I used to be an old pro at parenting my girls alone and basically living without another adult in the house, most of the time. I hated it. My husband lived in another state 5 days a week. It was awful. Remember the bald spot that sent me into a tailspin at 3 in the morning? Good times!
Anyways, it was no BIG deal. I just dealt with all of it; the insomnia, the being scared shitless that someone was going to break in and stab me in the middle of the night, or some creep was going to come into our house in the dark of night and snatch the girls right out of their beds. Yeah, my mind was going crazy. I pretty much slept every single night with my girls in my bed, the bedroom door shut and locked, the entire house boobie trapped so that if someone walked in the house, they would knock something over and I would be alerted having enough time to grab the girls, shimmy down the drain pipe and run. Where to I didn’t know but I was sure going to get the hell out of the house because outside, there are more places to hide from stranger danger or just run next door to my neighbor the police sergeant’s house; the man with the gun who is trained to protect and serve.
So here we are 2 years later and the Big Guy has a conference in California. We were supposed to go with but shit happens and we didn’t go. He left on Saturday, so any guesses on who hasn’t slept in three days? ME! It’s kind of hard to sleep with a 6 and 8-year-old in the bed and a dog who thinks she is human. I have about one square foot of sleeping space in my king sized bed. Sure, I am exhausted but what’s the alternative? Put the kids in the other room, lock my door, get some sleep and leave them to their own devices should some freak break in?
I shouldn’t be joking about this. I swear I am one 48 hour special away from not trusting anyone. Why did I take all of those damn criminology courses in college? Everyone is a suspect. Was I this big of a chicken before I had kids? I doubt it. I don’t remember being afraid of anything in my 20’s. I guess we don’t truly appreciate our mortality or what we have until we have something worth losing.
Right now, I am sitting awake on the computer while everyone else is asleep, both girls beside me and the dog snoring peacefully at (on) my feet. I am exhausted but the damn bug zapper outside keeps popping and crackling and, wait, was that a bump downstairs? Excuse me while I lock my bedroom door, maneuver the elliptical in front of the door and plan my escape route. What, you’ve never done this before?
Daddy’s away insomnia stinks. Luckily, I have company staying over the rest of the week. Maybe I will finally get some sleep. Do you have trouble sleeping when your spouse is out of town?