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casual racism

The Racist You Know Does Not Approve this Message, casual racism

Estimated reading time: 7 minutes

Today is December 1st and I promised myself that I was going to start writing again. Real, honest to God, truthful writing about what’s going on in my world. Let me start by saying that it’s been a lot, even for this Gen X mom. If you’ve been reading here over the years, you know that I’ve been through a lot of shit (like everyone else) in my life and, even I, find 2022 to be a ridiculous amount of crazy. I’m not going to lay it all on you from the jump because, honestly, it’ll just sound like life’s a bad country song over here complete with a dog knocking on heaven’s door. But really, it’s not all bad (says the toxic positivity that’s currently keeping me afloat along with a lot of deep breaths and some pharmaceuticals). I’m still married to the Big Guy and the girls are doing their best. We have our health, mostly and we all love each other. That being said, since I decided to jump back in the blogging fire on Throat Punch Thursday, I figured I should share with you a throat punch-worthy story. Just be warned, the racist you know does not approve of this message ( even if they’re related to you).

In September, as we were recovering from CoVid, my husband’s grandmother, my daughters’ GG and one of the most vibrant women I’ve ever had the pleasure of knowing and loving died. It fucking sucked as you can imagine. Here comes the throat punch son of a bitch part of our program, at her funeral, I still can’t believe this happened, an extended family member who almost never speaks thought this was the time and place to tell me that he didn’t approve of “mixed” marriages and “biracial” children. Yes. He said this to me, out of the blue, at his Aunt’s funeral. This grown-ass man in his late 60’s who has said maybe a total of 15 words to me total in the past 23 years (maybe that’s why…he didn’t approve of me, my parents, my marriage, my brothers and sisters and my children). He probably thought I would hold my tongue because, you know, we were at a funeral but apparently, he doesn’t know me. I’ve been known to speak my mind at family funerals on more than one occasion. Don’t test me man. He just had to fuck around and find out and boy, did he find out.

Did I mention that he said, “people should stick with their own kind.”  QUE?QUE???  Apparently, that means he should only be associating and mixing with other garbage trolls. Did I mention my parents got married just barely after the time that interracial marriage became legal? Did that POS think my existence should be illegal? Does he think the fact that he was born with white skin and an Anglo surname makes his life somehow more valuable than mine? Than my fathers? Than my children’s lives?

I nearly swallowed my tongue at that level of flabbergast. Like what the actual f*ck?? Who says that kind of shit today? I know there are people that think that kind of shit but who says that out loud, to the face of a biracial woman at.a.funeral??? When I tell you that my head almost exploded, that is an understatement. He really should have kept that conversation inside his tiny, malfunctioning, racist brain.

Look, I am no stranger to racism. We’ve been here before. Casual racism is rampant in America, especially if you are white-passing. If I had a penny for every time a person made a slur about Mexicans and I informed them that I am, in fact, MEXICAN and they said, “no, not like you,” I’d be a billionaire. Apparently, if you’re white-passing and they get caught being racist, suddenly, you’re the exception. No, pendejo, I am not the exception. I am just like the rest of them and you are an offense to me. You disown my existence, I disown you twice,

Sorry about the tangent, this topic and this incident in particular, makes my blood boil. So back to my story after he basically told me that he doesn’t approve of my parent’s marriage, my marriage, my existence or that of my children, I very calmly (in a whisper-shout as to feign composure while exposing him to all the other funeral goers including a cousin who was a priest and within earshot as a racist piece of caca) said, “You do realize that I am biracial. My dad is from Mexico. My parents are in a biracial marriage. My husband, your 2nd cousin, is in a biracial marriage. Our children are mixed. All of my brothers and sisters, we are mixed.”

The racist you know

Him: ……….

Me: “Why? Why do you “not approve”? What do you mean people should “stick with their own kind”? You mean humans should stick with other humans?”

Him: “I didn’t mean like YOU.”

Me: “There’s no difference between me and “them”. We are all the same kind.”

Him: “Well, I’m sorry. It’s just what I believe. It’s how I was raised.”

Me: “So your dad was a racist? Because I know your mom isn’t. She has loved me since the day she met me.” Let me tell you, if Alzheimer’s didn’t have a firm hold on her, I’d definitely tell on his ass.

Him: “Oh God no. My dad once heard me say “n*gger” when I was a kid and I got spanked.” Maybe what he should have gotten was aborted. (OK, I went too far but honestly, he’s a trash human being and not fit for human consumption.)

Me: (Picks jaw up off ground) Did he really just say the N-word at a funeral? Did he really just say that word out loud anywhere on the face of the earth?

Him: “That woman lying in the casket (his aunt) her dad (his grandfather) was the biggest racist I’ve ever met.” Apparently, racism skips a generation in some families.

Me: “Well, I’m glad I never met him. I’m kind of wishing I never met you either.”

And that’s when I decided to never see this asshole ever again because life is too short for dealing with this level of ignorance. Fuck him and his racist grandpa who I never had the misfortune to ever meet.

The racist you know does not approve of this message

All this to say, I believe in freedom of speech but not freedom to hate. I was raised by my biracial parents to treat everyone with equal respect and tolerance. I give everyone a chance until they show me they don’t deserve one. I see color and I honor the differences. I welcome the opportunity to learn from others about their culture and to see life from their perspective. We are all human beings and everyone is equal in my mind until they prove otherwise.

You know how you become less than to me? By having a poor character, no ethics or integrity, being judgmental and choosing to hate others simply because you don’t approve, understand or look like them. I don’t hate anyone but if you are a prejudiced garbage person, I also reserve the right to not give you space and time in my heart (even if we’re related). I was raised to believe that family is everything but being a part of my family means unconditional love and acceptance, not down low disgust and contempt for the existence of everyone I love. This man and his hatred are a hard pass, certain hell no for me.

What would you have done? Should I have been more aggressive? Should I have given him an actual throat punch at the funeral? He certainly deserved it but out of respect for GG, I restrained my passionate Latina desire to throat-punch him right there and then.  Hopefully, I’ll never cross paths with him again but if I do, here’s hoping he has learned his lesson and keeps his mouth shut because I definitely won’t.

The racist you know doesn’t get a free pass just because they’re related to you, work with you or grew up with you. Stop making yourself small to try to blend in or hide. Stand tall and speak your truth. They should know better and if they don’t, let them fuck around and find out right then and there, wherever that might be.

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