The first thing I read this morning was a piece by my good friend, Jessica Gottlieb, Which came first the Anxiety Disorder or the Blog? Her post really resonated with me in a lot of ways but the most important takeaway that I had was the realization that I need to live more and blog less. This is nothing new. I have known this for some time now. Hell, I know that I need to back the fuck away from the computer and get out of my head and into my life. I need to unplug and it has never been as evident as it is this summer. (more…)
Search results for: “school shootings/ https:/www.target.com/c/kids-back-to-school/-/N-5xtyp”
Dealing with Blogger Mommy Guilt?
Things that Go Bump in the Night
I used to be an old pro at parenting my girls alone and basically living without another adult in the house, most of the time. I hated it. My husband lived in another state 5 days a week. It was awful. Remember the bald spot that sent me into a tailspin at 3 in the morning? Good times! (more…)
Why I Forbid Our Daughters from Sleepovers at Other People’s Houses
Sleepover, we don’t need no stinkin’ sleepovers!Yesterday, I came across a kerfuffle on social media about sleepovers and slumber parties, of all things. Apparently, if you won’t allow your children to attend sleepovers you are deemed an overprotective crazy person, which I find funny especially in the day and time of the helicopter mom. It was even brought up, what, pray tell, will these insane women do when those children go off to college some day? Worse still, how will these poor deprived and helpless children survive on their own when left to their own devices at university? (more…)
Throat Punch Thursday ~ The Answer to Obesity is Fat Shaming Edition
Well, if you think the world is going to hell in a hand basket because of the obesity epidemic, you don’t know about fat shaming. There is a new method to the madness, scientifically backed, fat shaming! WooHoo because what more does a fat girl need than a little fire set under her big arse to motivate her to lose the weight.
What a crock of bullshit. I have been a skinny girl and I have been a fat girl and fat shaming does not help. The only purpose it serves is to shame the overweight person and make them feel bad about themselves.
Is Fat Shaming the Answer to Obesity?
A prominent bioethicist, Daniel Callahan, is proposing a new push for what he says is an “edgier strategy” to promote weight loss: ginning up social stigma. Edgier? Is that bioethicist code for douchier? Because that is what I am hearing.
Daniel Callahan, a senior research scholar and president emeritus of The Hastings Center, put out a new paper this week calling for a renewed emphasis on social pressure against heavy people — what some may call fat-shaming — including public posters that would pose questions like this:
“If you are overweight or obese, are you pleased with the way that you look?”
Sure because I’ve never met anyone who was overweight and who was happy about it. There are people who learn to be comfortable in their own skin, which is awesome, but I don’t know too many people who set out to be obese, well, with the exception of that crazy woman who wanted to be the fattest lady in the world and end up dying of heart attack.
Callahan outlined a strategy that applauds efforts to boost education, promote public health awareness of obesity and curb marketing of unhealthy foods to children. This I can get behind.
But, he added, those plans could do with a dose of shame if there’s any hope of repairing a nation where more than a third of adults and 17 percent of kids are obese.
This is where I think he loses his mind. Does he expect us to shame kids? Because there is no way anybody in their right mind could believe that shaming a child can cure obesity. It can cause body issues, it can cause eating disorders, it can even cause suicide but it will not make a kid want to lose weight and it will probably cause a mama to want to beat the asshole who makes her baby cry. I know if anyone ever made my kid feel bad about themselves, they would have me to deal with and it wouldn’t be pleasant.
This guy may be smart when it comes to bioethics but he doesn’t know squat about helping obese people and children losing weight. Ever heard of a bed side manner? He gets a throat punch with a side of roundhouse kick to the head for being an incredibly insensitive douche canoe.
Forget Fat Shaming, Let’s Practice Moron Shaming
My Cervix Went to the Gynecologist and All I got was this Xanax
My cervix and I had my yearly this morning. I kinda hate it because I have an abnormally deep cervix and so they have to use the world’s largest speculum and push really hard and they call in interns to show them my really deep cervix so that they can marvel at how deep I am. I lie there twiddling my thumbs, while 17 strangers marvel at my vagina, praying that my landscaping job was up to par, as it is now on display. It’s awesome. Who wouldn’t be ecstatic to do that?
