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The TRUTH About Motherhood

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  • Getting Healthy is Nothing a Little Blood, Sweat App and Tears Can’t Fix

    If you read my post yesterday, you know that I have had a change of perspective. A way of thinking shift. A come to Jesus meting with myself, if you will. And the truth hit me like a throat punch, getting healthy is nothing a little blood, Sweat app and tears can’t fix. Weight loss is an investment in your future. 

    I no longer believe in “try” only “do.” I’ve been telling the girls for years that we cannot control how people react to us or what we do, we can only control how we behave and what we put into the world and so now, I’m focusing on what I’m doing. I’m taking a more active role in my own life. Sounds stupid right? Shouldn’t I have been doing this all along? I should have but I’ve spent the past 13 years taking a more active role in my daughters lives, and lets be honest, before than 20 years putting my husband first.

    READ ALSO: Bringing the Feisty Broad Back

    I’ve made a conscious decision to look at the world more positively. In that spirit, I am choosing to see the good in other and in myself. I deserve to be happy and I have the power to make it happen. Only I can do this.

    It’s pretty liberating because when you choose to be positive, it lightens your load and enables you to stop worrying and start focusing on the people and things that matter. I know that I want to make friends, family and myself a priority in my own life ( something that I have neglected for literally years). I met with some friends on New Years eve and it reminded me of something that I’d forgotten, friends fill up your soul. We need to make time for them. They are not an option.

    Another thing I really want to focus on is better spending habits. I have a terrible habit of spending when I am stressed. I really do use retail therapy to make myself feel better ( at least until I get my credit card bills) and that has to stop. I want to learn to live within my means and that is not a bad thing. It’s nothing to be embarrassed or feel bad about.

    I also want to waste less and live with more purpose and intention. Patience is a virtue that I am trying to embrace and minimalism is a way of life that I’d like to learn to live. For me, chaos in my home breeds chaos in my mind, in my heart and in my soul. I don’t want chaos. For once in my life, my manic mind is willfully choosing focus and less “stuff.”

    READ ALSO: How to Conquer to Succeed

    But the thing I want to really focus on this year is my health. Nope, I’m not talking about getting skinny. I’ve been there and I’ve done that. I did it the wrong way for many years and it backfired on me. Big Time. So if you know anyone thinking of doing it the wrong way, warn them, it doesn’t work in the long run. You end up one of two ways, either you stop abusing your body and your metabolism mutinies on you or you get to be a really tiny corpse.

    For many years, getting healthy equated to being skinny but that’s not what I think anymore. I think healthy is my knees not popping, my ankle not hurting, not getting winded riding a bike too fast, not being diabetic, not having high cholesterol or high blood pressure. I just want to get back to normal and be able to buy my clothes off the rack and have them look great on me.  I want to be able to go for long walks with my girls and talk about everything. I want to walk under the starts with my husband on a beach somewhere without it taking forever and leaving me exhausted. I don’t ever want to wear Spanx again. I want endorphin highs back in my life.

    The problem is that even though I know how to be healthy, I don’t really. I’ve read the books but I can never translate it into a functioning part of my life. I’m not a fan of deprivation but I’m cool with moderation but I need to be conscious of portion sizes. Also, I love to work out but I never make time for it. I have to make time for it. And since I am embracing doing and not trying, I’m doing it. I will also make sure to set regular appointments with the doctor. 

    READ ALSO: The Burden of Being a Fat Woman

    My fellow blogger and someone who inspires me every day, Ana-Marie Klizs of Bluebird Kisses, has had her own weight loss journey to get healthy and she has done it all with adjusting her diet to a healthier version and by using the SWEAT App.  I’ve been laid up for about 8 weeks from the surgery that I had in November and I was just released from the physical restrictions yesterday so I’ve been waiting for that day to get active again. Following along on Ana’s blog and Instagram has kept me inspired. She is an amazing human being and if you’re not already following her, you should be. She lit a fire in my soul and gave me the confidence to know I could do it. So, I’m doing it with the help of SWEAT app.

    For now, I am starting off with walking ( per doctors orders) and in a couple of weeks I want to start a more organized workout program. The SWEAT app is at the top of my list so I wanted to share the app with you all in case you are looking for a way to start.

    Train Your Way

    SWEAT recognizes that women want flexibility, variety and support when working towards health and fitness goals.

