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Deborah Cruz

A Creative Force Redefining Motherhood She's not your average mom blogger. With a razor-sharp wit, an unparalleled knack for storytelling, and a passion for authenticity, Deborah is single-handedly rewriting the narrative around modern motherhood. As the Founder and Chief Creative Officer of the award-winning Parenting, Lifestyle, and Travel website, The TRUTH about Motherhood, Deborah has carved out a unique space in the digital landscape. Far from the curated perfection of traditional "mommy blogs," her powerful, unapologetic voice has resonated with thousands of women seeking refuge from the pressure to be perfect. But Deborah is no one-trick pony. Behind the scenes, she's a digital marketing powerhouse, leveraging her expertise in SEO copywriting, brand storytelling, and content strategy to help businesses of all sizes elevate their online presence and forge genuine connections with their audience. With over 15 years of experience as a professional digital marketer, Deborah possesses a rare combination of creative flair and analytical prowess. She has honed her skills in authentic growth through engagement, seamlessly weaving together emotionally-driven narratives and data-backed insights to deliver exceptional results for her clients. Whether she's captivating readers with her relatable tales of the messy, beautiful journey of motherhood or crafting impactful digital campaigns for leading brands, Deborah's work is united by a common thread: an unwavering commitment to honesty, vulnerability, and the power of human connection. So, if you're looking to elevate your brand, expand your reach, or simply find solace in the raw, unfiltered reality of modern parenting, look no further than this trailblazing creative force. Deborah Cruz is redefining the status quo, one heartfelt story and game-changing strategy at a time.

Understanding The Five Love Languages to Improve Your Relationships
Marriage and Relationships

Understanding The Five Love Languages to Improve Your Relationships

by Deborah Cruz
written by Deborah Cruz

Estimated reading time: 4 minutes

Ah, love – the great mystery of the human heart. We’ve all been there, swept off our feet by that special someone who makes our heart flutter and our knees weak. But what happens when the honeymoon phase fades, and we realize that our partner’s way of expressing love is completely different from our own? Enter the five love languages – a framework that can help unravel the complexities of relationships and foster deeper connections with our partners. So, grab your favorite latte (or a glass of wine), and let’s dive into the fascinating world of understanding the five love languages.

What Are the Five Love Languages?

First things first, let’s break down the five love languages:

  1. Words of Affirmation: This love language involves verbal expressions of love and appreciation, such as compliments, words of encouragement, and affirmations of affection.
  2. Quality Time: For those who speak this love language, nothing says “I love you” like undivided attention and meaningful conversations. Spending quality time together, free from distractions, is essential.
  3. Acts of Service: Actions speak louder than words for individuals who value acts of service. Whether it’s cooking dinner, running errands, or helping with chores, these gestures demonstrate love and thoughtfulness.
  4. Physical Touch: Physical affection is the primary love language for those who crave touch. Hugs, kisses, hand-holding, and other forms of physical contact are essential for feeling loved and connected.
  5. Receiving Gifts: Thoughtful gifts, no matter how big or small, are the key to the heart for individuals who appreciate receiving gifts as expressions of love and thoughtfulness.

How Do You Identify Your Love Language?

Identifying your love language is like uncovering a hidden treasure – it requires self-reflection and honest communication with your partner. Pay attention to how you prefer to express love and how you feel most loved and appreciated in return. Do you light up when your partner gives you a compliment or a thoughtful gift? Or do you crave quality time together, free from distractions? By recognizing your preferences, you can gain insight into your love language.

How Do You Practice the Five Love Languages?

Once you’ve identified your love language, the next step is to put it into practice in your relationship. Here are some tips for expressing each love language:

  1. Words of Affirmation: Send your partner a heartfelt text message expressing your love and appreciation. Leave sticky notes with uplifting messages around the house. Compliment them on their strengths and accomplishments.
  2. Quality Time: Plan regular date nights where you can focus solely on each other. Put away your phones and other distractions and engage in meaningful conversations. Take walks together or enjoy a leisurely meal at a favorite restaurant.
  3. Acts of Service: Take on tasks or chores that your partner dislikes or finds challenging. Cook their favorite meal, run errands for them, or offer to help with household responsibilities without being asked.
  4. Physical Touch: Initiate cuddling sessions, hold hands while watching TV, or give your partner a lingering hug when they least expect it. Physical affection doesn’t always have to be sexual; simple gestures of touch can convey love and affection.
  5. Receiving Gifts: Surprise your partner with thoughtful gifts that reflect their interests and preferences. It’s not about the monetary value; it’s about the thought and effort you put into selecting something meaningful for them.

When Love Languages Clash: Navigating Differences in Relationships

While understanding and speaking the same love language can strengthen a relationship, what happens when two partners’ love languages don’t match up? Conflict can arise when one partner feels unloved or unappreciated because their needs aren’t being met in the way they desire. However, recognizing and respecting each other’s love languages can bridge the gap and foster understanding and compromise. It’s not all about you. The best way to love someone is the way they want to be loved.

Communication is key when navigating differences in love languages. It’s also the key to understanding the five love languages. The Big Guy and I have different love languages but we know that. We might not always understand why the other one wants to be loved the way they do but we love each other that is the meaningful to each other. Discussing your preferences openly and honestly with your partner can help bridge the gap and find common ground; this applies to all things in a relationship. Remember, relationships are all about compromise and finding ways to show love and appreciation that resonate with both partners.

The Language of Love

In the intricate dance of love, understanding and speaking each other’s love language can strengthen bonds and deepen connections in relationships. By recognizing and embracing the unique ways we express and receive love, we can cultivate fulfilling and harmonious partnerships that stand the test of time. So, whether your love language is words of affirmation, quality time, acts of service, physical touch, or receiving gifts, remember to speak it loudly and proudly in your relationship. After all, love is a language that knows no bounds – let’s keep the conversation going. ❤️

What’s your love language? What would you want your partner to know to better understand your love language?

