Tag:

beauty

Gray Away, hair coloring, covering gray hair

Disclosure: This post is sponsored by Everpro Gray Away. All of the thoughts and opinions are mine alone.

Do you have gray hair? I know, none of us like to talk about it. It’s embarrassing. The thing is graying hair is natural and for some genetics dictates when you’ll go gray and it can be before your dirty 30 celebrations. Gray hair does not discriminate.

I have several friends who’ve decided they were just going to let their hair go naturally into that gray night. Not me. I hate to admit it but I’m a little vain. And what’s wrong with caring about what you look like anyway? Nothing!

My husband’s hair is doing the salt and pepper thing and it looks good, to me. I think he looks distinguished. Of course, our daughters are begging him to dye it because they said it makes him look old. I say whatever makes him happy.

What makes me happy is not having gray hair. I got my first gray hair when I turned 30. In fact, I believe it was some cruel birthday gift that year. I promptly plucked it. Then, when we had Bella, I got another one. When we had Gabs, I got one more. I told the Big Guy, I had one for each of them. I could deal with that. Like battle scars, I wore them proudly. I ‘m just kidding, I plucked them every single time they came back.

Gray Away, hair coloring, covering gray hair

Then one day, the gray hairs decided it was time to have a party on my head. At first, it was a small gathering. I would pluck them. But now, it’s a full-out rave on my temples. And I don’t look distinguished at all but rather I look like Grandpa Munster and if I try to pluck all of these, I will surely be baldheaded. I know I can’t pull that look off plus….hello, vain!

I comb my hair so that you don’t really see it. Sure, it’s like a bad woman comb-over but it hides the grays. I’m keeping these grays on the down low. Have your rave but everybody doesn’t need to know about the gray party taking place on my head.

Then, I gave up and started coloring it but guess what? Grays come back really fast. It’s like they are color resistant.

So what did I do? Desperate times, desperate measures my friends. I started using my mascara on the temples. It does the trick. Only there is one problem. I have wavy/curly hair and after you style your hair and then try to mascara your temples so you actually don’t look as old as your Grandmother, you will quickly realize that the hair that you put mascara on dries hard and straight. So you have all of these straight black hair sticking out of your head and you look like you should probably be institutionalized and to be honest, I’m trying to fly under the radar to that end.

I knew there had to be something better. I mean, we live in the 21st century. We can alter our entire physical being. We can stop the aging process. You’re telling me we can’t hide a few grays? Come one, get outta here. My mama always said where there’s a will there is a way. I had to find a way.

I found Gray Away. I tried Everpro Gray Away Root Touch-Up Magnetic Powder but it also comes in a root concealer spray. But me and an aerosol can could get ugly so, I opted for the magnetic powder. Sounds simple right? Too simple. But it works. Watch!

 

Voila! That gray party is hidden in plain sight. They get to party on. I get to not look like Grandpa Munster and we all keep our cool.

Do you have issues keeping the gray hairs at bay? Are they making you look older than you are? Ready to get rid of them without spending all of your time and money at the salon? Want to know more? You can get the complete scoop at GrayAway.com  and Gray Away is available at your favorite retailers including Walgreens!

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calavera, beauty, day of the dead, make up tutorial, dia de los muertos, day of the dead makeup

Do you celebrate Day of the Dead, also known as, Dia de Los Muertos? Always wanted to dress up but had no idea where to start? Well, I’ve got the perfect and easy Day of the Dead make-up tutorial? Celebrating Day of the Dead will never be easier than with my Dia de los Muertos make-up tutorial.

We celebrate it as one of our culture’s most sacred traditions. One of our favorite things to do besides building our altar to honor our dead is I to dress up as La Calavera Catrina. All the makings of the perfect DIY Day of the Dead, Dia de Los Muertos Costume, was in my closet.

Halloween and Day of the Dead are right around the corner. Every year at this time we start trying to figure out what our Halloween costumes are going to be and what our costumes for the annual Zombie walk might be. Yes, we’re that family. As they say, a family that costumes together stays together.

This year I went Day of the Dead, Dia de Los Muertos, makeup for the zombie walk.

While the Big Guy and our girls are getting their zombie on, I prefer to dress up as la Calavera Catrina, more universally recognized as the Day of the Dead Doll.  Dia de lo Muertos royalty.

