The Fat Whisperer

The Fat Whisperer, not to be confused with the vagina whisperer is  a totally different beast all together. Instead of being the bringer of of all things awesome, the fat whisperer brings the truth and leaves crying women in it’s wake. I admire the honesty and determination of the fat whisperer but I think perhaps, I could probably live without the brutal honesty of the fat whisperer. Sometimes when faced with the fat whisperer, it is best to just turn your eyes downward and not ask questions because more than likely you will have something whispered to you that you wish you never heard.

I try to raise my girls to know that people come in all shapes, sizes, and colors and most importantly to be comfortable in their own skin. Why else do I expose them to Wal-Mart and public parks? I pound this into their tiny little heads with my Mommy mallet voice. But I am human (as is evidenced by my love handles). In the presence of my daughters, I REALLY try to refrain from the self-deprecating questions such as “Do these jeans make me look fat?” “Does this dress make my hips look wide” “Does this turtle neck look like its going to make my head pop off my shoulders”. It’s a 24-hour a day job, just trying not to be a bad example. Apparently, I’m failing miserably.

4 year old: “Mommy, I want you to be tall and straight like Daddy.”

By the whisper, I concluded that she was trying diplomatically to say something that was, in fact, insulting (sort of like a southern belle giving a compliment. No? Is that just my Mom?)

The fat whisperer cometh

My husband is 6’5″; I understand that he is taller than me. But what the hell did she mean by “straight”?

I couldn’t leave it alone, “Mommy is a girl and normally, we are shorter than boys. I can’t do anything about that.”

The 4 year old, “But you can get straight!”.

Completely befuddled I ask, “Honey, what do you mean that you want me to be “straight like Daddy”? *In retrospect, I can’t believe just how completely clueless I was.

The Fat Whisperer speaks the Truth

Fat whisperer 4 year old sizes me up and says, “You know, straight, with none of this!”

By this, I deduced from the fact that she was rubbing my love handles that she meant my extra jelly on the roll I sport around my midsection. Talk about an awkward moment. The Mommy’s perfect goggles had come off. I was hoping that I had a few more years of perfection but no, the fat whisperer has spoken and I must work out. No more avoiding the gym.

I’m not morbidly obese, or maybe I am to her, who knows what I look like to a small child. I am no longer a size 5. I’m a well-established resident in double-digit land.

To add insult to already injured ego, the Fat whisperer was engaged in a full on dialogue with an “imaginary friend”. Well, that’s what I’m assuming. If not, we’ve got bigger issues than the size of the junk in my trunk.

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fat whisperer
This is real, not Photoshopped and we still don't know what the hell the blue image is.

I made the fatal mistake, “You’ll still love Mommy even if I’m not straight, right?”

Exasperated, “Yeah, Mommy! But some people are like ‘Hey look at that fat girl!’ But I’m like, ‘Hey, don’t say that! She’s my Mommy and she’s perfect!”

Then she looks me in the eye and shrugs, “I still love you anyways, Mommy!” and walks away.

Then she turns back to me and says nonchalantly, “It’s OK Mommy, they say it about Daddy and Saffron (the dog) too. They’re like ‘Hey, look at that stupid guy walking that ugly dog!’

I can lose weight, but what about the moron I’m married to and that damn ugly dog? The moral of the story is buy skinny mirrors for the house, put blinders on the kids and forbid all imaginary friends lest you fall victim to the Fat whisperer.

The Fat Whisperer

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Comments (21)

I’ve already had my daughter come home and say that one of her friends told her that her mom was fat. My first reaction was to say, “yeah, but at least you have a mom. His walked out on him.” Which was true, but thank God I refrained from shooting off my mouth that one time.

I just see it as an opportunity to reiterate that people come in all shapes, sizes, and colors and that we need to learn to appreciate each other’s differences. Hopefully she will hold those lessons (and her self esteem) close.

Yes, we do talk about everyone coming in all shapes and sizes but they see commercials and know what shape Barbie comes in…unfortunately. I’m really trying to model a healthy lifestyle and happy demeanor,s o hopefully that will stick:)

Jennifer Probst

OH, my, this was literally hysterical! My kids pat my tummy and say “How cute!” like there is still a frikkin baby in there – NOT!!! Love this post!

