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The TRUTH About Motherhood

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  • Embracing the Unexpected

    Embracing the Unexpected

     

    unexpected, family, life, change

    Last week, the Big Guy had an unexpected job interview. Unexpected because he loves the job he has, it’s his dream job. The past three years have been insanely chaotic for our family. I started this blog, the spring that my husband first had to leave us for a job; my daughters we’re 2 and 4. They are currently, almost 5 and 7. Many of you know the story of our two-year commuter marriage and all the upheaval that has come with that. The moving, the separation, the hurt and finally, the reunion, we have survived as a family. It’s been really hard. (more…)

  • Maggie Goes On A Diet~The Consequence

    Maggie Goes on A Diet, eating disorders, body dysmorphic disorder

    Last week, I wrote an article about the Kramer book Maggie Goes On a Diet. It’s an open wound sort of topic for me with my sensitivity about this subject but mostly I am bothered by the probability of the damage that will be caused by the message in Maggie Goes on A Diet. The premise of Maggie Goes on A Diet is basically that a young girl, Maggie, age 14, looks in the mirror and decides that she does not like what she sees in the mirror. Maggie then decides to do something about her weight problem and Maggie goes on a diet. This should be an empowering message, right? I am fully aware that we, as a nation, are in the midst of an epidemic of obesity of epic proportions. I see it everywhere I look, even in my own mirror.

    My issue is that this book goes on to say that by Maggie “going on a diet” ( a word that I feel should NEVER be uttered in the presence of a child for the sheer fact of the completely negative connotation associated with it) all of her dreams come true. Not only does she lose weight, she becomes beautiful, popular and the star of the soccer team. In a nutshell, according to this book all of life’s dilemmas can be solved by merely not being fat. What a dangerous message this sends. How easily can Kramer’s message be parlayed into self-loathing, Body Dysmorphic Disorder, anorexia, bulimia and a slew of other extreme unsatisfied, not quite measuring up disorders? Since the book is written for the 4-8-year-old, how many ways do you think this message can become twisted in their little brains? Hmmm? Let me count the ways….

    Maggie Goes On A Diet and the whole world is Perfect

    • If you lose weight you will be prettier
    • If you lose weight more girls will like you
    • If you lose weight boys will like you
    • If you lose weight you will be popular
    • If you lose weight you can wear nice clothes
    • If you lose weight everyone will love you
    • If you lose weight your parents will love you more
    • If you lose weight you can be anything you want to be
    •  If you lose weight you can have anything you want to have
    •  If you lose weight..everything WILL be PERFECT
    • If you lose weight, YOU will be irresistible
    • If you lose weight you will  never be alone
    • If you lose weight, you will always belong
    • If the number on the scale is high, your life will be unhappy
    • If you have a little extra weight, you are not worthy of happiness
    • If you don’t look like everyone else, you are not good enough
    • If you are not perfect, you are worthless

    And then I received a comment on the original post from a 17-year-old female reader and I know I am right. Here is her comment.

    I’m a 17-year-old girl and to be honest, I see nothing wrong with this book. if my parents had given me this book…yeah, I would have been a little upset, but I would know they were just trying to stubbly help me. Everybody is beautiful in their own way, but who doesn’t want to be healthy? I mean it when I say that I am the happiest I’ve ever been because I eat right and exercise daily. This book’s message may just as well be a small step to help you onto your pursuit of happiness * 17-year-old reader*

    Do you see what is happening? She is already programmed and defensive. She’s been affected by this sort of mentality. She would have been happy, though upset a little if her parents had given her Maggie Goes on A Diet. Her last sentence is the most troubling, equating Maggie Goes On  A Diet’s message with helping one begin their own pursuit of happiness. If this message stands to reason, what is to stop girls from starving themselves or purging? By this message, it would be completely logical to restrict the food, amp up the exercise and be all that you can be. Maggie Goes On A Diet promises a mythical utopia at the end of a weight loss journey to children who still believe in unicorns… 4-8-year-olds. Diets are not for kids. Parents are for kids. Parents need to teach healthy eating habits and model an active lifestyle. You can’t be a good parent and feed your kids crap all the time and leave them in front of a television set. I know it’s easy to give in and feed Bobby nuggets three times a day because you know he will eat THAT.  I know it’s easy to give in to that tantrum and just say “Sure go ahead watch another episode of Sponge Bob or play for hours on end on the Wii, PlayStation or DS. We’ve all been there. I’m not making judgments. I speak from past experience. The operative word being past. It’s easier to pop something processed in the microwave or keep the kids entertained with technology so you can get some stuff done. Believe me, I’ve been there. I’ve done it. But the ratio needs to be 5% coping out lazy parenting to 95% making the unpopular choices, the choices that will give our children a higher quality of life in the long run. I, for one, will not be responsible for my girls contributing to the childhood obesity statistic or will I let them spend all of their time with their derrieres planted firmly in front of the tele or the computer. I will not be the reason that they develop poor self-esteem or body image issues.

