The TRUTH About Motherhood

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Featured Guest blogger: The Alabaster Cow herself, ERICKA!

Have you read the Alabaster cow? If not you are really missing out. Ericka at the Alabaster Cow is an amazingly, witty honest writer who will emphatically make you laugh, cry and shake your head in agreement. Now get over there and visit her while you can, she is on the precipice of writing greatness. Keep a look out, soon there will be upcoming novels!

Baby Poop, JTT, and a Monkey
I spent all day today covered in poop.
That’s the typical story isn’t it? The no shower, stink to high heaven, realize you stepped in Chihuahua shit an hour too late scenario that seems to stick to our motherly asses like chewed gum on a subway seat.
Or is it just me?
I only want one child. Does the fact that I didn’t realize I had my daughter’s feces smeared on my shirt and my shorts until three in the afternoon somehow justify this? Certainly. Is there more to the story? You bet your backside there is.
This life isn’t the one I had carved out for myself when I was younger. I had spent countless minutes whittling away at my potential future until it took the shape and form of the following:
·Publish my first novel by sixteen (I was of course willing to publish sooner but I reasoned I’d be able to handle the pressure at a more mature age. By which I mean sixteen).
·Gain the attraction of both Prince William and Jonathan Taylor Thomas which shouldn’t be too hard considering I was pretty sure I’d turn into a sixteen-year-old babe. This must have been the major clue that I was destined for a life of absolute beauty:

·Make a major decision and decide if I’d rather spend my life with JTT or Prince William. This one is obviously a head scratcher, folks.
·Publish consecutive novels and travel across the world for book signings and lectures.
·Buy a monkey.
As time went on I eventually nixed the monkey plan (I decided with all that money and fame that TWO monkeys would suit me that much better) and added the part about me obtaining my MFA, going on and securing my PhD under my belt and of course teach and write and maybe break into acting. It’s the natural progression of things, no?
But instead of lounging in the back of my limo, popping a bottle of bubbly with JTT (I’m Catholic so even though my forbidden love affair with the prince would be tres romantic, I’m afraid it would have been too much work and I’m too damn lazy and famous and rich for that), I spent the day covered in baby poop.
I love my daughter. There are tightly wound fibers in my heart that would deaden and drift away if I didn’t have that little lady in my life. But I only want that little lady and no other munchkins. Maybe it’s because my blood still contains my writerly ambitions. Maybe it’s because I have yet another novel manuscript bouncing around in my head. All I know is that I’m going to be an author one of these days. Not just for me, but for her.
People say I’m only dreaming. That one day I’ll get over my “one and done” philosophy and the whole writer schtick and that’ll I’ll want my own little Duggar clan. But that’s the thing: if I’m dreaming then this time the dream will stick.
Or else I’ll buy a monkey.
What a great point Ericka makes with this piece! We all need to hold on to our dreams so that we can be better parents to our children. We are the example that they base their lives on and if we lead lackluster lives covered in shit while watching life pass us by, what kind of an example will we be? Never let go of your dreams! You may have to change them up a little, postpone them for a little while, or even take an entirely different route to get to them ( the scenic route) but don’t let go of your dreams. I firmly believe that where there is a will, there is always a way. Even if you have to write that first novel during stolen moments in the middle of the night or while sitting there covered in a baby’s bodily fluid, don’t give up. The only way we certainly don’t achieve our goals is by not trying or giving up.
Thank you for the reminder
href=”https://alabastercow.com/”>ERICKA! We all had our dreams, and then we had our babies, Now, lets have our cake and eat it too!
Now, Please go visit ERICKA at the ALABASTER COW! You will thank me later! And follow this talented, humorous writer who shares her life and perspective with us in a very entertaining fashion.
I had the pleasure of guest posting at the ALABASTER COW today so please go there and check out my post for today!Happy Mothering!
