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The TRUTH About Motherhood

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  • 10 Things I Know To Be True About Motherhood

    10 Things I Know To Be True About Motherhood

    Today,  I welcome my friend and fellow blogger, famously Mom sexy, Mary, of  The Mommyologist.com. She’s about to blow the lid off the best kept mom secrets you never knew you needed to know. She shares with us an intimate assortment of parenting wins and fails in her poignant post 10 Things I know to be True about Motherhood. 
    Mary inspires me with her positive attitude and her advocacy of the mom sexy movement. I visit her blog and she reminds me that I can still be sexy even if I am a Mommy and that as a mom, it’s OK to still want more for ourselves beyond loving and raising our children. Her blog is positive, relate-able and uplifting. If you are not already a follower of Mary, join the conversation and get your mom sexy back! Thank You Mary for sharing you Truths about Motherhood.

    10 Things I Know To Be True About Motherhood

     
    1. Even when they come out of a pint-sized butt, farts are still farts, and they still stink. You can’t disguise a fart with a cute tush.
    2. When it comes to being a mom? Karma’s a real bitch. I’m totally paying for every remark I made before having my son about parents not being able to control their children in public. I obviously didn’t know shit about kids then. And maybe I still don’t.
    3. I’ve pretty much accepted the fact that I will not get a good night’s sleep for the next 15 years or so. Even on my “alone” nights, I still toss and turn wondering what kind of hell my kid is dishing out to the grandparents. But of course, he always sleeps perfect for them. It’s because they have better snacks at their house than I have here. I just know it.
    4. Motherhood has made me understand 100% why people get divorced. The end.
    5. As my child gets older, I start to fear homework from school more and more. Not because I’m worried that he will have too much of it, but because I’m worried that I won’t understand it. Isn’t there an Iphone app for homework help?
    6. I realized one major truth about motherhood about two weeks after I brought my son home from the hospital. Apparently, I’m not running the show around here anymore. I got fired from my job as Princess the day he was born. I’ve been trying to get my position back for the last five years, but they’ve got a new hiring manager and she’s totally threatened by my ass.
    7. Kids generally don’t lie about food. When my kid tells me that he doesn’t want to try something because he doesn’t like the texture, it’s best just to let it slide rather than having that particular food regurgitated all over my shirt. I hate doing laundry, so I’d rather just let him eat pretzels and call it a night.
    8. I knew I loved wine before I had a kid. But now our love affair is hotter than ever. Having a kid totally sealed the deal for my affection for all things vino.
    9. Even though I’m the queen of Mom Sexy, I know for a fact that I will never be as hot as I was on my wedding day. And I’m okay with that. At least I’m not hungry anymore, right?
    10. Perhaps my biggest truth about motherhood is that even though being a parent is challenging and not always picture perfect, it’s made me who I am today…and I know that being my son’s mom is who I was meant to be. Even when nothing else in my life makes sense, that little boy gives me the swift kick in the ass I need to realize that things have a way of working out how they’re supposed to. Trying to mess with fate is never a good idea. And that’s the TRUTH.

  • Motherhood~The Bigger they are the harder they fall

    There are lots of things about Motherhood that we are never told beforehand; like how truly horrible transition labor feels, how a person can actually go 24 hours without sleep because a newborn requires almost round the clock feeding, how such a tiny person can hold your heart in their tiny little hands, how elating and exhausting motherhood really is, or perhaps what becoming a Mother entails physically, emotionally, and mentally. I’m sure that no matter if they had warned us, the warnings would have gone unheeded and fallen on deaf ears because we simply could not have been capable of wrapping our brains around such terrifying notions, speaking for myself at least.

    Motherhood; expect the unexpected

    For all the things that pregnancy and Motherhood have taken away or changed about me, it has replenished with boundless amounts of gifts from life like the delight and joy that the true smile of my daughters bring to me, the pride that swells within my chest knowing that I helped make such an awesome little miracle,  the unconditional and endless love that my heart provides for these children, the feeling I had the first time I held my daughters in my arms or the first time my child called out “mommy.” The way it feels when you can kiss their booboo’s and make the whole world right again. Such love and trust is an awesome responsibility, it both humbles and scares the hell out of most of us.

