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dachelor parties,wife, dad, parenting,baby shower, booze, soon-to -be

Dadchelor Parties~Because apparently Everything’s an excuse for a Pub Crawl

by Deborah Cruz

A couple weeks ago I was reading the Huffington Post and came across a post on Dadchelor Parties~because everything’s an excuse for a Pub crawl. Have you heard of these? Did your husband have one? I think the Big Guy would certainly would have loved to have had one of these but our first was born back in the dinosaur days of 2005. You know before push gifts were all the rage? Don’t get me wrong, I think push gifts are an amazing idea. Hell fire, if I have  to push a 15 inch head, 8 lb 13 ounce bundle of joy out of my woohoo meanwhile ripping myself in half, cracking my ass-bone  resulting in 25 discrete stitches and a lifetime of itching from the scar…I think I damn well deserve a piece of jewelry. But a Dadchelor party? That’s something all together different!


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Dadchelor parties,expectant father, baby shower, babies, dads

You may think they are staring at her ass but actually these expectant fathers are staring at her flat belly:)

Dadchelor Parties~Because apparently Everything’s an excuse for a Pub Crawl

What the hell is a Dadchelor party you ask? It seems it is a last hurrah for expectant fathers before they become a Daddy. You know how they feel the need to go out with their friends , drink like camels, cat call harass unsuspecting 20 something year olds, waste our money on strippers and illicit hookers before getting married?  Yeah, just like that. Because apparently getting married and sentenced to conjugal visits with the same lady forever is so hard to fathom that men feel the need to act like complete morons on their last night of freedom with the boys. Well, it now seems that men have let the secret out that there is something in fact worse than sex with the same women for all eternity and that would be denied conjugal relations with that same woman after the babies come. What ? You don’t think this is fair? Me either!

Dadchelor Parties~Because apparently Everything’s an excuse for a Pub Crawl

Where was my last hurrah before the baby was born? I didn’t get a girls weekend in Vegas to cut loose and sew my last wild oats. Hell, I didn’t even get a sympathy nap or a courtesy reach around from the OB/GYN! What I got was a crappy old lady party with a bunch of relatives that I see once every five years buying me the same crap onesie that Target had on sale and everyone else bought me…because apparently my baby was going to wear 375 size 0 onesies in 1 month. And guess what, now even the husbands get to come to the baby shower. Hell, the Big Guy was thrown his very own baby shower at the office. I wasn’t even invited.


dachelor parties,wife, dad, parenting,baby shower, booze, soon-to -be

But let’s be clear, these Dadchelor parties are just one more reason for men to go out with their friends guilt- free and have a boys night out. I think they are complete crap. So what if your life is going to change? Mine changed from the moment of conception! Morning sickness, all the things no one tells you about being pregnant and how out of control my baby bump would become, these were all collateral damage of pregnancy that directly affected my body. I guess, we ladies get to do all the heavy lifting while the boys and their village go out and celebrate their virility. Why do men deserve a pub crawl? Do they? What are your thoughts on Dadchelor Parties?

Dadchelor Parties~Because apparently Everything’s an excuse for a Pub Crawl



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Teresa 2011/06/28 - 1:26 pm

If you deserve a push gift, Dad deserves one last time out with his boys. Its his way of showing he’s committed to staying up all night with the kids, and not the boys, after the baby is born.

Provided there is no touching other women involved, I don’t see what the problem is.

Truthful Mommy 2011/06/28 - 2:39 pm

Well, I guess if he’s going to actually be doing some heavy lifting after the baby is born, hes entitled. But I still don’t see the need for a drunken weekend in Vegas to celebrate his last days of pre-parenthood. It makes no sense. What does a baby have to do with drunken debauchery? It reminds me of those 1 year old birthday parties that have a keg…I don’t get the correlation.LOL

Teresa 2011/06/28 - 3:20 pm

And I’ve never understood how giving birth entitles you to a diamond. What does a diamond have to do with pushing a baby out? We get what we like, and they get what they like. Why not?