    We understand that your goals are personal and always evolving so we put the choice in your hands! Offering flexibility and variety through multiple styles of training, SWEAT connects you with the best female personal trainers in the world. Choose the trainer and training style that fits you and your lifestyle! Whether you take your first step with yoga, post-pregnancy workouts, weight training, power-training or high-intensity workouts, SWEAT is right here to support you. We are always adding new workouts and exciting features to ensure you find your fit!

    Join the SWEAT Community and set off on your fitness journey!

    Start Your Fitness Journey At Home

    With various options, there is something for everyone.They offer BBG (Bikini Body Guide), BBG Stronger, PWR ( weight Training), Post-Pregnancy, BAM (Yoga), Fierce (varied workouts) and Build (Power building).

    Kayla Itsines – Bikini Body Guide (BBG)

    Changing the way women around the world exercise, Kayla Itsines’ 28-minute BBG workoutscan be done at home with or without equipment. (Perfect for me!)

    Start your fitness journey with Kayla and feel your body become stronger each week as you progress. With each workout, Kayla helps to encourage and educate you to take charge of your health and fitness. Use the planner to schedule your workouts for the week, including your HIIT and LISS sessions, resistance, rest and recovery.

    The high-intensity BBG workouts are designed to build your strength, fitness and bikini body confidence!

    Track your progress and plan your workouts!

    SWEAT encourages you to get stronger week by week! You progress gradually, increasing the intensity in each workout. When you’re ready to take on fresh challenges and step up your workouts, SWEAT has you covered.

    Weekly meal plans and shopping lists!

    Plan your meals for the week with ease using SWEAT! All our recipes have been designed to help you achieve your health and fitness goals while enjoying delicious and convenient meals. Select meal plans to suit your dietary preference and find hundreds of recipes to match. Food shopping is a breeze with the automated lists, so you’ll always have something healthy to eat!

    Journey With Like-Minded Women

    We know how important it is to feel supported throughout your fitness journey.

    The SWEAT forum is the perfect place to connect with women who are focused on their health and fitness. It’s a place where you can share your experiences and aspirations, as well as encourage and motivate each other.

    We’ve long understood how important it is to feel supported in your workout program. Through your connections with like-minded women around the world, together you can build confidence, power, balance, performance and courage to reach your fitness goals.

    To connect, motivate and share experiences with other women, join the community for FREE today.

    Full disclosure: I’ve tried many other fitness programs with limited success. But I don’t think it was them…it was me. I need a program that allows me to eat real food and exercise when I can without involving a lot of expensive equipment or health club fees. I need guidance and fellowship. I need support.

    I’ve done all of it. I’ve been anorexic and bulimic. I’ve worked out 3 hours a day. I’ve had a personal trainer.  I ran ( I don’t like it). I’ve done Weight Watchers. I’ve done Nutrisystem. I’ve had the Beachbody channel. I’ve done Zumba. I’ve done Cize (my favorite) and several other Beach Body workouts. I’ve juiced (not for the manic prone). I’ve tried all the tech. I’ve even tried Medical weight loss programs but meds are not the way for me. They cause their own issues. They’ve all worked but none of them got me to the finish line. Well, anorexia did (if the finish line is being 103 lbs at 5’7.5″) but it almost got me to the ultimate finish line so we’re never going down that road again.

    This is where I am today. Enthusiastic and out of shape. I’m hoping the SWEAT app is the beginning of a new way of life. Not a diet. I never want to diet again. I want to learn to be healthy. So, I’m going to start a new Instagram page if you want to follow along with my progress and I will be posting updates, recipes, tips and inspiration to get us all through this on Wednesdays. If you’re still here ( after this very long post) I hope you’ll stop by on Wednesdays for some encouragement and to share your own journey with me.

    Have you tried the SWEAT app? What are your thoughts?

    Getting Healthy is Nothing a Little Blood, SWEAT and Tears Can’t Fix

  • How to Save Your Marriage by having the Hard Conversations

    How to Save Your Marriage by having the Hard Conversations

    Marriage is not always easy. Most of the time it’s hard. But where there is true and deep love, I think it’s worth fighting for with everything you’ve got. This is how to save your marriage by having the hard conversations, the uncomfortable ones that might leave you yelling, in tears or second-guessing your entire relationship but its better than the cold silence of not caring at all.

