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The TRUTH About Motherhood

Tag: Parenting

  • Mommy B.K.

    Mommy B.K.

    Remember , a long time ago, in a land far, far away where you could come and go as you pleased? You could take a bath/shower/change a tampon in uninterrupted peace. Eat a warm meal. Drink a glass of water sans back wash? Dream when you slept, better yet, have restful and rejuvenating sleep? Blare the radio as loud as you wanted. None of your clothes had spit up/pee/poop or baby sized food encrusted lip prints? Wow! It’s been so long for me, that I can barely even remember life before kids (B.K.)

    It’s become so much the norm that I feel odd when I do actually have any alone time. On the rare occasion when I  get to go out in public alone, I find myself saying things like “excuse us”  or “we would like”.I always speak in  the plural. I get the strangest looks. I am assuming that it can only be because I am alone ( still wearing yoga pants, a ponytail, and no make up) speaking in the plural, and probably looking like I’ve escaped from the insane asylum/prison, which  in a way, I have. I often wonder how may people I have had these encounters with , not knowing the context in which I am speaking, suspect I may have more than a few Sybil like tendencies.

    I don’t know when it happened, but somewhere along the way I have evolved from being a fearless, reckless, throw caution to the wind, go for broke kinda gal to a slow down, look both ways, your face is going to freeze that way, you’re going to poke your eyes out, OMG what if the plane crashes and my kids are left parent-less kind of Mommy. Believe me, this was not a conscious choice. I didn’t wake up one day and say to myself, “Hey, Debi..from today on, you will drive like a granny and beat the crap out of ANY person who ever threatens your child’s life by wrecking into you.” Seriously, that has become the constant rerunning thought in my brain when driving “If someone wrecks into me and hurts my children,so help me God,I’m going to jump out of my car and beat their ass!” Before kids, I am not afraid to admit I was a bit of a speed demon and have garnered more than my fair share of speeding tickets.I did a lot of driving in my 20’s and had people to see and places to go.Those were the days. Of course, I guess in that way, my kids have saved my life. I’ve not had 1 speeding ticket since becoming pregnant with my first, ( says the girl who once got 3 tickets in one over night drive).That was Mommy B.K.

    What am I trying to say? I am saying that once in awhile I miss being able to have the freedom to be just “me”. To not have to check every single decision I make in life in triplicate is a admittedly very missed perk of my previous life that I do sometimes wish I had access to on occasion. But what have I gained in these small sacrifices? I have earned copious amounts of love and a fulfillment in my life that can only be described as priceless. Of course, I would still like to be able to change a tampon in private, that my friends may be the thing I miss the most. I suppose I should stop complaining and know that one day, in the not to distant future, I will be driving like a bat out of hell again, racking up speeding tickets, jet setting to foreign soils, and describing my life in terms of Mommy E.N. (Empty Nest). For now, I will enjoy the every pulchritudinous morsel of  Mommy W.K. (With Kids).

    How has your life changed since having your kids? What do you miss the most? Happy Mothering!

    Today, I have the great pleasure of having my first ever article published at Momversation. Please stop  by and leave some love! If you’ve loved my Mommy Truisms, you will love Best Lies I Ever told My Daughters.

  • I Love my Children but I Hate My Life: All joy and no fun!

    I Love my Children but I Hate My Life: All joy and no fun!

    I was watching the Today show yesterday morning, and I saw a segment titled I love my children but I hate me life! Obviously, I was intrigued because, really, who hasn’t thought that? In all honesty, I think that about once a week. But when I think it, its usually because my world is spiraling out of control due to overwhelming circumstances; toddler meltdowns, a messy house, a sassy mouthed preschooler, ME biting off more than I can chew (usually more times than not, its ME) ..and it all happening simultaneously. Motherhood is hard! In the end, its about me and balancing this life I’ve chosen and all of the responsibility that comes with it. In reality, I never actually hate my life..what I hate is the feeling that I am failing at it!

    I’m listening to this segment, which by the way was only a snippet of the actually article they were referencing, and I am thinking they are making it sound like these women hate their lives..literally hate their lives because its not what it was cracked up to be. This segment alluded to the fact that this is the norm. I know loads of women and I have never met a woman who has insinuated or said outright “Damn, I wish I could get a refund because Motherhood is really lacking and in no way as fulfilling as I thought it would be!”

