Today, you are five! Happy birthday, my sweet, precious baby girl. I guess, technically, you are not a baby any longer. You are a gift and I am thankful to God every day for letting me be your mother. You make me laugh when I most want to cry. I would give you the world if I could. I would sacrifice my everything to make you smile. Your little heart is so big that sometimes it swallows me whole. How can such a tiny little girl be so wise beyond her years. You take my hand and hold it in yours when I am sad. I’ve been sad a lot this month. You know. I wanted so badly to give you what you wanted most for your birthday. I wanted to make you a big sister. You have been asking us for years. I tried. I failed. I am sorry.
Your smile lights up my world. The morning you were born, I knew that my life was about to change in huge ways. From the moment you came into my life, you have filled the space with love and joy. I love your nervous little smile and the way you cock and bow your head when you are in a new situation. You get just the littlest bit shy and you pull yourself behind my leg for protection and I LOVE that. I love that you trust me to protect you from the hurts of the world. I hope I can do that for all of my life.
Your tiny arms around my neck, melts my heart. Seeing you asleep gives me hope and a renewed faith in the world. You are more amazing than I will ever be able to convince you of but I will spend my entire life trying. You are beautiful, funny, smart and capable of doing anything you ever want to. I hope you always remember that. I know life is getting more and more hectic each year you grow. This year it was preschool, ballet and soccer; first friends and tiny glimpses of letting go. I know that soon, I will be the last person that you will want to spend your time with and your time will be filled with activities and obligations and the letting go will get more and more frequent. But for today, for just a little longer, you are still my baby. You still fit perfectly in my lap and you will always fit perfectly in my heart.
I see a lot of myself in you. You don’t let people put you in a box. You get scared and then you get mad and then you do it anyways. You have always taken your leaps and then asked for forgiveness. You will never ask for permission. It drives me a little bit nuts because I am so afraid that you will get hurt but secretly, I am so proud of you. You can accomplish anything you set your mind to and that is one of the biggest lessons in life that I have always dreamed of instilling in you and your sister.
The two of you together are best friends and worst enemies in a matter of minutes. But neither of you will ever let anyone else hurt your sister. The ferociousness with which you love and protect one another is something to behold. It’s breathtaking how much you love one another. It gives me comfort knowing that if anything ever happened to your Daddy and I, the two of you will always have one another.
You make me want to be a better person, someone worthy of your love. The spray of freckles that cross the bridge of your nose is the most adorable thing I have ever seen in my life. What I really want to say is simple, I love you..more than words can effectively convey. Each day, I love you more than the last. Today you are five, but in my heart, you will always be my baby.