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  • Sometimes the Most Important Things to be Said Don’t Require Words

    Sometimes the Most Important Things to be Said Don’t Require Words

    Disclosure: This moment of nostalgia sponsored by Milk Life Lo Que Nos Hace Fuertes. All memories and opinions of my grandfather/ abuelito are my own.

    Growing up in a Latino family, you learn 2 things very early on; 1) family is everything and 2) food and drink are the ways you show love to your family. I love milk. My girls do too. It’s nutritious and delicious and something I feel good about serving them. We go through at least 3 gallons a week at my house. It’s sad to think that many kids don’t even get the recommended servings of milk especially since milk is such an integral part of a balanced nutritious meal plan to help children grow up strong. The taste of milk reminds me of home but my love of milk originates back to my childhood and fond memories of my abuelito (grandpa) Manuel in Mexico.

    My abuelito, known fondly in his village as Don Manuel, was a humble, quiet man with a wisdom and kindness that exuded from his smile and his eyes. He was a hard worker all of his life. He ran our family ranch until he was in his 80’s when he was thrown from a wild stallion and broke his hip. That was my abuelito.

    READ ALSO: My Father the Immigrant

    He was someone you looked up to because he always did the right thing, even if the right thing was reading and taking time out of your busy day to respond to your young granddaughter’s letters. Even if those letters were her practicing her terrible Spanglish on you by hand writing you the most heinously, grammatically incorrect letters ever. He had patience and always made time to write me back, even when free-time was non-existent in his day.

    I remember spending our summers in Etucuaro, the small village in Mexico that my father is from. My abuelito would be up and off to work the ranch and milk the cows before any of us were even awake. He’d be home with a jug full of fresh milk and eating his breakfast by the time I’d stumble into the kitchen and see him hunched over exhausted quietly eating his leche con pan.

    Milk Life, Milk, leche, breakfast, family

    What is leche con pan, you ask? It’s exactly what it sounds like bread with milk. It was a foreign concept to me. I was raised in Chicago, not on a farm. I was a kid, he was a very old man, even the first time I met him. Our worlds were very different. He had actually lived in Chicago and spoke English in the 1920’s. Our frames of reference were 60 years apart, but I knew if he liked it, it must have been good.

    “If you really want to make a friend, go to someone’s house and eat with him… the people who give you their food give you their heart.” -Cesar Chavez

    As a kid, I was all about milk and I loved pan dulce but what he was eating looked like bread rolls and milk. I wasn’t exactly begging him for a bite of his breakfast. Every morning, that I ever saw him, he would eat the same thing. No cereal. No oatmeal. No eggs and sausage. No breakfast burritos. Just kidding, I never saw a breakfast burrito ever in Mexico, unless you count chorizo and eggs on tortillas but no one calls them breakfast burritos. My point is that I thought maybe it was some kind of “old person” thing. I was a kid.

    He’d offer me a bite and every day, I’d politely decline; walking away thinking he was really cheating himself and I knew better. Then one day, almost as a dare to myself, I said yes. His eyes lit up and he smiled at me approvingly. He took his spoon and lovingly scooped me out a bite of his breakfast.

    READ ALSO: A Girl and her Grandpa

    I opened my little kid mouth and happily accepted. I was expecting to be underwhelmed or maybe even want to spit it out. I mean, it was just bread and milk. But it wasn’t. It was a delicately, sweet warm roll (torn up into pieces) covered in sweet, thick fresh milk and it tasted like a hug from my abuelito. If the warmth of his eyes when he smiled at me had a flavor, it would have been leche con pan and ever since milk has been my most favorite thing to drink.

    “Food is symbolic of love when words are inadequate.” -Alan D. Wolfelt

    Sadly, my abuelito passed away when I was in college but all I need to do is close my eyes and I’m a little girl again; right back at his kitchen table in Mexico and he’s smiling at me with those gentle, kind eyes of his (the same ones my father has). Sharing his breakfast with me. He’s tanned from years of working the ranch in the hot sun. He’s smaller than he once was and he’s tired from decades of early mornings of milking cows to care for his family. But his heart is full of love for his little granddaughter who writes him those silly letters and he gives her the last bite if she wants it. This is love, this is family and, for me, this is milk.

    Milk Life, Milk, leche, breakfast, family

    I don’t make leche con pan for my girls because that was ours, his and mine. Honestly, I’ve never tried to replicate it but my girls are known to enjoy their own version of leche con pan with their own Grandpa Manny (my dad). I’ve loved watching them sit at the kitchen table where I grew up, drinking homemade champurrado (Mexican hot chocolate) and eating pan dulce with my own dad. Yes, sometimes, they even dunk their pan dulce in their champurrado. Seeing them there with my father always reminds me of those mornings in Mexico with my abuelito.

