This day has been trying and over wrought with activities; big booming activities… kindergarten roundup, which meant waking my girls up from their sleep ( my rule on children and sleep is let them sleep until they wake)so waking them from their slumber bodes well for no one in the house, least of all me. After the emotional roller coaster that was Kindergarten roundup, we had lunch, a well intentioned but never coming to full fruition nap..uh oh! Oh yeah, uh oh is right! Then ballet class observation day. Tired ballerina is performing but somewhere in space not quite down on earth with the rest of us. But ,my God, is she ever adorable doing it! Her sister, completely berserk from her own self inflicted sleep deprivation is twirling around on the floor like a whirling dervish ( did I mention she is NOT in the class, but a mere bystander). I am trying to man the camcorder and the digital camera because my assistant is off on his gig in Iowa. So, there I am, in the throes of hell because of the chaos..I for one do not thrive in chaos. We make it through. Arrive at home, dinner time of course everything I am cooking my tired 2 year old says “No..MOMMEEEEEEEE. Me NO WANT!”but in the most long, drawn out, whiny voice ever heard by human ears. AND this , my friends, was the second third time this show took place today; once for every meal! At least she’s consistent. It was one of those I say black she said white days. She just didn’t want to do anything I asked her to do. I never really adhered to the whole terrible 2 thing, but this day just may have convinced me that they do ,in fact, exist! After much bargaining, on my part, when all it really needed was her big sister to say, “Boy I sure want to eat what Mommy’s making for dinner” she finally ate. Of course, that would have been way too easy.We make it through dinner (barely), I am biding my time until bedtime. If I can just make it through the next 2 hours, this miserable day will be almost to a close..Bedtime!Sweet, sweet bedtime! But first, there had to be outdoor play time on the jungle gym and SKYPE with Daddy.SKYPE with Daddy I understand, an absolute must but the swing set..really! After much threatening to call the cops and threatening that I would leave her with our elderly neighbor as a babysitter ( he’s really old, and really nice but granted he is a little creepy even to me..so I can’t imagine what he looks like through the eyes of a 2 year old..perhaps the crypt keeper? I know, I am awful!I’ll probably burn in hell for that alone.) if she did not put on her damn new crocs to go outside to play, it finally worked. I was frazzled, about to lose it. Again we made it through. Ok, the end was in sight. “Come on girls, lets go in wash up, get on our jams and SKYPE Daddy!”
“Me no want to, Me want to play outside with Bella!!!!!!!!”20 minutes later…we are inside, not finding any pajamas that my 2 year old deems acceptable. Then they are both in jams, its almost over. We finally SKYPE Daddy, the girls are out of control tired..more interested in jumping on my bed and seeing if they can cut their heads off in the ceiling fan than actually conversing with their Daddy.Everyone says goodnight. I end SKYPE, do the happy dance, put the oldest in bed and head off to get the youngest to sleep. Just as my 2 year old is finally drifting off, my 5 year old decides to have a full on meltdown. “I miss my Daddy!!! I want my Daddy!!!!” Crocodile tears the likes of which I have not seen …EVER. I send a picture to my husband on his cell phone. Come on, why should I have all the fun? I only wish that I had audio to accompany the photo for him to fully enjoy the experience!This, of course, woke the extremely over tired 2 year old up. Upon which, I promptly had to dig through photos in order to find them both photos of themselves with Daddy…to sleep with!My girls, or should I say Mommies little Drama Queens! All kidding aside, I understand her reaction..I kinda felt this way myself today. I officially do not like Mondays!