2010/07/20
A Year Ago Today, the Loss of the Unimaginable
May 1st is the anniversary of what has so far been the worst day of my life; the day that I lost my third baby. I feel so many emotions. I am overwhelmed and consumed, swallowed by inescapable grief. There is a feeling of finality that I was not prepared to feel. I don’t want to feel this; not today of all days. (more…)
2013/05/01
Swimsuit Shopping Makes me Cry, Shoes Make Me Happy
The following post is sponsored by Mamavation on behalf of Earth Footwear. #EarthFootwear
It is almost May, so you know what that means? Cute Sandal and cry inducing bathing suit season are in full swing, right now! Honestly, I have been crying in dressing rooms since about mid-February. So to balance out the sheer horror of bathing suit shopping, I reward myself every year with leisurely strolls through the shoe stores perusing sandals. I linger through the aisles, gingerly slipping a variety of sandals on and off ; one by one; loving each pair more than the last. Shoe shopping for me is the complete opposite of bathing suit shopping. It always has been. Swimsuit shopping makes me sob like I lost my best friend ( my abs) and shoes just make me happy.
Feeling down, no problem, head to your nearest shoe store and spend an hour or two trying on shoes. I’m not kidding a cute pair of shoes makes the world feel more beautiful. In my twenties, I even took a job managing a shoe store, just for the discount. Shhh, don’t tell me husband. At one point, I had 300 pairs of shoes. Who was I? Imelda Marcos? It was sort of like letting a crackhead be a drug dealer. I absorbed a great deal of my own product. In the end, I had to quit but my love for shoes remains; as does my hatred for bathing suits.
I am an equal opportunity shoe lover. I love everything from flip-flops to Louboutins. If I can put it on my foot and wear it, I can find an outfit and occasion to make it work. Well, with the exception of those new trendy Minotaur hoof heels. I’d prefer to pass on those. I was a vegetarian for 10 years and the idea of sticking an animal’s “actual” hoof on my foot for fashion, is just too distasteful to imagine. The point is shoes have never made me cry, unless you count that one pair of 5-inch-heels I wore all over downtown Chicago fro my birthday. Bad idea.
The point is shoes soothe my soul, like chocolate and good wine or a really good bag. So when I was asked to review a pair of Earth Footwear’s Camarra sandals, I have to admit, I was pretty excited to be trying new shoes. You see, Earth Footwear is known for being comfortable. Which, let’s face it, if you are going to be on spring break walking around Disney World all day is a definite plus.
The comfort is all in the contoured arch-support that works to keep you comfortable all day long. Have you ever tried walking long distances in those super flat Grecian style sandals? I have. They are gorgeous and I own a couple pair, but they are terrible for long walks. By the time you finish your walk, it feels like someone to a baseball bat to the bottoms of your feet but don’t hurt at all if you only wear them for shorts amounts of time. Keep the flat sandals for day trips to the mall.
The Camarras, however, are very comfortable and stylish. Contrasting textures and pops of shimmer combine with gracefully arching lines to create a strappy sandal that feels great all day. So often it feels like you have to sacrifice one for the other. I mean. Come one, you don’ see ant collaborations between Dr. Scholl’s and Louboutin, do you? I really like my Camarras because they are made of quality leather so they look nice and contemporary and the wedge is only an inch and a half, so you can wear it with shorts and jeans or with a cute dress at nighttime. I got the platinum because I feel it’s versatile with my wardrobe but the Camarra also comes in Slate, if you prefer a darker sandal. I love these sandals because they are contemporary sandals made for real women who live in the real world. When’s a pair of 5-inch heels ever done that for you? I need cute and comfortable and I don’t want to sacrifice one for the other. Do you? We shouldn’t have to, right?
The Spring and Summer 2014 Earth collection starts at just $85 and most of the collection is under $100 and each show features a cushioned footbed for all day comfort with a padded heal area to displace shock, a reinforced arch support to stabilize the foot, and multi-density latex cushioning layer for extra support. Which any mom who has ever spent any amount of time in line at Disney World waiting in line to see a princess can tell you that comfort is everything.
If you’d like to be automatically entered into a monthly shoe giveaway, you can sign up for the Earth eNewsletter here.
You can also connect with Earth Footwear on Facebook, Twitter, Instagram and Pinterest to see all their Earth Day Pins; filled with loads of ways to make your family more earth friendly.
What’s your favorite Earth Friendly tip?

