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love in marriage, Love, marriage, Valentine's Day, Big Guy

Love in a Marriage Isn’t Always What You Expect

by Deborah Cruz

Do you think love in a marriage can be as passionate as love before marriage? Like head over heels, “I would live forever just to be by you” love? “I love you so damn much that I want to be ghosts with you” love? The kind of love in a marriage that you never want to let go of?

The kind of love in a marriage that makes you brave.

I’m not usually a sappy person here, well, not too often anyway, but this Valentine’s Day something happened. I’ve been changing a lot of things in my life lately but one thing hasn’t changed. The Big Guy has always been my rock; my constant.

The Big Guy is what I affectionately call my husband here on this blog. If you’ve been a long-time reader, you know it’s because he is 6’5” not because I think he’s God, though many of you have asked me that before. He really is a big guy and we have big kids but with him, its not just his stature. He laughs big, he smiles big, he loves big, he’s just a big personality and anyone who has met him can attest to that.

Even living with all this bigness all the time, it truly is the little things that count with us and he gets that. He’s always gotten that and that’s one of the reasons I adore him so completely.

Yesterday was Valentine’s Day. I know many of you think it’s just a Hallmark holiday and in many ways, it is. I was never big on the holiday because, in previous relationships, it just felt like an inevitable trap to be let down. I’d get my hopes up and things would never measure up. Then I met my husband and ever since that first Valentine’s Day, he’s always made it more than special.

The kind of love in a marriage that makes you forget reason.

You see, we got engaged on January 23, 1998. Random weird time to get engaged right? Especially since we had only been dating for 4 months at the time. I was completely speechless when he asked me in the middle of a club. There was no ring, there was no drop to your knee It was him screaming over the music and me shocked. It felt impetuous. I wasn’t so sure if it was him or all the alcohol he had been drinking that was asking me to spend the rest of my life with him so it took me a couple weeks to give him an answer. Sounds terrible, right? Wrong.

When I called my sister to tell her what this crazy guy at university has just done, she said, “Oh yeah. Weird, I thought he was waiting until Valentine’s day. He told us at Thanksgiving that he was going to ask.” Wait! What? November????

Apparently, the proposal was not impetuous, only the delivery. He had been planning for months, though he still didn’t have a ring. He told them he knew from the moment we met that I was his soulmate. To be honest, after being burned by the previous few guys I had dated, I was kind of jaded on the whole “soulmate” thing. Not, him. Not my Big Guy.

Apparently, he was a little nervous and it just popped out of his mouth on the dance floor, a couple weeks early. That’s why there was no ring.  Maybe I was accidentally doing some sort of fertility/marry me dance that I didn’t even realize I was doing and my female wiles overtook him. All I know is the sweetest man I had ever met (and barely knew) asked me to marry him. My answer? I love you and then I casually walked away as if he’s just asked me if I wanted a beer.

We both pretended it didn’t happen. Then a week or so later while sitting across the computer lab he emailed me a note that read, “so are you ever going to answer me?”

Yikes, he hadn’t been that drunk. I told him I didn’t think he was serious and I needed to think about it because it was a serious question. It wasn’t like, do you want fries with your burger. It was the biggest question of my life.

Do you love me enough to spend the rest of your life with me?

Finally, I answered. It was really simple, I asked myself, can you live the rest of your life without this man in it? My answer was quick and all consuming, no. After knowing him, I couldn’t see my life playing out with anyone else. It depressed me to think of not seeing him every day or hearing that big crazy laugh or seeing that big beautiful smile so I said, “Hell, yes!”

I got an engagement ring for Valentine’s Day that year. That’s why Valentine’s Day is special to me. Not because of the holiday per se but because it was supposed to be the day the Big Guy asked me to be his wife but he was just so damn eager that he couldn’t wait. And he actually purchased it from a design your own custom engagement rings shop. Awwww, right?

He’s always done Valentine’s Day big. He pulls out all the stops. But this year I didn’t want a big elaborate gift. I wanted something more personal. I wanted him. I wanted his love in a tangible form. Sometimes love in a marriage becomes quieter and more of a hum than a roar. I wanted a roar.

