The TRUTH About Motherhood

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A Field trip, a Goat, and a Gas Leak
Last Thursday (10/7/10) was Bella’s first field trip. It was to be to a farm with a pumpkin patch at which all the children were going to be able to pick out a small baking pumpkin. Apparently, the $5 fee for the patch only covered gas for the bus not necessarily any type of pumpkin of any value, aesthetically or otherwise. It was very exciting. I, of course, volunteered to chaperone. After all, I couldn’t let my baby go off on a bus to God knows where, with God knows who, doing God knows what without being privy to every second of it. We arrive at school,only to find out that the chaperones are not allowed to ride the bus. We have to car pool and meet them there. So much for sitting on the bus with her, holding her hand and taking it all in . I remember when we were little it was required that chaperones rode the bus to help keep the wily kindergartners in control.Apparently, rampant chaos is what they go for these days. After, hitching a ride with the coolest mom I could find and a quick stop at Starbucks ( I told you she was COOL) we met the kids as they were pulling away in the bus bound for the pumpkin patch. Oh, did I forget to mention after being awoken at 5 am by an eager kindergartener, my reward was for the teacher to tell me to go away until 8:20. The kids go into class at 7:50, what the hell were we supposed to do for 30 minutes?Anyways, I am digressing. It started out a little bit of a cluster fuck. I thought maybe my expectations were too high being this was my first field trip as a chaperone.
After much debate,against my better judgment, I left the house that morning armed with only my Point and shoot camera versus the behemoth that I usually sport to any occassion concerning my girls. I thought maybe the teacher would frown upon a chaperone who was preoccupied being the stalkarazzi when she was supposed to be protecting little ones from flying pumpkins, crazed goats, and bee infested horse corals.I left my beloved memory recorder by the front door. Of course, once we arrived at the field trip and I was assigned my 2 children, the teacher issued an APB for a volunteer to take photos. What?? Just so happened that the chaperone who is actually a photographer ( by profession) forgot her camera and the teacher..forgot hers. I had my POS but not really what you want as your memory recorder. Luckily, the cool Mommy that I hitched a ride with had her professional grade camera in the back of her SUV. So funny because we had the conversation on the way in whether or not we should bring our big gun cameras. Needless to say, she became the designated photographer of the day.
The children were having a blast; picking apples off the trees, eating sunflower seeds fresh from the sunflower, picking fresh raspberries, swiss chard, lettuce,carrots, and with each thing the tour guide showed them she encouraged the kids to ” Go ahead, try it! It’s fresh!”The crazy in me wanted to say, “Hell no! That’s dirty!” People, I am not a country girl. Not by any stretch of the imagination, other than being a Mexibilly. The south has had the misfortune of being my host state for about 6 years of our marriage.I can positively say Tennessee was probably as happy to see me go as I was to leave. The south is beautiful, but it is full of fresh and wide open.Tall trees.Bugs.Wild turkeys. Cows. Pigs. Chickens. Bears.( and not the kind that play football on Monday nights),snakes, and More Bugs!
So,when the kids were told to eat all the off the vine food all I heard was here is some bugs and dirt kids….Enjoy!
The kids are loving every moment of their bug, dirt munching. Its all fun and games until they start asking the chaperones to ” Come on try some” Most adults would probably bite the bullet and say, “Oh Ok” in the spirit of being a good example and all. Not me! Sorry folks, I don’t do dirt and I certainly do not do BUGS! Ewwww! Now, maybe if one of my kids’ life depended on it..I’d eat a bug or a little dirt. But, as a rule, I refuse to model behavior that I don’t approve of in the first place. So, just as the kids are beginning the barn part of the tour, all the children simultaneously get a gleam in their eye that signals certain mutiny and chaos are imminent..I blame all the fresh air and mass quantities of fresh picked bug and dirt infested food that they had just consumed. Just as the kids are let loose to terrorize the animals, as children are running off in all directions of the barn yard petting stray barn cats, feeding apples and carrots to the horses, lettuce to the bunnies, corn to the pigs and goats, being chased in every direction by squawking chickens, I scan the joint to find my Bella and the little boy I was assigned. Just in time to see her about to walk face first into the horses mouth and the little boy about to be mauled by a couple attention starved goats. Luckily the horses and goats were close to one another, I grabbed both kids and saved them from becoming fresh food themselves:) Boy, chaperoning chaos is hard work. Thank God for that extra shot in my Toffee Mocha that morning. Then came the most exciting part of the field trip, we were called back to the school due to a gas leak in the entire downtown area, school was being evacuated…actually, the entire downtown was being evacuated.