READ ALSO: How Disney’s Coco got Mexican Culture Right

I love the vibrant colors and the fact that I get to share my Latino culture with my daughters in such a big, beautiful way. I stick out like a flower among weeds with my make-up compared to all the zombies. Believe it or not, it’s pretty easy and it’s perfect for adults and kids.

The hard part is getting the make-up off but with a quick trip to WalMart, I can pick up a package of Neutrogena Makeup Remover Cleansing Towelettes and removal is easy peasy.

Here are step-by-step instructions on how to get your very own Day of the Dead look with this Dia De Los Muertos Make-Up Tutorial:

 beauty, day of the dead, make up tutorial, dia de los muertos, day of the dead makeup

  1. First, begin by spreading an even layer of the Clown White make-up all over the entire face, except the eye sockets, with a sponge, and set with powder. It is important to set the color with the powder, because the black lines and color on top may get smudged unless you place a barrier in between.

beauty, day of the dead, make up tutorial, dia de los muertos, day of the dead makeup

2.  Next, sculpt the perimeter of the eye sockets with black liquid eyeliner, it allows you be more precise with your lines. Then intensify the area by blending a matte black shadow in the same hue over the top of the entire eyelid and filling in.

beauty, day of the dead, make up tutorial, dia de los muertos, day of the dead

3.  For detailing, I used a black liquid liner with a precise tip, and drew an upside-down heart on the nose, two rows of scalloping, connected by a circular motion, that surrounded the eyes and the two small circles on either side of my cheekbones. Mark out seven lines in a V-shape on your forehead. I made a jewel in the middle of mine. Connect the lines with curved shapes to create a spider weUse the same liquid liner to draw the two lines on your cheeks and draw a rose on your chin.

READ ALSO: How to Celebrate Dia de Los Muertos

4.  Use a color wheel of your choice to fill in the scalloping around your eyes, your jewel and any other designs on your face that need color. I set the color with more translucent powder, not too much, just enough to keep the color from running.

beauty, day of the dead, make up tutorial, dia de los muertos, day of the dead

5.  Moving on to the lips, I wanted red lips so I used my red lipstick to draw in my lips. Then with the black liquid eyeliner, I drew in the intersecting lines across my lips. I let all lines dry well and then went over with liquid eyeliner again.

beauty, day of the dead, make up tutorial, dia de los muertos, day of the dead

6.  With the liquid liner, add a few dotted details over the face, and a flower on your chin. Touch up individual areas with the color palette of your choice as needed, and after a few coats of mascara.

calavera, beauty, day of the dead, make up tutorial, dia de los muertos, day of the dead

 

After showing off your gorgeous la Calavera Catrina Dia de Los Muertos makeup on day of the dead or Halloween, you can easily remove it using Neutrogena Makeup remover cleansing towelettes. It will effectively dissolve all traces of dirt, oil and, most importantly, makeup, even the waterproof mascara that you used to make your Calavera eyes pop. The cloths are ultra-soft and gentle with superior cleansing technology that is clinically proven to easily remove 99.3% of the most stubborn Halloween makeup. One step and you have clean skin with no residue.

calavera, beauty, day of the dead, make up tutorial, dia de los muertos, day of the dead, day of the dead make-up tutorial, dia de los muertos make-up tutorial

What are you dressing as this Halloween, Day of the Dead or Dia de los Muertos?

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Every wonder how to look younger longer? I’ve been spending a lot of time traveling to sunnier climates this summer, which is awesome because the weather in the Midwest has been lukewarm on most days. I like all four seasons and this rainy, snowy, lukewarm with rain season stuff is not working for me so I travel to hot weather and sunshine every chance I get. However, being that I am not 17-years-old anymore and just as I know that gravity is my mortal enemy, I also know that the sun can take it’s toll on my skin. You better believe there is a price to be paid for that sun kissed look and it’s high.

I have a friend who is a dermatologist and I once asked her over Sangria, friend to friend, “ What’s the best brand to use to fight wrinkles and the affects of aging?” I expected recommendations for Botox and microdermabrasion STAT but instead she came in close and whispered, “Olay.”

My reaction was,” WHAT? The stuff my mom uses?” Yep, the exact same. I was completely ready to save up and spend the big bucks because after all, I need to do all the preventative care I can because I decided a long time ago that I am too chicken for a facelift so I need to work now to keep it from falling in the first place.

