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How to exude confidence and Be a Priority in your own Life

by Deborah Cruz

How to exude confidence and be a priority in your own life.The following post was written over a year ago, when I needed a little self confidence boost and reminder to be a priority in my own life and all my relationships. I dug it out to remind myself how it feels to have confidence in your body, health, relationships and love. I think many of us can use this post to lift us up and remind us of who we are, even when we don’t feel like it.

Bringing the Feisty Broad back

I am a Mommy, first and foremost. It’s a fact of my life. I love it. I chose it. This is not something that I got trapped into, this was something that I intentionally chose, in fact, it was one of my loftiest aspirations. I used to be a daughter and sister, then a wife, then a Mommy. Somewhere in there, for a brief fleeting moment, I got to be “Debi”. I remember that girl, I liked her. She was a lot like me but had absolutely no real ramifications for her behavior. Awww, sweet freedom. I do miss you. It was awesome. It was pre filter on the mouth and brain for child security reasons, yet, post the imposed filter of my personal freedoms by my Father.It was wonderful; it was euphoric. I was selfish, care free, and completely oblivious to the wants and needs of others. I know it sounds perfectly awful. I always did exactly what “I” wanted to do, with no care or concern for anyone else. I know it sounds terribly vain and narcissistic, perhaps it was, but it was fabulous..for that time in my life…all 15 minutes of it. I was the priority. These days, I am “Mommy”, “Honey”, “Mama” ,”You”, “Mother”, “Mrs. Big Guy” ( now, Truthful Mommy) but hardly anyone ever calls me “Debi” anymore.I feel as if I have disappeared figuratively and literally. But for someone who is invisible, I certainly do stay busy. How can this be? It is absolutely mind boggling to me but I am fairly certain that I am not alone in this situation. Can I get an amen from my Mommies out there? I KNOW you know what I’m talking about.

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self esteem, confidence, priority

Photo courtesy of the internet


I go through life, these days, busier than ever before yet feeling like I really never accomplish anything in my days. Every night, I am thoroughly exhausted ( believe me..just ask the Big Guy)but usually I can’t sleep.Every morning, I am still so tired because I was up the previous night until 2 am thinking of all the “Stuff” I have to do the next day. No fair, right? Last year ( 2 years ago now), I made a conscious decision that 2009 was going to be the year of “Debi”. I had my mind made up, I was planning to plan to revive that feisty broad.It’s pretty bad when you are telling your husband something about yourself before he met you and he is looking at you like you are full of shit because the “you” he knows, would never do something like that.I was determined, I was making a comeback in my own life. That was my plan! Then, real life and minutia got in my way. So, around September ( my birthday to be exact) I put my foot down and started getting to it…for like the 100th time since I had realized that I wanted to change some things.

This time it was different though. This time, I made real efforts. I joined Weight Watchers ( yes, to my initial utter embarrassment. I had so convinced myself that I was not “that” fat but I was, in fact, “that” fat and let me tell you..admitting it was the first real step towards fixing it !) , I started walking and working out and making a genuine effort..and didn’t quit or make up excuses after I got bored with it. This time I approached it like an adult. I also joined some Mom’s groups that stress being a woman and not just a “Mommy”, I made new friends ( I had to we had just moved half way across the country from absolutely everyone we knew), I got a babysitter ( a first for my children aside from the very occasional grandparent) and I forced myself to go out without my children. At my husbands insistence, I even made it out to a few MNO! Life was turning around. People were calling me “Deborah” , granted it wasn’t Debi but hey, a more adult version of myself is a good thing, right? Then the holiday’s hit. We traveled and it was one thing after another. So, here we are at the beginning of 2010 ( 2011 now). I am still forging on to revive myself. I am the priority in my life now, well…I am one of the top 3, for sure. I am a work in progress, but that is ok. As long as I am on my own to do list, there is hope for “Debi”

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self confidence, woman, self esteem, priority

Photo courtest of Google image

My point being, with a little real concerted effort, I am 25 lbs. smaller than I was in September, I have made some wonderful new friends, and I am feeling more like the starring role in my own Cinderella story versus the cat that belonged to the ugly stepsisters. I feel like by getting back to “Debi” and introducing that intelligent,beautiful, healthy, cultured, well read, strong woman to my girls that I am not only regaining my independence, my very existence… I am showing them ,by living example, that they are important and vital to their own life story.That no matter who they are, what they think, what they look like, what they choose to be or do in their lives, they must be present and they must be content with the versions of themselves who are present because they are imperative to their own happiness and nothing is more important than feeling like you matter and being fulfilled with who you are in your own life. Who I am is a direct reflection on who my daughters will someday become. I want them to know they can have the world and that they deserve it all and so does Mommy. I want to teach them how to exude confidence and be a priority in their own life. I want to have it all and I want them to know they can too. The paddles are out, Clear…..

