web analytics

The TRUTH About Motherhood

Category: Personal

  • Truthful Tuesday; June 22, 2010

    Honesty , is the best policy ,right? Well, maybe not but it sure does help lighten your load. I hate holding things in and I seldom do, as you probably have already guessed. Here are my confessions for the day:

    1) Still annoyed about being sick in the summer!

    2) Super annoyed that I am sick here alone, with my the big guy out of town for business! Out of town on business sucks! When do I get to go out of town for business? Quick, somebody find me some out of town business!

    3)I am really getting aggravated that I am finding out on a daily basis that people that I always thought I could count on, I can not. Then again, support and true friendship is sprouting up in the most unlikely places. I’m not going into specifics but I’ve been habitually let down by people lately and its stating to turn my half full into a half empty attitude. Don’t worry, I won’t let it.

    4) Nosy/Gossipy neighbors! Now, I am all for suburban neighborhood bonding. Hell, one of my best friends is my neighbor and she ROCKS! Thanks for picking up the meds so us sickies didn’t have to venture out, you rock S! But what I can’t stand are neighbors who tell me in one breath that they are very private and like to keep to themselves and in the next tell me all the gossip of the neighborhood! Hmmm? What’s worse, their gossip and opinions are all skewed because they don’t actually talk to their neighbors…just about them. So, please Mr. Neighbor, please keep your false accusations and gossip to yourself. I actually know these people, and with the exception of one really big asshole ( other than yourself) they are all pretty  freaking sweet neighbors!

    OK, enough confessing for tonight. I feel better already. Sometimes, you just need to to get it off of your chest!Happy Mothering!

  • Somewhere Over the Rainbow

    I borrowed this video from Juliana @ A Blonde walks into a Blog. Here’s me being hopefully optimistic and spreading the message with a little sunshine instead of a heart full of disgust and hopelessness. Hope this makes us all a little more aware of the depth of humanity at which this situation is affecting us all. I hope it inspires you to make the choice to leave a better world for your children and your children’s children! If you’d like to help make a difference, please click here. Happy Mothering!

    [fusion_builder_container hundred_percent=”yes” overflow=”visible”][fusion_builder_row][fusion_builder_column type=”1_1″ background_position=”left top” background_color=”” border_size=”” border_color=”” border_style=”solid” spacing=”yes” background_image=”” background_repeat=”no-repeat” padding=”” margin_top=”0px” margin_bottom=”0px” class=”” id=”” animation_type=”” animation_speed=”0.3″ animation_direction=”left” hide_on_mobile=”no” center_content=”no” min_height=”none”][youtube=https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8jPjJPVdR4g][/fusion_builder_column][/fusion_builder_row][/fusion_builder_container]

  • Throat Punch Thursday; Taking it up the rear edition

    Disclaimer: Dear readers if anyone is easily offended, faint of heart, or just doesn’t like opinionated, foul language laced, bad behavior please step away from this post. Please do not walk….run! I love you all and do not want to offend.Be warned, some opinions stated within may be alarming and may even crush your dreams and ideas….forever.