I kept thinking maybe she was pulling my leg because could it really be that simple? I should have just listened to my mom from the beginning? No way, life could not be this easy. The fountain of youth could certainly not have been hiding all these years in plain sight.

Well as a wise woman, my mom, once told me, “It’s better to be safe than sorry!” So, I went to my local Walmart and bought a few beauty goodies. I figured if I was going to try it out, I might as well go where I could get the most bang for my buck.

I picked up a couple Olay® Ultra Moisture Beauty Bars, Olay Regenerist® Micro-Sculpting Cream™, Olay® Regenerist Luminous Tone Perfecting Cream and CoverGirl Perfect Point Plus Eyeliner pencil combo. I bought all the Olay products because I wanted to test her theory and I have to say, I think I’ve seen a difference over the past few weeks.

I mean, I don’t suddenly look 25 again but I think I look pretty spry and vibrant for a 42-year-old and without Botox, I’d say that’s a win. Not that I have anything against Botox, I just like having a face with expression. I’m a hand talker and if my face didn’t react, I’m pretty sure that I might frighten small children. So thank you to my friend for sharing her beauty secret and protecting the little people of my town.

What’s your favorite beauty tip or trick to look younger longer? Share it in the comments and one lucky reader will be randomly selected to win a $25 gift card to Wal-Mart to purchase your own Olay or Cover Girl favorites. Winner will be selected July 30, 2015.

 

 

 

Disclosure: I was provided Wal-Mart gift cards by P&G to purchase product but all opinions are my own. 

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Neutrogena, #ChooseSkinHealth, skin health, woman, pool
This is a compensated campaign in collaboration with NEUTROGENA® and Latina Bloggers Connect but all opinions are my own.

The weather has been beautiful lately. All these blue skies, sunshine and warm weather will soon give way to lazy days spent lounging by the pool. These are my favorite but it also brings with it my alter ego, the freckled Mexican. Yep, I’m an anomaly. I love to be tanned but with it come my 1 million freckles. I think they are adorable spread across the bridge of my 7-year-old’s nose but not so much on my own face.

I want to avoid the congregation of freckles and stave off any brown spots, so I have started wearing sunscreen like it’s my job and lots of big floppy hats and giant sunglasses when I’m down at the pool. Seriously, people probably think I’m some sort of celebrity. If it weren’t for all of my pack mule antics of carrying all of our own sunscreen, snacks and towels I’m convinced people would mistake me for Sara Ramirez more often.

I’m Latina so I will never have lily-white alabaster skin, nor do I want it, but I would like to have a nice, even olive complexion and more importantly, I do not want skin cancer. Do you know that skin cancer is the number one of preventable cancers? Melanoma scares me. It’s right behind breast cancer on my list of cancers that I obsessively fear.

Let’s face it; my breasts didn’t work for breastfeeding so I’ve convinced myself they are out to get me. Just like my freckles, I see them appear and my mind instantly jumps to the elderly gentleman that used to come into the store I worked at, missing half of his nose because of skin cancer.

Tanned skin is beautiful but you have to be safe and protect it if you want to avoid cancer and wrinkles. Don’t even get me started on wrinkles. The older I get the more I feel like Dracula in the sunlight but instead of disintegrating or bursting into flames, crows feet and laugh lines are slowly, creeping in. So now instead of just moisturizing, I’ve been using sunscreen all the time.

NEUTROGENA® Ultra Sheer sunscreen offers superior sun protection and skincare benefits in one elegant formulation. NEUTROGENA’s Dry-Touch technology instantly absorbs excess oils and leaves skin feeling soft, clean and fresh—never greasy or ghostly white. What’s more, the sunscreen is non-comedogenic and water and sweat-resistant, so it won’t clog pores and run into eyes, it’s perfect for wearing every day.

Neutrogena, #ChooseSkinHealth,  skin health, woman, pool

The Wet Skin is a revolutionary line of sunscreens that are specifically designed to adhere to and protect wet skin, dampened by swimming, sweating or humid weather. It’s perfect for long days at the pool or when working out. I like to take long walks around the neighborhood when it’s nice out and Neutrogena makes sure the entire family is protected, especially my daughters who do happen to have the lily-white alabaster skin.

Keeping your skin healthy is more important now than ever. You protect your children’s skin from the harsh effects of the sun; now do the same for yourself. Your kids need you around. I want to be around for my grandchildren someday, preferably with my entire face in tact.

