The last few days, life has been weighing on me like a ton of bricks. I’ve been somewhat of an emotional wreck.I’m feeling as if I am falling short..in every avenue.
I have become accustomed to the weight of the world pushing down on my shoulders like a spring about to be sprung at anytime. This I am used to but kept telling myself..”I” can do this. It’s only for a few more months. I can hold it together.If the Big Guy can go away to support his family, leave his home and his children..I can do this. I am afforded the luxury of staying in my own home with our little family by my side. Sure the silence after they go to bed is deafening and sometimes heartbreaking, but it is the least I can do.I owe it to ‘Us’ to be able to do this.Of course, I have my occasional breakdowns and find myself having a nice long, ugly cry over some seemingly innocuous incident. But then I move on and I am free of the pressure for a little while.
But I forgot about one vital piece of information…them. More important than can I do this, can they do this.
Bella had a terrible time last year when this all began.She had to leave her preschool with all her friends, her teacher, her life.Then when the Big Guy had to leave this past spring again, she was a wreck.He had to leave the day before her 5th birthday. An angry, displaced, overwhelmed little basket of nerves. I understood. I gave her some time and space. I was there with hugs and consolation. I was there overflowing with understanding and love.Always standing by with love. I never want them to feel a lack of love because of the lack of people around to give it. It broke my heart to watch her have to go through this at such a young age. To feel such misery and discombobulation is awful for anyone to experience. Eventually, the anger subsided. She grew up..too much and too fast because she was forced to accept the situation and learn to live with it.This breaks my heart to know that she has lost some of her innocence about the world because of money. I hate to see my children want for anything, especially when it is their Daddy, whom they really do hang the moon on.
There was one person who was silent through it all, my Gabs. Gabs is 3 and this situation with the Big Guy having to be gone, for work, has been going on since right around the time she turned 2.She was just a baby, really. So, I never considered how it would affect her. I don’t think I even put her into the equation because she was so small. However now, she is 3 and a half and she has found her voice.She notices everything and she has an opinion.The last 8 months have consisted of me being here with my girls trying to figure it all out, the Big Guy being gone, on his own,alone.It’s been Christmas Fridays and funeral Sunday nights left standing on the stoop, while watching through tear filled eyes as my girls run down the road waving bye to their Daddy;screaming “I love you” at the top of their lungs. It’s been Sunday nights filled with meltdowns of little girls missing their Daddy. Its been week nights of soothing little broken hearts calling out for their Daddy. It’s been hard all the way around. Lately, Gabs has been acting out.She cries for her Daddy almost nightly and she tells me on a regular basis that she hates me and quite frequently can be heard asking “You hate me, don’t you?” I know that she doesn’t hate me but lately her question has been cutting like a knife through my soul. She wants her Daddy and I am beginning to wonder if she doesn’t think I am punishing her by not being together. Does she think I have control of this situation? In her little mind, does she think I have willingly chosen to keep us all apart?
It’s almost too much for my heart to bear.The rock and the hard place that I am nestled between is this; Bella is finally comfortable in school ( after being yanked out of her school in Virginia last year) and has finally made friends after the alienation episode at the beginning of this semester. I feel like I owe it to her to make life as normal as possible. After all , she is the child and I am her parent so I need to sacrifice to do what is best for her. That has been the plan since we first pulled this nasty trick on her. The Big Guy and I agreed to sacrifice so that the kids could remain in their home, their city, until the end of the school year..to give them security and stability. It’s been incredibly difficult but it seemed to be what was best.
Now,little Gabs is begging me to move us to be with the Big Guy; crying nightly, angry, confused, melancholy and still so small. What do I do? How do I choose? One scenario I pull Bella out, once again, and she has to start over..yet again. That doesn’t seem fair. But then on the other hand, Gabs only wants to be with her father.Its such a simple request and a luxury that all children ,with two happily married people,should be afforded.But even this simple request, I can’t provide for the little people that I love more than life itself.This weighs heavily on my soul.Am I making the right choice? How can I choose one of my children’s happiness over the other? What are going to be the ramifications of these choices we are making today for our children down the line?Am I damaging my little ones?
So, here I sit alone in the quiet reevaluating every decision that I have made since the beginning of this entire situation.The last 24 hours have been a roller coaster of emotions. It started with goodbye on a Sunday night, the girls started crying and they wore down the armor around my heart.And I haven’t been able to regain my strength and stability, the weight of their little breaking hearts has knocked me off of my feet.Today has been a succession of crying over movies, tv shows, Gabs telling me that she hates me, and a bedtime reading of Love You Forever. I feel like a fragile ball of exposed nerves roaming free in the world. I am exhausted from the gravity of this whole ordeal. For now, I’ll pull my armor back on and regain my balance, for my girls. But I have to do some very serious soul searching. We think we are giving our children everything they could hope for but in the end, it boils down to what everything is to our children. For my girls, everything is a good night hug from their Daddy. It is priceless. How do I choose who deserves to be happiest? How do I tell one that their needs has to be put aside for the others?
