The TRUTH About Motherhood

Tag: blogging

#BlogHer13 was All about One Hug
As you might remember, for about a month and especially the week prior to my first ever BlogHer, I was quite the hot mess mentally. I was overthinking everything. I wasn’t necessarily nervous about going to the conference and being a newbie because I am not a newbie. I have been blogging for over 4 years and I was mostly having some anxiety about whether or not I would live up to what people were expecting. I know it sounds so high schoolish when I say it out loud. It is. High school is exactly what the anticipation of my first BlogHer felt like. Luckily, it was nothing like that.
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This is me, the first night of BlogHer13!
I am lucky because I have the good fortune of knowing a lot of people online and even more fortunate that they extended invitations to me to hang out in person. I will always be forever grateful for Tracy Beckerman for inviting me to a dinner on Wednesday night with a wonderful group of men and women that are not only funny, they are some of the most wickedly down-to-earth, awesomely humble rock stars I have ever met.
I was afraid that even though we’ve “known” one another “forever” online, they were going to take one good look at me and ask “Who the fuck are you?” Surprisingly, they did not. Each one grabbed my neck and hugged my genuinely and pulled back with a knowing smile and instead of feeling like an overwhelmed newbie, I felt like I was at a reunion, returning to my blogging home. I mean these people GET.ME! They.Really.Get.Me and let’s be honest, they know more about me than most people who I see everyday. I don’t give people I know the url to my diary. It doesn’t happen. That set the tone for my entire experience. It only took one hug.
Then my roomie showed up; the phenomenon that is Jenni Chiu; Vlogger Extraordinaire and wickedly awesome wordsmith. She got in late Wednesday night. I was asleep but promptly woke up when she walked in. The first thing I saw was her smiling face (now that I think of it, she was probably laughing because I was most likely snoring like a boss). She hugged me like a long lost sister and we talked into the wee hours of the night. We were instant best friends and it only took one hug.
Sure, there were parties, events, dinners and meetings but it all boiled down to one thing for me; being myself and leaving myself open to getting to know a whole lot of amazing women. Putting faces to voices, seeing the knowing in their eyes, people who know all your secrets and still read you and want to meet you is a beautiful thing.

There were a lot of awesome people and amazing things. I won’t name them all because honestly, I don’t want you to be jealous of all the fucking amazing women I got to spend 5 days in Chicago with. My experience is not your experience and yours is not mine and I am sure you had your own amazing women you spent your 5 days with.
But I did learn a few things:
Don’t over pack! Dear Lord, did I ever. Seriously, you don’t need to take 15 outfits for 5 days. And don’t pack more than 3 pairs of shoes but pack loads of undies because these are some funny people.
Unless you are photography blogger, leave your ginormous DSLR at home.
You do not need your laptop. I am a pen and paper kind of gal.
Bring lots of water.Lots.Of.Water!!!
Take more photos! I got so wrapped up in meeting people that I completely forgot to capture the moment in photos, which is good because they had my full attention but bad because now, I have no photos of their gorgeous faces.
Do not attend everything you are invited to. Honestly, I was triple booked every day all day long. I had to miss a lot. Pick what is a good fit for you and your blog and then focus on a few more intimate gatherings. Believe me the conversations that I had with women in the middle of the night in hallways and lobbies were awesome.
Swag is nice but it is NOT the reason to attend a conference. I prefer hugs and smiles, long conversations with new old friends over anything else.
Don’t drink too much. There were a lot of people trying to summons their liquid courage; it ended with dancing like Elaine from Seinfeld, slurring to complete strangers that you love them and crying in the bathroom. I don’t recommend it. I hear the morning after hangovers were epic.
Go to VOTY! It is the most important part of BlogHer. It is what we are all about; the writing. I hope.
Wear comfortable shoes!!! 5-inch heels have no place on the expo floor. Well, unless you are one of those awesome broads who has no feeling in her feet and can do that sort of thing. I, myself, have a tendency for my feet to mutiny and hyper-extend. Even in wedges, I wake up with punishing Charlie Horses in the middle of the night.