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The Traveler's Code: Are you a Traveler or a Tourist? , travel, tourism
Travel

The Traveler’s Code: Are you a Traveler or a Tourist?

by Deborah Cruz
written by Deborah Cruz

TEstimated reading time: 4 minutes

Ah, the eternal conundrum of travel – are you a free-spirited traveler or an itinerary-tethered tourist? Me, I like to immerse myself in the sights, sounds, culture and people of where I am traveling. I am a traveler. For me, it’s more than just a matter of labels; it’s a mindset that shapes the very fabric of your journey. Let’s embark on a quest to unravel the mysteries of the traveler-tourist duality and discover how your chosen path transforms the entire tapestry of your adventure. In the travelers code, are you a traveler or a tourist?

Decoding the Labels

First things first, what distinguishes a traveler from a tourist? Well, it’s not about the number of countries stamped in your passport or the hours spent wandering through historical landmarks. It’s a travel state of mind, a philosophy of exploration.

The Tourist:

Picture this – meticulously planned itineraries, guided tours, and a checklist of must-see attractions. Tourists crave the comfort of predictability, relying on familiar routines and iconic sights. They’re armed with guidebooks, maps, and perhaps a pocket translator, ensuring every moment is accounted for. My husband, the Big Guy, is most definitely a tourist. 

The Traveler:

Now, shift your focus to the wanderers, the drifters, the seekers of the offbeat. Travelers thrive on spontaneity, eschewing rigid plans for the thrill of the unknown. They savor the local flavors, embrace serendipitous encounters, and believe that the journey itself is the destination. I am definitely a traveler, and so are our girls, so we are super grateful that the Big Guy takes on the roll of the cruise director on our trips so that we can be more spontaneous. Its easy when we know that he always has our back.

The Mindset Manifesto

1. Seek or Snap:

  • Tourist: Armed with selfie sticks and posed grins, tourists aim for the perfect shot, a visual checklist of conquests. For them, memories are captured in pixels, curated for the envy of social media followers.
  • Traveler: The traveler’s lens captures moments, not postcards. It’s about experiencing the golden hour in a bustling market, feeling the pulse of a city, and letting the essence of a place seep into the soul. The camera is a companion, not a barrier.

2. Path vs. Purpose:

  • Tourist: Following the well-trodden path, tourists stick to the tried-and-tested routes. Their purpose is to cover ground efficiently, ticking off landmarks like items on a shopping list.
  • Traveler: The road less taken beckons the traveler. It’s about embracing detours, getting lost, and stumbling upon hidden gems. The purpose is not just to see but to absorb, to connect with the heartbeat of a locale.

3. Cuisine Conundrum:

  • Tourist: Safe bets and familiar chains dominate the tourist’s culinary journey. They’re more likely to stick to what they know, reluctant to venture into the uncharted territory of local delicacies.
  • Traveler: Food is a gateway to culture for the discerning traveler. From street stalls to hole-in-the-wall eateries, they crave authenticity, savoring the flavors that define a region. Culinary exploration is an adventure in itself.

The Transformative Power of Choice

Now that we’ve dissected the traveler-tourist spectrum, how does this choice shape your travel experience? Let’s delve into the profound impact of embracing one persona over the other.

1. Depth of Connection:

  • Tourist: Surface-level interactions characterize the tourist experience. Engagements with locals are transactional – guided tours, brief exchanges, and fleeting moments devoid of depth.
  • Traveler: The traveler fosters meaningful connections. Conversations with locals become narratives, and chance encounters evolve into shared stories. It’s not just about observing; it’s about becoming a part of the tapestry.

2. Memorabilia vs. Memories:

  • Tourist: Fridge magnets, keychains, and souvenirs encapsulate the tourist’s journey. These mementos are tangible reminders of places visited, but often lack the emotional resonance of true memories.
  • Traveler: Memories are the traveler’s most cherished souvenirs. Each experience etches itself into the traveler’s consciousness – the laughter shared with locals, the challenges overcome, and the unexpected beauty discovered off the beaten path.

3. Flexibility and Adaptability:

  • Tourist: Rigidity defines the tourist’s schedule. Unexpected closures, weather disruptions, or spontaneous invitations can derail the planned agenda, causing frustration.
  • Traveler: Flexibility is the traveler’s ally. Adapting to unforeseen circumstances is not a setback but an opportunity for adventure. The ability to pivot seamlessly adds an element of thrill to the journey.

Embracing the Hybrid: Travelist

In the grand tapestry of travel, is there room for a harmonious blend of both worlds? Indeed, enter the ‘travelist’ – a savvy explorer who combines the structure of a tourist with the spirit of a traveler.

A travelist plans with purpose, choosing destinations that resonate with personal interests but allows for serendipity. They appreciate the convenience of guided tours while relishing the freedom to wander off course. The travelist savors local delicacies but doesn’t shy away from the occasional familiar comfort.

Closing Thoughts: Choose Your Adventure

As you stand at the crossroads of traveler and tourist, remember – there’s no right or wrong way to explore. The essence lies in the journey itself, shaped by the choices you make and the mindset you carry. Whether you’re a meticulous tourist, a free-spirited traveler, or a harmonious travelist, the world awaits your unique perspective.

What’s your travel philosophy? Are you set on a predefined course or ready to let the wind guide you? As you embark on your next adventure, remember – the magic is not just in the destination; it’s in the transformative dance between the traveler and the world.

More Travel posts:

Things to do in Banff with Teens

Top hings to do in Boston

Things to do in New Orleans

Why Every Family should GoRVing

If you enjoyed this post, please like, comment and subscribe! XOXO

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Battle of the Bugs: Decoding CoVid-19, Influenza, the Common Cold, and RSV
HealthNew Mom Monday

Decoding Sickness; CoVid-19, Influenza, Common Cold and RSV

by Deborah Cruz
written by Deborah Cruz

Estimated reading time: 3 minutes

Lord have mercy, there is so many different illnesses going around and life would be a lot easier if we learned how to decode sickness. It’s just too much. Welcome to the ultimate showdown of the microscopic world – where germs compete for the title of the most unwelcome guest in our bodies. In one corner, we have the heavyweight champion, CoVid-19; in another, the perennial contender, Influenza; lurking in the shadows, the sneaky Common Cold, and last but not least, the underdog with a punch, RSV. Let’s step into the ring and figure out how to tell these contenders apart. 

