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The TRUTH About Motherhood

Tag: pregnancy

  • Honey, we need to talk

    When I was in my 20’s, I felt I was too young to have kids.When I actually did have my first girl, in my early 30’s, I was planning to plan to have a baby. Then we planned Gabs and after 1 month of actively trying, we were pregnant. When is the right time? There really is no right time. It’s like that moment right before the wax is removed from your upper lip, its scary as hell but sometimes you’ve just got to pull the trigger or you’ll never accomplish anything. If we were all to afraid of the certain pain it takes to remove the wax, we’d all be running around either with hot wax or hair on our upper lips. Am I too old to have any more? Has my womb become a cavernous black hole filled with cobwebs and brittle remnants of my past? These are the thoughts that plague my mind in my 5 seconds of free time every single day, lately.

    I don’t feel 38, I feel the same as I did when I was 25 but much, much wiser in the ways of the world, relationships, and myself. After Gabs was born, we were conflicted whether or not to have another baby. After all, we already had these 2 perfect little girls and, at least me, felt that to have any more might be getting greedy.The Big Guy and I discussed it and decided to make a decision by the time Gabs was 2.Two came and went and it was basically accepted that we were a family of 4. We both breathed a sigh of relief that we had made a decision…sort of. Gabs is now 3 and I am not sure what I feel anymore.

    The Big Guy occasionally makes a joke that we need to have ” a boy”..you know our illusive unicorn baby. I’m not sure if he’s joking just to drive me insane or if he actually might want another baby.It starts getting hard when you see that your babies are no longer babies. Bella’s in kindergarten and it feels like she already has one foot out of the door. Every day she becomes more and more independent. I realize that is what we want to happen. She is amazing but with each new miracle and milestone she performs, we know its only a matter of time that she is no longer in need of our immediate care. Then there is Gabs, who is just  so sweet and lovable and squishy but each day I can see her getting her big girl face and it breaks my heart. She is picking up everything at lightening speed because she is her sister’s little clone.

    Lately I have noticed myself wondering what if? How would this be? How would our lives change? I just don’t know if its a genuine hunger for another baby or is it not wanting to have my options closed or am I just feeling the twitches of my uterus a little more than usual because my girls are growing up so quickly? How do you know when you are absolutely done? Obviously, it will start with a serious talk with the Big Guy.It’s a little hard to broach the subject when I’m not sure how I feel myself and he’s only here on the weekends. That’s a pretty serious topic to hit him over the head with when he walks in the door on a random Friday evening.

    Then there is the factor that no matter how old I may feel, I am, in fact, 38. I always told myself no ba
    bies after 35. It was like this magical stopping point because of risks and statistics. Of course, I have spoken to my doctor and she says that I am perfectly healthy and another baby would not be an issue. Then again, there are NO guarantees in life. None! Have  I mentioned to you that I am a complete control freak.Then I get that feeling of tempting the fates, again.I am so conflicted. To be clear, there is no baby in the works. It’s just something I’ve been thinking about a lot lately and I thought you ladies could weigh in.So, my question to you …what’s too old to get pregnant? How did you know that you were done having babies..for certain? I just keep having a feeling that I am supposed to be the Mommy of 3 but that could just be the baby pictures I just looked at talking. But how could these pictures not make your uterus twinge?

    “https://3.bp.blogspot.com/_9uZoyBGwKCM/S9ZnMFf-XDI/AAAAAAAAASU/ywpjDaZl6mw/s1600/gabi” imageanchor=”1″ style=”margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;”>
    You do have to admit, we do good work! Look at those gorgeous little girls!

  • Wordless Wednesday: The MOMent that changed Everything!

    The moment a child is born, the mother is also born. She never existed before. The woman existed, but the mother, never. A mother is something absolutely new. ~Rajneesh
  • Birth ~ Just a reminder to put it all into perspective

    Birth ~ Just a reminder to put it all into perspective

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    Birth, Pregnancy,labor,dleivery, birth
    Photo By Rubberball Productions/ Getty Images

    Birth~ The only thing anyone ever tells you about birth is “It’s such a blessing” (which it is) and you forget about the pain of childbirth as soon as you hold your beautiful newborn baby in your arms , which I hate to be the bearer of bad news, is a complete (Did I mention complete) and absolute, bold faced lie. Unless an anvil fell on your head immediately after giving birth (more…)

  • She Gotta BUMP!

    https://player.ordienetworks.com/flash/fodplayer.swf

    I LOVE THIS VIDEO!!! KUDOS to ROB PEARLSTEIN!!!! YOU ROCK, MISTER! Cause there’s nothing so sexxxy as Motherf*ckin MOTHERHOOD!!! LOL!!! Hope this makes you all smile!