Obviously, life derailed me again with yet another move and the whole commuter arrangement but this piece reminds me of two things one; I am SO WORTH the EFFORT and two; I am NOT a QUITTER. I persist and I work hard and then I conquer. I am woman hear me roar. How do you exude confidence and stay a priority in your own life?[/fusion_builder_column][/fusion_builder_row][/fusion_builder_container]

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Loukia 2011/03/28 - 10:05 am

I’m most confident when I’m feeling good about myself. When I’m working out, when I’m eating well, when the sun is shining and when I’m laughing with my children. When I look good, I feel good. When I do good at work, or write a good article, or have a great night out with friends, it increases my confidence, too!

Truthful Mommy 2011/03/28 - 10:41 am

This is so true. I think for me, I REALLY need to find a balance. I get so wrapped up in the task at hand that I don’t realize whats going on around me. Before I know it Im looking in the mirror at a complete stranger. Yes, girl time, date night, quiet time, naps, working out, and having/MAKING the time to make ourselves feel beautiful makes a world of difference!AMEN! Looking at your avatar…you’ve got the looking adorable part down packed!Happy MOnday, my friend!

Crystal 2011/03/28 - 10:21 am

I think by making yourself a priority, you gain confidence. My Grandmother has always said, “If you don’t love you, no one else will.”. It’s amazing how simple advice can be so eye opening. No big words, no long description, just in your face honesty.

I stay a priority by practice. Life will always throw things at us. It’s up to us to continue to to stay on track. Willpower and dedication to us, with balance. If I’m off in one direction or the other we all suffer. For me, knowing that makes it so much easier.

On the days that I have to wear too many different hats and I can’t stay on my schedule I have a special “for me” list. It gives me options of things to do that don’t require much time that I can always fit in somewhere. It keeps me upbeat, positive, and on track.

Perfect Dad 2011/03/28 - 10:31 am

Nice post. I got confidence recently by simply “not caring”. I don’t care who judges me, who thinks I don’t fit in, who thinks I’m not doing enough for their goals. I switched jobs, moved to a new province to get a better work-family-life balance and work on my businesses instead of for my bosses. Confidence is great! Thanks for that.

BTW: Have a look at my recent post, where I describe my kid failing in to give a great speech, but it resulted in MORE confidence. Timely topic, I was happy to see your post. We’re thinking the same 🙂

Truthful Mommy 2011/03/28 - 12:48 pm

I think for some reason that not caring is a little easier for men, just because maybe fathers aren’t so critical of each other. But either way, yey you. I try to think I don;t care the biggest problem is that I get all consumed by whatever the task is at hand ( currently motherhood) and I get so engrossed that I fail to balance. I need to work on balance. I’m heading over in a bit to check your post out. CAn you share a link?

Perfect Dad 2011/03/28 - 3:16 pm

Maybe it’s true that such is easier for men. I didn’t notice. My wife also doesn’t care, better than me, maybe because she’s a teacher and learned not to take BS from kids or parents or bosses. She is very confident most of the time. I was the shy one, in fact, for a long time until I grew a set after I had kids and realized I would have to be a role model. Since then it’s been quite liberating! Negotiations are easier, meeting people is easier, life is just better when you don’t give s**t what people think. I try it all the time now, talk to anyone about anything, not worrying if I seem like I know what I’m talking about or people will not approve of what I think.

The post is my most recent: My Five Year Old Failed In Front Of Hundreds: How Cool Is That?

BalancingMama (Julie) 2011/03/28 - 3:58 pm

I don’t exude confidence. I struggle with positivity these days. I do recognize that it’s time to get back to me. I never let anyone down, except myself. Thanks for the extra kick in the butt!

I think I can, I think I can…

Screw that. I KNOW I can!

Bruna 2011/03/28 - 9:19 pm

I have been trying to re-find myself for two years now. It come and goes in waves. I agree with you about how important it is to find the old us again. It gets easier as the kids get older. I think your attitude about it is wonderful and the fact that you’ve been so determined and motivated is inspirational to other Mommies.

I think with everything, there are the ups and downs. As long as we pick ourselves back up when we’re down, we’re on the right track:)

Amanda 2011/03/30 - 9:58 pm

What a great post. I’ve been working hard to try and love myself more and this post is definitely inspiring. Stopping by from comment hour

Caren with a "C" 2011/03/30 - 10:01 pm

I can get so wrapped up in playing “mommy” that I forget there is a “Caren” in there. Thanks for the reminder.

Jamee @ A New Kind of Normal 2011/03/30 - 10:33 pm

Absolutely love this post! So needed to read it!

stopping by from SITS comment hour!

eileenludwig 2011/03/31 - 12:18 am

Confidence and finding yourself both are formidable goals when surrounded by family who see someone else. Bravo for you and moving forward toward your goals

stopping by from #commenthour at sits

Truthful Mommy 2011/03/31 - 9:50 pm

Thank you for the kind words and thank you for stopping by.

Kari 2011/03/31 - 11:51 am

What a powerful post! I loved it and needed it. I’m about to step into a new role (wife) and I have fears of losing myself in that role. But my fiance assures me he wont let that happen. I hope that turns out to be true.

Truthful Mommy 2011/03/31 - 8:57 pm

Congratulations on the impending nuptials:) You will be perfect.As long as you keep sight of who you are and remember that you have dreams,goals, wants too….life will be good.

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