2014/04/25
Ogunquit Maine the Perfect Place to have Cake by the Ocean
If you are looking for a place to squeeze in one last family vacation, a long weekend for Labor Day or a romantic getaway this summer, I would recommend Ogunquit, Maine. Believe me, you will not regret it. Summering in Ogunquit is taking a break from the chaos of your life. It’s getting back to basics without being eaten by mosquitos in a tent. It’s not forcing yourself to unplug in a world that’s always dialed in but relaxing just enough to be in the moment so that you forget to plug in.
I am a traveler. I have wanderlust in my heart and I can never learn enough about new places and people. We are raising our daughters to have an insatiable wanderlust. I spent my summers in Mexico as a child. I don’t mean we summered in Mexico. We weren’t holed up at some resort. We were on my grandfather’s ranch in the small town that my dad was raised in. Sure they had a lot of the comforts of home but we weren’t allowed to have them. My dad felt like when in Mexico, do as the Mexicans and he was right. He immersed the shit out of us. If we wanted to understand what our grandfather was saying, even though he did speak some broken English, we damned better well be paying attention.
My dad’s idea was that when he came to America, he learned English. When we went to Mexico, we needed to adapt. This was a lesson that shaped the kind of person I would become. That simple no became the foundation for my tolerance and understanding of cultures and people different than me. Who cares if there was a McDonalds and Kentucky Fried Chicken in the next town over, he said no.
When I was little, I didn’t get it. Why wouldn’t he just let us have the damn cheeseburger? Why did we have to try everything? And believe me when I tell you that we did. I’ve eaten rattlesnake, cactus, tongue and most animals from head to toe because that folks is what you eat in a third world country and your parents give you no options but to immerse completely. And there was no complaining.
Well, there was that one time I tried to complain but my dad shoved a piece of rattlesnake at me (without telling me what it was) and simply said, “Come!” As in, stop asking for cheeseburgers and eat the damn food available to you. You can have McDonald’s the other 11 months of the year. He was not the compromising sort. So, I ate it and I spoke Spanish to my grandpa. There were no concessions made and I learned a very valuable lesson; all cultures are important and the only way to truly appreciate and respect them is to immerse. This is what we teach our girls. This is how we travel. We dare to live open to all possibilities because there within lies our destiny.
This is not just for international trips. When we travel within the country, our girls know that people are different in different regions. People talk differently, think differently, believe and eat differently. Differences are good. We’ve taught them to embrace and respect these differences and from these experiences carve out who they want to be; how they want to live. I don’t want them to be limited by their geographical constitution.
This summer we took a road trip to the East Coast. First a weekend in Ogunquit, Maine and next, 7 days in Boston, Massachusetts. It’s not immersion into a drastically different culture but it is a different state of mind and certainly, a different mentality from the limited experience one normally finds in these fly over states that we live in. If you are a long time reader of The TRUTH, you might remember that we’ve visited both Ogunquit and Boston before. Well, we loved it so much we had to do it again and this time we discovered even more wonderful places.
Let me start by saying that our 15-hour long road trip was saved by my Bracketron phone holder and charger. We use a navigation app on our smartphone so to keep our phones from dying it has to be charging the entire time but then where does that leave me and my iPad. God knows I can’t survive a road trip without access to Netflix and Hulu. Luckily, my phone holder can charge not only one but two devices!
Then there is The Anchorage Inn. We love this place. It is clean, the staff is helpful and friendly and not only is it located on the Marginal way with views of the Atlantic, it is located on the main street of Ogunquit and located in walking distance to absolutely everything of relevance. If you are ever headed to Ogunquit, like so many of my friends now are since I can’t seem to shut up about how amazing it is, it is definitely worth trying to get a reservation to stay at The Anchorage. Just make your reservations early because they book peak season pretty fast.
Places to Eat
Angelinas Ristorante Wine Bar and Tuscan Grille
If you like a nice quiet evening with great food, candlelight, delicious food and superb martinis…Angelinas is your spot. I had the chicken franchese with asparagus and linguini in butter sauce. It was some of the best Italian food, I’ve ever eaten and my exotic martini got me knackered. It’s casual fine dining at affordable prices.