     


    For more content and recipes with milk visit https://fuertesconleche.com/nutricion/dales-mas-leche and follow Siempre Leche on Facebook, Twitter, Pinterest and Instagram.

  • Mommy Moment Monday ~The Rear-view Mirror

    Mommy Moment Monday ~The Rear-view Mirror

    Mommy Moment MondayI am starting a new meme on my blog & on my Facebook fan page, starting today and, hopefully, every Monday from here on out. We’ll call it Mommy Moment Mondays.

    We all have crap Mommy moments & Mondays usually suck, so to turn it around, I want us all to post about or leave our mommy moments on my wall. There is only one caveat…it has to be a good moment.

    Share a moment when you have done something right or something you feel good about. This is the one occasion that I am cheering you all on to bring on the sunshine and unicorns.

    I am anti-blowing smoke up your ass. So I want real life stories (photos, thoughts) about adorable kids, unadulterated gushing is allowed and stories infused with unconditional love for your children, even if it is the most trivial thing. A smile, the way they say a word or something you did that made you feel like a good mom. It could have happened today, yesterday, last year or 10 years ago. We just need to remind ourselves that we don’t always do everything wrong and there are moments of the bliss of motherhood that we would not exchange for a lifetime of sleep and peace and quiet.

    We need to stop the mommy wars and enjoy the little things, the little ones. (more…)

  • Working out the weight Wednesday Feb.24,2010

    Its that day again! Time to get some great recipe ideas to keep ourselves and our families healthy and happy.I have posted some great links on the Truth about the Motherhood FB fan page….https://www.facebook.com/home.php?#!/pages/The-Truth-About-Motherhood/305525486452. Hope some are helpful to you and your lovelies. Please feel free to add any ideas that have worked for you and your family on weight loss, eating healthy,staying in shape, getting in shape, etc. We ,Mommies, all need to support one another in this journey to making ourselves and our families the best selves we can be!Take care!

  • TRUTHFUL MOMMY goes Live!

    [fusion_builder_container hundred_percent=”yes” overflow=”visible”][fusion_builder_row][fusion_builder_column type=”1_1″ background_position=”left top” background_color=”” border_size=”” border_color=”” border_style=”solid” spacing=”yes” background_image=”” background_repeat=”no-repeat” padding=”” margin_top=”0px” margin_bottom=”0px” class=”” id=”” animation_type=”” animation_speed=”0.3″ animation_direction=”left” hide_on_mobile=”no” center_content=”no” min_height=”none”][youtube=https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tVgSseP6wgw]

    First, turn down the music player at the bottom of the page or you won’t be able to hear a word that I am saying!

    I thought it was about time you all got to meet the Mommy behind the blog! This was fun. Hopefully, I didn’t stumble or make too many crazy faces! Enjoy! Keep a look out for next month’s, month long celebration of my Birthday; BE a Better ME Challenge! Happy Mothering!

    Disclaimer: I don’t really look like a OOmpa LOOMpa, its the lighting from the computer!Sorry. Don’t be afraid![/fusion_builder_column][/fusion_builder_row][/fusion_builder_container]

  • Five Fabulous Bloggers

    fab five bloggers

    Thanks to Trop50 for sponsoring my writing about fabulous bloggers. This year Trop50 is granting 50 Fabulous Wishes. Click here to enter for a chance to win $1,000 to celebrate a friend with a refreshing attitude about looking and feeling fabulous!

    I have been absent from my weekly Fab Five Friday due to the fact that I have been running an entire month of bloggy love. I’ve been sharing amazing bloggers with you every Monday thru Thursday in an effort to share my favorite reads with you. But I have a mother of all Fab Fives today…right smack dab in the middle of the week.

     

    krysta,my life in food*Krysta of My Life in Food is  an amazing food blogger but she also blogs about life and her family. She is an absolute sweetheart and can cook like the love child of Paula Dean and the Barefoot Contessa. I love visiting her blog because it is great recipes for every woman. They may look gourmet and even taste it, but Krysta breaks it down so that even the most amateur cook ( like myself) can whip up a respectable meal for their family. She’s a little hidden gem blog that I look forward to visiting as often as possible, now I am sharing her with you. I am serious when I tell you, you MUST follow her. She really is too awesome not to…and adorable, did I mention how adorable she is?

     

     

    *Melissa of Married my Sugar Daddy is truly one of the most entertaining bloggers I read. She writes with wit,charm and honesty. The combination is magical. You will find yourself laughing, crying and shaking your head in complete agreement with her posts. She is a talented writer and you will thank me for introducing you to Melissa and her tales of marrying the love of her life, Sugar Daddy, and living her fairytale; which includes children, no sleep and a constant state of wondering if she’s doing it all right. My kind of fairytale!