Neutrogena, #ChooseSkinHealth,  skin health

If you’d like to find out more about how to protect your skin, please join us at our NEUTROGENA® #ChooseSkinHealth Twitter Party on May 19th at 7-8PM EST / 4-5PM PST.

Choose you this summer. How are you choosing skin health?

This is sponsored post in collaboration with Neutrogena® and Latina Bloggers Connect. However, all opinions expressed are my own.

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Easy Fishtail Hairstyle Tutorial & the Secret to No More Tangles

Attention: Moms of girls, in collaboration with JOHNSON’S® NO MORE TANGLES® and Latina Bloggers Connect I’m bringing you this very important PSA today about how to brush your little girls hair without losing your mind or causing a family war. Yes, there is such a thing.

Have you ever spent an hour in the morning brushing through chlorinated bed head? No? Let me start by saying that every time our little girls get their hair wet this summer, it becomes more susceptible to sun damage.  This makes hair brushing a circle of hell that not even Dante was willing to mention for fear that uttering the words may doom him to eternal damnation with a 7-year-old with a tender head. Ay Caray!

There has to be a better way. My 7-year-old daughter gets mad and starts crying all because I try to brush her hair. I just want to stop the kid going out into the world looking like la llorona. Either I take them to the neighborhood pool and they develop this awful, straw like dried out hair that is impenetrable by a comb or we don’t go swimming and I’m crowned the meanest mom in the world. Decisions, decisions!

So anything that helps alleviate that morning tension between the girls and I is all good with me. I want my girls to remember their childhood summers with fond memories of sleeping in, lazy days spent playing in backyard tents, bike riding, road trips and sweet memories of their mommy brushing their hair as we have long talks about life, not that I pulled their hair and made them cry. So we tried out JOHNSON’S® NO MORE TANGLES® easy step-by-step hair regimen to help keep their hair nourished, beautiful and healthy-looking.

 

  • Step 1 Cleanse: JOHNSON’S® NO MORE TANGLES® Shampoo and Conditioner
  • Step 2 Nourish: JOHNSON’S® NO MORE TANGLES® Leave-In Conditioner
  • Step 3 Style: JOHNSON’S® NO MORE TANGLES® Detangling Spray

Then, I styled her hair as usual into a cute, messy side fishtail.

Johnson and johnsons, no more tangles, hair care, #NoMoreTangles

Johnson and johnsons, no more tangles, hair care, #NoMoreTangles Johnson and johnsons, no more tangles, hair care, #NoMoreTanglesJohnson and johnsons, no more tangles, hair care, #NoMoreTangles

Johnson and johnsons, no more tangles, hair care, #NoMoreTanglesJohnson and johnsons, no more tangles, hair care, #NoMoreTanglesJohnson and johnsons, no more tangles, hair care

Then, we went on with our day of shopping, bike riding and jumping on the trampoline. The best part of this hairstyle is that it looks great on little girls of any age (including me) and even after a day of activity, her hair only looks better because it is made to look messy. Best summer hairstyle ever.

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do you like you, self-image, beauty, self-esteem

When you’re all alone by yourself, do you like you? Do you?

I never thought of it before. You see, as much as I hate to admit it, I’ve spent all of my life trying to look and be and sound and appear a certain way. Even when I say that I don’t care. I care. We all do. We are all just a little bit vain and as much as we wish it didn’t, other people’s opinions matter when it’s personal.

Do you like you?

If you see me on most days of the week, I have no make up on. None at all. I wear it when I go out at night or if I know I’m going to be photographed, but I’m not one of those women who won’t leave the house until she puts her “face on”. But I care. I take pride in my appearance because it’s sort of like having a clean house, no one wants to live in filth but sometimes we just don’t have time to fold all the laundry, scrub the floors and dust the light fixtures because other things take precedence like loving on little ones and impromptu dance parties and trips to the zoo on sunny days.

But sometimes we forget that because it seems like everyone else has their shit together. But really, none of us have all of our stuff together. If you look behind the curtain you’ll see that the woman who has an amazing career may have a marriage that is crumbling, the lady who looks like a model in her clothes has an eating disorder that she can’t quit,  the mom with all the patience in the world has a house that looks like it was hit by a tornado and the mom who you hear yelling through her open window at the dog is because she’s dealing with a 3-year-old newly diagnosed with pediatric leukemia. We just never know. So stop measuring yourself by someone else’s success; by someone else’s anything.