We were ordered by divine intervention to cut our field trip short.I was all about it. All that fresh air was making it hard for me to breathe and I am pretty sure I was breaking out.But we had one last stop, or hell would have certainly broke out amongst the tiny farm lovers all hopped up on fresh air and homegrown goodness…the pumpkin patch. After, the fastest hay ride ever to the nearest pumpkin patch, all children were instructed to find 1 small,firm, round, green stemmed pumpkin. Of course, they jump out and all run through the vines, tangled up and dropping like flies. I was picking them up and helping them wrestle the pumpkins of their choosing from the vines..now, this was serious chaperone business. It might have been nice to know that I would be needing gloves and a box cutter. No? It’s Ok, I love picking pricks out of my fingers…for the children. After we wrangle all the children back up to the hay truck, we then speedily exit towards the bus. After all, this isn’t all fun and games…downtown has been evacuated because of a gas leak. School could be blowing up for all we know. I let out a sigh of relief as the last kid exits the truck and heads towards the bus, without a single casualty.
Then it happens. The guy driving the truck looks at me and says, “You know, they weren’t suppose to pick those big pumpkins. We were supposed to take them to a field with the small pumpkins but due to the emergency we just took them to the nearest field.”He is very straight faced and not joking. All I could think was I just wrangled 25 kids through a pumpkin patch without a single broken face or skinned knee, I just saved a kid from a crazed goat and a carnivorous horse, and you what Mr. Hay ride driver? Mr. Fresh fruit eater? You want me to compensate you because you took them to the wrong patch? Umm, OK FAWK YOU Mister. I almost had to eat fresh off the vine, bug infested, dirty raspberries. We’ve all made our sacrifices!Now, go feed a pig or something. I ‘ve got to go pick up my car from a lot that may or not be exploding as we speak! The nerve of some people! Hey farm boy, go suck a pumpkin. Wait? Where’s my kid? Oh shit, is she eating more ~~dirty~~ fresh lettuce? Happy Mothering!
2010/10/11
How my Disfigured Mind Caused a Disfigured Body
Disfigured~ to impair (as in beauty) by deep and persistent injuries (real or imagined).
Recently, I watched a movie on Netflix called Disfigured. Disfigured was about two women, one who was severely overweight and the other anorexic. Disfigured began with a group of overweight women sitting in a circle at a meeting for a group for “fat acceptance”. This blew my mind.
What comes first the disfigured mind or the disfigured Body
As many of you are aware I have a history with eating disorders and it’s always been a battle for me to accept the skin I am in. I’m not sure that I’ve ever truly been comfortable in my own skin, it’s been more a range of tolerance. There have been times when I could tolerate the body that I live in more than others but I’ve never looked in the mirror and thought, this is good; I am happy with what I see. When I heard this group of women talking about acceptance, it was a foreign concept to me. In fact, it was so foreign that it was unbelievable.
READ ALSO: To the Bone
I would love to believe that there are women out there who are overweight and are happy. Women who accept and embrace their curves. God, I hope there are. I hope there are actually women in the world who are comfortable in their own skin and love their bodies, every single inch of it. I’m not one of them. I will probably never be one of them just because my way of looking at my body has been fucked up for so long and I have an actual diagnosis ( Body Dysmorphic Disorder) that prevents me from seeing myself as I really am. I feel disfigured at my core. I wish that I could just stop being the way I am. I’ve tried but something always creeps back in and plants a seed of doubt. Watching Disfigured was very uncomfortable for me. It’s hard to explain to you unless you’ve spent your life struggling to achieve an unattainable goal and I am sure some of you have. I feel like I have to creep up on happiness because if it sees me coming it darts off in the opposite direction. It’s a moving target like a toddler being chased in the road.
A disfigured mind can destroy your life.
What transpired next was even more unbelievable to me, or believable or just too fucking relate-able. At this ” fat acceptance” group a recovering anorexic woman walked in and wanted to join the group. I completely understood this. While, I am nowhere near my former bulimic/anorexic self I remember well the feeling of making the choice to recover and having to face the feelings of shame, guilt, anxiety and disgust every single day that you eat normally. When you go from starving yourself, to eating anything at all, it is very uncomfortable. You feel like you are losing control and you feel shame that you can’t control yourself and you feel fat. Yes, fat. Even if you are bone-thin and to everyone else, you look like you need to gain weight. When you are in that part of recovery…you truly do need to learn fat acceptance.
Disfigured Soul
Of course, the anorexic walked in the room and the women who were moments earlier preaching acceptance just as quickly threw her out. She was reaching out for help and they wouldn’t help her because she was too thin. I guess acceptance is a one-way street. They wanted acceptance but only for themselves and only on their terms. This pissed me off. I have been on both sides of this spectrum and both are equally as hard, as dangerous, unhealthy and both leave you feeling ugly and disfigured.Unwanted.Unworthy of happiness. Both make you feel like you are weak. Both fill you with shame and cause your quality of life to suffer. The two main characters became an unlikey pair trying to help the other find acceptance of herself through accepting one another,even though they were one another’s biggest fear. They had everything in common even though their respective situations would lead you to believe otherwise. They both were uncomfortable in the skin they were in.