     

     

    *Josh of Dad Street My name is Josh, I’m completely and utterly in love with my children and when I’m not drooling over them I’m doing one of the following: drinking wine, taking pictures, playing with my iPhone, listening to an audio book, trying some kind of new food, surfing online, sleeping, watching TV, yappin’ on the phone, and last but not least trying to spend quality time with “The Boss”.  Oh, and I’m extremely sarcastic so please note that about 92% of what I say is crap.  True crap but crap nonetheless…

    What’s not to love,right? So, if you are not familiar with Josh, please do yourself a favor and stop over at www.DadStreet.com and check him out.

     

     

    cecily kellogg,uppercase woman*Cecily of Uppercase Woman (*These are Cecily’s words not mine) Cecily Kellogg is a writer. She also deeply loves using the worst possible language, she’s unapologetically fat, a feminist, a former drunk and junkie with fifteen years sober, a wife, and a mother of the most beautiful little girl in the world. She’s also very liberal (there are drag queens more politically conservative). She’s also famous in the most obscure way she could find: as @CecilyK on Twitter.

    I think Cecily is awesome because she is honest and forthright.I have gotten to know her best through Twitter and it has lead me to her blog.It is all very transparent and I love the fact that she lays it all out there for us to read. She is unapologetic in the best possible way.I love no B.S. and she certainly delivers. If you want to be engaged, entertained and feel like you are part of a conversation and not just a third party observer…Cecily is your blogger.

     

    Last, but certainly not least,

    * Anissa of #FreeAnissa This was me before I got married, had three kids, had a stroke, had a toddler with cancer, started a blog, then had more strokes, and became inspirational. You may not be able to tell from there, but I am totally rolling my eyes. *This excerpt from her About page should give you just a taste of her incredible sense of humor.

    anissa mayhew,#Freeanissa, aiming low

    I have gotten to know Anissa, as I get to know most of my favorite bloggers, via Twitter and that led me to her blog. Anissa has a unique perspective on life and an equally unique voice in the world. She is strong, smart and just about as funny as they come. She finds wit and humor in the mundane and ordinary. She makes me appreciate the little things by pointing out the triviality it plays in the big picture. She will not allow herself to be defined by circumstances. She exceeds the bar in every way. And for all that she does, she still finds time to offer kindness to a fellow blogger. She is fast becoming one of my favorite bloggers in the blogiverse. Do yourself a favor and go and read her blog. I give you my word, you will be thanking me for introducing you to such awesomeness.

     


    Don’t forget to enter the 50 Fabulous Wishes contest for a chance to win $1,000 to celebrate a friend with a refreshing attitude about looking and feeling fabulous. I was selected for this Tropicana Trop50 sponsorship by the Clever Girls Collective, which endorses Blog With Integrity, as I do. I received compensation to use and facilitate my post.[/fusion_builder_column][/fusion_builder_row][/fusion_builder_container]

  • The First Moments are the Messiest

    The First Moments are the Messiest

    The First Moments are the Messiest~ As a parent, there are many, many messy moments in life. Diaper blow outs in the middle of the night, food that never quite seems to make it into a toddler mouth, lost scavenger hunts for Cheerios and Goldfish, mud pies at preschool, wayward finger paint and watercolor mishaps, vomit, spit up, and every body fluid imaginable will end up on a parent’s person at one time or another, spilled milk, smashed birthday cake,grass stains from first soccer games, dance make-up wiped on tiny leotards, blood from skinned knees and tear stains from broken hearts; these are the messy moments in life. But the messiest moment in life is the most profound; the collective moments in life where a woman becomes a mother, a man becomes a father and a dream becomes a reality…the moment of life… the moment that a baby is born.

    Bleach it Away, The First Moments are the Messiest, Clorox, babies

    The Messiest Moments are where the Memories are Made

    Bleach it Away, The First Moments are the Messiest,Clorox

    The Moments that you Will Never Forget

    Bleach it away, THe FIrst Moments are the Messiest, Life, Clorox

    The Messy Moments are where Life Happens

    The First  Moments are the Messiest, Clorox, Bleach it Away, memories, babies

     The moment a child is born, the mother is also born. She never existed before. The woman existed, but the mother, never. A mother is something absolutely new. ~Rajneesh

    No matter what mess my house may be in, no matter how many crushed crackers, smushed gummy bears, random overturned sippy cups filled with spoiled organic milk, surprise soaked night time diapers I may find under the bed or behind a dresser, I never mind the mess because out of all these chaotically messy moments comes the loving and the living. Spilled grape juice on creme colored carpets, crayons on walls, marker mustaches on little girls are all fondly remembered in my heart as benchmark milestones of motherhood. Those most present moments, those quiet and surreal moments right before I met my daughters are the messiest and most profound of my life. What was your messiest moment in parenthood?