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Nestled in between the Rock and the Hard place

Invisalign Straight Talk on Straight Teeth
How I wish Invisalign was a “thing” back in 1986.
I have partnered with Invisalign to share with you, my experience with braces. All experiences and opinions are my own. If you don’t have the perfect smile you want due to crooked or crowded teeth, or are troubled by a bite problem, hop over to this website. When I was in 8th grade, I got braces. To be exact, on the day of my 8th grade graduation, I got braces. Don’t feel sorry for me. I actually wanted them. All my friends had them and I could feel my teeth getting tight and starting to cross one another. At 13, I already knew beauty was pain and I knew that if I had to endure a couple years of being called “tin grin” and “trap jaw” by my little brother, it would all be worth it to avoid a lifetime of crooked teeth. So, I asked my parents for braces and I got them. If you’re looking for a dentist for dental implants or Invisalign treatment who will treat you with professionalism and respect, Universal Smiles has the top-rated dentist in Cypress TX and surrounding areas.
I wore them and my torturous rubber bands religiously for exactly one year and a half. The first thing my orthodontist gave me was tips for eating with braces. I had to make sure I ate all the right foods, always checked my teeth in the mirror, and if I missed these things: smiling without opening my mouth. It was trying. I’ve worn an expander and rubber bands every way possible and all of this happened in my freshman year of high school; the year that my freshman girls gym class shared the gym with the senior football players conditioning as if freshman girls need something else to be self-conscious about. I never smiled. I’m pretty sure some of the guys had bets going because they all seemed to say hi and try to make me smile. But as I am sure you are aware, as any woman who has survived the tween/teen years, there is nothing quite so embarrassing as looking awkward in front of the cutest guy in school especially when you’re wearing braces, have no boobs and your dad still won’t let you shave your legs. I swore I’d never do that to my girls.
There is also a really good example of a top dentist that I recently had the pleasure to visit which was Good Sam Dental, so we strongly recommend that you Visit Good Sam Dental if you are in that area.
Our dentist does an orthodontic assessment when the kids are 6/7. My eldest daughter had traditional braces put on when she was 8. Apparently, braces aren’t just for teenagers these days. She’s 9 and they are off. She only wore them for 6 moths and her teeth look perfect. Unfortunately, it doesn’t seem like much has changed since I wore braces in the 80’s. Yes, they are less obtrusive but you still have those pesky wires and brackets to get your lips and the inside of your jaw pierced on. She went through wax like it was water. Though traditional braces are a lot less noticeable than they once were, you still run the risk of injury especially when playing sports. Have you ever caught a dodge ball with a mouth full of braces? It’s not pretty.
At her final orthodontic appointment, I was told that with some teeth still left to fall out, we may need to do a second round when she is a tween. We’re hoping not but I’ve already decided if we do, we will get my daughter invisalign braces. The price is comparable to traditional braces, my insurance still covers the same amount, yet no one ever needs to know she is wearing them because you can’t see them and let’s be honest, speaking from personal experience, no tween girl wants to be seen as “trap jaw”. Bonus, they work just as well as traditional metal braces. If you need more information, you can visit the site.
My only worry was that much like my retainers in high school, the Invisalign Teen aligners might end up in the lunchroom garbage can after a rush to get back to class. But, no worries, Invisalign teen knows that kids make mistakes and you get up to six replacement aligners free of charge and you can ask for the approved teeth whitening systems or teeth whitening kits to see if it fits you as well as me. You can visit durham dental website and get an expert’s opinion. I personally think that if you can’t figure out to put your aligner in the case while you eat after six times, you deserve to be charged for it. Here’s hoping we don’t have to do another round of braces with the same child but if we do, I like knowing that Invisalign Teen is an option, look into this website to learn from them.
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;Disclaimer: This is a sponsored post written in partnership with Invisalign, however, all thoughts and opinions expresses are my own.
Working with Preschoolers Thrown into the Deep End of the Cootie Pond
Good morning from the deep end of the cootie pond. I’m on day 5 of my second illness in a month. Yes, my friends, this mom has gone back to school with preschoolers and my compromised immune system is showing.
This year is a big year for me. It’s the first year, in 14 years of being a mom, that I’ve decided to take a position working outside the home. I’ve spent the last 14 years working from home so that I could be here for my daughters.