Give feedback! Don’t be a complainer, give BlogHer constructive feedback. For instance, I feel there should be an even more advanced track for bloggers who have been doing this for a long time. I also feel that a couple of my sessions that I really looked forward to, fell flat and were disappointing because the speaker didn’t focus on her topic. That was frustrating after a paid all that money to learn something particular and the speaker failed to share her knowledge in a helpful way.
Don’t be afraid to join the conversation. Say hi! None of us bite. I think by nature most of us are a little bit introverted (we work online from home, we are not the most outgoing people) but I swear, I will hug the shit out of you if you come up to me and tell me it’s nice to meet me, you read me or you follow me. Just ask Nicole.
Embrace the fan girl. We all have one and we all are one, on some level. We write online. For me, I write completely openly and honestly because, in my mind, I am alone on my computer but that actually creates a connection with my readers (your readers) as I found out this past weekend. So when a fan of your work comes up to you and squeals and squees about how great you are…grab that girl and hug her out do.not.give.her.the.blank.stare. If you do, you are the asshole in this scenario, not her.
Take time to make people connections, it is NOT all about the swag, or how many “famous” bloggers you can meet and cross off your list (even though FULL DISCLOSURE, I did go completely FAN.GIRL. on Ree Drummond. It’s embarrassing but I may or may not have completely body checked her when we were going into VOTY. Sorry Ree!)
Be yourself!!! OMG, the best thing said to me at the entire conference was a blogger who told me that I was completely the same person online as I am offline. I hope that was a compliment. Either way, I am taking it as one. Of course, she may think I am a complete asshole online:)
Bottom line is BlogHer is for connecting; faces and voices with blogs was the connection I wanted to make and I did. I tried to see everyone I promised to hug and if I missed you, I am sorry. I honestly, loved meeting each and every one of you, even the woman who said hello, threw a card at us and ran away. Come back! I don’t bite. I might hug you hard and kiss your cheeks but I do not bite.
Thank all of you who I met for making BlogHer an unbelievably amazing experience. I feel renewed in my blogging. I don’t feel like I am alone in a room anymore because I know there are people out there, connecting with me and to my story and they care. All this started from one hug.
What was your greatest take away from BlogHer13 or any blogging conference you have attended?[/fusion_builder_column][/fusion_builder_row][/fusion_builder_container]
2013/07/30
Dealing with Blogger Mommy Guilt?
The first thing I read this morning was a piece by my good friend, Jessica Gottlieb, Which came first the Anxiety Disorder or the Blog? Her post really resonated with me in a lot of ways but the most important takeaway that I had was the realization that I need to live more and blog less. This is nothing new. I have known this for some time now. Hell, I know that I need to back the fuck away from the computer and get out of my head and into my life. I need to unplug and it has never been as evident as it is this summer. (more…)
2013/06/26
Must Have Wordpress Plugins for Every Blogger
There are a million Wordpress plugins for Wordpress sites and they are constantly updating an evolving. It is hard to keep up. Hell, if you are new to Wordpress, it’s difficult to even know where to begin. I’ve had my site for almost 4 years (next month) and I’ve been on Wordpress for the past 2.5 years. I still am finding new ones that I should have been using like Facebook page promoter, which is my new favorite this week.
My personal recommendations for must have Wordpress Plugins are as follows:
Akismet: Akismet checks your comments against the Akismet web service to see if they look like spam or not and lets you review the spam it catches under your blog’s “Comments” admin screen.
Wordpress SEO by Yoast: WordPress SEO plugin goes the extra mile to take care of all the technical optimization, more on that below, it first and foremost helps you write better content. WordPress SEO forces you to choose a focus keyword when you’re writing your articles, and then makes sure you use that focus keyword everywhere.
Alpine Phototile for Instagram: The Alpine PhotoTile for Instagram is capable of retrieving photos from a particular Instagram user or tag. The photos can be linked to the your Instagram page, a specific URL, or to a Lightbox slideshow. Also, the Shortcode Generator makes it easy to insert the widget into posts without learning any of the code.
