The TRUTH About Motherhood

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Mommy Truisims ~ Moving Edition
Mommy Truisms; Moving Edition ~I’ve learned some hard truisms over the span of my short tour of duty Mommying, thus far. But have recently been bitch slap reminded of a few truisms that I had tried to forget. Moving/Selling a house is never fun.I’ve had the pleasure of moving 3 times since my Ella was born in 2005. If you’ve ever done the frequent moving thing before, you can attest to the fact that I am not stretching the truth when I say it’s as trying as walking up hill in the blistering sun, only to have 1 step up be 2 steps back and you can NOT quit. Frustration is the understatement of a lifetime. So, here I will share a few moving truisms that may be helpful, in the very least amusing at my expense.
Moving Edition
- If perpetual cleaning is your idea of a good time and you have small children, you should put your house on the market immediately.Like right this moment. Seriously!
- While packing, you will “hide” put so many things up away from children, that you may as well kiss them goodbye because most likely they are in the home sellers Bermuda triangle. Rest assured, they will NEVER resurface ( case in point, the Vivitar digital cameras I bought the girls for Christmas 2009. Where are they?I don’t know.Oh ,yeah…BERMUDA FRICKING TRIANGLE.)
- Apparently, leaving your “Nads” in your sink drawer is a bad idea. No one wants to by a house from a monkey woman.Go figure. This also applies to your medicines. Nobody wants to know your flavor of sick or crazy. Turn those labels around or throw them in your purse on the way out.
- If you have “personal” items requiring batteries, a plastic tote is not the best storage spot for it unless you like inappropriate smiles from your realtor. Also, if you “hide” it under the bed, be sure to remember to “find” it before the movers do. Also, come on, you should know better you have kids:)
- Shitty diapers left in the garbage do not a house sell. Don’t test this one. Just take my word for it.
- If your house went on the market in the middle of blizzard weather and on the day you have a showing scheduled it is unseasonably warm, melting all the snow in your yard, it is mandatory that you spend the 3 hours previous to viewers arrival cleaning up and disposing of any and all dog shit mine fields that have been revealed.
- There is nothing more fun than packing up 2/3rds of your children’s toys and stacking in the garage. Oh wait, yes there is. That would be your children knowing they are there and whining for them on the regular…daily.
- When people view a house, they DON’T want to know that children or dogs have ever soiled your house. Hide all evidence of children and family pets.
Mommy Truisms ~ Moving is Hardwork
- The most angelic and well-behaved children will turn into Tazmanian devils and dirt monsters when faced with a pristine house.
- Trying to keep your house clean for showings while living with rambunctious preschoolers is as futile as trying to stay on a diet in a house made of chocolate cake, held together by frosting. It is equally as frustrating.
- Showings will most likely ALWAYS be scheduled at your child’s bed time and if they are sick, showing frequency will certainly increase.
- Finding something to do with overtired little ones, at their bed time, is a lot more difficult than it should be or you would ever imagine. Unless of course you are partial to whining, crying & over reactions…which I am not.
- Convincing a 5 year old to move and leave her school and friends is so much easier once you wear them down and they have hit their limit of missing their daddy.12 months..FTW!!
- When moving, sometimes you have to endure some negotiations with your children in the name of the greater good. For example, you don’t want to leave the house you were born in? I’ll buy you bunk beds…at the new house. You don’t want me to pack your toys up? I’ll buy you a trampoline when we get the new house. You want to be a Tazmanian devil and sweep through the house like a monsoon leaving death and destruction in your wake? I will build you a treehouse at the new house. Damn, I sure hope the new house has a big bag of money buried in the backyard.
- Baking cookies to give the house a “comfortable/inviting” smell is great as long as you don’t get distracted by your 1 year old who you spy out the corner of your eye about to leap from the coffee table to the ottoman. Burnt cookies…not so inviting a smell. Also, cooking bacon for breakfast the day of a showing…not such a great idea either. You’ve been warned.
Moving is Near Impossible with children
These are just a few. There are many, many more. What have you learned about yourself and your children while moving or trying to sell a house?
2011/03/03
The Elf on the Shelf Problem
Our elf on the shelf elves have once again arrived. Well, three out of the five have arrived. Currently, we have Ed, Analee (because someone who shall remain nameless forgot to remove the nametag…. I’m talking to you Grandma) and Rick Astly ( that bastard’s never gonna give you up! Can you say Single white Elf Male?) We are still missing Herbie Hancock and Rick (i) James (bitch!)
So you’re probably thinking that maybe I have some sort of nasty little elf on the shelf fetish or way too much time on my hands, I assure you that it is neither of those. Well, maybe I do have a little extra time on my hands seeing as I was just downsized from one of my 12 jobs. Damn, what ever will I do with all of that free time the last week of every month? But I digress, we have so many elves because when the girls were small we were moving a lot and the elves got packed away in storage lost on their way back from the North Pole! So every year, we had to replace the lost elf. Look, my mommy brain is not what it once was and I forget shit…like where elves went into the witness protection place the year before or sometimes even the night before.