Working with Preschoolers is drowning in the cootie pond.
I never planned on being a stay-at-home mom. But the moment they laid Bella on my chest, I knew I couldn’t leave her. I tried. God knows I tried. When she was about 18 months old, I took a part-time job as a tech at the local pharmacy but I soon fell pregnant and wanted to be home with my girls. Even being financially tight it was worth it to me to be home with my girls.
READ ALSO: Back to School shopping with Amazon
I still want to be there for my girls (I’d also like to have a steady income to help out financially) but now that the girls are 14 and 12-years-old, I’ve decided to give working outside of the home another try. This time, I’ve taken a part-time job working with preschoolers. It’s fun and the hours are perfect and I still get to be there for my girls whenever they’re home.
In all honesty, I’d forgotten what it was like to be around preschoolers. 4 and 5-year-olds have a lot of energy. They’re snuggly and they love to share everything. They are so cute and full of wonder. I love working with these little people. They honestly fill my heart with energy that only 4 and 5-year-olds can.
Preschoolers lick everything.
There is only one caveat, they are covered in germs. Like me, they have spent the last few years of life in a bubble (we’re severely immunocompromised). They catch viruses. They’re too small and young to know to cover their mouths when they sneeze and cough. They lick everything. I mean everything. I forgot about that. Little kids stick their fingers in their mouths and touch everything. I’ve seen them lick tables, their hands after touching the toilet, each other and me.
Between the licking, coughing, sneezing, touching and finger sucking, they’re like little Petri dishes of germs. Did I mention that on the first day of work the cutest little boy in the world coughed directly into my mouth? Directly. It’s through no fault of their own. They just haven’t been alive long enough to learn not to do these things. They have no self-control and they don’t understand the word no. The only thing they know is to live and love full-on. Cooties be damned.
READ ALSO: Pint-Sized Bullies Beware
Anyways, I’m on sickness number two. If you’re keeping count, I’ve been sick for the entire month that I’ve been working. The other teachers assure me that I will be right as rain after the first year. Yes, you read that right, the.first.year. I’m investing in all the zinc lozenges, hand sanitizer, boogie wipes, Kleenex with aloe and Nyquil. I spend my weekends resting and recuperating to live another school week.
There have been moments when I’ve asked myself if this is all worth it. Some days I’m not sure. But, if I’m being honest, those little cootie carriers have snuggled their way into my heart and I’m not sure I could quit on them any more than I could my own girls.
Preschoolers are the cutest little cootie carriers ever.
It’s been a while since my girls were preschoolers, moms with preschoolers how do you protect yourself from the cooties your little ones bring home from preschool?

What Is Affirmative Action and Why You Should Care
Estimated reading time: 9 minutes
In the simplest terms, regarding higher education, affirmative action (which stemmed from the civil rights movement in the 1960s) is the practice of considering a student’s background characteristics such as race as a factor in deciding whether to admit an applicant. This is typically referring to admissions policies aimed at increasing the number of black, Latino, and other minority students on campus. This is really important to me right now especially because I have a daughter who is beginning college in the fall and I want her to see diversity everywhere.
This is done so that colleges and universities can factor race into the equation when considering who to admit. This is not a free pass for minority students, it is a part of a holistic approach that reviews every aspect of an application, including grades, test scores and extracurricular activities.
The fact of the matter is that even though I believe that all people are created equal, not every one of us were dealt the same hand in life. Our experiences are very different, and race plays a huge part in how our experience plays out. Whether or not English is your first language matters. Ignorant, racist predispositions that society holds tight to are holding minority children back from evolving and succeeding in the United States.
Regardless of how many “woke” people want to say they don’t see color, they are the minority and worse still, in many cases, they only don’t see color when it’s easy or convenient or doesn’t affect them directly. I’m not blind to race or skin color. I was raised to see the differences, embrace those differences, and appreciate the differences. We don’t all have to look and believe the same to deserve human respect. We don’t even have to be friends for me to respect your humanity. You still with me?
The bottom line is that the goal of race-conscious admissions policies is to increase student diversity, in order to enhance the educational experience for all students. It’s a counteraction to white privilege. Schools also employ recruitment programs and scholarship opportunities intended to boost diversity, but the Supreme Court litigation was just focused on admissions. Remember a few years ago when there was a scandal about celebrity parents paying their children’s way into college? Yeah, see, minority children don’t do that. They can’t do that. We have to work for it. We know that education is the great equalizer and to be educated is to have power so we are determined to do our best.
To be completely honest, when I was a teenager applying for colleges, I hated the thought of affirmative action. Not because it wasn’t for me. Nope, I was the exact kind of kid it is meant to help. I was a very smart, capable, involved, first-generation student from a blue-collar family who worked my ass off to get into my top choice schools. I did it. This little freckled Mexican got into Harvard and every other school I applied to.