READ ALSO: A Day in the Life of a Girl with Eating Disorders
The identification with both characters had a very profound effect on me. It’s so hard to look at yourself when you are ashamed of what you see in the mirror, too fat or too skinny. It’s not physical at all, it’s all that your perception is of yourself. It’s hard to accept responsibility for making the choices that make you feel so worthless. Unhappiness with what I see in the mirror comes from putting conditions on my own happiness and hiding behind self-imposed superficial limitations. The reason that I can’t be happy with my body is that I am hanging the success of my entire life on what I look like. How ridiculous is that? How has it taken me all this time to finally see what the obstacle truly is? It’s me. I need to get out of my own way.
I need to accept that I deserve all the happiness that the world has to offer. Not when I get the perfect body, the perfect life or only when what I see reflected back to me is acceptable by my impossible standards. I am good enough now! Right now. I have not thrown up or restricted my calories to dangerous levels in about 12 years but I’ve also not allowed myself to fully enjoy my journey. I have to learn to love and accept myself with the unconditional love that I have for others.
What stops you from reaching your bliss? Do you make your happiness conditional based on money? weight? your partner? your house? degrees of success? your child? Why do we have to wait for tomorrow to enjoy our today? We have been misguided. We are not disfigured. This is the almost story of how a disfigured mind destroyed my life.
2011/12/28
Throat Punch Thursday ~It’s Not over til the World’s Fattest Woman Sings or Dies…. whichever comes first Edition
Willfully the World’s Fattest Woman, Susanne Eman is a 32 year old single mother from Casa Grande, Arizona. Her sons are Gabriel, 16, and Brendin , 12. She has already bypassed Donna Simpson’s record at 50 stone. In case you were wondering, 50 stone is 700 pounds. Her goal is to be 115 stone by the time she is 41 or 42. That is 1610 pounds. That, my friends, is a metric ton. That is completely disgusting to me. Really? Does she actually think she will live that long?
The World’s Fattest Woman says she feels sexy at 50 stone
I am especially sickened by the fact that she has 2 children, whom she is demonstrating this destructive behavior.How involved of a mother can she really be if she is spending all of her time confined to a wheelchair, consumed with thoughts of reaching her goal of the World’s Fattest Woman and constantly maintaining her 21,962 calorie a day diet. 21962!!!! Seriously, how much food has to be consumed to get that many calories? It has to be like a full time job. Can you imagine the grocery bill? Who’s paying for this journey to suicide by gluttony?
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Brilliant she is not only trying to kill herself she is making her boys accessories to suicide!
She says that she feels sexy at this size. That her body is like poetry in motion, because it moves on it’s own ( her words not mine). She commented in an article in the Sun that at 35 stone she noticed she got more attention from men. Yeah!Because they had never seen someone that large before, in person. I’m not sure of the true motive behind this ghastly quest. I can’t fathom EVER intentionally wanting to be the World’s Fattest Woman. I think it is commendable when women can find beauty and comfort in their body at any size. If she truly has this, I am happy for her. But having been overweight, knowing many others who have been overweight…I have never met a single woman who has been satisfied being overweight. For some it’s a vanity issue, for others it’s a health issue, but in all cases none of them said “You know what? I really love having a muffin top, a gunt and more than my fair share of chins. I adore being out of breath when I walk a flight of stairs. I love all the attention and think I’d like to up the ante and gain a bit more.” NEVER have I heard these words said aloud. I’m pretty sure they are not very often thought either. If I am wrong, please weigh in. I want to hear what you have to say. If that’s you, KUDOS! You are braver and stronger than I. I prefer to try and put that effort into getting healthy and comfortable in my own skin, not outgrowing it.
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Well, at least she stretches before her heavy lifting..walking under her own weight.
Conditioning to be the World’s Fattest Woman
Let’s be clear, I don’t find this situation to be amusing in any way. I don’t find humor in other people’s pain but she seems to embrace her girth. I am saddened that she is on this quest. I am saddened that she is so selfish that she has no consideration as to how this might effect her sons; their lives; their own eating and lifestyle habits. Does she not care that she could be indirectly contributing to their untimely demise? She can’t actively engage with them. Not to mention the fact that her kids have Gilbert Grape’s Mom as their actual Mom. I’m sure the media spectacle she is making of herself has made them the target of an excess of teasing. Plus, can you imagine the sort of men she is attracting? She says that she has been getting more male attention. She brings these sort of fetish freaks to the house around her sons?
