So, Gabs has decided that she is going to take me on a fast train ride to Crazy town! You heard me right folks. My 3 year old is behind the wheel and has the gas pedal pressed through the floorboard.
Lately, every single time I …wait a freaking minute, every single time I try to put a stitch of clothing on my child she goes completely berserk on me ( sorry, temporary relapse of Mommy brain). Son of a bitch, I have a little nudist on my hands. Shit, I was really getting worried. I thought maybe we were having some sensitivity issues. But I digress, every single time I put socks , shoes, jeans or undies on my 3 year old, she
adamantly vehemently violently refuses. Today ,for instance, Gabs decides she wanted to put on new panties ( for absolutely no reason at all. I normally argue but it wasn’t worth the battle today). Ok, I’m game. Let’s do it. After sifting through a menagerie of panties, she settled upon a pair of Fancy Nancy panties. Promptly upon putting them on her person, she began to SCREAM, cry, and stomp her foot. I was a little annoyed and asked her what was wrong. Annoyed because we had already wasted 20 minutes ( at dinner time) sifting through unnecessary panties. Me: ” Gabs, what’s wrong?” Gabs:” Me NO Like these panties!!!!!” ( as she stomps her foot and subsequently resumes her screaming, unintelligible tirade on the awfulness of said panties). Me: (trying to remain calm..wanting to shoot myself) ” Why? What’s wrong with those panties?” You love Fancy Nancy!” Gabs: ” Well….me NO LIKE! Them keep moving from side to side.” Me: “O……..K…… ( I am speechless), let’s just take them off and find some other ones.” Gabs:( in absolute complete hysterics) ” NO!!! You NOT MY MOMMY!” ( and she puts her head down and looks up at me like she literally wanted to stomp me..opposed to the floor who is my poor substitute.) I remove the panties out of the equation. She runs off to her bedroom, bare assed, and repeats for about 15 minutes straight ( at the top of her lungs) “YOU not my Mommy! Me no Like YOU!” ( Oh yeah? Well, you’re not winning any prizes over here either) and that is where she stayed, until she realized I wasn’t following her and begging for forgiveness. Then you hear a very sweet and quiet, “Mommy…me Love you!” Choo, CHoo, All Aboard!!! You hear that train bound for Crazy town? It’s building steam. Did I mention, we had the exact same episode earlier today..just swap out panties for socks.Hey, I think this kids been to Crazy town before. In fact, I think she may be the president of Crazy town!
Apparently, socks, too, can be a life threatening affliction if not worn in just the right manner. What a terrible Mom I am. And don’t get me started on tags! Holy shit Batman, if I have to cut the tag out of one more piece of clothing for this kid. Yes, I am convinced seeing it in writing…she is a nudist!