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The TRUTH About Motherhood

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  • Unemployment and the Family~ How to Survive it

    Unemployment and the Family~ How to Survive it

    unemployment

    Unemployment makes Beggars of Proud Men

    Unemployment is usurper of life. This morning, I woke up feeling a little nauseous in my stomach. Morning sickness, no not likely. It was that nervous feeling you get right before impending doom. As some of you are aware, it has been a hectic year or so for the Truthful Mommy clan. I was counting on a much smoother 2010, but apparently that’s not very likely.

    You see in the August of 2008, the Big Guy lost his job. It was absolutely awful and our life was shattered. Within 2 weeks, the very same company who let him go brought him back…reviving our shocked and on life support livelihoods. All was good in the world or so we thought. Poor little unsuspecting, gullible us.

    After a miserable autumn of playing financial catch up after the havoc those 2 weeks created, spring arrived. Birds were singing, flowers were blooming, friend’s babies were being born and we had a pretty wonderful spring until sometime around mid May. I can’t recollect the exact date because to be honest I sorta blacked out from the shock. Once again, the the Big Guy came home in the middle of the day and gave me the news that he no longer was employed. The company that had done this to us last August was now being sold to a competitor and they were closing the facility. That was that. No job…no warning, no problem. I mean come on, we were somewhat of semi professionals at this by now. We knew the routine..call the credit card companies, cut back the cable and phone bills, tighten the belts, blah, blah, blah, blah, BLAH!!!

    So, fool me once shame on me…fool me twice…. We lived life those days in a haze, a fog of uncertainty, not unlike that of lots of people these days. I was angry, he was angry. I cried, he drank. The kids knew something was wrong but weren’t quite sure what. It was awful..absolutely horrible. What were we going to do about our mortgage? Our health insurance? Car payments? Ballet?Preschool?Food? Oh my, it was totally overwhelming.

    After a couple weeks of unemployment, a lot of restless nights, quite a bit of getting on one an others nerves, and a big hole in our savings later, the company who bought my husbands company, like a shining knight, came to our rescue. They wanted to interview him, obviously, he accepted. Then, hallelujah, like a miracle he was employed again. It was a great thing indeed but it was not without costs.

    In order to accept this position, we had to leave our friends and family behind and relocate ,literally, half way across the country away from all that we knew. But you know, the Big Guy and I are firm believers that as long as we all have our health, are together and love each other..everything else will work itself out. We will be fine. God will provide and put us just where we need to be. With an open mind and a willing heart, we did it. We packed the girls up and moved to Virginia.

    It was completely different than anything we knew and we embraced it all. I threw myself into making friends and making things as normal for my girls as it could be. I made wonderful new friends, joined groups, made play dates, found a ballet school, a wonderful preschool, and even became an active room Mother. I was absolutely loving Virginia. For the first time in a long time, things were feeling normal. I was feeling normal and like I belonged, aside from the fact that our house back home hadn’t sold yet and we were paying two mortgages, essentially, all was well.

    Unemployment is a sneaky bitch

    After the most amazingly beautiful autumn in Richmond, and a lovely pre-holiday season, we headed home to the Midwest for the holidays. WE were greeted by lots of love and warm wishes but blistering cold and lots of snow. By the time we left, after loading a 16 foot u haul in freezing cold blizzard conditions, driving 14 hours with 2 toddlers have simultaneous meltdowns and car sickness in more blizzard conditions, imagine my happiness to be back to Virginia where it was actually above the single digits.

    I had come to accept that though I missed family and friends terribly, this was my new life and it was pretty sweet. I was looking forward to my new life in Virginia and a new home, etc. Then 8 days passed and the Big Guy was told he needed to make a appointment with the HR lady. Are you frigging kidding me!! Talk about blindsided. WTF was this nonsense? Were they giving him a special “you are so awesome award’? Because, in my mind, that better had be the only effing reason they would have the audacity to call my husband into the HR. Have I mentioned this was the third time in a little over a year this had happened..essentially at the same company!! My mind was thoroughly blown! So, he scheduled a meeting. The HR lady ran late. He waited an hour and a half, not to mention that he was about to vomit no less,and she never showed..running late. You know busy firing and laying off poor unsuspecting, thinking their lives were great, sons of a bitches:(

    Finally this morning, he got his meeting. Guess what? My dear husband has been laid off…again! Seriously, WTF!!!!! I know this economy is hard, for everybody, but seriously does life just want to see how far it can push us until we break? My sanity may truly be in question. Who does this? To be fair, the company is very remorseful but hard facts are that they have too many employees and need to cut heads..its that time of the year.They are putting together a severance, reimbursing us for the Uhaul, paying to break the lease, paying to send us back home with our tails between our legs but what I want to know is who the hell is going to give me back the last 6 months of my life?