    I will, however, make sure that my girls are shown by example a healthy active lifestyle. I’ve started working with a personal trainer myself over the past 3 weeks and I’ve now noticed my girls emulating my working out.They take dance. They play outside. They ride bikes. The use their imagination. I buy and prepare healthy food. Do they get restaurant food? Sure, once a week we usually eat out. But I try to ensure that they are getting healthy, clean food that is balanced and nutritious. They have to try everything twice, they must eat all their fruits and vegetable but can leave carbs on the plate any time they feel they’ve had enough. Most importantly, my girls know they are better than good enough. They know that they are a sum of their parts; inside, outside, physical, mental and spiritual. Their worth is not determined by what they look like or the size of their clothes. I don’t compare them to other children or to one another. They are individuals and they are amazing…as is. They are healthy, happy, amazing and loved.Oh, how they are loved. This is what is important. I want them to feel the weight of unconditional self-love, pride and respect for themselves not magnify their flaws into full-blown insecurities and disorders. I want my girls to love themselves with the same unconditional and boundless love with which I love them. Maggie Goes on A Diet be Damned.

     

    Maggie Goes On A Diet~Crushing Young Souls Beginning October 2011

  • My #DWTS Experience Inspired by Disneys Nutcracker

    My #DWTS Experience Inspired by Disneys Nutcracker

    Thank you to Disney and ABC for inviting me to Los Angeles on an all-expense paid trip, in exchange for coverage of Disney’s the Nutcracker and the Four Realms and the #ABCTVEVENT event. I was hosted by Disney for the #DisneysNutcrackerEvent and given the opportunity to Interview with #DWTS Pros but all opinions are my own.

    You’ve heard of Dancing with the Stars (DWTS), right? Who hasn’t? But have you ever dreamed of being on dancing with the stars or wondered what it would be like to dance with one of the coaches on DWTS? Me neither because I’m not a celebrity and that’s just not something that would happen in my normal everyday life. But it did. I still can’t believe this is my life sometimes.

    In October, I was in Los Angeles for Disney’s the Nutcracker and the Four Realms Red Carpet premiere, which in and of itself was something I never thought I’d say or do. I mean, who am I? Lady Gaga? But there I was in L.A. living my best life doing my best impression of someone who was keeping calm, walking red carpets and rubbing elbows with celebrities.

    On our first night in L.A., we had the surreal opportunity to receive dance lessons at Gleb Savchenko’s dance studio, Pro Dance LA. I’ve always loved dancing. I’m the queen of impromptu kitchen dance parties with my girls going back 13 years but I’ve never had any formal training. I pretty much dance like Elaine Benes and Frankenstein had a sweet little pirate baby. It’s not graceful or pretty. So even though I was excited, I was quite intimidated.

    The hour we spent “dancing with the stars” was one of the most fun I’ve ever spent on a press trip. Our teachers? None other than #DWTS pros and “Dancing with the Stars: Juniors” mentors Brandon Armstrong, Alan Bersten and Gleb Savchenko.

    First, we had the pleasure of meeting and interviewing the guys and they answered all of our DTWS questions. All three of the coaches were friendly, outgoing, funny and handsome. It wasn’t enough time.

    Then, the pros gave us a lesson on the dance moves and taught us a choreographed dance for the song “Fall on Me” by Andrea Bocelli Featuring Matteo Bocelli from The Nutcracker and the Four Realms. It’s a beautiful song- be sure to listen for it when you watch the movie!

    Interview with #DWTS Pros, Pro Dance L.A., Interview with Dancing with the stars, #DWTS, #DWTS juniors, Gleb Savchenko, Alan Bersten, Brandon Armstrong, #DisneysNutcrackerEvent, Disneys Nutcracker and the Four Realms, #ABCTVEvent, DAncing with the stars, DWTS, DIsneys NUtcracker, My #DWTS Experience Inspired by Disneys Nutcracker

    After all of us learned the dance, we then broke down into three smaller groups, based on the realms in the movie, each with our own dance pro. I was part of the snow group. Alan was the pro for my group and we had a blast.

    Guess what?

    You can get your very own #DWTS experience by attending the Dancing with the Stars Tour.

