The TRUTH About Motherhood

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Working Mom Guilt~Finding the Balace Between Work and Family
The Working Mom
Working Mom guilt ~ Finding the balance between work and family is the sweet spot in life where every working mom wants to live. But how do we find the perfect balance between our careers and our family, more importantly, our children? This is a struggle that I think every woman is too familiar with; one that I, myself, have struggled with since giving birth to my first child.
Even if we are afforded the luxury of being stay-at-home Moms, we are torn and left feeling guilty for not wanting to be in the house, with the children, sans adult conversation for 24-hour increments/ 365 days a year. I’ve been a stay-at-home mom, a work outside of the home mom and a work-at-home mom. All have had their challenges and in every category, I was a working mom. Raising children and maintaining a home is never ending work, even if the perks include spontaneous hugs form adorable munchkins.
As a stay-at- home mom, I wrestled with being overwhelmed with no down time. I found myself having verbal explosive diarrhea each afternoon when my husband walked through the door. I felt disconnected to the outside world and then I felt extreme guilt for feeling like I wanted to be anywhere else. After all, what kind of mother needs time away from her children? Obviously, this was a sign of a major character flaw on my part and I should suffer in silence like a priest trying to purify his soul and purge the impure thoughts. After all, wanting to be away from my children, wasn’t that the most impure thought that a mother could have?
While pregnant with my second child, I temporarily took a job outside of the home. It was only in the afternoon, after my husband was home from work, because I could not bring myself to leave my 1 year old with anyone else (another side effect of extreme Mommy guilt). She was up for precisely 2 hours after I left for work. In retrospect, she probably didn’t even notice that I was gone. She normally played with Daddy from the moment he walked in the door until bedtime anyways, regardless if I were home or not. Yet, every single day that I walked out the door for my 5 hours of work, I felt like I was betraying her in some profound way; abandoning her. The guilt was palpable. The job lasted eight months. From the moment I took the job, I was looking to find something that allowed me to work from home.
This Working Mom wanted to work from home
At six months pregnant, I found a fabulous job that allowed me the flexibility to work from home and make my own schedule. I was ecstatic. Then I started the job and realized there is only one rung of Mommy guilt worse than leaving your child to go to work and that is sitting in the same house as your child, hearing them call out for you and having to make the decision to tune them out so that you can get work done. The guilt I wrestle with is colossal.
I’ve been fortunate that my job has allowed me to scale my hours back when I need to and increase as I see fit. It’s been a Godsend. Now, the girls are a little older and next year, they will both be in school all day. I decided it’s time to pursue a career that not only fits my lifestyle but also is something I love doing. After all, don’t we all deserve to have it all; the partner, the children, the career and the lifestyle that we want?
I’ve just started a couple new jobs. I still have my original job; editing and tutoring in English but I have added regular freelance writer to my repertoire. I can now be found at SmartMomStyle.Com and The Stir daily plus I am writing my weekly post at Aiming Low. It’s very exciting and absolutely my dream job. As it is starting any new job, it’s taken some concerted scheduling efforts on my part. My husband and I had to sit down, figure out a writing schedule, incorporate the kids schedule and make certain days and times off limits because they are reserved fro family time. It’s only been a week but I can see that the schedule is already making a huge difference in the amount and quality of time that I am spending with my family. It is also working wonders for alleviating the Mommy guilt.
I’m sure you working moms have many different ways to deal with the Mommy guilt, the schedules and how to make the best out of your time. I’d love to hear your stories and recommendations. I want to have it all and leave that working mom guilt out of it.
Photo Source
Bye Bye Working Mom Guilt
2012/03/07
Throat Punch Thursday ~ Baby Center & Miscarriage Edition
Baby Center Missed the Miscarriage Memo
Miscarriage Reminder from Baby Center. Due to the holiday and a lot of moving and packing and general exhaustion in the 107 degree weather, I was a bit discombobulated and Throat Punch Thursday is a day late. Yesterday, as I was packing up our home for our final good-bye, Baby Center sent me a “Congratulations, you are at the half way mark in your pregnancy”… Only, I’m not because I miscarried May 1st at 10 weeks and 4 days. I know this because every 1st day of the month, I am stabbed in the chest with a little knife that reminds me that I am missing something followed by my shark week that starts a few days later just so the point is driven home that my womb is EMPTY. So fuck you very much Baby Center, I didn’t need the reminder of what could have been because I’ve never forgotten! I know I lost my pregnancy, I don’t need bells and whistles as a reminder.