Our elf on the shelf problem started with Analee.
He came in a beautiful gift box with a letter from the man in the red suit because he knew the girls were having a horrible year leaving their friends and everything they knew and moving across the country. Analee came to give love and moral support.
The next year, Analee “lost” his way to our house because we had moved back to Indiana so “Santa” sent another elf, Ed (this is what happens when Daddy names the elves) to entertain the girls while their daddy was living in Iowa for work. They only saw the Big Guy once a week and we assured them that the elf could check in on daddy each night before he went back to the North Pole and reported to Santa. Then one day, Analee found us and just showed up on the Christmas tree like a damn serial killer stalking his prey and then the two became Santa’s henchmen because we don’t tell our girls about the boogie man.
The following year, we had moved in with our in-laws because 2 years apart was too much for all of us. Unfortunately, we had forgotten our two little buddies they couldn’t find us because we had moved yet again. Enter, Herbie Hancock (he likes to rock down to electric avenue) coolest elf ever. He even has a naughty and nice placard to let the girls know where they stand. But by this time, Bella was 6 and Gabi was suspicious of that damn placard, “Mommy, why does he look like a stuffed animal?” (Because we spare our children the damn traditional scary elf on the shelf) “Because Santa doesn’t want children to be afraid” Near miss. This kid is on to us. I just know it.

Then last year, we moved into our house and it was the mass exodus of elves. They descended upon our house like locusts. Analee, Ed, Herbie Hancock, and then Rick Astly ( what a mischievous little guy he is. You never know what you’re going to wake up to.) He looks like the traditional elf on the shelf, I’m trying to throw the 5-year-old off the scent. Then she demanded to know why no one arrived in the official Santa box and you guessed it, Rick(i) James showed up a couple days later in the box from the North Pole with an official letter addressed to the girls.
So the winter of my discontent 2012 was the year of the elves (that were very mischevious). The mischievousness rubbed off on the girls and so we had to tell them about Santa’s “special” cameras that are installed in the fire alarms throughout the house. Elves were popping up in toilets and refrigerators, backpacks and boxes of cereal or not moving at all or being chewed up by crazed puppies.Kids were dancing naked in front of the fire alarms mooning Santa and blaming shit on their sister. I was still stumbling across rogue elves covered in cob webs in April.
This year we have 5 elves, 3 have arrived, 2 will be here any day I am sure of it. Oh and Gabs is back on board, since finding out that a classmate of hers had a pocket elf who has gotten elderly and now in his wheelchair talks openly to the child. No longer hiding his secret. What an imagination and guess what she prayed for that night? Her very own pocket elf, but not “an old one in a wheelchair” a regular one. Now, we have another elf to remember to displace. As of yet, he is still nameless and harmless ( no baby Jesus stealing or conga lining with the 3 kings…yet) I’m think we name him Too Short or maybe Prince Napoleon.
So to all of you who say that elf on the shelf is stupid, I say to you…stick to your guns. Our elves have played a wonderful part in comforting my girls when they were small and our lives were upside down and we all missed the Big Guy but now, the elves are running amuck and I keep forgetting where they are at night and one keeps stealing baby Jesus and eating all the Fat Boys and Mentos in the house.
I know it’s nonsense and has absolutely nothing to do with why we celebrate Christmas but I also know that my girls love their elves and look forward to their magical appearance every year. It is magic and I am not taking that away from them.
What’s your most creative idea for elf on the shelf shenanigans?