    Honestly, I kept saying I felt like I was on some bizarro extended vacation..I chalked it up to living in corporate housing and living a pseudo existence but now I think I knew, in my heart, all along that this wasn’t going to last. To recap, I have cut ties with those at home because I had moved, now the friends I made here will slowly distance themselves from me( it is the nature of the beast..nobody likes to be too vested in someone leaving..its hard, I understand..I’ve been here before and once again I am left to pick up the pieces and rebuild my life. It just happens to be that I am rebuilding in a pile of rubble that I am familiar with.Fantastic!

    The icing on the cake, this all happens on shark week of the month that you could imagine!Wow! Life is sweet! Thanks life for metaphorically kicking the crap outta me, yet, once again!Life, I don’t know what exactly it was I did to piss you off but I think we’ve been punished enough for awhile. Can you please lay off a bit? My backside is sore from the unemployment induced, stress ass kicking that you’ve been giving me over the past few months. Sincerely, Debi

    Unemployment Sucks Balls, Big Sweaty ones

  • The House that Built Me

    I’m feeling a little nostalgic for my home and my parents. Who knows maybe it has something to do with my girls and all these firsts for them of late, the letting go and moving on a letting go some more, maybe it has to do with the loneliness and upheaval of my husband being 300 miles away on a daily basis, or maybe the fact that my Mom has been ill and I have been worried about her health…missing my Mommy. They say love makes a house a home and that home is where the heart is. I believe that. I grew up in a small house with 6 brothers and sisters, but we loved each other. It may not have been much to look at  but it was home. It is where I grew from a child to a woman. (more…)

  • Letter to Parents of Autistic Teen, Max Begley: “You have a Retarded Kid, deal with it!” Not a Hate Crime

    Letter to Parents of Autistic Teen, Max Begley: “You have a Retarded Kid, deal with it!” Not a Hate Crime

    max begley,autistic teen

     

    WTF is wrong with people? I have seen some pretty crazy shit in my lifetime but nothing compares to the disturbing letter written by an anonymous Newcastle, Ontario neighbor calling herself, “One Pissed Off Mother” urging the parents of a 13-year-old autistic teen, Max Begley, to “…take whatever non-retarded body parts he possesses and donate it to science…” Going so far as to write the words,

    Do the right thing and move or euthanize him!!!

    If you read the above letter and your jaw did not hit the ground, I’m not sure that we can be friends. When I read this letter for the first time, first I was in shock, then my heart was broken that someone would say something like this about another human being, never mind a special needs child and lastly, I was pissed off and that is where I am this morning.Hey, anonymous asshole, you are not the only pissed off mother today. I’m pissed off too. Pissed off that animals like you are not kept in cages. Let’s be clear, Max Begley has a disability that he was born with. He has no control over it. YOU.CHOSE.TO.BE.AN.ASSHOLE!!!!!!

    The even crazier part is that police won’t be able to pursue hate crime charges for the anonymous letter.

    “Despite the hateful language used … the content of the letter falls below the threshold for a hate crime,” police said in a statement Tuesday.

     

    Police are asking anyone with information regarding the case should call Crime Stoppers at 1-800-222-8477 (TIPS and they are still moving ahead with a criminal investigation. This cannot be swept under the rug. These actions were too heinous and reprehensible.

    If that is not dripping with hatred, I don’t know what is. This letter is the epitome of hatred.The one good thing to come out of this whole awful ordeal is that the community is rallying around Max and supporting his family. Tolerance and kindness are filling the space where hatred once was.

