I didn’t mean to. I would never.
It’s the day I stop.
But this year, I was so busy prepping for Thanksgiving and Special Person’s day for my second grader.
I was caught up in minutia. I was planning the rest of my life. I was living and I totally forgot what today could have been.
What it should have been…
My baby’s 2nd birthday.
I was supposed to be wrangling a toddler. Entering the terrible twos.
Instead my lap is empty.
My heart has a hole.
Worst of all, I forgot to be sad about it.
I forgot to remember that it was the anniversary of what could have been.
I feel guilty.
I feel ashamed.
I feel like I should be flogged.
There is no guilt quite so terrible as that of a mother to a child who almost was.
To a child who you loved with all your soul but lost before you got to tell them so.
A mother who forgot to remember.