2013/12/06
How to Say No & Not Feel Bad about it
You know what no one teaches us as children? How to say NO! Sure we may say “no” for a few years in obstinate defiance as children but soon, that is beaten out of us ( not literally but we are told over and over again that it’s not nice to say no!) We are taught from the time we are toddlers that to be pleasing in word, deed and action to those who surround us. We are even urged to look pleasing. Inadvertently, we are turned into yes to people. We are taught that to say no is to be disagreeable. “No” comes with a metric ton of guilt. But what no one tells you is that “no” can be empowering. We all need to learn how to say no, not feel bad about it and carry on. Guilt is overrated. I have enough guilt from drinking the Kool-Aid that’s told me there is such a thing as the “perfect parent”, when we all know the “perfect parent” is no more real than unicorns.
I’ve spent my entire life trying to fit in. That is what society dictates. To be “pleasing” is not the same as coloring my world all unicorns and rainbows but it is also not in your face instigation. I assume it comes from growing up in a household and a society where I was told regularly to ‘be quiet” as to not rock the boat or cause discourse. Why the fuck is it so important for everyone to like what everyone else says or wants? Once I really thought about it, sure who doesn’t like to be “liked” but then I thought, if I’m always saying yes to shit I hate, it’s all a big lie anyways and no ones pleased really; not the people I am saying yes to and certainly, not me. Not to mention, saying yes can become overwhelming and you will find yourself bogged down with things that you don’t want to do and missing opportunities that would be better suited to your life. This can happen in your career, school, family or friendships.
I’m sure the people pleasing started when I was a child. I wanted to make my parents happy like all children. I wanted to feel special among the 6 children they had. My claim to “special” child was pleasing disposition and great grades. I said yes, I did my chores, I did my homework and I strove for perfection in all areas. I thrived in the praise of , “Good job, Debi!” But then it was never enough. Parental approval became like a drug and soon I found myself feeling let down and never able to meet the standards.I just kept saying yes to please people, even though I was becoming completely miserable. In fact, I found myself finding excuses to refuse offers to go or do things because I just felt like me not wanting to was not a valid reason. It seemed selfish and warranted disapproval.
Why can’t we all just have our feelings without seeking validation from others. I have friends that I love but we don’t agree on politics or religion or even the color of the sky but we are friends still; we agree to disagree. I respect them as people and I respect their right to their opinion even if I don’t agree. I like hearing their perspectives. Hell, maybe I’ll learn something or they will point out something I never even thought of. I would never want a friend who only always said yes because if they only ever agreed with what I said, I’d have to wonder if they ever had a thought of their own and if they were genuine at all.
I know all this about myself and I am trying to break the involuntary response to placate others without ever considering first what I want. Still , on a regular basis people ask me to do stuff that I don’t want to do and do not benefit me in anyway and I say yes because I don’t want to hurt feelings, piss people off or I simply have no excuse to refuse other than I just don’t want to. Saying no doesn’t make you selfish. People do huge life changing things for the wrong reason all the time because they are afraid to say know. People marry the wrong person, take the wrong career path,stay in a marriage and even have children because it was what was expected of them. That is just not a good enough reason.
Who says no because they don’t want to unless they are a two-year-old throwing a tantrum? I am an adult and somehow saying no feels petty. Who wants to be thought of as petty? I often find myself frustrated and doing something I didn’t want to do but didn’t think I had the right to say no. Why can’t I say no? I don’t want to do it. I am an adult. I have the right to make a choice. The right to refuse. Remember to consider if when you say yes to others are you saying no to yourself? I am saying no from now on when I don’t want to do something and I refuse to qualify why to others.
Last week, it just clicked for me and someone asked me to do something that I didn’t want to and before I could even think about it, I said no. I caught myself and I felt embarrassed and guilty. It was a simple request from my husband to help him shovel the snow, during the blizzard. He never asks me to but there was a LOT of snow. But I was cold and the thought of shoveling snow that was 14 inches high and still falling felt too daunting a task and I wanted no part of it.I said no and I meant it. I think I shocked him. I eventually acquiesced and we shoveled together. Thank God, it may have killed him shoveling al that snow by himself. But when I said no, you can’t believe how happy it made me to say it out loud.
It starts with little things like, “Come on try a piece of this or that, just a taste.” You want to say no but why bother it’s only a small piece but then before you know it, it’s your virginity, your career, your happiness. It’s your life. When does it stop? We get into a habit of avoiding conflict and just saying yes. Say NO. What’s the worst that can happen? You inconvenience someone else? So what. Isn’t your happiness just as important as theirs.
Forgo the guilt and soak up the giddy excitement and sheer joy that comes with saying no. It’s invigorating to say no. Now, I understand why the two-year-olds love it so much. The liberation of saying no to something that you genuinely don’t want to do is one of the most . Consider yourselves, your wants and needs before you answer and if you don’t want to do something, feel free to confidently and graciously say no. Grinning and bearing it never made anyone happy and lying to get out of things is exhausting. Feel heard and know that you should never feel afraid to have an opinion. Somethings in life we have to do, even if we don’t like them because they are what is best for us. Guilt should not be a part of saying no.
How do you say no and not feel bad about it?
2014/01/13
Understanding The Five Love Languages to Improve Your Relationships
Estimated reading time: 4 minutes
