The TRUTH About Motherhood

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Day 1 of Year 50 the Midlife Awakening that Transformed Me

Estimated reading time: 3 minutes
I still feel 25 just with bad knees. How fast a half a century has gone by. The first 18 years felt slow as molasses for me but I know in retrospect, as a mom myself now, that only the first twelve months move in slow motion, sometimes even feeling like it’s moving in reverse. But every year after that goes at lightning speed. Too fast for me to notice in the thick of it but it was the burden of my parents to feel every bit of it. I had no idea. I do now on day 1 of year 50.
For the first 25 years, I lived recklessly because the burden to worry was my parents. I was afforded the luxury of living in a gilded cage that my young, inexperienced mind thought was an electrified prison. But in reality, I lived so selfishly that even those I thought were important to me were treated callously. Unintentionally, I was not malicious but I couldn’t see past myself.
The last 25 we’re about building a life outside of my birth family. It was the time when love found me, took hold of me and changed me for the better. That love opened my eyes and my heart. Soon, the pendulum swung too far in the opposite direction and the selfish, self absorbed girl I once was quietly and I in noticeably evolved into a selfless martyr who sacrificed everything for everyone. My body, my career, my wants and needs, the life I’d so meticulously planned and longed for.
But don’t feel sorry for me. In exchange I got so much more than I could have imagined. Not things but something I never had …. Stability which sounds mundane but not to someone whose entire life has been completely nuanced in tumultuous chaos. It hard for a bird to take flight with a chain and cinder lock around its neck. I got unconditional healthy love with no restrictions and ever replenishing. I got loved for who I was not in spite of it.I felt seen and heard so much so that I didn’t have to tirelessly fight to be understood. I felt peace and safe. Safe to be my most vulnerable self and still love remained. In return, I happily dedicated my life to nurturing those relationships. I built a life with my best friend whom I wholly adore as he does me. I raised amazing human beings who I’m
Proud to know and privileged to love. But pretty soon, they’ll be starting the next 25 years of life and I refuse to put the chain of guilt around their necks. Instead I will raise them up towards the heavens and encourage them to take flight.
My last 25 years have been about putting out fires. The next 25 years I will live my life with intention. It’s time for me to set life on fire. I am no longer going to white knuckle through life wishing and hoping things turn out alright. I’m letting go of things, people and other peoples expectations that no longer serve me. The time of mediocrity and sacrifice has passed.
I’ve loved the last 50 years. Honestly, I’ve got a lot of great memories and stories. I’ve gained invaluable memories and experience. I’ve gained something that you can only earn with age…wisdom. I’ve lived 10 lifetimes in the past 50 years..but this next part is going to be about me and reclaiming my relationship with the Big Guy.
No more getting by or doing what I’m supposed to do. If it’s not a hell yeah, it’s a hell no for me. Today’s the day, the first day of forever this is not a crisis it’s just the beginning. This is day 1 of year 50 and this is my midlife awakening. What would you do if you could do anything?
2022/09/26
Dangerous Things You Probably Shouldn’t Let Your Children Do
Estimated reading time: 3 minutes
As a mom, you want to do everything you can to protect your children, but sometimes, it’s not obvious that the thing they want to do could have some hidden risks and actually be harmful to their health and wellbeing. You know they shouldn’t play with matches or miss their shots, but there are less obvious dangers that you might miss.
With that in mind, let’s take a look at some dangerous things you should probably not let your children do that you might not even be aware of:
Play music loudly
There is obviously nothing wrong with letting your kids enjoy music, but if they are using earbuds, then you should make sure that they keep the volume on the lower side to avoid potential ear loss. You can also p rotect the hearing of small children by wearing ear defenders if they plan on attending concerts with loud music. The whole family can still have fun, but in such a way that it will not be detrimental to their hearing.
Don’t let them play with dangerous toys
You could be forgiven for thinking any toy you buy at the store is totally safe for your child but that is not necessarily the case. Many toys contain small parts like button batteries and safety pins, which can be really dangerous if they come off and your child eats them, so as a parent, you should always check out the safety credentials of toys before you give them to your kids.
Don’t keep them out of the dirt
Okay, so this is not really dangerous so much as counterintuitive. If you try to keep your child pristine at all times, it could actually be bad for their health. Kids need exposure to a little dust and dirt to help them build strong immune systems, so although you should not let them play unsupervised in dirty areas, letting them get a bit muddy in the yard now and again is fine, and may actually help them.
Do not spoil them
It may seem harmless enough to give your kids everything they want when they are young, but I certainly did. But it could be causing mental health problems for them in the future when they do not get everything they want.
Kids who are spoiled find it harder to make friends, harder to deal with rejection and more difficult to be resilient, which can lead to anxiety and depression as they get older and realize that not everyone will spoil them as much as you do.