*Disclaimer: As for calling people with fetishes ..freaks, I don’t think they are freaks because they want to get some big girl lovin. I think everyone deserves love. But in the article it made it sound as if she dates men who are seeking big women for sex. I think that is not the kind of behavior she should be doing around her children. If she has a love den somewhere and sleeps with randoms, that’s her business. But again, not a good example for her kids. And let me be clear, I don’t care what people do in their own bedrooms. Freaky is fine with me. I’m just saying, as I’d tell any thin friend who had random men over her house who wanted furry sex or even plain old missionary, don’t have randoms in and out of your bedroom if you have children present. That’s my opinion. It only counts to me.
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No, this isn't embarrassing..not at all. Those poor boys!
Susanne Eman you get my Throat Punch this Thursday for being a bad example Mommy. You are obligated to live a healthy life to be alive to raise your sons and get them to adulthood. You brought them into the world. It is your responsibility to make sure that they live happy and healthy lives. From where I sit, it looks like you may be falling short on both counts. For this, you get a giant Throat Punch. I hope it knocks the tacos and cookies out of your hand long enough to make you realize that what you are doing is NOT good for yourself or your children.
If you have a Throat Punch this week, please follow me in GFC, grab the Throat Punch Thursday badge under the buttons tab at the top of the page and insert it into your post. Then leave a comment here so that we can all come read your Throat Punch Post!
*Photos from the Sun article
World’s Fattest Woman, Throat Punch Recipient
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2011/08/25
Five Fabulous Bloggers
Thanks to Trop50 for sponsoring my writing about fabulous bloggers. This year Trop50 is granting 50 Fabulous Wishes. Click here to enter for a chance to win $1,000 to celebrate a friend with a refreshing attitude about looking and feeling fabulous!
I have been absent from my weekly Fab Five Friday due to the fact that I have been running an entire month of bloggy love. I’ve been sharing amazing bloggers with you every Monday thru Thursday in an effort to share my favorite reads with you. But I have a mother of all Fab Fives today…right smack dab in the middle of the week.

*Krysta of My Life in Food is an amazing food blogger but she also blogs about life and her family. She is an absolute sweetheart and can cook like the love child of Paula Dean and the Barefoot Contessa. I love visiting her blog because it is great recipes for every woman. They may look gourmet and even taste it, but Krysta breaks it down so that even the most amateur cook ( like myself) can whip up a respectable meal for their family. She’s a little hidden gem blog that I look forward to visiting as often as possible, now I am sharing her with you. I am serious when I tell you, you MUST follow her. She really is too awesome not to…and adorable, did I mention how adorable she is?

*Melissa of Married my Sugar Daddy is truly one of the most entertaining bloggers I read. She writes with wit,charm and honesty. The combination is magical. You will find yourself laughing, crying and shaking your head in complete agreement with her posts. She is a talented writer and you will thank me for introducing you to Melissa and her tales of marrying the love of her life, Sugar Daddy, and living her fairytale; which includes children, no sleep and a constant state of wondering if she’s doing it all right. My kind of fairytale!

*Josh of Dad Street My name is Josh, I’m completely and utterly in love with my children and when I’m not drooling over them I’m doing one of the following: drinking wine, taking pictures, playing with my iPhone, listening to an audio book, trying some kind of new food, surfing online, sleeping, watching TV, yappin’ on the phone, and last but not least trying to spend quality time with “The Boss”. Oh, and I’m extremely sarcastic so please note that about 92% of what I say is crap. True crap but crap nonetheless…
What’s not to love,right? So, if you are not familiar with Josh, please do yourself a favor and stop over at www.DadStreet.com and check him out.

*Cecily of Uppercase Woman (*These are Cecily’s words not mine) Cecily Kellogg is a writer. She also deeply loves using the worst possible language, she’s unapologetically fat, a feminist, a former drunk and junkie with fifteen years sober, a wife, and a mother of the most beautiful little girl in the world. She’s also very liberal (there are drag queens more politically conservative). She’s also famous in the most obscure way she could find: as @CecilyK on Twitter.
I think Cecily is awesome because she is honest and forthright.I have gotten to know her best through Twitter and it has lead me to her blog.It is all very transparent and I love the fact that she lays it all out there for us to read. She is unapologetic in the best possible way.I love no B.S. and she certainly delivers. If you want to be engaged, entertained and feel like you are part of a conversation and not just a third party observer…Cecily is your blogger.

Last, but certainly not least,
* Anissa of #FreeAnissa This was me before I got married, had three kids, had a stroke, had a toddler with cancer, started a blog, then had more strokes, and became inspirational. You may not be able to tell from there, but I am totally rolling my eyes. *This excerpt from her About page should give you just a taste of her incredible sense of humor.
