The TRUTH About Motherhood

Category: Girl Mom

Love Your Body the Way Your Mother Loved Your Baby Feet
Love your body is the message that we must teach our daughters.
Love your body like your mother loved your baby feet. I had something else planned to write about today but then I listened to one of my favorite songs by Mary Lambert, Body Love. It spoke to me and, if you are a woman, it will probably speak to you too. If you are a man, it can give you some insight into a woman’s mind, especially one who finds herself to be perpetually imperfect. Like so many of us do. I want to teach my girls to love themselves as much as I loved their baby feet and that they are worth more than the size of their ass or what lies between their legs or what they look like or a number on a scale. You.Are.Beautiful!
i know girls who are trying to fit into the social norm
like squeezing into last year’s prom dress
i know girls who are low rise, mac eyeshadow, and binge drinking
i know girls that wonder if they’re a disaster and sexy enough to fit in
i know girls who are fleeing bombs from the mosques of their skin,
playing russian roulette with death
it’s never easy to accept that our bodies are fallible and flawed
but when do we draw the line?
when the knife hits the skin?
isn’t it the same thing as purging
because we’re so obsessed with death?
some women just have more guts than others
the funny thing is women like us don’t shoot
we swallow pills, still wanting to be beautiful at the morgue
still proceeding to put on make-up
still hoping that the mortician finds us fuckable and attractive
we might as well be buried with our shoes and handbags and scarves,
girls
we flirt with death every time we etch a new tally mark into our skin
i know how to split my wrists like a battlefield too,
but the time has come for us to reclaim our bodies

our bodies deserve more than to be war-torn and collateral
offering this fuckdom as a pathetic means to say,
“i only know how to exist when i’m wanted!”
girls like us are hardly ever wanted, you know?
we’re used up and we’re sad
and drunk and perpetually waiting by the phone
for someone to pick up and tell us that we did good
well, you did good
i know i am because i said i am
i know i am because i said i am
i know i am because i said i am
my body is home
my body is home
i know i am because i said i am
i know i am because i said i am
i know i am because i said i am
so try this:
take your hands over your bumpy lovebody naked
and remember the first time you touched someone
with the sole purpose of learning all of them,
touched them because the light was pretty on them
and the dust in the sunlight danced the way your heart did

touch yourself with a purpose
your body is the most beautiful royal
fathers and uncles are not claiming your knife anymore
are not your razor, no,
put the sharpness back
lay your hands flat and feel the surface of scarred skin
i once touched a tree with charred limbs
the stump was still breathing but the tops were just ashy remains
i wonder what it’s like to come back from that
because sometimes i feel forest fires erupting from my wrists
and the smoke signals sent out are the most beautiful things i’ve ever seen

love your body the way your mother loved your baby feet
and brother arm-wrapping shoulders, and remember, this is important:
you are worth more than who you fuck
you are worth more than a waistline
you are worth more than beer bottles displayed like drunken artifacts
you are worth more than any naked body could proclaim in the shadows
more than a man’s whim
or your father’s mistake
you are no less valuable as a size 16 than a size 4
you are no less valuable as a 32a than a 36c
your sexiness is defined by concentric circles within your wood,
it is wisdom
you are a goddamn tree stump with leaves sprouting out,
reborn
I am not here yet. But I want to be.
Do you love your body?
2014/02/04
When We’re Dead, We’ll All be Skinny
As the mother of two little girls living in a world that judges a woman’s value on her beauty and how skinny she is, I have spent their lifetime teaching them that they are better than good enough. As a product of that world myself, I have spent my lifetime just trying to feel comfortable in my own skin. We live in a world where people would rather be skinny than happy and where grown women measure their success by their thigh gaps and bikini bridges. Our daughters see this. They are affected.
The fact of the matter is that we live in a world where media treats women like they are objects of beauty; to be seen and not heard. This weighs heavily on a young girl and every thought and action becomes a deliberate choice with ripples that will resonate throughout her entire life. To be seen is to be vulnerable but to be unattractive is to be invisible, which feels almost as bad.