Mommy Moment Monday~ Girls Day Out
Last week, was hard to find my Mommy Moment. Bella was having a particularly bad Saturday. I told you all about the depression and bullying last week so I won’t rehash it but, needless to say, she needed some extra love and attention from her mommy.
It gets so easy to reprimand and tell our kids to behave. We sometimes forget that even though they are not toddlers any longer and tantruming because they can’t verbalize, they still have moments where they cannot find the words. We still do this as adults. We have a feeling or an emotion that just overwhelms us and we don’t know how to ask for love, patience, understanding or space and instead we lash out. I know I do.
Bella is only 7 and I think she did a pretty good job of telling me what was wrong. Don’t get me wrong; I had to work for it. I had to ask every question 7 times and in different ways. We were both sitting in my office crying for so many reasons. The thing I am proud of is that I didn’t quit. I will never give up on my children. My faith in them is like my faith in God, unwavering and is born of a love and devotion that cannot be taught but comes from within. A mother’s love runs so deep for her children that it comes from her very root and is tethered to theirs.
In the end, I was rewarded with my daughter telling me what she was feeling. She spoke to me words that broke my heart for the pain she was in, for the knowledge that she felt so overwhelmed at such a young age but it made me aware. I sat there and listened and I hugged my child and told her that it would all be all right because I will do everything in my power to make it so.
This was a mommy moment for me.
The next day, we had a girl’s day out. It was silly and frivolous. We went to lunch at the mall and had Panda Express, the girls’ favorite. We ate it in the food court. I never do this because I don’t enjoy it but they do. So we did on that Sunday.
I took them to Children’s place and we window-shopped and then we bought fun new boots and kids jewelry. Not anything we needed but something they wanted just because. Some times we need to do things just because. There doesn’t always need to be a reason. I want to teach my girls responsibility but I also want them to know that some days you just need to do what feels good, you need to take care of yourself and you are worth it.
We walked around the mall talking and the girls giggling non-stop. I love the sound of their giggles more than just about anything in the world. We did frivolous things like smell every single scent of hand sanitizers, and I let them help me choose which flavors to buy. We went o the candy shoppe and bought jelly bellies in the flavors of their choice. It was just a handful but it made them so happy to pick what they wanted, to be heard and considered; for their opinion to matter.
Another good mommy moment.
Then we drove home with the windows down, singing Christmas carols at the top of our lungs. Giggles filled the backseat and my mommy heart was happy because I KNEW they were happy and enjoying childhood in those few hours. There was no obligation of schoolwork, rehearsals or cleaning their room. I had no dinner to cook, no deadlines, no house to clean, no bills to worry about just me and my girls having a day out, just because.
When we pulled into the drive, both girls nearly jumped out of the moving car yelling to their dad that they had “the BEST GIRLS DAY EVER!!!” and I was happy because they were happy.
Mommy moments happen when we are not looking because we are always looking for our shortcomings. Take a moment to focus on what you do right. You are a good mom. Hope you will link up this week.
I’m having an issue with Linky tools right now. I can’t wait to read your mommy moment.
What is one of your favorite mommy moments?
Prayers for the Krim Family
This has been an awful week and now the Krim children have been brutally murdered by their nanny. I am emotionally and physically spent. The events of the week have usurped me of all that I had to offer. I had planned on writing something light and funny today but his week was so devastating that I had not one but two Throat Punches and, to be honest, I could have had a dozen. There is just so much horror in reality these days. I read about no less than 5 children who were killed this week or whose bodies were found and it scares me to death, and it makes me afraid to raise my children in this world.
The latest tragedy, as many of you have heard, is that of the Krim family.