    I received information about Clorox’s Bleach It Away campaign and am sharing my messy moment for the chance to win prizes from The SITS Girls. To learn more about the messy moments program, check out www.BleachItAway.com.  Sharing your story on the Clorox fan page gets you entered for the chance to win $25,000 and daily prizes, and you can grab a coupon for Clorox® Regular Bleach. Share your messiest moments.

  • Yucateco Habanero Hot Sauce Bloody Maria Recipe

    Yucateco Habanero Hot Sauce Bloody Maria Recipe

    This shop has been compensated by #Collective Bias, Inc. and its advertiser. All opinions are mine alone.

    It’s Friday and you know what that means? It’s the weekend and on the weekends I like to enjoy brunch and sometimes, I like to add a little something special to brunch, a Yucateco Habanero hot sauce Bloody Maria for those weekends when your day needs a little get up and go or it’s a little nip in the air! My Bloody Maria will warm you right up.

    I don’t drink Bloody Mary’s often, I am more of a Mimosa girl myself, but sometimes you just want something savory and spicy on a Sunday afternoon with your Frittata or before your Scotch eggs and maybe you love spicy heat but you don’t want to cover your eggs in hot sauce. Me neither!

    Here’s my recipe for a Yucateco Habanero hot sauce Bloody Maria

    6 oz. Zing Zang Bloody Mary Mix

    3 ounces Reyka Vodka ( if you can’t find it, if not any top shelf vodka will work)

    3 liberal dashes of Yucateco Black Reserve Habanero Sauce ( you can find all 4 flavors at your local Wal-mart in the Hispanic food aisle)

     

    Yucateco, Bloody Mary, Recipe, Sponsored

     

    2 dashes of pepper

    2 dashes of sea salt

    1 squeeze of lemon

    Garnish with 1 stalk of celery, 1 pickle wedge and 2 blue cheese stuffed green olives for optimum Sunday Funday experience.

    Yucateco, Bloody Mary, Recipe, Sponsored

    Fill shaker 1/2 full with ice, add all ingredients except garnishments. Shake for 10 full seconds.  Pour into a Collins glass and garnish. Relax and enjoy your morning/ early afternoon relaxing as El Yucateco Black Label Reserve (available exclusively at Wal-Mart) washes over you like the sunlight through the window. It’s like a hug from the inside. But if you are afraid the Black Label might be too much smoky goodness for you, there are 3 other flavors you can try; Red Habanero, Sauce Green Habanero Sauce and XXXtra Hot Kutbil-ik Sauce.

    Yucateco, Bloody Mary, Recipe, Sponsored

    For more awesome recipes and great ideas of how to get the most out of your Yucateco check out El Yucateco Facebook page.

    Hope you can join us at the bilingual #SauceOn Twitter Party for inspiration and ideas on how to bring more excitement to your everyday meals by using El Yucateco.  We’ll be sharing delicious and exciting recipes using El Yucateco and there will be $550 in Walmart gift cards!  RSVP here:  https://www.sofabchats.com/parties/233-sauceon

     

    This shop has been compensated by #Collective Bias, Inc. and its advertiser. All opinions are mine alone.

     

  • The Ultimate Spring Break Packing List Must Haves

    The Ultimate Spring Break Packing List Must Haves

    Estimated reading time: 6 minutes

    Spring break is right around the corner. The weather is already warming up, the sun is shining and everyone I know is planning their escape to anywhere because the pandemic has had us all stuck in our homes for far too long. But honestly, the warmer the better. Thankfully, even the Midwest gets sunshine during springtime and 50-degree weather is fine too because we Midwesterners know how to appreciate anything above 40.

    Disclosure: Some of the products mentioned in this post were sent to me for review purposes. All opinions and gynecological misadventures are all my own.

    Warmer weather means more time outside and whether you’re planning to spend your break in the nearest pool or most southern ocean, chasing your little ones around the local park or hiking some majestically breathtakingly, beautiful national park there are a few things you’re going to need, besides just your glee and good attitude. 

    Below is what I consider some of my ultimate spring break packing list must-haves

    Olita Lip Balms

    Show your lips a little TLC too and pack a chapstick with SPF in it! OLITA offers 7 different SPF 15 lip balm. They pride themselves on being EWG-verified, organic, and reef safe. They have received several awards such as EWGs safest sunscreen in 2020 and 2021 and Parent Magazine’s safest sunscreen for kids in 202, just to name a few. Lastly, OLITA, donates 10% of every purchase to Coral Reef Alliance and is a Climate Collaborative Partner.