You don’t have to try so hard
You don’t have to give it all away

You don’t have to bed until you break

You just have to get up
You don’t have to change a single thing

So they like you, do YOU like you?

When you’re all alone by yourself do you like you?

Take your make-up off
Let your hair down
Take a breath
Look into the mirror at yourself
Don’t you like you?
Cause I like you

~Colbie Caillat

 

The point is this, don’t waste your life trying to fit someone else’s mold. You are unique and at your most beautiful and sexy when you are yourself. I speak from experience, I’ve spent a lot of years being unhappy with what I have, wanting more, better, different. I’ve envied others for their ease and grace, their beauty, success but I don’t know their story, it all could have been hard fought and not easy at all.

I learned the hard way, or maybe I should say I am completely blessed to finally have learned the lesson that I am my harshest critic. Those who love me, the Big Guy, my family, my daughters, my amazing friends, they see me.They see the real me and they think I am beautiful, even when I feel ugly and that has to count for something. They see my soul. They see my heart. They see my strength. The same way that I see theirs. In fact, I am regularly astonished by how beautiful the people around me are. They are giving, caring, loving and understanding and it’s taken me half a lifetime to realize this. So, who are we trying to be perfect for if those whose opinion holds any weight already think we are perfect? Just be you and be happy. Do what makes YOU happy.

I just want to remind you that you are the most beautiful you there is. You don’t know how beautiful you are. But I see you.

The bigger question that we all must ask ourselves is this…

when you’re all alone by yourself, do you like you?

 

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Weight Watchers, weight loss,weightloss, weight, body issues, health

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Weight Watchers, weight loss,weightloss, weight, body issues, health

Size 8, 12, and 14

I joined Weight Watchers on Friday the 13th~ I was inspired by my good friend, Lori of @mommyfriend. Her honesty and bravery have given me the strength to finally be honest with you about my biggest fear. My weight. I have been terrified of the the scale all of my adult life. More petrifying was that someone, anyone, would find out the number on the scale. Even though I may look overweight (as you can plainly see) I’ve become accustomed to pushing, pulling, nipping, tucking, spanxing and hiding the “fluff”. It’s amazing the power of a shaper these days. Those suckers must be made of of some super strength material from the planet Krypton. But when you remove the spanx, the fluff remains, no matter what angel you try to position yourself. Suck in, lay down, to the right, to the left; no matter what…it’s still there.

Weight is more than a Number on the Scale

I’ve done Weight Watchers once before. I lost 25 pounds, which sounds like a lot but I had a lot more to lose. Then life happened, as it always does, and we moved half way across the country. I missed my Weight Watchers group. I missed the support. I tried other meetings. I tried a couple different places. But it wasn’t the same. I wasn’t the same. My state of mind wasn’t the same. I was stressed and irritable. I turned to my old friend for comfort, and I gained the 25 pounds I had lost plus another 11. I was the heaviest I had ever been in my entire life and I felt miserable. I feel miserable.

I felt fat. I felt slovenly. I felt ugly. I felt out of control. I wanted to hide from the world. I started avoiding social situations out of fear of the audible gasp at the gain. Or worse, the disappointment in people’s eyes from gaining back what I had worked so hard to lose. I felt like a failure. I don’t do well with failure. I am the person who succeeds at whatever she sets her mind to so gaining this weight was a giant failure. A black mark on my very soul. Don’t get me wrong. I’ve never stopped trying to lose weight, but it’s not been the priority lately ( back went out, severely sprained my ankle, and holidays). Complaining seems to have been a lot easier.

I spiraled deeper and deeper into my black hole. I felt as if I were smothering beneath the weight of the guilt, the sadness, the grief of not having more control over my health, my body, my life.

I am more than my weight

I have started this journey so many times that it makes my head spin to think about it. I feel like the little boy who cried wolf, but instead I’m the woman who cried diet. No one believes it anymore. Have you done this? Broad sweeping declarations , “Tomorrow will be the first day of the rest of my life. I WILL LOSE THE WEIGHT!” The problem is, even I stopped believing it was possible. Then lately, people and inspiration have been put into my life to prove that it is possible.