I have gotten to know Anissa, as I get to know most of my favorite bloggers, via Twitter and that led me to her blog. Anissa has a unique perspective on life and an equally unique voice in the world. She is strong, smart and just about as funny as they come. She finds wit and humor in the mundane and ordinary. She makes me appreciate the little things by pointing out the triviality it plays in the big picture. She will not allow herself to be defined by circumstances. She exceeds the bar in every way. And for all that she does, she still finds time to offer kindness to a fellow blogger. She is fast becoming one of my favorite bloggers in the blogiverse. Do yourself a favor and go and read her blog. I give you my word, you will be thanking me for introducing you to such awesomeness.

Don’t forget to enter the 50 Fabulous Wishes contest for a chance to win $1,000 to celebrate a friend with a refreshing attitude about looking and feeling fabulous. I was selected for this Tropicana Trop50 sponsorship by the Clever Girls Collective, which endorses Blog With Integrity, as I do. I received compensation to use and facilitate my post.[/fusion_builder_column][/fusion_builder_row][/fusion_builder_container]
2011/05/25
Throat Punch Thursday~Bei Bei Shuai Rat Poison Feticide edition
Throat Punch Thursday~Bei Bei Shuai Rat Poison Feticide edition
This week, unfortunately, I did not have to turn to CNN for a Throat Punch Thursday’s recipient, Bei Bei Shuai. No, all I had to do was turn on my local news. I generally hate when that happens. It can never be a good sign when someone that close to home does something so equally stupid and heinous. Without further ado, I give you Bei Bei Shuai. Have you heard of Bei Bei? I’m sure that many of you have already heard of her. He story takes place back in March, how she has escaped receiving a Throat Punch this far is beyond me.
INDIANAPOLIS — An Indianapolis woman who tried to commit suicide by eating rat poison near the end of her pregnancy was charged with murder in the death of her baby.

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AP Photo

Bei Bei Shuai, 34, was arrested Monday and appeared in court Wednesday on charges of knowingly killing a viable fetus and attempted feticide, prosecutors said. The court entered an automatic plea of not guilty for Shuai, who is in custody. She was dumped by her piece of work boyfriend and went off the deep end. I don’t think she was trying to kill the baby as much as kil herself and the baby was collateral damage. Either way, pretty messed up situation.
Shuai consumed rat poison while 33 weeks pregnant, prosecutors said. On December 23, she was taken to a hospital where she admitted to taking rat poison in an attempt to kill herself after her boyfriend left her, according to a police statement.Apparently, her piece of shit boyfriend broke the news to her at 33 weeks that he couldn’t marry her because he was already married. I do understand her disappointment, dismay and even her full on freak out but ingesting rat poisoning is crazy. Sure it’s depressing to see that your entire future was based on a lie and it’s never going to come to fruition.Having a mental breakdown, even contemplating homicide all make more sense to me than going to Home Depot and buying a bag of rat poisoning and then proceeding to eat it.
Bei Bei Shuai Rat Poison Feticide edition
Shuai’s baby girl, Angel Shuai, was born alive on December 31. On January 3, the baby died after being taken off life support. An autopsy determined that the cause of death was her mother’s ingestion of the poison, police said. You see why she deserves a Throat Punch?
Shuai, is the co-owner of a small Indianapolis restaurant, is from China and has no family members in the United States, according to her lawyer, Linda Pence. Pence called the prosecution “mean-spirited” and “horrible” and wants to have the charges dismissed. Oh, they are mean because they are calling her a killer? Well, actually, isn’t that what she is?
“This young woman is truly one of the kindest, most gentle people I’ve ever met,” said Pence. Pence said Shuai’s boyfriend had promised to marry her and help raise the child, and then dumped her, leaving her crying on her knees in a parking lot. Shuai was near a hardware store, so she bought the poison to kill herself. Agreed her boyfriend is a piece of work but she’s the one who made the choice to eat rat poison.Even if she didn’t intentionally kill the baby, she tried to kill herself and didn’t care what came of the baby. Either way, at the very least, she was careless and reckless.
Pence said Shuai had been happy about the baby, and had bought baby clothes. The baby died in her arms after she had rocked it “for hours and hours,” Pence said.
Pence said there is a common law immunity for pregnant women who attempt to harm themselves — or else prosecutors could charge any woman who drank or took drugs. Pence said the law against killing fetuses is meant to target third parties — as in the case of a robber who shoots a pregnant woman. I’m not sure that I want the government to go down this slippery slope but I do know that she needs to be held accountable.
So, this week the Throat Punch goes to the crazy lady having the mental breakdown over a man whose first thought was “hmm, I think I’ll go eat some rat poison”. You, my dear, need a Throat Punch to dislodge your head out of your ass. I am sorry your boyfriend turned out to be a douche but killing yourself and your baby earns you a punch, Bei Bei Shuai.
