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Frogs are for soup, Friends are forever!

by Deborah Cruz


Friends~Today, I was reminded of a growing trend in today’s world, especially in regards to Mommies. You see, I am fully aware of the fact that, it is near impossible to make real friends as an adult. I know we make acquaintances on a daily basis, but real , honest to goodness friends who you can be yourself with. You know the friends that you can have those heart to hearts with and actually let your guard down without fear of backlash. Those same ladies that you would actually let see you without makeup and not have to worry that they were judging you.

True Friends are Few and Far Between

With my first child, in my naivete, I truly thought that every woman I met, who had a child of my child’s same age, would have an instant connection with me and I with her. I started taking my baby to classes and forming play groups with Mom’s who I just knew were going to be my life long friends. The type of relationships you hear your Mom tell you about.Her best friend that she met at the hospital when they were both in labor at the exact same moment and they have been best friends since that day forward.

But soon, I was slapped in the face with reality. The reality, my friends, is that just the fact that you have children of the same exact age does not mean that you have anything else in the world in common. The only thing it really means is that you both were pregnant at the same time and you are both really freakin tired.

I’ve done this dance countless times, trying to find a fit. Once I got over the shock of reality and accepted that fact, things got better. I came to realize that if you are looking for play dates and play mates for your children, you will do fine. That is exactly what play dates are, after all.

If you are going into it expecting something more, you are probably in for disappointment. It’s like going on a blind date and claiming him to be your soul mate before even meeting the poor guy and realizing he’s actually an alien …from another planet, not another country. Sure, there are accidental occurrences when you set up a routine play date and meet your Mommy soul mate. That is the exception, not the rule.

Mommy Friends Rule

It saddens me that in a world and a time in our lives when women could benefit so much from sisterhood, it feels as if its almost nonexistent. What I am referring to is the fact that a lot of Mommies spend the time with their other Mommy friends comparing their children like prized cattle and heaven forbid anybody admit to being human and needing help. I think that if we, as women, could feel like we could be ourselves and ask for help from one another, without being judged for it or given the stink eye, our quality of life would be so much better. We could all help one another become better people and better Moms, simply by giving one another support and a friendly ear.

All this being said, sometimes we are lucky enough to meet other women/Mommies who are in fact our true friends. We meet, we hit it off, and the rest is history. My point being that if you don’t go into play dates expecting anything more than play mates for your child, you will be completely satisfied with your experience. When one of those friendships parlays into a true girlfriend you will be pleasantly surprised. And when you find those kinds of friendships, nurture them, be a true friend yourself, and open yourself up to be yourself ( give yourself a break). These friendships are amazing.

I have been blessed in my life to find some really great friends through my children.Women who actually look at you with understanding and compassion in their eyes when they see you the morning after a long night up with a sick child, not looking at you wondering why you look so awful and are acting so grouchy. Women who will literally give you the clothes off their back, bring you food when you are hungry or just too tired or stressed to cook, or volunteer to watch your kids when you look like you need it the most; these women and their friendships are priceless.They are worth all the so-so play dates, while having a place and purpose,that don’t necessarily fulfill your personal needs.

Its like finding your prince after kissing all of those dang frogs. Frogs are for soup, friends are forever. To all my Mommy girlfriends, you know who you are, thanks for waiting while I was hanging out with all those frogs. So glad to have your friendship, your conversation, your support and your love. To all my frogs, Rib-bit, thanks for the play dates.


*Speaking of fiends, my first post at Aiming Low’s new channel Miss Unlimited has gone live. Would LOVE it if you would take a minute to check it out and leave it some love. I am so excited to be a part of the Aiming Low family and honored to be writing for the Miss Unlimited channel. It will make a difference in the way our girls live in the world. What would you say to your 13 year-old self? What would you say to your 13 year-old daughter? I’d love to hear your thoughts, as I share with you a Letter to my 13 year-old self.

Frogs are for soup, friends are forever.

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Kalley C 2011/10/05 - 9:30 am

I love this post. It’s so true. When my daughter was born, I was looking into play dates to have some friends. But it came painfully clear that we had nothing in common.

I don’t know why when we have child, we try to find other women with children to be friends with, maybe it has to do with the village mentality.

I’m lucky that I have a good support system with my family, so any friends that I make outside of my “circle” is gravy.

Truthful Mommy 2011/10/05 - 12:12 pm

I agree 100%! Every single girlfriend that I make as an adult, and even more so after becoming a Mommy, is GRAVY! I love me some gravy and am so lucky to have so many wonderful, caring, genuine women in my gravy circle:)Friends enrich life. They make the good parts better and the bad parts tolerable. Friends add depth and dimension to the every day.

Christina S. 2011/10/05 - 1:38 pm

Well said and sadly true. Here’s the other harsh truth: As your children get older and become more independent, the smaller your pool of potential friends becomes. Kiss those frogs while you can!

Truthful Mommy 2011/10/05 - 1:52 pm

This is so true. My girls are 4 and 6 and my pool of frogs to kiss has already shrunk drastically.I’d better get my feet wet and start kissing anything that moves. We just relocated and Mama needs some new friends. Luckily, I volunteered to be the room mom and I have the master list of all the parents contacts…hope they don’t think I am overstepping my boundaries when they get an email about a Mommies night out:) I’m going for it. Let the frog kissing commence!

susan 2011/10/06 - 3:29 am

I often extol the virtue of my mother-friends. they are my sanity savers, my best friends, my extended family.
I choose to spend time with these women, even though our children may not choose to play together any more…in fact we meet without the kids more often than not these days!

Lady goo goo gaga 2011/10/06 - 8:49 am

you are very lucky to have found real friends through your kids!!! My mommy friends are just that – mommy friends.
But I still always hope to find a friend – or gasp – a couple!! we could be friends with!!

Peryl 2011/10/06 - 1:17 pm

This is so true and I am especially aware of it being in a new state this fall. Am hoping to find some princesses. Though that frog is damn cute. And my first aiming low post is up today too!! Running right over to check out yours :).

Truth Mama 2011/10/06 - 3:10 pm

This is so true. I also was under the impression that I was bound to become instant besties with someone because we had kids the same age. It seems everyone is too worried to be themselves and not be viewed as “perfect”. It’s really hard to break through that barrier to really get to know them. Or you just don’t have anything else in common with them. So I guess it will be just me and my daughter for a while and that’s OK because I signed us up for a billion things this winter so we don’t go crazy sitting in the house!

Leighann 2011/10/06 - 4:01 pm

Gosh, I don’t know what I would do without my best friend. She’s the one I tell everything too. The first person I text when something crazy happens.
I love her like a sister.
I hope my daughter has a friendship like that when she’s older.

Truthful Mommy 2011/10/06 - 11:59 pm

You are a lucky girl. Cherish those friendships!


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