    Aviator Nation Ninja hoodies

    Aviator Nation is a 1970’s inspired California lifestyle brand. My Ninja Hoodie by Aviator Nation is by far, the most comfortable hoodie I’ve ever owned. I love it so much; I want it in every color. The single needle stitch work gives each garment a unique, one of a kind effect. All of Aviator Nation’s products go through an intense breaking-down process that gives them a vintage, lived in feel that I love because it’s broken in from day one of wearing it. Believe me, you’re going to want to live in this hoodie.

    Ultimate spring break packing list must haves,, spring break 2022, voller

    Voller sand shorts and top

    Voller is this year’s clothing line of volleyball sports clothes for men and women that you want to know about! Voller was born out of a passion for creating beach volleyball apparel that makes every detail count. Canadian beach volleyball pro Sam Pedlow is a die-hard fan of the brand, even rocking his own Voller sand shorts design! The collection for men and women is all about featuring materials that match the robust demands of the game yet are lightweight and flexible to perform with the athlete. 

    Ultimate spring break packing list must haves,, spring break 2022, attitude living sunscreen

    Attitude Living Al Natural Sunscreen

    Wherever you travel, don’t forget to pack sunscreen! Their mineral and hypoallergenic sunscreen is ECOLOGO™ Certified and uses natural ingredients like non-nano zinc oxide to offer broad-spectrum protection. Hypoallergenic, dermatologically tested and unscented, it is gentle on sensitive skin. Because they love nature and animals, our sunscreen is PETA Certified, vegan and cruelty-free. Tubes are also available without boxes, to avoid over packing.

    Dr. Motion Compression Socks

    Run outside in style this spring! Don’t sacrifice comfort for style in 2022. With Dr. Motion’s stylish outdoor compression socks, you can confidently trek up a mountain or through the forest, knowing your feet will get you wherever you need to go. Dr. Motion offers both crew and knee-high socks. Their outdoor socks are created with acrylic and TrueDry polyester blend and treated with an Ultrafresh anti-odor to ensure you are not limited in your adventures. As someone who suffers from tendonitis in my feet, these socks are a lifesaver and allow me to work and play like everyone else without worrying about being in pain or uncomfortable.

    North Street Bags

    North St. Bags produces handmade, stylish, and functional backpacks and bags that are ideal for a variety of uses, from school book bags, bike commuting essentials, or even diaper bags carrying children’s and parents’ needs. They are perfect for spring break, especially if you will be exploring the great outdoors, making memories at Disney World or spending a week playing at the beach. All of North St.’s bags feature EcoPak recycled sailcloth, either as the water-resistant liner or as the piece’s sole fabric. 

    Ultimate spring break packing list must haves,, boost

    Boost Oxygen

    Boost Oxygen is portable 95% pure supplemental oxygen for all-natural respiratory support. No prescription is needed. It is used by athletes for recovery, older adults for an active lifestyle, people at high altitudes for altitude acclimation and those experiencing poor air quality. Did you know the air we breathe contains only 21% oxygen – the majority is useless 78% nitrogen. Boost provides nearly 5x the pure oxygen you breathe normally. Boost Oxygen provides easy and immediate access to supplemental oxygen.

    For the athlete doing spring training, Boost Oxygen SPORT – a new innovation specifically created and designed for athletes, fitness enthusiasts and active people of all ages is currently available in Large 10-Liter canisters, which contain approximately 200 one-second inhalations.

     The human body needs oxygen to create energy to power your tissues, organs, cells, and brain, which require even more during sports performance. Without enough oxygen, you can experience shortness of breath, lightheadedness, fatigue, and dizziness – especially during and following periods of strenuous or aerobic activity.

    Ultimate spring break packing list must haves, nomatic travel pack


    Nomatic Travel bag

    Now that we’ve rounded up all our favorite Spring Break essentials, we just need a pack to put it in. The NOMATIC Travel Pack was designed for everyday use and for those shorter 1-3 day trips. It’s made with durable, water-resistant materials and YKK zippers. Starting at 20L and expanding to 30L, this bag is slim but expands when you need to pack more. The full perimeter zipper, magnetic water bottle pockets, RFID safe storage, and hidden pockets are just a few of the 20+ noteworthy features that make the Travel Pack the most functional travel pack ever! On top of being packed with incredible functionality, the NOMATIC Travel Pack has a sleek minimalist design and gives you confidence for your life on the move.

    What are your ultimate spring break packing list must-haves? What do you and your family never leave home without on vacation?