But I never ticked that fucking “Hispanic” box, not even once. I refused to because I didn’t want all my hard work being diminished and reduced to charity by some ignorant asshole who was jealous that I got accepted and he didn’t. I didn’t want people saying, “Yeah, but you only got in because you’re Mexican.” No bitches, I got in because I’m really fucking intelligent, and I worked twice as hard as anyone else I knew. Yeah, I’m humble too.
My pride made me lose out on scholarships that I could have gotten had I just checked that box. But I couldn’t do it. I’m still paying for that mistake, literally. I refused to let anyone think I needed their charity. I was just as good as any middle-class Caucasian student only my skin wasn’t alabaster, we lived pretty close to the poverty line and my dad’s first language wasn’t English. But how could I, at 17-years-old, accept that as my destiny? I couldn’t.
You can only live for so long hearing that “Mexicans are coming over here stealing all of our jobs, living on welfare and not paying taxes.” In my house, none of that shit was true. We were taught to work hard for what we wanted. In fact, if I’m being completely honest, that is pretty much across the board for us Latinos, at least for every Latino I know.
We are not taught to take handouts. In real talk, most of us would rather starve than take handouts. We don’t take your jobs. We take the jobs we earn and deserve, and, in some cases, we even take the jobs that most won’t take because we’re taught from birth that family is everything and hard work is honorable. So, with no shame at all, we put our heads down and do the hard, back breaking work to feed our families because that is the point of everything.
When I heard that the Supreme court overturned affirmative action, I was conflicted. But, I wasn’t surprised at all. After the events of recent years and the blatant racism that plagues this nation why would I be shocked that SCOTUS did this not so covert microaggression against minorities? The more I thought about it, the sadder I got because what a boring and unseasoned life we would live with no diversity?
Our Gen Z and Alpha children, they truly don’t give a shit about color. They see it and they respect it, and they move the fuck along. My daughters don’t discriminate against anyone because of the color of their skin, their religion, their sexual orientation, their pronouns or birth gender. My children don’t care who you love or how you celebrate that love. My girls, they judge you on your character and even then, they let it go. They believe in second chances and know that people are fallible. They choose joy and love over hatred. They make better choices than the generations that came before them and they move along. If you try to challenge their beliefs, they’ll hear you out but if you’re wrong, they will stand up for what is right and what is fair. All this to say, I hope these children stay this way and change the world.
I think affirmative action still needs to be in place because minority students are still getting passed over and shut out of colleges and universities across the country. Look, my children have had the good fortune to go to the best private schools and have every privilege there is to help them achieve their dreams of university and a career. They have choices. My girls also have upper middle-class parents who paved their way. They want for nothing. They have resources, 3 meals a day, a refrigerator full of food, air and heat. Comfortable beds and don’t have to worry about things like translating for their parents or figuring out where they’re going to get money for school lunches or clothes. They have a stay-at-home mom with 3 Master’s Degrees who makes her own rules and chooses her collaborations. They have the life they have because their father and I worked tirelessly to give them that life because someone gave us a chance to work for our dreams.
But that is not what my childhood was like. I did have to worry about where I was going to get money for lunches, books, clothes and field trips. When I was growing up, there were six children raised on a factory worker’s salary and a stay-at-home mom’s love. When I went away to college, no one helped me. I had to pay my own way. As a 17-year-old, had to figure it all out. I had no support system, and it was very difficult for me. But I still made it. I went hungry sometimes and sometimes the cultural differences between inside my home and outside made me feel like I was from a different planet. In retrospect, I realize that I had to work twice as hard because my situation was different from the middle-class Caucasian kids that I went to school with, which is not their fault, but it wasn’t mine either. Being different shouldn’t be a character flaw.
Being a minority in the United States means being born with stigma and shame because the majority will make you feel like you are less than, no matter what you do. Affirmative action was an attempt to level the playing field. It wasn’t perfect but it was something and some kind of effort is better than none; if only to make us feel like we are seen, and someone cares enough to hold their hand out to help us up. It’s not a handout but a hand up. We’re not about stepping on the majorities back to get to the top. It’s about us all starting from the same point and being afforded the same opportunities to compete for opportunities, despite the differences in our skin color. That’s what affirmative action is about.
There was one weird exception to the conservative Supreme Court majority’s decision ending race-based affirmative action in higher education on Thursday: military academies. Apparently, using race as a factor in admissions to military academies can “further compelling interests,” Chief Justice John Roberts wrote.
