Tag:

WOmen

body love, love your body, body image, women, mary Lambert

Love your body is the message that we must teach our daughters.

Love your body like your mother loved your baby feet. I had something else planned to write about today but then I listened to one of my favorite songs by Mary Lambert, Body Love. It spoke to me and, if you are a woman, it will probably speak to you too. If you are a man, it can give you some insight into a woman’s mind, especially one who finds herself to be perpetually imperfect. Like so many of us do. I want to teach my girls to love themselves as much as I loved their baby feet and that they are worth more than the size of their ass or what lies between their legs or what they look like or a number on a scale. You.Are.Beautiful!

i know girls who are trying to fit into the social norm
like squeezing into last year’s prom dress
i know girls who are low rise, mac eyeshadow, and binge drinking
i know girls that wonder if they’re a disaster and sexy enough to fit in
i know girls who are fleeing bombs from the mosques of their skin,
playing russian roulette with death
it’s never easy to accept that our bodies are fallible and flawed

but when do we draw the line?
when the knife hits the skin?
isn’t it the same thing as purging
because we’re so obsessed with death?
some women just have more guts than others
the funny thing is women like us don’t shoot
we swallow pills, still wanting to be beautiful at the morgue
still proceeding to put on make-up
still hoping that the mortician finds us fuckable and attractive
we might as well be buried with our shoes and handbags and scarves,
girls

we flirt with death every time we etch a new tally mark into our skin
i know how to split my wrists like a battlefield too,
but the time has come for us to reclaim our bodies

our bodies deserve more than to be war-torn and collateral
offering this fuckdom as a pathetic means to say,
“i only know how to exist when i’m wanted!”
girls like us are hardly ever wanted, you know?
we’re used up and we’re sad
and drunk and perpetually waiting by the phone

for someone to pick up and tell us that we did good
well, you did good

i know i am because i said i am
i know i am because i said i am
i know i am because i said i am
my body is home
my body is home
i know i am because i said i am
i know i am because i said i am
i know i am because i said i am

so try this:
take your hands over your bumpy lovebody naked
and remember the first time you touched someone
with the sole purpose of learning all of them,
touched them because the light was pretty on them
and the dust in the sunlight danced the way your heart did

touch yourself with a purpose
your body is the most beautiful royal
fathers and uncles are not claiming your knife anymore
are not your razor, no,
put the sharpness back
lay your hands flat and feel the surface of scarred skin
i once touched a tree with charred limbs
the stump was still breathing but the tops were just ashy remains
i wonder what it’s like to come back from that
because sometimes i feel forest fires erupting from my wrists
and the smoke signals sent out are the most beautiful things i’ve ever seen

love your body the way your mother loved your baby feet
and brother arm-wrapping shoulders, and remember, this is important:
you are worth more than who you fuck
you are worth more than a waistline
you are worth more than beer bottles displayed like drunken artifacts
you are worth more than any naked body could proclaim in the shadows
more than a man’s whim

or your father’s mistake
you are no less valuable as a size 16 than a size 4
you are no less valuable as a 32a than a 36c
your sexiness is defined by concentric circles within your wood,
it is wisdom
you are a goddamn tree stump with leaves sprouting out,
reborn

I am not here yet. But I want to be.

Do you love your body?

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Caroline Berg Eriksen, weight loss, mommy wars, sisterhood

So it happened. You know that moment when something just clicks? Well, yesterday something just clicked. I decided to just do it. I am doing it. This morning was the first day.

I’ve been seeing this photo floating around FB of Caroline Berg Eriksen, the Norwegian soccer wife and fitness blogger, in her undies and bra looking like a svelte supermodel four days after giving birth. People are annoyed by her and asking why she would do something like this. People are pissed off. How dare she look that good 4 days after giving birth! It has to be a fake.

Well, not me. I say, Go GIRL! Hell, I don’t know how she did it. I am assuming that she was in pretty damn good shape before giving birth, being a fitness blogger and all and maybe she just has those good genes. We don’t know her story or her struggles. We just saw a picture and got pissed because life isn’t fair. I won’t lie, I’m a little jealous. She’s got my “after” body. You know the body I “hope” to have after getting in losing weight and getting into shape.

caroline berg eriksen, weight loss, mommy warsMy sister-in-law had 4 kids and after every birth, she looked svelte. Of course, she was an athlete and I was not. Both times, I left the hospital at my pre-pregnancy weight, wearing my regular pants, with a muffin top and the best thing that ever happened to me bundled in my arms. As far as I am concerned, I was the luckiest girl in the world. I wish we didn’t all define ourselves by the size of our asses and that we didn’t always compare the size of our asses to everyone else’s asses, but we do.