Comment Luv: CommentLuv Pro has even more amazing features that can bring even more traffic and comments to your blog by giving you the ability to fight spam, add keywords, integrate twitterlink, add a top commentators widget, social enticements and by having it installed on your site, you get advanced backlink features on EVERY CommentLuv blog when you comment (there are 10’s of thousands of CommentLuv blogs)
Facebook Page Promoter Lightbox (My new favorite): All your visitors should know about your facebook page and tell their friends. With this plugin you can display a preconfigured Facebook Fan Page-Like Box inside a lightbox (overlay).
Official Statcounter plugin: The Official StatCounter WordPress Plugin brings you all the powerful StatCounter features to your wordpress blog.

I also did some research on Facebook and asked my blogger readers what they thought were the must haves. I have compiled that list for you! Enjoy, my friends.

Lizz Porter: Am I A Funny Girl
Tweet Old Post
Twylah
YARPP
No Right Click Images
GiGi Ross: Kludgy Mom
NRelated Content
Pretty Pinterest Pins
Greet Box
Rebel Mouse
Super Cache
Editorial Calendar
Social Author Bio
Melissa Arce Culbertson: MomcommComment Reply Notification
Woo Commerce
Popular Post
What would Seth Godin Do?
Corey Feldman: Corey Feldman
W3 Total Cache
Google XML Sitemaps
Hotfix
WPTouch
iFrame
Copyrighted post
Jetpack
What is your must have wordpress plugin? Please share in the comments!
2013/04/26
How Media Temple Rescued My Blog from GoDaddy
Media Temple saved my blog.If you are a blogger you know how important it is to have a dependable web host. Well, I used to be with GoDaddy.com. I know, I deserve what I got for ever hosting with them. Bad juju was sure to catch up with me but to be fair, we signed up with them a couple of years ago, before the elephant episode and before the disgusting GoDaddy.com nerd-slobbering kiss of Kate Upton. Both situations worthy of jumping ship but I am ashamed to say that I stayed with them. I had every intention of leaving them but I just never got around to it. I was afraid of change. Better to face the devil you know and all that. (more…)
2013/04/24
Tips,Tricks & People that Every Blogger Should Know
It’s Friday and I have been meeting a lot of new up and coming bloggers and it got me to thinking, I really wish someone would have written me a how to guide when I first started. Not on just the mechanics of how to blog but who to know and who to follow and who’s fun and what not; where to find good paid opportunities and places to write for and how to pitch. I had NO idea how to pitch a piece. (more…)
2013/04/12
What Every Blogger Should Know About Blogging
I wasn’t sure that I should write this piece about blogging practices because it will probably piss some people off. I’ve been blogging for 4 years and over the years, I have made some truly great friends; women who have virtually held me when I was having my greatest breakdowns, shown me the blogging ropes and commiserated with me when I had lost all control of my household, had no sleep and was covered in spit up and baby shit. They’ve become my sisters. You know who you are and I love you ladies.
In these 4 years, I have also learned that blogging is not just about the sisterhood, it’s a business and there are a whole lot of ladies trying to be king of the mountain and that summit if pretty fucking small. (more…)
2013/03/20
The TRUTH about Everything
Quietly, I sit here changing. Everything around me is different now. My perspective has changed. I am letting go and giving in; trying to become who I am meant to be. It’s hard to let go of the idea and live in the reality. People change, children grow up and we are ever evolving. The very world we live in is constantly developing so we must adapt and contour and change to find our place. (more…)
2013/01/16
Through it All, I Blog
I blog, therefore I am
Through it all, I blog. There is honor and integrity in a blogger who writes in real time, through the pain and the joy, in the face of the most uncomfortable times in her life. This is the blogging standard that I have set for myself since I began blogging. If you are afraid to hit the publish button, you know that you are being true to yourself. Because, lets face it, there is nothing quite as scary as telling the world your deepest, darkest secrets or exposing your weaknesses only to have those very experiences thrown back in your face and used as a weapon against you.
