Tampons, Treatises and the Toddlerish set

Have you heard the one about the box of disappearing tampons? Can you explain it to me?

*TMI alert! Tampons

My girls do everything with me. With the Big Guy out of town, the attachment parenting has been taken to an entirely different level. I want boundaries. I want to wax my lip in private. I want to change a freaking tampon without having to make it seem like a magic trick where no one sees anything.Oohhh, its an illusion. My littlest once caught a glimpse of something and gasped and almost fainted because apparently she thought I had cut myself and was bleeding out.I went with it. Yes, Mommy has a booboo. I’m OK, I just have to use one of my special Mommy band aids. So, the girls KNOW that those are Mommy’s special band aids.

Imagine my surprise when I went to find one of my “special” band aids and NONE were to be found. I was getting flashbacks of the missing toothpaste incident. Oh wait, I know..look in the garbage. Remember where I found the girl’s missing hair? There they were… an entire boxes worth of applicators. APPLICATORS!!! Where were the cotton balls attached to string? Nowhere to be found that is where. What was going through their mind when they did this? Are they anti Tampon? Pro Diva Cup? Trying desperately to save me from a gnarly case of Toxic Shock Syndrome?

Tampons and Treatises

I interrogated those two littles for almost 2 hours. There was a lot of ” I didn’t do it”s, “Ask her”s and “I don’t know Mommy” followed by tears, hyperventilating and finger pointing. But still NO FREAKING COTTON. Those kids are unbreakable! They should bypass kindergarten and go straight to the CIA. Let’s be honest, I’m not married to David Blaine or David Copperfied and I sure as hell don’t think that Tampax can evaporate. So, as I sit there bewildered with my Diva Cup in hand wondering where the hell all the cotton in my house has gone to, I go for the last ditch effort to get myself an answer.

“Tell me where the cotton balls are Abbi?”

Abbi,”The Ones with the strings”

“yes!”

“Uhhm, Me no know!”

“Tell me or I’m taking away your tv for a week”

“Mommy, how long is a week?”

“7 days!”

“One, two, three, ….seven. Me can do that!” and with that she skipped off into the sunset.

I just hope the next person who comes to my house for a showing doesn’t open a closet or drawer and get attacked by an army of zombie Tampax tampons wondering the world aimlessly searching for their applicator counterparts.

Tampons, Treatises and the Toddlerish Set

Comments (16)

Hahaha! One day Ben got a plastic applicator out of the trash and was blowing it like a horn. Nooooooo!

Girl, I bet you just about died:) If ever there was a time to wash that boys mouth out with soap! But don’t feel bad, when my youngest was very small…she had poop in her mouth. She survived. Ok, we will never speak of this again! excuse me while I LMAO. I can;t believe we still kiss these kids:) XO

LOL. The other day Jackie gave Natalia the applicator to play with and when Frank got home he had no idea what it was and started looking through it like a mini telescope! HAHA!! Natalia played with that thing ALL DAY! I should have taken pictures of that special moment when her father sat to play with her and her “Toys” lol.

Well, thank God my cousin didn’t stick it in his mouth and blow it like a kazoo playing a little diddy called “El Rey” !Bwahahaha! I’m going to call Frankie boca de sangre:)J/K ….I will NEVER speak of this again. I know how sensitive the Cruz men are:) Love you! XO

Haha. This reminds me of a story my mom told me. When I was 3 she was dating my step-dad. She was getting ready and the doorbell rang, it was my step-dad picking her up. She answered and as the both turned to look at me I had taken a whole box of panty liners and stuck them on the wall.

My oldest has taken them and pulled them apart, luckily I’ve always been able to find them.

BWAHAHA!Can you just imagine the look on your Moms face? I bet it was priceless. At least you didn’t hide them .I just envision a giant wad of cotton attacking a prospective buyer. That’ll sell the house,Im sure of it:)

LOL!

I had to have the talk about “Aunt Flo” and not playing with Mommy’s Tampons with Isabella when she was 3. Fortunately, I haven’t had to have the “talk” with Dominick. Though, both kids cracked up when I stuck a tampon up Mike’s nose to help the bleeding.

Carmen, You are going to confuse the hell out of those kids sticking Mommy’s special booboo band aids up Mike’s nose.LOL! How are you doing mama? When’s that beautiful #3 making its arrival into the world? XO

JDaniel would think the same thing!

My son tried to put the potty on his head. He also tried to eat a Band-Aid which he had pulled off his thigh (from a vaccine shot).

Kids!!

what? DOnt all kids try to eat band aids and scabs?LOL EWWW< kids are so gross:)

Oh my goodness! I’m expecting my first in October, and I’ve been hearing stories from my mommy friends about the various surprising things their toddlers get into, but I’ve never heard anything like this! Thanks for the laugh! You’ll have to do another post and let us know if you ever find out where they went.

Something tells me I’m in for the ride of my life here.

PS – Love the explanation of tampons as special mommy band-aids.

You will see how very creative you will become when you have the little one. you will become a master of the on the spot explanation:)

Oh man I went thru the same with the stepdaughter. I caught her trying to test it out. And once even diggig the trash to find a used one. So gross!!!

OMG!I would have freaked the heck out!Yikes. Hopefully, she didn’t find one:)

[…] ninja-like tampon changing skills. They know that sometimes mommy gets a “booboo”. They think a tampon is like a Band-Aid for your vagina and they are sort of right. But they are getting older and we just had the conversation in May […]

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