  • Don’t believe the hype

    Who’s the spin doctor for Motherhood? Seriously, who was it who decided to tell us that when we get pregnant we ‘glow ‘ and ‘ never look more beautiful’ ?Did I really , could I really, have been so naive to believe that harboring a fugitive parasite in my body for 10 months could make me beautiful. Saying it out loud sounds ridiculous.You’d think someone with a 147 IQ would have known better. Let’s be honest , when I was pregnant , I felt nauseaus, bloated , fat, ugly, unlike myself , grouchy, mean, horny , hateful, hungry , tired and like I had to pee a lot. But not once , do I ever remember feeling beautiful or glowing . I guess if they told us the truth the species would die out . I guess it’s not all so bad, I did go back for seconds. Pretty sure I’ve learned my lesson now, though . Happy Mothering, may it be all it’s cracked up to be.

    -Truthful Mommy xoxo

  • We don’t need maternity!!!

    The other day my husband and I are trying to purchase a new insurance plan for ourselves. That’s why we took a look at the policies from Garrity Insurance. Obviously, we’re all rogue in this field trying to feel our way as we go. Normally, all the logistics of the plan is handled by the place of employment. Not this time. So, after I spend what feels like forever on the phone trying to speak with an actual human being (in actuality it was seriously about 4 hours over a period of 2 days). I finally after much patience, a little bit of cussing and quite a bit of aggravation get a wonderful human being on the other end of the line, who is actually very informative and helpful. Bonus!!! I am ecstatic, I call my husband to let him know that after discussing the plans with this agent I had found a suitable health insurance plan for our family…NEVER want to have sick kids with no insurance. It’s just too much for my heart to handle. I absolutely must be able to take my children in at a moments notice or on any occasion of anything suspect that may arise in their health. I’m pretty much a “shake it off” kinda gal, when it comes to me, but when it comes to my girls. I don’t mess around. I am almost immediately on the phone with the nearest doctor I know, whether it be their pediatrician or one of the other wonderful doctors that I am blessed to have in our lives on a more personal level. Anyways, I was pretty happy with myself for pushing through all the clicks and beeps on the phone to actually investigate and find a plan. I call my husband at work , in IOWA, to let him know I had it taken care of it all by myself. I won’t lie and say I wasn’t expecting some sort of kudos. I explain the plan, tell him the monthly costs and this was his response, “Really? That seems high. Does that include maternity?” I’m thinking, what the hell does that have to do with the price of rice? Does he mean he wants another baby? What’s going on here? But soon , my question was answered with a hard swift, quick to my metaphorical balls.  “Why?” I ask. ” because…WE DON”T NEED MATERNITY!!!!!” Wow, it was almost as if, in that moment, he had a secret metaphorical vasectomy. That was what I felt like.  I don’t know why it bothered me, maybe because I felt like he was making a statement. Drawing a line in the sand of some sort. It’s not like we plan on having any more children, its just that statement felt so final. It made me apprehensive and nervous, you know like not having health insurance, in case you need to go to the doctor, or car insurance, in case you get into a wreck. I’m a planner and an organizer, not ashamed to say, a little bit of a control freak and I need insurances in life….just in case life throws me a curve ball.

  • Fleeting Moments of hormone laced Insanity

    It’s that time again, yes, everyone around me is either having a baby or anticipating trying to have a baby. I know, didn’t I just post about this? Anyways,there are two things that I have come to know as my truths..they may even be universal. The first is that apparently I am still on the fence about a third child because no matter how many times I tell myself, I am done and I want to move on with my life, every single time one of my friends or relatives tells me they are pregnant, trying to get pregnant or has a baby I get just the tiniest pang of ,”Oooh, I want one.” My cousin just had one, and she is absolutely adorable in every way ,shape and form and , at the mere glimpse of her photo, I am magically transported out of the house of the screaming preschoolers, the biting toddler, the bizarro world where I find myself being sarcastic to children back to that first moment of their first breaths..where the entire world was magical and wonderful and unicorns lived, etc. Imagine what would happen to me if I were to be in the same room with this little blessing, I could quite possibly lose it and ravish my husband in the instant like a rabid dog trying to consummate and obtain the fruit of his loins.Seriously, I could not be trusted that close to a brand new baby. Is it just me? Or is this a pretty common scenario for Mid thirties Mommies with 2 already? I just about can’t handle it anymore. I feel like I am crazy. I know on Tuesday that there is no way I want to do this whole ordeal again ( well, to be honest.. I know that I don’t want to intentionally do this again. I think this is my way of not accepting responsibility if the next one were not perfect or I found myself ready to pull my hair out in the middle of some random 3 am awakening. Then what?Who would I blame?) but by Wednesday I find myself day dreaming at the possibility. I don’t know how this is going to come out but I think I need to be protected from myself:) I don’t think I have to worry too much, seeing as my husband is on “hell nah” patrol and he will be working out of town a lot soon. Thankfully, saving me from myself!