Like many women, I’ve spent years trying to be seen and simultaneously unseen. Passing through space and time from a beautiful child, thru the uncertainty of the teen years and then being thrust at warp speed into the sexual irresistibility of womanhood only to find ourselves sliding into middle age before fading into old age and ultimately death. Why do we allow ourselves to be defined by other people’s perception of who we are?
Little girls come into this world full of hope and beauty and as we age, our beauty fades. It’s no coincidence that so does our hope. We learn pretty early on that the more attractive we are, the more wonderful place the world is for us to be in. By the time the awkwardness of puberty and the teen years hit, our confidence has been shaken and by the time we go to college, most of us will do just about anything to live up to that expectation of beauty.
I know this from firsthand experience. Body dysmorphic disorder had me in its cold dead grip by the time I was 12 and by the time I was 17, I was restricting my food. By 18, I was in college and terrified of what the freshman 15 would mean to my appearance, I was severely restricting my calories, working out for at least 2 hours a day and throwing up every single thing that entered into my body; even water. It was the only way that I felt I had any control over what was happening to me. I will spend the rest of my life in recovery from this. I still occasionally find myself bent over a toilet deciding whether or not to take that next step.
To this day, every taste of food or sip of liquid that enters my mouth is noted. Many days when I look in the mirror, I am frozen in shame at my reflection. Self-loathing has become such a part of who I am that when I look in the mirror and actually like what I see, it surprises me. I am not surprised about this because just over the weekend I saw things that made me understand that I did not do this to myself. I am a product of a society that values men on their strength and intelligence and women on their beauty.
My friend wrote about a throw pillow at Nordstrom that reads,
“To hell with beauty sleep, I want skinny sleep.”
What a shallow and callous statement for Nordstrom to make to the world about women. I am sure that the buyer at Nordstrom thought the pillow was funny but it’s not. It’s a symptom of the sickness of our society.
Another friend wrote this on her FB status: “… If I were to eat a freaking BOX of Twinkies I would have no choice but to divorce my husband and leave my children and go live on an island where I would befriend a community of wild gorillas and be alone and fat forever!”
This makes me so sad because aside from her feeling that if she were unattractive she’d be doomed to a life of unhappiness, this particular woman is absolutely gorgeous and it troubles me that she feels that her happiness in life is so closely attached to her beauty. It saddens me that any of us feel this way because try as we may to not share these feeling with our little girls we do. They see things and hear things when you think they are not paying attention. They see the disappointment in our faces when our jeans are a little snug or the self-loathing that comes after eating carbs. They know and it seeps in to their tiny little minds and soon, they are watching what they eat. Questioning if they should eat at all.
Then we have become part of that same society that has made us this way. We have become part of the problem. The only way we can change this is to learn to love and accept ourselves. Believe me, I know this is harder than it sounds. But for our little girls, we have to try to love ourselves. After all, we’ll all be skinny, when we’re dead.If you won’t do it for yourself, think about your daughters. I don’t want for my girls, what I have experienced. I want better. Don’t you?
If you think I am overreacting, think about how many times you have hung your happiness on how skinny or beautiful you looked.

Photo JustJasmine
2014/01/27
The Moment You Know You are Too Fat
What’s the moment when you know that you are too fat? The photo above is not actually me but it could definitely be my before and after photos..only I was thinner and now, I may be slightly fatter. Either way, I don’t like where I am at or where I am headed if I don’t do something this moment.
I felt my stomach on my lap! That’s when I knew. I didn’t want to admit it and I certainly didn’t want to write it for the entire internet to read but it’s true and being me, I can’t pick and choose where I’m transparent and where I’m not. It’s all transparency; all the time, even when it hurts like a damn open wound with salt in it. But it’s more than just feeling my belly in my lap it was the moment that I said no more. It was my line in the sand. I think anyone who has ever gained and lost weight knows exactly what I am talking about. That moment when you have to face the fact that you are, in fact, despite any tucking and pulling and pushing, overweight.