All summer, I was very diligent about working out. I was walking/jogging 5 days a week and watching and logging every single morsel of food that went into my mouth. It was becoming a habit; a healthy way of living. For someone who has obsessed over her weight for most of her life and then tried to cheat her way to skinny, a shift in my way of thinking and habits was almost a miracle.  I was embracing it. I felt proud of myself. Hell, I even felt a little sexy which is something I never feel. My clothes were fitting better and life just seemed brighter. If you’ve ever battled with body image, you know that this was not vanity; this was security.

I felt good about myself and that was something foreign to me but it felt good. Then I went to BlogHer and I fell off the wagon. I was eating whatever I wanted, drinking alcohol to be social and snacking on tiny cheeseburgers at all hours of the night. I just wanted to be normal; enjoy my time with my friends and not worry about food. Fucking food is the bane of my existence but I didn’t just fall off the wagon, I went charging off the wagon head first.

I had every intention of getting back on the wagon when I got back home but I never did. I tried but here I am 5 months later confessing that I gained all the weight back. I am disappointed with myself but instead of doing something about it, I just fed my shame with more carbs and it made matters worse. Since Halloween, all bets have been off. My eating habits have been like a runaway train chocked full of poor choices and absolutely NO.EXERCISE! Every day is a perpetual walk of shame. If you’ve ever been heavy or unsatisfied with the skin you live in, you know what I am talking about.

This is a mighty slippery slope for the girl in recovery from Eating Disorders. I’ve caught myself lately thinking; maybe I should just throw that up. Mostly, I don’t but in all honesty, a couple times I have; silently and quietly and then I find myself thinking, I can do this. But I don’t want to and I don’t let myself but right there in my brain, I know the cheater’s solution. I know how to gain control of this runaway train (or maybe just trade it in for a better looking model). I have little girls and my selfish days are long over, I can’t be that horrible example for them. I need to be better than that, in spite of myself. I need to be strong. I need to be healthy.

I’ve had some very inspirational women present in my life lately; my sister with hard work, exercise and a change in eating habits has changed her life. My friend Erin is bravely facing her challenges in life and getting stronger every day. It’s not easy but she is worth fighting for, finally she knows that. My friend Jenni is one of the strongest women I know and she never gives up. She dusts her self off, does what needs to be done and kicks another day’s ass. My friend Niki always keeps going, even when she is too tired and weary to take another step. She stays positive and never loses sight of what’s important. My friends Amy & Jennifer, they are busting their asses and you can see the changes in their bodies, minds and in their spirits. They are happy and determined. All of these women are changing their lives by making the decision to face the hard choices and to take control when the whole damn thing is out of control. They inspire me. I am happy for them. I support them for being their best even at life’s worst an for persevering even when life’s challenges seem insurmountable. I want to do the same.

I don’t need to knock anyone else down in order for me to stand tall. Who cares if Caroline Berg Eriksen looks unnaturally perfect after giving birth, we don’t know how she’s come to where she is in life and we don’t know her struggles and challenges. Truly, I’ve got plenty to worry about in my own house, like my own weight and making sure I am being a good example to my girls, I don’t have the time or energy to be hating on a new mom who looks fantastic. I’m happy for her because I wouldn’t wish unhappiness with your body on anyone.

I am doing it. Today, I made the decision to stop listening to the self defeating voices in my head and know in my heart that I can do this…the right way. Thank you for the inspiration ladies.

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The power of the big O. No, I am not talking about an orgasm ( though that does sound pretty nice right now). I am referring to a much bigger O, I’m referring to Oprah. I am not a hater of Oprah, nor am I an avid follower. I mean I watch her show, if it’s on and I’m available, but I don’t DVR it. Anyways, I never realized the immense power she wields. She is more than just a celebrity… She is very powerful… Like a superhero. Example; on an episode the other night, in about a 2 minute segment she mentioned Geneen Roth’s book,
Women , Food, God. I don’t know if it’s because it actually sounds good or its solely because Oprah recommended it, but I’ve been searching like crazy for this book to no avail.Oh, who am I kidding, we all know I’m stalking this book because Oprah told me to do so. In this world, if Oprah says it…we must do it…conscious or unconsciously. It’s like some crazy itch that I can’t scratch. I gotta have that book. I’ve been to all the stores in my area and the libraries. There are like 20 holds on that book. That means I wouldn’t get it until like next year! The power of the Big O.  I wish she’d tell me to sew my mouth shut and exercise some more. Finally, some advice that I could get behind. Anyways, I digress. Back to the issue at hand. I go to Barnes and Noble and customer service tells me they can’t keep it on the shelves. They asked why everyone was so interested in this book, I answered , “Because Oprah said so!” To which a choir of “oooooh”s responded to me. Now, if I could just get her to mention my blog, imagine the possibilities? Hell , I’d even sign one of her damn no texting while driving pledges:)

If you see this book, be sure to grab it. It’s scarce and apparently mind blowing, at least that’s what Oprah says!
-Truthful Mommy xoxo

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