The distinction suggests that there could be value in using race to diversify some American institutions i.e., the U.S. military’s officer corps but Roberts’ overall decision says loud and clear that it would be unconstitutional to do so at public and private colleges and universities.
I feel that the U.S. government is sending the message that they don’t mind our minority children dying in service to their country in the name of equality and justice that they can’t even fully receive themselves. By the same token, they can’t be afforded that same luxury at the collegiate level. This sends the message to minority parents that the U.S. government finds our children to be disposable and unworthy of educating. I call bull shit. Don’t tell our children they don’t deserve your help to better their situation while simultaneously telling them that they are perfectly okay to die for the same country, that refused to care whether they lived in poverty and ignorance.
According to Huff Post, Liberal Justice Ketanji Brown Jackson wrote in her dissent, “The Court has come to rest on the bottom-line conclusion that racial diversity in higher education is only worth potentially preserving insofar as it might be needed to prepare Black Americans and other underrepresented minorities for success in the bunker, not the boardroom.” What the fuck America? What the actual fuck?
Affirmative action is about equality, that is it. No one is trying to out do the majority, we just need our kids to get a fair shot at achieving the same things in life as everyone else. What are your thoughts? Do you think affirmative action in schools is a good thing? Or is there something more progressive or maybe even more effective for leveling out the collegiate playing field for all students?

Salted Caramel Mocha Whipped Cream & Homemade Vanilla Ice Cream Recipe
School is back in session. Thank goodness. Nope, that’s not just me sighing with relief my girls missed their friends and were bored. They like a good routine. Sure they like a week off here and there but they really missed seeing their friends. Which made me think, why not celebrate back-to-school with my girls, a few of their friends and some homemade ice cream.
I told the girls my idea and we got straight to planning our menu of homemade vanilla ice cream and salted caramel mocha whipped cream. I love adding flavored creamers to drinks other than just my coffee. There are few things 7 and 9-year-old girls love more than the marriage of smooth, creamy homemade ice cream and fresh made whipped cream, adding salted caramel and mocha was just the cherry on top..oh yeah, there has to be one of those too!
Here is the simple recipe I used for homemade vanilla ice cream.
Ingredients
3/4 cup sugar
· 2 tablespoons cornstarch
· 1/8 teaspoon salt
· 1 1/2 cups Vitamin D whole milk
· 2/3 cup Fat Free French Vanilla
· 1 cup heavy whipping cream
· 1 egg yolk
· 2 teaspoons of vanilla extract
Instructions
1. Whisk together sugar, cornstarch and salt in a large heavy saucepan. Gradually whisk in milk, International Delight Fat Free French Vanilla creamer and heavy whipping cream. Cook over medium heat and stir constantly, 10 to 12 minutes or until mixture thickens slightly. Remove from heat.
2. Whisk egg yolk until slightly thickened. Gradually whisk about 1 cup hot cream mixture into whisked yolk. Add yolk mixture to remaining cream mixture, whisking constantly. Whisk in vanilla extract. Cool for 1 hour and stir occasionally.
3. Place saran wrap directly on cream mixture, and chill 12 to 24 hours.
4. Pour mixture into freezer container of a 1 1/2-qt. electric ice-cream maker, and freeze according to manufacturer’s instructions.
Top with homemade Salted Caramel Mocha Whipped Cream.
Ingredients
1 ½ cup of heavy whipping cream
½ cup of International Delight Salted Caramel Mocha creamer (What? You thought I only used creamer for coffee and cocktails?)
¼ -1/2 cup of sugar (add sugar till your desired stiffness)
Instructions
Put heavy whipping cream and International Delight Salted Caramel Mocha creamer into a chilled mixing bowl.
Slowly add sugar as you blend with hand mixer on med. As whipped topping begins to stiffen, turn mixer up to high speed.
Garnish with 2 salted pretzel rods and a Maraschino cherry or two. Serve with love and enjoy all the giggles and squeals of back-to-school happy. Yes, I can’t believe it either but my girls seem to simply love being back in school. I guess my nerd gene didn’t skip a generation after all.
By the way, we all tried this recipe out yesterday and we concur that it is equally delicious to both the adult and child’s palate. To be honest, I could eat the salted caramel mocha whipped cream all on it’s own….all.day.long!
This is a sponsored conversation written by me on behalf of International Delight.
The opinions and Salted Caramel Mocha Whipped Cream recipe are all mine.
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Teaching Your Child about Loss
The hardest thing we have to do as parents is teaching your child about loss. I have two daughters and my youngest is 8-years-old. In the last three years, she has felt the weight of the loss of a sibling, her beloved dog, a cousin and a goldfish. She has a great grandmother and a great-great aunt who are both in their late 80’s and we know more loss is on it’s way but I want to protect them for as long as possible.