I’m ashamed. Ashamed that I let it get this out if control and those old feelings have been sneaking back into my head so I’ve decided to get help. I’m typing this from my first weight watchers meeting in 4 years. I’ve tried doing it alone online but that doesn’t work for me. I’ve tried everything but I need human contact. I need support from other women who know the shock and shame of their stomach resting in their lap. I can’t believe this is where I am. It’s yet another club that I wish I never knew anything about. Oh and I am taking the Big Guy along for the ride. This will only work if we do it together.
But here I am, sitting among the kind, understanding, compassionate faces of other women who’ve been here (the bottom) and it’s inspiring me. It takes a baby step followed by another, motivated by the sincere want and desire and dedication to changing your life. I am ready for me. I got up this morning and went to a meeting and faced the scale. It felt like someone punched my in my low lying, overindulgent belly.
Over the past year, I’ve learned (finally) to step back and ask myself why? To stop and pay attention, even when I don’t have a free moment. 2013 was wonderful in many ways. I grew up in a lot of ways. I am finally able to see myself more clearly without judgment or through fat goggles.I had a lot of firsts and I have begun to spread my wings and fly but this is the next step. No more stomach resting in my lap, no more flapping arms and saggy ass. But it’s not just about my belly, my belly is just a symptom of my procrastination and never putting myself first. I have to put myself to make myself feel and be better for me before I can be better for the girls or the Big Guy. I am ready to be happy. I deserve it. I’ve waited my entire life for this moment of clarity and motivation to meet. There will be no magic pills, no cheating or gimmicks, just a whole lot of hard work and follow through.
I’m not waiting for the New Year or tomorrow anymore because the beginning is always today! (Mary Shelley) THE BEGINNING IS ALWAYS TODAY…no matter what your challenge is in life….TODAY IS THE BEGINNING!
2013/12/30
Isn’t Your Daughter More than Just a Princess?
When I was a little girl, I was raised that little girls did “girl things” like play with baby dolls and Barbie dolls. Boys played with legos and lincoln logs. Girls were pretty and boys were dirty. Boys got to have all the fun while all I got to do was chores and play with toys that taught me how to be a “young lady“. Enter easy bake ovens, play houses, baby dolls who cried and needed their diapers changed. When I tried to climb trees or build forts, I was promptly told that those things were not very “ladylike.” It’s damn hard to climb trees in skirts. Don’t get me wrong; I loved doing all those things but maybe I would have liked to play with the Legos or built something with Lincoln logs? The point is this; I didn’t even know what an Engineer did until I was in college at Purdue University…dating an Engineer. So how could I have ever chosen to be an engineer when no one thought it was worth the bother to teach little girls to be anything more than princesses, mothers and maids until now. Enter GoldieBlox. The video below just made me fall more in love with this company. Debbie Sterling, a female engineer from Stanford University, was always bothered by how few women are in the engineering field. I know firsthand how true this. The numbers are definitely skewed in the engineering field. So, Debbie is did something about it. She started a toy company in 2012 called GoldieBlox to get little girls to love engineering as much as she does. The mission of GoldieBlox is to create fun toys that develop spatial skills and teach basic engineering principles. Girls like to read and boys like to build. Put spatial plus verbal together, story and construction and that’s how GoldieBlox was born. GoldieBlox is a book and a construction toy combined, starring Goldie the girl inventor and her motley crew of friends who go on adventures and solve problems by building simple machines. As girls read along they get to build what Goldie builds using their own tool kit. How awesome is that? No longer are we teaching our girls that they have to stand by looking pretty while fetching cold drinks for the man folks. Nope, we are teaching our girls that they can put on a pair of cute jeans and work-boots and go build it themselves. By designing construction toys from the female perspective, GoldieBlox will be more appealing to a broader audience of children and parents who previously considered engineering a job for boys. Engineers solve some of the biggest challenges our society faces. They are critical to the world economy, earn higher salaries and have greater job security. And they are 89% male. There’s more to girls than just pink and fluff. We can be anything we want to be in this world. I have not been this excited about a new toy for the holidays for my girls in a long time. This holiday season, the much-anticipated sequel, Goldie Blox and he Parade Float, Goldie’s friends Ruby and Katinka compete in a princess pageant with the hopes of riding in the town parade. When Katinka loses the crown, Goldie and Ruby team up to build her a parade float as well as other fun rolling, spinning, and whirling designs.