    My family and I are going next weekend and I can’t wait to tell you all about it!

    You can catch the DWTS Pros on the road in a city near you, with “Dancing with the Stars: Live! – A Night to Remember”. You can see if they’re coming to your city and buy tickets HERE.

    Interview with #DWTS Pros, Pro Dance L.A., Interview with Dancing with the stars, #DWTS, #DWTS juniors, Gleb Savchenko, Alan Bersten, Brandon Armstrong, #DisneysNutcrackerEvent, Disneys Nutcracker and the Four Realms, #ABCTVEvent, DAncing with the stars, DWTS, DIsneys NUtcracker, My #DWTS Experience Inspired by Disneys Nutcracker

    The tour will be a spectacular night of show-stopping dance performances from world-renowned dancers including Brandon Armstrong, Alan Bersten, Witney Carson, Artem Chigvintsev, Val Chmerkovskiy, Sasha Farber, Jenna Johnson, Gleb Savchenko, Emma Slater, Hayley Erbert and Britt Stewart, with more surprise casting to be announced.

    Also, don’t forget that  Disney’s The Nutcracker and the Four Realms arrives home instantly with never-before-seen extras and deleted scenes on Digital and Movies Anywhere, and on 4K Ultra HD, Blu-ray™ and DVD Jan. 29, 2019.

  • Slipping through my Fingers~It won’t be like this for long

    Slipping through my fingers~ It won’t be like this for long. I know it seems like I have been dwelling on this topic lately but its just been that kind of a week. My little girls seem to be growing up at lightening speed this summer and, quite honestly, its breaking my heart a little bit. Where did my chubby little newborns crying for me to breastfeed them in the middle of the night go? I may have been terminally exhausted but it was a blissful exhaustion. I wore my exhaustion proudly as some sort of badge, screaming to the world, I am A Mommy! I am AWESOME!

    Slipping through my Fingers

    It’s true there is a feeling of entitlement that comes with giving birth. Nothing feels quite like it. Sure, I complained about having no sleep, and was constantly questioning the Gods why she never stopped crying. But secretly,(shhhh) I really didn’t mind at all. Much like  I never really minded the unplanned co-sleeping, kissing booboos, or being the only person who could make their world right again. The same way I never minded having to lay down and cuddle them to get them to sleep, or have a lost lovey fed exed in from Grandma ChaCha because my toddler was inconsolable nor did I mind the tears they shed when I left them for the first time with someone else because ,secretly, I loved it all!I love being their everything even if it is a drag sometimes.
    It seemed a lifetime before my little babies were capable of doing the simplest of tasks. Then ,it was like I looked away for a moment and suddenly , they were capable. Every milestone filled us with elation and pride. That first word couldn’t come fast enough; hearing their voices for the first time was like hearing the voice of God. Then quickly came rolling over, crawling, cruising, walking, etc..it all happened so fast it was like every accomplishment was hurled at me and knocked me onto my ass to sit helplessly and be witness to it all. The thing that no one ever tells you is that with every single new accomplishment, new worries ensue. Of course I wanted them to be more independent. But with each  iota of independence they gained, I had to relinquish a little bit of my heart. I am so proud to be the Mommy of such bright and independent little girls, but the pride is short lived and quickly  heartache takes its place, as I realize soon ….they won’t need me at all!
    I can hardly believe how fast these past 5 years have passed and how much my life has changed from having my girls. Having them has certainly given me a greater purpose and increased my quality of life exponentially, in most regards. I can barely stand the thought that one day, in the not so distant future, I won’t be able to see them every day, and worse, they won’t mind.Why doesn’t anyone tell us about this before we get pregnant. The letting go has got to be the hardest part of Motherhood. I used to think they couldn’t live without me, but really, it’s me who will have difficulty surviving without seeing them every day. How do you survive when your heart has left your body? How do you function? They are like oxygen to my soul.Not in some creepy,I’m going to lock them in the basement until they are 40 type of way, I just mean how can you love someone so much and be expected to exist without them in your life at full capacity?
    These precious moments that we have the privilege of being part of in our children’s lives pass by far too quickly.My rational self knows this is how this relationship is supposed to play out; my heart, however, has major problems with this whole situation and I am not afraid tell you, I think it is is trying to organize a coup on my good sense.This makes me reexamine my relationship with my own Mother. One day it will be me waiting patiently at home for my girls to call, and  its likely that the calls will never come soon or frequent enough. Soon, I will be the one wanting and needing their attention. Sorry, Mom! Hey, karma..pay attention, none of this coming back around shit! I said I was sorry! Mom already has you working in cahoots with her to give me ” a couple little girls that act just like you (me)!” So, karma, lets stop all the craziness. I don’t want what I gave , I want more from my relationship with my own girls!
    I just hope the Mother /Daughter relationship with my girls grows into friendship as they grow up.I want to be a woman who they look up to , want to emulate, and spend time with because of the kind of woman I am not just because they have to because I gave birth to them. I want them to come to me for advice and honesty and value my opinion. This is something that I have to work at now, because it won’t be like this for long.
    But for now, I am going to cherish every single moment of co-sleeping snuggling and random “I LOVE YOU”s that I can get my hands on!