    As I am sure you are all very aware, the whole Gulf oil spill situation has gotten completely out of hand. I know there have been other spills all over the world. I am not so naive as to not recognize that big oil companies have been doing this shit all over the world. It’s just a little more damn apparent when it is in our own backyard or ocean, as the case may be.I don’t know about you, but I am starting to feel like the American people are getting all kinds of lip service and then..BAM, bend over bitch..right up the rear! No warning, no bargaining, no KY just BAM!!! Last week I had to give the weekly throat punch to  Hayward and Obama. This week, after hearing the incredulous bullshit that fell out of our President’s mouth. I had to give it to him and him alone.He can take his throat punch all by himself. Why, You ask? Well, it had something to do with  this and a lot to do with this: “I have established a National Commission to understand the causes of this disaster and offer recommendations on what additional safety and environmental standards we need to put in place.” A fucking commission!I don’t know about you but I’m feeling condescended to lately. It’s like a parent trying to pacify a child in mid tantrum, saying anything ( basically a whole lot of nothing) just to calm them down with no intention of keeping whatever crazy promise they made to get the damn crazy kid to shut the hell up in Target! What the fuck is there to understand? It’s been explained to death. Were you not paying attention? Are you deaf? BP is a bunch of fucking assholes who cut corners, they blew some shit up, killed 11 people (immediately), who knows the true extent of the collateral damage, there is oil rushing into the Gulf and strangling all of the creatures of the ocean, people’s livelihoods are being ruined, and the planet is generally being destroyed…oh yeah and YOU are sitting on your ass watching it all happen!Understand? There, you don’t need any damn commission I just recapped. Give me the commission money, better yet..give it to the GULF and clean it the fuck up NOW !! HURRY UP!!! Now, go eat some more of that Gulf seafood that you were trying to get your constituents to eat. ABout that, what are you Jim Jones? Is Gulf Seafood the American people’s Kool aid? Jumpin Jehosephat, are you fucking retarded? No offense to any retarded people who may be reading this!
    So, I am once again bestowing my special edition Doc Marten wearing roundhouse kick to your throat, face ,and testicles to the ONLY fucking idiot who can not figure this shit out! Dude, I was your biggest fan and now I have to hang my head in shame. I am ridiculed by all those who love me because of my poor choices at election time. I was so proud, so boastful and now shame! Thanks a LOT!!!! I can feel it, they are coming to revoke my Political scientist credentials because of this faux pas.Shit man, we put our faith in you and you have abandoned us. Yes we can….The question is , CAN YOU?

    Now, back to our regularly scheduled programming! Happy Mothering!

  • Throat Punch Thursday; Slippery when wet edition

    Well, I think we all know who deserves this weeks throat punch roundhouse kick to the head! Any takers? How about the asshole who has been letting the oil spill into the Gulf of Mexico for the past 50 days? You know the douche bag son of a so and so who is responsible for all the dead sea creatures, the sick workers trying to clean it up ( yeah, cause who would have thought that playing in oil for 50 days could be hazardous to our health?). Yeah, that’s right..you know who I’m talking about…Tony Hayward Barack Obama really who the hell can keep track any more! I mean I completely think Tony Hayward, the man who has been saying for 51 days that he’s going to get it cleaned up, is responsible for the clean up. His company made the mess, accidental or not; get your asses in their and clean it up! But then you take into consideration the fact, and its been argued according to law, that the US government should step in at some point and help with clean up efforts. It’s not a pissing contest boys…clean up the mess; animals are dying, people’s livelihoods destroyed, our planet maimed and battered beyond recognition and soon beyond repair! So, maybe I should just say that the special edition Roundhouse kick to the head with my doc martens on should be shared by Tony Hayward, all his board members at BP, and our government for being nothing if not lax super efffing lazy in their reaction to the whole situation. Seriously, how much more of this needs to happen before stopping the gush becomes a priority?

    Do we need to have a picture of a dead human wash up on the beach before anyone takes this seriously? With all the technology there is today, surely we can stop this thing from gushing; cap it, tap it, plug it, hell, put a giant tampon in it, take Costner up on his offer, whatever…but make an effort! Try , try again boys! There is a price for everything, and I think no one’s wanted to pay the literal price. Who wants to spend all that money if they don’t have to, right? I mean especially considering how badly their stock took a dump today. I mean come on…BP has lost so much money. Do you really think they should be punished and have to pay out millions maybe billions to stop the spill? HELL YEAH!!! Boo Friggin who…put some dirt on it. You’ll be alright! So, come here Hayward…Mama’s gotta surprise for you..POW! Right to the head! You too, the rest of you assholes that have been turning a blind eye! Did you feel that? No? Come here..I’ll be generous tonight. Hell, I’ll keep kicking til I kick some sense right into that big head of yours!