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2011/06/23
Casey Anthony Jury Gives Free Pass to Homicidal Mommy
Today, a travesty of epic proportions has taken place in our judicial system, Casey Anthony was not found guilty of killing her little girl, Caylee Anthony. Casey Anthony was the mother, and I use this term loosely, of the 2-year-old murder victim. I, like most mothers in the world, was emotionally outraged from the court room antics and the entire situation surrounding the case.
Casey Anthony Jury Gives Free Pass to Homicidal Mommy
Do I know how it happened? No! Do I know for certain that she murdered Caylee? No! I understand that evidence was lacking and that the prosecution didn’t exactly do a stellar job. I understand there was a lot of speculation on people’s parts and circumstantial evidence but the bottom line is that Caylee Anthony is dead and her Mom had a part in it. Whether she killed her on purpose or Caylee drown on accident, either way, evidence points to the fact that Casey concealed it. Bottom line is that Casey’s job was to protect Caylee and Casey became the very thing that every other Mother fears the most…a predator.
The defense says Casey Anthony was molested by her father. While tragic and awful in the worst kind of way ( if it is, in fact, true), it in no way excuses a mother from killing her child. It’s being inferred that it was an accident. Perhaps it was, but what mother in their right mind would actively conceal an accident? Why were the authorities not called immediately? Her father was a detective, the man accused of molesting her. It was rumored that he had a hand in helping her to get rid of the body. Why would a person who worked in law enforcement even think to do this?
Casey Anthony Jury Gives Free Pass to Homicidal Mommy
I’m confused as to why one would be afraid to report an accidental drowning? Isn’t that less heinous than the alternatives? Couldn’t reporting the supposed accident have eliminated this entire murder trial circus? If it were an accidental drowning, why wrap Caylee’s head in duct tape, leave her in her car to rot and go about clearing her head while dancing the night away at some club? Then moving forward with the brilliant plan to dump Caylee’s poor little lifeless body in the nearby woods. Or was it on purpose? The thought is too horrific to even fathom. At this point is that question even relevant? The woman killed her kid or at the very least concealed her body and hindered the investigation..for what? She is culpable by sheer knowledge of the incident.
During the trial, Casey’s mother changed her testimony to try and protect Casey and divert blame to herself. Believe me, I understand trying to save your daughter. That’s how we mothers work, obviously, that trait wasn’t passed on to Casey. I do believe that there are 3 people who know what happened to Caylee Anthony; Casey, her mother, and her father. At one point, George Anthony was so overcome by grief or guilt that he tried to kill himself. I am disgusted with our justice system. We are allowing these people to walk free in the world while Caylee no longer has that privilege. I believe that Casey Anthony should be incarcerated for killing her daughter for the remainder of her natural born life and at the very least, she should be sterilized. She doesn’t, in my opinion, deserve to be able to mother another child.
Casey Anthony is a deranged sociopath. The fact that the jury saw fit to let her off of the charges really makes me question the whole trial by jury situation. Apparently, the prosecution dropped the ball and, aside from the court room drama, fell short in the evidential area. The defense team, however, led by Jose Baez, planted a tiny seed of doubt in the jurors head and that was enough to let a guilty woman go free.
Casey Anthony Jury Gives Free Pass to Homicidal Mommy
No matter what the case may be, Caylee Anthony is still dead and Casey Anthony will never hold her precious baby in her arms again. For this, I am saddened for them both.
2011/07/05
Self-Worth~I’m No beauty Queen,I’m Just Beautiful Me
Today, I’m linking up my Self-Worth post @ Ciaomom.com. I stumbled across her link up as, one by one, all of my Twitter friends were sharing it. Of course, I wanted to know what all the excitement was about and then I read her post and I knew. In a world full of self-doubt and deprecation, she is spreading the idea of self-love and self-worth. Can you imagine?
Self-Worth
I am the Mommy of two daughters and my biggest fear in the WORLD is that they will follow in my footsteps down a path of self-doubt and poor body image. In my teens, like most girls, I was very unsure of my place in the world. I was tall before any of the boys in my middle school. Then puberty hit and all the body changes that accompany. In a matter of a summer, I went from the cute, smart girl with the big almond eyes to being an amazon by middle school standards, breakouts, breast buds, braces, body hair, hips and being extremely uncomfortable in this new foreign body. 8th grade was a hard year for me. I no longer tried to stand out for excellence, I wanted to be invisible. I was afraid that if someone saw me they would notice (or worse) point out my flaws.