By all accounts, Marina and Kevin Krim were living the dream. Good marriage, good life, and great kids and then something went terribly wrong. A horrible person did a terrible thing that has changed the Krim family forever. My heart is breaking for these parents. I can not even write words to convey what I am feeling for them. I’m not rehashing the gory details of what happened to the Krim family last night. That is not what this is about. What this is about is the fact that there are so many parents losing their children, in so many different ways. Children are killing children and children are being murdered by complete strangers and even by loved ones. We never know who we can trust. But as parents, we do the absolute best we can for our children. We love them and we hope they grow up. And we pray that they turn out okay.
I wrote this week’s Throat Punch Thursday post about what happened to Autumn Pasquale at the hands of Dante and Justin Robinson. I expressed my sorrow at what had happened to this child, my sympathy for the mother of the boys who committed the crime and empathy for what she had to do in choosing to do the right thing and turn her boys in. I certainly think the boys deserve to be punished. They killed someone’s child and I expressed that very openly in my post and then I read the Facebook comments. I was shocked and appalled at how people were reacting. In a moment in time when two sets of parents had lost their children, when the world needed to show compassion and sympathy, the comment section showed blind hatred, judgment and racism and,quite frankly, ignorance and now I read that people are speculating and judging the Krim family in their darkest hour.
People are making these same blind judgements with half the facts and little to no compassion in the Krim case. Leave them alone. Pray for them. They are in pain. These parents lost their children. Life has been irrevocably altered and shattered for the Krim family. The grief of losing a child is deadly. It makes you want to stop. It makes you want to die with them. You are not in your right mind. You are forced to grasp at the only shred of normalcy that you can find because you will never be normal again. You are now damaged and your heart will forever be wounded beyond repair. It doesn’t matter how or when you lost your child, this wound is the same. You are broken. So, o all the assholes out there saying..”check out your nannies more thoroughly”, “Spend more time with your kids” “be a better parent.” I say, Shut the fuck up to those people! Because anything any one of you are thinking of blaming on these parents of these children, they have already thought it. They have already tried to find reason in this horrible thing, where there is absolutely none. They did the best they could. We can not protect our children from every single thing or crazy person that the world throws at us. Try as we may and believe me we all try. This could have happened to any of us. We can not control the world.
So tonight, I am not asking for throat punches or revenge or punishment or a pound of flesh. I am asking for prayers for parents, for peace in their heart for the courage to carry on when no parent should have to. Pray that their children’s souls are at rest. Pray for the family left behind to suffer the wound, that they may someday once again know peace in their hearts. Pray for a better world to raise your own children and pray for the strength to know better than to pass judgment on parents who are in so much pain that they can barely breathe.
Tonight, my prayers are being lifted up in the name of the Krim family and if you are of the praying kind, I hope that yours are too.
photo credit: ulisse albiati via photopin cc
The Day I took Away Santa Claus
The Day I Took away Santa Claus~ This Christmas season has been craziness, wrapped in chaos, and tied up with a big bow of peppermint flavored stress over here these days. I know what you are thinking; its the holidays.It’s like this for everybody. Suck it, Truthful Mommy! Stress is a primary part of most Christmas traditions. And I do realize that along with being the “most wonderful” time of the year it is also fraught with balding stress ( for me anyways)What you’re not balding? Well, then obviously I am more stressed than you.I win!Score!
Santa Claus; You’re outta here
I am no more pitiful than the rest of you or inundated with any more responsibility. But, this week is not a good week for this Mommy to have so much on her plate. This Mommy is trying to recoup emotionally and psychologically, not to mention physically, from the last month.Add to the mix a healthy dose of exhaustion and cramps and there you have it; Mommy needs a rest preferably without the side of sass.
I find myself teetering between thinking my girls are the best thing since Ding Dongs were invented and quite possibly the spawn of Spongebob ( you know adorable to most but ever so annoying that you’d just like to bash your head into the wall?) Anyways, most of our days start off with good intentions then they wake up and dawdle ( like real life, slower than molasses dawdling. It requires a concerted effort on their part!) then they get dressed and eat even slower than that. Then trying to wrangle them into their hats, gloves, scarves, coats and boots must burn at least 500 calories.I’m exhausted before we even leave the house.