I know some of you know exactly what I mean. Some of you don’t have to because you are naturally thin and to you I say, “I am so freaking jealous and I hope you never know the misery of having to lose weight.”

Last week, I joined Weight Watchers. Last week, I weighed myself, Friday the 13th, 2012, and I weighed 243 pounds. ( I will pause while you pick yourself back up off of the floor). No, I am not 8 foot tall. I am 5’7″. I am very overweight. I wear a size 18 pants. I am not telling you this because I am proud. In fact, not even my closest friends or sisters know my actual weight. I am sharing this with you because I REFUSE to be a slave of that number anymore. I will no longer hide in the shadows of life because of the number on the scale. It has never defined me but it has kept me from broadening my definition lately. No.MORE! In my first week I lost 5.8 pounds.I am very proud of that small accomplishment of losing that weight.

I’m telling you now because I am encouraging all of you to stop defining yourself by the fucking number on the scale. You are a bigger and better than that. Your value is not in the size of your pants. By telling you my number, I have taken away it’s power over me. It’s not a secret anymore. I AM changing that number. It might take me months, or even years, but I’m not stopping. I can’t. Not this time. This time it’s personal. I want to be healthy to be around to play with my children, dance at their weddings with the Big Guy and chase my children’s children around. I want to be able to dance my ass off on my 40th birthday this September in something cute and short; not the size of a toddler bed sheet.

I don’t know what’s lit this fire under my ass and compelled me to be so freaking honest with you, maybe it’s the new sassy hair cut or maybe I am simply tired of trying to hide my weight from the world. I am more than just a number on a scale. I am all kinds of awesome but I do want to change the packaging. I want to be as proud of the packaging as I am of the gift inside. I hope my honesty inspires you to free yourself from the weight of your world and face your fears; whether it be a number on the scale, an unrealized dream or anything that brings down the happiness quotient in your life. What is the greatest weight in your life? Will you join me in freeing yourself from the weight in your world?

Weight, you have no power over me

 

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hair fashion, hair, hairstyle, haircut

Hair, Fashion Haul Friday, Fashion Friday, Fashion Hair

Fashion and Hair ~This week’s fashion Friday is all about the hair. Sure, it’s nice to have a hot outfit on but the hair is truly the glue that ties it all together. Shit hair with a hot outfit can destroy the whole thing. If you think I’m exaggerating, try a ponytail with a hot red dress.Not sexy, just sad. Maybe the look could be pulled off with one of those loose and sexy ponys. You know the I just fornicated ponytail that looks like someone just tried to rip it off your head in the heat of the moment as you rolled around in bed. Yeah, that one is sexy. The one we throw our hair into when we drop the kids off in our pajamas…not so much.

fashion, hair, hair makeover, haircuts, hairstyles

My Hair on my Birthday, Fall of 2010

Long, shiny and layered has always been my preferred hairstyle. All boys like long hair, right? Long hair is sexy. Men love to run their fingers through long hair. Isn’t this in the handbook for tween girls somewhere?

I felt pretty with all that long, flowing hair. When I wore it big and curly, I felt even more sexy. But then sometime in the last 6 years, not coincidentally around the same time I became a Mommy, all that beautiful hair spent 97% of the time in a ponytail. What am I, 6?

Sure on special occasions, I fixed it and most of the time it looked awesome. But I have naturally curly hair and a LOT of it, and it’s strong willed and stubborn (consider the head it’s attached to) and has a mind of its own sometimes. So some days it would look great and other days it looked like I had gotten into a wrestling match with my hair…and I clearly lost.

Then all that ponytailing made my hair start to break off, couple that with stress making it fall out. There you have me, forehead turning into a fivehead and my tub looking like kittens were trying to escape down the drain each time I shower. Pssst, I’m pretty sure all that hair boycotting my head decided to be political and occupy my floor. Then this fall, this started happening….

Hair, Fashion Haul Friday, Fashion Friday, Fashion Hair

My hair in the fall 2011, a bit matronly and unruly.

The hair completely boycotted ME! Sure, it doesn’t look awful but this was a good day. This was no ponytail.But NO CONTROL. Any other day of the week, I can assure you that I was wearing yoga pants, a t-shirt, and a ponytail. It made me feel ugly. It made me want to be invisible. My hair had always been a source of beauty on me. We all have them, parts and pieces of who we are that we love and adore. For me they were as follows, in no particular order; intelligence, humor, hair, eyes, teeth, boobs and legs and a good fashion sense. But everything else had to come first and I devolved into someone who couldn’t project self confidence and worth if she felt ugly and sub par.