Yesterday morning before school, we had the girls say goodbye to Teddy just in case the vet could not save him. I was a nervous wreck. My daughter collapsed into my arms and whispered through tear stained cheeks, “Mommy, please don’t let him die.” I knew in that moment, I was going to fight as hard as I’d ever fought to keep this little guy alive.
I found the best exotic pet vet in town, begged to be squeezed in as soon as possible and drove across the city with the weak little guy strapped into the front seat in a box, I gingerly seat belted him in as to not disturb him in his weakened state. I felt sick to my stomach. A million what ifs ran through my mind and they all ended with me breaking my daughter’s heart.
At the veterinarian’s office, Teddy was thoroughly checked. I was told that it was pneumonia. The remedy? Antibiotics and IV fluids. I was given more liquid antibiotics to give him twice a day until he was well. I left there feeling like I had dodged a major bullet. I had saved him and spared my daughter, yet another loss.
We spent the day holding him and talking to him. He quietly chirped and nuzzled into my chin. At first his breathing was labored but soon it quieted and he lay, softly against me where he stayed for hours before doing the same with my daughter.
This morning, she held him while she ate breakfast. The Big Guy and I took him briefly to administer his meds. He chirped loudly, which at first I thought was an improvement from his listlessness yesterday but then I began to consider that maybe it was pain that elicited his reaction.
My daughter kissed him goodbye and told him that she loved him before she went to school this morning. Then she said, “See you after school, Teddy Bear.” Only she won’t.
I came home and cleaned up the house a little bit and then I checked on our little Teddy. I picked him up and he was completely limp but warm. A first, I thought maybe he was fine just still because of the pneumonia and then; I realized he wasn’t breathing and he was not responsive.
I can’t even explain the reaction I had. I sobbed and lost my breath because I don’t want to be the one to break my daughter’s heart. I can still hear her whispering for me to save him. It lingers in the air like the faint smell of perfume after someone leaves the room.
Today, when she comes home, I am tasked with the unfortunate duty of telling her that her beloved longhaired Guinea Pig, Ted Koppel, has died in my arms from pneumonia while my daughter was at school. I hate teaching my children about loss because it is one that they will learn over and over in this life.
Now, it’s pick up time. Time to be there for my girl, after I have to break their tiny hearts and tear their world apart. I hate this part of parenting.

Is There a Dream Interpreter in the House?
Last night’s dream has me perplexed. This morning has thrown me for a loop. I am a bit out of sorts. It’s only my second day completely alone since the girls started school. This is weird for me. I’m not so sure that I like it. This is it. I will never have my sweet little girls home with me on the weekdays again. Is it wrong that I am actually looking forward to days off?
Sunday night, I stayed up until 1 am. I blame HBO and insomnia. Anyways, when 6 am on Monday morning rolled around, I was pretty much feeling like death warmed over. Not just tired but sick to my stomach. My body was mutinying saying “BITCH, why don’t you give us more sleep and better food?” I splashed some cold water on my face, brushed my teeth and got everyone ready for school. I came home and cleaned like a crazy woman, trying to avoid looking in any direction because all I kept seeing was where my dog is supposed to be. The tired mind plays tricks on you. Needless to say, I spent most of the morning folding laundry through tear filled eyes; partly because I miss my dog and probably in part because I miss my Gabs being home with me during the day. It’s lonely when you’ve been used to a little side kick for the past 7 years. I’ve not been lonely because I am never alone until now. Yes, I stood around my house crying like a big baby all by myself. So last night, I did what any really tired, completely sane person would do. I went to bed when I put the girls to bed, at 7 pm.
Bad dream #1
Guess what happened? I woke up three times and I had a shitload of weird freaking dreams. The first dream was this; I was with my girls at what looked like a school of some sort. We were there to see some sort of pet show. Obviously, in this dream, Gabi, my 5-year-old, immediately runs toward the animals. This kid loves animals. I see veterinary medicine in her future. Quite honestly, I’m pretty convinced this kid prefers animals to people most days of the week. The entire time that she ran ahead, I had her in my sight because I am terrified of stranger danger and I’m pretty sure that I would die if something really bad ever happened to the girls. Suddenly, the dogs became roving exhibit and those bitches were being moved to another location. Gabi was not stopping. She ran after them, out of my line of sight. I am running down the longest corridors I’ve ever had the misfortune of running with her sister in tow. We run down the retractable bleachers and at the bottom they were not pulled all the way out. I jump about 6 feet to the ground. I am not stopping. I. MUST. CATCH.GABI. My 7-year-old refuses to jump.