Santa Claus; You better Watch out
Then I drop of my 5 year old and she is adorable with her kiss kiss ” Love you Mommy” and wave.My ears perk up a bit.Then my 3 year old is absolutely freaking cuteness for the next 3 hours,usually singing songs, randomly bestowing hugs and saying “Me love you Mommy”.Then its pick up time.Then hell breaks lose. Trying to wrangle tired, hungry kids back into the car is worse than trying to get the out the door. Then there is whining, loads and loads of whining.We discuss our plan of attack for the afternoon, then somehow between the ride home and lunch, they turn into someone else’s children. Someone whose children I’d like to be able to send home!
Today, sometime in that time is when it happened. Seems the Santa threats and now even the kneecap busting elves are of no consequence. Instead, these two, seemingly innocuous to the naked eye, girls are taunting me, ignoring me and defying me at every turn.Pick up your room! NO!Finish your lunch!Nah!Stop hitting your sister!Complete silence, in observation of what an apparently stupid asshole I am for thinking they are going to listen to anything I say!Today, I told them, ” If you don’t behave for the rest of the day, Santa won’t be coming to Grandma’s house!”( They hire a Santa to come visit the girls at their annual holiday party) My 5 year old went on about disobeying me and my 3 year old looked me in the face and said( all exasperated like) : “Me know! Me heard you!No Santa!” And that was the moment that I realized that I had lost all credibility with my girls.My threats have become idle.They called my bluff.So, even though I didn’t necessarily want to…I canceled Santa. I took Santa away from my girls.*(Hangs her head in shame)*. I don’t think they believe I will follow through but little do they know, in the heat of the moment I texted the Big Guy and there will be NO Santa at the party. They will know I am serious on Saturday when there is NO Santa HoHoHoIng.Of course,that is assuming they make it to the party. They may be sitting home learning a lesson! We will see what tomorrow brings!
Santa; Where for art thou Santa Claus?
What threats have you made that you had to follow through with even though you may not have wanted to? How do you handle it when your kids completely ignore your requests to cooperate and behave? Would you go as far as to take away Santa Claus?
Live Like A Lorax
How do You Live Like A Lorax?
What are you planning on doing with your children to help save our planet? Can’t we all stand to be a little greener? I KNOW we can in my house. Sure I take steps to be kind to the earth but when I get too busy or things get “inconvenient” all the “Green” goes out the door. This Earth Day, I am re-committing to taking some steps (with my children) to be kind to the earth. Are you? (more…)
Throat Punch Thursday ~ Illegals are NOT Okay Edition
Calling people illegals is dehumanizing
” Illegals” are not okay~ Earlier this month, the Charlotte Observer published a story about the birth of Tommy Arias, the first baby born in 2012 in Charlotte, North Carolina. The article sparked an outpouring of hate from some readers.This really gets me hot because another beautiful brown baby was born a day later, my nephew, and I don’t understand how something so precious could incite racism? How could the birth of any baby ( black, white, brown, purple, green, yellow) spark hate? The hate came from the color of the baby’s skin and the assumption that the parents were illegal immigrants, prompting an explosive use of the term illegals or the i-word for polite society.
The entire immigration situation in the United States has been ridiculous for quite some time now. I am Mexican. I am a first generation American. My father was born in Mexico. Just because my father is of brown colored skin does not give anyone the right to assume that he is in the country illegally or to call him derogatory names such as illegal, wet back, Spic, Bean eater, illegal aliens (WTF, we’re not from outer space) and all the other wonderful names that people come up with for Latinos nor does it give people the right to comment so heinously on a newborn baby. I don’t give a flying fuck where you fall on immigration legislation. People are not inanimate objects, they have thoughts and feelings and they can hear your words and be hurt by your actions, even when you think they don’t understand. Believe me, they do understand. English is taught in the schools and not as an elective, as a requirement.