I got a bill in the mail today and I can’t let it go. Believe me I believe in paying for services. I pay my bills. I always have but there are some things in life that should be free and the fact that people have to be charged for these things makes me feel indignant and stabbity.
Oh yeah, the outrageous bill that I just received is what I’m being charged for my D&E. This has me truly indignant. In my mind, I KNOW it’s a surgery and it saved me from infections and all sorts of other painful repercussions but it’s not fair. I can’t even believe they charge for this. I understand that there are charges involved. I understand that doctors need to be paid, surgeons, anesthesiologists, nurses, medication needs to be dispensed but fuck me. In my heart, I don’t understand. I want to stomp my feet, scream at the top of my lungs and say “HELL NO! WE WON’T PAY for MISCARRIAGES!! THIS IS BULLSHIT!”
No Charge for Miscarriage Please
Paying for an unwanted D&E (is there such a thing really as a “wanted” one?) after my miscarriage is as awful as charging parents for their child’s pediatric cancer treatment. It’s like charging to give someone a drink when they are dying of thirst in the dessert. It’s like charging to throw someone a life preserver when they are drowning. It is withholding the cure for cancer because someone cannot afford the cure. It is bullshit.
There are just some things in life that should be free and a D& E is one of those things. There’s nothing quite like billing a broken woman for her own misery. Talk about insult to injury! I want to punch the hospital billing department square in the gullet just for having the audacity to bill me for my miscarriage. If anything, I feel like someone owes me something, an explanation would be nice. Maybe insurance should make pregnancy lossone of those things they pay for in its entirety, like getting your teeth cleaned. I’d considered it well being, its something that had to be done to keep my sanity after the loss. Paying for a miscarriage feels like paying for my own hit. I want to scream and yell for it to stop. I don’t want to pay for something I never wanted. I wanted my baby. I never wanted the miscarriage or the D&E. At the very least, maybe there should be a 6-month grace period before a bill is sent to the victim patient.
I guess it’s all still too fresh for me because Baby Center, the outrageous bill that I have to pay for something I NEVER wanted and being told, “I Bet you wish you would have sold all those baby toys at the garage sell now, don’t you?” makes me what to throat punch the lot of them and so I am. Throat Punches to Baby Center, the billing offices and the other asshole who shall remain nameless for being completely insensitive and douche canoes.
Who would you Throat Punch today? I know, I am in a really bad mood with this one. Sorry if I sound like a complete loon but honestly, leave it to all this emotional shit to surface right on shark week. This would be one of those posts where I cringe and hit publish anyway. I know it’s not politically correct to talk about the cost of a miscarriage or to be irate at Baby Center for sending me a reminder to celebrate the biggest loss of my life but it’s how I’m feeling today and I love you all for listening.
I am being featured at Erin Margolin And Your TRUTH Shall Set you Free today telling you all about my writer roots. You may be shocked at what you learn about your Truthful Mommy. I share my truth, no holds barred. Hope you will read and comment and stick around and check out Erin’s site. She is a wonderful writer and you will be glad you did. Have a wonderful weekend. Enjoy the moments with your family because that is what counts and try not to melt in this ridiculous heat. I’ll try not to bitch slap the next person who reminds me of my miscarriage.
