Guess who’s Pregnant! ~ Lately, it seems, everyone that I know is pregnant. Everyone. It’s like it’s in the water. This, in turn, means that everyone and their mama is asking the Big Guy and I when we are going to have another baby. People, I know I was the absolute picture of pregnant. I know that I had that pregnant glow for what seemed like forever and I realize that the Big Guy and I make damn cute kids. Damn cute! It’s not being dramatic to say that they are quite possibly the cutest babies that I’ve ever seen, it’s stating a fact. So, I see why everyone keeps asking when we are getting pregnant again. I do. I really do. But that’s a personal question. It’s like asking a woman when she’s going to get her shark week next. Seriously, it is. It’s no bueno. Plus, it’s an uncomfortable question to be asked when out and about or at an unsuspecting family function ( a wedding, ahem) or a random dinner with friends (you know who you are).
Can You Believe who’s PREGNANT?
No one is safe from this kind of badgering. I mean it’s come from strangers, passersby to long time friends who I’ve actually had long drawn out conversations with about this very topic! The Big Guy has taken to saying ” Oh NO! We are done!” Somehow, this hits my ears and is transformed, Chinese telephone like, into “Hell NO! I am never going near that stretched out, herpes (*Disclaimer: NO I DON’T have the Herpes, this was said for effect) infested, black hole again! EVER! NEVER! I HATE BABIES!!!” ( of course, this is shouted ( in my head) for effect.) I, on the other hand, coyly answer with a sheepish smile, ” I don’t know. I think we may be done.” then I add a wink for posterity. Because, I love me some babies and let’s be honest, I don’t like other people making decisions for me about anything. Plus, really, it’s nobody’s business. But the Big Guy and I have went round and round about the answering part. I have actually been very offended by his response, even though I have no intention of having another baby at this point. I mean, I am seriously, 99.7 % sure that I don’t want another baby. I may be asking my sister’s to borrow theirs, or encouraging my brothers to have some but me? I think it may be time to close down the baby factory. Make things a little more fun and a little less function. Know what I mean? Still, people will ask.
Are you going to get pregnant soon?
Not if I have anything to do with it! But see, that’s not a nice answer and it could probably be offensive so I have thought up a list of alternative answers that the Big Guy can give as I don’t like the implications of the current answer.
- Yes, we are going to start trying to get pregnant… Just as soon as the Publisher’s Clearing House people ever show up with our check they promised.
- What? She is pregnant..with triplets! Can’t you tell?
- Yes, we are starting in 5 minutes, can you please leave. We’d like to at least copulate in private.
- We were going to get pregnant but then we found out that we are related and it would just be too risky to be my baby’s uncle daddy.
- Yes, she’s ovulating as we speak. In fact, I should go.You could be making us miss our only chance for having this baby.
- We plan to get pregnant as soon as the the older two can wipe their own asses.
- Yes, Santa is bringing us a pregnancy for Christmas.
- We were going to get pregnant but we decided instead that we’d like to sleep again in the next couple of years.
- We are going to get pregnant, the absolute second that I can carry the baby.We are looking into it.
- We will not be getting pregnant, we’ve decided that we don’t like children.
- Hell yeah, we’re getting pregnant. I can’t keep my hands off that hot biatch!
- Her uterus fell out when we had the last one, we can’t get pregnant again. We’re looking for a surrogate, is your wife available?
- Uhhmm yeah! We’re going to beat those damn Duggars!
- We were but then my wife remembered that it’s really painful to go through child birth and would rather have all of her fingernails pulled out and her eyelids cut off, since she won’t be sleeping ever again anyways.
- We are..as soon as there is no more racism, sexism or homophobia in the world.
- My wife just found out that she’s allergic to sperm, please back away from her with any sperm wielding appendages. (*credit to Casey @ MooshIndy)
What’s the best answer you’ve ever given a space invader when they’ve asked if and when you were going to get pregnant again? Please leave your suggestions on how the Big Guy and I should answer next time someone asks. Can’t wait to hear your creative suggestions. Do you think it’s okay to ask someone something so personal? Why? Why not?