CoVid-19: The Uninvited Guest with a Sledgehammer Entrance

CoVid-19, the rockstar of viruses, stormed onto the scene in 2019, and it’s been headlining ever since. This bug doesn’t understand personal space, crashing our immune system party with a sledgehammer. It comes with a fever, a cough that sounds like a drum solo, and a loss of taste – the ultimate party pooper move.

Influenza: The Seasonal Showstopper

Influenza, or the flu, is like that annual concert you didn’t really want to attend. It hits you hard, leaves you achy and exhausted, and, worst of all, it keeps coming back every year. With symptoms like a high fever, body aches that feel like you’ve been moshing all night, and a cough that rivals a heavy metal singer’s vocals, the flu is a regular feature on the seasonal illness charts.

The Common Cold: Your Run-of-the-Mill Troublemaker

Ah, the Common Cold – the trickster of the bunch. Sneezing, sniffling, and generally making you feel like you got hit by a feather, the common cold is the jester of viruses. Its symptoms are more annoying than alarming: a runny nose, mild cough, and the occasional throat irritation. It’s like a background noise virus, always there but never stealing the spotlight. Unless its a man cold, that’s an entirely different beast…or so I heard. I don’t really know because I’m not a man. 

RSV: The Silent Striker

RSV, or Respiratory Syncytial Virus, is the dark horse in this competition. It usually goes for the youngest members of the audience, hitting infants and toddlers with a silent but potent punch. RSV comes with symptoms like coughing, sneezing, and difficulty breathing, making it a serious contender for pediatric attention.

Spotting the Differences:

Now that we’ve introduced our contenders, let’s talk about how to tell them apart. Imagine you’re the referee in this viral boxing match.

  • Fever Flare:

    • CoVid-19 and Influenza often come with a high fever, while the Common Cold and RSV usually keep it mild.

  • Coughing Cadence:

    • CoVid-19 boasts a persistent cough that’s hard to ignore.
    • Influenza brings a robust cough, often accompanied by body aches.
    • The Common Cold’s cough is more of an irritating side note.
    • RSV’s cough can be severe, especially in the little ones.

  • Body Aches Amplified:

    • Influenza is the champion of body aches.
    • CoVid-19 follows closely, leaving you feeling like you’ve been hit by a truck.
    • The Common Cold and RSV usually keep body aches on the down-low.

  • Age Preference:

    • CoVid-19 doesn’t discriminate by age.
    • Influenza hits all age groups but tends to favor the young and the old.
    • The Common Cold loves all ages equally.
    • RSV has a soft spot for infants and toddlers.

In the grand arena of viral combat, each contender has its unique moves and preferred audience. While CoVid-19, Influenza, the Common Cold, and RSV might share some symptoms, their differences help us understand which opponent we’re up against. So, next time you feel under the weather, remember this guide – because nothing beats a well-informed immune system! Stay healthy, stay happy, and keep those germs at bay!

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boilermaker love story
Marriage and Relationships

A Boilermaker Love Story

by Deborah Cruz
written by Deborah Cruz

Estimated reading time: 4 minutes

I met my husband, senior year of college at Purdue University. We met at Harry’s. We had a mutual friend, who’d grown up with him, and really wanted to introduce me to this “great guy” ( just as friends). This was a boilermaker love story from the very start. In case you’re wondering what a boilermaker is, its what Purdue students, athletes and alumni call themselves. I am, in fact, a proud Boilermaker whose heart bleeds black and gold and of all the precious moments I experienced throughout my tenure at my beloved Purdue, our love story is, by far, my favorite.

After weeks of hearing about this guy, she convinced me to leave our LSAT prep class a little early and head to Harry’s for a drink and some popcorn. It was September 29,1997. We walked into Harry’s and there at the back of the bar, surrounded by his friends and talking to the bartender was this massive 6’5” man. There was no way you could miss him.

We made our way through the crowd to where he was and when our mutual friend introduced us, he barely looked in my direction and mumbled, “Hey.” It floated down and landed with a thud. Honestly, I was as unimpressed and disinterested as he seemed to be. All the weeks of hearing what a “great guy” he was only to realize, he was kind of a jerk. No worries, I didn’t even know this guy and I’d never have to see him again.

Eventually, the night progressed to an impromptu after party back at the house he shared with 5 other guys; the infamous 345 Sylvia Street. At that time though, it could have been in another country because I was geographically challenged and had no idea where it was in relation to my apartment on Chauncey.

Within 20 minutes, our mutual friend disappeared with a guy. It happens. I was left alone talking to the guy she introduced me to and his roommate. Honestly, I just wanted to go home because I had a big Astronomy test the next day; I needed sleep.

Our Boilermaker love story had an unlikely beginning

Eventually, around 2 am, I started to freak out a little because I’d been abandoned at this party with guys I barely knew and had absolutely no idea how to get home. The “great guy” offered to walk me home ( which in retrospect is weird because he had a car and it was the middle of the night) with no other option, I took him up on his offer. How bad could it be? I desperately needed to get home. Was I just supposed to live there now?

He immediately told me that he wanted to show me something. All I thought was, omg, this is where my SVU episode begins. He took me to the top of the parking garage and pointed out constellations ( I guess he’d been paying attention when I was talking about my Astronomy exam). Then, unbeknownst to me, we headed in the opposite direction of my apartment taking effectively the longest way home. I was oblivious.

We ended up at the Purdue University soccer fields, lying on the grass as he pointed out more constellations. I wasn’t sure if this guy who completely blew me off when we met earlier that night was super sweet and trying to help me study or super creepy and going to assault me. I had no option, I was lost on campus in the middle of the night with a guy a foot taller than me. I queued up all those karate moves my dad taught me as a kid… just in case this “great guy” got any SVU ideas.

Our love story happened when I least expected it

Then, it happened. My entire life changed when I wasn’t paying attention. As we were lying there, talking about everything and nothing under the stars with the dewy grass beneath us, he started to talk about his grandmother, who’d recently passed. He spoke with such love and reverence when telling me about the woman she was, he got choked up. That break in his voice, shifted my perspective of who I thought he was. To be honest, I realized I thought this great guy was a jerk simply from one interaction that only lasted a couple of minutes.