It didn’t help that my parents were both in great shape. My dad was very athletic and, once puberty started for me, he had the habit of telling me that I “needed” to run more. In my head, I heard ” You are not good enough yet, you need to run so that you can be perfect and worthy of love“. This plants a seed of self-loathing. Have I told you how much I hate running to this day? My already uncomfortable place in my new skin became unbearable. By the time I left for college, I was so afraid of the Freshman 15 that everyone had been sure to warn me of that I was resigned to subsist on the least amount of calories possible. 17, that was the age I was when I started on my 8 year battle with anorexia/bulimia. I never binged and purged. Never. I was a perfectionist. I starved myself to about 600 calories a day and then I vomited it all up. Everything, even water. If it went into my mouth, it came out almost immediately after. The very thought of food in my stomach was enough stress mentally to make me vomit involuntarily. It left me feeling NOT GOOD ENOUGH!
But this is not what I want for my girls. I want them to have an exorbitant amount of self-confidence, self-esteem and most importantly
Self-Worth
To do this, I have to lead by example so here is my list of what I love about myself ( after years of therapy and self-understanding:)
I love those big, crazy almond eyes of mine because I can see and cherish my daughters’ daily
I love my voice because it sings to my girls and speaks to those I love
I love my hair, it’s curly and sometimes straight and it’s beautiful
I love my strength of character because it has helped me to survive my past and go after my future
I love my resolve because it helped me overcome 8 years of eating disorder
I love my intelligence and wisdom to know what I can change and what I can not (even when it’s hard to accept).
I love my laugh, it’s loud and crazy like Ricky Ricardo but it is authentic and when you hear it; my heart is happy
I love my body for allowing me to conceive, grow and birth my children
I love my wit and humor which has allowed me to keep perspective
I love my personality that has landed me my wonderful husband ( of course the 25-year-old tits and ass didn’t hurt either:)
I love my uncanny knack to assess a situation, size up people and never back down from anything
I love that I don’t know the word quit
I love that I am so socially charged that I am NEVER uncomfortable in a group, in fact, I thrive amongst people
I love that I am honest to a fault
I love that I am genuine
I love that I love with the same faith in people that I have in God
I love that I can forgive and move past circumstances
I love that I have grown to love my own skin for all that it’s worth ( I still battle the body dysmorphic disorder) but even on days when my eyes are unhappy with the mirror, my mind knows better.
I love that I am not perfect but I am worth it. To quote Selena Gomez ( yeah I have kids…busted), I’m no beauty queen, I’m just beautiful me and that is better than good enough. And today, “I WOULDN’T WANT TO BE ANYONE ELSE!” Where does your self-worth come from?

Self-Worth

2011/07/14
No More Wire Hangers~Apparently,I’m Not who You want teaching You how to Raise your Child
Oh, I really wanted to write something super upbeat today but then today started off pretty shitty. In pretty much every sense of the word, use your imagination. It was just one of those days when you wish you could stay in bed and hide from the world. But we get up and we power through, it feels like what I imagine it to be like trudging through the Amazon on one of those perfectly outrageously balmy days with a heat index of 125, covered in bugs and dirt feeling like you’d like to be anywhere but there. You know the kind of day I’m talking about. If you’re lucky, its been so long that you don’t remember how awful these kinds of days are but if you are not so lucky you are right here with me fighting for your living breath. The air is thick but the view is beautiful.
That is my life these days. Summer is passing by at warp speed. The girls and myself are ecstatic to be joining the Big Guy under the same roof in less than a month. Of course that roof happens to belong to my in laws and you know how that goes. I’m really looking forward to it since on our last visit, I was “teased” that I needed to be up before noon. Uhhm, have I mentioned before that I am an insomniac and stress makes it worse? It’s summer time, I am trying to soak in every single minute the girls will let us sleep past 6 am. Am I wrong for that? By the way, I’ve not slept in til noon since my honeymoon. And that’s just a scoatch of what is to come. Oh the anticipation!
I had my annual physical this morning and the bad news is that my hair won’t stop falling out until the stress is gone. Fingers crossed, I’m not completely bald before it’s all said and done. Good news, doctor said I’m so stressed to not worry about the weight gain lest I cause more hair to fall out. Wow! A fat and bald girl…can you say SUPER DUPER sexy? I’m thinking no chance of any accidental pregnancies around here.
Then I was told in a super secret email from one of my readers that I am filthy and profane. She also told me that she is a parent educator and she would never (*No more wire hangers) recommend me as a source to her parents. Well, seriously what the fuck am I supposed to do with that? Was there ever any real danger that someone would mistake my blog for a parent education tool? This is satire, humour and reality..my reality. I don’t expect any one of you to tell your family or friends to use me as their go to source for parenting. If so, heaven help us all. I expect you smart people to learn from my mistakes not repeat them!

2011/07/19
Tampons, Treatises and the Toddlerish set
Have you heard the one about the box of disappearing tampons? Can you explain it to me?