- A book series plus construction set introducing Ruby, Goldie’s best friend and princess-turned-engineer.
- Builds spatial skills, engineering principles, and confidence in problem-solving.
- Comes equipped with 9 design ideas, a DIY project, and unlimited building possibilities.
- Compatible with all other GoldieBlox toys.
This installment in the GoldieBlox series makes me happy because we are teaching our girls that they don’t just have to be beautiful waving from the float in the parade, they can build the float! I love it and there are lots more awesome toys by GoldieBlox where that came from. GoldieBlox is changing the world for our girls and I love them for it. That’s why they are on this year’s holiday gift guide as a must have for every little girl on your holiday shopping list. Disclosure: I was provided GoldieBlox and the Parade Float for review purposes but all opinions are my own.
2013/11/18
American Girl Molly and Emily: The Best Friend’s Collection Every Little Girl’s Holiday Wish
I am doing my first ever Holiday Gift Guide and I couldn’t be more excited about the pieces that I am including this year on my list. These are some of my family’s favorite and most coveted items. I think your family will find them to be pretty amazing, as well.
Why not start with one of my girls’ favorite gifts of all time, American Girl Dolls!
Christmas is right around the corner and you know what that means? Time to find that just perfect gift for your child. Every year, I spend months racking my brain trying to find just the perfect gift for my girls. Last year, we broke down and bought the girls their first American Girl Dolls. They loved them.
We started by buying them the My American Girl Dolls because you can personalize them to look just like your child and we felt that they would have an instant connection with a doll that looked like them and they did.
Since last Christmas, they have been to the Chicago American Girl store and let’s just say, they found more than anyone would know what to do with. They each received a Historical doll for their birthday’s. The store is a little girls dream come true. Every American Girl doll available is there with costumes and accessories for any occasion, sport or interest and matching outfits for your daughter. So, we’ve decided that this Christmas is to get the girls a couple more American Girl historical dolls. They are both reading now so these dolls are perfect.
We’ve decided to go with the Molly and Emily Best friend collection. Molly McIntire is being retired this year so we thought we should get her before she is gone. Molly’s story takes place in 1944, during World War II. Many families were worried about loved ones who were overseas; Molly was waiting for her own father to return from his duties as a doctor in the army. With the help of Emily, her English friend, Molly learns to hold on to hope and pull together for the common good. Molly and Emily open up a whole world of play with authentic styles from 1944. I think it will be a great opportunity to teach my girls about history and World War II.
Some of the authentic 1944 features of the Emily and Molly Best Friend Collection are Molly’s outfit; a navy blue argyle sweater over a dickey and her matching navy blue skirt, red hair bows, white anklets and black Mary-Janes shoes. She has beautiful long brown braids and wears glasses.
Emily is dressed in a printed dress with cherry blossoms on it and tied with a red dotted sash. She is wearing knickers, cherry-red ankle socks and shiny T-strap shoes. Her hair is long, gingery-red hair held with a cherry-blossom headband.
In the Best Friends Collection, you get even a few more extra authentic 1944 pieces like Molly’s navy blue beret and monogrammed hankie she tucks into her shoulder bag. Molly also has a replica 1943 “steel” penny, used during the war when copper was in short supply. Molly also comes with a special heart locket to hold a picture of her Dad while he’s away at war. Emily comes with a cardigan sweater from her Aunt Primrose. She also comes with her grandfather’s World War I dog tags, which remind Emily to be a brave soldier for England. She comes with an English three-pence coin and her scrapbook showing pictures of her family and the English princesses, where she also stores her British ration book with a special message from her Mom. Both girls’ books Meet Molly and Brave Emily come with the collection and offer lessons about choices and friendship that are great lessons for girls today.