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2012/07/06
The Vagina Whisperer
*Vagina Whisperer Disclaimer: Warning this post may be more sexually explicit than normally expected from Truthful Mommy , if you are offended by such things please stop reading now. (more…)
2011/10/16
The Big O
The power of the big O. No, I am not talking about an orgasm ( though that does sound pretty nice right now). I am referring to a much bigger O, I’m referring to Oprah. I am not a hater of Oprah, nor am I an avid follower. I mean I watch her show, if it’s on and I’m available, but I don’t DVR it. Anyways, I never realized the immense power she wields. She is more than just a celebrity… She is very powerful… Like a superhero. Example; on an episode the other night, in about a 2 minute segment she mentioned Geneen Roth’s book,
Women , Food, God. I don’t know if it’s because it actually sounds good or its solely because Oprah recommended it, but I’ve been searching like crazy for this book to no avail.Oh, who am I kidding, we all know I’m stalking this book because Oprah told me to do so. In this world, if Oprah says it…we must do it…conscious or unconsciously. It’s like some crazy itch that I can’t scratch. I gotta have that book. I’ve been to all the stores in my area and the libraries. There are like 20 holds on that book. That means I wouldn’t get it until like next year! The power of the Big O. I wish she’d tell me to sew my mouth shut and exercise some more. Finally, some advice that I could get behind. Anyways, I digress. Back to the issue at hand. I go to Barnes and Noble and customer service tells me they can’t keep it on the shelves. They asked why everyone was so interested in this book, I answered , “Because Oprah said so!” To which a choir of “oooooh”s responded to me. Now, if I could just get her to mention my blog, imagine the possibilities? Hell , I’d even sign one of her damn no texting while driving pledges:)
If you see this book, be sure to grab it. It’s scarce and apparently mind blowing, at least that’s what Oprah says!
-Truthful Mommy xoxo
2010/04/09
How do You Know if You’re Ready to be a Parent?
After falling backward into marriage with a wonderful man, more than I could’ve ever asked for in a person to love me, 5 years later I was getting a little worried. I wasn’t worried about the marriage. I was worried about what came next; babies. How do you know if you’re ready to be a parent?
There was no time frame on any of it but I knew, in my heart, that one day I would be married with children. I never doubted it or considered it wouldn’t happen.
One small problem, I met the man of my dreams when I was least expecting him. He asked me to marry him, when I was even less expecting it. I said yes, to the shock of myself and everyone else. You see where I am going with this?
Life just kept tossing me those lovely wonderful curve balls. I went with it and it all seemed to be playing out perfectly. My life was everything I never knew I’d always wanted, served on a silver platter. One thing was missing, a baby.
But, how do you know if you’re ready to be a parent?
It wasn’t missing because I had misplaced it or some unfortunate fertility issues. We weren’t so busy with our careers that we had forgotten about it. What happened was I married a man who wasn’t sure if he wanted children or not. I know it sounds crazy that I would have even considered marriage when I was so certain about this one aspect of my life. I knew I needed to be a mother, at some point, the way I know I need to breathe air. But he wasn’t totally sure that he didn’t want children, I am an eternal optimist, and we took a chance. Actually, I’d say it was more like the biggest gamble of my life because if things hadn’t worked out as they did, my story would be very different. Probably a lot more like Elizabeth Gilbert’s and a lot less like Truthful Mommy’s.
I remember feeling a lot of trepidation the summer of 2004. It had finally sunk it that maybe this wasn’t going to happen and then big decisions were going to have to be made. Decisions that neither of us wanted to even consider. So we vaguely discussed and kind of decided to plan to plan to have a baby. You know…maybe sometime in that not predetermined future. Personally, in retrospect, I think we were biding our time. He was trying to put off something he still wasn’t sure about and I was trying to give him the benefit of the doubt. I was trying and praying to keep hope alive in my heart. That was the summer of our 5-year anniversary.
We planned a romantic getaway to New Orleans. It was magical. I’m sure it had a lot to do with the “we’re on vacation” mojo and the ginormous hurricanes they serve in the French Quarter but we had a heart to heart and decided that we were both on board to plan to plan to have our mythical baby…one of these days. We walked around the Garden district holding hands and talking about how awesome it would be to live there. Spent nights walking together, gazing at the stars, eating rich foods on Jazz cruises in the Mississippi. We lingered in the French Quarter drinking all that life had to offer before coming back to our hotel to bask in one another’s love multiple times* wink*wink*
Then we returned home. Our marriage stronger than ever, our faith in each other renewed, our love undivided and then…I started puking and puking….and puking some more. Our plan to plan had been foiled and replaced by actual living in the now! We were both scared witless, shitless and sideways and oh, yeah excited. Me more excited; him more scared witless. For a couple months, I was wondering how this was all going to play out. Don’t get me wrong, he was very involved.