Anyways, I was one of those poor unfortunates who, try as they may, the boobies just didn’t function properly. They have always been big and beautiful (thanks Mom) but apparently pretty useless when I actually needed them. So, it was SNS (supplemental nursing system) from the get go. Oh, what? You are not familiar with this term? Lucky you! It is a wonderful medieval contraption that you hang from your neck, it holds formula in a container..that is exerted from a small tube that is taped to your nipple ( hoping to supplement what your poor under functioning, handicapped boobies can’t produce) and if you are super lucky (as I was) you can add to the mix a nipple guard!Sweet! Lovely, right? P.S. The nipple guard is not a little guy in a fuzzy hat who guards the nipple, its a pliable plastic covering to help draw the nipple out. My poor little boobies, they had such a complex; they figured they couldn’t come to play , so they were trying to hide on the bench. I have a friend of mine, who never even attempted to breast feed (because according to her, “those” were for fun not function) and here I am bargaining with the devil and praying to Jesus to let me produce enough milk to feed my starving child and , it just never came to fruition. I gave it the old college try, I took the fenugreek, the mothers milk tea, I tried everything possible to stimulate breast milk production but I could never fly solo, I always had to use that damn SNS! So, both girls got breastfed for about 6 weeks. I’m sorry, who was I fooling. The embarrassment and sheer horror of that SNS (it still gives me nightmares to think about harnessing myself into that thing) and only producing maybe 1/2 to 1 ounce when my kid was eating 4 -6 oz, was too much. So, I never had to decide whether or not to breastfeed in public (because anyone who knows me, knows that I am such a hypochondriac when it comes to my babies that they don’t go out into the general public until after 6 weeks). So, I am not trying to be judgy. When I see a Mommy feeding her baby, first I feel “awww” ,then that is followed by a little uncomfortableness, then ” what a tender , sweet Mommy/baby moment”. Generally, I think it is beautiful. Personally, I never did it outside the house but that was just my situation ( because the time of breastfeeding coincided with the 6 week waiting period of taking my newborns out into general population ….cause I am a lil crazy like that). Anyways, today I take my 2 and 5 year old to toddler story time @ the local library. We are sitting there and I notice a couple of the Mommies have some newborns (awwww, moment) . Mommy A ‘s 3 month old girl is getting that fussy, hungry cry going. Mommy promptly pulls out what looks like an apron and there goes the baby, under the apron, suckling to her hearts desire as Mommy watches on as her 4 year old little boy participates in story time. Way to go Mommy, she was on the ball. Directly next to her, I notice a little girl around the age of 4 assuming the position in her Mommy’s lap. What? I think, a little regression perhaps. You know seeing the baby next to her go under the apron. She’s no fool , she knew what was going on under there. Then the 4 year old sticks her hand in her Mom’s(Mommy B) shirt and is fondling her. I am like, WTH is going to happen here? It felt like I was witnessing snuff. Then, this woman, whipped it out and this little girl took a hit..like a shot of whiskey from a shot glass.WTF??? Seriously, I swear I am not against breastfeeding. In fact, I am a little envious of those Mommies with aprons..that means,God bless em, their parts are functioning correctly. But there has always been something creepy to me about a child old enough to be drinking out of a regular cup (past the sippy cup age), who can say “Give me a hit off the old teet mom!” Or anyone old enough to spell boobies, draw boobies, or talk about the experience still actually feeding off the breast. I don’t think a kid who can unbutton your shirt and wipe their own ass should still be breastfeeding. I mean, unless there is some weird disease and that is the only thing the kid can eat to survive…then I think its a little creepy and a little sad. Then ,in my head, I kept thinking if one of my girls ( who are watching this whole thing go down and my 2 year old was watching very interested like) comes over to me and tries to see what all the fuss is about, we’d have serious problems. How do I explain, ” I know honey, you know how you like chicken nuggets and lemonade? Well, that little girl still likes boobie milk!”So, my question to you is..am I wrong to be creeped out by this? Am I just out of the loop because of my own shortcomings? Would I feel differently if I had the ability to sufficiently breastfeed my own kids? I don’t think so but then again , I guess we’ll never know. All I know is I left the library today feeling just a little bit violated and dirty. I wasn’t staring , and didn’t see any actual boobies..but the kid was wiping her mouth and sporting an “ahhh” ( you know that sound you make when you’ve been running and you take a long cold swig of ice water? Yeah, that’s the sound.) I’m now sufficiently terrified to go to story time again; I may be off the library entirely.
I say ROCK ON!!!