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Don’t get your panties in a bunch

by Deborah Cruz

So, Gabs has decided that she is going to take me on a fast train ride to Crazy town! You heard me right folks. My 3 year old is behind the wheel and has the gas pedal pressed through the floorboard.
Lately, every single time I …wait a freaking minute, every single time I try to put a stitch of clothing on my child she goes completely berserk on me ( sorry, temporary relapse of Mommy brain). Son of a bitch, I have a little nudist on my hands. Shit, I was really getting worried. I thought maybe we were having some sensitivity issues. But I digress, every single time I put socks , shoes, jeans or undies on my 3 year old, she adamantly vehemently  violently refuses. Today ,for instance, Gabs decides she wanted to put on new panties ( for absolutely no reason at all. I normally argue but it wasn’t worth the battle today). Ok, I’m game. Let’s do it. After sifting through a menagerie of panties, she settled upon a pair of Fancy Nancy panties. Promptly upon putting them on her person, she began to SCREAM, cry, and stomp her foot. I was a little annoyed and asked her what was wrong. Annoyed because we had already wasted 20 minutes ( at dinner time) sifting through unnecessary panties. Me: ” Gabs, what’s wrong?” Gabs:” Me NO Like these panties!!!!!” ( as she stomps her foot and subsequently resumes her screaming, unintelligible tirade on the awfulness of said panties). Me: (trying to remain calm..wanting to shoot myself) ” Why? What’s wrong with those panties?” You love Fancy Nancy!” Gabs: ” Well….me NO LIKE! Them keep moving from side to side.” Me:  “O……..K…… ( I am speechless), let’s just take them off and find some other ones.” Gabs:( in absolute complete hysterics) ” NO!!! You NOT MY MOMMY!” ( and she puts her head down and looks up  at me like she literally wanted to stomp me..opposed to the floor who is my poor substitute.) I remove the panties out of the equation. She runs off to her bedroom, bare assed,  and repeats for about 15 minutes straight ( at the top of her lungs) “YOU not my Mommy! Me no Like YOU!”  ( Oh yeah? Well, you’re not winning any prizes over here either) and that is where she stayed, until she realized I wasn’t following her and begging for forgiveness. Then you hear a very sweet and quiet, “Mommy…me Love you!” Choo, CHoo, All Aboard!!! You hear that train bound for Crazy town? It’s building steam. Did I mention, we had the exact same episode earlier today..just swap out  panties for socks.Hey, I think this kids been to Crazy town before. In fact, I think she may be the president of Crazy town!
Apparently,  socks, too, can be a life threatening affliction if not worn in just the right manner. What a terrible Mom I am. And don’t get me started on tags! Holy shit Batman, if I have to cut the tag out of one more piece of clothing for this kid. Yes, I am convinced seeing it in writing…she is a nudist!

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Laina 2010/06/03 - 7:01 am

awwww…I hear you. My daughter does the same thing. She hates to be changed, dressed and hates her hair brushed. She screams so loud and now has even started to hit. So, I feel I am headed to crazy town too. It is so hard to stay calm in those moments, but they are still learning, and they don't know how to manage their emotions yet. I try to keep this in mind. 🙂

Day 2 Day Living 2010/06/03 - 11:44 am

You must have gotten used to the I hate you, your not my mommy tantrums. I broke down when Lexi first said it to me. I thought I'd lost her love forever.
Socks and panties do have to be worn and fit just right, I'm on her side with that one.

parenting ad absurdum 2010/06/03 - 2:37 pm

Yup – it's amazing how they can get you from 0 – 60 crazy miles an hour just like that… Mine aren't nudists, but do have very strong opinions about what they wear (they chouldn't possibly have got that trait from me, of course…)

~J 2010/06/03 - 11:11 am

LMAO! It's SOOOO in the age, I swear…I often swear my little Boss man is bipolar!

Boobies 2010/06/03 - 11:11 am

LMAO! It's SOOOO in the age, I swear…I often swear my little Boss man is bipolar!

Truthful Mommy 2010/06/03 - 3:54 pm

I know exactly where mine got there's from…I blame my Mom. She kept wishing a kid exactly like me on me. That also explains the sensitive heads while brushing hair and the refusal to go to sleep without television, oh yeah and the crazy obsession with brushing their teeth. Oh yeah, I got what I deserved. Just wait til they get a little older, I'll ship em to Grandma for the week and see how she likes what she prayed for:)LOL Happy Mothering!

Nikki 2010/06/03 - 9:43 pm

Oh….I'm so not looking forward to that. I can see it all now!!! I get screams every time something goes over Mia's head. If she is like that now who the hell knows how she will be in a couple of years!!! Bunch of little divas!

Organic Motherhood with Cool Whip 2010/06/03 - 10:35 pm

Yep. I'm 100% with you. I have a little nudist on my hands as well. It usually takes me about a full hour to convince him to wear anything at all so we can leave the house. Makes for an enjoyable experience EVERY SINGLE TIME.

Lanita @ A Mother's Hood 2010/06/05 - 8:55 pm

Let me introduce you to the Mayor of Crazy Town. Here name is Tracy and I am sure she would love to show you around town. http://www.crazytownmayor.com


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