    Motherhood:expect the worst & hope for the best

    Still, there are some things that pregnancy and Motherhood changes about ourselves that we can’t help but miss.  For example; our sanity ( have I told you that I sometimes talk to myself asking how I got here ( this point in my life where I can’t rationalize with a 2 year old and am almost to the point of tears?), our short term memory ( I personally now have the attention span of a fruit fly), our hair ( between pregnancy hormones and then the stress of raising my munchkins…well, all I’m saying is thank God my hair grows like weeds. I am not exaggerating. The other day my husband cleaned out the vacuum and it looked like someone had vacuumed up a chinchilla!), our figures ( ass, thighs, belly, stretch marks…everything shifts and realigns…reshapes itself) , our hygiene ( who has time for a shower? And if you do….who has time for make up and shaving?) . All these things, I can forgo. But everyone has a breaking point… Mine is my boobies!
    This is where I draw the line. I always had a great pair of lovely, perky, firm, round boobies! I mean I was pretty famous for them. People would come from miles around to look upon them. Yes, they were that fantastic! Then, I had my girls! Oh yeah, I tried to granola Mommy it and breast fed. Come on, we all want to do whats best for our children. No one told me! No one told me what breast feeding does to the twins. La Leche league needs to add a disclaimer : May cause boobies to relocate further south than once thought possible. You know the old adage the Bigger they are the harder they fall….I am proof positive someone was talking about boobies when they said that! I went from perkilicious tatas to looking like some Yummy Mummy out in the African jungle. Not cool! I specifically invested loads of money to know Victoria’s secret to keep the girls in their northern glory. But there is no fighting Mother Nature, that bitch has my arch nemesis gravity on her side! Fickle bitch. Now,what was once my shining glory has been reduced to what I can only liken to as utters. So,  here I sit feeling such love as I watch my gorgeous little girls as they sleep like little angels. Then I look down( about 5 inches lower than before) and though I know this is a battle scar that I should be wearing with pride…like a lost limb or a bullet wound from war, I am looking with inquisition. Wondering just what the hell I have to do to rectify this situation. The girls use to be for fun, like a cute pair of heels…nice to look at and fun to wear but never did you really ever put any real mileage on them. Then they became for function and now they look like they have been rode hard and put away wet, like a pair of your favorite running shoes. Poor babies boobies, don’t worry..Mommy’s going to  restore you to your former glory with a little help from Mr. Plastic surgeon and Ms. Victoria’s secret. Of all the things I lost, I miss my boobies the most!

    Motherhood; the bigger they are the harder they fall

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    My Daughter Turned 18 and Graduated – Now What?

    Deborah Cruz
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    Happy Throat Punch Thursday to all who celebrate (shhh! I know there’s a lot of you.I saw your DMs)! I’m here to announce that Throat Punch Thursday is coming back, baby! This Maycember shit is for the birds and personally, I’m glad it’s just about over. But, bitches I was harshly and disrespectfully scathed. The […]     Read More
    StayPineapple

    I Found Chicago’s Best-Kept Secret: Why StayPineapple Is the Dog-Friendly Hotel That Will Ruin Your Own Bed Forever

    Deborah Cruz
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    There’s something magical about finding a hotel that doesn’t just accommodate your stay but enhances your entire travel experience. As a mom who’s stayed in countless hotels across the globe, I can confidently say that StayPineapple Chicago isn’t just another place to rest your head—it’s a destination in itself that’s capturing the hearts of Gen-Z […]     Read More
    Shot of a young woman looking sad while holding a teddy bear in a bedroom at home

    I Never Held You, But I’ll Always Love You

    Deborah Cruz
    0
    Every year, I dread this day because I never know how I’m going to feel. Am I going to be functional? Am I going to be in the fetal position? Will I feel a certain type of way? Or Will I cry? Will I break shit? Will the day pass nonchalantly? I think that’s the […]     Read More
    Shot of a young doctor applying a band-aid after injecting her patient during a consultation in the clinic

    Born Between 1957-1989? Your Measles Immunity Might Need a Boost

    Deborah Cruz
    0
    As a mom who’s constantly juggling appointments, school pickups, creating content, and keeping everyone healthy, I never expected to find myself rolling up my sleeve for a childhood vaccine again. But that’s exactly what I did last week – getting my second MMR vaccination as an adult. Yes, I got an adult measles booster shot! […]     Read More
    Little boy looking out of the window

    The Cruel Reality: ICE Targeting Immigrant Children for Deportation Under the Guise of “Welfare”

    Deborah Cruz
    0
    As the daughter of an immigrant and a mom, watching Immigration and Customs Enforcement (ICE) agents conduct so-called “welfare checks” on unaccompanied immigrant children makes my blood boil. What’s presented as concern for child safety is revealed through internal documents to be something far more sinister: a coordinated effort to deport vulnerable children and criminalize […]     Read More
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  • Fashion Haul Friday ~ Karen Kane

    Fashion Haul Friday ~ Karen Kane

    Karen Kane, Fashion Haul Friday, Fashion Friday

    Fashion Haul Friday ~ Karen Kane This week’s fashion find is a Reversible Faux Fur Vest by Karen Kane. If you’ve never heard of Karen Kane, you are missing out, mamas. Karen Kane is high quality, reasonably priced fashion. Forget the big stores we are used to frequenting, like Target and Kohls (not that I don’t love them but I want some place to shop for JUST me not the whole family), think boutique. Think being the hottest mom in the drop off, think Karen Kane!

    Karen Kane

    How Hot is this Karen Kane Faux Fur Vest?

    I received this in the mail and couldn’t wait to wear it  but where to? I was over thinking it. But it was so beautiful that I didn’t want to wear it just anywhere.Then I remembered to live for today. It’s like fine China, you spend an entire lifetime looking at your China through the glass door of your China cabinet but wouldn’t it be more fun to actually use it? I decided that I wanted to wear this beautiful gray faux fur vest today and I did. I put it on with a well-fitted, long sleeved t-shirt, a pair of jeans and my sweater boots. I reported for room mother duties in my daughter’s classroom feeling put together and cute, instead of hiding behind a ponytail, dark sunglasses and yoga pants. That in itself was an awesome feeling. The vest is generously cut and if you are on the smaller built size you may want to actually purchase a size smaller than you usually wear. I happen to be very well endowed upfront and the vest closed perfectly.  I also love the fact that it is reversible because you can change your entire demeanor with the switch of your vest. If you are feeling a little more rocker, switch it around so that the fur is on the outside’ pair it with the incredible turtle neck paired with the vest in the photo and a pair of well-fitting skinny jeans and of course a pair of hot 5 inch heels. This is definitely a piece to help rescue you from sweat pants purgatory.