Also, we totally had alcohol at our one year old’s party. Not a keg, and no one actually got drunk, but since it was mostly adults and there is alcohol at all our parties, the beer was there. What’s wrong with that? Family and friends getting together and celebrating!

Truthful Mommy 2011/06/28 - 4:33 pm

I guess I feel like growing and birthing a baby is hard work, more so than just waking up in the middle of the night occasionally.Maybe that’s just me? BUt everyone is entitled to their own opinion and what works for some people don;t work for others. I personally don’t understand why an expectant father needs to go out and have a bachelor party of sorts.
The alcohol at kids parties, that’s not an issue unless the alcohol becomes the priority and the kid becomes secondary.I only have this opinion because I’ve seen it happen before but I;ve also seen perfectly socially responsible adult partake in moderation and it was good times:) I don’t really suspect that most people have actual kegs at baby birthday parties:)LOL

Teresa 2011/06/28 - 7:03 pm

I guess I just don’t understand resenting your guy for needing a night out with his friends. Don’t we all? And fatherhood can be very hard work. My husband puts in way more parenting time than I do. I am ridiculously grateful for him. Plus he dotes on me when I’m pregnant and does most of the work around the house. Which earns him a night out with the boys if he so wishes. Its just one night. Where’s the harm?

Truthful Mommy 2011/06/28 - 9:50 pm

I don’t resent my husband for wanting guys night out. I encourage guys night out! My only issue with this phenomenon of Dadchelor parties is that I don’t think becoming a father needs a send off like a man is going of to the electric chair:)LOL
And of course being either parent is hard work. Parenting is not easy. I do most of the hands on day to day parenting in our house, because my husband works in another state 5 days a week. I am grateful for everything he does when he is here.He is a great father and we both need a night off here and there. I just don’t think any expectant father needs a drunken weekend in Vegas to mark the occasion of becoming a father.I guess the issue is not with the act but by labeling it and saying its because of becoming a father that annoys me the most:)

And I still think pushing a big baby out of my nether regions is harder than anything my husband will ever do in the parenting department. So , yeah, he should give me diamonds for providing him with a child. I sacrificed y body for those beautiful babies. The diamonds are just a show of appreciation. I don’t know how him knocking me up earns him a drunken celebration.This is just my opinion. WE all have ours. I think you and I can just agree to disagree on this point:)LOL

Teresa 2011/06/28 - 10:10 pm

I think the problem here is the idea that they are doing it because they are on the gallows. I think its a celebration!

As for push gifts, I’ve always disagreed with the idea of them. Expecting anything from my husband is just not the way I do things. If he wants to give me a gift, so be it, but he should not feel obligated.

Truthful Mommy 2011/06/28 - 10:26 pm

AS I said, my girls were born before push gifts were all the rage. But my husband has always liked to give gifts. I never would expect anything. I think with my first daughter he did buy me my first pearl necklace but that was his idea not mine:)
I do agree its crazy to demand a push gift

wagthedad 2011/06/29 - 5:15 am

I can understand how his “knocking you up” should definitely NOT earn him a drunken celebration. But is that all that he did?

And does the pain of birth really mean that nothing he will ever do will come close?

I guess I’m a little sensitive about the issue, being a man with 2 children and one on the way. Being constantly told that nothing one has or can do will ever measure up in the parenting department just isn’t right in my book.

Men are not second class parents, just because we have a penis and not a birth canal. Believe me, if I could somehow become “equal” in this argument, I would cut off a couple of fingers.