They say that every great change throughout history has started with a very small step. Yesterday, I took that step.

hair fashion, hair, hairstyle, haircut

My Hair Today

I haven’t had a haircut in over 6 months and not a decent stylist since before Abbi was born ( she’s 4).  I’ve been band aiding my soul with just getting by. Meantime, my self confidence has been being chipped away at an alarming rate. I made up my mind, I bought a hairstyle magazine, found the one I liked, asked siri for the top stylist in town and voila…new amazing stylist. She was intuitive and receptive to me and what I wanted but reminded me of what I needed. This is the cut I decided on. We cut off 8 inches of my hair yesterday in that Aveda Salon and sent it away to Lockes of Love ( a charity very close to my heart because of my nephew who suffered from leukemia .)

I left the salon feeling lighter, not only freed from the weight of the hair that had been cut off but of the weight of having to figure out what to do with said hair. My hair is currently too short to pull into a pony. I chose this hairstyle because it forces me to fix my hair and form a new habit. I am not exaggerating when I tell you that with this new cut, color and style; I don’t feel like just these precious little angels Mom. I feel like a woman again. I feel feisty, sassy and ,dare I say it, even sexy.My husband absolutely adores it and hasn’t been able to keep his hands off the back, as it is shorter and textured. He told me that he was afraid to put his hands in my long hair for fear of messing it up or getting tangled up in it.

I just want to tell all of you beautiful ladies, who have been wanting to change your hair, the color, the length, or drastically cut it shorter; GO FOR IT! It was so liberating. I feel like there’s nothing I can’t do. I feel like when I go out and people are staring at me, they are staring at how hot my hair is. It just screams run your fingers through my hair. Unlike before, they were staring and thinking to themselves, poor girl really needs to run a brush through that nest.

This haircut was like going to college, it totally liberated me from being who I allowed myself to be preconceived as. I’m happy, I am optimistic, I am sexy, I am Sassy, and I am feisty and loud about the whole thing! What a difference a hair can make.

Don’t forget the giveaway for the Karen Kane $100 GC is still open until next Friday. Please see here for direction and how to enter via. Raffle-copter. My new hair looks stunning with my Karen Kane vest, a long t and  well-fitting, good pair of jeans.

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Disfigured

Disfigured~ to impair (as in beauty) by deep and persistent injuries (real or imagined).

Disfigured

Recently, I watched a movie on Netflix called Disfigured. Disfigured was about two women, one who was severely overweight and the other anorexic. Disfigured began with a group of overweight women sitting in a circle at a meeting for a group for “fat acceptance”. This blew my mind.

Disfigured Body

As many of you are aware I have a history with eating disorders and it’s always been a battle for me to accept the skin I am in. I’m not sure that I’ve ever truly been comfortable in my own skin, it’s been more a range of tolerance. There has been times when I could tolerate the body that I live in more than others but I’ve never looked in the mirror and thought, this is good; I am happy with what I see. When I heard this group of women talking about acceptance, it was a foreign concept to me. In fact, it was so foreign that it was unbelievable.

I would love to believe that there are women out there who are overweight and are happy. Women who accept and embrace their curves. God, I hope there are. I hope there are actually women in the world who are comfortable in their own skin and love their bodies, every single inch of it.  I’m not one of them. I will probably never be one of them just because my way of looking at my body has been fucked up for so long and I have an actual diagnosis ( Body Dysmorphic Disorder) that prevents me from seeing myself as I really am. I feel disfigured at my core. I wish that I could just stop being the way I am. I’ve tried but something always creeps back in and plants a seed of doubt. Watching Disfigured was very uncomfortable for me. It’s hard to explain to you unless you’ve spent your life struggling to achieve an unattainable goal and I am sure some of you have. I feel like I have to creep up on happiness because if it sees me coming it darts off  in the opposite direction. It’s a moving target.

What transpired next was even more unbelievable to me, or believable or just too fucking relate-able. At this ” fat acceptance” group a recovering anorexic woman walked in and wanted to join the group. I completely understood this. While, I am no where near my former bulimic/anorexic self I remember well the feeling of making the choice to recover and having to face the feelings of shame, guilt, anxiety and disgust every single day that you eat normally. When you go from starving yourself, to eating anything at all, it is very uncomfortable. You feel like you are losing control and you feel shame that you can’t control yourself and you feel fat. Yes, fat. Even if you are bone thin and to everyone else you look like you need to gain weight. When you are in that part of recovery…you truly do need to learn fat acceptance.