    Of course, there was nothing that could prepare us for what parenthood actually is…a wild and crazy ride wrought full of  hills and valleys,laughter and tears; sometimes within the same day, the same hour or even the same moment! We get pregnant with the intention of creating a baby who is part of our loved one and our self, the baby is a symbol of the depth and breadth of the scope of our love for our spouse/partner/etc. Obviously, being what it symbolizes, we want to believe that something so profound would be a magical experience. But like all things we fantasize about, reality is a little more gritty, dirty, work, and real!

    There is a definitely an illusion that is perpetrated about parenthood, especially Motherhood. Come on,how else could we be convinced to go through labor and delivery? It is also not something you can truly understand without experiencing it.

    Having my children has been the single most important events in my life, aside from meeting my husband…and you see the three things go hand in hand.The moment I married my husband, I became a wife and the moment when I gave birth to my girls, I was born again, as a Mother. Now, I am privy to a few more of the great mysteries of life. For instance,  I know that my heart is capable of growing with the birth of each successive baby, I know that that gigantic heart lives and roams free outside of my body and my biggest job in the world is to protect that heart from getting hurt, and I know that Motherhood is the hardest job that you will ever love!

    Of course its not all chocolate and roses, its real. It’s work, but its rewarding maybe not every minute of every day but it is creating something in the world, It’s about perpetuating the species and leaving a legacy. Our children are a version of ourselves and with each passing generation we have left behind a piece of ourselves to live on forever. I know there has been many times when I have felt as if I am being cheated or punished because I can not do the things I did before I had my children. We are human and by nature selfish and in want of instant gratification. Once we have our children, society dictates that we are not allowed those luxuries any longer and that leaves us feeling wanting. This leads to us feeling unsatisfied with our quality of life and that manifests into self doubt. Most days, I feel like I am the only mother having  a hard time figuring this all out and why don’t I think every single moment is glorious? What is wrong with me?

    But once I realized that this is me evolving into a different version of myself, not worse, but different in my perspective and my scope of experience; then and only then was I able to embrace Motherhood for what it really is… a lot of hard work, laced with moments of profound bliss. I think if it were blissful always, the important moments wouldn’t be as important. The craziness is to keep the balance of things.

    When I say I hate my life, I hate that I can’t handle the change. But I take a deep breath, as all parents do, I continue on and before I know it I have arrived at the next moment of bliss and amazement. Just think about it, is there anything that you have ever done in your entire life that felt as amazing as the moment that you first held your newborn baby?

  • That Day I Roared at My Daughter

    That Day I Roared at My Daughter

    Can someone please teach me how to parent with patience? Have you ever roared at someone? I mean yelled so loudly that you would almost certainly scare an adult and definitely frighten a small child. The entire point of this blog is to be honest with you. Not just when my kids are adorable, sweet and hilarious but also when they are being raging lunatics, whining brats and pretty much straight up assholes or when I am.

    Oh, don’t get me wrong, they are my world so welcome to my world! A crappy day in the life of an otherwise perfect life. Daddy’s been traveling a lot for an out of town job, so I am basically single Mommying it (which sucks , by the way. I’m not cut out for it , I don’t have the stomach or patience for it.)

    It’s basically been a ‘No’ fest, with lots of ‘I don’t want to’s’, refusals to sleep, eat, basically to adhere to any and all rules I may have. To make things worse, my 2-year-old has developed quite the knack for incessant whining and sporadic screaming outbursts…. for absolutely no reason at all.

    As you all already know, there is no rationalizing with a 2-year-old. So, Ive found myself doing a lot of threatening. Threatening that I was calling the cops to come take her away ( he can come take me away…. Please come take someone away).

    Threatening to send her to her Grandma’s, child services…. You get the picture?

    I’ve become a really shitty mom( at least that’s the way I feel..no I am pretty sure I have been a pretty shitty Mommy) saying things I don’t mean, trying to get her to stop this behavior without physically beating her tiny little tush. I don’t spank because I’m afraid that with my temper I couldn’t stop. Plus I got spanked and I didn’t like it. It hurt, it was scary, and it sucked…. but I did behave.