We did everything together. I read the pregnancy journal to him every night, so we knew what was going on with our baby. He read and sang to my belly. He was at every appointment. He got choked up at the heartbeat. He catered to my every pregnancy whim. He did everything right but for some reason. I felt like he felt like I had sprung this on him. I was too afraid to bring it up because, honestly, I was afraid of what his answer was going to be. Then I wasn’t sure if it was really fear or some kind of crazy hormonal paranoia. So I just went on basking in my glow and praying every night that he REALLY was too. It felt too good to be true, so I was sure something was afoot.
3 days before Christmas we went to have a 3-D confirmation ultrasound done because I HAD to know what the sex of the baby was going to be. They had told me a girl but said they could be wrong because of leg placement. The doctor had tried 3 times to get a definite sex reading and always the same. She was a good Catholic girl even in utero, closed legs and a middle finger to the world. I was so nervous, I vomited.
It was the big day; I was going to finally know the sex of our baby…our accidental, planning to plan love child. The image came up and we saw our baby in 3-D and I knew…we were ready. He was ready. He was happy. He was ECSTATIC. I had my answer, not about the sex of the baby but the answer to a much bigger question.
Then Christmas came. I didn’t care what I received under the tree because I had already gotten my gift, three days earlier in the ultrasound room. I had gotten peace of mind. All the gifts were open and the Big Guy disappeared. Then he came back in with a huge, beautifully wrapped box and he placed it in front of me. “For me?” I asked. “No, it’s for the baby. I bought it a few months back to surprise you!” I opened the box and inside it was the most beautiful Burberry diaper bag that I had ever seen, through my tear filled eyes. He said, “a few months back”. I had worried for nothing. This is one of my favorite and most cherished holiday memories of all of my existence.
2010/12/26
Don’t believe the hype
Who’s the spin doctor for Motherhood? Seriously, who was it who decided to tell us that when we get pregnant we ‘glow ‘ and ‘ never look more beautiful’ ?Did I really , could I really, have been so naive to believe that harboring a fugitive parasite in my body for 10 months could make me beautiful. Saying it out loud sounds ridiculous.You’d think someone with a 147 IQ would have known better. Let’s be honest , when I was pregnant , I felt nauseaus, bloated , fat, ugly, unlike myself , grouchy, mean, horny , hateful, hungry , tired and like I had to pee a lot. But not once , do I ever remember feeling beautiful or glowing . I guess if they told us the truth the species would die out . I guess it’s not all so bad, I did go back for seconds. Pretty sure I’ve learned my lesson now, though . Happy Mothering, may it be all it’s cracked up to be.
-Truthful Mommy xoxo
2010/04/19
No rest for the weary
It’s the middle of the day, nap time, normally the time of day that I work out or clean up the house. Not today. Today, I woke up sick. I feel absolutely horrible, like I’ve been hit by a Mack truck. But I can’t nap because God knows both of my girls won’t nap at the same time.Why is it that Us Mommies can move mountains for our children but when it comes to ourselves, we are human and susceptible to all life has to offer:) When my husband and children are sick, I coddle them and do everything possible to make them comfortable but when I am sick, too bad so sad for me. Exhausted,achey, sneezy , coughing, yucky….those are just a few of the adjectives that I am feeling right now.When do I get to be babied and rest? Now, back to my place in front of that Mack truck!
-Truthful Mommy xoxo
2010/03/29
Throat Punch Thursday~Liar,Liar Anthony Weiner on fire
Throat Punch Thursday~Liar,Liar Anthony Weiner on fire
Well, we all knew it was coming. Look, Truthful Mommy is by no means a prude, I think that’s been proven time and time again BUT this whole Weinergate situation has had me longing for the Clinton/Lewinski scandal. It’s become painstakingly obvious that to be in politics you have to be a adulterer or some other sort of sexual deviant. Not that I give a rats ass what anyone does besides closed doors between two consenting adults, but for the love of God, can you politicians please not use Twitter as your own personal sextual playground?