Rose Cove
We ate here our first night there. We were all exhausted and crabby from the all day road trip but the casual atmosphere at Rose Cove was just what the doctor ordered. It’s a small unassuming place and, I won’t lie, we were lured in by the waiter giving out samples of the fudge from their confectionary shop attached to the restaurant. We sat outside under the stars, listening to the singers from the Front Porch piano bar as their voices wafted across the street, and we finally exhaled at our table with the mini fire pit in the middle. Nothing says beach holiday like a fire pit in the middle of your table, a fresh lobstah roll bigger than your head and an ice cold local beer. We came for the blueberry and the sea salted caramel fudge and we stayed for the lobstah.
Sweet Peas
Our daughters love this place for the menagerie of ever changing flavors that they offer. I love it because the kids who work there have endless patience and always greet you with a smile. My daughters ask to sample no less than 4 flavors every single time we go in there and these youngsters have nothing but great attitudes and sunny dispositions to share. We go there every chance we get. It’s the perfect afternoon snack after a day at the beach. Some of our favorite flavors are Maine Black Bear, Coconut chip with Almond Joy, Coffee Toffee with Heath Bar and Phantomberry.
Café Amore
I’ve got one word for you BREAKFAST! Oh my, this place specializes in breakfast. Firstly, again, beach towns have the friendliest staffs I’ve ever met. Everyone is always smiling and seem genuinely happy to be there. No one seems put out or annoyed when you ask a question about the menu. This time we sampled the lemon and blueberry cream cheese stuffed French toast, the Belgium waffle with strawberries and the Corned beef eggs benedict. I personally, sampled off everyone’s plate and can tell you that it was all scrumptious.
Bread and Roses Bakery

It has become our tradition to stop at this shop on the last night we are in town and load up on all the confectionary goodness and pastries we can walk back to our room at The Anchorage. The Big Guy had a praline and pecan bar, the girls had tiny mugs made of chocolate and filled with chocolate mousse and I had a chocolate cake layered with whipped peanut butter mousse. And oh yes, I did have my cake by the ocean. It was more decadent than should probably be legally allowed for people over the age of 30. My shorts fit a little tighter that day but it was worth every single calorie.
Things to Do in Ogunquit Maine
Ogunquit Beach
When we go to Ogunquit we have one mission in mind and that is to beach. If you’ve never been to an East coast beach town, you may have no idea what the hell I am talking about. Remember the immersion I was talking about earlier? Well, being in Ogunquit is simple. You just let go. There is no planning. You just take a deep breath, walk outside and live and it is glorious. It is perfect for our family because we are always over booked. We need Ogunquit to decompress and get back to normal. Ogunquit pulls my family back off of the ledge where we reside on a daily basis. It’s that good.
We truly spend most of our time at Ogunquit beach. It’s a 5-minute walk from The Anchorage and our girls love to play in the ocean; swimming, boogie boarding, body surfing and building sand castles. Thank goodness for the Snapper Rock swimwear, beach pants and most of all the neoprene wetsuit jacket and vest because the water was freezing in June. Thanks to these cute and durable pieces are girls were able to frolic in the surf without their lips turning blue.
Perkin’s Cove
Perkin’s Cove is a short 15-minute walk down the Marginal Way in the opposite way of the beach. It is a quaint little harbor full of small sailboats surrounded by restaurants that serve lobster rolls of all varieties and offer stunning views at sunset. It’s also one of our girls favorite places to stroll after dinner bobbing in and out of shop after shop searching for just the right souvenirs and trinkets to commemorate each trip. If you are in Ogunquit, you have to walk to Perkins cove and look around.
The Front Porch
The Front Porch is a restaurant located at the busiest corner of Main street that has great food downstairs and a wonderful piano bar upstairs. Children are allowed downstairs but not upstairs. Upstairs is where the magic happens. You can hear the gleeful singing ringing out into the streets as everyone joins in singing along. It is the place to go in Ogunquit for a good time on your beach vacation.
If you are still looking for the perfect place to have your cake by the ocean this Labor Day, my recommendation is Ogunquit, Maine.