    Karen Kane

    Karen Kane; Redefining the Mom Uniform

    Features:

    A fabulous faux fur vest that can top off any outfit. Turn it inside out to completely change the look of the vest. You’ll love how easy it is to create so many outfits using one simple piece!Details include: • Faux Fur • Raw edges and seams • 95% Polyester 5% Spandex • Available in gray and ivory • Imported • Dry clean

    I am currently in love with this vest. It is my new favorite piece. It’s warm, fuzzy and chic;perfect for the cold winter ahead. It’s also perfect for sipping wine by the fire with your favorite snuggle bunny. Not only has Karen Kane made my heart skip a beat with this collection, they will make you fall in love with them too because Karen Kane is generously offering a $100 gift certificate to one of my lucky subscribers to use on any piece you want on the Karen Kane website. What would you choose? Buy yourself something sexy to wear for Valentine’s Day. They are also extending a 25% discount for all of The TRUTH about Motherhood readers; good from January 13, 2012 to February 13,2012. Just use the promo code TRUTHFULMOMMY!

    There are a few mandatory rules that you must adhere to enter the giveaway: 

    Mandatory: Leave a comment for EACH mode of entry you choose to employ for the Karen Kane #giveaway in the comments below the post

    ( you do NOT have to enter the number of entries each one is worth because Rafflecopter will figure that out. I.e. You only have to write one entry comment for writing a blog post about the giveaway).

    *Important Mandatory entries

    ( if you don’t do these, you will NOT be entered)

    1) MUST RSS or Email SUBSCRIBE TO The TRUTH About Motherhood ( GFC doesn’t count) 2) Must Like the TRUTH about Motherhood FB page 3) Must Like Karen Kane FB page. Fill out the rafflecopter survey below and it will guide you through all the various ways to enter.  Good Luck!


    a Rafflecopter giveaway

     

    *Disclaimer: Karen Kane is providing the gorgeous prize for the giveaway and provided me with the product to review. The opinion expressed in this post about Karen Kane is my own honest review of the product.

     Karen Kane; New Year, New You

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  • You Know what they Say About Making Assumptions

    You Know what they Say About Making Assumptions

    This is not the post that I meant to write today. I meant to write about my family road trip to Boston. And I want to be that person who just let’s things roll of her back. I really do but it’s Monday and I’m not accustomed to being called out and belittled for having an opinion. I’m all about respectful, intelligent debate but name calling is for children not intelligent adults.

    See, way back in 2009, I started my blog. I called it The TRUTH about Motherhood because I was right in the thick of Motherhood and it seemed to fit my voice and where I was in life. I just wanted to write.

    A friend of mine who worked in traditional media said that the wave of writing was moving to online and to get work, I needed an “online presence”. Hell, I had been neck deep in babies for the past four years, I had no idea what that even was and God knows I didn’t have the time to write about being a mom because I was too damn busy actually being a mom.

    The first year was a joke. Seriously, I had no idea what I was doing. I had a few goals 1) develop my “online presence” whatever that was 2) when the kids napped or slept, write, write and write some more because I love to do it. It is how I process. I basically just copied essays that I had jotted down in a notebook for the girls about their childhood 3) to capture all the cute, funny, quirky moments of motherhood and document even the not so pleasant ones so I could appreciate the good ones and if I could help just one mom feel like she wasn’t alone, I’d be happy.

    What happened that year was relocation across country that I never documented other than the original drive to Richmond to check out the city. I was too busy living to write about it. Then, things went to shit and my husband was downsized and we had to move home (blessing in disguise our home still hadn’t sold) in a blizzard.

    We were quickly running through our money and afraid of what our future would hold with a toddler and a preschooler. The Big Guy (because my husband is 6’5” in case you didn’t know where the reference came from) took a job in another state because it was the only one he could find doing what he does and he made the sacrifice to work to support us and we all made the sacrifice to be apart 5 days a week. It was the worst 2 years of our lives. In those 2 years is when I really started to write.

    You remember when you were in your teens and you were “in love” and there were so many ups and downs and drama and all you wanted to do was write poetry? Yeah, that’s called being inspired by your misery. I was going through a hard time and I had lots to write about. That’s where I found my people, moms who blog. I never understood what a “tribe” was until I found one as an adult. It’s more than a clique, it’s a group of people who support one another through good and bad.

    I know bloggers are just regular people. I’m not delusional and don’t think they are actual celebrities but they care enough to get up and interact with the world by sharing their experiences. This meant a lot to me because at the time, I was hours away from any family and alone with kids. I needed someone to talk to, especially since my husband wasn’t there.