    There is no guidebook that they hand out as a wedding gift called How to save your marriage. That would be a little dismal to say the least. But maybe there should be. Maybe they should just change the title and give that book to every single person even considering getting married.

    What do you do when you’re in love with your spouse and they are crazy about you but you disagree on one thing? Sounds simple, right? You get over it or you compromise. You work through it. But sometimes the “thing” is so huge that getting over it is impossible. Parenthood is that topic.

    READ ALSO: How Scrambled Eggs Made my Marriage Sexy

    Full disclosure, I had been ready to get pregnant since our first wedding anniversary but the Big Guy was really enjoying our time as a married couple. I come from a big family so wanting to be a mom was a given for me. He comes from a small family and, to tell the truth, I think he was lukewarm to the idea of little people. By about year three, I could feel my biological clock ticking. My brother had kids and I wanted babies too. Still, the Big Guy was slightly above lukewarm.

    I was starting to panic. Not about having babies at that moment but whether or not he wanted to have them ever. That was a real problem for me because some hard decisions were going to have to be made. I knew I wanted children. Full stop. I also knew that if he didn’t, that’s not something that you can force someone into. What if I couldn’t live without being a mother and he couldn’t live with being a father? Was I going to have to divorce the man I was completely in love with and who loved me more than anyone else ever had? I was hiding from my own reality because I didn’t want to face it.

    One day during year four, I just broke down and had the hard discussion, laid it all out on the table. Never have I been so afraid to tell anyone anything in my entire life because it really was a life-changing conversation. I didn’t make any threats. It wasn’t an ultimatum. But we had to face the obvious and have the conversation, I wanted to be the mother of his children. That wasn’t negotiable and I wasn’t going to change my mind. I knew I would feel like something was missing if I just gave up on that dream. I also told him that there was no way that I would ever ask him to be a father if he didn’t want it 100% because then he’d be miserable and we’d all suffer.

    My brain knew that the only option if we couldn’t come to an agreement that we were both comfortable with, was divorce. Divorcing someone who you love and loves you back in a world where it is so hard to find that sounds ridiculous, I know, but what are your options when you can’t agree on something so huge? We had the talk and got it all out in the open. We both cried because it was hard and afterward, we laid in each other’s arms emotionally exhausted 20 somethings wishing it would all just not be an issue. But we both knew the problem wasn’t going anywhere.

    READ ALSO: How to Train a Husband

    It wasn’t that he adamantly didn’t want children. It was that he had never had an opinion one way or the other and his partner in the previous long-term relationship prior to me was adamant that she did not want children…ever. So he had reconciled himself to the fact that he would never be a father. Then he fell in love and married a Catholic, Mexican from a family of 8.

    After a couple weeks, we don’t take the heavy questions lightly, he told me that after thinking about it for a while, he was prepared to plan to plan to have a baby. He wasn’t ready right that moment at 27 to become a father but babies were definitely on the table. We were both relieved and finally, on the same page. Then, a New Orleans long weekend away to celebrate our anniversary changed everything.

    I won’t lie, I still wasn’t sure that he was 100% onboard but I could see him warming up to the idea. He started spending more time with our nieces and nephews and I could see a shift from holding a baby like it was a tiny bomb to cuddling the baby and smiling, feeling the joy that all newborns in your arm bring. We had time. But it had to be discussed.

    So if you want to know how to save your marriage, this is my advice.

    My point is that hard discussions have to be had for there to be honesty and trust in a marriage. You can’t avoid the hard things. They have to be faced head-on, together. These are the moments that make or break a marriage. If you cannot discuss things on your own then seek for help such as attending marriage therapy.

    You’re probably wondering, why didn’t these 2 discuss their position on babies before getting married? Fair question. The only answer I have for you; we were in college when we got engaged after 4 months of dating. Our heads were not in charge of the situation. It was all heart. We were young and very much in love. I think we were both just taking it for granted that the other person wanted what we wanted. We hadn’t known each other long enough to know how different our experiences growing up were.

    I’ve learned from my mistakes though. I’ll make sure that my girls have these conversations before they are married to their best friend and 4 years deep into building a life together. We were lucky it worked out. More than lucky, we are blessed that we were willing to face it together and talk it out and figure out together what we wanted out of our marriage.