Truthful Mommy 2011/06/29 - 8:41 am

I don’t think that dad’s are second class citizens. I really don’t. My husband is invaluable as a parent in my house. I could not do this without him. I know this for a fact because of the whole commuter marriage we’ve been doing the past year or so. Doing it alone is HARD. My husband is my equal partner. This comment that you responded to may have sounded a little callous because it was in response to someone who I had been going back and forth with for a bit. I assure you that I do not think that all my husband did was knock me up. He has done everything I do in equal measure aside form the actual giving birth.
My problem is NOT with men and women have nights out.I guess I wasn’t clear enough in my post, that is my fault. My issue is that it makes the whole baby coming experience feel like something that is going to be a burden rather than an honor. I think it’s great to celebrate the birth of your baby but why does it have to be like a bachelor party/ DOes that make any sense? Drinks and cigars in celebration..awesome. Strippers and pub crawls, I think is inappropriate to celebrate a baby being born:)

Carri 2011/06/28 - 5:06 pm

That is the dumbest shit I’ve ever read. Your poor wife is ready to pop and you’re out partying with your friends?

Lllonlll 2011/06/28 - 5:10 pm

Absolutely ridiculous. Sad.

Natalie 2011/06/28 - 6:49 pm

Ohh, you will disagree with me!

I think it’s actually fine, with no reason. Everyone needs to blow off some steam now and then, so long as no lines are crossed and it’s not all the time. My hubby has several boys weekends a year, and he would have no issue with me doing the same- he actually encourages me to pack up and head off with the girlfriends.

Just make sure it’s not to close to due day! Wouldn’t want to miss the big event!

Truthful Mommy 2011/06/28 - 9:41 pm

I have nothing against my husband having a guys night out.I’m not a tyrant :)LOL I just don’t see what warrants a bachelor party like weekend outing for an expectant father? He’s not going to the gallows to be hung, he’s about to start a new journey in life, right?
Girls night out and guys night out are imperative…especially after having kids..for sure!

Krysta MacGray 2011/06/28 - 9:23 pm

People just try and use any excuse to party. I felt like a tool going on a “babymoon” Sheesh.

Truthful Mommy 2011/06/28 - 9:32 pm

bwahahaha!Did you get your drunk party on too? LMAO Krysta, you are a crazy party animal:)

Karen @ Time Crafted 2011/06/28 - 10:52 pm

My husband is actually the one who told me about this and I had to laugh. The way he put it was that Dad to be & his friends gather and each bring beer…not a wild night or weekend away. It just sounded like the guys getting together.

For our first, I had a coshower, one with men and women. It wasn’t a shower for just my kidlet or just me, but for us as a family. If he had wanted to go out with the guys one evening, stayed in the region, and didn’t drive, I wouldn’t have cared. But, that’s because if I had wanted a night out with the girls, I would have taken it. Since most of our friends and family live out of the area, that’s kind of what it was. After the shower, almost everyone came back to our house and my best friends & his stayed the night. And yes, everyone, except me, had an adult beverage. But, we were all part of the fun.

No baby shower with the second, obviously. But, hubs best friend was getting married. And have to give that best friend a shout out as he moved his own bachelor party up to this neck of the woods so that my husband wouldn’t be five hours away from me, a month before my due date. So, yes there was a bachelor party event, but it was tame, they were all adults, not driving and yup, it was an actual bachelor party.

I don’t care if my husband needs a night or a weekend with his friends because quite frankly, I need the same thing sometimes. But, I don’t think it needs to be wrapped up in an event that sounds like it’s marking the end of a man’s/husband’s freedom! That would be my only beef with the idea.

(Goodness….you asked…and wow, I answered…like a book’s worth! lol)

Sarah 2011/06/28 - 11:01 pm

Screw the push present. A flashy piece of jewlery isn’t going to make me feel better when I’m ready to pull my hair out because I’ve been asked “why?” for the bazzilionth time in 2 hours.
No it will not.
If he get a pre-daddy party and not have to shoulder the bulk of the parenting burden, I get monthly me only time. I’m thinking 24 hours a month.
Also that time can be rolled month to month for a me and only me vacation.
That’s fair, right?

wagthedad 2011/06/29 - 4:37 am

I guess I have 2 questions:

1) Why didn’t you do something special before the baby came? My wife always goes on a spa weekend when she’s pregnant, or just goes away for the weekend.