    When you interact with people on such a personal level, I’m not talking just sharing recipes and diaper war stories, I mean the real stuff like marital issues, fertility issues, raising your child and feeling like a failure issues, feeling ugly and vulnerable and raw, the bonds are real and you see what’s on the inside (well, at least what they allow you to see). I have a tendency to have no filter so what you see is pretty much what you get.

    I know that sometimes I am dorky, funny, boring, annoying and sometimes my stories are deep or interesting or shocking, sometimes they are well written and sometimes I am half-asleep or writing through the hardest moments of my life and it’s hard to type through tear filled eyes and ugly cries. Sometimes they are completely irrelevant to you and that’s okay because they are written for my children and me. You see it’s been a long time since I started blogging to become a writer. That has come to fruition. People actually pay me to write. I love my job. I am happy.

    My blog is not perfect by any stretch of the imagination and neither am I. My hair is never perfectly coifed and my clothes are occasionally stylish but I am a tired mom who spends the bulk of my time trying to raise happy, interesting children, while maintaining an open and honest relationship with my husband and sometimes, I write on the Internet.

    My blog is real and it is flawed, like me. I cuss on my site and sometimes I add too many commas. I am educated and not a hot “mommy mess” who loses her “mommy cool” at the drop of a hat. I do however have my issues, so I can see where the jump to full on emotional train wreck could be an easy one.

    I don’t blow smoke up people’s asses nor do I befriend people solely for their social media stats because none of that matters to me. What matters to me is what kind of people they are on the inside and how they treat me. It’s not about who is the coolest or hottest blogger, not for me anyways. I’m not trying to sleep with them. I want someone who can relate to me.

    As bloggers, we have a little bit of the real estate expertise from https://www.williampitt.com/search/real-estate-sales/fairfield-ct/. Change can come in all shapes and sizes, a charity campaign to raise funds for clean water, to bring awareness to pediatric cancer, to help someone through a shared difficult situation like a miscarriage or a medical diagnosis that might be hard to face alone. Online communities hold our virtual hands through all of life’s events, if we reach out and want it.

    My friends that I have met online are not virtual. They are real people. They have lives, families, jobs, interests and situations outside of the Internet but the Internet is our meeting place.

    I wrote this in case you are new here or you forgot who I was. Make no mistake, I tell my truth on my blog and I welcome friendly, intelligent debate. I have a lot of opinions, I know they are not the only ones but I won’t debate you with name-calling and tantrum throwing. I just want to write my blog, share my story and tell my truth.

  • Mommy Truisms; Everything You Ever Wanted to Know about Motherhood

    Mommy Truisms; Everything You Ever Wanted to Know about Motherhood

    Mommy truisms ~The truth, the whole truth and nothing but my entire truth. I wish someone would have told me the truth, but I’ m sure I wouldn’t have believed them if they had tried! But no more, I refuse to further take part in the vicious cycle of perpetuating the myth of constant Motherhood bliss by sharing my brutally honest truth about Motherhood!

    • When receiving your epidural during transition labor (first of all, if you are  in transition labor..you’ve missed your window of escaping the ordeal pain free), you certainly do not care what the consequences are of an epidural mishap. Chronic migraines? Possibility of paralysis? Death? Bring it on, at that point anything was better than the pain of my labor!
    • Looking into the eyes of your newborn for the first time is, indeed, a Godlike moment filled with spirituality and you better believe it will change your life forever.
    • A baby changes everything is by far the most honest and underestimated advertising slogan of the century; of all time! Hell yeah; Pregnancy changes everything!
    • No penis ever blacked a fetus’ eye! I promise you, it doesn’t happen ..no matter what your husband wants to believe!
    • Sometimes giving into whining, screaming and tantrums is an absolute must. Do not feel like a failure! Do not beat yourself up over it! Let it go! Serenity now!
    • Mom’s Night out is imperative to your sanity! Do it! Everyone will be happier, your husband will get lucky, and the kids will be glad Mommy has pulled the grouchy stick out of her ass! Trust me, I learned this the hard way!
    • Alone time with your husband is an absolute necessity for the survival of your marriage! Don’t feel guilty, if it weren’t for the love that you two share, those kiddies wouldn’t be here. Love your man, love yourself, love your life and you will be capable of loving your children even more.
    • Sometimes a large glass of wine, after the kids go to bed, is what needs to be done to help you decompress enough to move past all of the chaos of the day. Don’t feel guilty! Keep that damn bottle chilled and when you really need it, uncork it, and sip it until you feel all warm and fuzzy inside and all the shit (literal and metaphorical) from the day falls off of you..like a nightie on your honeymoon.
    • Stay at Home Mom(SAHM) is the most underpaid, overworked, 24/7 job that a woman can ever undertake. It will let you know what you are really made  of. It’s the only job that will take you from the throes of hell to the gates of heaven within a 24 hour period and sometimes simultaneously.
    • Mommies who work outside of the home, they have double the work. We SAHM Mommies may be envious at times because they get to leave the house for a few hours, but then they have to deal with the guilt of leaving their children plus come home and do what we do all day…in 4 hours. So, cut each other some slack, its hard all the way around. There’s no getting around it; raising healthy, happy, intelligent,independent,  socially responsible humans is a lot of hard work! But I believe its worth it because in the end, no money can substitute for what a random “Me Love you MOMMY” feels like. That is priceless!