Ah, love – the great mystery of the human heart. We’ve all been there, swept off our feet by that special someone who makes our heart flutter and our knees weak. But what happens when the honeymoon phase fades, and we realize that our partner’s way of expressing love is completely different from our own? Enter the five love languages – a framework that can help unravel the complexities of relationships and foster deeper connections with our partners. So, grab your favorite latte (or a glass of wine), and let’s dive into the fascinating world of understanding the five love languages.
What Are the Five Love Languages?
First things first, let’s break down the five love languages:
1. Words of Affirmation: This love language involves verbal expressions of love and appreciation, such as compliments, words of encouragement, and affirmations of affection.
2. Quality Time: For those who speak this love language, nothing says “I love you” like undivided attention and meaningful conversations. Spending quality time together, free from distractions, is essential.
3. Acts of Service: Actions speak louder than words for individuals who value acts of service. Whether it’s cooking dinner, running errands, or helping with chores, these gestures demonstrate love and thoughtfulness.
4. Physical Touch: Physical affection is the primary love language for those who crave touch. Hugs, kisses, hand-holding, and other forms of physical contact are essential for feeling loved and connected.
5. Receiving Gifts: Thoughtful gifts, no matter how big or small, are the key to the heart for individuals who appreciate receiving gifts as expressions of love and thoughtfulness.
How Do You Identify Your Love Language?
Identifying your love language is like uncovering a hidden treasure – it requires self-reflection and honest communication with your partner. Pay attention to how you prefer to express love and how you feel most loved and appreciated in return. Do you light up when your partner gives you a compliment or a thoughtful gift? Or do you crave quality time together, free from distractions? By recognizing your preferences, you can gain insight into your love language.
How Do You Practice the Five Love Languages?
Once you’ve identified your love language, the next step is to put it into practice in your relationship. Here are some tips for expressing each love language:
1. Words of Affirmation: Send your partner a heartfelt text message expressing your love and appreciation. Leave sticky notes with uplifting messages around the house. Compliment them on their strengths and accomplishments.
2. Quality Time: Plan regular date nights where you can focus solely on each other. Put away your phones and other distractions and engage in meaningful conversations. Take walks together or enjoy a leisurely meal at a favorite restaurant.
3. Acts of Service: Take on tasks or chores that your partner dislikes or finds challenging. Cook their favorite meal, run errands for them, or offer to help with household responsibilities without being asked.
4. Physical Touch: Initiate cuddling sessions, hold hands while watching TV, or give your partner a lingering hug when they least expect it. Physical affection doesn’t always have to be sexual; simple gestures of touch can convey love and affection.
5. Receiving Gifts: Surprise your partner with thoughtful gifts that reflect their interests and preferences. It’s not about the monetary value; it’s about the thought and effort you put into selecting something meaningful for them.
When Love Languages Clash: Navigating Differences in Relationships
While understanding and speaking the same love language can strengthen a relationship, what happens when two partners’ love languages don’t match up? Conflict can arise when one partner feels unloved or unappreciated because their needs aren’t being met in the way they desire. However, recognizing and respecting each other’s love languages can bridge the gap and foster understanding and compromise. It’s not all about you. The best way to love someone is the way they want to be loved.
Communication is key when navigating differences in love languages. It’s also the key to understanding the five love languages. The Big Guy and I have different love languages but we know that. We might not always understand why the other one wants to be loved the way they do but we love each other that is the meaningful to each other. Discussing your preferences openly and honestly with your partner can help bridge the gap and find common ground; this applies to all things in a relationship. Remember, relationships are all about compromise and finding ways to show love and appreciation that resonate with both partners.
The Language of Love
In the intricate dance of love, understanding and speaking each other’s love language can strengthen bonds and deepen connections in relationships. By recognizing and embracing the unique ways we express and receive love, we can cultivate fulfilling and harmonious partnerships that stand the test of time. So, whether your love language is words of affirmation, quality time, acts of service, physical touch, or receiving gifts, remember to speak it loudly and proudly in your relationship. After all, love is a language that knows no bounds – let’s keep the conversation going. ❤️
What’s your love language? What would you want your partner to know to better understand your love language?
2024/02/14
How to Start a Blog without Offending Everyone
How to start a Blog? Hmmm, that is the million dollar question. Okay, maybe it’s not. Who cares. Just be honest with yourself and have fun. I have been writing The TRUTH about Motherhood for going on two years now. In the beginning, it was slow moving. I had NO idea what I was doing writing my blog. There were things I wished I’d known about blogging.
Back then, there were no how to start a blog books.
I knew I wanted to write but had no idea how to get my writing out to the masses or what to write. But then I got the hang of writing my mommy blog. Here’s some wisdom that I’ve picked up along the way. Not the least of which is make your follow me, contact me, subscribe to me areas very clear and easy to find. Mine is located on the sidebar and under the “About” tab ( in case you were wondering and wanted to follow, subscribe, or contact me:).
How to start a Blog without Blowing up the Joint
Decide beforehand what YOU want to write about on your blog. What interests you? What’s your expertise? What’s your niche? What can you talk about endlessly and NOT bore your readers to death? Don’t go into this blindly.Try to have some sort of direction in mind.