    So yesterday , I went off the deep end and yelled. I yelled so loudly that it reminded me of when a lion roars. And then, I cried and apologized because it was such a shitty thing to do to someone so little who I love so much!

    I cried, then she cried, then her sister cried…I think we were all tired and emotional because Sunday’s are the days Daddy leaves back out of town. I’m not making excuses for my shitty behavior, I am repenting.

    I am sharing because I know I am not the only Mommy who has fell off the deep end and landed in a pile of emotional wreckage. Today’s a new day, things are better. I’m really employing the positive reinforcement. I wonder, how many stars do I get for keeping my cool and not crying? Happy Mothering.

    lion, kid, roared, roar, tantrums, mommy moment, bad parenting

    Have you ever Roared at Your Child?

  • Mommies DON’T have favorites…do they?

    I have two amazing , beautiful daughters that I simply worship. These two kids are my reason for being. That being said, some times they can absolutely drive me up a wall.  I mean, stark raving lunatic crazy. For instance, when bedtime rolls around and my 5 year old just keeps begging for “JUST 5 more minutes (of tv). Please Mommy!” “No, honey. It’s bedtime.You HAVE to go to sleep!” “You are the WORST MOTHA EVA!!!!!” Wow, I didn’t see that coming. Oh, wait. Yes I did..its our bedtime ritual. Some of you ladies like to read and cuddle, not us..we like to have a full on drag out cage match. Then there is my lovely 2 year old. Oh , how I love her so. She just makes me smile always, except for when she is in her “NO” mode. “Honey, let’s take our nap. ” “NO!!!” “Come on, you need your rest.” “NO!!!!” “Get your ass in the bed before I hurt you…(I jest..I don’t say that….not usually. I think it a lot but don’t normally say it) . The point is no matter how combative my children decide to behave or what craziness they decide to throw at me on any given day, which could truly be any thing. Sometimes I feel like I am running through a mine field with crazed chimps throwing poo at me, that’s how bad it gets…some days! But at no point, ever, would I choose one child over the other. Somehow, my heart has grown to accommodate loving both in equal measure, which I never would have believed possible had I not be experiencing it firsthand. I was so in love with my first one that I was positive that there was no way I would or could ever love # 2 any where close to that. You know, sorta how you thought you’d never love any one after that first love? I ,literally, was in the hospital in labor with #2 and was crying because I felt like I was completely betraying #1 by even bringing this other baby into the world and having to split my love. I had no idea that my love would double. But Gabs came along and low and behold, this kid …I couldn’t physically love her anymore then I do. So I can’t conceive how you would ever pick one of your children over another but I’ve seen it happen. Gasp…I know you are either gasping for shame for this poor woman or you are nodding ( silently in agreement). Either way,  this “Mother” consistently puts one child’s needs and wants above the others. She has even go so far as to tell the #2 (in her book)  that her plans are dependent on #1’s. WTF? This annoys me to no end because I say if you have your favorite, because you are human and I am sure it happens, then at least try and conceal it. Don’t be so damn obvious!  That is just insulting for the poor child and anyone else who has the misfortune of witnessing it. Also, keep in mind that for young children, you are risking major bucks in therapy down the line. So, if you are going to have favorites for God’s sake be discreet. Your children are probably not as oblivious as you are giving them credit for being.

  • Love letter to my daughters

    Ella, on the day you were born, I giggled uncontrollably. So many emotions flooded my mind that all I could do was laugh and weep, tears of joy. I fell in love with you the moment I looked into those deep blue eyes. You looked into my soul and changed me forever.You will always be my love and my heart. With every moment that I am given to be your Mommy, my love for you grows deeper and I can’t even remember my life before you. It was as if I never even existed. As you grow more independent, I can feel you pulling slowly away even at your young age. I promise to always give you room to blossom and grow but to be there to lift you up when you fall. And know this, you will ALWAYS be my baby. You may be outgrowing my lap but never will you outgrow my love.