*TMI alert! Tampons
My girls do everything with me. With the Big Guy out of town, the attachment parenting has been taken to an entirely different level. I want boundaries. I want to wax my lip in private. I want to change a freaking tampon without having to make it seem like a magic trick where no one sees anything.Oohhh, its an illusion. My littlest once caught a glimpse of something and gasped and almost fainted because apparently she thought I had cut myself and was bleeding out.I went with it. Yes, Mommy has a booboo. I’m OK, I just have to use one of my special Mommy band aids. So, the girls KNOW that those are Mommy’s special band aids.
Imagine my surprise when I went to find one of my “special” band aids and NONE were to be found. I was getting flashbacks of the missing toothpaste incident. Oh wait, I know..look in the garbage. Remember where I found the girl’s missing hair? There they were… an entire boxes worth of applicators. APPLICATORS!!! Where were the cotton balls attached to string? Nowhere to be found that is where. What was going through their mind when they did this? Are they anti Tampon? Pro Diva Cup? Trying desperately to save me from a gnarly case of Toxic Shock Syndrome?
Tampons and Treatises
I interrogated those two littles for almost 2 hours. There was a lot of ” I didn’t do it”s, “Ask her”s and “I don’t know Mommy” followed by tears, hyperventilating and finger pointing. But still NO FREAKING COTTON. Those kids are unbreakable! They should bypass kindergarten and go straight to the CIA. Let’s be honest, I’m not married to David Blaine or David Copperfied and I sure as hell don’t think that Tampax can evaporate. So, as I sit there bewildered with my Diva Cup in hand wondering where the hell all the cotton in my house has gone to, I go for the last ditch effort to get myself an answer.
“Tell me where the cotton balls are Abbi?”
Abbi,”The Ones with the strings”
“yes!”
“Uhhm, Me no know!”
“Tell me or I’m taking away your tv for a week”
“Mommy, how long is a week?”
“7 days!”
“One, two, three, ….seven. Me can do that!” and with that she skipped off into the sunset.
I just hope the next person who comes to my house for a showing doesn’t open a closet or drawer and get attacked by an army of zombie Tampax tampons wondering the world aimlessly searching for their applicator counterparts.
Tampons, Treatises and the Toddlerish Set
2011/07/19
The Breast Milk Baby Doll Dooms the Free World
The Breast Milk Baby Doll Dooms the World, or that’s what some people would have you think. By now, I’m sure all of you social media savvy parents have heard the controversy of this completely innocent doll. The doll which is manufactured by Berjuan toys is simply a cute baby doll that comes in 6 styles ( male, female, variety of ethnicities) and can simulate a breastfeeding baby. It helps little girls to simulate being just like their Mommy. I think it’s sweet, precious even. Just like I did when my oldest child would simulate feeding her babies while I breastfed my youngest. How could anyone find it offensive? It’s not like the manufacturers are suggesting you make ice cream from the simulated breast milk? Isn’t breastfeeding the most natural thing in the world? It’s part of the magic of motherhood, right?
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If this looks sexual to you, YOU are the one with the problem…not this little girl.
The Breast Milk Baby Doll
The breast milk baby doll comes with a small apron that is outfitted with 2 small flowers on the chest area that are magnetized and cause a “suckling” when the baby doll is drawn near. The doll’s purpose is help children learn to be more nurturing and loving, not perverts as some would have you believe. It’s not a blow job baby, now is it? Now, that would be sexualization.
It really irritates me that people would get so up in arms about a doll that is emulating a natural, wholesome way to nurture future babies. Nobody gives a rats ass if our little girls play with dolls that take bottles, wear pampers, cry, pee, poop and eat pretend baby food (which by the way I totally do give a rats ass about! Dude, who do you think has to clean up all that simulated pee and poop? ME! One more diaper to change! Now, that’s offensive.) But the minute you throw a doll that perpetuates a more natural lifestyle, people cry sexualization. How is breastfeeding sexualization? Jeez, it’s not like that Single Ladies video of scantily dressed children from last year. It’s a suckling baby doll, people!
The Breast Milk Baby Doll
I, personally, think if ANYONE sees another person breastfeeding and finds the experience arousing or sexual …they are the person with the issue. They are the pervert. If it were a doll that necessitated a simulated sexual encounter to release it from it’s box, I’d consider that sexualization. But just because a company happens to be pioneers in providing a doll that does what millions of little girls have been doing for thousands of years does not make the breast milk baby doll the doom of the free world.
The Breast Milk Baby Doll
What are your thoughts on this doll? Would you be offended if you saw a child “breastfeeding” their “baby”? Why? Why not? Would you buy your child the Breast milk Baby Doll?[/fusion_builder_column][/fusion_builder_row][/fusion_builder_container]
2011/07/20