Eventually, he walked me home and we had our first kiss on my doorstep as the sun was coming up. He told me he loved me 2 weeks later and proposed 4 months later, just a few days shy of our first Valentine’s Day, on the dance floor at WhereElse. 27 years and 2 boilermaker babies later, we’ve been inseparable ever since. I may have flunked my Astronomy exam but I found my forever. When I wasn’t looking, I found everything, I never knew that I always wanted right there on campus.

What was your meet cute story? How did your love story begin?

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winter gardening
Home

Gardening to Do Before Spring

by Deborah Cruz
written by Deborah Cruz

Estimated reading time: 3 minutes

It’s kind of hard to imagine gardening, as I’m looking out the window to see freezing rain turn to mounds of snow but it’s right around the corner. Spring will be here before you know it. For the last couple of years, I keep waiting until May to start my garden but then May gets away from me and before I know it, summer’s over and I have no tomatoes. The garden just keeps getting pushed aside. This year, I want my tomatoes. I’m pushing through the procrastination and making a plan. This year, we’re considering winter gardening as part of my prep.

With a little organization and planning, your garden can be grow and plant ready this spring when you want to start enjoying it. If we leave our garden all winter the prep work can pile up and become a huge, time-consuming and labor intensive chore. No one wants to be rushing to prep their garden in May because if you’re a parent, you know May’s too busy for that. 

However, by doing a few gardening jobs now will make life a lot less stressful in the future for your garden parties, morning coffee on the deck and working out in the garden. Although the garden can look very dead in winter it isn’t always, flowers are waiting to push through, vegetables can still be grown and lots of animals are hibernating and may be in your garden resting ready for their return in spring.

Maintenance of any Water Areas

In the garden there may be different areas where you have pools of water. If you have a pond you may need to check it and make sure any water plants need cutting back or if the water needs to be treated in any way. If you have a pool or hot tub you may need to get someone in for any pool or hot tub maintenance. A lot of grime and dirt can build up so it is always best to get it sorted. You may even have the occasional animal find its way into your pond that has drowned and needs to be disposed of.

Trimming Plants And Bushes

One of the other things you will want to do is to trim plants and bushes, they should all be dried and looking dead now with all the leaves wilted off. It will be an easy time to prune them down so they can grow again for the next season. If you are ever unsure how much to prune them simply google it or ask your gardening friends. 

Assist The Wildlife In Your Garden

The creatures that comprise the ecosystem of your garden need your assistance now more than ever because they toil tirelessly year-round to eat pests and aerate your soil. It’s your turn to return the favor. If you have bird feeders, hang them up somewhere cats can’t reach them. If you’re crafty, construct a bug hotel. Insects and small mammals can find a place to overwinter if you just leave a pile of fallen branches and leaves in a corner of your yard.

Harvest Your Winter Crops 

Harvesting during the winter will be a lot of work if you’ve produced winter vegetables. It’s even said that hardy brassicas like Brussels sprouts and winter cabbage taste better after a frost. In the winter months, parsnips, leeks, and gorgeous kale are among the other veggies that are ready for harvesting. Not to worry, if you planted your vegetables in the autumn and they aren’t quite ready yet; they are all hardy and will happily grow in the ground till spring. 

If you’re planning a garden this spring, now is the time to get started prepping it so that you can have a hearty harvest this summer. If you’re an avid gardener, what’s your best tip for prepping your garden?

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3 Internet-Based Hobbies You Should Try in 2024, computer based
Blogging

3 Internet-Based Hobbies You Should Try in 2024

by Deborah Cruz
written by Deborah Cruz

Seems like everything we do is online now, right? I’ve been living, playing, learning and working online full-time since about 2009. It’s where I’ve met some of my closest friends and encountered some of my best opportunities. I still love doing things IRL because I was here when that was the only way things were done.  It’s the beginning of a brand new year and there are plenty of reasons to try something new, whether it be just to expand your horizons or try something you never even considered before and its easier than ever with the internet-based and computer-based hobbies. Let’s face it, the internet is a wealth of information and it’s always right there at your fingertips. 

Maybe you’re feeling stuck in a rut, or just might be plain old, run of the mill bored. God knows after these last couple weeks of not knowing which day it was, I am definitely bored. But, I definitely don’t have to be. By turning to a hobby, you can reinvent who you were into who you want to be. For example, I’ve decided 2024 is the year that I get back to playing the guitar, practicing some languages that I’ve become rusty at (Oh yes, I’ve got a hot date with Babbel)  and learning to knit. Thanks to the internet, I can do it all from the comfort of home at my own pace and I am ecstatic. 

There are billions of hobbies available to pick up online but that doesn’t mean you’ll be interested in all of them. It’s definitely worth narrowing them down with something you’re already interested in, like computers or the internet. There are more than a few of those hobbies you could try.

These could be more interesting than you’d think, and these three could keep you occupied for hours. I know because I make my living doing one of them and I just graduated with an M.S. in Digital Marketing from a university on the East Coast thanks to the internet. Long live tech, computers and A.I ( as a search engine of course, the way it was intended).

Computer-Based Hobbies: 3 Great Picks To Try

1. Learning

You can learn quite a few things from your computer. Actually, you can learn almost everything and not all of it has to be useless facts or random cat videos. Instead, you can use it to learn about something you actually like and care about  ( new languages, how to DIY or even earn your university degrees) . There are even classes related to developing and improving careers ( I’m looking at you HubSpot Academy, Learn Digital with Google and SEMRush ).

To say you’ll have plenty of them to choose from would be an understatement. There are even free courses available online from Harvard! I should know, I’m enrolled in 2.  Whether you’re doing it for your career or simply for the love of learning, with the internet, there’s nothing holding you back. Many of these courses can even result in you getting certifications, which can be great if you’re career-hunting.