    What are your mommy truisms?

  • The Blogger Crisis

    The Blogger Crisis

    I’m Debi and I’m an old school blogger. I started blogging 6 years ago ( well, it will be on May 7th). I’ve seen blogging change a lot.

    I’ve noticed a definite trend in blogging lately.I’m seeing blogger “midlife” (of the blog) crisis happening almost daily. Everything that is old is new again. Or at least this is what I’ve seen happening; quit blogging, start a new blog and then make a come back….when you never really left. I’m kind of missing the days of self contrived press releases about being lost in the dessert and rescued by your childhood boy scout leader.

    I guess “quitting blogging” is a euphemism for “2 week hiatus” and “new blog” is what’s “on trend” these days. I’m not making light of the desire to quit blogging or feeling like you have stayed past your expiration date, the struggle is real, y’all. And of course it’s easier to start a shiny new blog than to try to restore the old one. That’s expensive and a lot of work.

    Hell, I understand wanting a do over. Man, I started my blog way back before I knew bupkis about SEO. When I started blogging, I had one objective and that was to write. I wanted to share my stories with other moms so they knew they weren’t alone in this craziness that is motherhood (because, it is CRAZYTown all the way.)

    blogger, blogging, midlife crisis

    Then I made friends and built a community because I loved what I was doing. I was making connections by being me. Sure my photos were not professional caliber and I didn’t know shit about what sizes to use and this was way before Instagram, Vine or Pinterest existed.

    It was me blogging alone at night after the babies went to sleep and in between constant wakings. Co-sleeping was simultaneously awesome and killing me( especially the random head-butts it the middle of the night). I didn’t sleep a lot in those days but I craved the human interaction that blogging brought into my solitude life of new motherhood. You guys kept me company for two entire years while my husband lived out of state for work. You ladies (and gentlemen) saved my sanity and probably my life. YOU made it all tolerable and I survived.

    Back then, I used Twitter like a phone and those 140 characters were my battle cry to whoever would listen. It was my mom 911. I made so many amazing connections; personal and business. There were no concerns of tweeting out links. Hell, I never even considered it. That was absolutely shitting where you ate. I would never text my IRL friends my links 3x plus a day and I would certainly never talk over their tweets or hijack their hashtags for my own benefit. In my defense, I’m not an asshole nor did I know what the heck a hashtag was.

    Facebook was for sharing my posts, if I remembered but mostly it was for connecting to my readers. It wasn’t me virtually shouting ,”Look at me! Read what I wrote! Validate me!” It was, “Hey, so-and-so did the baby sleep through the night? How is the potty training going? Hey, you, if you need me, I’m here!” It was fun. It meant something. It was something I looked forward to. It was definitely not bugging strangers to play Farm games, JAMBERRY and poking people. HOW RUDE! I took social media and applied all the rules of real life to it and it was a beautiful thing. It worked.

    People commented. We had conversations. I commented. I cared. You cared. We were invested.I craved to know their stories; their real stories. They felt safe enough to say something more than, “True.” I devoured the struggles and the triumphs. When I commented, I felt that it meant something to the person on the receiving end other than just traffic. It felt like community and friendship.

    Then money came into it. Money is good and getting paid to do what you love is probably the best job that you can get. For a long time, I was naïve. I still didn’t notice traffic like I should. Hell, I didn’t even know how to check my traffic until Jessica told me to put Statcounter on my site. I had Google Analytics but I had no idea how to use it.

    Then more money came and more jobs! Oh the writing jobs. I couldn’t turn any down. I just couldn’t believe someone would pay me to do this. I got to stay home with my girls, write about it and get paid. What??????

    More jobs came. Then traffic goals became a thing. My free time was no longer free and soon, I felt like in order to be a good blogger I was becoming a shitty mom and that brought guilt. I decided I couldn’t live with myself in that state. My priority is to be the best mom I can be to my girls and wife to my husband but I want to be fulfilled personally too and it shouldn’t all have to be exclusive. I want to be happy.

    By this point, I depend on my money. More money, more problems and all that shite. I found myself having less and less time for conversations and engagement. I started scheduling social and realizing that all of those amazing women that had gotten me through the lean years began to fall through the cracks. I still craved the conversations, the connections; the friendship. I missed every single one of you.

    Then I became one of those assholes who checked her numbers constantly. I tweeted links a lot. I shared links on Facebook, Instagram and Google+. I pinned my posts and shared to Tumbler and even Linkedin on occasion. To be fair, I’ve always shared other people’s stuff too but I just didn’t get to read and comment like I wanted to. I shared it so that I could come back to it. My intentions were good.

    I was writing everywhere and I began to feel like the Truthful Mommy train was over saturating the market. I’m sure you all got sick of me and I know that you knew that you could find me anywhere so why bother coming to read me on my actual website. It was too much.

    I lost touch with many of you because I had so many deadlines and not enough hours in the day. It wasn’t fun anymore, it was a job. I was working really hard to build something but I’m not quite sure what it was that I was trying to build. I lost myself in the middle of my journey.