    We all have bad days. Maybe this one pissed off cretin was having a bad day. Maybe her “normal” kids were being monsters and she was trying to get everything around for back-to-school, maybe her husband’s a drunk who beats her, maybe her daddy didn’t love her, maybe she can’t find a job, maybe she’s not slept in 9 years and she’s about to lose her house and maybe she took all her frustration with the world and her life and put it into this letter, viciously attacking and wishing death on a child. Maybe she needs mental help? Even taking all of these conditions into consideration, that is NO excuse to call a child names and tell his parents to do the world a favor and euthanize their son.

    As a mother, I am appalled that any other mother would not only lack the compassion it takes to write such a disgusting letter but be so callous in her disregard for this child’s life and for the struggles of his parents. Let me be clear, this “one pissed off mother” is a C You Next Thursday in the worst way and I kinda hope her identity is revealed and the neighbors ostracize her ass right out of the neighborhood. This woman should have her children taken away and her uterus removed because she does not deserve to have children, be around children or humans; big or small.

    I am still in shock that any “mother” would ever think such things, never mind, write them down and send them to someone.Why would she think that these parents of Max Begley should take their child and move to a trailer in the woods? Just because he was born with a disability, does that make him less deserving of medical attention and love and life? He has done nothing to deserve this hatred from her other than being vocal in his neighborhood.

    This is everything that is wrong with this world. So called “normal” people wanting to lock those of us who are different away in a tower, an institution, a trailer in the woods or a deserted island hidden from the world like some kind of monsters. Just because you don’t see us doesn’t mean that we don’t exist. Just because you ignore us doesn’t mean that we don’t feel and your cruelty cuts deep. You, one pissed of mother, you are the monster!

    Anyone who can write the below line has their own set of problems beyond a autistic teen being a vocal “nuisance.”

    I HATE people like you who believe, just because you have a special needs kid, you are entitled to special treatment!!!

    They do not want special treatment. That is the entire point. They want to be treated like any other family. They want to live in a neighborhood and be a family. It is monsters like one pissed off mother who make this impossible by being cruel, unkind and lacking of human compassion and understanding.

    What do you think of this One Pissed Off Mother? What would you do if you were Max Begley’s parents?

  • Be a Better Parent Challenge – Day 25 – Get Some Sleep

    Today’s Be a Better Parent Challenge – Day 25 – Get Some Sleep
    is pretty self explanatory. We are all better parents when we get some sleep. I know its hard, if not impossible but when we are well rested we think better, function better, react more maturely.
    God knows I am guilty of not getting enough sleep ( i.e. regularly posting at 2 am) but with school starting, I’ve been forced to check my routine. There is no way I can go to bed at 3 AM and wake up at 6:30 and be any good to anyone. Plus, I am pretty sure I’d be as mean as a caged animal. So,I’ve been shooting for midnight and waking at 6:30 and it seems to be working. Now, on nights when I’ve actually gotten 8 consecutive hours of sleep, I’ve been told I am pretty damn pleasant to be around.

    #25: Get Some Sleep
    I realize that it’s not always feasible for us to get a full night’s sleep, but set your Tivo or DVR, put some projects , emails, blog posts on temporary hold, and get some sleep. It’s really quite amazing what an extra hour (or 4) can do.Happy Sleeping, my friends!

  • Mommy Truisms;the Labor Day edition

    Just a few more of my Mommy Truisms to brighten your Labor day!

    • Labor is like being stuck in rush hour traffic~annoying, boring,uncomfortable and full of anxiety
    • Delivery is like minding your own business and suddenly being kicked in the head by a unicorn flying overhead~ painful, unbelievable and magical.
    • Watching your child learn/experience something for the very first time is more awesome than winning the lottery and a lot more likely to happen in your lifetime.
    • Vaccinations hurt Mommies 97% more than they actually hurt our children.
    • Listening to what your 3 year old is trying to tell you is so much more important than any phone call, email, television show, chore~all that other stuff will still be there, your 3 year olds childhood will not.
    • Firsts are so hard because they lead to lasts.
    • The first time you leave your child alone with strangers (school, ballet, soccer, gymnastics, daycare) you will cry and feel extreme guilt~ You are NOT a bad Mommy!
    • Guilt is just a side effect of being a great Mommy!
    Happy Mothering, my friends!
  • Mommy Truisims ~ Moving Edition

    Mommy Truisims ~ Moving Edition

    Mommy Truisms; Moving Edition ~I’ve learned some hard truisms over the span of my short tour of duty Mommying, thus far. But have recently been bitch slap reminded of a few truisms that I had tried to forget. Moving/Selling a house is never fun.I’ve had the pleasure of moving 3 times since my Ella was born in 2005. If you’ve ever done the frequent moving thing before, you can attest to the fact that I am not stretching the truth when I say it’s as trying as walking up hill in the blistering sun, only to have 1 step up be 2 steps back and you can NOT quit. Frustration is the understatement of a lifetime. So, here I will share a few moving truisms that may be helpful, in the very least amusing at my expense.