I wanted a playlist (modern day mixtape), a hand-written note from him (which ended up being the sweetest Facebook status ever) and I didn’t want to cook dinner. Other than that, I just wanted to be together. That’s exactly what I got.

love in a marriage, Love, relationships, marriage, Valentine's Day, Big Guy

Needless to say, I spent most of yesterday crying happy tears because he kept sucker punching me with all the feels. It was glorious. Proof that love in a marriage can sweep you off your feet just as much as any new, shiny relationship.

The kind of love in a marriage that makes you want to have babies just so there are more people like him in the world.

Every word was like salve to my soul. He is not a big talker. He’s more of a do-er. He shows me he loves me in his actions every single day. He’s the kind of guy who makes the scrambled eggs on school mornings so you can have a break. He’s the kind of guy who gives you the last bite of his sandwich because you’re still hungry, even if so is he. But I’m a writer and sometimes I want words and wow, his words were everything.

The playlist spoke to me in another way. It spoke to my heart with every lyric. Each song was more perfect than the last. It said everything I needed to hear.

You know how when you are young and dating you’re always wondering, just a little bit, where you stand in the relationship? How he really feels? Well, the Big Guy laid it all on the table and damn.

Love, relationships, marriage, Valentine's Day, Big Guy

The kind of love that leaves you speechless.

I don’t know how you spent Valentine’s Day but I hope it was amazing. I don’t mean fireworks, symphonies and diamonds (those things are nice) but amazing in that at the end of the day, you knew you were loved by someone for just being you. Unconditional, all-accepting love is something I never knew in my life until the Big Guy and nothing compares. No gift can compare 100% reciprocated, unconditional and equal love.

I don’t know if there are any words that can convey to him how much his words meant to me but I hope he knows that I couldn’t imagine spending my life loving anyone else. I was scared when he asked me to marry him because it was so soon in our relationship but every day, I thank God the universe that he chose me.

What is the one thing your partner did to show you that love in marriage could be just as passionate as when you were single?

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Stacie @ Divine Lifestyle 2017/02/17 - 4:07 pm

That is such a beautiful post. I think if love doesn’t make you brave, it’s not the right kind of love. A love that doesn’t make you brave is a long that isn’t igniting that spark inside you.

Jennifer Van Huss 2017/02/17 - 6:15 pm

Beautiful story!! I, too got engaged on Valentine’s Day. It was a slightly different reason. My Nanny had passed away on Valentine’s day when I was 13. I was very close to her and took it very hard. From then on I HATED Valentine’s Day. My boyfriend (now hubby) hated that I was so down on that day, so he proposed to make that day a happy day instead of sad.

OurFamilyWorld 2017/02/17 - 10:34 pm

This is so beautiful! Valentine’s Day is kinda special to us, too, not because of the occasion, but it was the day we went to church to pray and vowed that we will be together for the rest of our lives. We have been married for almost 30 years now.

Stephanie JEannot 2017/02/18 - 12:09 pm

You guys have been together forever. What a beautiful love story you guys share. Congratulations on that simple fact alone. Love is such a beautiful thing. God bless your relationship.

uprunforlife 2017/02/18 - 9:44 pm

I remember when my husband asked me to marry him. I kinda wish that it was more of a surprise but we knew we loved each other early on. I am still thankful for him.

Life hasn’t been easy for us the last few years. I have health problems now and its taxing to the both of us. My husband surprised me this year with flowers for Valentine’s day. I wasn’t expecting it at all.

My Teen Guide 2017/02/19 - 4:34 am

what a great love story! you guys proven that there is really a Forever! i love reading post like this! keep it up!

Victoria Heckstall 2017/02/19 - 5:30 am

true love waits! your love story is very interesting! you both are really inlove with each other!

Ann Bacciaglia 2017/02/19 - 12:00 pm

This is a fantastic post. When it is true love it will lift you up and make you stronger.

Lynndee 2017/02/20 - 9:55 am

Aw, gotta love this. I can be sappy at times too – one thing that the hubs and I have in common. 🙂 And I can’t think of just one thing that he did for me to show his love because he had done a lot. 🙂

Sarh S 2017/02/23 - 4:22 pm

Wow! I hope to find a love like this one day. I’ve recently ended a not so good, but long relationship. On one hand I don’t want to date in fear of falling into a similar situation, but on the other hand I want to. I like to feel loved and have someone close and to be my best friend in every aspect of life. It’s scary.

soumya 2017/06/03 - 7:14 am

This is wonderful post.

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