  • How to Talk to Your Tween about Sex

    How to Talk to Your Tween about Sex

    Have you been struggling with how to talk to your tween about sex? Me, too. At what age did you have “the talk”? I mean we’ve talked about puberty. In fact, we’ve talked puberty to death. It’s old news. They both know so much about the inner workings of the female reproductive system that they could probably teach a class. But we’ve not quite made the leap to …you put the penis in the vagina and do that thang. I’ve been mulling this idea over for years, waiting for the right moment. I just haven’t been ready to see the innocence disappear from her eyes.

    I told my tween that she and I would have “the talk” before she turns 12. In a culture where Teen Mom is a show that makes celebrities, I want my daughter to know babies are a lot or work and where those babies come from. She wants nothing to do with that conversation. Boys are not even on her radar yet. She is still pretty happy with unicorns, slumber parties and playing with dolls but I don’t want her getting misinformation about sex from other kids. I promised myself I’d talk to my tween about sex before she was 12 and now, I have less than a month, people.

    Fool that I am, I made plans. The universe laughed at me and then life intervened. Now, I’m binge-reading all the articles on how to talk to your tween about sex because a teachable moment has arisen. No, before any of you have a stroke, it has nothing to do with her and sex. It’s more of a collateral damage situation.

    But how to talk to your tween about sex is not an easy thing to figure out. It has to be the perfect balance of honesty, openness and availability.

    The conversation has to be had with every child and no nervous giggling or embarrassment is allowed on the parents part. We have to be a source of information and comfort. They have to believe we know what we’re talking about and not be afraid to ask questions.

    Last Tuesday was Valentine’s Day, I’m sure you know where this is going, and let’s just say the Big Guy and I were feeling particularly amorous. Him and all his damn romantic gestures. Anyways, apparently, we actually made some noise. We usually use our inside voices because, you know, KIDS! (TMI, I’m sorry.)

    My 11-year-old had the misfortune of getting up to pee at the wrong time and now, we all need therapy. It’s all giving me flashbacks to the time when she was a toddler and she caught us “wrestling”. If these kids would JUST STAY IN THEIR BEDS. (Sidebar, just say no to co-sleeping this is what got us to where we are today. I jest, sorta.)

    The thing is the tween is very mature in many ways but very immature in other ways. She’s at that age where she’s beginning to look like a young woman but her brain is not quite there yet. She’s caught somewhere between working her eye roll and still coming in for snuggles and mama cuddles on the regular.

    Either way, you’ve got to figure out how to talk to your tween about sex sooner or later.

    Anyways, to be clear, I was not howling at the moon or anything like that but when you are a kid and you hear anything coming from your parents’ bedroom other than snoring, you are instantly disgusted. We had no idea any of this took place until the following morning. We thought they were asleep.

    All I know was that she got up on Wednesday morning particularly annoyed for no particular reason, as far as I was aware. I just took it for regular tween behavior. Honestly, one minute she’s being all tweeny and the next she is playing American Girl dolls with her little sister. I can’t keep up. She is a fantastic kid. She’s just a bit moody these days. I get it. I’ve been there. I am sympathetic.

    But after school, I asked her point blank how her day was. Her answer was,

    “It would have been fine if I had gotten more than 3 hours of sleep last night!”

    I volleyed back with my standard,

    “Well if you went to sleep at your bedtime instead of staying up messing around on your tablet or playing Barbies, you wouldn’t be so exhausted and grouchy.”

    Big mistake.

    To which she responded,

    “No, mom I only got 3-hours of sleep because of you and dad!”

    And with that, her lip curled and I could see the disgust. Suddenly, I felt like I was in that commercial back in the 70’s where the kid does the really shitty behavior, I think it was drugs or something, and says, “I learned it from you, dad!” It was that bam! You are to blame.

    My next question, the one I wish I had never asked, “What is that supposed to mean? How is this our fault?” I was a little annoyed because I am not, in fact, to blame for everything.

    The answer I didn’t want to hear,

    “Well, I had to pee and when I got up I heard your “weird noises” coming from the bedroom AND my sleep pillow and FIFI were held hostage in there! How am I supposed to sleep without them and after hearing THAT!!!!!”

    There it was. Firstly, I was a little embarrassed that she heard anything so I did what any sane mom would do, I told her that it was her dad. My second thought was, “Oh no, we traumatized her!” I finally did it. I irrevocably damaged my kid. I have to start saving for the therapy.