    Moving, Mommy Truisms

    Moving Edition

    • If perpetual cleaning is your idea of a good time and you have small children, you should put your house on the market immediately.Like right this moment. Seriously!
    • While packing, you will “hide” put so many things up away from children, that you may as well kiss them goodbye because most likely they are in the home sellers Bermuda triangle. Rest assured, they will NEVER resurface ( case in point, the Vivitar digital cameras I bought the girls for Christmas 2009. Where are they?I don’t know.Oh ,yeah…BERMUDA FRICKING TRIANGLE.)
    • Apparently, leaving your “Nads” in your sink drawer is a bad idea. No one wants to by a house from a monkey woman.Go figure. This also applies to your medicines. Nobody wants to know your flavor of sick or crazy. Turn those labels around or throw them in your purse on the way out.
    • If you have “personal” items requiring batteries, a plastic tote is not the best storage spot for it unless you like inappropriate smiles from your realtor. Also, if you “hide” it under the bed, be sure to remember to “find” it before the movers do. Also, come on, you should know better you have kids:)
    • Shitty diapers left in the garbage do not a house sell. Don’t test this one. Just take my word for it.
    • If your house went on the market in the middle of blizzard weather and on the day  you have a showing scheduled it is unseasonably warm, melting all the snow  in your yard, it is mandatory that you spend the 3 hours previous to viewers arrival cleaning up and disposing of any and all dog shit mine fields that have been revealed.
    • There is nothing more fun than packing up 2/3rds of your children’s toys and stacking in the garage. Oh wait, yes there is. That would be your children knowing they are there and whining for them on the regular…daily.
    • When people view a house, they DON’T want to know that children or dogs have ever soiled your house. Hide all evidence of children and family pets.

    Mommy Truisms ~ Moving is Hardwork

    • The most angelic and well-behaved children will turn into Tazmanian devils and dirt monsters when faced with a pristine house.
    • Trying to keep your house clean for showings while living with rambunctious preschoolers is as futile as trying to stay on a diet in a house made of chocolate cake, held together by frosting. It is equally as frustrating.
    • Showings will most likely ALWAYS be scheduled at your child’s bed time and if they are sick, showing frequency will certainly increase.
    • Finding something to do with overtired little ones, at their bed time, is a lot more difficult than it should be or you would ever imagine. Unless of course you are partial to whining, crying & over reactions…which I am not.
    • Convincing a 5 year old to move and leave her school and friends is so much easier once you wear them down and they have hit their limit of missing their daddy.12 months..FTW!!
    • When moving, sometimes you have to endure some negotiations with your children in the name of the greater good. For example, you don’t want to leave the house you were born in? I’ll buy you bunk beds…at the new house. You don’t want me to pack your toys up? I’ll buy you a trampoline when we get the new house. You want to be a Tazmanian devil and sweep through the house like a monsoon leaving death and destruction in your wake? I will build you a treehouse at the new house. Damn, I sure hope the new house has a big bag of money buried in the backyard.
    • Baking cookies to give the house a “comfortable/inviting” smell is great as long as you don’t get distracted by your 1 year old who you spy out the corner of your eye about to leap from the coffee table to the ottoman. Burnt cookies…not so inviting a smell. Also, cooking bacon for breakfast the day of a showing…not such a great idea either. You’ve been warned.

    Moving is Near Impossible with children

    These are just a few. There are many, many more. What have you learned about yourself and your children while moving or trying to sell a house?

     

     

     

  • Hopping, Fawking & a pretty much all around Good Time!