I beg and plead with her. Gabi is disappearing into the venue and I can’t even hear the stampede of children anymore. This is my nightmare. Bella looks at me and shakes her head with that “not gonna happen” smirk that infuriates every mother. We’ve all seen it. And then she turns and runs in the opposite direction. I am simultaneously terrified and pissed off. Who do I follow? Who do I save? What if something bad happens to them? Then. I . Wake. Up in a cold sweat.
Commence Bad dream #2
I lay awake for 2 hours in the middle of night trying to figure out this riddle of a nightmare. Here’s what I came up with; it obviously has something to do with the fact that we just lost the dog and Gabi is having such a bad time of it. It also speaks volumes to the fact that Gabi always runs off without thinking (not listening to me) and Bella has recently started defying me, to test boundaries.
Then I tried to go back to bed and had another nightmare. What? Forget this. I’ll just be tired and stay an insomniac. Sleep is brutal, not for the weak.
When I went back to sleep, I dreamed that I was at a hotel with the Big Guy when we spotted an elderly woman who could not walk and had been stranded in the lobby by her people. She gave us some story about feeling really dizzy and needing to get up to her room. The Big Guy, being the nice guy he is, picks the elderly woman up and carries her up to her room. We were waiting for the valet to bring our car so her told me to wait while he took her up. Then he never came back. I spent what felt like forever searching the hotel for my husband. He had been kidnapped. It was a scam to get him upstairs. Eventually, after much freaking out, questioning hotel patrons and workers alike and crying on my part, we found him locked in a dog cage, which is totally bizarre because the Big Guy is 6’5″ and would never actually fit in one of those cages. Even more bizarre was that when we arrived at the room and found him locked in the dog cage, our deceased dog was walking around the outside of the cage.
So what the fuck does all this mean? I’m serious anybody have any good theories? Obviously, it has something to do with losing the dog and fearing losing the people I love but it was one of the weirdest dreams that I have ever had. I may be off sleep completely after last night’s dream.
What do you think this dream means?

Got Milk?
If you are a mom, you KNOW how much milk kids consume. My girls are little milkaholics but they come by it naturally, as I am too. We drink a lot of milk, at least 2 gallons a week between us 3 girls but I am limited on space in the refrigerator so that means when I run out I have to run to the store to buy more as space is available.I was recently part of a virtual briefing session on shelf stable milk. Sounds like something your mom might have kept in her Y2K pantry or maybe someone from the 50’s might have kept in their bomb shelter and all of that might have been true but it is also a nutrient rich, great alternative to refrigerated milk. There is no difference in flavor. You just have to wrap your brain around a new way of storing your milk.
You might be wondering what the heck shelf stable milk is. It is exactly what it sounds like, it is milk that can be kept in your pantry and doesn’t need to take up valuable (and limited) real estate in your refrigerator. You may be using it and didn’t even realize that shelf stable was what it was. I’ve been using it since my girls started school in the form of Horizon’s Organic milk in individual packaging. My girls love the flavors they offer; Strawberry, Chocolate, Vanilla and plain white milk. It’s the same milk you get in your grocer’s refrigerated section; the only difference is the packaging.
Shelf stable milk has been pasteurized at a higher temperature for a shorter amount of time to preserve taste and nutrition. Refrigerated milk is heated to 165 degrees Fahrenheit for 10-20 seconds then packaged in traditional cartons. Shelf stable milk is ultra pasteurized and heated to 280 degrees Fahrenheit for only 3 seconds, cooled quickly and then immediately packaged into a sterile Tetra Pak shelf-stable cartons that keep out light, air and harmful contaminants. Shelf stable milk can last up to 6 months unopened and unrefrigerated compared to traditional refrigerated milk, which usually expires in 3 weeks. This is awesome because you can stock up when it’s on sale.
It doesn’t taste any different than traditional milk. We are huge milk aficionados and take our milk pretty seriously in my house so I would tell you if it tasted weird. I do buy jugs of organic milk that I keep on hand in the refrigerator for everyday drinking but my pantry always has shelf stable milk in it for lunches, snack times and it also comes in handy if we run out of milk in the fridge. I simply pop the individual milks in the fridge the night before and pack it in my girls’ lunch boxes the next morning. I pack them cold but they can be drank at room temperature or over milk. My girls love it and so do I. My favorite thing aside from it being convenient is knowing that I am sending them something nutritious to drink with their lunches. It’s also great when traveling. I make PB & J sandwiches and put the milk in a cooler. It’s much healthier than stopping for fast food, more cost effective and more convenient.