    Then, I thought to myself, this “tween” who pushes me and pulls me back so much on a daily basis that I don’t know if I’m coming or going had purposely left her snuggle pillow and lovey in my room so that she could sneak in there in the middle of the night to sleep. Oh yeah, she still does that occasionally. I’m not complaining but she does bear some responsibility in all of this.I’m not going to lie. I was pretty embarrassed. I don’t get embarrassed but we were both red in the face. Then I sucked it up and said,

    “Hey, I know it was uncomfortable to hear whatever you heard but we’re married and we love each other. This is what people who are married and in love do to share physical intimacy. It’s completely natural!”

    Then I decided to add, “Besides, isn’t it better to hear “that” than your father and I screaming how much we hate each other behind those doors?”

    To which she agreed. Then she looked at her little sister, her voice went down near a whisper and she said,

    “But I didn’t want to hear you DOING.IT!”

    Then, I threw up in my mouth a little bit.

    My response, “Firstly, we never saying “doing it” ever again. It’s called “making love.””

    Because hearing my 11-year-old say “doing it” in reference to her father and I, skeeved me out. Of course, hearing myself say, “making love” out loud was nearly as creepy. So we decided to just agree that when the bedroom door is shut, we’re probably together not sleeping. I told her if it really bothered her, I could buy her ear plugs. She was mortified but swiftly answered,

    “Yes, please!”

    Boundaries were set.

    If the bedroom door is shut, stay out. I considered getting one of those old license plates that said, “If the bedroom’s a rockin, don’t bother knockin” and hanging it on our door but I thought it was probably still too soon for that joke.

    We still have to have “the talk” but I’m pretty sure she knows what’s going on. I also feel like I need to add a disclaimer to our talk that when she has sex for the first time, what she heard will probably not be what will be happening because, you know, teenage boys are bumbling idiots.

    But what am I going to do, tell her to sleep with older men if she wants it to be worth her time? Nope, I’ll just let her suffer through crappy first-time sex like the rest of us besides, after all that eye rolling shade she’s been throwing my way lately, an awkward first time when she’s at college is just what the doctor ordered. Shhh, don’t tell me otherwise. College is my story and I’m sticking to it.

    Anyways, I’ve still got to have this talk but now, it feels super weird because I feel like she’s going to relate the entire thing to her father and me. And EWWWW!

    What would you do? What’s your best advice on how to talk to your tween about sex?

  • Ode to Joy a Personal Kate Spade Story

    Ode to Joy a Personal Kate Spade Story

    Like many of you, I was shocked and then immensely saddened by the passing of style icon and designer, Kate Spade. I was out shopping with my daughters, ages 11 and 13, when I read the CNN blurb of her suicide, I was speechless. It felt tragically personal. I had so many questions.

    Then the news began to report the details. A red scarf. A note to her daughter, Beatrix. Suicide by asphyxiation, similar to that of Robin Williams. We all know how I felt about that. It hit me like a ton of bricks. It all feels a little too close to home.

    I’m still shocked that Kate Valentine Spade is gone. By all appearances, she seemed so vibrant and happy-go-lucky but, that was the brand, right? I, of all people, should know that life is not always what it appears to be. Sometimes there is madness just beneath the surface, holding us down like an anchor around our necks.

    It’s not like we all go around shaking hands with every stranger saying, “hello, my name is blah blah blah. My diagnoses are…” That would be weird, right? Helpful, maybe but definitely socially awkward. Instead, many of us walk around with our illnesses on our shoulders like some sort of punishment and never seek relief out of shame. The shame is what kills us because it makes us too afraid to seek the help we need.

    READ ALSO: When Mental Health is Marginalized

    You’re probably wondering when is she going to get to the “personal” Kate Spade story. My story is personal and it relates to Kate Spade in the way that I can personally relate to her circumstances and depression. I have no “that one time I met Kate Spade” story for you today. But, in a way, aren’t we all Kate Spade’s, that’s part of what made her so beloved.

    Kate Spade, Kate Valentine Spade, Andy Spade, Davide Spade, Suicide, Beatrix Spade, fashion, depression, bipolar

    She was an American Dream success story. A girl from the Midwest who made good in the big city. She took nothing but a dream and built it into an empire. She hustled her ass off and in the process, we all fell in love with not only her bags, shoes, clothes and accessories but the woman who made them. I’ve always admired the woman as much her designs.

    “Don’t rest on your laurels. The end result isn’t as important as the effort that goes into it. Jump all the way in. Don’t be afraid. And don’t worry so much,” Kate Spade.

    I’ve always fancied my personal style as Carrie Bradshaw meets Audrey Hepburn meets Coachella. It all depends on my mood, as are many aspects of my life. Kate Spade helped me keep it classy; she brought the Audrey to my wardrobe. I’ve owned many of her pieces over the years and I wore them each proudly because it felt like I was finally a grown up. Her pieces are classic yet edgy. The touch of Holly Go Lightly we all so desperately crave in our lives. Even my girls love Kate Spade.