    What’s the biggest marriage challenge that you’ve faced as a couple?

  • Tech

  • Lifestyle

  • Food

  • Rise of the Real Blogger Top Blogging Trend of 2018

    Rise of the Real Blogger Top Blogging Trend of 2018

    Rise of the real blogger are the five sweetest words that I’ve ever heard. The most important thing I took away about social media and blogging from Disney Social Media Mom’s Celebration was to just be myself online and trust in who I am as a blogger. The universe not so subtly reminded me to get back to what I’ve always done and trust my gut. Recently, I was told that I was being “too real” when I blog. I’m not even sure how that’s possible but from my understanding, authenticity cannot be manufactured. Real life is seldom perfect and when you present it in a way that is… you’re lying, either to yourself or your audience.

    “Rise of the Real, be yourself, Be Authentic, connect with your audience, emotional connections,” these were just a few of the ways I heard the universe telling me to be myself. It is the very premise on which my website was built.

    I kept hearing it over again at the Disney Social Media Mom celebration like a whisper following me around. It felt like the universe telling me to stop worrying about what other people were doing. You’ve heard the truth will set you free? Well, I believe it. The moment I started second guessing myself, doubt crept in and it manifested itself in a crippling fear of failure.

    READ ALSO: How Mom 2.0 Renewed my Faith in Blogging and in Myself

    I saw other people doing it better and getting bigger and I thought, hey, maybe they know better than I do. But doing what they do didn’t feel right for me because writing for me is more than a means to an end, a creative outlet or a career choice. Writing is a big part of who I am as a person and how I move through the world. I tell my stories because it’s how I process and make sense of life.

    Rise of the real is confirmation of what I’ve always believed; honesty is the only way to blog and live.

    I share with others because I think we are all connected by our experiences and while they don’t all play out the same way, we all experience them. Life is universal, some of us just do it differently than others. We all do what works for our family, for our lives but we all have those moments of failure and success and even though they may be different, the gut-wrenching pulls of failure and the elation of success (whatever the scale may be) is the same.

    I’ve always shared my stories because I knew that people could relate on a human level. But then someone told me to think before I “speak” (write) because being too real can be a turn-off. I almost believed it. To be honest, it sent me into shut down mode. I got a terrible case of writer’s block. Turns out that I can’t overthink every single word I write because if I question every single thing I say or do, I’ll never do anything. I’m a leap first, ask for forgiveness person. It’s who I am and I don’t want to change that.

    READ ALSO: What Every Blogger should know about Blogging

    My stories connect me to you and your comments and responses connect you back to me. So often the online world feels like throwing something out into the abyss and leaving it there but that is not how blogging and social media have worked for me, not at all.

    Blogging started for me when I was a new mom, completely disconnected from the outside world. Drowning in motherhood, my blog was me reaching out for someone to throw me a buoy and my readers, those connections/ their stories and ability to relate to what I was going through, they were what kept me afloat. If the stories I share can do that for someone else, it’s all worth it. I know they can because I’ve read the comments and I’ve made the connections with people all over the world through our stories.

    A million page views a month may not be in my near future but I have posts that people all over the world have connected with and commented on over and over again. Some of my most personal stories that, if I had used common sense, I would have never hit publish on are some of my most popular because everyone is not perfect. Most of us have a hard time of it. We struggle, we fail and our success, our stories, are in the fact that we keep getting back up. Not that we never fall and never fail but that we keep trying and we overcome.

    Someone once told me that people don’t want to read reality because they live it. They said reality is not “positive” enough. I say seeing someone I can relate to triumph through their hard times and succeed in their good times empowers me to do better. It makes me feel like I can do anything and it makes me happy for them. When they are in pain, I cheer for them. I don’t block them from my feed because they are bringing me down. I check in to make sure they are doing okay. My readers and followers are not just names of people I don’t know. We’ve connected. They know my family and in many cases, I know their stories too because they’ve shared in response to my stories. It’s a very organic and symbiotic relationship and I love it.

    I get it. Too much negativity is a bummer but life isn’t always unicorns and rainbows and beaches. Sometimes it is. But sometimes it’s ugly cry, raw and hard. But mostly, it’s minutia and daily moments peppered with a good mix of profound bliss and misery. All of those unexpected, uncontrolled moments are what make up a life; beautiful in its glory and agony.