     Happy Friday everyone! It’s that day of the week again when its time to get your socialization on! Once again, I am blog hopping like a madwoman trying to reach my birthday goal of 1000 followers by September 25th. So, if you are visiting please follow and if you already follow..thank you so much! 
    Just wanted to let everyone know that the Be a better ME Challenge is in full swing already.Please stop by and link up! We all deserve to be a priority on our to do list! So let’s get our self love on!
    Hope  you all have a glorious long weekend with your lovely families ; enjoy one another, relax,and just embrace the now! Happy Mothering!And if you are a Mommy Blogger please grab the badge to the right

     

    1.  If I didn’t have to work anymore I would…. travel the world with my family and then travel some more!
    2.  My favorite thing about a vacation is …. getting away from the minutia of my everyday;experiencing new things, people, places, and the vacation mentality…all bets are off, there are no limits.
    3.  When packing for a trip I…. pack half the house up because I have little kids, then I squeeze all of my husbands and my stuff into a carry on bag. Always over packing ( cause lets face it all I really need is a pair of shorts, t-shirt,a bathing suit,a pair of jeans, a nice shirt and a dress & undies, of course) and never actually bringing what I actually want to wear.

    4.  If I could go on a road trip with anyone (dead OR alive) I would choose…( aside from the big guy) my 2 best girlfriends; Nikki and Nicole because we would have an absolute blast  and we would go somewhere in the Mediterranean were there is loads of sun, beaches, hot men for your viewing pleasure ( as we are all married and looking is all we can do:), good food, good wine, and good friends & conversation; really what more could I ask for?

    OOPs, just saw that it said “ROAD TRIP” so same people, same, reason,  but we would go from Chicago to the west coast, enjoying some girl time, the great outdoors,  culminating in California with some good shopping and spa treatments!

    5.  My top 3 absolute travel essentials are …my iphone, my sunglasses, my toothbrush!

    6.  Vacations are … a well deserved break from every day life.

    7.  On vacation you must always  …relax, enjoy your surroundings, live in the moment, leave your worries far, far away.



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    Now for my FAWK yous of the day:

    • Fawk you to this jacked up sickness that has taken me hostage for the past week. Sure I love sounding like an old smoker, coughing up my lung, cold sweats,and general malaise as much as anyone but enough already!
    • Fawk you to my RX laced cough syrup that helps me to sleep but makes me see unicorns and ligers. Oh wait, no ..no fawk you to that!
    • Fawk you to having to “watch the money”! I just want to experience a little bit of excess of money sometime.
    • Fawk you to Irish football starting this weekend; my town is overrun with crazed football fans jamming my route to Bella’s school. Get out of my way people!
      Fawk You to the little one catching whatever I have. Sick Mommy + Sick Baby = Not a good time!
    • Fawk You to my 3 year old telling random people “You must be going to have baby. Your tummy is all lumpy!”
    • Oh yeah, FAWK ME because she said it to me too:)



  • Be A Better Me ( You) Challenge – Day 21 ~ Listen to your heart

    Yesterday’s Be A Better Me (You) Challenge- Day 20 ~Be nice to someone; Pay it forward
    is one that I plan on getting started on right away. I already let someone cut in front of me in the drop off line at school. They seemed frustrated and in more of a hurry than me so I figured, rather than getting annoyed to just let them go. Hopefully, that small gesture will make their day go a little smoother for them. It was a very small gesture, I know, but it’s got to start somewhere. Hope you are being nice to others today and paying all random acts of kindness forward!

    Today’s Be A  Better Me (You) Challenge- Day 21 ~ Listen to your heart.
    Really listen to what your heart wants. The only true key to happiness is following our hearts desire. Certainly, it is smart to follow your head, but I think total rationality is overrated. How many people do you know that go along or do things because they are supposed to not necessarily because they want to? What kind of quality of life are we having if we always do the right thing..or what is expected? Sometimes you have to be brave and follow your heart, even if it seems crazy. One of the craziest things I ever did was agreeing to marry the Big Guy after only dating for 3 months. My mind told me I was crazy if I said yes and my mind told me that obviously he was crazy for asking. I thought about it long and hard, but my heart kept drowning out the negativity of my brain. Of course I was afraid that it wouldn’t last, that impetuous leap he asked me to take. But my heart kept saying, You are crazy if you don’t take the leap. It could end in embarrassing failure or it could be the biggest and best adventure of your life. It could be your happily ever after. My heart talks a lot, just like the rest of me:) I took the chance and  it was scary for me to make such a rash decision but look at where I am  now; 11 years of marriage, 2 beautiful little girls, and more love than I could possibly have imagined. Listen to your heart, it just may open up all the hidden treasures that your life has to offer.Besides, I think our heart knows what will truly make us happy opposed to our head who only knows what society says will make us happy.