    P.S. I have not nor do I plan on purchasing gas from these idiots. I am not financing their vacations while they destroy my world! So, I am instigating my very own peaceful protest!!! NO MORE BP…..until they clean up the SEA!!!!!! Spread the word!

    Disclaimer: I couldn’t find that many photos apparently BP has put a gag order on the press and no one is allowed to take pictures of the animals washing up on the shore..something about their reputation.Right., because that’s still in tact.

  • Mommy Porn~Bow Chika Bow Wow

    Mommy Porn ~ Get your mind out of the gutters, Ladies. I was just thinking today about how much my life has changed since having my girls. I was a very semi  more private person before I had my girls. Well, maybe not private ( that’s a very loose interpretation) but there were absolutely things that were only between myself and God. You know like pooping, waxing, changing a tampon, masturbating ( Yeah, when was the last time I had the time or energy for that?  The only rabbit getting any action in this house is Jack..my daughter’s lovey. My rabbit, well,that poor bastard has been buried under an inch of dust for about the last..I don’t know, 5 years!)

    Mommy Porn is a thing of My Past

    Anyways, that got the wheels turning and I began to realize that when I say I have not a single minute of privacy a day..I am not exaggerating in the least. Every day is like a surprise party. You know…trying to wipe your ass…SURPRISE!! Or trying to wax your lip with a little dignity…SURPRISE, we see you! Try to shave your legs…SURPRISE! Oops, Mommy..why you leg bleeding? Umm, because Mommy just shaved half her ankle off when you “Surprised” her. Yes, its not for the weak. I remember, naive fool that I was, I was so ’embarrassed’ that my ass was hanging out of my night gown when I was in labor with my first. It about drove me nuts ( until transition labor that was) thinking  of all these strangers seeing my big ass hanging out. Yeah, who knew that was the beginning of the end for me. Now, nothing is private. Hell, if my ass hanging out for a few hours was my greatest imposition..life would be sweet. I feel like one of those online video chat hookers/ porn stars without all the sexiness or money. Nope, its just me..doing all my most intimate things with an audience of the 3 and 5 year old version and the pay’s pretty shitty. Well, I do have a full account of hugs and cuddles but on the flip side, I’m missing half my ankle.

    Mommy Porn Today

    Mommy Porn used to be some hot steamy man doing God knows what to some poor unsuspecting damsel in distress. Rocking her world and punishing her all at the same time, with really bad acting and cheesy music…that was mandatory. Usually, something my husband chose that took place on the high seas. Maybe a pirate or two…argh! It started with a massage in front of the fireplace and ended with my new perma-audience. No thank you sir, I will pass on that porn!
    If you ask me today, my qualifications for good porn..my “Mommy porn” if you will; I want a hot man with a cut up chest and tight ass,working up a heavy sweat….cleaning my house….in silence!Oh life, you have come full circle! BOW CHIKA BOW WOW!!!

    mommy porn

    My Preferable Mommy Porn

    Disclaimer: No man was hurt in this photo and no rabbit has been used in the presence of my children. Just in case, you were confused and thinking I was some sort of warped brain defect. I am not. Enjoy your Mommy porn.

  • Immigration Laws that Allow us to Shoot Kids on Sight

    I’ve been biting my tongue on this whole border/immigration issue but this…this is too much.

    I am saddened and embarrassed by what has become of our borders and immigration laws. What happened to
    “Give me your tired, your poor,
    Your huddled masses yearning to breathe free,
    The wretched refuse of your teeming shore.
    Send these, the homeless, tempest-tost to me.
    I lift my lamp beside the golden door.” ? 
    Was it all a bunch of bullshit? Was there a statute of limitations on how long that rang true?

    https://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/32545640

    For the full story please read here

    Well,I’ve seen this story in print and on video and any way you slice it, it makes me sick.  First, of all, depending on the source this kid was either 14 or 15, he was small, and he was with a group of other individuals who may or may not have been smugglers or smuglees. The agent may or may not have been male or female. I  guess its all a matter of who is telling it and how they want to spin it.

