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Judgy Moms Suck

by Deborah Cruz

Throat Punch Thursday,Judgymoms

As many of you know by now, this month I am celebrating my second blogiversary by having some of my bloggy friends share their Truths about Motherhood.I started this blog ,in part, because I wanted to share the truth but I also really wanted a place where other moms could come and see that they are not alone, that none of us are perfect.Perfect parenting is a myth! After reading the Truths of my fellow moms, their bravery,willingness to share and the vulnerability they have shown I am convinced more than ever that judgy moms deserve a really big throat punch.

I know we all have our preconceived notions as to what motherhood is supposed to look,feel and be like from the outside. The damn parenting books do absolutely nothing to prepare us for the real thing. It’s easy to sit way up on a judgmental petal-stool when you have been spoon fed bullshit. But once we actually experience it, are in the wake of it, then we should change our way of thinking.

It’s become the norm to mercilessly judge our fellow Mommies, while behind closed doors we secretly feel their pain…in triplicate. Wouldn’t it make more sense if we could all just be honest with one another in the first place and share our war stories; good and bad. If we could be honest, we could be supportive,we could lend an ear,we could build one another up instead of tear each other down. Life would be so much better for all of us.

So to all you Mommies, who haven’t figured it out yet..sisterhood is so much better than isolation. I don’t know about you but I’d much rather be having a party with my peers than be stranded on an island by myself. So this weeks throat punch, well more like a slap on the wrist goes to judgy Mommies. You are only getting a Chuck Norris slap because I think you know not what you do. Come read some of these truths of my guests or read my daily ones…this is the way it;s supposed to be. We support one another through motherhood. We share our ups and downs. We help each other make it through the rough patches and we are one another’s greatest cheerleaders in our parenting successes. Don’t fall victim to another throat punch…come join the party.It’s a lot more fun with a little help with your friends than being in the ocean of parenting without a life preserver.

Throat Punch, Chuck Norris, Judgy Moms suck

Also, to see the sisterhood in action. Go check out  Bruna at Beeswithhoney.com; every Friday she features a blogger to share with the rest of her community because she is awesome at the sisterhood through motherhood. She is a great blogger, with a lot of insight into motherhood and a wonderful all around person. This week I have the distinct pleasure of being her featured blogger. Go check it out.

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Leighann 2011/05/13 - 2:56 pm

I couldn’t agree more.
The judgy mom is never any fun to be around!
Congrats in being featured at Brunas.

Rach 2011/05/13 - 3:28 pm

Can I just say thank you for the throat punch? I used to be one of those judge-y people–before I had a kid. After she was born? I wanted to hurl those stupid books across the room, call up the authors and SCREAM at them to come over and SHOW me to work their “magic.” I could write a book.

I turned to my other mommy friends and most were supportive. Sadly, a couple weren’t because they had easy textbook babies and just couldn’t understand that things are different when you have a fussy colicky baby. Aaargh!

I have no time for the fake mommy routine anymore. Let’s be real.

Polish Mama on the Prairie 2011/05/13 - 8:02 pm

Yey! Congrats on the guest post. So glad to have met you both. And yes, the judgy mom sucks. I hope to not be ever seen as one. I like to give information when it’s something I know about, been there done that sort of thing. And I hope other moms would do the same for me for something they know about. But that’s not the same as being “judgy”. Judgy is just mean. And mean people suck. lol Hugs!

Katrina 2011/05/13 - 8:29 pm

Girl I love you and I think you know that already! Debi it pleases me to stop by here weekly and catch up…I have always wondered how those girls I went to school with posted those pretty little pictures on Facebook of that “picturesque” family, know good & damn well what they were hiding was a life of ups & downs, potty training gone astray for 6 months because you would rather change a diaper full of shit than clean a pair of underwear full of shit…settle for having your kid sleep in the bed with you but tell everyone around you how great of a sleep they are…hahaha! You’re right I want someone who understands my pain & stand there with me while I moan & complain about it.

Thanks again!

Missy | The Literal Mom 2011/05/13 - 9:38 pm

Love it. Together, we are stronger. I wish more people realized this great truth of parenting.

A Mommy in the City 2011/05/14 - 9:56 am

I totally agree with you! This is why I love the blogging community because we can come together and get advice and meet other great moms who have dealt with similar situations.

Bruna 2011/05/14 - 12:26 pm

I couldn’t agree with your more Debi! Judgmental Moms need to just quit it and get a life. Us Moms need to stick together and support one anothe through this journey of Motherhood. Mom power all the way!

Alex | Perfecting Dad 2011/05/16 - 11:14 pm

Hi Ladies, I ain’t no momma but I like hanging with you and I want help judging a momma. I am inspired to ask a question, because I really my neighbour needs a throat punch. Please tell me if I’m out of line.