    So, I ask you, do you prefer to read about how great someone else’s life is all the time? Or do you prefer the truth? The sometimes amazing beyond anything you could imagine, sometimes horrible and sometimes humorous day-to-day of life. Some days, it’s even downright boring but even in the minutia, it is relatable because who hasn’t been bored in their life? The thing I’ve realized it that it’s not about changing the truth, it’s about the way you tell your stories. It’s all in the narrative.

    How do you prefer your blogging, transparency in the blogs you read or a blogger who edits reality to make it prettier?

  • What Would Anissa do?

    What Would Anissa do?

    Yesterday, as I was laying on a beach watching my daughters frolic in the surf , a gentle, quiet happiness settled on my soul. The kind that can only be found in moments of calm simplicity. Those that are so few and far between in everyday life that we hardly even expect them. Then, I glanced at my Facebook page and my joy hit over the head with a brick and left in its place profound sadness.

    I read the news that, my friend, Anissa Mayhew had died. I don’t have all the facts. I don’t know what exactly stole this woman that I respected and admired from this world. The point is moot because the result is the same; a bright light has gone out.

    You see, Anissa was the first person who ever asked me to write professionally. If you’re not a freelance writer it’s hard to describe so I’ll say it like this, imagine the 1 thing you love to do in this world, then imagine there is someone who not only appreciates it, reads it, comments and tells you that you’re talented but then offers to give you actual money to be able to share your talent with the world! She gave me the opportunity to pursue my passion and chase my dreams, when I had no idea what that looked like or how to get there. She gave to me hope and inspiration like she did for so many others, not with just her words but with what she did.

    What would anissa do, Anissa Mayhew, Aiming Low, online friends, rest in peace

    Anissa and I met online through social media and blogging and one day, she offered me a place (besides my own site) to be as bold and silly with my true voice as I wanted to be. In fact, she encouraged it. She hired me to write for Aiming Low and it felt like being selected to be a part of the online version of SNL. I was not only humbled by her request, I was honored. Through my time at Aiming Low, I really got to know Anissa and see her for the force of nature she truly was. 

    If you are a fellow Aiming Lower, you know what a magical group of people it was and you know it was carefully curated by Anissa; a woman who saw something special in each of us and our voice in this world. She had a knack for telling it like it was and doing it with complete love.

    She loved me for my crazy, even when she knew how deep the crazy ran. That’s the kind of person she was. She was good and she was real and she saw that in others. She also had no qualms about calling an asshole an asshole and you have to respect that. She built me up before I even I believed in me.  

    She gave me permission to own my funny and all of my stories, no matter how big or small. But more than that she made me part of her magical, insanely kooky Aiming Low family. She gave me the gift of my people and I’ll always love her for that.

    What would anissa do, Anissa Mayhew, Aiming Low, online friends, rest in peace

    I’m sad. I’m truly fucking gutted. When I was sobbing on the beach, full on ugly crying. I’m sure someone YouTubed it. I’m also 1000% sure Anissa would have loved to have seen that video. She probably would have shared it? Laughed and sent me a message that said,”Debi, stop being such s little bitch!”

    I loved Anissa for her giant heart, wicked sense of humor and that smile that only she could give that let you know it was all okay. She taught me that life is hard and so what, get over it. Get your shit together and get through it. There was something special about her way of looking at the world and the way she loved her people. And boy, did she love her people. If you are one of the lucky ones to have been loved by her, you know, she had you back….your front and your side, all the way. 

    I hate that the world has gotten in the way and none of us have been as connected as we once were because life and kids and the mundane shit of real everyday life but the love was always still there. I’ll miss Anissa more than words can convey. I hope she’s enjoying all the bacon someplace with really fine men fanning her with palms. I think she’d like that, especially if they smell of bacon.

    What would anissa do, Anissa Mayhew, Aiming Low, online friends, rest in peace

    I don’t know about you guys, but I’m feeling like from now on we get back to 2009 blogging. When you write ask yourself, what would Anissa do? And just write from your heart, comment like it matters, make connections, talk and care about more than just who will pay you the most to promote their product. Remember what we do counts… the human connections are real and far-reaching. Our words have weight and how we interact/ the way we care/love/laugh that’s part of our legacy. That’s how we’ll be remembered.