Disfigured Soul

Of course, the anorexic walked in the room and the women who were moments earlier preaching acceptance, just as quickly threw her out. She was reaching out for help and they wouldn’t help her because she was too thin. I guess acceptance is a one way street. They wanted acceptance but only for themselves and only on their terms. This pissed me off. I have been on both sides of this spectrum and both are equally as hard, as dangerous, unhealthy and both leave you feeling ugly and disfigured.Unwanted.Unworthy of happiness. Both make you feel like you are weak. Both fill you with shame and cause your quality of life to suffer. The two main characters became an unlikey pair trying to help the other find acceptance of herself through accepting one another,even though they were one another’s biggest fear. They had everything in common even though their respective situations would lead you to believe otherwise. They both were uncomfortable in the skin they were in.

The identification with both characters had a very profound effect on me. It’s so hard to look at yourself when you are ashamed of what you see in the mirror, too fat or too skinny. It’s not physical at all, it’s all what your perception is of yourself. It’s hard to accept responsibility for making the choices that make you feel so worthless. Unhappiness with what I see in the mirror comes from putting conditions on my own happiness and hiding behind self imposed superficial limitations. The reason that I can’t be happy with my body is because I am hanging the success of my entire life on what I look like. How ridiculous is that? How has it taken me all this time to finally see what the obstacle truly is? It’s me. I need to get out of my own way.

I need to accept that I deserve all the happiness that the world has to offer. Not when I get the perfect body, the perfect life or only when what I see reflected back to me is acceptable by my impossible standards. I am good enough now! Right now. I have not thrown up or restricted my calories to dangerous levels in about 12 years but I’ve also not allowed myself to fully enjoy my journey. I have to learn to love and accept myself with the unconditional love that I have for others.

What stops you from reaching your bliss? Do you make your happiness conditional based on money? weight? your partner? your house? degrees of success? your child?  Why do we have to wait for tomorrow to enjoy our today? We have been misguided. We are not disfigured.

Disfigured Mind

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[fusion_builder_container hundred_percent=”yes” overflow=”visible”][fusion_builder_row][fusion_builder_column type=”1_1″ background_position=”left top” background_color=”” border_size=”” border_color=”” border_style=”solid” spacing=”yes” background_image=”” background_repeat=”no-repeat” padding=”” margin_top=”0px” margin_bottom=”0px” class=”” id=”” animation_type=”” animation_speed=”0.3″ animation_direction=”left” hide_on_mobile=”no” center_content=”no” min_height=”none”][youtube=https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LjhCEhWiKXk?fs=1]

I’m driving home from morning drop off and I hear this song on the radio for the first time. I was totally blown away. This is why…as women this is what we want long to hear the man we love say to us. This is what we dream of from the time we notice boys.To be amazing. To be seen as perfection…just the way we are. That’s the key…AS WE ARE! Problem is, we are never satisfied and constantly evolving.

This is the irony, the Big Guy always tells me that I look pretty and that I am sexy to him. He does, however, realize by now that what he thinks is important is not nearly as important as how I feel about myself or what I believe I look like. So, we spend our lives looking for validation from the men we love and even when they earnestly mean it and freely give it; we reject it. What will it take to satisfy our souls on this subject? I KNOW the Big Guy loves me. I KNOW the Big Guy finds me attractive but if I don’t feel it myself, its almost impossible to believe it truly.

I love this song because it gives me hope that one day I can believe and feel as amazing as the Big Guy believes me to be. By the way Big Guy, you are pretty effing amazing just the way you are too! I’m a lucky girl to have such a great man to share my life with..even if I hardly ever get to see you anymore.

Ladies, listen to this song. Let it fall on your ears like prayer, let it marinate for awhile. Drink it all in. And in the end, KNOW in your heart that this is how the man that loves you sees you. This is why he chose you! Remember it! Write it Down! Believe it! There’s Not a thing I would change. Cause Girl You’re Amazing JUST THE WAY YOU ARE!![/fusion_builder_column][/fusion_builder_row][/fusion_builder_container]

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