Choose your community.Getting a blog following is hard work. Keep writing, keep working and get involved in a community of people who you’d want to read your blog. This was a piece of sage advice given to me by one of my favorite bloggers, Heather Armstrong of Dooce. I will admit at first I scratched my head and had no idea what this meant. Then I realized, build a tribe, surround yourself with a community of readers who are reading you for the reason you intended.Retain your integrity. This is VERY important.
Me, I want readers to read my mommy blog for my writing. But you also have to interact with your audience, reply to comments, go visit their blogs. Get to know them and let them get to know you. I want to grow a community of sisterhood through motherhood.
Be honest.Be Fearless. Let your guard down.There is nothing I hate more than someone who ONLY writes about sunshine and rainbows. Yes, some days life is sunshine, rainbows and bubblegum farts but some days, most days, I’m a woman on the ledge and my kids are tantruming and pushing me to jump.
Other days, they make a grilled cheese sandwich seem magical. It’s not always pretty. If I want inspiration, I’ll go read Enjoying the Small Things. Mostly when I read a blog, I want community. I want to know that I’m not the only one whose kids still sleeps with me, that someone else’s 3-year-old is subsisting on chicken nuggets, that it is perfectly normal to not like your kids every minute of every day. I want to understand your misery and share your joy..not feel like I’m a loser and you’re a liar.Write with your heart on your mommy blog or whatever kind o blog you have. A great example of being fearless and honest Jennifer Kindhouse and JessicaGottlieb.
Make it well written. I understand that some people feel that their blog is “their” space, like a diary. To an extent, I do agree. But if you want/expect your blog to be read by a lot of people, you have to play by the rules….of grammar. Nobody wants to read run-on sentences, misspelled words or choppy, nonsensical ramblings. Believe me, I edit for a living, it’s no fun. Having tools like the punctuation checker – seo tools centre would be a huge difference-maker in your writing game.
Pay attention to how you write. It is as important as what you write. Hell, be brave use some of those big words that you learned in college and knew before you had children. You know the ones from way back when you actually conversed with other adults on a regular basis? Great examples of this would be Laura @ A(n)(Un)common Family and Fadra (Fay-dra) @ All.Things.Fadra
NO CAPTCHA! People will not comment on your blog if it’s a whole big brain teaser ordeal and optometry test. In fact, they will probably loathe you for it. Believe me, I learned this early. Thank you Mommakiss!
NO self-starting playlists! There is no reason that my ears should be assaulted by your blaring music on your blog. We probably don’t have the same taste in music. Every blogger is not the same. I don’t want to be subjected to banjo music just to read your blog.
No matter how wonderful the blog may be, I will move on ( mostly because I am already listening to my own playlist. FYI: Iron & Wine + Crambone blaring=Ear bleed for me!) Don’t do it. And yes, I have been guilty of this myself. You know there are no rules if someone has not already broken them, hence the need for the rule:) I’m sharing my hard-earned wisdom of how to start a blog.
READ ALSO: Rise of the Real
How to write a Blog without Alienating Too Many People
For the LOVE of GOD, NO AUTO REPLIES! Do you know how insulting it is to take the time to read your blog, leave a comment, get excited to see a reply in my inbox only to open it and realize that it’s a generic “thank you for commenting” response? Not cool! This may be the cause for myself and your blog to divorce. I won’t be back. How rude!
SOCIAL MEDIA! You must have a twitter @DeborahACruz and FB fan page, at the very least, if you plan on growing your blog. You must have the appropriate buttons available for your post to be shared on these venues. It is very annoying when I read a fabulous post that I want to share with the world and I have to copy and paste the url. I know it sounds absurd but trust me, make it all as easy as possible for your readers.I’d also recommend getting an instagram account and a Pinterest account. You get the picture?
Don’t be afraid to network. To get love, you’ve got to give love. Be yourself and make some comments. Meet some people. Jump into some conversations.Like some fan pages. Make some friends. Get to know some fellow bloggers. Your biggest asset to building your following is your networking skills.You can’t just write to the abyss and expect hoards of people to find you. You are the face of your brand.No one’s buying if it’s not out there on the shelf! Remember that. Write it down! I’ve met most of the wonderful people I know, and learned a lot in the process, from networking on social media sites. It’s very important to know how to utilize sites like Twitter.
Join some focused communities! Not only is this a great way to network, it’s a great place to find like-minded individuals (fellow bloggers) who will want to read your posts. It’s also a great place to hone your writing skills, get advice and build your audience. There are many great organized communities to join.
Earn Yourself a Comment Mafia! What’s a comment mafia? It means you better get your ass out there and comment on your friends’ blogs and support those ladies that you want to share a community with if you expect them to do the same.This goes back to building your community. I can not stress the importance of this one. These are the ladies who will help you with everything from a kid with diarrhea to how to design your media kit and they will RT, Sparkle, love on posts and point you in directions of opportunity. Do the same for them. Don’t hoard your success. Share what you learn.
READ ALSO: How much to Charge for s Sponsored post
There is room enough for all of us in the bloggy world.Karma baby.Put out into the world what you want back. I am blessed with a great group of women who have helped me tremendously. They laugh at my jokes, cry with me when I am sad, lift me up when I am down. I try to do the same.I’m not perfect, and we are all busy women, but damn it we’re there when we really need one another.Love my girls! You ALL know who you are and listing you would just be name dropping:) Check out my This Blogger’s Life series.
Be Proud of what you do!If you are ashamed of what you are writing or feel like you have to hide your true feelings on a subject, don’t write about it.People can detect smoke being blown up their asses and most people will feel that it’s disingenuous and they will not return.
Never try to be someone you aren’t and you must remember you can only tell YOUR story.
That’s how to start a blog