    Thank you, Anissa, for giving me the balls to continue living my truth even when it wasn’t popular, the friendship to keep going during the excruciatingly hard times and for making all of us misfits feel like snowflakes, even when you had your own shit going on.

    I could talk for days about how amazing Anissa was. I know many of us share similar stories and I hope that you will share your favorite moments about/with Anissa in the comments below. I want to reconnect with all of you because one thing Anissa’s passing has taught me is that life is too short.

    But mostly, I want to send all of my love and prayers to Peter Mayhew and Anissa’s 3 beautiful children who she loved so very much. You’re in our thoughts.

  • Vote Like Your Child’s Future Depends On It

    This post was produced with support from Clean Air Moms Action. All opinions are, of course, my own.

    The upcoming election has been dominated by divisive candidate issues. Believe me, many of us have lost friends and family because our politics simply cannot reconcile themselves but there’s one thing that we should all be able to agree on: harmful pollution, climate change, and toxic chemicals are putting our families at risk and it doesn’t have to be that way. Whether you’re a liberal or a conservative, every one of us lives on this planet and, I hope, everyone of us wants to take care of it so it’s still around for our children and our children’s children.

    When I think about the future, I immediately think about my daughters. The future is not some obscure thing that will happen to me. Since becoming a mom, everything I do is directly in relation to how it will affect my children and that means I have no choice but to be the change. It’s my job to be their advocate, to make sure that they are healthy and happy and, for me, that means making sure that they have clean air to breathe.

    A few weeks ago, the news reported that safe carbon levels in the earth’s atmosphere were a thing of the past. We officially passed the point of no return, 400 parts per million, where the earth’s climate was concerned. The low point of carbon dioxide in the atmosphere typically occurs around the last week of September but this year, levels failed to drop below 400 ppm.

    Why’s that a big deal? The 400 ppm mark is considered the red line in the sand and crossing it poses dangerous climate ramifications. Right now we’re at 400 ppm, and we’re adding 2 ppm of carbon dioxide to the atmosphere every year. Unless we are able to change things and turn that around and return to below 350 ppm this century, we risk triggering tipping points and irreversible impacts that will send climate change spinning beyond our control. It will be catastrophic.

    To reverse the damage and do some Superman/ Wonder Woman like planet saving, here are three areas we need to focus our attention towards.

    CLEAN AIR. Air pollution from fossil fuels leads to bad air quality in too many communities. Increases in smog can trigger asthma attacks and exacerbate other chronic health problems. Do not let your child’s health be voted away to protect polluters’ profits. Instead, VOTE to protect little lungs from toxic air pollution.

    CLIMATE CHANGE. The same harmful pollution that is making our children sick is causing rising temperatures and extreme weather events. Our changing climate is making smog worse. It increases respiratory health threats, particularly for people with allergies and asthma. Also, intense heat waves exacerbate heart and lung conditions. VOTE for candidates who support proposals to cut methane emissions from the oil and gas industry. And vote to put our country on a clean energy path while protecting American jobs!

    TOXIC CHEMICALS. Dangerous chemicals are found in our daily lives. They often enter our homes and bodies without our realizing it. In fact, these chemicals may not even have been disclosed, identified or studied. Thousands of toxic chemicals found in everyday products are linked to potential reproductive and developmental toxicity, endocrine disruption, birth defects, cancer, asthma, headaches and skin irritants. Children are among the most vulnerable to such chemicals.

    It really hit home for me when my 9-year-old came to me with tears in her eyes and asked me, “Mommy will the air last long enough for me to grow up?” That broke my heart because while the answer is yes ( just), I didn’t have the heart to tell her that I have no idea what the air we breathe will be like for her children and grandchildren. I can’t make her any guarantees. We’ve ignored the warnings for far too long and now, it falls on our shoulders to literally save the planet for our children.

    Clean Air Moms Action, moms, Presidential election 2016, Clean air act

    Unfortunately, harmful pollution, climate change and toxic chemicals are putting our precious children at risk. It doesn’t have to be this way. It shouldn’t be this way. This doesn’t mean there’s no hope. We just need to collectively get involved, care and make changes. It starts with each one of us.

    On election day your vote can elect candidates who care about these issues. If for nothing else, please vote as if your child’s health depends on it. Because it does. Take the pledge and commit yourself to voting for your child’s future.