Don’t let them have secrets
It might seem harmless enough to encourage your kids to keep it secret that you ate cookies for lunch or whatever, but you need to bear in mind that some secrets are actually pretty dangerous and by encouraging them to keep a harmless one, you might make it easier for predators to encourage them to keep bad secrets too, Always be honest and open.
If you don’t let your kids do any of the above, then they will be less likely to get into difficulties and their well-being will be much better as a result.
2022/05/11
In Defense of VSCO Girls Everywhere a Parents Guide to Understanding VSCO girls
I’m a VSCO mom. I used to be a VSCO girl, back in the 90’s. I was one of the original VSCO girls, so I do not begrudge my girls a little social consciousness with a side of scrunchie, messy bun and oversized shirts. I love that my girls care more about the environment and saving turtles than who they’ll be giving their scrunchies too.
According to Google, VSCO girl is a term, generally used as an insult, for a young, usually white woman who posts trendy pictures of herself edited on the app VSCO. Stereotypes of the VSCO girl include wearing Birkenstock sandals, drinking out of Hydro Flask reusable water canisters, saying sksksk and I oop, and generally seeking attention online.
I actually love the VSCO girl idea because at the heart of it, what it really is, is young girls finding themselves. We’ve all been there. When I was a teen, I was several iterations of myself. I was a new wave emo girl, I was a prep, I was a social activist, I was a crunchy hippie and I was a little bit grungy. I was most definitely a nerd, an artist and at one point, I was even a club kid. I’m pretty sure I was 1000% more annoying than any kid saying. “sksksk” ever could be.
READ ALSO: Parents Guide to Teen Slang
Just to be clear, I am a grown woman now and I always use the VSCO app for my Instagram. I’ve been wearing Birkenstocks since the 80’s. My girls are wearing some of the scrunchies I’ve had since the 90’s and still wear now. Hydro Flask, Swell, Yeti…I have all of them because I drink water almost exclusively. Water is life. I am and have always been very socially conscious and I’ve put my money where my mouth was. PETA, Greenpeace, Amnesty International and WWF, I’m a card carrying member. I want to save the world. I want to save the elephants and yes, I even want to save the turtles. We (the whole family) own those metal reusable straws. We recycle and vegetarian is how we roll most days of the week.
What does all of this have to do with anything? What it means is that right now, your little/tween/teen/even early 20’s girl is trying on different personalities for size to see which one best fits her. Just because that might not look like what you imagined, doesn’t mean it’s not right. She’s finding her way and there is nothing we could want more for our girls (and boys) than for them to be the best them they can be and be comfortable in their own skin as they do it.
So what if she’s carrying around a hydro flask? So what if her sweatshirt can fit 2 girls inside of it and her shorts are tiny? So what if her favorite hairstyle is a top knot? Maybe this is how she feels beautiful and how she feels comfortable in her skin. Is it really the worst thing that she can do to have a wrist full of scrunchies? The “sksksksksk” is just another way to say “lol” and who among us hasn’t used that? And I know that no one who ever said, “Gnarly, dude, rad, totally or awesome sauce” is making fun of sksksk.
The thing is VSCO girl is being thrown around like an insult to our girls. I know we all think it’s cute and the VSCO girl memes are entertaining. Hell, even our girls being VSCO girls might be entertaining but do we really need another derogatory term to belittle our girls? There are already so many employed by the misogynist of the world do we need more?
Just remember, these tweens and teen girls are just trying to figure out who they want to be in life. It’s like trying on clothes to see what you feel the most beautiful in. Let her look at herself with an untainted heart. Maybe she’s a VSCO girl and maybe she’s not but let her figure that out. As parents, especially as moms, we are here to support and guide our girls into adulthood not shame them into feeling less than. The world will do that soon enough.
READ ALSO: Teen Girls Rebel when teen boys rate Female Classmates
Being a VSCO girl is harmless, even if it may be annoying to you. I’m sure when we were teens, our parents thought a lot of the fads and slang we used was weird and crazy too. Maybe they said something to make you feel less than about it or maybe they just let you try it on for size. Bless my parents, they let me be and loved me for who I was, whomever that was on any given day.
This is how we grow and evolve into who are meant to be. Just imagine if that process was cut short by ridicule and we never fully reached our potential because of what other people thought? Or what if we never felt comfortable in our own skin because someone else made us feel like we weren’t good enough?
You are good enough. Your VSCO girl is good enough. Viva Hydro Flasks and long live the turtles. So next time you think about using the term VSCO girl as an insult, ask yourself, is this giggle worth making my daughter feel small or making her think twice about sharing the next iteration of who she will become with you? Because before any of us can become who we are meant to be, we have to be who we were. This is how we grow up.