    Abs, on the day you were born, I couldn’t stop smiling. It started off a little rocky; we had to have a back up video camera special delivered into the hospital room to capture your birth. You didn’t want to come out, so we had to have a little help in the form of the Texas roll and a nurse laying on my stomach to help push you out.But when you came into this world with your eyes open wide and bright, taking in the entire world in one fail swoop, I knew you were my joy and my smile.Every single day since, you have grown my heart with love and filled my life with joy. Your smile melts me. You are also so obstinate and independent that you break my heart and scare me to death on a daily basis with your constant shenanigans. You will always be my little hell on wheels in pink taffeta and a helmet. At the same time, you are the light of my life and without you and your sister, I could not exist. You are my oxygen; my reason, my life!

    All my Love for all of my Life,
    Mommy XOXO

  • Food Revolution: “When you invite people to think, you are inviting revolution”

    “When you invite people to think, you are inviting revolution” … Ivana Gabara. Did anyone else see the first , or was it the second episode, in which Jamie shared with the kiddos how chicken nuggets are made? I think he disclaimed it with “this is not how they are made “here” (meaning the U.S) but seeing the ribs and the left over parts going into a food processor has stuck in my brain. I can not get that image out of my mind and I don’t 100% believe his disclaimer. All of this time, like a fool, I have been feeding my kids nuggets like its a healthy alternative but its crap. How did I never understand , before Jamie Oliver’s demonstration, exactly what the hell “rib meat” meant? I had no idea it meant actual ribs were ground up into the nuggets. I was thoroughly disgusted with the whole thing. I can no longer, in good conscience, allow my children to eat processed nuggets. There are a plethora of things they are not allowed to eat and that they are only allowed in very limited quantities, but now one more thing is gone. Not to mention, I, myself, will never be able to eat another nugget again. My new thought process is this, if I can’t recognize what body part or animal the meat comes from; we can’t eat it. Now that I am really thinking it over, seeing as I am a recovering vegetarian, going back to that way of life is not such a bad idea. At least with veggies, everything is recognizable and readily available without going through processing. For now, the girls will be sticking with white meat tenders but I’m not sure how long I can go on this way. I think I need to really start researching our food choices because obviously what I thought could pass for a healthier alternative is not! I even went out and bought Jamie’s new cookbook, I guess that was sort of the point, right?LOL Whatever it takes to make sure my kids are eating healthy foods that are good for them. Fool me once, shame on you…fool me twice, shame on ME!

    Jamie’s Food Revolution: Rediscover How to Cook Simple, Delicious, Affordable Meals

  • We don’t need maternity!!!

    The other day my husband and I are trying to purchase a new insurance plan for ourselves. That’s why we took a look at the policies from Garrity Insurance. Obviously, we’re all rogue in this field trying to feel our way as we go. Normally, all the logistics of the plan is handled by the place of employment. Not this time. So, after I spend what feels like forever on the phone trying to speak with an actual human being (in actuality it was seriously about 4 hours over a period of 2 days). I finally after much patience, a little bit of cussing and quite a bit of aggravation get a wonderful human being on the other end of the line, who is actually very informative and helpful. Bonus!!! I am ecstatic, I call my husband to let him know that after discussing the plans with this agent I had found a suitable health insurance plan for our family…NEVER want to have sick kids with no insurance. It’s just too much for my heart to handle. I absolutely must be able to take my children in at a moments notice or on any occasion of anything suspect that may arise in their health. I’m pretty much a “shake it off” kinda gal, when it comes to me, but when it comes to my girls. I don’t mess around. I am almost immediately on the phone with the nearest doctor I know, whether it be their pediatrician or one of the other wonderful doctors that I am blessed to have in our lives on a more personal level. Anyways, I was pretty happy with myself for pushing through all the clicks and beeps on the phone to actually investigate and find a plan. I call my husband at work , in IOWA, to let him know I had it taken care of it all by myself. I won’t lie and say I wasn’t expecting some sort of kudos. I explain the plan, tell him the monthly costs and this was his response, “Really? That seems high. Does that include maternity?” I’m thinking, what the hell does that have to do with the price of rice? Does he mean he wants another baby? What’s going on here? But soon , my question was answered with a hard swift, quick to my metaphorical balls.  “Why?” I ask. ” because…WE DON”T NEED MATERNITY!!!!!” Wow, it was almost as if, in that moment, he had a secret metaphorical vasectomy. That was what I felt like.  I don’t know why it bothered me, maybe because I felt like he was making a statement. Drawing a line in the sand of some sort. It’s not like we plan on having any more children, its just that statement felt so final. It made me apprehensive and nervous, you know like not having health insurance, in case you need to go to the doctor, or car insurance, in case you get into a wreck. I’m a planner and an organizer, not ashamed to say, a little bit of a control freak and I need insurances in life….just in case life throws me a curve ball.