    This fall Clean Air Moms Action is traveling the country with a documentary film crew capturing the stories of parents who are fighting daily to protect their children’s health effects of exposure to oil & gas productions, high-tide flood waters, and ground water contamination from coal ash waste sites.

    You can see more videos like this on the Clean Air Moms Action YouTube page

    Please join me in working together to move clean energy forward in the US. by joining the fight to protect our children at cleanairmomsaction.org.

    Next Tuesday, your vote will tell leaders that you care about protecting our children from the harmful effects of toxic air pollution. The same harmful pollution that is making our children sick is causing rising temperatures and extreme weather. It’s our job as parents to protect our babies and their futures.

    Join me by voting. Research candidates with a good record on the environment and vote for them. Join the #CleanAirMomsVote selfie project. Print out the Because I Love sign, fill in the blank, and post it to social media with the hashtag #CleanAirMomsVote

    Learn more on the Clean Air Moms Action website, Facebook, Twitter, and Instagram. Follow the hashtag #CleanAirMomsVote

     

  • The Killer Look Every Woman Needs

    The Killer Look Every Woman Needs

    It’s Friday! Summer is winding down but we’ve got a few lazy weekends left until the leaves start changing color. I don’t know about you but I am looking more forward to this long weekend than I used to look forward to Friday nights when I was in my 20’s.

    I can’t wait to sleep in and have no place to be. Sure, I’d love to be lounging on a beach somewhere but to be honest, after the week we’ve had, that even sounds like too much effort. I just want to relax and enjoy my family. I’m thinking sleeping in, lounging by the pool, cooking out, an outdoor movie and s’mores and wine sound like the plan for me this weekend. Maybe even sneak in a little reading of something other than work related reading.

    Linda Fairstein has a new novel KILLER LOOK and it is page-turner, crime, mystery set in NYC in the fashion world. Anyone who really knows me knows that I have a fashion addiction and a minor in criminology, so this is right up my alley.

    A little bit about Killer Look, New York City is one of the fashion capitals of the world, well-known for its glamour and style. Nowhere is this more apparent than on the runway, where American haute couture continually astounds with its creativity, daring, and innovation in the name of beauty. Yet high fashion means high stakes, as Alex Cooper quickly discovers when businessman and designer Wolf Savage is found dead in an apparent suicide, mere days before the biggest show of his career. When the man’s daughter insists Savage’s death was murder, the case becomes more than a media sensation: It is a race to find a killer in a world created entirely out of fantasy and illusion.
    With her own job at the DA’s office in jeopardy, and the temptation to self-medicate her PTSD with alcohol almost too strong to resist, Alex is not anyone’s first choice for help. But she is determined to uncover the grime—and the possible homicide—beneath the glitz. Along with detectives Mike Chapman and Mercer Wallace, Alex must penetrate the twisted roots and mixed motives among the high-profile players in the Garment District. The investigation takes the trio from the missing money in Wolf Savage’s international fashion house to his own recovery from addiction; from the role of Louisiana Voodoo in his life to his excessive womanizing; and to the family secrets he kept so well-hidden, even from those closest to him—just as things are about to get deadly on the catwalk.

    I don’t know about you but even the synopsis has me on the edge of my seat. With Killer Look, Linda Fairstein proves once again why she is the “Queen of Intelligent Suspense.” And why shouldn’t she be? Linda Fairstein was chief of the Sex Crimes Unit of the district attorney’s office in Manhattan for more than two decades and is America’s foremost legal expert on sexual assault and domestic violence. She, herself, is the inspiration for Mariska Hargitay’s character on Law and Order SVU! Her Alexandra Cooper novels are international bestsellers and have been translated into more than a dozen languages.

    What makes a book about fashion and suspense even better? Getting to wear a little fashion bling yourself while engrossing yourself in a great book!

    Linda Fairstein, Killer Look, Swarovski, Touchstone crystal,fashion

    Thanks to Touchstone and Linda Fairstein, I’m giving away a Swarovski’s Touchstone Crystal Chanelle necklace, a special necklace that is modeled on a famous Swarovski Coco Chanel necklace that was “brought back from the Swarovski archives” by Touchstone Crystal and a copy of Killer Look for one lucky reader!

    a Rafflecopter giveaway

    Enter by telling me what your favorite Killer Look Touchstone piece is and why.