READ ALSO: The TRUTH about Parenting Teenagers from a Mom of Teens
What do you think of the VSCO Girl? Did you used to be one? Are you raising one? Whatever the case may be, hug your VSCO girl, let her be all the versions of herself she needs to be to become the fabulous, fierce woman she is meant to be and keep your “and I oop” moments about her in your head (unless she’s in danger). This too shall pass.
XOXO, VSCO mom out.
2019/10/25
5 Ways to Relax at Night: Chill Out and Get Ready for Bed
Estimated reading time: 5 minutes
Do you have trouble winding down at night? An endless list of things show up in your brain right at the exact moment you’re supposed to be drifting off to LaLa land? If so, you’re not alone. Unfortunately, millions of people have difficulty relaxing and getting ready for bed. I’ve been an insomniac since college so I know a little bit about this topic. Fortunately, there are several things you can do to help yourself calm down, relax and prepare for sleep. This blog post will discuss 6 ways to relax at night, chill out and get ready for bed.
Disclosure: Some of the products mentioned in this post were sent to me for review purposes. All opinions and gynecological misadventures are all my own.
Listen to calm music
There is something about music that can soothe us and make us feel more relaxed. So if you’re struggling to wind down at night, try listening to some calm music. This can help you relax both your mind and body, making it easier to fall asleep.
Some suitable genres of music to listen to for relaxation purposes include classical, jazz, and nature sounds. Many apps and websites offer calming music specifically designed to help you sleep.
Do some gentle stretching
Gentle stretching is another great way to relax your body and mind before bed. It can help relieve tension and reduce stress. You can do several different stretches, so find ones that work best for you. Start by doing some simple neck and shoulder rolls. Then, move on to other body areas such as your back, legs, and arms. Hold each stretch for 20-30 seconds before moving on to the next one.
Doing some light stretching before bed can also help improve your sleep quality and reduce the risk of pain waking you up during the night. But don’t do a full cardio workout unless you want that rush of endorphins at bedtime. Be warned it won’t bode well for your insomnia.
Sit outside for a while
If you have trouble relaxing indoors, try spending some time outside. Sitting or lying down in a park or other green space can help reduce stress and anxiety. I keep a comfy sectional on my deck for just this reason. The fresh air and natural light can also do wonders for your sleep quality. If it’s not possible to sit outside, simply open a window to let some fresh air into your room. You can also try smoking marijuana outside if it helps you to relax. But you might want to invest in this spray to get rid of weed smell and keep the neighbors out of your business. Or just go the edible route, no nasal evidence left behind.
Take a relaxing bath
There is nothing quite like a warm bath to help you relax at night. Add some soothing aromatherapy, add a few drops of lavender oil to your bathtub or light a delicious smelling candle to help further promote relaxation. One of my favorites is GYV MesoAmerican Beauty Mango pineapple candle. The heat from the water can also help reduce muscle pain and tension. Soak in your tub for 20-30 minutes to give yourself enough time to relax fully. Moisturize yourself from head to toe. I love the Mango lotion from GYV. For luxuriously attractive and beautiful glowing skin I’m obsessed with Dignity Coconuts lip balms and raw coconut oil.
After your bath, avoid any activities that will stimulate your mind or body. This means no working, watching TV, or using your phone or computer. You want your body and mind to be relaxed, so give yourself time to wind down before bed.
Pop a gummy
IYKYK if you don’t, I’m definitely talking about a CBD gummy. Just 1 Inflamade Yummy Watermelon Vegan Sleep Solution gummy and you will sleep all night long. Deep Sleep CBD + CBN Vegan Gummies combine the power of CBD + CBN – and works to put your mind at ease and sleep throughout the night. With 20mg CBD + 5mg CBN, and 3mg Melatonin per watermelon gummy, products are lab tested to ensure 0% THC and 100% Drug Test Safe.
The compounds CBD and CBN have different impacts on the body, but when combined, they aid in alleviating restless nights and insomnia.
If you are looking for something with THC to relax your mind before bed and get a great night’s sleep, I highly recommend Berry Burst Indica Gummies by Encore Edibles at your local dispensary. It’s one of my personal favorites for overwhelmed and exhausted moms who just can’t relax. It does the job 100% of the time.
Practice some deep breathing exercises:
Deep breathing is a simple but effective way to relax your body and mind. It can help reduce stress and anxiety, lower blood pressure, and improve sleep quality. To do a deep breathing exercise, simply sit or lie down in a comfortable position. Close your eyes and focus on taking slow, deep breaths. Breathe in through your nose and out through your mouth. Try to inhale enough to expand your stomach, not just your chest.
All this to say, there are many things you can do to relax at night. By listening to calm music, doing some gentle stretching, spending time outside, taking a relaxing bath, and practicing deep breathing exercises, you can wind down and get ready for a good night’s sleep.