2016/08/15
Count your blessings
So, I always like to encourage people to count their blessings instead of their problems; You’ll be much happier and have a lot more free time! That being said, seems of late I’ve been a really bitchy a**hole about all things and everything, especially my girls. Maybe its been the lack of sleep, the week day single mothering thing, missing my husband, needing some nookie, stress…who knows what the answer may be. All I know is this is not who I am, but it seems its who I’ve become. Temporarily anyways. I’m working through it and feeling my feelings. It’s come to my attention that I’ve been spending a lot of time on here complaining about my children. Boo on me for that.
The reason I am saying boo on me is because I recently, last night when I couldn’t sleep, was checking out some blogs on last weeks FF and I came across one that really touched my heart. The name of the blog is Viva la Vida and I read her “Our Story” and it really reminded me of how truly blessed I really am. This woman and her husband, after being told it was medically impossible, became pregnant. There were complications and she had such a raging case of Hyperemesis Gravidarium that she had to be intravenously fed daily. She couldn’t even keep water down. Because of the condition, the doctor had her get weekly ultrasounds to check on the baby’s well being. As messed up as all this was, she got to see her precious baby grow in utero.Her and her husband were so excited to meet this baby.They had waited so long for their miracle and had held off on knowing the sex. Before her week 24 appointment, they decided to throw caution to the wind and find out the sex of the baby. The night before her appointment, she started feeling extremely sick and constipated. By the following day, their lives had changed forever. (Please go to her blog if you want the entire story. It is not my story to tell and I can not do it the justice it deserves.) The baby they had watched grow for 24 weeks and had grown to love so much passed away, without warning and without a chance to say goodbye…or even a brief hello.
Her story touched my heart and made me realize how grateful I am that my babies are with me. That I can touch them, hold them, kiss them, cuddle them, see their faces every morning and watch them sleep. I can watch them grow and get to know them with each passing day. It made me realize how lucky I am that they are here with me to aggravate and annoy me, at times, because being made crazy by them beats being sane without them…any day of the week. She is a brave woman to share her story. I was moved to tears when I read her story. I hope one day she will get to hold her baby boy in her arms again, in heaven.
I get so caught up in the day to day craziness that is my life that sometimes I forget that “THIS” is everything I ever wanted! My girls are absolutely amazing. They blow my mind with their wit and beauty on a daily basis. Their souls and their intelligence beat that of any grown person,I’ve ever known. I know women who have lost children before they were born, were still born at full term, who have lost infants, young children, and teenagers and it never seems to get easier or less painful when a Mother loses her children. The void that is left by the loss of a child is one I hope to NEVER know. So I am going to cherish my girls with all I have got for as long as I can,and if you hear me complain again from time to time….forgive me! I’m only human!
2010/04/22
Cool Things to Do at Disney World with Kids
We all know that Disney World is a magical place filled with fairy dust and fueled on the laughter and happiness of children. It happens to be one of our favorite places, and when I say our, I mean my husband and I.
For some reason, it seems like since we had children we just haven’t had the time or money to go. Nonetheless, we love Disney and our girls desperately want to go.
We are actually planning on surprising them with a couple days in Disney World in June, as a side trip on a surprise visit to Orlando. I plan on filming them when we tell them. Stay tuned. I am pretty sure that my 7-year-old might just faint on the spot and my 4-year-old, I am fairly positive that she will do a happy dance along with some woohoo! followed by some, ” You’re the best mommy I ever had!” I can’t wait.
But it made me think, with only two days to blow my little girls’ minds, I better figure out what the coolest things to do at Disney World with little kids actually is.
- The Magic Kingdom and the Main Street electrical parade and fireworks
- Explore Cinderella’s castle
- Meet the Princesses and get their autographs
- Go see Cirque du Soleil
- Take a Ride on a Fringe-Topped Surrey, family style
- Sushi and Karaoke at the Swan and Dolphin
- Go to the Sci-Fi Dine-in Theater at MGM
- Pirates of the Caribbean
- It’s a Small World
- Mad Tea Party
I am sure there are loads more that I am forgetting, but for right now, these are on my list.
What do you recommend as a must see at Disney World for a 4 and 7 year old?