  • .5 You Never stood a Chance

    .5 You Never stood a Chance

    . 5 ~ To be or not to be, that is the question. Tonight, though I obviously have 107,000 things that I ought to be doing, I have baby on the brain. I think it was the combo of visiting my friend and her new puppy ( get your panties out of the bunch), I am not comparing your little miracles to tiny hairy beasts and all this talk recently of whose pregnant and whose not. Anyways, apparently , I am in that stage of Motherhood where I have 2 perfect daughters and I am undecided about a third

    .5 child, .5 you never stood a chance

    OK, lets’ be honest, brutally honest. Let’s just rip it off like a band aid and put it out there.After all, you girls are my friends and you’re not telling anyone, right? I am in my mid thirties, two kids feel like 10, I am always tired. In fact, there has not been a day in the past 5 years, that I have been not tired.

    .5 , Should we or Shouldn’t we?

    I am finally doing something proactive about getting back into shape and shedding these pounds that I put on with marriage. Oh yeah, you know what I’m talking about. People blame it on the babies but really, babies like the weight are just a symptom of our happiness. Us women, at least me, I spent years trying to get in shape and look good for my man, whomever he was at the time. And I’m no half asser, I got a full on eating disorder and everything (another blog entirely) but my point is that women go to extremes to look good.

    Then we get married, we get happy, we loosen the get ready ritual, and next thing you know the pants are a little snugger. Then we get pregnant,and the poor baby gets the blame. No, its not the baby its all that cuddling and canoodling instead of dancing in clubs,its all the fancy rich restaurant dates, its being comfortable in your own skin because you are unconditionally loved.What a sad state it is that we have to be threatened with the possibility of being an unloved cat woman to get our asses to the gym. Anyways, I digress.

    My point is I have finally figured this out and am actually working out and getting back in shape. Do I really want to set the reset button? On my body..here comes the weight, there’s no escaping it with pregnancy. There is 4 more years I have to stay out of the real world, that’s more years of no sleep, walking around with spit up on me, someone at my knees calling incessantly.”Mommy, Mommy, Mommy,mommy……..”

    The Illusive .5

    It’s all that and more that makes me want to take my “aw, baby” Debi..who appears in moments of insanity and hit her over the head with a skillet. Sure, babies are cute, and they smell good, they have that delightful apple breath, they do somehow complete me:), and they are so helpless and beautiful and I won’t lie, I would adore being the Mommy of a baby boy. But lets be real, the Dr assures me that the chances of me having another girl are 75 % on the 3rd child, but promises me that I would have a boy on the fourth. Is he insane?

    Do I look like I could handle 4 kids? Do I look like my IQ is below 70?? Are there actually any clothes left in my wardrobe that have not yet been spat, puked, pooped, and/or peed on? Come on My mom had 6 children, and I love that woman. But I am convinced of two facts 1) that all 6 were not intentional (whoops) and 2) that she must have been just the tiniest bit crazy to start with. Furthermore, if she wasn’t before she had us, she surely has been made so over the years, courtesy of us.

    So, when my friends are having there 2ND babies and bring over these brand new shiny objects, I am attracted to the challenge.I hate the feeling of losing my babies as they evolve into toddlers, and then preschoolers. I miss that adorable way they run to your arms and you can see that you are there everything. I do. I feed off of that shit. But then I remember, 1 am, 3am, and 5 am feedings, I remember not being able to pee or shower by myself. I remember the crazy smelling ability that I had during my pregnancies and the poor smelly kid that I taught and how every day for 3 months he made me vomit..just a little. I remember feeling so enormous that I felt that I warranted my own solar system, and I especially remember going through my entire transition labor without an epidural!

    Then I think, Yeah..maybe, for me today, I’ll take my 2 perfect kids and not be greedy.2.5 is overrated anyway.LOL, I always wondered how they said 2.5 kids,I mean how can you measure kids in a half? Now, in my great wisdom, I realize that 2.5 means Mommy has 2 and wants 3, Daddy says his vote’s for the vasectomy, and the .5 is the middle.

    .5 You Never stood a chance.

  • PMS and Motherhood

    PMS~ There is Premenstrual Syndrome, more aptly called the one week a month that I hate all living creatures for even having the gall to breathe, little lone have the audacity to speak to me or ask me for anything at all.But then there is the ever so lovely, PMS and having the responsibility of mothering. Are you effing kidding me? Who ever thought this was a good idea? Come on, it is not an understatement to say it is potentially as deadly a mix as pills and booze.

    My dearly beloved husband has departed (no he’s not dead…yet) to the great state of Virginia, for business leaving me, with my last shreds of sanity, alone with my two beautiful girls.

    ALONE with PMS!