I can’t wait for Christmas morning to see my little girls’ faces, especially since Molly is getting retired this year. So, if you want to get her for your little American Girl, I suggest you do it STAT because it’s the last holiday to bring American Girl Molly home for the holidays! Molly is only available until December 31st or while supplies last.
What is at the top of your Holiday gift list?
Disclaimer: I was provided Molly and Emily for review purposes by American Girl Doll but all opinions are my own.
2013/11/01
The New Bitty Baby will Blow Your Littlest American Girl Away
This summer while I was at BlogHer, I had the pleasure of attending an event at the American Girl store in downtown Chicago and I saw the Bitty Baby doll. This Bitty Baby can be ordered to look just like your little girl when she was a bitty baby. Talk about a personalized baby doll.
I’d never been to American Girl at night and without a few hundred screaming little girls so it was completely different than any other time, I’d been there. As I sipped on champagne and shopped in quiet, I saw the American Girl Dolls and Bitty baby in a way I had never seen them before. It was magical to see them all on display and have the chance to appreciate their beauty and purpose; their stories.
The event concluded with a wonderful tea upstairs complete with loads of sweets and champagne, this was mommy heaven. Now, I get why the kids all go crazy the minute they enter the door. Then for the big finale, American Girl announced an expanded and enhanced Bitty Baby line to Create One-of-a-Kind Companions for the Littlest American Girls. Better still, they were gifting each attendee her very own Bitty Baby to order to look however she liked. I obviously ordered mine to look exactly like my girls did when they were born.
In case you are not familiar with Bitty Babies, they are designed for girls ages 3 and up. They look like a baby instead of the usual little girl American Girl Dolls. They are a sweet 15-inch soft-bodied doll available in 11 different combinations of skin tone, eye-, and hair-color, allowing your littlest girl to choose her very own baby doll that’s just like her. Each Bitty Baby doll comes dressed in her signature sleeper, along with a special “wishing star” keepsake toy and a beautifully illustrated Bitty Baby and Me hardcover picture book. The enhanced Bitty Baby also has several new outfits in various designs available for purchase.
Our Bitty Baby arrived about a week after I returned home. I didn’t tell the girls she was coming so when she arrived, they were shocked and pleasantly surprised.
My girls adore their Bitty Baby. I’ve caught my 6-year-old on more than one occasion singing to her baby. The new Bitty Babies also include a picture-book collection so you and your little girl can snuggle up close and read along as the little girl in the book and her Bitty Baby explore their world. What’s better than an excuse to snuggle in with your own precious Bitty Baby while learning lessons about generosity, confidence, curiosity and kindness? There is also a special section called “for parents” which focuses on social and emotional development of preschoolers and has tips to help your little girl become more confident, patient and independent.
The new line also offers story-themed play sets to encourage imaginative play and of course, matching outfits for your little girl and her Bitty Baby. Trust me, there is nothing more adorable than a little girl an her doll dressed alike. They also now offer a new line of premium plush animals and quality furniture, including a wooden crib and changing table.
This is the perfect gift for the little American Girl Doll fan in your life. This is sure to be at the top of every little girl’s Christmas list this year.
Who is your favorite American Girl Doll?

Disclaimer: I was gifted a Bitty Baby at the American Girl event that I attended but all opinions expressed are my own.

2013/10/10
Viva La France The French Government Bans Beauty Pageants
French Government bans beauty pageants. Looks like I might be moving to France! Don’t fret. I’m raising girls and trying to raise them to value themselves on more than just what they look like and the size of their asses so a move may be inevitable. The French Senate voted early Wednesday to ban beauty pageants for children under 16 years old and to impose up to two years in prison and steep fines of up to $30,000 euros for adults who try to enter children into such a contest or run illegal/underground pageants. You all know how I despise toddlers in tiaras. Well, I hate the misogyny it represents.