2) Why does a man need an excuse to go on a pub crawl, exactly? OK, it’s one thing if there’s infidelity and acting like a juvenile involved, but what’s wrong with a guy spending a night or a weekend away from his wife?

Why does spending time away from one’s spouse need to mean that one cannot stand this person and thus needs a weekend/night of stress relief away from them?

My wife and I don’t spend all of our time together, and I think both of us would hate it if we did. I don’t think we’d be able to stay together if we didn’t have separate interests outside of our marriage.

I know that a full-fledged BP kind of weekend is different than a night out with the guys/girls, but I guess I don’t understand what the big deal is. Or is this more that the man has no idea what a woman is going through in pregnancy and thus deserves no respite from any stress he might be feeling about the birth?

That being said, where I live it’s traditional for the man to go out AFTER the birth, as in the day of, or at least it’s commonly practiced. Now that I can understand, because it’s definitely the last time in a long time.

It’s not a celebration of virility. And if you think that men have little or not part in participating in pregnancy and the birth, then maybe men shouldn’t be expected to be present at all. Because you can’t ask someone to be there, to feel with and for you, and then to not have any feelings of their own.

Like maybe the need to get away, for a short period of time, and remember what it’s like to be an adult individual.

Truthful Mommy 2011/06/29 - 8:53 am

In response to your questions;
1) For the first one, I had no idea what motherhood would be and had no idea that it was going to be my last chance for alone time:) For the second one, I had a toddler and couldn’t go away. In retrospect, a spa weekend would have been heavenly had I known how blissfully exhausted I would be in the next few years.

2)I think you hit the nail on head, I guess I automatically associate the word bachelor party/dadchelor party with infidelity and acting juvenile. I have no problem with my husband having a night out with the guys. Hell, he was just in Vegas for a week:)

I really am sorry if I was offensive to men. I am however very happy that you commented and shared your viewpoint. Obviously, there are men ,like you and my husband, who could go out and have a night out with their guy friends having drinks and enjoying some adult time without acting like juvenile delinquents..

Of course I feel like both parents need nights away; girls nights, guys nights and date nights. We need time to refresh and regenerate. Parenting is hard work. I just think it can be done without acting like drunken belligerent 21 year olds on Rush street @ 3 am:)

That being said, DADDIES RULE!:)

wagthedad 2011/06/29 - 5:09 am

Hope it’s OK to add my URL here. For some reason it doesn’t go through the URL check on the comment form.


Truthful Mommy 2011/06/29 - 8:42 am

SUre it’s Ok! Sorry,that comment love wasn’t working:( I’ll look into that

wagthedad 2011/06/30 - 4:19 am

Thanks for the great response! I know we’re pretty much on the same page, and I wasn’t offended really. Just counting the hours/days until kid #3 comes along (due date is in 2 weeks).

When we had our first child, neither one of us took any time beforehand. But now we do this regularly (or it seems regular; this will definitely be our last child) and it works out, more or less.

And you are absolutely right: relief from parenting shouldn’t mean acting like a juvenile. Hands down. I think the problem comes when men (and women) both assume that now that they have kids, it means that they should have no individual time, alone or with the guys/girls, and I think that’s seriously damaging. For one thing, there’s little to no outlets for stress, and in my opinion kids have problems with identity formation.

I’ve also known way to many men and women who cut off their friends once they get married and especially once they have kids, without even considering whether there might be an alternative.

MOMMIES RULE, too! We all rule! We are all so awesome we all deserve a week in Vegas!


Coolwhipmom 2011/07/02 - 3:41 pm

Fascinating. I had never heard of Dadchelor parties!!! Obviously I’ve been living under a rock. Hahahaaha. Awesome comment string above!! You’ve got a lively convo going here. Not even sure what I think myself. I have to mull it over a litle. I’ll get back to you on this one!


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