Seriously,we’ve all been to #wineparty and got a little tipsy and possibly said something flirtatious, but we’re not politicians and we’re not usually tweeting indecent photos of our Weiner to ignite a scandal. Democratic Congressman Anthony Weiner has exercised some poor judgement of epic proportions. It’s not that you want to get your freak on congressman, it’s that you don’t have the good sense to not leave a social media trail. And now your newlywed wife is pregnant? Jeez is there a special secret club that only allows politicians who screw around on their wives while their wives are pregnant or have small children? Is there a special prize for doing such a scandalous thing?
(CNN) — Rep. Anthony Weiner of New York will heed calls from across the political spectrum and resign over a sexting scandal that he lied about before admitting his involvement, a Democratic source with knowledge of the congressman’s plans said Thursday.How exactly do you lie about this?
That’s not me nor is that my Weiner! I protest. Your eyes have betrayed you good people of the United States.”
*Representative Anthony D. Weiner, a high-profile New York Democrat who had been considered a leading candidate to be the city’s next mayor, said Thursday that he was resigning from Congress following revelations of lewd online exchanges with several women.

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Photo Chang W.Lee

“I’m here to apologize for the personal mistakes I have made and the embarrassment that I have caused,” Mr. Weiner said, adding that he had hoped to be able to continue serving his constituents. “Unfortunately,” he said, “the distraction I created has made that impossible.” So, he’s not sincerely apologizing for the ordeal but more for the fact that he got caught and it’s messing up his life.Understandable, but not admirable.
Mr. Weiner announced his resignation in Sheepshead Bay, Brooklyn, at a senior center where he announced his first campaign for City Council in 1991. But while that moment was filled with promise and excitement, his resignation occurred in a raucous and circuslike atmosphere, punctuated by shouting from a group of hecklers. This couldn’t have been a surprise to him. It’s not like he was a victim. He perpetrated lewd behavior and his constituents are disappointed and worse, he lied. They are hurt and angry that he lied on top of everything else.
Mr. Weiner tried to deliver his brief statement in a restrained manner, but struggled to be heard above the din of the hecklers, some of whom shouted vulgarities and one of whom called him a “pervert.” I feel sorry for his wife. How embarrassing it must be to stand by a man who lied and cheated, not only to you (while you were carrying his child) but to the people who put him in office.
I don’t necessarily think it’s any of my business what Mr.Weiner does when on Twitter with strange women, that’s between himself, his wife and God. On the other hand, cheating on a pregnant wife ( thought, deed, or action) is pretty damn despicable. But LYING, I have no tolerance for liars. For that, my friend, you get yourself a quick swift Chuck Norris kick to the Weiner! That’s what You get for …
Throat Punch Thursday~Liar,Liar Anthony Weiner on fire

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2011/06/16
Oh Cinderella…
( I think the picture speaks for itself!)
Believe it or not my 5 year old, when she wants to, can be an exceptional help. Normally, I am in full on crazy “gotta get it done” mode and just whiz past her when she is offering to help. I know there are lessons to be learned in letting her help but sometimes the mess I get in return is just not worth it to me. I know, awful , awful woman I am. But today, I let my little Cinderella help. She was all into rinsing the dishes until she realized it was kinda gross and not really as much fun as she had apparently previously thought. Right in the middle of all the excitement, Bella: “Umm, Mom! I don’t really care for this!” Me:” Really? Cause it’s my favorite thing to do.” Bella (completely vexed)”REALLY?” Me: “No, not really. Sometimes, in life, we have to do things we don’t like because we are supposed to or have to.” Bella: “Yeah, well , I don’t like that rule!” (Me neither baby, me neither.) Look at that, I did some completely accidental good mothering…”Go ~~Debi~~ Truthful Mommy, its your Birthday!!” Now, if I could just convince her little sister that its so much fun to put away laundry!