2. Online Gaming

One of the first computer-based hobbies that could come to mind is online gaming. You probably thought of this already, but you might believe it involves massive and complicated games. It doesn’t have to. Online games range from the simple – like winter poker – to the massive – like World of Warcraft.

No matter what your interests are, you’ll be sure to find more than a few online games you’ll like. It can be worth looking into more than a few of them, and it could end up being more enjoyable than you’d think. 

3. Blogging

Well, we all know this is my favorite, as I’ve built my own website and brand over the last nearly 15 years. For me, blogging is everything; it’s where I niched out a career as a SAHM, built a community and logged many hours of motherhood. If you love writing, then blogging can be one of the most appealing computer-based hobbies you can try. All you’ll really need are some basic tech skills to start things off, and the passion to keep blogging about something.

You’ll have plenty of options to choose from when you’re blogging. My suggestion is to blog about something that you love and/ or are passionate and knowledgeable about. If you really want to succeed, answer the burning questions potential readers have about the topic you want to write about.  They say if you do something you love, you’ll never work a day in your life. As a professional blogger, I’d like to debunk that myth because blogging is a lot of work but you’ll really enjoy it. Loving the topic that you’re writing about will give you the motivation to keep writing about it. With a little bit of time and effort, you could even see your community of readers grow over time. That’s your village and they are 1000% worth all the effort.

There are more than a few computer-based hobbies you can pick from. The internet is the perfect place for enriching your life without having to go out into public and people because let’s be real, sometimes peopling is overrated. You’ll end up keeping yourself occupied for hours, while becoming the optimized You 2.0. Why stop at just one? Try a few of them if you want to find something you’ll really love. It’ll keep you more entertained and maybe even make you the most interesting person in the room when you do venture out into public. Best of all, you’ll have a cure for boredom at your disposable 24/7.

What’s your favorite online, internet or computer based activity?

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Top Things to Learn Now About Sleep
Mom Life

New Baby? Top Things to Learn Now About Sleep

by Deborah Cruz
written by Deborah Cruz

Estimated reading time: 8 minutes

I just had a dream last night that I was pregnant.Yeah, it was a pretty weird dream considering that it’s actually impossible, since the great partial hysterectomy of 2018. Not having a uterus makes it pretty much impossible to be pregnant. But, it reminded me of what it was like to be pregnant and becoming a new mom, all those years ago. Those early months of being a parent can be the foggiest of your life. I, honestly, didn’t know which way was up a lot of the time because I was so damn exhausted. Having to try to navigate, keeping a kid alive while keeping yourself organized at the same time is no easy task. It doesn’t leave much space for sleep, especially when your newborn is making your sleep as broken as physically possible. Don’t even get me started on the colicky newborn sleep nights. Trying to learn the way another person sleeps is not easy even if that person has come directly from you. Sleep is one of those things that you expect to lose out on when you become a parent, but it doesn’t mean it’s easy to truly comprehend how much sleep you will actually lose or what that can mean for you as a new mom… and that’s coming from a lifelong insomniac.

When you’re a mom, everything becomes about survival, and sleep is a big part of that survival. You think about when you can nap, about how long the baby is going to sleep through the night, how often you will be waking up to check on their breathing patterns. Babies are brand new to the world and you are learning about them as much as they are learning how to be human beings. The thing is, that’s little consolation when you’re so tired that you can’t see straight. There are guides such as Baby Sleep Positions: The Complete Guide For Parents that can help guide you through how to understand the ways that babies sleep, but that doesn’t necessarily mean it’s easy. You can anticipate broken sleep and still be in shock and awe when the reality of sleep deprivation hits. Just because you chose to be a parent does not mean that you could have anticipated the gravity of what sleep deprivation can do to your mind, your mood and your health.

If it helps in any way, just know that sleep deprivation has been used as a torturing device in wars, so you’re not alone in feeling like you’re being cruel and unusually  punished. As a new mom, there are lots of things that you’ll be learning and experiencing about motherhood for the first time. Sleep, for baby and mama, is a crucial part of surviving that process so let’s take a look at some of the top things that you need to learn now about how your baby will sleep.