    I had to share this video because, as some of you know, this is the song that my Bella looked me in the eyes and said ,”Mommy, this is me and your song!” She was dead serious and I was stopped dead in my tracks and brought to tears; as I am every single time I hear this damn song!I’m telling you, these girls of mine…they have got to stop growing up so fast!

     

  • Back-to-School ~Stop that Train, I Want to Get Off

    Back-to-School ~Stop that Train, I Want to Get Off

    back-to-school, school, kindergartenIt’s back-to-school already! My girls start back to school in a couple days and I am decidedly simultaneously ecstatic and sad about back-to-school. Last year, my baby entered kindergarten and while trepedatious I was completely ecstatic to have the day to myself for the first time in 7 years. Then on the first day of school, I was promptly grief stricken. Alone. Crying because I was alone. What the hell was wrong with me? My baby was gaining independence at lightening speed and her childhood was a runaway train. Stop.that.train!

    I should have been dancing around the house in my undies, playing air guitar and celebrating my hard earned freedom. Instead, I sat on my couch looking out the window sobbing at my computer, counting the minutes until my babies were back in my arms; the very place from which I was pushing them out the door that morning. The duplicitous of motherhood; it’s enough to make you crazy.

    This year is different. I know they are both going to school. I know they both love it and I know their teachers. There is nothing scary about this year. Only the summer went by way too fast and now, I am regretting all the lost moments that I should have spent enjoying my children instead of swatting them away and shooing them into another room so that I could complete my work. It sucked. I sucked and I have the guilt to prove it.

    This summer did serve one purpose though, it has taught me to appreciate the moments and to know that next summer, work will have to wait. My girls will always come first. You know the nature of my business is to be a mommy. I write about being a mom in all of it’s many facets. So, when I am doing a shitty job of it; being a mom, not writing about being a mom, it makes me feel like a fraud because in the end, I want to be great mom not a great writer writing about being a mom. So, this summer has taught me some things.  The most important being that childhood is fleeting and the older my girls get, the faster the summers go.

    back-to-school, school, kids growing up

    It’s like life is this crazy carnival ride we are on together and it just keeps speeding up. It goes by so fast some times that I feel like I just might get sick. Wasn’t it just year that my daughters were born? Wasn’t it just a few months ago that they learned to talk and walk and say “ I Love you”? Where did the time go?

    My oldest is 8 and almost as tall as I am. She is becoming such a beautiful and amazing young lady; full of personality and wit. She’s thoughtful and caring and I see sincerity and loyalty in her eyes. Her thoughts and opinions are no longer something I told her, she is forming her own beliefs. I can still see the cherubesque little face I once held in my arms as she looked up at me like I was her everything but it is evolving into the woman she will someday be and it will be here before you know it.

    My 6-year-old is funny, silly, beautiful and charming. Her passion and fierce convictions about life teeter on scaring me at times. She has been and will always be an ask permission later kind of child. She’s still small enough to cuddle up into my lap and she loves to cuddle with me at night. I should be forcing her to sleep in her bed alone but, my God, in no time she will not need or want me to cuddle her to sleep. So, I take it all in sucking every bit of marrow out of their childhood. I want to linger awhile and watch them sleep, listen to them speak and truly hear what they are saying.

    School starts back on Wednesday and I am going to make today and tomorrow count because once these last days of summer vacation are gone, they are gone forever. Moments in life cannot be DVRed and rewound, they have to be lived while they are happening or they are lost forever.  Stop. This. Train. I want to get off.

    back-to-school, school, kids growing up

    What are you going to miss the most when your children go back to school?

  • Tips to Get Past Your Fear of Needles

    Tips to Get Past Your Fear of Needles

    This post is made possible with support from the Meg Foundation. All opinions and tips to get past your fear of needles today are my own. 