    From gathering the evidence, I’d say it was a kid who was being an asshole with his friends. They started throwing rocks ( not wielding rifles or machetes) at border patrol, very infantile and stupid, but not a crime punishable by death. I love how the video says that the agent was surrounded and then mentions that many border patrol have sustained head wounds from the rock throwing that goes on at the border. How ironic, she could have been hit in the head by a rock but instead he got a bullet through his brain.

    I am NOT condoning these kids behavior and I suspect that FBI Special Agent Andrea Simmons was scared with rapid fire rocks being hurled at her head while trying to contain a suspect. Who wouldn’t be? I, myself, would have been scared shitless. But if the border wasn’t in such a shitty way these days, things wouldn’t have escalated and this agent wouldn’t have been so mentally on high alert. The whole immigration situation is ridiculous. Who in the hell thinks its punishable by death to try and find a better way of life for yourself and your family?

    I understand the whole, do it legally argument. I agree, but sometimes desperate times call for desperate measures. If your children are starving in a third world country you do what you have to to get them out of that situation. This country was founded as a refuge for immigrants;  a safe haven for those in search of a better life. Now, we decide to change the rules?

    Now, we decide its OK to shoot some Mother’s child simply for trying to gain entrance? I don’t understand how we can live in  a time in history when it is alright to shoot immigrants HUMAN BEINGS for minor infractions of the law and to kill all the animals in the ocean with an unstoppable oil spill. Who’s running this circus? Are you really telling me with all that we can do and all the technology we have, we can not get along,respect our fellow man, or our planet? I think we all need to take a step back and examine just what kind of people we want to be? What kind of world do we want to be a part of? What legacy do we want to leave on the history books for our children?

    Should breaking the immigration laws be punishable by death?

  • Does this workout make me look fat?

    I know we’ve visited this topic before but it seems that it bears repeating. I am uber sensitive to the fact that I do NOT want my girls to have body issues. I have grown up with them and I know how mind effing they can be, especially on a teenage girl. Before I ever had kids I promised myself that I would not be asking the ” Do these pants make my ass look big?” or ” Does this shirt make me look fat?” in front of my children. You know, monkey see, monkey do syndrome and eventually that would parlay into something more. I have also made an effort to workout and eat healthy, mostly. I want to be a good example. Apparently, my example has led to this. Me:” Hey, Mama’s gotta work out. You want to work out with me?”
    My 5 year old,” Nah, I don’t need to….I’m already straight!” ( I know you are wondering what the hell that is supposed to mean..just click on the link and all will be explained).
    Me: “Yes, Bella you are “straight” (her term not mine) but its a good habit to exercise so that you can stay healthy!”
    Bella: ” Nah, I don’t want to. Can I have some ice cream?”
    WTF??? OK, I am a little alarmed because though it is nothing now. This could very easily and quickly turn into laziness and create a bad habit of not exercising and poor eating habits. So, In the spirit of being a good Mommy and not wanting to let things get out of hand. I shared this video with my dear  sweet girl. I know, its probably not a typical thing to do but for my girl…it was necessary to drive the point home.
    [fusion_builder_container hundred_percent=”yes” overflow=”visible”][fusion_builder_row][fusion_builder_column type=”1_1″ background_position=”left top” background_color=”” border_size=”” border_color=”” border_style=”solid” spacing=”yes” background_image=”” background_repeat=”no-repeat” padding=”” margin_top=”0px” margin_bottom=”0px” class=”” id=”” animation_type=”” animation_speed=”0.3″ animation_direction=”left” hide_on_mobile=”no” center_content=”no” min_height=”none”][youtube=https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XlglHUVguOE]
     After viewing this, Bella looked at me , with big saucer eyes, ” Umm, yeah..Mommy, let’s go workout now! She got so lumpy, she had to work out a lot more!”