These are 5 ways to relax at night, chill out and get ready for bed. What is your top tip for relaxing at night?
2022/05/10
How to Stop Your House from Becoming a Money Pit
Estimated reading time: 6 minutes
As a homeowner, you find out pretty quickly that there are always unexpected issues and costs. Surprise, the central air isn’t working! Surprise, the house isn’t level! Surprise, an opossum is living in your attic and it smells like he died! Staying on top of your home’s many unexpected issues and covering the costs of them can not only be stressful but costly, as well. But there are ways to cut those costs with a little diligence and maintenance (which is less effective than fixing something that has already broken). It’ll take some awareness, planning, diligence and elbow grease but it’s cheaper than the alternative. Let’s talk about how to stop your house from becoming a money pit.
Sure Money Pit was a funny movie but no one actually wants to live that life. So if you feel like your home has become a huge financial drain on your family, now is the time to do something about it. Below are tips and ideas to help you to start making small positive changes that will save you money.
How to stop your house from becoming a money pit
Clean Everything Regularly
One of the first and most important things you can do with your home is make sure that it’s kept properly clean and in good shape at all times. By doing the basic things like this, you can make sure that no bigger issues arise later on because that’s not what anyone wants. When you clean the home inside and out on a regular basis, you can make things like mold issues less likely. It’ll help avoid problems later. I’m not saying anything crazy like dusting every week, making the bed daily or even putting away that folded laundry, I’m saying basic upkeep so you’ll notice when things aren’t right.
Create a Savings Fund for Home Maintenance
The fat is not lost on me that this is easier said than done. But if you want to make sure that you don’t get hit financially upside the head by the cost of looking after your home, creating a savings account that allows you to cover those costs without having to forgo eating and obliterating your finances in the meantime. Putting just a little money aside each month that can go towards maintaining your home and making sure all of those costs are covered is a good idea. And any savings that aren’t used can be put to use when a bigger repair needs to be made in the future or a family vacation.
Get an Energy Audit
Getting an energy audit carried out by a professional is a good idea if you want to reduce the running costs of your home. From day to day, we all use energy in the home. And it makes sense to use less of it, both from a green and eco-friendly point of view, and a money saving point of view. When you have an energy audit carried out, you’ll get to see how and where you’re currently wasting energy and what kinds of changes you can make in order to improve things.
Ensure the Ground Slopes Away from the Home
One of the problems that many homeowners face relates to water and how it impacts the foundations of the home. If you have lots of standing water around the home, that’s not going to be good for you. Make sure that the ground around your property slopes away from the house. By doing that, you can make sure that any rainwater flows away from your home and not towards it. It might sound like a small thing but it’s massively important especially if you got a “great deal” in a flood zone.
Inspect the Roof Every 6 Months
Inspecting the roof is something that you should try to do at least once every 6 months or so. You never know when a problem might arise, and when it does, you want to get it checked out as soon as possible. The truth is lots of roof problems go unnoticed for a long time, and when they are finally noticed, it costs a lot of money to get them fixed. So be sure to consider that and think about having your home’s roof inspected at least a couple of times a year.
Put a Home Warranty in Place
Putting as many measures in place as possible to ensure that home repairs don’t end up costing you a fortune is a good idea. And that’s one of the key reasons why you should think about putting a home warranty in place if you haven’t done so already. This will mean that if you do suffer any issues in your home, some of the costs will be covered for you by the warranty. It’s the kind of security measure that you definitely need to have in place if you want to avoid big financial impacts in the event of something going wrong.
Create a Maintenance Schedule
Having a regular maintenance schedule in place is something that can help a lot when it comes to taking care of all the things that need to be taken care of regarding your home. It’s so easy to overlook or forget about certain things when you don’t have a schedule in place that you can follow and fall back on. That schedule can be followed week after week, month after month, ensuring your home stays in the best condition possible.
Make Sure the Carry Water Away from Your Home
We’ve already talked a bit about the impact water can have on your home and its integrity. If you want to go further in making sure that standing water around the base of your home doesn’t become a big problem for you, you should think about the role your gutters might play in that. If the gutters are dumping water next to your home, you have a problem. Ensuring the drainage system is doing everything it should do and that water is being carried away from the home safely is going to be key.
Replace Heating and Cooling Filters Every Few Months
Your heating and cooling system is something you won’t want to overlook when it comes to avoiding financial disasters. When something goes wrong with it, it can be very expensive to fix. That’s why you should take extra care to maintain the system well and have someone look at it for you regularly if you’re not sure how to do it yourself. One of the most important things you can do is replace the filters every few months, or even monthly if you want to be extra cautious.