One pageant owner, Le Parmentier, has already said that if the law is passed, he might move his pageant to Belgium but close to the French border, to accommodate French contestants who want to compete without having to worry about legal consequences. Come on. We’ve all seen those crazy pageant moms on Toddlers and Tiara’s, there’s not much they won’t do to pit their child against someone else’s. It’s like dogfights with pretty little girls made up like clowns.
I’ve never been a fan of beauty pageants, especially for children. I understand competing as a teen for scholarships but there has to be more to it than just the way you look. Give me a nerd bowl any day. What are we trying to teach our little girls? There is nothing anyone can say to convince me that there is any reason ever to dress 4-year-olds up in spray tans, partial dental pieces, and more make-up than Tammy Faye Baker. They pluck their eyebrows and use breast inserts and then parade them around in $2500+ dresses and make them perform like dancing monkeys high on Mountain Dew and Pixie Stix all while their overweight moms yell at them because they themselves suck at life!
Honestly, if you give me the “it teaches them self-confidence” speech, I might have to smack you. How are you helping self-esteem by teaching them that they have to look a certain way, be held to a certain standard of beauty to even count? What I want to know is when is the U.S. going to follow suit? Way to keep women down.
The amendment is part of a broader bill on women’s rights, which will now proceed to the National Assembly, French Parliament’s lower house, for debate and another vote.
The senators who voted in favour of the measure argue that it will protect children from being prematurely “sexualised” through the use of heavy make-up and often-provocative attire.
The amendment was prompted by a a parliamentary report entitled “Against Hyper-Sexualisation: A New Fight For Equality”, which, in addition to calling for an end to the pageants, encouraged a ban on adult-style clothing for children, including padded bras and high-heeled shoes.
“Let us not make our girls believe from a very young age that their worth is based only on their appearance,” the author of the report, former sports minister and current senator Chantal Jouanno, said in an interview with free French daily “20 Minutes” last year.
Controversy surrounding the issue peaked in December 2010, when French Vogue published a photo spread featuring images of a 10-year-old French girl, Thylane Loubry Blondeau, decked out in a tight dress, jewellery, high heels and make-up. Not surprising the photos sparked international outrage. Not unlike the Jours après lune lingerie campaign for little girls. WTF?
The magazine argued that the photos were meant to capture a classic fantasy of young girls – to dress up like their mother. That only holds water if their mothers were seductresses or worked in the sex industry. Which reminds me, yesterday I caught an episode of Toddlers & Tiaras (purely for research) in which the parents financed their pageant addiction with the money they earned from their stripper-to-your-home business. Well, it was Vegas so I guess it is to be expected. Of course, I thought it was in very poor taste to have the strippers, half-naked, cheering from the audience. I guess the bright side is at least they weren’t completely naked.
If the bill is signed into law, as expected, pageants like the annual “Mini-Miss” contest in Paris will no longer take place. Now, if we can just get the same thing to happen here in the United States. Maybe we should make a law about parents not being allowed to live vicariously through their children? That should solve it all.
Needless to say the pageant Queens of the world and their crazy mothers won’t go down without a fight, expect lots of Tammy Faye Baker make-up, tulle and 14-foot trophies and hair to match coming at you in protest. Me, I hope beauty pageants go the way of the dinosaur. Extinct.
Moms, stop sexualizing your little girls and making it easy for the pedophiles. No toddler needs to be on stage wearing a skimpy two-piece bikini, pouting her lips and shaking her little ass. Stop encouraging her. Stop teaching her that to be of value she has to be beautiful and little kid beautiful is not good enough, she has to look like a grown woman. We wonder why teens are getting pregnant and having sex at younger ages, maybe it’s because they are being taught to be sexy when they are 2 by their own parents. Little girls are being taken, raped and murdered at an alarming rate, don’t give pedophiles an invitation to oogle your little girl. Protect your daughters.
If we don’t stop this toddlers and tiaras madness, this is the next stop.
What do you think of little girls in beauty pageants? Is it harmless fun or early sexualization of our little girls?