  • In honor of National Marriage Week

    Love and Marriage ~ Apparently last week was National Marriage week. I, myself, was so deep in the throes of actually being in a Marriage that it completely escaped me. Well, to be honest, I never knew there was such a thing. But to be fair, I think it is a wonderful idea. I mean if we can celebrate Veterans Day and President’s Day, we can surely give some credit for those of us who have maintained a long and happy marriage, or maybe I should say those of us who make the decision daily to stick with it and be there and grow together through the thick and thin.Yes, that is marriage. It is choosing your best friend and planning a life together.

    Marriage is more than Bells and Whistles

    It’s not always like it was in the beginning, with all that new car smell and the fancy bells and whistles but it is definitely a worthwhile investment, if you choose wisely. It has come to my attention lately that most of my single friends have a similar response for why they are not yet married ( not that everyone needs to be married but these people I speak of have been close but never closed the deal) it seems that they expect it to always be in the “I can’t keep my hands off you, you’re the most awesome thing in the world, every moment I see you is like a Fijian sunset” phase. I know, my married friends reading this are chuckling and my single friends are saying , “yeah, so what?” The fact of the matter is this, that phase of marriage does not last (not at that intensity level) but something deeper evolves.

    It may not appear like my husband and I can’t live without one another every second of every day these days but let me tell you..once you’ve been through several years of marriage, children being born, several moves, births, deaths, the entire world changing around you..you become one another’s beacon of love and hope. You are one another’s home. You are the place where the other can go and let down their guard and be the self they are when they are alone but they get to share it..with you.That is marriage.

    Love+Hope+Happiness=Marriage

    I wouldn’t trade the look in his eyes that I get now for the look that I got when we were two college hotties living to jump one anothers bones. No way! Now, he looks at me in awe…like I am amazing. He knows the fortitude and strength it takes to do what I do. To be the mother of his children, to love him no matter what, to get the things done that need to be done but he also knows that when I get dressed up and do my hair, nails, make up and we are alone, I can still be that girl in college. Its just that now, I keep him fed,clothed, make our house our home, and I am his. I still see him and want to jump his bones and he does mine, as well…just now its not the only thing that we feel and see when we look at one another.I’m not knocking my single friends, I just feel like if they are expecting the new car smell in a relationship to last forever..or worse yet, passing up happiness in search of that metaphoric “new car smell”, they may be missing out on something wonderful.

    I have a theory about marriage, it relates to the housing market ( I have houses on the brain, since I’ve been searching for the past 6 months). Getting married is like buying a house, you find that house that you want to make your home and want to live forever. In reality, you may not live there forever but while you are there, it is a good investment. You make it your home, you create memories, you live and grow there. Someday, you may have to sell or want to upgrade but that home was a positive, wonderful thing in your life. It may have been where you had your children, or where you grew up yourself. It is where you lived the seasons of your life in love and security. Now, perpetual dating is like renting an apartment. You have a small commitment, no equity invested, and you can leave and upgrade or change apartments at anytime on a whim. There is no reason to stick out the rough times when the pipes are leaking, or the apartment no longer suits your furniture or lighting tastes. You simply walk away.

    I personally hate apartment living, because I have lived in a house. Maybe I was meant to live in a house, but I need to be somewhere that is mine and I can invest my life , my time, my heart, and my sweat and tears into.Plus, as a sidebar, just a reminder, my single friends, its easier to break a lease than to sale a house.

    Marriage is having your best friend at your side forever

  • Never expect Silence when children are awake!