2013/03/22
Dangerous Things You Probably Shouldn’t Let Your Children Do
Estimated reading time: 3 minutes
As a mom, you want to do everything you can to protect your children, but sometimes, it’s not obvious that the thing they want to do could have some hidden risks and actually be harmful to their health and wellbeing. You know they shouldn’t play with matches or miss their shots, but there are less obvious dangers that you might miss.
With that in mind, let’s take a look at some dangerous things you should probably not let your children do that you might not even be aware of:
Play music loudly
There is obviously nothing wrong with letting your kids enjoy music, but if they are using earbuds, then you should make sure that they keep the volume on the lower side to avoid potential ear loss. You can also p rotect the hearing of small children by wearing ear defenders if they plan on attending concerts with loud music. The whole family can still have fun, but in such a way that it will not be detrimental to their hearing.
Don’t let them play with dangerous toys
You could be forgiven for thinking any toy you buy at the store is totally safe for your child but that is not necessarily the case. Many toys contain small parts like button batteries and safety pins, which can be really dangerous if they come off and your child eats them, so as a parent, you should always check out the safety credentials of toys before you give them to your kids.
Don’t keep them out of the dirt
Okay, so this is not really dangerous so much as counterintuitive. If you try to keep your child pristine at all times, it could actually be bad for their health. Kids need exposure to a little dust and dirt to help them build strong immune systems, so although you should not let them play unsupervised in dirty areas, letting them get a bit muddy in the yard now and again is fine, and may actually help them.
Do not spoil them
It may seem harmless enough to give your kids everything they want when they are young, but I certainly did. But it could be causing mental health problems for them in the future when they do not get everything they want.
Kids who are spoiled find it harder to make friends, harder to deal with rejection and more difficult to be resilient, which can lead to anxiety and depression as they get older and realize that not everyone will spoil them as much as you do.
Don’t let them have secrets
It might seem harmless enough to encourage your kids to keep it secret that you ate cookies for lunch or whatever, but you need to bear in mind that some secrets are actually pretty dangerous and by encouraging them to keep a harmless one, you might make it easier for predators to encourage them to keep bad secrets too, Always be honest and open.
If you don’t let your kids do any of the above, then they will be less likely to get into difficulties and their well-being will be much better as a result.
2022/05/11
What do You do when your Kid Doesn’t Match your Shoes or your Bag?
Seen a parent who uses their kids as accessories? Sounds crazy, right? I mean, who wants an accessory that makes such a mess. Parenting is a labor of love but make no mistake, it is labor.
Ever spy that mom who’s walking through the store, looking oblivious and completely put out by her children all in the same moment? You know the one, she’s dressed like one of the desperate housewives of Jersey and her child is dressed in something equally as chic. The poor kid’s sporting a kind of pathetic
The poor kid’s sporting a kind of pathetic nobody loves me, everybody hates me look? That Mom who is completely ignoring the child’s existence while simultaneously berating them, that’s the one! You’ve seen them ..at the zoo, the museums, cooking, the grocery store, church, maybe even the mirror. The ladies who like to play house but not actually live within its parameters. No cooking, cleaning, bathing, soothing sick children back to sleep..none of that. Just satisfied with the situation in theory but in fruition, they’ve decided to abort mission about 10 months after the fact…emotionally checking out. Make no mistake, I am not referring to women who
Make no mistake, I am not referring to women who have postpartum depression. I am speaking of women who had their children for the sole purpose of wanting to fit into a lifestyle and nothing more.When the task proved too difficult, they tried to cut their loses.
I have always thought that all Mommies loved their children unconditionally more than life itself. I think a good amount of us do. But there is an elite crowd, who I have found, that have children simply because that is what all their friends are doing; what is expected. They want to be invited to all the functions with the cool kids and so they procreate. You think I am joking, right? I have actually met people who have gone through all
I have actually met people who have gone through all the effort and labor of getting themselves a baby only to use that baby as a VIP pass to all the family friendly functions in town or as nothing more than an accessory. A photo op, another reason to pat themselves on the back. They want the child for what it brings but they don’t want to put any effort into the maintenance and upkeep. It is truly craziness.