    There’s a lot going on in the world. It’s been a crazy year. None of us ever imagined we’d live through a global pandemic in our lifetime. The biggest concern for most of us before 2020 was a laundry list of first-world problems. Life in 2019 could be hard, but not 2020 pandemic hard. Suddenly, for most of us, nothing made sense, and when that happened, the unknown brought with it new stresses and anxieties. 

    Right now, the only answer to stopping the pandemic is herd immunity. That term kind of makes me want to moo, right? All kidding aside, I’m thrilled that science has given us a way to save ourselves and those we love, but getting vaccinated brings with it a new set of anxieties and stresses for some.

    The fear of needles is real and nothing to be afraid of.

    Tips to Get Past Your Fear of Needles, #Hackthevax

    Don’t like shots? The thought of a needle freaks you out? You’re not alone. 25% of adults have a fear of needles. Don’t be embarrassed. I got so many shots as a kid with chronic health issues that I get sweaty palms just thinking about it even now. I worked through my fear of needles by making a plan and moving through my fears. Please don’t let needle anxiety stop you from being safe from Covid-19.

    The Meg Foundation has resources to help you get through needle fears. Everyone can benefit from learning these techniques, but for people with needle anxiety, the techniques are life-changing. The first thing is to make a plan because action is the enemy of anxiety; the more concrete the plan the better you will feel.

    Tips to Get Past Your Fear of Needles, #Hackthevax

    Here are a few simple tips from Hack the Vax to get past your fear and get vaccinated.

    Be an advocate for yourself

    If you are nervous about getting your vaccine, don’t be afraid to say so. Lots of people have a fear of needles. Those administering the shots are aware of this. Letting people know what you need is the only way they will know (this goes for everything in life, not just vaccinations). You’re not being difficult, you’re advocating for yourself. You are a self-aware bad B. People don’t mind giving you what you need but you’re going to have to tell them.

    Block the pain

    Getting vaccinated doesn’t have to be painful. Over-the-counter anesthetics like Lidocaine cream are great for a little pre-vaccination numbing at the injection site. To be honest, when I was vaccinated recently ( both times) I didn’t feel a thing. I usually get the flu shot every year and I do feel that but with the Pfizer vaccine, I honestly felt no pain or even the standard pinch when a shot is injected.

    Take deep breaths

    You probably remember the power of breathing techniques from giving birth. I never put much stock into breathing techniques, until I experienced a unmedicated, Pitocin induced birth. That made me a believer and anyone who has used it, knows it works. Don’t overthink it. Just take a few slow, deep breaths before and during the injection. Using a meditation app for a minute before also helps me in stressful situations to just slow down and get through the moment.

    Distract yourself

    If you want to rely on something more than just deep breaths to get you through, focus on something that makes you feel happy or relaxed. To clear my head, I always listen to music. However, watching kittens on YouTube or just scroll through your social media feeds is enough to take your mind off the task at hand…or arm, I should say. I’ve done this a lot with my girls throughout their childhood. Distraction is a great way to refocus those overwhelming feeling of stress and anxiety that needles might bring. For me, when I am stressed, I talk, so I chatted with all the other people getting vaccinated.

    Bring a support person

    Phone a friend or family member and either bring them with you physically ( schedule your vaccinations together) or Facetime them during your vaccination appointment. Maybe it feels a bit awkward as an adult to be virtually hanging out with a friend in a room full of people but if it relaxes you enough to not feel as overwhelmed, it is totally worth a few minutes of talking to your phone in a room full of strangers. A bestie, spouse or sibling is a great support person for getting out of your head and engrossed in conversation. The Big Guy and I got both vaccinations together, sitting side by side.

    Tips to Get Past Your Fear of Needles, #Hackthevax

    The Big Guy and I got both of our vaccinations, and even though there was trepidation about getting the shot, I’m so glad that I did it. Getting everyone vaccinated is a step towards keeping the whole country safe and being able to hug our loved ones once again. Making a plan and working through your fears of needles to get vaccinated not only keeps you safe, in my eyes, but it also makes you a superhero because not only are you protecting yourself from getting coronavirus, you are protecting everyone you know and love. You are part of the solution to this devastating problem that is ravaging the world with no discrimination, rhyme, or reason. 

    Don’t let your fear stand between you and your safety. Think, plan, and go get your shot and pass on these techniques because you never know when someone else is feeling nervous, too.

  • Tips for Raising Teenage Girls and Not Damaging Your Relationship Part 2

    Tips for Raising Teenage Girls and Not Damaging Your Relationship Part 2

    If you read last week’s part 1 of tips for raising teenage girls and you’ve returned, welcome back. You are certainly among friends. Raising teen girls is difficult regardless of how the kid behaves. She can be the most complacent, compliant, sweet teenage girl of all teenage girls and you will still need to know these tips because there is a hormonal storm brewing inside that child and it is our responsibility as parents, to try and make the transition as easy as possible.

