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Pregnancy, Babies, Love, my girls, daughters

Why I Did the Pregnancy Thing and Why I Will Never Do It Again

by Deborah Cruz

Pregnancy, why do any of us do it? They say a picture is worth a thousand words so let’s save some time..

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Pregnancy, Babies, Love, my girls, daughters


Pregnancy End Result; My First Miracle

I know why I did it. I did it because I wanted to peer down into the face of awesome and feel my throat close itself with a giant lump of love. I wanted my heart to walk around outside of my body. I wanted to cry tears of awe and inspiration. I wanted to make the world a better place. I wanted to love something so completely that time and space could not measure it. I wanted to experience selflessness beyond measure. I wanted to have a physical piece of myself and the Big Guy joined forever. I did it because, since I can remember, I always wanted to be someone’s Mommy. I wanted someone to curl into that space between my neck and my shoulder and fill my heart completely. I wanted little fingers to wrap around mine and hold on for dear life. I wanted to experience hiccups in my belly. I wanted to experience the evolution of myself into a better version than I ever could have imagined. I wanted to feel small in the universe but mighty in my own life. I wanted to provide the change that I wanted to see in the world. I wanted to create a little person who I could call my very own. I wanted to hold the future in my arms and quietly sing her a lullaby. I did it for a purpose. I did it because my heart wanted to grow three times it original size. The love and joy quota that is met by having a child is addictive. At the moment of birth, I felt so small next to my little one who had come into the world and humbled me into wanting to make the world better for her sake.

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Pregnancy, baptism, daughters, little girls,love

Our hearts were wide open after Ella and Begging for Abbi.So, we had #2!

Warning: Pregnancy Can be addictive

Then I did it again! But now, I am at a point where I am far enough away from the beginning of my babies and heading head first into big girl territory that my retrospective 20/20 vision is kicking in. The fog of baby bliss is giving way to the reality of sibling rivalry, no peeing in peace, no showering alone, no time to myself, temper tantrums, “You’re the meanest mother in the world”, changing outfits 75 times a day and  picky eating habits with an even more discerning entertainment palate. I still love my girls with all that I am and for all that  they are but now, sometimes…I need a moment or two to hit refresh. I have been spying small glimpses break through here and there of what the future holds…quiet time, me time and time alone with my husband. I hate the letting go and growing up part. It hurts to love someone so much that you can’t imagine a time when they will not be snuggled firmly in your lap or resting their sweet head on your shoulder but there is comfort in finding yourself again, with a renewed perspective and more bold take on life. I am looking forward to that. I frequently say that I am done, half true and I believe, half to convince myself. Either way, my heart is full and I have learned from experience to never say never.

Where are you on the pregnancy spectrum? Are you expecting? Anticipating? Unsure if you are ready to embark on the momentous occasion ? On the fence as to whether or not you want to go through it all again? Or contemplating being fulfilled with what you have now? Or have you decided that it is not for you at all? How did you come to where you are? Why? I’d love to hear your stories.

Pregnancy, to be or not to be


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KalleyC 2011/08/31 - 12:18 pm

I am still at the beginning phase. I have one child and I so want more. Pregnancy can be addicitive (although I didn’t enjoy it much), but looking into the eyes of another angel makes it so worth it. Maybe after 3 I’ll call it a quits.

Truthful Mommy 2011/08/31 - 12:57 pm

Amen! I am addicted tot he small wonder in my arms. Not so much to transition labor or tantruming toddlers. But I never say never,I’m pretty sure I;d do it again. Provided I ever get alone time with my husband again. Still CO-sleeping in the suburbs!LOL

Alex | Perfecting Dad 2011/08/31 - 12:49 pm

How old are yours? We’re about to have our fourth. Oldest is 7. My wife is DONE after this one 🙂

Truthful Mommy 2011/08/31 - 1:17 pm

You two are much braver than I. My girls are 4 and 6. We’ve toyed with the idea of one more but I;m not sure if I’m ready to start all over again. Of course, I;m not ready to say that I am completely done either. I guess we will see. My sister is having a baby due on New Years Day, hopefully that will satisfy my twitching uterus:)
P.S. Congrats on your number 4!

Rebekah 2011/08/31 - 2:05 pm

I can very much relate. And I like your reasons for why you did it : ) So true.