Top things to learn now about newborn sleep

  • Sleep deprivation is very dangerous. You can joke about leaving your car keys in your car, or leaving the chest freezer open in the garage, or falling asleep on the toilet due to lack of sleep but what happens when you are so tired you leave the baby in the carseat in a hot car? It’s scary and it’s dangerous. Severe and prolonged sleep deprivation can cause depression, hallucinations, memory loss and high blood pressure. Not only that, it is exhausting to try to live on very little sleep. Ideally, you’ll be sharing this sleep deprivation load with a partner, but if you’re trying to navigate things by yourself ( and even with help from your partner) then you’ll definitely need to call in some reinforcements in terms of friends and family to have some extra help.
  • Parents often lie when it comes to their baby’s sleep. We all want to pretend we’ve got our mom shit together. If you ask a new parent how their baby is sleeping, they will tell you that their baby is sleeping just fine. But what does “fine” even mean for most people? I can tell you from my own experience, it sure as heck didn’t mean sleeping through the night. It mostly meant, at some point during the night they passed out and then I passed out and none of us died before the next feeding. But it most certainly did not mean we all had a massage and fell asleep at 9 PM and stayed asleep until 8 am the next morning. I never could have told that lie, the baggage under my eyes would have ratted me out. Newborns are not designed to sleep through the night. They have tiny tummies that need feeding every couple of hours, and they require cuddles and contact because they’ve just spent nine months suspended in animation in the coziest womb ever. Some parents feel the need to exaggerate that their babies are getting enough sleep so that they feel like they are competent parents when actually, it’s pretty refreshing if somebody just tells you the truth. Then, we know we’re all in this gangsta ass mother hood together just trying to survive. To be completely honest, when I had 2 babies, 2-years-old and under, I really thought I was going to die from lack of sleep. I survived on coffee, delirium and a partner who helped me up when I thought I could no longer soldier on. 
  • Solid food will not force your child to sleep. So many myths and legends of old parenting will tell you that if you put something heavy in the baby’s tummy, they will sleep for longer. But this doesn’t actually work. Sure, they might drift off into a high sugar, carb coma but that’s not healthy.at.all.Firstly, they’re not designed to sleep through the night. They are babies, they’re not built FORD tough. They are designed to wake up regularly as a survival instinct, to fill their bellies and train you for the zombie apocalypse. Secondly, putting solids into the belly of a newborn baby can lead to a lot of gut issues later on in life. You could also be exacerbating reflux issues and other pain issues that your baby may end up having. Why? Because baby tummies are not designed to hold solid food until beyond six months. There is plenty of research to back up this fact.
  • Great nap times are not an indicator of great night times. Hell no. In fact, you’re baby might just be getting their days and nights mixed up and that’s a whole new level of cruel and unusual torture. Just because your baby sleeps during the day in solid nap time chunks doesn’t mean they’re going to do the same thing at night time, in fact, the opposite is probably true. Oh, in your exhausted state you’ll be tempted to let them sleeping babies just keep on napping but take it from this seasoned mom, don’t do it.  One of the best things that you can do is to put your baby into some kind of a routine that’s based on them and not based on what you believe they should be doing. For example, overtired babies don’t sleep very well, and you’ll notice that within 90 minutes of waking up, your baby’s going to learn to understand your baby’s sleep cues. 
  • Routine is a good thing. Bedtime routines work, but it has to be dependent on what your baby’s wants and needs are. You could try to put your baby down before a certain time of night, but that doesn’t mean that they’re going to instantly learn to recognize this as nighttime bedtime. A good winding down with a bath, lavender lotion massage, and story at bedtime is perfect, so just make sure that you are sticking to the same order so as they get older they will learn that this is what they’re bedtime routine is.
  • Babies will always fall asleep when they are tired enough to do so but to be able to drift off into a peaceful slumber is the real goal. If you manage to get your baby off into a nice deep sleep and put them into their crib successfully, then congratulations to you because this only happened because they felt safe and comfortable enough to do so in your care. Believe me, many a night I silently, army crawled backwards out of my daughters’ nursery like some sort of James Bond supervillain so I know, it takes some time to get the process working. 
  • Breastfeeding can help with sleeping. Breast milk is packed with melatonin and as a naturally occurring human hormone, the levels of this hormone increase towards the evening. Those nighttime feeds are packed with all of the good fats and melatonin that your child needs to fall asleep. As our melatonin starts to rise in the evening and reaches that peak in the early hours of the morning, breast milk is melatonin. Breast milk can be quite magical in that way. 
  • Keep the environment dark. Lighting and devices will always interfere with baby’s sleep.I recommend room darkening blinds or blackout curtains. I never had a nursery without them.  If you’re trying to put your baby to sleep, leave your phone behind. Sure you may be tempted to try to multitask during those 3 AM hour long feeding and rocking sessions but try to avoid the phone because that blue light will be shining in their face as much as it will be yours and you both need your rest. 

The important thing to remember is that this is temporary and it won’t always be this hard. If you can remind yourself of that from time to time in the early days, it will change your perspective and make it all feel a bit easier. The most important thing is that you and baby get enough rest to live and love and fight again the next day. Motherhood can be really hard and sometimes a bit miserable but then, it’s filled with little hands hugging your neck, loving you unconditionally and even the occasional moments of unadulterated bliss. Take from this mom of a 18 and 16-year-old, with one heading off to college in the fall and the other one about to graduate from high school, I would not trade one second of my exhausted front row seat in their childhood for any amount of sleep. From me to you, motherhood is very hard but it is also very worth it and never forget, you are not alone; we’ve all been where you are.

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How to Balance Running a Business as a Busy Parent
Mom Life

How to Balance Running a Business as a Busy Parent

by Deborah Cruz
written by Deborah Cruz

Estimated reading time: 5 minutes

Being a parent is super tough. It’s the hardest job that you’ll ever love and on some days, you might even hate it. It’s hard. There’s always so much to do and never enough time ( or energy). One huge issue parents experience is balancing their work life with their home life. For many moms, running a business of their own is seen as a perfect way to achieve a better work-life balance because we “think” its going to be easier, more convenient and allow us to be “more present”. Of course, it’s all a lie we tell ourselves powered by hope. The reality is that being in charge of your work life is really helpful and not having a “boss” certainly has its advantages.

Knowing how to balance running a business as a busy parent is crucial.

Because running your own business is an incredible amount of work with no off hours and people misunderstanding your flexibility for free time. You’ll likely find that your work consumes pretty much all of your time ( on call 24 hours a day). Having a business to run can feel like having another child to look after. While it’s a labor of love, its also a lot. This means that there’s a lot of responsibility resting on you. 

Figuring out how you can successfully balance running a business with a personal life is tricky. Hell, at some times, it feels down right impossible. But, understanding how to be a parent while successfully running a business is a question many people want the answer to, especially in today’s increasingly popular remote work and digital nomad culture. This can feel like a really massive challenge because, not to scare anyone but, it is . However, it doesn’t need to be as daunting as it seems. Yes, it will be difficult, but there are ways to ease your workload successfully and it will be worth it. 

Here’s how you can make this happen:

Take a Step Back to Review

The daily running of a business is incredibly intense. It’s so easy to get caught up in the many tasks you need to perform each day. This level of intense working means that it’s hard to see the bigger picture. Taking a tiny bit of time out provides the perfect opportunity to assess your business. While time is at a real premium for you, there’s still loads of benefits to be gained from pausing to assess your business. 

Just a few hours out of your day can help you figure a lot of things out. Assessing your business as a whole can provide a host of insights. This is especially helpful to do if you have been consumed by everyday tasks. Examining the bigger picture will help you to spot the tasks that take up most of your time. You can also then find inefficiencies and areas that could be changed to make your life easier. This review can deliver some really surprising results and ultimately change how you work.

Once you’ve carried out a review of your work, it’s time to take action. It’s great to take a step back. But unless you do something with the information you gather, things won’t change. Make a plan to take action and figure out how you can work more efficiently. Now that you’ve seen how your time is spent, it should be much easier to spot opportunities to cut time spent on certain tasks.