Now, that’s all the wisdom that I have time to share today but why don’t you let me know any words of wisdom that you might have. What pointers would you give a newbie if you were explaining how to write a blog?
Photo Credit
2011/03/16
Waah,Waah,Waah;Nutrisystem update week 5
Well, this morning when I stepped onto the scale, I am fairly certain that I heard a :WaahWaah Waah! Seriously, it mocked me. This morning the scale had not moved from last weeks weigh in. I am at a7.5 pound weight loss for 5 weeks. This is not where I wanted to be this week. I know that according to guidelines, I am right on track for a 1-2 pound weight loss per week. I just thought I was going to be the exception to the rule and be at a whopping 12 pound loss by now but obviously,that is not what has happened. I can not redo the past week. The only thing that I can do is move forward with a new attitude and an even bigger determination to succeed.I know exactly why the scale has not budged.It’s not like I sat around eating bon bons and drinking coke, but there was the Saturday evening that we went out for pizza and I had a piece of pizza ( regular pizza not my Nutrisystem pizza) and 2 pieces of garlic cheese bread,and where I added carbs I minused vegetables. The moment the food hit my lips, the soundbite ” a minute on your lips, forever on your hips” played loudly in my head. I knew it was a bad choice but I made it anyways and the indiscretion has weighed heavily on my success ( no pun intended). It probably also didn’t help that I zumba’d a grand total of once last week. So, the moral of the story is for the plan to work, you have to follow the plan. I strayed and so did my success. I’ve learned my lesson.I don’t want to hear that scale mock me ever again.I won’t allow it. I’ve already done my zumba this morning.The Quebradita almost killed me but it felt awesome knowing I was doing an “In Yo face” to the scale! Next time I consider that slice of pizza, I will be playing the soundbite “Nothing tastes as good as thin feels!”
DISCLOSURE: Nutrisystem is providing their program to me free of charge in exchange for my participation in the Nutrisystem Nation Blogging Program and weekly updates. I am not required to write a positive review. The opinions I have expressed in this post are my own. I am disclosing this in accordance with the Federal Trade Commission’s 16 CFR, Part 255
2010/12/07
Throat Punch Thursday~The Day Justin Bieber Almost got my Ass Beat Edition
The other morning, excitedly I grabbed my cup of coffee and jumped on Twitter, like I do most week day mornings. I could hardly stand the anticipation. I had been on a forced Twitter sabbatical the previous week, due to a back injury. A day of chatting up my tweeps ; pure bliss for a Mommy who seldom gets the opportunity to socialize in real life due to every other obligation I have to do. I was really just ready to immerse myself back into the fold of Twitter.Many of you know me as @TruthfulMommy. I am very active on Twitter and , while I was away from it, I couldn’t wait to come back. That was until Tuesday morning happened. I was jumping in and out of conversations, as I am known to do on a regular basis on Twitter. I am quite the Twitter social butterfly. When, I can tell you in retrospect, I incited one of the worst Twitter reactions I’ve ever had the misfortune of being part of. It all started with a simple Retweet of a seemingly innocuous tweet.Yeah, apparently not. What was this controversial most mind blowing of tweets, you ask? Here, be the judge for yourself.
RT: Oh & it’s Justin Bieber’s birthday. Girl, you’ll be a woman soon.
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You have to admit this kid has got the sweetest face ever.He's freaking adorable.I just want to pinch his little cheeks.
Admittedly, I retweeted it because I thought it was hilarious. I read it and it struck me funny and made me smile.The.END. Maybe it was because I hadn’t had enough sleep the night before.Maybe my sense of humor is that of a 12 year old boys. Maybe I was just in a ridiculously good mood and tweet happy.On any occasion, I did make the decision that this was RT worthy. What did I think was meant by this tweet? That’s an easy enough question. I thought it was a comment on how he is so young and sweet, practically prepubescent, and is growing up. To me, it was simply a commentary on the fact that a sweet, angel faced little boy was growing up.THAT.WAS.IT. Would I have gotten mad if I had a son and somebody said that about him? Maybe. Probably.Obviously, its not nice to call a boy a woman. I get that. But its not like the person who tweeted it was going out of their way to be derogatory or malicious and I certainly was not. (I know you are thinking to yourself “Its no big deal. Get the fuck over it!!!”) The point is that even though the original tweeter and myself may not have meant any foul, disgusting connotation be implied one of my followers did. No.I will not give you their handle. This is not about a boycott or throwing a person to the Twitter wolves.
But, this is what that Retweet earned me.
@TruthfulMommy Listen up, fool. Two weeks ago I was at gunpoint facing several cops who had a real issue with how I did womanhood. Whoa, is it just me or is someone else wondering when I started tweeting with Mr.T? I wonder if they were pitying me, too?P.S.Seriously, I don’t know why/how they ended up at gunpoint but I can imagine that was an awful experience.I’m sure that would make me a little jumpy , ready to pop of on a complete stranger, too. But how would I be privy to this information? I’m NOT your Mama.