Fix Gaps and Damage to the Home’s Exterior Right Away
If you notice any gaps in the exterior of your home or holes that simply shouldn’t be there, it’s a good idea to have these filled and fixed right away. Any damage to the exterior should be dealt with sooner rather than later and that’s something that you can take care of yourself in most cases. The first task, however, is to check the exterior on a regular basis and make sure that you’re noticing these issues sooner rather than later.
Install Stronger Locks on Doors and Windows
Installing the strongest possible locks on the doors and windows of your property is another thing that you might want to consider. If you don’t do this, you’ll always run the risk of these entry points causing you security problems. Stronger locks and doors will avoid damage being done via a break-in and, most importantly, avoid the break-in from happening in the first place. So that’s definitely something to think about.
As you can see, there are lots of things you can do to stop your home feeling like such a financial burden for your family, so be sure to make the most of each of the tips and ideas discussed above. By making the right changes in the right areas, there’s no reason why you can’t save yourself a lot of money.
2021/10/21
Habits of Highly Productive People that Anyone Can Do
Estimated reading time: 4 minutes
Ever wonder why some people can accomplish so much in just a day and you can’t seem to? Or maybe you’ve got a super-efficient friend that takes out a to-do list like a boss. No matter what the case, you too can be more productive with just a few new habits. It’s easy to change with a few new habits of highly productive people
Still wondering how they do it? Are they superhuman? No. Are they organized? Yes.
Everyone I know is looking to be more productive. In their work, their home life, with their hobbies and in general. I thought for sure when the pandemic quarantine happened I would get so much done but I didn’t. In reality, I got exhausted just from the anxiety and worries about everything that could have happened. My daily productivity slowed to a halt.
Making lists and promises to yourself isn’t actually going to make us any more productive, if it did everything on our to-do lists would be done. Instead, you need to take action.
Build systems that enable you to work smarter, not harder.
Here are some easy to follow habits of highly productive people.
The Don’t- do list
Adding too much to your to-do list is asking for trouble. To be productive, you should do what is required of you without overloading yourself. Shorter to-do lists are not only beneficial in terms of getting everything done, but they have a bigger mental benefit.
When you check something off your to-do list, you get a boost of achievement and happiness.
The more you tick off the list, the most you want to do.
Focus on you
Tired people who aren’t feeling great will need to make some changes. Taking care of themselves first thing in the morning is essential.
If you wake up, check your email, and get a sense of dread, you are starting off on the wrong foot.
Instead, when you wake up, focus on just waking up in the best way possible.
A good breakfast – either healthy or something you enjoy – preferably both. Take time to read the news or a newspaper. Perhaps you can listen to it on the radio. It’s about what makes you feel good.
Giving yourself time to wake up without worrying about everything you have to do, gives you a bit of peace.
Take breaks
Tired people cannot produce the same amount of high-quality work as people who are refreshed and energized.
Taking regular breaks in your working day is essential to give yourself time to think and concentrate on something else for a while.
Going for a walk, stretching, having some lunch, and of course, drinking some water will make all the difference.
For every 20-30 minutes you work, step away for between 3-5 minutes, and every 1-2 hours, have a more extended break of about 20 minutes.
This is the Pomodoro method, and you can have a timer that can help you stay on track. The Pomodoro method is perfect for keeping you focused for short periods.
Since we respond to deadlines, it enables us to work faster and more efficiently.
Sometimes what we really need is a hard reset. Read more: 5 Tips for a self-reset break to make your life easier.
Eat the frog
Whatever the task is that you don’t want to do – do that first. The tasks that we put off can often hold us back. We keep thinking about them until we manage to get them done.
The most challenging work can feel much more overwhelming than it is; once it is done, you might wonder why you hadn’t done it before.
When you complete this task, you are free to move on to more enjoyable work.
It is typically the type of job that leads us to avoid doing anything by procrastinating. If that sounds like you then, you need to read more into learning how to stop procrastinating!
Say No
The key to getting everything you need to get done, done? Not accepting things that get in the way of you completing it. If you have friends and family or co-workers that ask more from you than you have the time or energy for, then say no.
While helping others makes us feel great, we need to learn that sometimes we should come first. Saying no to things that require too much of us is entirely okay. So say no more often.
Multi-tasking
Trying to do five things at once means you are trying to stretch your mental and other capacities to their limit.
Focusing on one task at a time is the only way to complete tasks to the best of your ability.
When we switch between tasks, we can lose up to 23 minutes of focused work time. That can have a significant impact on how much we can get done.
A significant impact on productivity.
Getting your best work done is about organizing what you need to get done in the most benefits you.
2021/09/13
Tips to Get Past Your Fear of Needles
This post is made possible with support from the Meg Foundation. All opinions and tips to get past your fear of needles today are my own.
There’s a lot going on in the world. It’s been a crazy year. None of us ever imagined we’d live through a global pandemic in our lifetime. The biggest concern for most of us before 2020 was a laundry list of first-world problems. Life in 2019 could be hard, but not 2020 pandemic hard. Suddenly, for most of us, nothing made sense, and when that happened, the unknown brought with it new stresses and anxieties.