Can you believe that in this day and time, there are people who would do this? Making matters worse, these are the same people who are all “get out of my house when you turn 18” and do you know why? For the same reason that the shelters are filled with cats and dogs because nothing is quite as cute as kittens and puppies…something to put into a little purse and show off to anyone who will look. I think it is beastly when its done to animals but unforgivable when its done using little human beings.
A child is a gift, a trying, exhausting, drive you crazy and steal all of your sleep gift..but none the less a gift. People did this back in the day because they needed people to work their land…so they grew a farm team but they loved them. They interacted with them. In today’s society, it is so easy to completely take care of your child but never have to actually interact with or engage them. We have Nanny’s, Manny’s, television, credit cards, boarding schools, babysitters, camps, preschool, any and every class you can think of. If you are determined enough you can fill every single moment of your child’s day and seldom have to even say hello. They can be like the good china, you only bring them out for special occasions…you know, when you need a kid to gain access to a situation.
For us parents who are full on Mommies who really want our kids, not because they match our bag and shoes but because they are our lives, its hard for us to understand why someone would only engage with their child on special occasions.Why would you not embrace the opportunity? We could not imagine our lives without our children.
Our children are not our accessories, our children are the world for which we wear all else.A child is a gift and a responsibility, forever. If you are so lucky to have one, love them and cherish them as they deserve to be. You chose to bring them into the world, they did not choose to come into yours. They are not intruders, they are your guests. Once you have children, its time to put away your own childish things and become an adult.
What do you think of parents who use kids as accessories?
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2017/04/11
How to Keep Your Children Safe Online from Toddler to Teen
Estimated reading time: 5 minutes
Children and teens love being online. The older they get, the more they love it. Whether it’s watching videos on YouTube, playing Fortnite or interacting with friends from school on SnapChat and Instagram, our kids spend a lot of time online. The thing is, do we really know who they’re hanging out within the online world? We can’t even be sure that we know who we’re dealing with in this world of online personas and filters. Is anyone who they seem to be? I’ve spent a lot of time trying to figure out how to keep my children safe online from the toddler age through to their teens.
Maybe it would be easier if our kids were just playing outside. But that’s not the real world. It’s only part of it and our kids need to learn how to navigate safely through the digital world. It’s not like when we were kids. There’s a whole online world connecting our children to people all over the world. All the hoping and wishing is not going to unring that bell.
READ ALSO: Online Persona who’s real and who isn’t? How to know the difference.
There may be those that argue that digital technology makes children unhealthy from the lack of fresh air and physical activity. People will tell you that this generation of kids will be awkward and develop poor social skills but I think that’s an alarmist attitude. Our children need to have their bearings in both worlds because currently, the future is living in one and experiencing life in the other.
There are solid arguments in defense of having exposure to technology from a young age. Many games involve complex problems that need solving. Schools use online classrooms and apps to teach our kids. These same games can improve hand-eye coordination and children learn very quickly how to use technology in great depth, in a very natural and intuitive way.
A bigger concern though is how safe our children are online. With access to so much, often unrestricted content, how do we know that our children are not going to come into contact with things that they’re not old enough to deal with? We have parental controls on our daughters’ computers and phones. They are only allowed the apps we give them permission to use and we check often. But even the most vigilant parent can’t be everywhere all the time. We need to teach our children, from an early age, how to be safe and smart online.
READ ALSO: How to keep your family safe online
The other aspect of this is also a concern over who they might come into contact with. There is always a worry with social media or games that have chat functions, that children may come into contact with strangers who prey on the young. My biggest fear is a pedophile posing as another child, gaining my daughters’ trust and violating them in some way.
So how do we deal with this challenge? Nobody wants to cut their children off entirely from enjoying something they love, and with technology being a bigger and bigger part of our lives, the children of today will have even more of a relationship with technology. As parents, we have to keep them informed, tech-savvy and safe by doing a few simple things.