@TruthfulMommy A lot of good people I know wind up in body bags because of shit thinking like you just displayed here. People, I had no idea!Y’all are killing each other over Mr. Bieber.That’s just crazy talk. Stop the madness. Like NOW!

@TruthfulMommy While you may think your shit is just for funsies, I assure you it is not, and it KILLS REAL PEOPLE. I really did not mean any maliciousness by the retweet. Damn, I am totally under analyzing my ripple on Twitter. Apparently, I totally am not fully aware of what a bigoted asshole I really am. By the way, can someone please tell me what exactly I was trying to imply by this RT? Anybody?Please.Bueller! Bueller!

@TruthfulMommy clean up your fucking act or get the fuck out. NOW. Well,You are following me so…. But I’ll do you a solid since you are so obviously cool tweeps, and unfollow and raise you a block!BooYAH!

@TruthfulMommy I know you by your words. That said, do not ever speak to me in that fashion. Educate yourself and learn basic respect. This was after I had responded with an apology because I TRULY was not trying to insult anyone. I merely found the original tweet entertaining and RT worthy much like all the “#Winning” and ” #tigerblood” RTs Obviously, I need to be more diligent about the twitter footprint I am leaving on the Twitterverse. I am sorry Twitterverse. I know that I am all that and a bag of Fritos but I should not pretend that I possess #AdonisDNA

and, @TruthfulMommy punches out after defending her gross gender bashing. Gender bashing? What? IS that what this is all about? Is that what they thought I was doing? Now,I’m really confused. This is what happened after I blocked them. They thought I gave up. Silly, silly tweep.My Mama didn’t raise no fools. Keep your tweeps close and keep your tweepenemies even closer!
I don’t give a rat’s ass if it is Beib*r, there are places you do not go as a cissie. Hmmm, is this person confused and thinks that I am someone that I am not.Was that supposed to be Sissy? That’s not my name.What is going on?
lost 4 followers over that mess. If you have any doubt about your ability to be a basically decent person, please unfollow me at once. Too late my friend,I’ve already gone.You’re out of my tread and soon to be outta my head.Just had to keep an eye on you for a minute or so to be sure that you weren’t planning some sort of ambush, Twitter drive by or the like.Scary shit people!

In fact, I encourage you to unfollow on genera principle. If you’re not motivated to stay, learn, and enjoy, get the fuck out now. Does anybody really need to be told twice by this person? I’m getting a whole over the top drama brewing vibe.I’m out! Peace!

and I am doubly pissed off that I had to defend a fool like Beib*r. Jaysus people, why do you have to be so stupid and hateful? So, let me understand, you are allowed to call poor little Bieber a “fool” ( not unlike you called me) but I’m not to RT that an adorable young man was growing up? Hhhmmm, which was more malicious? I think its more mean to call someone stupid than pretty. I’m just saying. But what do I know..I’m just a fool..like Justin Bieber. Wait a minute *BEEP*BEEP*BEEP* Back the truck up!Did this person just call me STUPID AND HATEFUL? Who’s the maleficent in this scenario again?
So MY Throat Punch Thursday most definitely goes to the drama inciting, twitter rage having ex follower of mine. Sorry that your Twitter tread is so light that you have to single out the one person who has a sense of humor and go into full on attack mode. I hope you get some help for that rage issue. I don’t feel the Twitterverse is a healthy place for you to be in at this point in time. I think perhaps you should know of which you speak before you actually open your mouth. You don’t know me. I don’t know you.That’s sorta the point. For you , I am pulling out the extra special Chuck Norris roundhouse monkey toe kick to the head with a side of nun-chucks to your derriere area, maybe that will help dislodge the stick up your ass.
As for the young Mr.Bieber, just let me say, YOU ARE ROCKING THE HELL OUTTA YOUR NEW EFRON DO! If I wasn’t old enough to be your Mama…
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I think Mama might have a slight case of Bieber Fever!WootWoot!

*No Biebers were harmed in the making of this edition of THROAT PUNCH THURSDAY.
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2011/03/03
Monday Minute; July 5th ediiton
Who of all your blog friends would you like to meet and/or who have you met?
I think I would like to meet Ian, Jana, Nikki, Sofia, the Purseblogger, Naomi, Peryl, Heather,Kristen, and several others. I would love to meet a lot of my blog friends, they all seem like such genuine, fun people..not like the crazies you meet in the real world:) Just kidding, my 3 real friends are awesome!!!! LOL
What kind of vehicle(s) do you drive?

A Dodge Durango and when I am really nice I get to drive the 300.
What kind of cell phone do you have?
IPHone…Oh, how I love thee!

What’s the most annoying thing you wish bloggers would stop doing?
A really annoying thing…I don’t mind when people curse because damn it to hell I do it regular. But I stumbled onto a blog that was nothing but that. It must have been their niche because it was like they were in some sort of crazy bet to see how many curse words they could fit into one post, to make matters worse, the post was of no real value. So I read all that cursing and I learned absolutely nothing:) Well, I did lose 5 minutes of my life that I’ll never get back..so that’s something. But I could have been equally as entertained if I had spent the 5 minutes with a bunch of drunken sailors:)
What’s the one thing that you still have on your bucket list to do before the year is out?
I want to be published…maybe a column would be nice:) Oh yeah, and I wouldn’t sneeze at losing that 30 pounds either!
2010/07/05
Lena Dunham and the Over Share Heard Round the World
I’ve read all kinds of posts on the Lena Dunham debacle. At first, I thought surely people were overreacting. I mean, come on, it’s Lean Dunham. She’s made her name by pushing the envelope, by making us go to those unpleasant and uncomfortable places. Seriously, did anyone want or need to see her running around 80% naked for most of all the seasons of Girls? Of course not but we watched anyways. In her own weird, melodramatic, neurotic way she is really endearing. She’s slightly annoying and incessantly talking to hear herself talk but there is something about her that makes us feel better about ourselves.