Right now, the only answer to stopping the pandemic is herd immunity. That term kind of makes me want to moo, right? All kidding aside, I’m thrilled that science has given us a way to save ourselves and those we love, but getting vaccinated brings with it a new set of anxieties and stresses for some.
The fear of needles is real and nothing to be afraid of.
Don’t like shots? The thought of a needle freaks you out? You’re not alone. 25% of adults have a fear of needles. Don’t be embarrassed. I got so many shots as a kid with chronic health issues that I get sweaty palms just thinking about it even now. I worked through my fear of needles by making a plan and moving through my fears. Please don’t let needle anxiety stop you from being safe from Covid-19.
The Meg Foundation has resources to help you get through needle fears. Everyone can benefit from learning these techniques, but for people with needle anxiety, the techniques are life-changing. The first thing is to make a plan because action is the enemy of anxiety; the more concrete the plan the better you will feel.
Here are a few simple tips from Hack the Vax to get past your fear and get vaccinated.
Be an advocate for yourself
If you are nervous about getting your vaccine, don’t be afraid to say so. Lots of people have a fear of needles. Those administering the shots are aware of this. Letting people know what you need is the only way they will know (this goes for everything in life, not just vaccinations). You’re not being difficult, you’re advocating for yourself. You are a self-aware bad B. People don’t mind giving you what you need but you’re going to have to tell them.
Block the pain
Getting vaccinated doesn’t have to be painful. Over-the-counter anesthetics like Lidocaine cream are great for a little pre-vaccination numbing at the injection site. To be honest, when I was vaccinated recently ( both times) I didn’t feel a thing. I usually get the flu shot every year and I do feel that but with the Pfizer vaccine, I honestly felt no pain or even the standard pinch when a shot is injected.
Take deep breaths
You probably remember the power of breathing techniques from giving birth. I never put much stock into breathing techniques, until I experienced a unmedicated, Pitocin induced birth. That made me a believer and anyone who has used it, knows it works. Don’t overthink it. Just take a few slow, deep breaths before and during the injection. Using a meditation app for a minute before also helps me in stressful situations to just slow down and get through the moment.
Distract yourself
If you want to rely on something more than just deep breaths to get you through, focus on something that makes you feel happy or relaxed. To clear my head, I always listen to music. However, watching kittens on YouTube or just scroll through your social media feeds is enough to take your mind off the task at hand…or arm, I should say. I’ve done this a lot with my girls throughout their childhood. Distraction is a great way to refocus those overwhelming feeling of stress and anxiety that needles might bring. For me, when I am stressed, I talk, so I chatted with all the other people getting vaccinated.
Bring a support person
Phone a friend or family member and either bring them with you physically ( schedule your vaccinations together) or Facetime them during your vaccination appointment. Maybe it feels a bit awkward as an adult to be virtually hanging out with a friend in a room full of people but if it relaxes you enough to not feel as overwhelmed, it is totally worth a few minutes of talking to your phone in a room full of strangers. A bestie, spouse or sibling is a great support person for getting out of your head and engrossed in conversation. The Big Guy and I got both vaccinations together, sitting side by side.
The Big Guy and I got both of our vaccinations, and even though there was trepidation about getting the shot, I’m so glad that I did it. Getting everyone vaccinated is a step towards keeping the whole country safe and being able to hug our loved ones once again. Making a plan and working through your fears of needles to get vaccinated not only keeps you safe, in my eyes, but it also makes you a superhero because not only are you protecting yourself from getting coronavirus, you are protecting everyone you know and love. You are part of the solution to this devastating problem that is ravaging the world with no discrimination, rhyme, or reason.
Don’t let your fear stand between you and your safety. Think, plan, and go get your shot and pass on these techniques because you never know when someone else is feeling nervous, too.
2021/04/28
I Risked My Life to Vote in Person because I Believe in Democracy
Originally, I said I was going to mail in my ballot. I’m a diabetic. That makes contracting CoVid a potentially larger threat for me. I’m not willing to be the guinea pig to test the theory. I know people who’ve died because of it. I don’t need to test the theory any further.
Common sense told me to vote by mail. Of course, in my red state, you have to have a listed qualifying reason not to vote in person. Having an underlying condition during a pandemic is not one of the options. Still, I was going to fill it out and send it in.
Then, our president started promoting conspiracy theories about how ballots will be lost and voter fraud will run rampant and while I know it was meant as a dig at democrats, that democrats were going to interfere in the election. I, as a Democrat, didn’t get that memo, more importantly, I know the real culprit is the tiny man afraid to relinquish his power. Did someone order a Cheeto flavored Napoleon? Anyways I found it all quite entertaining coming from someone suspected of partnering with the Russians to interfere in our last election. But, that’s the past and neither here nor there. But, if anyone knows about voter fraud and interference, I guess it would be Trump.