2013/09/19
The One Thing Every Woman Should Have
There are some things that just cannot be argued, like the beauty of a sunset, the love for your child and the importance of a best friend, even when you are all grown up. There some things in life that are absolute and though we may think that we become self-sufficient as adults because we are taking care of children, at our core, we still need those besties we had when we were children; that one person that you could be completely yourself with, tell all your secrets too and she’d love you and support you still, no matter what, even if you are dead wrong and full-on crazy. When we grow up and get married, our husbands fill that role to an extent but there is just something about a girlfriend that cannot be replaced.
This is why every adult woman should have a best friend. (more…)
2013/07/15
The Thigh Gap- Thinspiration for the Body Image Obsessed
This is where it starts: the coveted thigh gap. What the fuck is the thigh gap and how can I get one is what many teens are asking after seeing a recent segment on ABC that suggests that the thigh gap is the it status symbol this season for teen girls. I am here to tell you that the thigh gap is nothing new. Girls have been in pursuit of the thigh gap since the beginning of time. How do I know? Well, I was one of the chosen who had a thigh gap in my early 20’s. It was hard earned and I was proud of it. (more…)
2013/04/02
Love American Style
Today, puberty is hitting at age 7. 8 years olds are wearing cleavage producing bikinis. Padded bras are being made to fit 4 year olds. They are making heels to fit infants. What’s next, pole dancing lessons in utero? Any mommy worth her salt has to search high and low to find clothes that DON’T make her little girl look like a sex worker.It’s hard having little girls. Kids are growing bigger and taller, faster. Many are being born to older parents and the kids themselves are maturing faster than when we were young. I mean I remember still playing with barbies at 12 and NOT having any boobs.Now, girls are having sex by age 12. It’s freaking scary to think of how fast society tries to make our children become adults.
What’s the rush? Why are we pushing them towards adulthood? It’s like training your ass off to compete in an iron man only to find out that the prize is to perpetually compete in iron men. I try to insure that my little girls get to be little girls. I don’t dress them like miniature adults because they are not adults. I don’t let them watch adult movies or listen to inappropriate music. My rule is if I have to explain something that they shouldn’t know, then they are too young to be exposed to it.
I have friends who have had little girls ( ages 4-6) and I hear them say things like, “Yes, my daughter so and so has a boyfriend in her kindergarten class”. They giggle and they smirk and I stand there thinking to myself…ARE.YOU.FUCKING. MENTAL?? Seriously, do they realize how utterly ridiculous they even sound saying these words?I mean to they even realize what they are contributing to? It’s like they are non-verbally telling their little girls, Thank God a boy likes you.You are worth something. WTF is this? 1950’s…CHINA?
I try hard to not make my girls feel like their worth is wrapped up in their sexuality..because it is not.Plus, I’ve come from a mom who has spent our entire life telling my sisters and I , “I just wish you had a husband and some children so I wouldn’t have to worry about you anymore.”( This statement alone could earn a person a throat punch…..if she weren’t my Mother) I mean what does that even mean? Is there some sort of exchange going on?Are we incapable of actually taking care of ourselves ( in her mind)? Are we worthless if not validated by marriage and children?
So,this afternoon when we had a play date at the zoo with my 6 year olds best friend..a little boy, for the first time ever, I felt a little uncomfortable.I’ve never felt uncomfortable with their behavior before. This little boy really is her best friend. They run to each other every morning and hug one another and hold hands in line…just like she does with any of her little girl friends. It’s never bothered me before because, I know the kid.I know his family. There is nothing sexual or devious about it. It’s just two little kids being affectionate.But today, as we walked behind the two of them and they were walking side by side with the occasional hand holding punctuated by about 27 random hugs, it felt excessive. Then when his mom told him to stop “manhandling her so much” ( on about the 26th hug) this was his reply “Mom,She’s my friend. She likes it. I like it. Leave us alone!” I was thrust into the future about 10 years and WTF?
My question is what is too much? Where do you draw the line between differentiating between being affectionate and being sexualized? What’s appropriate? What’s not? Is it reasonable to expect our children to behave as children when society is trying to make them adults at every turn? What are your thoughts?
2011/04/12