  • Be A Better Me (You) Weekend Challenges-Day 17- 19

    Sorry to those of you who have been following along. The weekend has once again gotten away from me. It’s really hard for me to spend time on the computer when I have my husband home with me. Our time is few and far between , so I have to make it count. Please forgive me. I know that you all understand! But here are the challenges that I issued for the weekend.

    Be A Better Me (You)  Challenge – Day 17 ~ Cook what you want for dinner
    Sounds simple right? I’m not sure about you but I spend a lot of time making what every body else wants, will eat or prefers. My choices usually are not even considered. I mean, I don’t cook food that I hate(I’m not trying to punish myself) but I also don’t ever say “Tonight, I’m going to make exactly what I like!” I can’t because, its not usually what the rest of the family wants. But my challenge for you is a simple exercise in remembering that you count and what you like. Pick a night and cook whatever it is that YOU like. How many times have you made what your husband likes to make dinner special? How many times have you choked down your kids favorites so they’d be happy? Probably always, right? Tonight, make what you want. If you didn’t have to consider picky eaters palettes,what would you eat? Me, well, I love sushi, eggplant and green peppers. All things that are very much unappreciated by the rest of my family. Maybe a little eggplant parm is exactly what this situation calls for in my house. What would be your dream meal?

    Be A Better Me ( You) Challenge- Day 18 ~ Get rid of a bad habit
    We all have something we do that we don’t want to do or is not necessarily good for us.  These things serve as crutches to us. I don’t want crutches anymore. I am tired of being hobbled and want to stand straight on my own two feet.Bad habits are developed over time and serve no good purpose in our lives. The bad habit I have that I’d like to kick to the curb is needing the validation of asking ” Does this make me look fat?” Seriously, how is that question helpful? It means I am obsessing over my looks and expending my energy in a very negative way. It’s also liable to make me a bad Mommy if my girls hear this slip out of my mouth. I don’t want to pass on my weight issues. Why am I asking? If I am or I am not, or it does or does not make me look fat..is irrelevant. Even feeling like I need to ask the question, needing that validation is crippling me from being the best me I can be. If it bothers me then I should just work on it. I am my own worst critic and really no matter what the Big Guy answers, I am never satisfied. I need to stop asking that damn question; more importantly stop needing that validation from others. I need to just work on the problem and fix it rather than questioning myself and others. So,I am going to stop asking “Does this make me look fat?” To do this, I must work to make sure that I know that I am not. If I am not, then it stands to reason that I can not look like what I am not! End the end, ending this habit will be the catalyst to making me be a better me for me.What is your bad habit that’s keeping you down or holding you back?

    Be A Better Me ( You) Challenge- Day 19 ~ Breathe; Relax
    Stop snickering. It’s very simple but sometimes we need to be reminded. Life has a tendency to snowball and overwhelm us. It’s really a miracle what  difference having the forethought to stop, breathe deeply, exhale and relax. My Mom has told me this since I was a child and I never believed or fully understood. Quite frankly I thought she was a little crazy. It seems with having children I am gaining great wisdom and insight into the world around me. For example, one more thing I learned to understand fully, why parents would ever think of sending a teen aged daughter away to boarding school and pay all that money for virtually a baby sitter. Believe me, if these young emotionally charged years are any indication of what may be to come, I may be putting a kidney for sale for some peace and sanity. But lately, I have been trying to breathe. I will admit it has been a last resort, but it was the only way I could come to it. It’s making me a better person because its giving me the control to be in charge of my emotions and not fly of the handle, which, lets face, seldom works and usually just leads to guilt. I just feel like a better person being able to control my reactions to the world and situations that it seems to keep hurling at my head. Breathing make me feel in control and control is what winds my clock people.I can’t imagine how awesome I’d be if I could make myself meditate. Something I may have to make some time for. So, breathe and relax is your challenge. Just try it! I promise, you’ll like it.