Heather 2011/08/31 - 5:03 pm

I’m expecting my first right now…and it’s the second half of your post that’s had me worried. I know I want a baby. It’s just the whole toddler and preteen and beyond that scares me…

Truthful Mommy 2011/08/31 - 6:17 pm

My theory is this..children become more testing as they older so that it doesn’t absolutely kill us when they leave for college, otherwise we wouldn’t let them out the door and into their own lives. For all the chaos my girls create, I am still dreading the moment they have to leave me for college. I am sure I will collapse into my own pool of snot and tears and I will always love them. For all the boundary pushing, heart ache,physical pain ( of birth), chaos and stress children induce…you can not beat the love they fill your heart with. Being a good parent is hard work but it is fulfilling and purposeful. You worry about all this..because you will be an amazing mother. Congrats on joining this sisterhood of motherhood and this awesome journey that you are about to embark upon. Please feel free to stat at the beginning of the blog and learn along the way:) I share my triumphs and failures, so Mommies know they are not alone. Again, congrats on your pregnancy!My one word of advice…enjoy your alone time now and spoil yourself…naps, spa days, date nights…it might be awhile before you are afforded these luxuries again.

Heather 2011/08/31 - 8:11 pm

Thank you! 🙂 I’m going to copy & paste the last part of your comment and send it to my husband. Naps, spa days, date nights? Sounds good to me. 🙂

kelebek 2011/09/01 - 3:18 am

I have a 5 (going on 25) year old daughter and a son coming up to 3. I decided soon after him that I am definately done to the point where I am contemplating having my tubes tied! Dont get me wrong I love my kids, but feel that 2 is enough for me and I am really looking forward to some “me time” I am also almost 37 and have some health problems where I do not feel it would be wise to put my body through another pregnancy. I feel very blessed to have 2 beautiful, healthy children and as they grow up, to having a little bit more quiet and a slightly tidier house!

Leighann 2011/09/01 - 2:32 pm

I only have one and she’s 16 months old. I had PPD and I’m really scared that I’ll have it with the second. I have no plans to start having another any time soon and am petrified to go through the newborn stage again.
I loved the cuddling and the closeness but the sleepless nights and constant feedings were killer!!

Heather @ That Uncomfortable Itch 2011/09/01 - 3:57 pm

I said I was DONE after each of my three. After the third I got a tubal ligation so now I really am done. But even after all this, the oldest one is 18, the middle 14 and the baby is now 7, even now I think if I could I just might endure the madness yet again. On the flip side, walking next to a son who’s two heads taller, feeling the weight of my daughter’s taller head on my shoulder, listening to the youngest son reveling in Harry Potter, those are all amazing things too.

Hopes@Staying Afloat! 2011/09/01 - 5:02 pm

We have three boys ages 8,5, and 1. We are done, done, done. Did I mention that we are done??

Don’t get me wrong, I LOVE my boys and wouldn’t trade them for all the peeing by yourself moments in the world, but we are content with where our family is at. We feel that adding one more would stretch us too thin. I feel I’m stretched pretty thin already! I’ve been changing diapers for 8 years and I’m just about ready to be done with that.

I miss the infant stage so much it hurts. But then I remember the infant grows up and with that growth can test every last ounce of patience I have in one itty bitty day.

We are good!

Alison at Mommy is a Power Ranger 2011/09/02 - 9:10 pm

I have a 3 1/2 year old about to start nursery school, a 2 1/2 year old, and an almost 1 year old. I loved being pregnant, and whenever I see a baby, it really makes me want another one. But I have my hands full with 3, and my boyfriend doesn’t want any more, and I can’t financially handle another baby. I’m only 27, though, so I guess I have time to think about it and have more in the future. I don’t think I’m done yet.

Truthful Mommy 2011/09/03 - 12:16 am

Girl, you are braver than I. I’d be so wound up with 3 under 4 that I;d probably be bald headed from the stress. You go girl!

Cam - Bibs & Baubles 2011/09/06 - 3:31 pm

i would LOVE to have another baby. it’s been a discussion in our house. I try not to remind myself of the lack of sleep or engorged boobs. it’s better that way. 🙂

Truthful Mommy 2011/09/06 - 7:55 pm

LOL! Sometimes the forgetfulness is our savior! Sending you lots of pregnancy sprinkles!

dee nash 2011/09/17 - 1:43 am

wow, that was really well written. help me out here! im 37 and im single and I want kids, but i have to admit im a control freak and i have a big phobia of vomit. i have seen hypnotists etc, but im scared of puking while preg as well as my kids puking. im a very matrnal ,loveing and nurturing person, but i do have fears of being a mom and reading this entry, was really touching and im really wanting to plow through my fears to have that experience as well. in my mind motherhood is filled with puke and i want to replace that with good thoughts! any advice?

im also just scared to be so vulnerable and love that deep. the leting go over and over sounds really hard and very real. ha! perhaps now im getting down to some issues, the vomit is probobly the easier part.


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