    I’m not quitting my blog to reinvent myself. I’m addicted. I’ve been doing some face-lifting. Last fall, I changed the website. It’s not The TRUTH about Motherhood anymore…it is now simply just The TRUTH (because it’s not been just about motherhood for a very long time) I’ve learned that I need to organize so that I can actually spend quality time really engaging again. I’ve realized there is no shame in admitting that my blog needs some work done under the hood. I also know that some things are worth the price, this is one of them.

    I’m going to pass on the Blogger Midlife crisis. I like my husband a lot, I need to give my girls more of my time this summer and I want to keep focusing on my health journey. I want to get back to writing because I love it. I want to have conversations with you. I want to surround myself with my tribe and I want us to grow together. I want my posts to be to the point where sometimes you’ll read 1355 word post and not mind because it meant something. I want us all to get lost in our stories. Who’s with me?

    Disclosure: SEO was not considered once while writing this post. This post will never go viral because people don’t share like they used to. I don’t care because I enjoyed “talking” to you this morning. Let’s do it again soon.

     

     

  • Sisterhood through Motherhood

    I have been receiving a lot of wonderful awards from my awesome readers. I just wanted to let you all know that I  do really appreciate them. I’ve just been so busy lately with all the craziness of the summer that I have not had the time to follow the rules of the awards.I have been posting them on my award page ( go see for yourself..I promise I have), and trying to thank everyone personally. If I missed you, I am truly sorry. I know there are questions to answer and awards to pass on. Being that I am so back logged, I am going to try something different..so here goes. First, I would like to post a little something for some special ladies that I have the pleasure of reading and being read by. But we will get to that in a moment. Then I will share with you some of my absolute favorite bloggy goddesses. In addition to that, since I have seriously lost all the instructions to the various awards, I will answer any and all questions that you may have about your favorite dispenser of the truth. So,if you have any questions about me…please leave them in the comment section and I will answer them.

    I would like to give this badge (that I completely made up myself because I wanted something special to give) to some very special women….You! Your blogs and comments have made me smile, cry, lifted me up, inspired me, moved me; your sisterhood has made me feel like I am not alone in this crazy world of Motherhood. This is a sincere and totally from the heart testament to the community of sisterhood through Motherhood that I am trying to perpetuate.  There are no rules, all I ask is that you consider what the meaning is behind this badge, place it on your side bar (if you’d like), and if you have a Mommy blogger that you think deserves it..just give it to her and tell her what her blog means to you! Happy Mothering, my dears!


    Here is a list of fantastic blogs to visit listed by title.


    Niki @ My Fantabulous Wonderful Life
    Kristen @ Motherhood Uncensored
    Jana @ Boobies, Babies, and a Blog
    Preyl @ Parenting Ad Absurdum
    Heather @ Dooce.com
    Amanda @ Chasing Twins With Louboutins
    Naomi @ Organic Motherhood with Coolwhip
    Resisiting Perfection
    Unofficial Mom
    Adelle @ Ready, Go, Get Set
    Reflections of a Noncommittal Housewife
    Casey @ If the Crown Fits
    Donda @ My Husband Misunderstood when I said I was bi
    Ericka @ Alabaster Cow
    Laura @ The Purse Blogger
    Kimi Jo @ Motherhood Unsettled
    Robin @ Your Daily Dose
    KAE @ Anchor’s Away
    The Simple Life
    Ree @ The Pioneer Woman
    Shius Out of Her Mind
    Shell @ Things I can’t say
    Michelle @ Mommy Loves Stilettos
    https://absolutelynarcissism.blogspot.com/
    Laina @ Reflections of a Navy Wife
    Becky @ From the Kitchen of Mrs. Bettie Rocker
    Alice @ Finslippy
    Rage against the Minivan
    https://www.kellehampton.com/
    One Savvy Mom!
    Mocha Momma
    Elizabeth @ Writer Revived

    There are loads more of wonderful reads out there so if I missed you it doesn’t mean that I think less of you, it just means that my Mommy brain is running rampant again. Everyone of you who reads this blog truly does make my days feel less isolated.You make a difference in my quality of life. I feel I have found a community in you and you have one in me.To my friends that I’ve actually met in person, I may not be able to give you a badge or an award for your blog but next time I see you I’ll give you a hug and know that I always carry you with me in my heart. Thanks for the love. Now, commence with any questions you may have about Truthful Mommy!

  • Mom Matriculation: The Hardest Part of Motherhood

    Mom Matriculation: The Hardest Part of Motherhood

    Estimated reading time: 7 minutes

    Mom matriculation. Have you heard of this? No? Yeah, I just made it up. Its definitely the hardest part of motherhood. It’s the culmination of the letting go that begins with senior year and just when you think its at its hardest, graduation, you unlock a new, unfathomable level of mom heartbreak… college drop off day. Bella is ready to launch but I’m not ready to let go. I don’t know if I ever told you guys the story of how I was supposed to go to Boston University, but,  about 2 weeks before I was supposed to leave, 4  little words from my dad stopped me dead in my tracks, “See you next summer.” What??? Immediate failure to launch..