Implement the Right Software

Understanding how you spend your time is an excellent way to identify ways to get more out of your working day. But it’s not the only way to make time savings. You can also help yourself work smarter. Looking at your software and how it supports your business is vital. You may find that your existing software isn’t fit for purpose and makes life complicated. This completely goes against the point of using software in the first place. 

Your company’s software should support your business and make your life easier. All too often, business owners get stuck using software that is frustrating to work with. This can make everyday business tasks a hassle. Worst of all, it can have a serious impact on your time. Switching to new software can completely transform your business. But first, you need to be sure you pick the right software product. 

Choosing software that’s specifically designed for your industry is super helpful. Doing this can really transform the daily running of your company. Look for industry-specific software, such as venue management software. Software that is created to help business owners just like yourself will be packed with handy features to make your life easier. This enhanced functionality can shave time off your regular tasks. This means your working day is more efficient. 

Don’t be Afraid to Delegate

Running a home, raising kids, and managing a business are huge responsibilities. Trying to do all these things alone is an almost impossible task. So, it’s important to know that you don’t need to do it all yourself. Instead, it’s really helpful to delegate. 

Passing some of your to-do list onto others can feel alien to start with. But you’ll soon get into the habit of delegating at home and at work. If you’re super busy and the task can be completed by someone else, simply let them do it.

Be Present

One final way to balance the tricky task of running a business as a busy parent is to change your mindset. Trying to be present in both your home life and work life is one way to master this. So, when you’re at home, focusing on spending time with the kids, running your household, and maintaining relationships. Then, when you’re at work, keeping your mind focused on the job. This may sound impossible. However, the more you do it, the easier it becomes.

The benefits of being present in whatever situation you find yourself in are immense. You will find it so much easier to really concentrate. It’s now well known that attempting to multitask can be really harmful to both your wellbeing and your productivity. Ensuring you’re focused on each area of your life, wherever you are, is always really helpful. You should find that this helps you to enjoy the time you spend with your kids so much more.

Being free from the distractions of thinking about work all the time can be really liberating. You’ll probably feel much happier as a result. At work, you can then focus on being as productive as possible. Changing your mindset in this way is really beneficial for anyone that feels like they’re being pulled in all directions. Who knows, you may even be able to shake off that persistent feeling of mom guilt that many working parents struggle with!

How do you balance your work life and home life as a busy parent?

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Black Ohio Mother, Brittany Watts, Faces Felony Charges After Suffering Miscarriage
NewsThroat Punch Thursday

Black Ohio Mother, Brittany Watts, Faces Felony Charges After Suffering Miscarriage

by Deborah Cruz
written by Deborah Cruz

Estimated reading time: 0 minutes

In tales from the “what the fuck is going on?” and/ or another episode of “Let’s demonize women for existing,” or “misogyny gone wild” a black mother in Ohio, Brittany Watts, is facing felony charges after suffering a devastating, near fatal miscarriage.

Brittany Watts is facing felony charges for “abuse of a corpse” after suffering a miscarriage at nearly 22 weeks into her pregnancy, on September 22, 2023. Now, her case is headed to trial. The 33-year-old, Watts, is being accused of miscarrying her pregnancy while using the restroom and then flushing the fetal remains down her toilet.  * Newsflash, that’s usually what happens.

According to a GoFundMe page set up to help with mounting legal costs for Watts, “Brittany Watts suffered an agonizing miscarriage in the bathroom of her home in Warren, Ohio on September 22, 2023.

Brittany did nothing to cause her miscarriage. Her doctor had told her that her 21-week pregnancy could not survive, and she would miscarry. When the bleeding and the pain from the impending miscarriage got severe, she did the same thing that many women who miscarry at home do. Brittany went into her bathroom, miscarried into her toilet, and flushed. What happened after that is something that should only happen in Margaret Atwood’s Gilead, and certainly not in the United States of America.

Within hours of Brittany’s admission to the hospital for her life-threatening hemorrhaging, police removed the toilet from Brittany’s home and destroyed it searching for fetal remains. Brittany, a woman with no criminal history, was charged with felony gross abuse of a corpse, even though there is no Ohio law dictating the “proper” disposal method of the remains of a miscarriage. On November 2, Brittany sobbed as she sat in a courtroom listening to police officers describe the details of the most intensely personal moments of her life and then vilify her to the world, all while being recorded by local news media.”

Okay, this is a whole lot of what the actual fuck is going on here. As someone who has suffered a miscarriage (and that is exactly what happens to a woman when she miscarries…she suffers mentally and physically), there are no words to describe the kind of hell a mother endures when she loses her child. This is a deeply personal, painful, and private matter and one in which is difficult to navigate. No one knows what to do in this situation. It happens to you unexpectedly and you try to survive it in the best way you can. Believe me, for the mother, it is almost unbearable.

According to the National Library of Medicine, an estimated 23 million miscarriages occur every year worldwide, translating to 44 pregnancy losses each minute. The pooled risk of miscarriage is 15·3% .  Miscarriages happen to women not because of them, so why does the government and legal system want to punish us for what is already so devastating?

To add insult to such a grievous injury, the Ohio legal system is not only blaming the victim (because that is exactly what any mother who miscarries is) for a medical emergency, a fetus that failed to thrive through no fault of the mother; they are actually bringing women up on felony charges. This is one of the most demented and misogynistic things a society can do.

Watts has gone through one of the most painful and life changing experiences any woman can go through and now she is being demonized and prosecuted for disposing of the biological matter. What the fuck was she supposed to do? Women are not taught proper disposal of our miscarried babies when we watch the movie about menstruation in fifth grade! No one teaches us proper sex education in schools, we are taught abstinence in hushed tones and discouraged from asking any questions. We are told that we are sluts and all kinds of other insults if we dare to even inquire or try to educate ourselves and now, we are even blamed and held legally responsible when our pregnancies miscarry. It’s not bad enough that they list miscarriages on insurance bills as missed abortions and that the government has taken away our right to choose, now, they are actively charging women for being a victim of nature’s cruelest punishment.