    Not like we can have any kind of control of what they are thinking or how they are feeling or how any of it is going to land on them. Just remember puberty is like a bomb going off inside of a girl. She has no idea how to deal with all of these emotions, her body and the sexual way she might be feeling towards boys (or girls). It’s all okay. We don’t have to fix it. We just have to be there to listen and understand.

    READ ALSO: Faster than a Speeding Bullet.

    I know you are going to have days where you feel at your wits end. I’ve got a tween and a teenage girl, so this happens to me quite a bit these days. I’ve learned to try and not take it personally. The truth is it hurts. There is nothing wrong with taking a minute to react. Sometimes you just have to step back, take a breath and think about what you are about to do because blowing up at a teenage girl is about as helpful as carrying a paper umbrella in a monsoon.It’s actually ridiculous and someone might get hurt.

    raising teenage girls, teen girls, tween girls, teenage girls, parenting teenage girls

    Here are my Next 5 Tips for Raising Teenage Girls

    The time for catching your teenager when they fall is over. It’s time to help them up when they stumble because they have to learn some lessons on their own.

    Obviously, no one wants to watch their child get hurt. When they were learning to walk, I sheltered them; catching them before they fell. But as parents to teenage girls, you have to let go a little. This is when they learn to make good choices on their own. This is when we have to have a little faith in all the parenting we have done up until now. We have to teach them to live in this world without us, so we have to learn to trust them to make those good choices.

    READ ALSO: Parent the Kids You Have

    Alone time with your teenager.

    Bella hit 13 and it suddenly became abundantly clear to me that our time together under the same roof, seeing her sweet sleepy face stumble into my kitchen every morning and kissing me good morning are coming quickly to an end. I have 5 years and it is not enough so make time to have alone time with your teenage girls. They may not seem like they need or want it but they do, more than ever. These alone times are when they feel free to ask you questions and talk freely. Do something they like. It doesn’t even matter what it is. It’s not about what you do or where you go, it’s about the time together. Always remember that.

    Privacy for your teenager.

    They are no longer children. My tween and teenage girls are starting to look a lot more like young ladies and a lot less like children but they still need parental guidance. At the same time, they need and deserve privacy to think and be alone with their thoughts. This is a delicate balance of letting go and holding on. Check-in. I know my girls need space sometimes, so do I. They are trying to figure out all of this too. Their bodies are changing. Their minds are focusing on different things. It’s like being reborn and your own skin doesn’t feel like it fits anymore and everyone you know is going through the same thing. You love it but you kind of hate it but mostly, you need space to figure it all out without someone over your shoulder at every moment. But remember to let them know you are still there, whenever they need you.

    raising teenage girls, teen girls, tween girls, teenage girls, parenting teenage girls

    Love your teenager for who they are, not who you want them to be. They are a person, they have free thought and you have to give them the independence to explore who they are becoming.

    Just love them no matter what even when you don’t completely understand or you think they are overreacting to something you know will pass. You know because you’ve already lived through it. Remember, when you are a teenage girl and going through these things for the first time, you don’t have the benefit of experience or wisdom. It is huge. Also, the teen years are for figuring out what you like and believe independent of your parents and those around you, so give them that space and don’t discourage them because they aren’t just like you were or are. Just remember how much you love them and remind them that you will keep on loving them, no matter what. Love them unconditionally. No matter how big they get, they are still your child and will always need your love and support.

    READ ALSO: What to do when You Catch a Child Lying

    Listen to your teenager.

    Teenage girls like to talk a lot. A lot of it is not relevant to your life. I can tell you my girls love to share with me all the business of everyone they know or will ever know and everything that is going on in their world. 95% of it is not that pertinent to my life but what is very important to my life is them and keeping those lines of communication open. Sometimes you have to listen to a lot of stories about Kayley’s sister’s best friend’s boyfriend to hear one nugget of who your own teenage daughter is crushing on and how she is feeling and what is going on with that. You need to be there for that and they need to know you are listening so put on your best “interested” face and listen because it’s worth it when they talk to you about the important things.

    Hope you’ll come back next week when I’ll share the last of my 5 tips for raising teenage girls (so far).

  • Every Time I Sneeze I Pee My Pants

    Every Time I Sneeze I Pee My Pants

    Today was the anniversary of the day I fell and dislocated my elbow last year. I know that because my amazon photos wanted to taunt me today.  It also happens to be the 21st anniversary of the night the Big Guy asked me to marry him. Weird, right?

