the test

The Test

by Deborah Cruz

the test

 The Test

I drove the long trip home with the test, it seemed like hours; it was only 20 minutes. Next to me, on the passenger side of the car, sat a tiny plastic bag that held a small pink box, that held the key to my future. I felt slightly nauseous and filled with trepidation, exhausted and scared. This wasn’t what I had planned. This would be a life changing surprise but one that I think I knew the answer to before it was even asked. He knew the answer. He had a feeling. I think I knew, I was just afraid to say it out loud. If I say it out loud, it will be real. I drive in my denial of silence a bit longer but this is all speculation. This tiny little box with a tiny little test could change my life forever.

My mouth was dry, it was impossible to swallow.The car was so quiet I could hear the road meeting the tires and the wind as it hit the car. I could hear the line in my forehead furrowing as I drove in deep thought. I could barely remember to breathe. I drove in solitude, completely alone. Just me. Inside my head. Alone. Well, maybe not completely alone but that was the million dollar question that the stick in the tiny little pink box was going to answer. I could hear the blood rushing to my head at a dizzying rate. I inhaled deeply. I was driving but I wasn’t seeing anything. I was on autopilot. I was exhilarated. I was terrified. This must be what it feels like when you get everything you ever wanted and didn’t realize it.

The Test

Breathe, Debi. This may not have been planned exactly but you can’t really be shocked. After all, you are a grown woman. You know how the works. You’ve had the talk…decades ago. Breathe! You may be surprised but you know how and when this happened. You made a choice. You both did.

I pull into the driveway and, as if in slow motion, I make my way into the house alone. I walk to the bathroom, remove the tiny stick from the pink box and follow the instructions. I hold my breath and I wait for my life to change and then I  took three more tests, just to be sure. The first test that truly changed my life was the positive pregnancy test with my first daughter. How did you feel the first time you took a pregnancy test?

The Test

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13 comments

MommaKiss 2012/04/18 - 12:01 pm

the first time I tested I wasn’t super nervous I guess – it was time, we were 30 – ready. But waiting to be pregnant with my second one – and it not happening right away – well – that was anxiety and heartbreak and stress! I almost didn’t want to buy the damn things anymore. Just let it start showing and i’d know then.
good piece, girl!

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KalleyC 2012/04/18 - 12:04 pm

I was scared and cried. I blame it on the hormones, because we were trying to have a child. When I got the positive, the first thing I did was cry and then blame my husband for getting me pregnant (I know, so not rational).

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Bindhurani 2012/04/18 - 12:49 pm

I was glad when I tested the first time. And scared too. Also excited… It was a lot of mixed emotions…
The expectation…

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Jessica 2012/04/18 - 12:58 pm

The first time I took a test I was 19. I was terrified and in complete shock. 4 years later I am so very blessed to have my sweet boy who saved my life.

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Shell 2012/04/18 - 1:05 pm

I was surprised. Even though we were trying… I still didn’t think it would happen so fast.

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KeAnne 2012/04/18 - 5:04 pm

I was hopeful but that quickly turned to disappointment b/c neither my first nor any other pregnancy test I took were ever positive.

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Barbara 2012/04/18 - 8:49 pm

Thank you for sharing the story. Doing this kind of test is really stressful yet so exciting.

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Emily Woodhouse 2012/04/19 - 2:40 am

There is nothing comparable to the joy of first motherhood. I won’t remember my first feelings. The whole world seemed changed to me! A heavenly flood filled out my mind with great joy.

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Cindi 2012/04/19 - 10:20 am

Having been told 6 weeks prior I could not concieve my own children, I was thrilled at the thought of taking a test. The results however, scared the daylights out of me. (LoL)

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Annie 2012/04/19 - 12:52 pm

M<ost women are scared when they take their first test especially if they are not married. When the results are positve it is God blessing us with the beautiful of another life.

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Sheila Brown 2012/04/25 - 4:11 am

I was so excited when i tested positive for our first child.

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Julia for Reviews of Major Brands of Pregnancy Tests 2012/04/26 - 11:00 am

Nothing beats the feeling of a first positive pregnancy test result! I can still remember when I was so trembling so nervously that I actually dropped my test kit a couple times before I finally steadied my nerves long enough to finish the test! pregnancy test reviews

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Surprise! We’re Pregnant! | Modern Baby 2012/11/30 - 12:02 am

[…] you ran to the nearest drug store and bought 1, 2, 10 early detection pregnancy tests and to the bathroom you […]

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