    Ah, my daughter, there is no way she is going to let herself get lumpy and have to do all that extra work to get it off when she could simply play outside and get some exercise to maintain. Nothing quite as inspiring as laziness. Wow! I wish I could have figured that out when I was younger. It sure would have been easier to maintain than to try and lose. Balls! One more lesson I learned from my girls.[/fusion_builder_column][/fusion_builder_row][/fusion_builder_container]

  • Throat Punch Thursday; THis time its personal

    Look closely at the picture, recognize anybody? Yeah, that would be me ( not really) but figuratively I belong right in front of that dang kangaroo’s right hook or maybe he’s trying to choke me out. I’m not sure but after this week, either way….I deserve it!
    Yes, I am awarding, none other than, myself the coveted award.Sorry Ladies, you can’t have it this week.  Why, you ask yourself. Well, it has something to do with the fact that its 10 pm and my girls are still up ( bad parenting 101) and a lot more to do with this….

    Yes, Ladies, to my disgust and shame that is my garage. Fool that I am , I thought it would be a good idea to participate in the neighborhood garage sale ( you know in the spirit of cleansing and moving forward and not backward..blahblahblah..my new mantra). What an idiot I was. Did I mention I just took the picture and the sale is in the morning at around 8 am. This neighborhood sale is no joke..strictly for professionals. I am totally an amateur at this, to say the least. While in my garage pricing merchandise, I had buyers casing my garage as they walked their dogs through our neighborhood ( yeah, they don’t live here). So, that means tomorrow there will be people ready to buy at about 7:55 am and this is the state my garage is in. Nothing is on tables, nothing is hung, I’m stressing out, the kids are running wild.Again, did I mention its almost 11 pm and they are still stirring. I’d better check, don’t want to be like the winner of last weeks Worst Mom Ever award . Nope the girls are still in their my bed. ( yeah, that’s an entirely different post for another night). Oh well, I will get it together in the morning . I do my best work under stress, its a fact! So, this week I am giving myself a nice long punch directly to the throat, with any luck it will render me unconscious and I will get to bed at a reasonable time and be functional at 6 am when I need have to be up to prep the joint for the  lovely vultures customers. Here’s hoping I can raise the money to buy the girls one of those giant inflatable water slide thingys…I’ve heard those suckers really tucker the kids out. So, you see, it would really be a gift for Mama!That is if Grandma doesn’t take them and buy out all the neighbors junk, leaving me no room to house the giant water slide. Grandma likes to replenish me for next years sale. Happy Mothering!

  • You are what you think you are!

    I have found this to be very true in my life; if you change your attitude,and change your perspective you will in effect change your life and your circumstances.We are only as miserable as we allow ourselves to be. If we decide to count our blessings rather than our problems, we will be much happier ( and have loads more free time!). Its easy to get down on ourselves and think,” Poor me! Look what life has done to me! I have nothing I want and everything is against me!” Yes, that is easy. We’ve all been there and we are all entitled to visit that place once in awhile. Pity parties are a right of passage. The problem is when we decide to dwell in miserable town; to stake a claim and make a life. Whats not easy is to say, “EFF you  circumstances..you are NOT bringing me down! I am a fighter and I am about to kick your miserable ass! I will be happy, even if it kills one of us!” That’s what I want to teach my girls.
    I’ve noticed lately that my girls are spending  wasting an inordinate amount of time wanting things because others have them. I don’t mind if you want something for the sheer pleasure or id desire to have it, but I will not tolerate children who want things only because others have them. Lately, they want the same thing everyone else has but…bigger, brighter, newer.  I don’t know where they have learned this. I am not materialistic. Wait! I love nice things, but the most important things to me are people and relationships, health and happiness. Things are just that…things. I grew up poor, things do not define me. Who I am, what I believe/stand for, what I make of myself, how I treat others..that’s how I measure my success. Not by the things that I own. But I see/hear my little girls getting upset because they are measuring themselves against what others have..material possessions. We had a big blow out over a friggin soccer goal. Oh yeah, you heard me correctly. My daughters have loads of toys, a swing set, a pool to splash in, every thing a kid could want..even a soccer goal. Apparently, theirs is not as large as the neighbors and so they demanded that I must buy them a larger one. WTF? I sat them both down (because I think you are never too young to learn this lesson) and told them to be grateful for those things they do have….their health, their parents, all the love in the world, a home, food to eat, a bed to sleep in, friends, and more toys then most children know what to do with. I explained that they already have a goal and the neighbor may have a bigger soccer goal ( that her parents probably found at a garage sale..lucky smart people) but they have so much more and should be happy for her that she has that nice big goal. I am trying to teach them to be happy for others successes, to measure themselves only against themselves , and to share and be generous. A life of coveting others things only leaves a person with an unsatisfied taste in their mouth. Be happy with what you have, be happy for others peoples successes and work hard to enjoy your own successes. Remember an uncelebrated success is a failure.You are what you think you are, so be happy!