Anyways, I went against logic and common sense and risked my life to go vote in person because I can’t risk my vote not counting. Our country is in great danger of permanent and irreversible damage right now under this administration of inexperience and absolutely corrupted by power president who is letting his ego drive his every decision.
I have been completely disillusioned and disappointed with the American government and our election process since the 2016 election. This is not sour grapes. This is not liking the man as a person, though lack of morals, ethics and common human decency has left me wanting in a commander in chief. My degree is in Political Science, history, sociology and criminology with a focus on law and I have a better comprehension than most about what this presidency really means long term. My friends, we are living through the destruction of democracy and if this continues, life as we know it will be irrevocably damaged. The country you love will no longer exist.
All this to say, I was uncomfortable going to vote in person. I felt vulnerable and exposed, as cases are spiking everywhere and we are heading into cold/flu season, but this election is so important to the future of our country and our children that there was no way that I wasn’t going to cast my vote.
Since this pandemic has begun, I’ve had to cancel my daughter’s quinceañera..twice. I’ve hugged my mom once. I haven’t hugged my dad since March 14^th. I’ve only met my youngest sister’s new baby, once since he was born in April. I missed my middle sister’s intimate wedding celebration yesterday. I’ve seen my oldest brother, twice. I’ve seen my other 2 brothers who live about 5 minutes away twice since March. I haven’t hugged or seen my friends since last spring. All this because the pandemic is a real threat and I can’t trust the general population to wear their masks and follow the rules to protect all of us. Instead of enduring a minor inconvenience (masks) that none of us particularly like for the greater good, these selfish individuals do as they like putting the rest of us at risk.
Instead of all of us hiding in our homes to stay safe, why not make the rule followers unwelcome in public? Why should those of us following the rules feel afraid and in danger every time we leave the house due to a few people’s selfishness and inability to follow the rules.
If you’re wearing your mask and following the rules, this next little bit is not for you, look away now.
Ok, if you are still reading this immediate next paragraph, I can only assume that you fall into the rule-breaking group. You’re not going to like what I have to say on this subject. You’ve been warned.
Hey, you, yes you not wearing your mask, you’re a fucking selfish piece of garbage. It is not “your right” to not wear a mask. That is written nowhere in the Constitution. Your wants are not more important than the rest of our safety and health. You’re not fucking special. Put your fucking mask on. Maybe you should feel afraid that someone’s going to punch you in the throat when they see you using that facemask as a chin warmer. You feel threatened and at risk for a while. P.S. if you pull your mask down again to cough, expect to get punched in the face. You make me sick.
Back to our normally scheduled blog post.
What I’m saying is I risked my life voting in person because it is THAT important this year. If you don’t believe me just ask the 223, 000 Americans who’ve died from Coronavirus in the United States or the 8.14 Americans who’ve contracted it. They didn’t deserve to have their lives cut short because of another person’s inability to care for anyone beyond themselves.
I implore you to get out and vote. Know the facts about both candidates.
Visit JoeBiden.Com and know Joe’s vision.
2020/10/22
How to Upcycle your Maternity Clothes After Pregnancy
Having a baby changes everything. Anyone who tells you otherwise is a liar. The one thing it changes forever is your body. Even if you get back to the size you were pre-baby, you are changed. But who am I telling? If you’re a mom, you already know this. However, no need to stress out. Just a little change of perspective, some patience and self-love, and everything is back on track. Figuring out what to do about your maternity clothes after pregnancy can be a challenge, your body is still changing but a mom still wants to look and feel stylish. Start with upcycling your way of thinking. (more…)
2020/02/15
How to be the Woman You Were Before you Became Mom
Once you have children, “mom” is your name, taking care of little people is your game. You stop being known as the person you used to be, and you start being known as the mom, mommy, mama to your little one. If you’re like me, you’ll probably even refer to yourself as such. I’ve been Bella and Gabi’s mom for so long, I’m pretty sure that some of their friends actually think my name is BellaAnGabi. But, I’m still in here rediscovering myself before motherhood. Like you, trying to figure out how to be the woman you were before you became mom.
READ ALSO: The Beauty of Motherhood
Being a mom is all-consuming and it’s very easy to lose yourself in that one thing you become and even easier to forget who you were before that. Soon, all of the likes and dislikes you used to have seemed to fade away and your life revolves around your children. For example, I loved strawberry ice cream and then my children didn’t so I didn’t buy strawberry ice cream for 13 years until one day, I took that power back. What I like matters too. It’s such a simple thing but I get to matter. With all the concessions of motherhood, the biggest is the total loss of a time in your life and that usually means sacrificing your youth.