I’m tired of men making laws on women’s bodies. Men have no idea what it feels like to live in a woman’s body and to suffer being a female. Because yes, for as much as I love being a woman, our misogynistic society keeps us in shackles and punishes us at will for no reason other than what lies between our legs. We are punished daily, in every aspect of our lives, simply for being born with a vagina.

Women are treated like second class citizens. We constantly have everything we say and do questioned, and that’s when we’re not being completely ignored. W are not even given domain over our own bodies. We are leered at and sexualized at every turn from birth till death. Sex is weaponized against us. Rape is a consequence for existing. We can’t even choose when, where, how or if we want to have children. Do you know what giving birth is like? It is the most painful thing a woman can ever endure. It is so painful that it makes you want to die to escape it.

The act of giving birth is one done out of complete love and sacrifice, and we do it over and over again because of that complete and unconditional love we have for our children. But make no mistake, it is no easy task. It is the most difficult and intense experience any human being can go through.

Imagine choosing that, knowing the full weight of that sacrifice, and choosing it over and over again. Then, imagine losing your pregnancy. The emptiness, the sorrow, the void a mother feels is mind bending. The loss of what might have been, the promise of holding and loving your child is mind breaking. The physical pain, the failure of your body, the failure of your child to thrive…so much loss and all that love with nowhere to go. There is nothing as painful in this world as a full heart and empty arms.

I did not miscarry at home. In fact, my pregnancy was intact. I’m not sure if that would make me more or less of a villain in my miscarriage story. My child no longer had a heartbeat. You don’t know devastation until you’ve heard these words uttered to you. My child, who looked absolutely perfect on an ultrasound, had no heartbeat and my body would not let go of it, so I had to have my pregnancy surgically removed. My other option was that I could have taken a wait and see approach and possibly gone septic and have risked death. It was like going through labor with nothing to show for it in the end but a broken heart. So many women must labor only to go home with empty arms and broken hearts…broken hearts that never heal. I left my child behind at the hospital. My child became biomedical waste. No one asked me what I wanted to do with the remains. I was not offered cremation or burial. There was no counseling offered to me. I simply arrived with a pregnancy and left a mother without a child.

In Watts’ case, the miscarriage happened at home. The fetus’ remains were uncovered by local law enforcement on Sept. 22, per the Warren Police Department, after they removed the toilet from her home and tested it for fetal matter.

Now, Watts faces this felony charge even AFTER a forensic pathologist testified last month that her fetus was not born alive and died before passing through the birth canal; further, he said the fetus ​​was “nonviable because [Watts] had premature ruptured membranes—her water had broken early—and the fetus was too young to be delivered.” Watts’ defense attorney, Tracy Timko, told media last month that her client “learned days before” her miscarriage that this outcome “was inevitable and that the fetus could not survive outside the womb due to gestational age.”

None of this makes sense. None of this vilification of this mother is logical or reasonable. Brittany Watts should not be on trial, Ohio should be on trial for the cruel and unusual punishment of a living, human woman.

What are your thoughts? I am disgusted and flabbergasted but I am not shocked in the least because this is what the world does to women time and time again, throughout history. 

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10 Ingenious Ways to Remember to Move the Elf on the Shelf
Lifestyle

Holiday Shenanigans: 10 Ingenious Ways to Remember to Move the Elf on the Shelf!

by Deborah Cruz
written by Deborah Cruz

Estimated reading time: 3 minutes

Elf on the Shelf — those pint-sized North Pole spies who lurk around every corner and keep tabs on who’s been naughty or nice. As parents, keeping up with the nightly adventures of these mischievous little Santa’s henchmen can be a challenge worthy of Santa’s workshop. Fear not! Here are 10 ingenious ways to remember to move the Elf on the Shelf and

10 Ingenious Ways to Remember to Move the Elf on the Shelf

1. The Sticky Note Sleigh Ride

Cover your fridge with sticky notes, each suggesting a new escapade for the elf. It’s like a daily dose of elfin inspiration every time you reach for the milk. But maybe do it in code, if the kids are old enough to read. 

2. The Elf Command Center

Set up a “Command Center” in your kitchen with a tiny computer, a mini mug of cocoa, and a sign that reads, “Elf HQ.” Your kids will believe the elf is planning nightly escapades from this North Pole nerve center.

3. Texts from the Elf

Get your kids excited with daily texts from the elf. Use a free texting app and send messages like, “Guess where I’ll be hiding tonight?” or “Ready for some North Pole magic?” This will get them excited its the perfect way to remember to move the elf on the shelf.

4. Elf in the Freezer

Ever heard of a frozen elf? Place your elf in the freezer overnight, and tell the kids he’s chilling to combat the North Pole heat. A frosty surprise awaits them in the morning! Hell, if you need to, leave him there for a couple days. 

5. Elfie Selfies

Arm your elf with a mini camera and create a tiny photo album of his nightly adventures. Your kids will love flipping through Elfie’s scrapbook each morning.

6. Elf Express Mail

“Mail” tiny letters from the elf to your kids, recounting his nightly adventures. This mini post office ensures the magic keeps flowing, one letter at a time.

7. Elf Elevator

Create a makeshift elf elevator using a small basket and some twine. Your kids will wonder how the elf managed to travel between floors!

8. Elf on a Shelf BFF

Introduce a mini plush toy as your elf’s BFF. Your kids will be curious about the new arrival, and you can take turns moving both characters around.

9. Elf Trail Mix

Create a trail mix with tiny elf-sized treats like cereal, raisins, and mini marshmallows. Sprinkle the mix in a creative path leading to the elf’s new hiding spot.

10. Elf’s Got Talent

Set up a mini stage complete with a judging panel of tiny toys. Your kids will wake up to discover their elf showing off hidden talents each night.

With these ways to remember to move the elf on the shelf, you are sure to not forget. Remember, the key to a successful Elf on the Shelf escapade is creativity and consistency. With these ingenious ideas up your festive sleeves, you’ll turn the nightly ritual into a family tradition filled with giggles and wide-eyed wonder and also, remind yourself to help relocate those  Let the elfin magic continue!

If you enjoyed this post, found it entertaining or learned something helpful, please like, comment and follow! Happy holidays! XOXO

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