Take An Interest In What Your Child Is Doing Online
Make online activities a family experience where you can. Get involved with their gaming, and spend time understanding what they’re doing when they are online. My girls only game online when their dad is playing with them. Keeping a healthy, positive interest will mean that your children will be less likely to hide activity from you. If you know the games, they’re playing, and the sites that they’re visiting, you’ll have a better idea of what any specific risks are. This will help you put things in place to minimize these risks.
Teach your children about passwords by sitting with them when they sign up to their first sites. Make sure they learn early on how important passwords are, and that they should use different passwords on different websites and use a healthy mix of letters (upper and lowercase), numbers and special characters.
Having Straight, Honest Conversations
Be honest with your children about the dangers of strangers online, and the kind of content on there, but try not to scare them too much. They do have to live and work online. Encourage them to be cautious. Encourage your children to talk to you about anything that they see so that if something ever happens, they go to you immediately.
Parental Controls
Make sure you know how to access any master parental controls from your home router, as well on every device your children might have access to. This is so important. Find out about the best apps and devices for monitoring your kids safe online activity. Make sure that these are installed and working.
“Friend” Your Children
If your children are using social media, befriend or follow them online. Your children need to learn that anything they post online has the potential to be viewed by anyone and that once it’s posted, even if it gets deleted, it could come back and cause them damage. I taught my girls from the beginning to not post anything that they wouldn’t want their grandpa seeing. I’ve also shown them how screenshot works and the reality that nothing is temporary on the internet. The Internet is forever.
These are just a few tips for keeping your children safe online. What’s your best tip?
2019/07/08
If You’re Spanking Your Kids, You’re Parenting All Wrong
Do you believe in spanking your child as a disciplining technique? Do you spank your kids? I’ve threatened it lots of times. I may have even tapped my daughter’s tush once or twice but it just never felt right. It felt wrong. I’ve written about whether or not you should spank your kids many different times on various different outlets and my opinion has always been that you probably shouldn’t spank your kid but it’s YOUR kid so it’s really up to you. Parenting is a touchy subject and I remember how pissed off people got when I said that cry it out was like abuse. I never truly wanted to offend anyone’s parenting technique; not on purpose. The other day a photo appeared in my FB tread and it’s been sitting with me and bothering me ever since.
Deep down, I think that if you are spanking your child you are a jerk.
You either don’t know how or don’t want to use your words. You’d prefer to get angry, get frustrated and hit rather than dealing with bad behavior and sorting it out. Hey, I get it. I do. I have moments when I would love to spank my girls. Sometimes they behave really badly. They talk back and they don’t listen and sometimes I am just too damn tired to argue and grabbing a belt or a switch would make that all disappear. One good, swift smack would probably stop them out of pure shock and awe.
But as a child who used to get hit often, as in it was the primary source of discipline, I can tell you that your child will fear you. They will not respect you and they will avoid being caught doing bad behavior and lie if they are caught. It is not a deterrent to stop bad behavior. It is a deterrent to being honest with you. Your child will learn to fear you and hate the feeling of fear. Your child will be afraid of you. Your child will not trust you. And you can spin it anyway you like, spanking is not going to get the result you want. It will not teach discipline and promote good behavior, it will make your child afraid to get caught doing something wrong and there is a difference.
If you’re spanking your child for biting their sibling, what kind of sick and twisted, ass backwards message are you sending?
Don’t bite your brother but it’s okay for me to hit you. So, I am here to recant any wishy-washiness that I may have ever led you to believe that I have on the subject of spanking. It is never all right. It is always wrong and if you spank your child, you are most certainly not disciplining them in any meaningful way.
You are teaching them that physical attacks are okay to deal with your anger. You are teaching them that they can’t trust you. You are teaching them that you are mean and angry, that they should fear…not respect you. By spanking your children, you are undermining your own authority. So don’t spank your child. Love your child. Discipline your child when you are calm and thinking clearly because responding to bad behavior when you are angry only leads to bad choices that will inevitably damage your relationship with your child.
Think back to when you were a child, if you were spanked, was the feeling you felt when being spanked fear or respect? I know for me, when I was spanked, it was fear 100% of the time. Not once did I think to myself, wow, I respect my parents so much for sticking to their guns and punishing me with physical pain.
Do you think spanking is an effective form of discipline?
2014/02/18