OMG< kids are crazy, I wonder if they really believe what they are saying? THey have to,t here is no way they would be intentionally that cruel, right?LOL

Funny. Very funny. I took the whole “Get Straight” thing VERY differently.

LOL! I actually considered that for a moment but then she really had me confused and there’s no way she could ever understand that implication.

Oh the things that our kids say. I’m afraid for the future…deathly afraid.

I say, as long as they say it inside the walls of my house…its all good. I just pray they never say these atrocities to me out in public. Of course, her little sister who is now 4, told me that if I don’t lose some weight she will just start telling people that I have a baby in my stomach. Maybe it’s the age. Beware those damn honest 4 year olds:)

That was kind of breaking my heart, until the dad and dog bit. Now I’m laughing! Out of the mouths of babes…

The funny thing is..she really said that..at 4! I was in shock that she was calling me “fat” but I was crying laughing about her throwing Daddy under the bus with the dog:) That kid knows where her bread is buttered:)LOL

Also, that picture CREEPS ME OUT.

Amy, that picture is real and we don;t know what it is because nothing was actually there. Nothing has ever bothered us the only weird thing that ha happened is a couple times the lights turned on by themselves in the middle of the night but I’m sure I can reason that away…if I try hard enough:)

Oh dear God. Does this stuff really happen with kids?! My hubby and I are planning on trying for our first child, soon. Just today, I read a blog post by another mom who’s child can’t poop. The kids waits for almost a week, refusing to shit, and then takes a huge dump on the kitchen floor. Five year old. Now I come here, and encounter a 4-year old fat whisperer. All I can say is–I really hope I can handle “The TRUTH about Motherhood!” when I experience it for myself!!

But you have to remember for every crazy overly honest thing they do…they do so many amazing things and if it helps..she still to this day ( she’s now 6) tells me how beautiful I am and , in her eyes, I am. Don’t be afraid. Of course, I would be a bit upset if my 5 year old shit on the floor because that kind of shit shouldn’t be happening. I suggest some KAro syrup( 1 tsp) daily and a high fiber diet and that kid will be going on the regular just like all the normal kids:)LOL

Oh my…I’m not ready for this type of honesty.

And that photo…what the heck!?! It looks like the ghost of an old Paul Newman is coming to get us.

No idea what that blue thing is, it just appeared in the photo when I took it of my 2 year old. I’m not sure I want to know,as long as it doesn’t bother me..I won’t bother it:)
As for the honesty, yes it was that type of brutal honesty that you don’t know if you should laugh or cry. I chose to laugh:) Especially when she threw Daddy and the dog under the bus!

oh…my…ohmigoodness, I am laughing and wiping tears away. I’m not sure what to say. Except that this post is awesome, I found you at Scary Mommy, and what the hell is that blue scary face in the photo? Thanks. Awesome.

welcome and thank you! I am glad I made you laugh. The blue scary face is…we don;t know what it is. It just appeared in the photo. It creeped the hell out of me , that’s for sure because there was no actual person there, nor was there any photoshop done to it plus this was shot while aiming towards the floor at a 2 year old. This could be part of the reason we are selling the house:) I don;t like uninvited guests. Plus, the face was not nearly as creepy as the bedroom lights coming on by themselves in the middle of the night.

Hi Debi,
Ever since I gained a few pounds (ok, a lot of pounds), my youngest son has been my fat whisperer, asking me why can’t I be like before when I was still thin.
He doesn’t want me to visit him in school anymore because his classmates, teachers, and the other moms may see me and tease him.
So heartbreaking that I’m not the apple of his eyes anymore. I really should go on that oatmeal diet.
That was funny about Daddy and the dog. It’s amazing the things they pick up.
Thanks for sharing. Have a nice day!

Oh I haven’t laughed that hard in a while. It brings to mind the “Yeah, I’m fat but I can get thinner. You’re just stupid.” I’m sure I’m mis-quoting that horribly.
Wonderful post. My little one is too young to start this kind of thing, but I know it’s forthcoming, and forewarned is forearmed. 😉

You’re just stupid.” I’m sure I’m mis-quoting that horribly. That was funny about Daddy and the dog.

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