Friends~Today, I was reminded of a growing trend in today’s world, especially in regards to Mommies. You see, I am fully aware of the fact that, it is near impossible to make real friends as an adult. I know we make acquaintances on a daily basis, but real , honest to goodness friends who you can be yourself with. You know the friends that you can have those heart to hearts with and actually let your guard down without fear of backlash. Those same ladies that you would actually let see you without makeup and not have to worry that they were judging you.
True Friends are Few and Far Between
With my first child, in my naivete, I truly thought that every woman I met, who had a child of my child’s same age, would have an instant connection with me and I with her. I started taking my baby to classes and forming play groups with Mom’s who I just knew were going to be my life long friends. The type of relationships you hear your Mom tell you about.Her best friend that she met at the hospital when they were both in labor at the exact same moment and they have been best friends since that day forward.
But soon, I was slapped in the face with reality. The reality, my friends, is that just the fact that you have children of the same exact age does not mean that you have anything else in the world in common. The only thing it really means is that you both were pregnant at the same time and you are both really freakin tired.
I’ve done this dance countless times, trying to find a fit. Once I got over the shock of reality and accepted that fact, things got better. I came to realize that if you are looking for play dates and play mates for your children, you will do fine. That is exactly what play dates are, after all.
If you are going into it expecting something more, you are probably in for disappointment. It’s like going on a blind date and claiming him to be your soul mate before even meeting the poor guy and realizing he’s actually an alien …from another planet, not another country. Sure, there are accidental occurrences when you set up a routine play date and meet your Mommy soul mate. That is the exception, not the rule.
Mommy Friends Rule
It saddens me that in a world and a time in our lives when women could benefit so much from sisterhood, it feels as if its almost nonexistent. What I am referring to is the fact that a lot of Mommies spend the time with their other Mommy friends comparing their children like prized cattle and heaven forbid anybody admit to being human and needing help. I think that if we, as women, could feel like we could be ourselves and ask for help from one another, without being judged for it or given the stink eye, our quality of life would be so much better. We could all help one another become better people and better Moms, simply by giving one another support and a friendly ear.
All this being said, sometimes we are lucky enough to meet other women/Mommies who are in fact our true friends. We meet, we hit it off, and the rest is history. My point being that if you don’t go into play dates expecting anything more than play mates for your child, you will be completely satisfied with your experience. When one of those friendships parlays into a true girlfriend you will be pleasantly surprised. And when you find those kinds of friendships, nurture them, be a true friend yourself, and open yourself up to be yourself ( give yourself a break). These friendships are amazing.
I have been blessed in my life to find some really great friends through my children.Women who actually look at you with understanding and compassion in their eyes when they see you the morning after a long night up with a sick child, not looking at you wondering why you look so awful and are acting so grouchy. Women who will literally give you the clothes off their back, bring you food when you are hungry or just too tired or stressed to cook, or volunteer to watch your kids when you look like you need it the most; these women and their friendships are priceless.They are worth all the so-so play dates, while having a place and purpose,that don’t necessarily fulfill your personal needs.
Its like finding your prince after kissing all of those dang frogs. Frogs are for soup, friends are forever. To all my Mommy girlfriends, you know who you are, thanks for waiting while I was hanging out with all those frogs. So glad to have your friendship, your conversation, your support and your love. To all my frogs, Rib-bit, thanks for the play dates.
*Speaking of fiends, my first post at Aiming Low’s new channel Miss Unlimited has gone live. Would LOVE it if you would take a minute to check it out and leave it some love. I am so excited to be a part of the Aiming Low family and honored to be writing for the Miss Unlimited channel. It will make a difference in the way our girls live in the world. What would you say to your 13 year-old self? What would you say to your 13 year-old daughter? I’d love to hear your thoughts, as I share with you a Letter to my 13 year-old self.