    Just a challenge update, my friends, I am sitting here with my hair fixed, and a dress on. I feel pretty cute. A little effort went a long way this morning! Also, I am sitting here in peace and quiet because the Big Guy has taken the girls shopping leaving me with some quiet , alone time. God bless him. And next week, BIG Guy and I have date night for my birthday. I can not wait. So be warned, there will be no posts next weekend! But I will be living the challenge..and the dream! Happy Mothering!

  • Mommy Sex and the Man Cold a Tale as Old as Time

    Mommy Sex and the Man Cold a Tale as Old as Time

    Mommy sex and the man cold don’t mix. If you thought pregnancy and crabs was the worst things you could catch from unprotected sex, you’ve never caught the man cold. And when I say protected, I’m not just talking about wearing a condom, I’m talking about sporting some sexy hazmat suit from head to toe. I learned the hard way that mommy sex and the man cold are a bad combination.

    I woke up this morning feeling like I had been run over, backed up and run over again by a mac truck full of cattle. That’s almost how bad I felt, but actually…I feel worse than that. I blame myself, really. Apparently, there are no “poor girls not gotten laid in awhile” pass clause when it comes to your husband being sick. Girl, if you back that truck up and let him cough on you…hey, sex at your own risk; proceed with caution.

    See, normally I’m all, “Don’t kiss me on the mouth” all hooker style when he’s sick. But being with the way things are lately ( the whole living situation, limited time together) once we hit the conjagulorium all bets were off. In the heat of the moment, I didn’t care where he kissed me I was more focused on the fact that he was home to kiss me at all. Desperate times, desperate measures.

    Now, I’m sneezing so much that I’ve already had to change my panties twice this morning and its only 1 pm. I’m coughing non-stop. My throat hurts like I swallowed razor blades and then took a shot of Drano and my voice is crackling. I have a runny nose that keeps producing the most unladylike green substance that I have ever seen in the entire of my whole life.

    That’s not even mentioning my chapped red nose, my chapped lips, my deafness and lack of smell. Plus I pretty much feel like I am walking around in a big giant bubble of sickness.

    Guess what? A 3 and 5-year-old, don’t care. They don’t give even one fuck that I caught daddy’s man cold. One’s yelling at me because I won’t take them to Healthworks science museum, the other one is pissed off because she wants me to bring up her winter clothes from the basement and all I really want to do is curl up and try not to die. Why won’t these tiny people let me be sick in peace?

    So, you can just imagine what happened when I saw the dirty dishes in the sink this morning. You know, the dirty dishes that I asked the Big Guy to do before he left back out of town. I believe my exact words were,

    “Please do the dishes before you leave. I’ve done them for three months straight and I think I might blow my head off if I have to do them again!”

    Really, does he want me to blow my head off?  Because sure as I am standing here with a red nose and a pocket full of green riddled used Kleenex, he left those damn dishes for ME! It wasn’t too big of a deal until I was on my way to pick up Bella from school and realized on top of everything else…I have to NOW do those damn dishes.

    I texted him.Something to the effect,  “I am dying over here. Are you fucking kidding me!!!!Thanks a LOT!!!”

    His response….”I shouldn’t have taken that nap you FORCED me to take” ( yeah, he was sick so I was being nice but it wasn’t like I put a gun to his head and FORCED him into bed).

    Next, as if he wanted me to murder him, he said: “Leave them until next weekend. I’ll do them then!”

    Really, seriously, as if I am going to leave dirty nasty dishes in the sink until the weekend. I’m NOT and I’m pretty sure he knows that.

    But I am really sick and don’t feel like doing the dishes. In fact, it’s probably the last thing that I want to do right now. I may, however, throw them all in the garbage.

    Anybody else have these kinds of days? Just me then? So, to recap, thanks honey for the literal kiss of death you shared with me and the dirty dishes that you left me, as well. Anything else that you want to give me? Maybe a hefty case of gonorrhea? lice? The Bubonic plague? Dysentery? 5 loads of laundry? Throw up in the bathrooms? See you this weekend, the dishes may or may not be waiting too.I guess it depends whether or not they sprout legs and walk away on their own.

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