Here’s what happened. A photo of new mom Lucero Arias, 19, and baby Tommy, was published along with the article, which did not reference Ms. Arias’ immigration status, or national origin. The piece, however, did mention that Tommy’s grandfather called from Mexico City. How asinine is this? My children’s grandfather calls from Mexico on certain occasions at certain times of the year because he’s retired and that’s where he goes when it’s cold. Besides, would there have been such an issue if baby Tommy’s grandfather had called from Spain? Italy?Australia? Germany? Japan? Africa? I’ve got news for you, we were all immigrants (unless you are a native American) at one time in our history. Some of us just got here sooner than the others. But make no mistake, we are all descendants of immigrants; illegal or otherwise. We are not all “illegals” and no one deserves to be called by that name.
“illegals” is derogatory and hurtful
That was enough for the comments section to fill up with anti-Latino, anti-immigrant rants, causing the Observer to shut down commenting for the article. The paper also added this note: “Comments have been disabled because of repeated violations of site policies. Please refrain from profanity, obscenity, spam, name-calling or attacking others for their views.”
They had to disable comments because of all the venom that was being spewed about a baby who happened to have a Grandfather who called from Mexico, really? Do people just wait for any excuse to hate other people? It’s like a license to treat people like inanimate objects because they are Latino. Not every Latino is Mexican, and not every Latino is here undocumented, and not every Latino looks Latino so you should probably watch what ignorant comments will be coming out of your mouth because we come in all different shades; including white.
According to Observer readers and Drop the I-Word supporters, the attacks included the derogatory i-word and “anchor baby” slur. Jess George, the Executive Director of The Latin American Coalition, wrote the Observer asking them to Drop the I-Word. They didn’t drop it, but they published the letter, which also sparked hateful reader comments, including these: Way to be an asshole Observer!
” … When kids see lawbreakers get away with their crimes they think they can as well and kids know what illegals are. There IS a difference between Human Rights and US Citizens Rights … “
“Thats right. When an illegal takes a job, he displaces a citizen. When the citizen collects unemployment and goes on food stamps, we pay. This is just one hidden cost of employing illegals.”
“… The way to stop “stereotyping” is to have no illegals here, only legal Latinos. Where could any U.S. citizen sneak over a foreign border and expect a free ride?”
The incident is worrisome, as Charlotte, the city with the largest Latino population in the state, and host for this year’s Democratic National Convention, has also seen a rise in anti-immigrant, ant-Latino bullying. In a span of two weeks at the end of 2011, at least seven cases of anti-Latino bullying in Charlotte public schools were reported to the Latin American Coalition.
The term “illegal immigrant,” which many journalists are having a hard time giving up, is not too far of a stretch from describing people simply as “illegals,” which the Associated Press, New York Times, and the Observer itself have deemed pejorative. Both terms are dehumanizing and further the concept that a person’s being can be illicit. “Illegal immigrant” is not even legal terminology; the Board of Immigration Appeals does not use it, and neither does the Supreme Court. It’s not constitutional or precise language not only because the term convicts people, denying due process. But also because people are never found by courts to be “illegal.”
Can we please stop using this insulting term? How about Latinos? Mexican Americans? Mexicans? You wouldn’t use the n-word, don’t use the i-word. Humans should not be reduced to being called “illegals” it implies that the person is breaking the law by their very existence. It’s derogatory, it’s mean and it’s not going to be tolerated any longer. Throat Punch to anyone who thinks this term is ok. Throat Punch to anyone who uses it. Throat Punch to anyone who can hate a child for the color of it’s skin. Throat punch to the human who can not recognize the humanity in the eyes of another human, even if those eyes are dark brown and happen to belong to a Mexican.
Hope you will link up your Throat Punch Thursday posts with me. I wanted to extend a personal invite to all of you to link up any posts in which you air a grievance, call out any asshatery,or just dole out a well deserved throat punch to one of societies shortcomings or political douche canoes. If not this week, I do it EVERY single Thursday and would love for any or all of you to join in! All you have to do is grab the Throat Punch Thursday button ( listed under the “about” tab at the top of the page), put it in your blog post and link up. If you’d like to stay in the Throat Punch know, I’d love it if you would email or RSS subscribe ( as GFC will stop working soon). People are no more illegals than they are felloniouses, unconstitutionals, or forbiddens ( do you see how stupid the misuse of these words truly are?)
Just say no to the term Illegals