Really don’t know why Bella was so upset, it wasn’t like she had to do dishes in a third world country…like I had the privilege of doing on vacation to visit family in Mexico when I was a kid.This is not a picture of me, but it was how I had to do the dishes when we went to Mexico. Bella has it easy! Maybe I should show her the picture , when she’s a little older to put things into perspective! Happy Mothering!
2010/05/13
Aye Carlitos! The Man, the Myth, the Magic!
Carlitos,
My Hispanic brother, how I long for the days when you were the hot jock in Lucas. The brawny athletic type with a heart of gold. How you made my teen girl heart swoon. I always loved you because you were such a “real” guy. Well, real as far as the men I had grown up around. Of course, most of those losers have ended up in AA! Your behavior was not out of the norm. You were a child star, you didn’t play by the same rules as the rest of us. You never had to. But you took what you had and you made it your bitch. Obviously, somewhere in there, you became a bitching ,totally fricking rock star from Mars. A Warlock with tiger blood and Adonis DNA, some might even say. I know your life is epic and you are proud of who you are and what you’ve done for yourself.I totally respect your crazy strong will and how you have decided to not accept defeat as an option.Go you and your winning attitude! Never let them get you down, Carlitos. So what if you get to play your real life on TV and make 2 million dollars an episode? That’s certainly no reason for people to be “leaving you to twist in the wind like some sucker getting shanked in the yard?” You’re right, they are jealous.Silly mortals.
But I do have to say, I think you are better than this. And I’m led to believe that ~~hookers~~ goddesses don’t make the greatest of housewives.You deserve better, Carlitos..you are a winner. You beat drug addiction by making the conscious choice to will it so. You are awesome. Duh? You’ve done what it takes most mere mortals several attempts at rehab or AA to do! I also don’t think it’s such a good idea to explain your “epic” ordeal with your kids before they reach the teen years. Well, actually after they hit their 20’s that is fodder to be most certainly thrown back into your face. Damn kids, you know how they love to lay on the guilt.Ungrateful little bastards, after you have an entire house full of Goddesses at their beckon call.
TMZ: I met one of your sons on the way in – what do you do when one of your sons comes up and says I wanna try beer, or cocaine?
Sheen: I would strongly recommend against it, but if he wants to try a beer, do it here. At least he’s not drivin’ around like some clown. Like some amateur.
At least you have your priorities straight! No amateurs here. If you’re going to do it, do it right!Go for expert! Go for broke! I like your enthusiasm.
I saw your interview with Rossen on the Today show. How I appreciate your candor and honesty.Awesome that you totally tested “clean” on your drug test..three times according to your TMZ interview. Nothing gnarly about that!Pretty fucking radical if you ask me! Only 45 and you have totally harnessed all the secrets of the world. But I am beginning to wonder, if you did indeed test clean, might this small mental “infarction” have been caused by a gnarly case of Syphilis? I mean, not to be rude, but given your history, I think this could be a totally plausible reason behind the behavior. If it is, I think everybody owes you a great big “I’m sorry”. I mean, Syphilis is a real disease not a choice. Either way, I think maybe you should get yourself and the Goddesses tested. Better safe than sorry.Unless of course, you do in fact have a hyper sensitivity to Ambien. “Ambien has a half life of 22000 decades, that might have had something to do with it”( In reference to his watch freak out episode) Which could also very logically explain away the entire situation. Of course, I’m just a lowly mortal housewife…not too epic and Ambien wears off in me in about 10-12 hours. Though, I have been known to do some pretty wacky tweets when all hyped up on Ambien. Who knows how things could have went south if I had the money and genius to take it to the next level? I guess we’ll never know:(
Anyways, just wanted to tell you that we are all pulling for you! I don’t blame you, I’d have no interest in their retarded opinions either. I’d probably have to get down with some crack and booze if I had to spend my days hanging out with Duckie too! They don’t know you! Stay strong, Carlitos and remember “The scoreboard doesn’t lie! Now, flash Mama that “winning” smile of yours!

Truthful Mommy
P.S. Can I bring you a cheeseburger or something? You look a little hungry.
2011/02/28