When you are raw and vulnerable, this is when you are at your best. This is when you are genuine. This is when you are relate-able and real. This is when you are your most human. If I wanted sunshine and rainbows blown up my ass, I would read fairy tales. I read blogs. Don’t get me wrong, fairy tales have there place but honest, raw, gut wrenching flawed life is what gets me through the days. I have blogged through some of the worst days of my life. This is where I find support and genuine connections. Who can find a connection if it’s draped in superficiality and bullshit?
I am afraid of perfection. I certainly don’t know it well. It is out of my depth. Quite frankly, if you are always rainbows and unicorns I feel like you are not being honest with yourself and you are definitely not being honest with me. I want understanding and commiseration, not judgment and aloofness. I want to see a part of myself in you and I want to recognize you in me. I want to connect not be talked at. I want to be talked to and more important, I want to be listened to.
I blog because I am a writer.
I survive experiences by writing them down and wading through the thick of it. I use those same experiences to look back and get perspective. I use my words to get to know myself on a deeper level. My words help me to expose myself in a way that I may otherwise be too afraid to share. My words can scream words that my mouth is too terrified to whisper. The judgment and condemnation of my words is not immediate. I don’t have to see your face or disapproval. I can just tell my story to the world and hope that somewhere, someone else can relate. Every thought I have may not be earth shattering, whose is? But my words may be just the thing that is so relate-able that it saves someone else who’s suffering. My words are a life preserver. Someday they may comfort my children when my voice can no longer speak to them.
Writing is as crucial to my survival as breathing. Writing is my safe place. Writing has saved my life. Without it, all the feelings of helplessness, anger, vulnerability, sadness and confusion would’ve eaten me alive. Writing, for me, is about more than words on paper and never about writing just what others want to hear. Anyone who has ever read my blog can attest to that. Sometimes my truth is so brutally honest that I offend myself. I cringe, I blog my truth and hit publish anyway.
Why do you blog?
Through it all, I blog

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2012/08/08
Online Persona ~ Perception or Deception?
Online Persona; Who’s Really Behind the Screen?
Online Persona~ What does that even mean? What does your online persona say about you? Does online persona mean that we are not who we say we are? Does it mean that we are like the great and powerful Oz and we sit behind the cloak of our computer screens and pretend to be someone or something that we are not? Or is online persona simply a version of ourselves that we feel safer sharing with the world at large? For me, my online persona is ME…magnified. You can ask anyone who has met me in real life, I am just as loud and opinionated in real life as I am on the internet but I am also as caring and loving.
Of course, I am also quiet and subdued when you first meet me. After all, I am a lady not some rodeo circus clown just spouting silliness to make the world laugh. I am also very passionate and I love my friends and family in a big way. The way I love my readers on here in a big way. You, boys and girls, are my tribe. You know most of my deepest and darkest secrets and you’ve seen me at my best and worst. Hell, you know things about me that not even some of the people who know me in real life know about me. I feel safe with you. This is one of the great things about blogging; my online village.
Online Persona; Who are We Really?
Then again there is a not so great part and that is the part where a writer can be taken out of context, misinterpreted or scrutinized. One post taken out of context can seem barbaric to a first time reader but if you knew me, you’d know that it was just vulnerability ( because I feel safe enough with you to be myself transparently). Writing online is like moving into a community, meeting your neighbors and making friends. You grow together, you know one another’s stories and you support one another.
But if you write at a new venue or someone comes to your blog for the first time, you are the new guy again. Of course, if they have found your blog, they are technically in your house. If they found you at a new venue, it’s something different entirely. You’ve just moved into an entirely different part of the online universe, some place across the online world and nobody knows you. If you go in and act like you own the place with your bold and loud antics, you may turn some off. After all, these new neighbors haven’t had years to find you endearing. To them, you may be like damn sandpaper. Really loud and obnoxious sandpaper. You might be taken out of context. Hell, when you speak to them about Throat Punching, they may take offense and not know that you are trying to right the wrongs in the universe. They may think that you are a judgmental asshole because you are new and they don’t know you. Keep that in mind the next time you read a new blogger, maybe they are not so bad. Maybe you’ve only taken them out of context or they were having a bad day. Remember a blog post is just a snippet, a moment out of a lifetime.