    All day today I was dreading going outside for fear that I might slip on the ice  (because the kids had no school today because of icy roads). I stayed inside with the kids most of the day, just waiting for the clock to run out on this day. Then, I went outside because I had to run an errand and ironically enough, not only was there ice everywhere but there I was wearing UGGS again. UGGS the exact kind of shoe I was wearing when I bit it in the wet yard last year. God, I can actually feel the crunch of my elbow dislocating if I close my eyes. But I’m fine. No slips and falls today.

    ALSO READ: Beware the Slick Spots

    Tonight we were planning our Disney vacation for this fall because we are those people who like to return to the scene of the crime. Since our first trip to WDW was on our honeymoon, we have to go back this year. Right in the midst of the joy of surviving the day and celebrating our engagement anniversary, I sneezed and peed my pants. My kids, keeping me humble since 2005.

    This day just reminded me that life can be simultaneously amazing and shitty in the same 24 hours. It’s all in our perspective, although, I’m pretty sure falling and dislocating your elbow constitutes a bad day any way you slice it. However, I’m just thankful that my elbow kept me from hitting my head on the cement. And who cares if I pee my pants when I sneeze sometimes, that’s what panty liners are for. Also, would I ever trade my kids with their big heads for a non– stress incontinent existence? NO, I wouldn’t.

    ALSO READ: Everything New at Walt Disney World

    I guess all this to say, I’m going to Disney World! But mostly to say, we don’t always know what life is going to throw at us, or on top of us or beneath us but we know that even if it hits us square in the face sometimes, we’re going to be fine. It’s going to hurt for a while and maybe there will be permanent damage but we will figure it out.

    That’s what I’m doing, I’m figuring it out; motherhood, being a wife, being a good friend, living on my own terms, surviving the shittiest of days and embracing the little profound moments of complete bliss. I have no clue how I’m going to make it all work. I never have but I do it. I do it because that’s life. Failure really isn’t an option.

    So the next time you’re laughing and you start to pee a little, look around, is there any place else that you’d rather be? Probably not. Not really. Not when it’s all said and done and the kids are asleep and your husband is beside you watching your favorite show. Laugh on, laugh hard, laugh loud and then change those panties and live to laugh another day.

     

  • This is the Part I Hate

    This is the Part I Hate

    Leaving my children behind when I travel is the hardest thing I do. I travel and I love it. I travel a lot with my kids and the Big Guy. I traveled a lot before I had children. I was born with an insatiable wanderlust and it always begs for more. I don’t se it ever being satisfied. There is an ever growing bucket list of travel destinations because any place can be an adventure if you’re open to it.

    Before I had my girls, I had specifically chosen a career path that would allow me the freedom to travel the world. I wanted to see the whole thing; every nook and cranny and hidden treasure of a culture. I still do; now, I just want to do it with my family.

    Right now, as I type this, I’m watching the sun come up from 13000 feet. The view is spectacular. I only wish my daughters were here to see it with me. But they were left behind on this trip. Sometimes, we moms have to travel the road less traveled alone and that’s good because it allows us to grow and be better for our children.

    I’m headed to New York City this morning. It’s my first trip there, which is ironic because this was the place I’d decided to call home so many years ago. But it wasn’t meant to be. Before my life plan could come together, I met the man I would marry and life took us in other directions, as life often does.

    Still, here I am, like Icarus flying too close to the sun, heading for the missed opportunity trying my best to keep my hubris in check. I’m headed to BlogHer 2015. I haven’t been in a couple years but it seems kismet that I would find myself headed to my original destination with a plethora of opportunities before me on this sunny July morning.

    We just returned from a family road trip on the east coast in Ogunquit, Maine. It was magical and more relaxing than any vacation I’ve ever had. My girls are turning into quite the junior travelers. I can see in them that the wanderlust is strong and that makes me happy. They are miniature foodies with an insatiable desire to know all the places of the world; to speak the language, eat the food and live amongst the people. This is my legacy.

    Of course, this is the part I hate… Leaving them behind when I go on my travels. Since becoming a mother, the world is so much more wonderful and exciting through their eyes. Everything is new and wondrous to them and in so, born again in mine.

    When I leave on a trip, we all feel a little sad about the separation. They miss me and I miss them but while I’m in Manhattan hugging necks and chasing dreams they will be with me like a couple tiny handprints on my heart. I hate to leave them but there is something absolutely magical about knowing that I get to return home to all that love.

    What is your favorite travel destination to visit without children?