Back-to-school is right around the corner (one week from today for us) and I think this is a great product to keep in mind for lunches for your little ones. They are easy to find; most stores carry shelf stable milk. You’ve probably just never looked for it and sometimes it is shelved in the refrigerated section. I know for a fact that Kroger carries it Organic Valley brand and quite frequently runs the individual packs for 10 for $10, so you can mix and match flavors. I also know that Wal-Mart carries the Organic Horizons brand.
Have you ever tried shelf stable milk? Would you use it for school lunches?

Disclaimer: This blog post is part of a paid Milk Unleashed blogging program. The opinions and ideas expressed here are all my own.

How to Afford the Superstar Education Your Child Deserves
This is part of a sponsored campaign with DiMe Media and Coca-Cola but all opinions expressed about how to pay for college are my own.
I grew up working class to parents who only graduated high school. My father was a blue-collar worker in a factory and my mom stayed at home and took care of the six of us children. My grandparents were the same, only my grandfather farmed. Bottom line was that I come from a long line of people who work really hard because it was the only choice they had. My parents wanted better for their children.
I was taught from a very early age that education was the ticket to a new life. If I got a good education and worked really hard, I could have anything I wanted. I could be anyone I wanted. Live anywhere I wanted. I could do anything I wanted, if I were willing to pay the price in determination, dedication and hard work. I was never told there was another option so from the time I could remember; I worked to do my best in school. It wasn’t just about me. I was the hope for better from my parents and I was the example for my younger siblings.
This lesson was drilled into my head. I’d get A’s my dad would ask, “Why are these not A+ s?” I never felt that I could do enough but going to college was the end goal because it was the means to better. Failure was not an option. The only option I was given was to work hard and to do it. I lived my life on a mission to excel. This is what my parents wanted and it was my duty to succeed for all of us.
Now, mind you, there was never any plan in action to help me pay for this journey. They expected me to go to college but they had no intention or idea of how to pay for it. It was all up to me. I won’t lie, it was hard. I felt like I had worked hard to get the grades, I should have gotten some help when it came time to pay for university but sometimes what we expect and what we get are not the same so I had to figure it out, on my own.
I did figure it out. I applied for financial aid, I took out loans and I even did work study in my dorm’s cafeteria freshman year even thought he smell of food repulsed me. It was what I needed to do to cobble together the funds for tuition. Over the years, I would take a semester off here or there to work at odd jobs and save the money. Finally, after 8 years, I graduated with a whole lot of debt. I want better for my girls.
My girls know that I expect them to go to college. They know how important an education is in this world. It is their part of the bargain to get the grades to be accepted. It is our job as parents to help them and guide them through the financial aid process, scholarship application process and if need be take out loans for them. My goal is for them to focus on school and for us to help them succeeded in college while accruing the least amount of debt. I don’t want them leaving college with a huge financial burden hanging over their heads. I am still paying on my graduate degree loans. There has to be a better way. We have to equip our children not only with the desire to succeed but the means to get there or we are just setting them up for failure, disappointment and heartache.
This year, Coca-Cola is partnering with the Hispanic Scholarship Fund to help Hispanic families achieve their college dreams and aspirations, as part of the #ForTheDream Hispanic Education Program and the #ForTheDreamSweeps sweepstakes.
The purpose of Coca-Cola’s #ForTheDream program is to inspire and empower Latino teens and their families to prepare, plan and pay for their college education. Something I wish I had in my toolbox when I was preparing to go to university.
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Coca-Cola is donating $100,000 to the Hispanic Scholarship Fund. To help raise additional money toward the Hispanic Scholarship Fund, Coca-Cola is donating $1 for every social media post with the hashtag #ForTheDream, up to $10,000.
Financial pressure is the number one reason that Latino youth do not attend college. As a community supporter and partner of the Hispanic Scholarship Fund, Coca-Cola’s #ForTheDream program is helping provide Hispanic families with the resources needed to attend a college preparatory boarding school and achieve a higher education.
Coca-Cola understands the importance Latino families place on education, and wants to provide them with the opportunity to achieve their educational goals and become future leaders. The For The Dream program has a sweepstakes component, #ForTheDreamSweeps, in which Coca-Cola is awarding one College Tour Experience and 34 x $500 grants to cover education expenses. For more details about how to get your teens ready for college you can visit the For the Dream microsite. To enter simply share a photo and Tweet or post about why education matters for our youth and community or how your family pushed you to pursue your education.
I will be giving away a Coca-Cola prize pack to one lucky reader. Winner will be chosen on August 4th. The prize will include a fun Coca-Cola-themed Summer Prize pack that features a logo cooler bag, sunglasses, Mason jar tumbler and a visor.To enter simply leave a comment below telling me why you think an education is so important?
How will you teach your child how to pay for college?
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