  • Throat Punch Thursday: Mean Girl Edition

    Well, there is an abundance of candidates this week for Throat punch Thursday, as you can see from my previous CNN streaming posts. Apparently, the world is coming to an end with all these maniacs on the loose. I really was a tortured soul trying to decide who was the biggest douche bag this week and deserved the coveted and well deserved throat punch. You know the Lopez family who brutalized that little 5 month old? Well, they were the forerunner. I really thought they had it in the bag. Then ,something more personal came along.You see, in the right hand column of my blog I post the blogs that I personally love. These are not just blogs that follow me or that giveaway the best prizes, no these gals are my support system. They are who I turn to when I need understanding, a good laugh, wit, but mostly sisterhood. Other Mommies who I can relate to and are pretty damn good writers as well. That’s why I feature them in that column under the header “BLOGS I LOVE”. They exemplify sisterhood and what Motherhood is really about… being able to laugh at yourself and enjoying the journey, all the while letting other Mommies know they are not alone in this craziness and that its ok to be human. We all write our blogs for different reasons; for some its just to chronicle their childrens lives, some its  a business opportunity a way to feel useful and contribute to the family finances, for some its catharsis, some its for sisterhood, for some its to expand their writing horizons and for others its for all of thee above. No matter the reason, they are sharing their lives. WE share our successes and our stumbles so that others may know that they are not alone and being imperfect is all a part of being a good parent. We offer the most precious thing we have to offer, we give ourselves. It’s humbling and freeing. When the feedback is good, we feel amazing and when it is bad,we take it personally. No grudges, normally, but it still stings the soul just a bit. There are ways to do things without being an asshole. You know what I mean. A backhanded compliment is always better than a “YOU SUCK!” It’s rude, even if you’re not trying to be. My point being the winner of the Throat Punch goes to the reader who commented on a fellow bloggers site and told her “Not to be Rude” ( that’s never good) then the comment went on to state  that the blog isn’t up to the standard it used to be and this person is concerned that she is going to lose followers.Wow! When did we get the blog police? Or maybe she is just a concerned citizen making a citizens blog arrest. If the lady really cared maybe she should have asked.”Are you OK? From your blog, I know you’ve been sick and so has your child. Feel better!” But to kick someone when they are so obviously already not feeling well, that’s big time douchery in my book! To make it even worse, the commenter doesn’t even have her own blog. So, she has no idea what it takes to maintain a blog. She probably isn’t even a Mom, explaining why she has no tolerance for a busy Mommy with a sick baby! I know that when we open our lives up to people in our blogs we are inviting them in. It’s like”Hey come on in, have a seat , lets drink some coffee ( or wine) and have a chat!” It’s pretty rude, when they come in and throw the coffee in your face, flip the table and say “What a dirty house! Can’t you get up off your lazy ass and clean once in awhile!” Not to be rude, but I’m just saying! So, this weeks Throat Punch goes to the anonymous reader who left the shitty comment for the sick Mommy blogger( the operative world being Mommy. I mean how much do we have on our plates just raising our little pieces of perfection. Do we really need to be insulted that we are dropping the ball elsewhere?)! Shame on you! Now, come over here so I can punch you in the throat!