  • The Sisterhood of Motherhood

    The Sisterhood of Motherhood

    The sisterhood of motherhood, isn’t it a beautiful thing? Seriously, without it where would we be? My mom friends, that unbreakable sisterhood of motherhood, is what got me through those early days of motherhood. They were my tether to sanity.

    When I first became a mom, it was the single most amazing and simultaneously most isolating thing that had ever happened to me. There is just something about bringing life into the world that takes a woman and elevates her expectations of the world. My first decision was to stay huddled in our home, safely away from any and all germs, until I absolutely had to leave the house; six weeks later for my check up.

    Immediately, I began to hold everything to a higher standard, including myself. My mission in life became to not break the baby; the perfect, amazing, beautiful creature whom I had just brought into the world. It’s a lot of pressure.

    Motherhood gives you a new perspective of the world; more insight, more tolerance, more love and bravery like you’ve never known before. 

    Suddenly, I was fully aware that I was the keeper of this miracle. She was given to us perfect and any defects from here on out, was strictly on us. I was responsible for what kind of human being this sweet smelling, cooing, and loving little soul would become. It was overwhelming.

    My first responsibility was to my child but once we left our bubble and went out into the real world, I realized that there are a million different ways to be a mom and how could I know for sure that my way was the best way? Keep the baby alive. That was my mantra.

    Those first few years of motherhood felt like a constant “do I cut the red wire or the blue wire?” situation.

    Only the ramifications were much worse than a simple explosion, I could ruin an entire human being’s life by making the wrong choice.

    Okay, who thought it was a good idea to let me leave the hospital with this baby? I want to see some credentials because, clearly, they had no idea what they were doing giving a baby to me. Breathe!

    I didn’t get much sleep in those days. It took a lot of time and effort doing the best I could and even more time comparing myself to other moms, not because I thought I was right but because I was sure I was doing it wrong.

    By the time we started Kindermusik classes at 9-months, because a mom at the pediatrician’s office gave me a crazed look when I told her that my baby wasn’t taking any classes, I couldn’t get enough of what other mother’s had to say about the subject of motherhood. I wanted to be the best that I could be for my daughter so I was open to anything but there were so many conflicting parenting techniques. Every mom I met seemed to have a handle on parenting her child and still I felt like I was floundering, now more than ever.

    Every other mom seemed to be better at motherhood than I was in those days. 

    I took mental checklists in those days. Breastfed. Check. Tried to anyways. Had problems producing and used an SNS to help. Check. Drank all the Fenugreek. Failed miserably. Check. Formula. Check. Bad mom. Double Check.

    I used disposable diapers. Check. Never used a binky but she could not be parted from her lovie. (Still can’t.)Check. Co-slept. Check. Never stopped. Double check. Rolled over at 3-months. Check. Rolled right off the bed. Double Check. Bad mom. Check. Sat up at 5-months. Check. Started crawling at 7-months. Check. Crawled backwards. Check minus. Started talking at 6-months. Check. Started walking at 10-months. Check. Never wanted to leave my side. Check. Frequently woke up during the night while teething and demanded the Wiggles. Double check. I let her because the crying at 3 a.m. was killing me. Bad mom. Check again.

    But every mom I met seemed to do everything just a little bit better with a little more ease and looked a lot better doing it. I met several moms who went back to work and had amazing careers and parenting seemed effortless while I, on the other hand, was completely overwhelmed, always tired and looked the part. The only thing I knew was that I adored my daughter and there was nothing I wouldn’t do to be the best parent possible to her. Really, I think that is how every mother feels.

    Motherhood is hard, no matter who you are.

     

    We’re just scared to let the other mothers know that we don’t know everything, it’s not all easy and some parts we don’t like or even understand. We pretend it’s easy because we don’t want to be labeled the “bad mom” the one who doesn’t know what she’s doing or worse, the one who is breaking her perfect child. It’s our biggest fear.

    I’d like to think in times of true need, we would all rush to one another’s rescue. As I’ve moved past the new mother stage to the mom of elementary school aged children, I realized the truth and that was that we are all exactly the same. We’re all just trying to do our best and it’s hard for all of us at times. Some parts are easy for others and some parts are harder but in the end we all just really love our babies more than we know how to handle. We all just need to give one another a break because if we helped one another out rather than compared ourselves or judged each other, we’d all be happier and better moms. You’re not alone. We all make mistakes. Just keep loving your baby and doing your best.

    When is a time that you felt at the end of your mommy rope and another mom came in with a kind word or action and made your day better?

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    This post about motherhood is sponsored by Similac. I was compensated for this post but all opinions are my own.

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