to try to be the mommy they deserve, my oldest has ADHD so I have had to completely change my parenting style to suit his needs, and its upsetting to go out in public and see children who are younger then him being more mature and having conversations with there parents, it makes me sad inside. There are days I look around my house and sigh because I miss who I was and I know it will be a long time till I get to be that person again, and to make it harder there are days I think my husband has forgotten who I once was to the point that he pushes for more of the mommy side and less of the me before kids side….I once was a woman who was in 4-H and teen council be who also did drag racing and go-cart racing on weekends. I love dirt bikes 4wheelers and motorcycle, now I am told I never to touch one again till the kids are grown. I have seem to fallen into the girly role of knitting and sewing which I like but I know I have a wilder side and I miss it. An I want my boys to know one day that mommy is cool and she can do everything daddy can do


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