I’m just a mom like you, trying to figure out how to be the woman you were before you became mom.
The life you had before becoming a mom and how young you used to feel is fading from all of the responsibility of your new role. You’ll think about all of the things that you used to say and do, and how different the things that you say and do are now. You’re not any less of a person, you’re just not the same person at all. You can’t be. In fact, the moms I know are some of the best people I know.
READ MORE: The TRUTH about Motherhood that No One will Tell You
The resourcefulness and resilience that you build as a mother is unfathomable, and for me, my life feels like it has a higher purpose; one greater than myself. But, that’s not to say that you shouldn’t think of the ways to get your groove back and rediscover who you are as a person. You deserve to exist autonomous from your kids and spouse. I want to show you some of the ways you can do just that and feel more like you again or at least the new hybrid wonder woman that you have become.
Rediscover Your Passions
You will have grown up having some sort of passion in life. For me, I loved writing, dancing and being active. Even if your passion was just going out and having fun every weekend, you were passionate about something. Hey, I was pretty passionate about my weekends before becoming a mom. Sure for most people, their passions stem a bit deeper than being able to have a cocktail on the weekend. Maybe you were into a sport, fashion, music, or art. For some reason, that all seems to fade into the background when you become a mom, or at least for those first few years.
READ MORE: My TRUTH about Motherhood
Your passion becomes your child, and that’s never going to go away. But you’re allowed to be able to have something else to focus on, on the side. It doesn’t make you’re a bad person to want to do things you like just for you. It’s what makes you, you, and nobody can take that away from you. You’re better for your family if you take care of yourself too. Do something just for you. Start small, take a hot bath or read a book before bedtime because you used to enjoy spa days and reading for leisure. Once you start doing something just for you, you’ll start to reconnect with yourself and find joy in things that you forgot you used to enjoy.
Invest Some Time In What Makes You Feel Beautiful
I think all moms fall prey to this affliction at one point or another in their tenure as a mom. Sometime between pregnancy, middle of the night cluster feedings, running to make sure toddlers don’t fall when learning to walk and the teen years, messy buns, yoga pants and a t-shirt with some kind of tiny human’s bodily fluid on it becomes our mom uniform. It’s not because we moms fundamentally dislike fashion and style, it’s because our priorities changed and it just felt like keeping the baby alive was more important than what label we wore or how often we could get to dry bar. I’m here to tell you we need some of that investment in our appearance to help us feel confident.
READ ALSO: Sneaking away for Me Time
There were years where I felt like a ghost walking through my life because I had let myself go so far that I tried to convince myself that I didn’t care but I did. It wore on me. My daughters always looked amazing but I looked like the nanny Cinderella.
Let’s start with fashion, because who can deny that a cute outfit makes a mama feel empowered. You can reinvent yourself. Check out the latest styles and see feels like it fits. Scroll through Instagram and see what the cute mom influencers are wearing or check out Pinterest to discover what the latest trends are.
Try shopping at places that you wouldn’t usually shop at to get inspiration for style. Even if the style is hip athleisure wear, just a small change can change your entire perspective, mood and the way you carry yourself.
You can see more GCDS here, which is a clothing brand from Milan that you might not have ever heard about before, selling styles you’ve probably not tried in years. Also, if I can sneak in a quick face mask after the girls go to bed or some moisturizer, mascara and tinted chapstick in the morning, it makes me feel less out of sorts when I’m out in the general population. And I don’t care what anyone says, a cute messy bun is always in fashion.
Be Spontaneous
I know the thought of spontaneity is practically laughable as a mom but sometimes we need to shake things up to shake our true selves awake. I mean our mom side has been in full-on high-gear for years now. It needs to be reminded that there is a sexy, creative, intelligent, fierce and beautiful woman right beneath the service that needs the day off from mom duty to get her groove back.
As moms, our lives are on a schedule. We exist to cross things off the list. We always have to be prepared and responsible for everyone but being spontaneous can be invigorating. Try an impromptu coffee, Zumba or brunch date with a girlfriend while the kids are at school. Those dishes and laundry can wait a few hours. Don’t even bother with that mom guilt. Mom guilt and worry are two useless emotions. As a mom, it’s easy to forget where our children end and we begin and whenever we try to do anything for ourselves, it feels unnatural but that’s just because we haven’t done it in a while. Repeat after me, you’re not a bad mom for existing outside of your children’s per view. Try to have a girl’s night or date night at least once a month. Just make it happen, even if it’s just for a couple hours. You need to feel empowered and confident as a woman to be a strong example of joy and fulfillment for your children. Do you want them to see you looking miserable as their mother? No, go get your groove back girl.
What do you do for yourself ( just you) that makes you feel good about who you are? What are your tips for how to be the woman you were before you became a mom?
2020/02/07