The problem with Lena Dunham is that she reminds us a little too much of someone we might know or worse, someone we might be or were or might be one day. I’m chunky, I’m pale and I do not dance around the house naked. I wish I could. I can’t because I’m so screwed up that I can’t even love my own damn body. I try, I do but I fail, over and over again. It is a battle that I can never win. In that way, I am envious of Lena Dunham. She is intelligent, articulate and obviously, pretty fucking comfortable in her own skin. I envy anyone who can honestly love themselves like that but in other ways, she is wounded ( ain’t we all).

Which brings me to the next and more pressing matter, her new book, Not that Kind of Girl. She shocks us. I think most of us expected that, right? She is the kind of person who takes the truth and shoves it in your face and holds you there daring you not to look away. She forces us to see what we might otherwise go through life ignoring, because let’s face it, sometimes it’s just easier that way. However, this time her in your face approach has gone too far. She’s tapped into something that has down right freaked people out.

Now, as someone who tells the truth on a the regular, I know that it is scary. 50% of the time, people will hate you, mock you and fear you. 100% of the time, they will judge you. But 50% of the time, they will support you and let me tell you, that support is priceless so we take the risk. Maybe they’ll read it and get to see a hidden side of us and embrace it or maybe they will see a hidden side of us and turn away in disgust and anger because we should have known better and just kept it to ourselves. Believe me, I’ve been there too. You have to learn to take your lumps like a grown up and have a mature, intelligent discussion. I try to rise above it because sometimes I might learn something, even if it’s that I knew I was right and the other person was an idiot.

I have not personally read the book (though I do want to) but I have seen out of context passages and read many a scathing piece on the book so my post is based solely on my own deducement without all of the facts. The part about a 7-year-old Lena Dunham curiously looking into her 1-year-old sister’s vagina, I find harmless. I mean seriously, she was 7. It was curiosity and thank goodness she did, she found pebbles in the kid. Has no one asked what the hell the toddler was sticking pebbles in her vagina for? It wasn’t like Lena Dunham was fingering her, excuse my vulgarity.

Then there is the part about bribing her little sister to “rest on her” or to kiss her for 5 seconds..both of these wreak of a little girl who needed affection. Her comment,
“Basically anything a sexual predator might do to woo a small suburban girl I was trying.”
I honestly, think ( I Hope) was a failed attempt at humor and all of it was taken out of context. We can all sound like monsters out of context.

The situation of a 13-year-old Dunham masturbating in her own bed, after her little sister crawled into her bed while her sister was sleeping, while not necessarily appropriate was a solitary action. She was 13, she was masturbating, that is normal. Her sister crawled into her bed, it wasn’t like she invited her into her bed and then had the little sister participate. One had nothing to do with the other.

I think Lena Dunham over shared in a big, fat, freaking way but do I think she is a deviant, child molester? I don’t but then again, I am not a psychiatrist and neither are most of the people ripping her to shreds for being honest. I don’t necessarily think Dunham did anything wrong other than misjudge her audience and her own isolation from judgment. She forgot for a minute that she is still subject to the rules of the rest of us and that fickle fans and especially strangers can turn on you, just as fast as they can fall in love with you; sometimes even quicker.

I’d love to hear your opinion but I think we should leave the diagnoses to the psychiatrists.
What do you think?
Was Lena Dunham just a curious kid or a child predator?
2014/11/05
Monday Minute
Has anyone you’ve known personally lived to at least 100?
My paternal Grandfather made it just to 100! He was an amazing man who lived on a farm in Mexico and worked it up until the last 3 years of his life. The only reason he quit, he was thrown from a horse that he was breaking and broke his hip. (Oh yeah, 97 and still breaking horses!I told you he was amazing)
What material possession do you value the most?
Obviously, being that I am my children’s paparazzi it would be photos or rather the external hard drive that my husband has put all of my 90,000 digital photos onto. Also, my Grandmother’s ancient Bulova watch from God knows when back in the day..its just a very dainty white gold watch but it is the only thing I have left of my Grandma Daisy. Oh yeah, and the baby books!
What do you think happens to us after we die?
I think our body goes to the ground or into ashes and our souls A) go to our version of heaven B) go to our version of hell C) if we still have some kinks to work out..purgatory which I think would have to be reincarnation so that we can try again to do better.Just my personal opinion.
Most embarrassing item in your house?
You’d think I’d say my “toys” but those don’t embarrass me, maybe the crazy rubber and chain getup that my husband thought would be sexxy (?) WTF? It’s pretty ridiculous. NO, the most embarrassing thing would probably be the incredibly ridiculous bathing suit with the cut out sides that my husband convinced me would be a good idea. It’s embarrassing because it looks so tragically hideous on. I think it was mis -sized or made for Kate Moss during her crack days because it sure wasn’t made for a regular sized person. The only thing that would be more embarrassing would be if there were any pictures in existence of me in it.Which there are not and will never be! od, I broke out in hives just at the thought of that.

If you could rename yourself, what would your name be?
I think I like LOLA or ZOE! I think it sounds sexy. With Debi, I always got the “Debbie does Dallas” or “Little Debi” ( talk about extremes).
2010/06/28