    I don’t know what her diagnosis was nor would I try to guess. Diagnoses are very personal and indiscriminate. You can’t share them until you are ready and every single one of us are different. Some of us can’t hide them and everyone knows that something is “off”, some us of blend into normalcy and you never know the anguish we are suffering through on a daily basis and some of us would rather die than reveal our diagnosis.

    For me, before my diagnoses, I thought I was broken. That feeling is daunting and overwhelming and nearly too much to carry. Definitely, too much to carry alone. Hearing my diagnoses said out loud gave me so much relief that I cried tears of joy because I realized then that I was only bent. But it was a humbling experience that I mostly got to experience in private surrounded by those who loved me unconditionally.

    I didn’t come out to the world as mentally ill (see, I still cringe when I type that because I know that to someone, somewhere that diminishes what they think of me) until 2012. I was diagnosed in 2000. It took me over a decade to be able to be completely open about it and yet, it still bothers me to say “mentally ill” out loud. I feel like the moment anyone hears “mentally ill” they conjure up images of people in padded rooms in an asylum wearing straitjackets. I can’t imagine how someone of Kate Spade’s notoriety would deal with a diagnosis or if she even had one.

    It’s obvious that she was depressed; that’s usually a given in a suicide. I read that her sister is claiming that she suffered from undiagnosed Bipolar. As I am Bipolar (I just cringed a little again) I know a little more about that disease. I know firsthand that it can make you depressed and it is a fact that 15 % of people diagnosed with bipolar disorder will commit suicide, half will attempt it and 80% will contemplate it.

    I was part of the 80% in my teens. It was over a decade before I was diagnosed but your brain doesn’t need an official diagnosis for you to feel the full weight of the symptoms. You just do. And when you don’t know what is causing that pain, it’s so much worse because you assume there is no relief. You assume you are terminally broken, so what is the point of trying to live? If you’ve never felt this kind of melancholy, you are lucky. If you have, you know exactly the depth of despair of which I speak. It is unmistakable and sometimes feels unlivable. Many of us have been here.

    I only dwelled in darkness for brief moments of my lifetime. For me, the darkness gave way to mania and immense irritability. My natural state is a revved up motor stuck in neutral which can be, at times, equally as painful. Imagine being chronically up and never being able to turn your brain off; that is your brain on mania.

    I know it seems like I’m rambling now but my point is this, you never know what someone is going through in their life or in their minds. We all wear our protective armor and some of us are better at hiding the pain and misery than others but that doesn’t diminish how strongly we feel it, only how clearly you can see it from the outside.

    I am sad that the world lost Kate Spade, absolutely gutted. I don’t know if she had a formal diagnosis, I hope that she did, if only she knew what it was because the feeling of being terminally broken is so much worse than being mentally bent. I also know for a fact that even when we are at our lowest, we can still know that we are loved and love others even if we feel we don’t deserve it. I hope she had that too. Sometimes the reasons are outweighed by the anguish and that has nothing to do with the people who love you. They are enough but you feel that you are not.

    Unfortunately, there is only one way to survive this kind of depression and it is to get through it, which is much harder than it sounds because it hurts unbelievably. You have to get the help you need, whether that be getting the initial diagnosis, medication and therapy all the way through to making the choice every single day to keep fighting through the excruciating pain you feel on some days just to breathe.

    If you feel depressed or you are thinking about harming yourself, please call the 24-hour Hotline National Suicide Prevention Helpline 1-800-273-8255 (1-800-273-TALK).

    I know when you are in that dark place, it feels like there is no way out but there is and it starts with letting someone throw you a line; someone listening and making you feel heard. Talking through it can provide enough relief to get you through to the next day.

    READ ALSO: Carrie Fischer; the Warrior Princess who gave me Hope

    And if you are someone who sees a loved one hurting, depressed, overwhelmed with sadness let them know that you are there for them. Listen and encourage them to get the help they need but know that you cannot force someone to feel better and they can’t simply cheer up. And no matter what their life may look like to you from the outside, you have no idea what they are going through on the inside so don’t diminish their pain by telling them that they need to “get over it”. It’s not that simple. They need your support and unconditional love. Full stop.

    Kate Spade, Kate Valentine Spade, Andy Spade, Davide Spade, Suicide, Beatrix Spade, fashion, depression, bipolar

    I hope her legacy is the immense joy her pieces brought to so many of us and will bring to future generations of young women. My thoughts and prayers are with those who Kate Spade left behind and though they will never fully be able to understand or accept what she has done, may they find peace in knowing that she is no longer in pain.

    What is your Kate Spade story?