What do you do? You want to be yourself and be transparent but you also don’t want people to want to lynch you for being taken out of context. How do you make your online persona reflect the person you truly are without leaving yourself open to being attacked for being YOURSELF?
What do you want your online persona to say about you?
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2012/04/04
Protecting Your Privacy Online
Online Privacy, what’s enough?
Privacy Please. Blogging is very personal. When I started blogging, it was 1) to exercise my writing muscles 2) to keep a memory book of my children growing up and this time in our life. I never even took privacy into consideration. I just assumed I was writing, on my computer, and that was where it was staying…like writing in my diary as a teenager, but without the paper.
I took the online name Truthful Mommy because I knew I wanted to be honest and by operating under a pseudonym, I could do that with a bit more ease. I wasn’t really too concerned about what I was going to write as much as I was concerned about who might find me by using my birth name; high school friends, people who hate me, people I know in real life who don’t know me as well as they might if they read my blog. People who were in Junior League with me, or on the school board or some of the Mom’s groups I was involved in at the time. I didn’t really want to hand them my diary.
I wanted the freedom to express myself and the safety of a space where I could be true to the process. I didn’t want to be censored because, honestly, censoring your journals is lying to yourself about your history.Besides, doesn’t old age muddle the truth enough as it is; sundowners is a bitch and I know I won’t remember everything exactly as it happened when I’m 87. I didn’t want my children to one day read a lie. I wanted to be able one day to give them access to my blog and let them know that we have all been there. I wanted that connection. I want them to know that we are united as women and as mothers and I understand everything they are going through. I wasn’t thinking of privacy.
I write honestly, irreverently and occasionally in a very raw manner. I find that, to this day still, I only want people that I don’t know in real life at all or that I know in real life but VERY well to read my blog. All the acquaintances and people I know from school, church, the local moms groups…I don’t want them to ever find me online. Ever. Father would be quite disappointed to know just how bad my potty mouth is. Yet, I started using my real name because I wanted to start working as a freelance writer and it just seemed more professional.
My community grew from a handful of family members and friends in the last couple of years to an audience that is growing by the day upwards of 50,000+ if you include my blog page views, subscribers, GFC, Facebook, Twitter, Google +, Pinterest, Aiming Low, Smart Mom Style and the Stir.
How much of your privacy are you willing to forfeit?
I still write uncensored. I have to. This is my mission. My blog is called The TRUTH about Motherhood not I’m going to blow sunshine and unicorns up your ass about Motherhood. My honesty has gotten me some trolls to be sure. Not everyone will agree with me, nor do I expect or want them to. Variety is the spice of life and I like life spicy. But I’d be lying if I didn’t say that seeing my numbers rise, getting the feedback and having received my fair share of hate mail, it has made me rethink some things.
For example, do you use your children’s photos in your blog? I used to have the pages of my blog filled with my girls’ photos and then I realized that when people don’t like what you say, they will take shots to hurt you wherever that might be. I can’t take that chance. So, there are seldom ever any recent photos of my girls on my blog anymore. It had to become, at least a little bit, about protecting the family on the web.
I used to use names of people that I knew (I know, this is blogging 101 but I had no idea). I don’t do that anymore. I’ve never used my husband’s name, nor talked about the place I work. I don’t talk about where I live. You’ll never catch me on Foursquare because I don’t want to give people a road map to come stab me.
I’m just wondering, what do you do to maintain your privacy online? It feels so personal that sometimes you forget that you are talking to the entire world and you never really know who’s listening. It could be someone who will give you the next greatest opportunity of your life or it could be the next Ted Bundy.
We really never know who is sitting behind the screen talking to us because we are all anonymous online. Next time you tweet, update your status on FB or write a blog post, just remember that your boss could be reading it. Your mortal enemy could be reading it. Your best friend. The mean mom from yoga class. The guy whose heart you broke in 9^th grade. Your priest could be reading it.
Why did you start blogging? How much of yourself are you willing to give away? Where do you draw the line in what you publish? How do you protect your privacy online.
I will talk more about ways to protect your privacy online in a follow up post about blogging.
Privacy, how many of us have any?
Photo Source
2012/03/27