    I know that it is crazy to expect to have a moment of peace and quiet to myself. I know that there are sacrifices to be made when you have children. I am on board with that. I was not so oblivious to think that my life would remain unchanged. I thought there would be changes. I knew things would never be the same, but I was not prepared for the magnitude; the depth and breadth of it all. When they were newborn, all my time was spend occupying their time. My life effectively became fulfilling their needs, and I did it joyfully. After all, what could be more beautiful then being the world to your child; in effect not only giving them life but now sustaining that life.In the beginning, that was amazing. Fast forward 4 years and add another child to that equation, and now I am the dancing monkey! Sometimes, I feel like they are truly on a quest to make me crazy. There is the 4 year old who will not listen to anything I say. She will look straight in your face as you tell her not to do something, and she will say,”OK, Mommy” And not 2 minutes later, she is committing the aforementioned crime, in spite of your best efforts. This is enough to frustrate Mother Teresa. Add to that the 2 year old, who is constantly scaling the walls and proving, time and again, that gravity truly exists and whom also repeats everything she says multiple times , at the top of her lungs, breaking the monotony only to scream in such a high pitched squeal that all the neighborhood dogs go onto a tempered rage.Do all this, and you have about 5 minutes of my glorious day. Please don’t think this is all there is to being the mother to my beautiful girls.They are, in fact, quite amazing. Sometimes though, even the most amazing child can be amazingly frustrating to you, when all you really need is a moment of silence to regroup and re energize. So, save yourself some aggravation and frustration and never expect silence when children are awake. Get your 5 minutes of quiet in before they wake. Live it, love it, learn it.Enjoy their spirit and rambunctiousness, and the fact that they want to be around you at all because soon that may not be the case.

  • Mom, Dad’s a Boy, he has a peanut!

    Mom, Dad’s a Boy, he has a peanut!

    “Mom, Dad’s a boy, he has a peanut!” What you may ask yourself is my 2 year old talking about? Well, lets just say our 2 year old, like all 2 year olds I know,likes to follow us absolutely EVERYWHERE we go. This includes the bathroom, the shower, the closet… you get the picture, there is no hiding anything from this kid. SO, today I just need to take a second and share some of the Gabi-isms that make her so special. I may even make you privy to some of our Bella-isms.

    Here are a few from today.
    “Mom, Dad’s a boy, he has a peanut!” this was told to me after walking in on Daddy coming out of the shower.

    “Momma, GYNE(JI-NEE) Plié!” This was said when I was rinsing her off after her shower. This came about because, if boys have a peanut ; girls have a (JI-NEE)/ the “Plié” comes from the fact that her 4 year old sister takes ballet and she knows what that stance looks like.

    “Oh SHit” yes this nugget came from an unfortunate run in with a Fergie song.

    “Momma, me Love you!” this is my favorite, except she was saying it to her 4 year old sister, who was playing the role of Mama in their imagination play time.

    “Dad….DDDAAAAD….DAAAAADDDEEEEE……………Come wipe me!” Hey, better him that me:)

    Those were just a few of the words that flew effortlessly out of her mouth today.

    Now, here are few of Bella’s that I have to share.

    “Honey, dreams don’t come true…dreams are for sleeping” she says this as she grabs me by the chin,and oh so seriously informs me of the ways of the world, while looking me directly in the eye. I think she was trying to break it to me gently, my little cynic.

    “Why do you make my life so miserable,” this was told to me, with all the theatrics of a teenager being told they can’t date, when I told her that she could not wear her dress up tutu to bed.

    “Mom, well, its OK..if you die (WTH!) take this (She hands me the keys to her Happy meal diary) and you can come back to me” Wow, I had no idea it was so easy. My bigger concern is why is she not very concerned.

    “Its OK if you die Mom,( its a recurring theme. WTH are they teaching her at preschool? LOL) I’ll just go stay with Sarah or Nicole (my friends, the mothers of her friends)! I think I really need to explain what the word “die” means! I think she thinks it means some kind of a night out:)

    Well, that was today. I can’t wait to see what tomorrow brings. My girls, revolutionizing my life, 1 moment at a time.

    What’s the craziest thing your kid has ever said?