  • The Truth About Life After a Miscarriage

    The Truth About Life After a Miscarriage

    Yesterday, I saw that one of my friends has been posting articles about miscarriage on her Facebook page. Then, I noticed there were more instances where she had shared about this topic. She never said she had one and they were not scholarly or medical articles, they were the kind of articles those of us who have suffered one read. They were the kind of articles we read to make sense of it all. I recognized it because I’ve done the same and written many. Then it hit me like a ton of bricks, she’s probably had a miscarriage and I didn’t know. After all, it’s not something you lead with in an introduction or just bring up out of the blue or at all, especially if you’re not a writer. I forget that sometimes.

    I sat there staring at the screen blankly, hoping and praying that I hadn’t made any stupid comments or jokes like people have done to me over the years. Like me, she has 2 daughters in close proximity and like me, she’s probably gotten the, “when are you having another one?” or “when are you guys going for the little boy?” I’ve got to say, these questions always killed me just a little bit inside because I knew that we had been pregnant that third time and we miscarried. It stings but what am I going to do, explain to every single person that asks me that I miscarried? Spend the rest of my life being able to do nothing more than cry.

    In the first place, it’s not everyone’s business. In the second place, it hurts to talk about it. It’s still a touchy subject for me and I’m not sure it ever won’t be. Some things change you forever. Plus, when I have told people, that still doesn’t guarantee that they won’t say something stupid. I’ve learned that when people are at a loss for what to say, they tend to fill the space with words that they should have kept to themselves. When does this stop hurting?

    It’s been 4 years. This November, I should be celebrating a 4th birthday for my youngest but instead, I will remember while everyone else has forgotten. No, I am not allowed that luxury. I can never forget; the feeling of loss, emptiness and sheer loneliness. I’ve never felt so lonely and alone as I did in those first days after my miscarriage. There were people there who tried to help but having my miscarriage felt as though I had been exiled off to a planet of one, everything else was just noise and none of it made sense.

    I don’t cry anymore, not usually. I do think of my lost baby almost daily. If I see a child the age he/she would be or a family with three children or see my youngest with one of her younger cousins. Or when I see our last name and realize that my husband is the end of his line. I still feel like a failure like I did in those first few days.

    That’s one of the worst parts of a miscarriage, feeling like your body failed you and betrayed the life you were supposed to bring forth into the world.

    I’ve talked about this to my husband and I don’t think he understands exactly what I went through when I lost our baby. For him, I lost a child that never was. For me, I lost the child that could have been; that already was. That loss broke me forever. I have not been the same. I used to feel like God himself betrayed me. This betrayal scarred me too much to ever try again. I knew then and I know now that I cannot survive the pain of a new loss. I’ve still not recovered from the last time.

    People who haven’t had the misfortune of losing a child have said the most unthinkable things to me like… “there must have been something wrong with the baby”, “it must not have been meant to be” and, the absolute worst, “in a way, aren’t you relieved?” And the ever popular, “one of these days when you go to heaven, you’ll get to hold your baby.” I know the intention is well but have you ever thought for one moment that the possibility of holding a child in heaven is a poor substitute for getting to hold him/her everyday here on earth? Every time I’ve heard any of these comments, I’ve had to choke back the tears and stifle my rage. Why would you ever say these things to someone, especially a grieving mother? And no, there is no time limit on grief. I can’t just get over it.

    Which brings me back to why I wrote this piece in the first place, I pray I never ask any woman who experienced a loss when she is going to try for that next baby (because I probably have without knowing it). I know how even the mention of a new baby after a loss feels like a kick to the guts and I never want to be the person who kicks another mom when she’s down. The scary truth is that we don’t get over it, ever. Getting pregnant again, for some of us, is unthinkable and, for others, one of the scariest things we will ever face.

    And to all the moms who have lost their babies, I don’t know when it stops hurting or when we get to stop feeling like a raw nerve, maybe never, but I’m here and I’ve been where you are. I see you. I know the hurt that lives in your heart and I am sorry that any of us ever had to know this reality. All we can do is keep living each day and carrying our lost babies hearts in our hearts. They were here. You are their mothers, forever and for always.

    This is my truth about miscarriage.

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