    I have been trying my best to keep them occupied, so they don’t feel the void of their father’s presence as much as they might, say sitting around the house doing nothing. We have been running to and fro, engaging in every last activity I can come up with. This is being done for a dual purpose; 1) to keep my daughters’ completely preoccupied with other activities so they are not missing daddy too much ( and constantly whining about it, as they have so boldly demonstrated they are quite capable of doing) and 2)to keep my house in spic and span condition on the rare chance that there is someone in this world who is actually looking to buy an awesome house in a great subdivision in this awful economy. This has been my life since my husband has made his departure. And if I may say so, myself, I have been doing a damn good job at both, though tiring and nerve racking as it has been.

    PMS you Sneaky Bitch! I’m busy! Go away!

    Then, from out of nowhere, since I myself have been so preoccupied with all of these activities and have forgotten the beast from within that never misses her visit, she arrives and she is taking no prisoners. I have been ripping heads off of cable companies, phone companies, and even the occasional bystander for 2 days now.I had the good sense of self awareness to realize what was happening, while I was visiting my parents and my 4 year old, who has decided she can’t hear anymore, had a sleep deprived melt down and wanted to leave my mothers house…at bedtime. Yes, at bedtime! This happened after, the previous night, her 2 year old sister had decided that she wasn’t caring for sleeping (all three of us) in Grandma’s full sized bed and proceeded to punish me by screaming ,sporadically, without cause, at the top of her lungs… all night long. Yes, ladies, all night long. Remember those nights with a newborn, when you were so sleep deprived that you prayed for death, just so that you could sleep? This was way worse. Anyways, back to the meltdown, so rather than calm her down, soothing her, and coaxing her to lay down at Grandma’s like I normally would have done. I said, “OK, go potty!” and I proceeded to chuck every bit of crap we brought into the back of my SUV..with the speed of lightening and the fury of the a goat on crack. My parents watched silently and my children, being that they are apparently aware that Mommy gets a little crazy once a month, were unaffected. They simply said their good byes to the grandparents and ignored my mood completely.

    Driving home, completely besot with myself, and completely over my kids meltdown, it hit me…” You crazy bitch, calm down. It’s PMS week” We, Ella, Abbi and myself (Sybil for the week) made it home without any real incident. That night, as I put them in bed and looked at their sweet little faces, I thought to myself, do these kids know how truly dangerous their Mama’s PMS really is? Luckily not. Normally, my husband is here to offset the true glory that is my PMS but with him gone, I was left to deal with it all on my own and it was not pretty. I spoke with my husband and let him know that I am having my beast visit this week. He is coming home, after two weeks of being gone, his response to me was ,”Oh God. Can it be over by the time I get there?” Luckily for him, I was not in the throes of the syndrome or that could of warranted him a tongue lashing to not soon be forgotten, at the very least. I have come to the conclusion through this ordeal that it should be a law of nature that once you have children you no longer can experience the “syndrome.” It truly is quite counter productive and very much as reckless and deadly as “Pills and booze”.Of course, if pills and booze were involved I believe I would be much more likable this week anyways. But alas, as does mothering and PMS not mix neither does mothering and pills or booze. As all good mothers do, I will suck it up and put on a happy face. My girls are awesome blessings and as long as I can keep that in perspective maybe I can keep the beast at bay, at least until my husband gets home:)

    PMS, You may have Won the Battle but Not the War!

  • Bringing Home Baby

    Bringing Home Baby

    I will never forget the moment the nurse came into my hospital room and said, ” OK, as soon as we can get you a wheelchair, you guys can go home.”

    She shared a warm, heartfelt smile with the three of us, this new little family of ours. My heart sank, my stomach turned, and my eyes immediately welled up with tears. I was frightened and overwhelmed, excited and ecstatic but I felt like I was going to vomit.

    I looked at my, obviously, just as freaked out husband and I whispered, ” Are they really going to let us go home with her?” I knew the answer.

    I had been planning on this moment since the moment I knew I was pregnant. But amongst all the anticipation, I had forgotten that, in the end, this tiny, perfect newborn baby was going home with us.

    I thought to myself, “My God, what will we do with her? She is so tiny”

    In my head, I just knew, she was so perfect. I didn’t want to be the one responsible for messing her up. They make you take a test and get a license to drive a car but no test, no license, no qualifications for taking care of a baby. It really is insane.

    At that moment, as we were staring at this tiny little piece of perfection strapped into the giant, all engulfing car seat, scared witless, the nurse came in with the wheelchair. I exhaustedly sat down in the wheel chair and embraced my new life. A baby had changed everything.

    I realized that this was truly the first day of the rest of my life. Absolutely everything that I had known up to that point was completely irrelevant in my life and I didn’t care. As they placed my beautiful, little miracle into my lap, our eyes locked and her gaze held me. I fell in love, deeper then anything I have ever known to that point. In that millisecond, I became an extra in my own life and she is the star…and I wouldn’t have it any other way.