    I had never even spent 1 single night away from my parents because in Mexican culture we just don’t do that. Due to our strong multi-generational family ties, family is not only a big part of who we are,  it’s everything.  My dad’s words had great emotional power over me, in fact, more power than anyone else’s. Not in an intentional manipulative way, its just that his words have always landed like concrete on my heart. His opinion always mattered, and still matters, the most to me.  I’ve always held a tiny grudge about this. But that was all before I was the parent having to let go of my own, precious child. Now, I definitely get it, but,  I refuse to do that to my girls. Even if it kills me, in the process. 

    I thought it was all overkill, until I got my first pangs of impending mom matriculation.

    Due to this particular incident, and knowing how it completely altered my timeline and changed the trajectory of my life, I swore I’d never say or do anything to hinder my own children’s flight pattern. But again, that was before I knew what I know; that was before I was the parent in the scenario sending my own precious child off into the world, alone,  without me. 

    Fast forward to 10 years ago,  when my oldest nephew was heading off to college, a “mere” 65 minutes away from home. Back before I realized that whether it’s 25 minutes or 65 minutes or 12 hours away,  living away from your child is actually the same distance in mom miles because out of your house means out of your house. Your child is no longer bounding through the house, randomly hugging you and asking for a Starby’s run while blasting Swiftie or Megan thee Stallion, while you all sing to your heart’s content.

    I vividly remember my nephew going away to college, instantly regretting his decision and my brother and sister-in-law immediately agreeing to pick him up  and bring him back home, regardless of forfeiting his athletic scholarship.  Absolutely without hesitation, they agreed. In my naivate, I was actually disappointed in their decision ( as if it were any of my business) and really couldn’t understand why they hadn’t encouraged him to stay a little while longer. 

    None of the baby books warn you about the pain of college drop off. No one warned me that launching my child into adulthood would feel like part of my own body was being ripped away.

    When I started Purdue University,  a ” mere” 3 hours from home, I remember in those first few weeks sitting alone in my dorm room feeling that it was the winter of my discontent. Wishing someone, anyone,  would come to my rescue and demand I return home. But that never happened and, in the end, everything worked out. I learned how to navigate life without my parents, eventually became adult-ish and had a terribly good time doing it. After the situation with my nephew, it reaffirmed my belief that I would “never” do what my brother and his wife did. Big words from a mom of elementary schoolers. That was before I was the mom of a college freshman about to matriculate herself out of my orbit. 

    If you thought labor and delivery was the hardest part of motherhood, hold on to your Lulus because the mental anguish of letting go makes child birth feel like a cake walk and that’s coming from a woman who did it unmedicated.

    Bella decided last spring to defer acceptance to her first choice college and attend a private liberal arts college nearer to home her first year. She realized after several college visits that she prefers the intimate vibe of a smaller campus over a huge bustling one. She decided that she wanted 1 more year at home. I greedily accepted her decision. The school happens to be 25 minutes from my front door. Then, she decided to live at home this year, instead of on campus. Again, I greedily and whole-heartedly accepted her decision. Next year, she has every intention on transferring to her first choice. In fact, it’s already being carefully planned and coordinated with that prestigious university. They are happily awaiting her transfer and, barring any unforeseen circumstances, 356 days from today she’s fully spreading her wings and flying away. 

    Those of you who have already survived mom matriculation, the hardest part of motherhood thus far, and are letting go when every single cell in your body wants to hold on for dear life… you are so strong.

    I know many of you have dropped your babies off at college in the past couple of days and weeks and have driven away sobbing as you bravely left your hearts on campus. I’ve been watching your posts and feeling those pangs of motherly heartbreak right along with you, mostly for you. But now, something strange has started to happen, I’m getting very overwhelmed and feeling very anxious in anticipation of my impending turn to let go. Fuck, I really don’t want to. ( I’m only saying this here because I can never utter the words “Don’t go” that my heart is screaming inside my head.) Just as I’m sure,  none of you wanted to. I wanted to be cool about all of this but I’m realizing that I’m probably going to be the uncoolest about  it. 

    This Friday is move in day for students living on campus at Bella’s school and also, the matriculation ceremony and banquet for freshman, kicking off a weekend long “welcome to campus” extravaganza. While Bella is not moving on campus, as if graduation itself was not the signal of the end… the matriculation ceremony is here to put a fine point on the fact that your child is no longer yours but almost, completely autonomously their own. 

    So while she’s still technically here, she’s really there. I know that just like on the day she was born and everything changed, on Friday everything changes again and in 356 days… everything changes forever. No matter how tight my mama heart wants to hold on to the most precious thing in my world, I know I have to let go. And at a time when all I want to do is hold her closer and cling to her more tightly (maybe more than ever), I have to gently push her away with a smile and encouragement, while convincing her that I’m fine and it’s all going to be amazing, because for her, it will be and that’s all that matters right now. 

    College drop off feels sort of like we’re heading into this weird parent-child purgatory where we’re both growing, letting go and being let go of, it’s by far the hardest part of motherhood.

    Then, I’ll have to hug her, a hug that I know will need to sustain me for weeks or months (this child of mine, who I’ve hugged and kissed several times a day since her existence, who I’ve shared everything with) and I have to release her as mine as she runs towards who she’s meant to be. And I have to do it with grace and unconditional love because this is about her, not me. This is the beginning of her beautiful journey. Then, I’ll have to drive away leaving my child behind, seeing her walking towards her future in the rear view mirror as I become more of her past than her future. If this isn’t the hardest part of motherhood, I don’t know what is and I don’t want to know.