Her kid, while over playing with my kids, runs me over with a scooter full speed, blasting red hot pain through my ankle. I turn around, wail “Oww, that hurt.” The kid looks at me and smiles. I feel rage welling up. “That hurt me, say sorry.” The kid laughs out loud at me. I get close in his face and tell him, “No you’re done with this.” and physically remove him from the scooter, which was mine, and put the scooter away, then leave the area. A few seconds later I hear his momma calling him, then I see the kid motoring around on the scooter again. Him mom gave it back to him. I look around for her and find her at the dining-room table. She’s positively vibrating. She says in a voice croaky from emotion “If there is something with my child, come tell me. I never treat your children like that” I told her that he rammed my leg as hard as he could and then laughed at me instead of saying sorry. She said “It was an accident, I saw it, you didn’t need to do it.”

I got embarassed and confused because I couldn’t remember exactly what I’de done. Did I scream at the kid? Did I push him over? Did I hurt him? I didn’t want to make a scene only to be found clearly in the wrong so I just apologized to her, then later to the kid. After everyone left I asked my wife and she said that I did raise my voice (borderline yelling) but that’s all she knew besides that the mother was super-angry. The kid definitely didn’t get hurt, and he was playing again seconds after the incident. So now I felt confident that I didn’t rage out on the kid inappropriately, I just raised my voice essentially from the pain and frustration of having this kid first hurt me and then laugh at me.

Now I’m angry at the mother for teaching her kid that even when he laughs at people after hurting them, she’ll be right there to save him, making sure that he can still use the neighbour’s toy that he just finished assaulting him with. I think I should have kicked them both out of the house instead of apologizing. Do I have a right to virtually throat punch her or what? By the way, this kid is a pathological liar — he’ll hurt other kids or steal their stuff and when discovered he will fake cry or lie or any other thing to avoid the wrath of mother, which is unnecessary because she never does anything anyway. Judging from the way she acted afterwards she probably hates our family (me mostly obviously) at least for the next little while. I feel really bad about that, but I think it’s her doing.

Truthful Mommy 2011/05/16 - 11:53 pm

I think that kid has a bad case of Nellie Olsen syndrome a la Little House on the Prairie ( God, I always just wanted to pull that broads curls out..she was so mean). That being said, no matter how big a douche bag the kid may be…I mom will always side with her kid if he is threatened…or she feels he is threatened. I understand that you were frustrated and hurt (physically) but your best bet would be to not say anything to the kid, approach the mother and explain the scenario,see how she deals with it. If she doesn’t…never invite that broad or her kid back again, Sounds like hes got issues and she’s an enabler:) But I assure you ,if you try to handle another person;s kid ( no matter if you are right or wrong) that Mom will turn on you. It;s in our DNA to protect them, no matter what. Your feelings were valid, but ) as I always remind my husband) YOU are the adult…they are the children…if you find yourself going to battle with a child..you’ve already lost the battle. P.S. THis is not being said from a high horse, I have certainly embarked on many of a counterpoint arguments with my 6 year old ( See, I lost the battle:)

Of course you could go an entirely different route, ignore what happened and then trip the little monster:)

Alex | Perfecting Dad 2011/05/17 - 10:33 am

I definitely know what the mom felt because as the Dad I also instinctively feel like “What is that person doing to my kid” before I feel like “What did my kid do to that person.” Looking back I really am feeling that I did less and less wrong. Maybe I’m just justifying. All I did was take back my toy. I didn’t try to teach the kid anything, I didn’t punish the kid. I just left.

Talking with my wife, she said she is also uncomfortable with other people criticizing the kid but she always assumes that the kids did something to deserve it first 🙂

So next time I get run over I say “Ow you hurt me.” to the kid, and then when I see that the kid has a smirk on his face I go to the mom. Here’s how she’s gonna handle it “Grasshopper, you simply must be more careful next time. You bumped that poor man.” I guess it’s a no-win.

The father of that kid didn’t even seem to care, he just kept shooting the s**t with all of us so he obviously wasn’t concerned. I wish I had a video so I could see objectively exactly what happened, what the mom saw (because I think she just heard, not saw), what I did. The next worst thing is that I play with that kid far better than their own parents. We’re always wrestling, chasing, playing monster, racing, playing spaceship on the bikes.

Anyway, thanks for the insight into the mom’s brain! Could you reply with a “play by play” on what the mom might have been thinking when she heard or saw what she did? Would it ever cross her mind even once that her kid hurt someone? Why would she run right away to give the toy back?

Jess@StraightTalk 2011/05/21 - 11:09 am

YES!!! To each her own. Everyone has their own reasons for parenting how they do and it’s nobody’s business but the people that live in the house to worry about it. Gah!

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