    Mom matriculation, the hardest part of motherhood, college drop off

    This starts Friday. I can already feel it. I’ve felt the pangs and waves of letting go all summer. I don’t know how I’ll survive my mom matriculation, especially, since I have to do college drop off this Friday, then again next August and then again the following year for my youngest. I know I will survive. Because now I know, living 25 minutes or 12 hours away from your child is actually the same distance in mom miles because in your heart is in your heart and no amount of time or distance can separate the bond between a child and their parent. 

    No matter how near or far she flies away, I’ll always just be a phone call, text, car or plane ride away and this is how we survive college drop offs and new beginnings, her and us…mostly us. This is why I smile for her while my heart completely breaks for me. This is how we survive the hardest part of motherhood… the letting go. 

    I’m seriously thinking of starting a mom support group for middle-aged, perimenopausal moms who’ve had to send their children off to college and are trying to survive the letting go. If you want in this mom matriculation posse, let me know. We’ll get through this college drop off, suffer being left behind next chapter of our lives together. Freedom is not what its all cracked up to be. Why didn’t the baby books warn us about this bullshit?

    If you can relate or just love following along, as I head off into the motherhood unknown, please like, share and follow. 

  • ….And Then I BECAME a MOM!

    ….And Then I BECAME a MOM!

    Today, I have the pleasure of having one of my favorite people and a fantastically talented writer, my great friend, the lovely Laura Willard of A(n)(Un)Common Family guest post as my final guest in my month long 2nd year blogiversary celebration.

    “And while being a mom is a huge part of who I am – the part that changed me in ways nothing else could, that made me get in touch with an inner soft side (one that could actually cry!), the part that suddenly realized what true, unconditional love actually feels like – it’s not all that I am. There’s more to me, even if it’s far less adorable than my kids.”

    Laura’s blog is about motherhood, marriage and how she has evolved over the years while maintaining the woman she was before the kids. It started with child adoption and she touches on just about every single issue a mother or woman can face. She shares her soul and knowledge all with a twist of a wicked sense of humor. I love her and so will you. You can also find Laura on Twitter. Thank you Laura for sharing your Truth about Motherhood. On a side note, if you are planning to adopt a child, you may also want to include open adoption in your options.

    And Then I BECAME a MOM!, Laura Willard

    I need to get a few things out of the way before I start:

    (1) If I didn’t love Debi, I’d hate her for putting me at the end of a month-long lineup of fabulous bloggers that humble me. I mean, really? I have to follow those ladies?! Have you been reading this month? They are ah-ma-zing.

    (2) I have no free time. Washing my hair is a luxury. Okay, fine, I probably wouldn’t wash that shit regularly even if I had time, but you get the point. Free time = premium. Still, when Debi asked me to post here, I was thoroughly honored, even though I can’t keep up on my own blog, because I was asked by an amazing woman and mom that I’m proud to call my friend (and pillow-fight-in-lingerie buddy for BlogHer, but that’s for another post..).

    Debi embodies what women and mothers should radiate – support, love and honesty. She doesn’t sugar coat the journey that is motherhood, she doesn’t BS and she doesn’t hurt.

    And she’s beautiful – inside and out.

    Okay, now I’m ready to share MY truth about motherhood

    Fine, I don’t have one.

    You caught me with my pants down.

    (Gross. I know. I’m scared for you.)

    I didn’t have a vision for motherhood.

    I married my husband when I was very young. I wasn’t quite drinking-legal yet (we won’t talk about how long I’d actually been drinking at that point). He was eight years older (no, he didn’t have money and no, I didn’t have a crappy home life). I knew he was The One, and I was right. Ten years later, he’s still The One.

    (It’s okay. Go puke. I just did.)

    I always knew I wanted to adopt my kids and when I told him while we were dating, he said, “Cool. That sounds good.”

    So after we were married for six years and after I’d finished law school, we started the process.

    I was in control of my life. I was smart. I was calm. I had life by the balls.

    And then I became a mom.

    It rocked my world. In the best way possible. But it was rocked.

    I became a parent to a child that had an entire life’s worth of experiences before he came to us at 10-months-old. A lot of work, over one year of entirely sleepless nights and physical and emotional stretching that I didn’t know was possible, occurred during the first year. But I figured it out.

    And then 14 months later, I became a mom for a second time to a child whose immediate medical needs made mine look boring. And whose personality was the opposite of my son’s. So I went back to the drawing board and learned how to mother from scratch.

    I’ve only been at this motherhood gig for three-and-a-half years. And yet I’ve learned more than I did during seven years of “higher education.” Would you like to know what I’ve learned?

    (Of course you would.)

    Not as much as I thought I would have.

    Just when I think I know something, I learn something else that shows me that I didn’t quite know everything.

    So I suppose I do have a few truths about motherhood. Motherhood teaches you something new every day. It humbles you to no end. Sometimes it stretches you so far you think you might break. But you don’t. And it fills your heart with unconditional love.

    *P.S. Laura, you are amazing and I already loved you hardcore but after this post, I must say..you made me weep a bit:) What a wonderful  way to end this series!XOXO

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