The TRUTH About Motherhood

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You Deserve the Life that You’ve Always Dreamed Of
Estimated reading time: 7 minutes
Thank you CreditRepair.com for sponsoring this post. CreditRepair.com’s team understands that a credit score is not just a number; it’s a lifestyle.
The holidays are coming up really soon and with that, so does gift-giving, which is my love language. Whether you like to give toys, clothes, travel, or experiences (my personal preference) to your loved ones, at the root of all of it is the innate desire to bestow upon the people you love gifts; tokens of adoration and gratitude. We wait all year for this one day to give. Why do we wait? Oh yes, because that is when the sales happen and we’re trying to spend responsibly.
READ ALSO: How to have a Quality Fashion Wardrobe on a Budget
Since the day we had our girls, we’ve been head over heels in love with them. We wanted, and still do, to give them the world. I don’t feel like it’s wrong to give them special gifts, I feel like it’s a blessing to be able to do it. Giving is a salve for my soul.
But then the accident happened my own personal life-altering moment. I took a misstep in a bridesmaid gown and our entire world changed. I broke and shattered the bones in my left leg while completely dislocating my ankle. I had no idea how momentous one wrong step could be. It’s actually a good metaphor for life.
READ ALSO: Bridesmaid Down
It was as painful as it sounds and that broken leg nearly broke us. The bills were astronomical. Recovery included 3 surgeries over 3 years, countless hours of physical therapy and rehabilitation and the cost of renting medical devices to just be able to take a shower or get around my own house. I couldn’t bear weight for 12 weeks. I couldn’t work. All I could do was sit and watch as the entire world moved on without me. It took a village to pick up the slack and there were lots of unexpected, hidden costs involved.
Christmas rolled around that year and all my weary heart wanted was to give to those I love but how could I? I got depressed and when I’m depressed, it’s cliché but, I like to shop. Somehow it empowers me when I’m feeling helpless. So in the middle of hemorrhaging money on one surgery after another, I kept shopping. It wasn’t about the stuff it was about the joy it brought me to give the smiles on my daughters’ faces.
READ ALSO: Tips for Maximizing Your Disney World Vacation
That Christmas was a plastic Christmas. I couldn’t let my broken leg ruin our holiday. It had already robbed the girls of their Disney World trip, I wouldn’t let it take this from them too. As the medical bills began to roll in, when I still couldn’t walk, I had my husband push me around the mall in my wheelchair.
Christmas came and went. My cards were maxed out and the medical bills just kept coming, even when the paychecks were late; the bills never were. I wish the hospital’s billing department could give tips to the people who owed me money. Apparently, that scenario never works out in my favor.
Pretty soon, the bills were coming more and more frequently and the stress of owing money that I couldn’t pay and afford groceries at the same time, just became too much. I began to shut down. I stopped spending and started focusing on paying bills down and saving but the bills were already so high. I felt like I couldn’t breathe or move under the weight of it all. Meanwhile, my credit score was moving in the wrong direction.
We were in over our heads with the medical bills. We were drowning with no life preserver in sight. Humiliated and embarrassed, I didn’t want to ask for help. I’m an adult. I just wanted to hold on long enough to be able to fix it but I could never catch up.
Then one day, I had to ask myself, “Why should my children pay because of an unexpected medical emergency? Why should we be punished for a momentary lapse in footwear judgment on a warm autumn day? Why?” I was angry and I was sad. I was frustrated and I felt out of control and I didn’t like any of it.
READ ALSO: What’s a Quinceanera and how to plan yours
I was struggling with the idea that I had school tuitions, ballet, cheer, work trips, family vacations, and quinceaneras coming up that I had to pay for. The fact was not lost on me that college is coming sooner rather than later too. How was I going to afford all of it? Why should my family miss out on these important things to them because of debt that had nothing to do with them. It felt punitive.
Bills kept mounting. I’d pay the bare minimum when I could. I used to feel like I would never finish paying off the medical bills because once I broke my leg that set off a chain of unexpected health issues and more trips to the hospital.
Worrying doesn’t help. You have to make a plan and take action. The first thing I did was call my creditors. I spoke to them, human to human. Explained the situation and they worked with us to help us pay the debt down without starving or damaging our credit score. This wasn’t a magic pill and we’re still working that plan. It was a Band-Aid. It takes time but it was a relief to have that life preserver. Having finance in troubled waters is definitely overwhelming.
The thing you have to remember is that credit is fluid. Your credit is not set in stone. Every single day is a new day for you to repair or destroy it. It’s your choice. One resource, CreditRepair.com is a leading provider of credit report repair services in the United States. Their credit professionals help educate and empower individuals like me achieve the credit score I want and the lifestyle my family deserves.
CreditRepair.com can help you make good choices because a credit score is more than just a number, it is a way of life. A credit score directly correlates with quality of life, not just because of the things you can afford but more importantly because of peace of mind and security. For me, and most people, debt and compromised credit cause unnecessary stress and worry and then you can’t enjoy anything. It’s a vicious cycle and sometimes it feels like there’s no way out. But there are resources available for just that. We just need to know they are available.
CreditRepair.com professionals believe everyone has a right to: Achieve their dreams. Increase their ability. Enjoy a lifestyle of greater opportunity.
CreditRepair.com’s technology provides its members with a personal online dashboard, a credit score tracker and analysis, creditor and bureau interactions, text and email alerts, mobile apps and credit monitoring. They give you the tools to be the master of your own financial destiny. They focus on your personal story and your determination to develop a healthier relationship with your credit and dedication to the process of changing your lifestyle and spending habits to achieve your financial goals. It’s very personalized.
I’m still working my way out of financial debt and learning better spending habits.
My credit repair goals are:
· Pay everything on time.
· Pay off all of my medical debt.
· To get to a place where I can pay more than just the minimum payments on credit card bills.
· Pay off debt and use my credit cards less.
· Carry low balances versus maxed out cards.
· Establish a regular savings schedule and contribution goal.
· Get any negative payment history removed from my credit report.
If your credit isn’t perfect, that’s ok. You can fix it with a little guidance and help from CreditRepair.com Get started today with your free consultation.
What are you waiting for? You deserve the freedom, joy and peace of mind that having good credit can provide. Your family deserves that version of you.
2019/12/10
Back to School Shopping made Easy with Amazon
How did back-to-school come so fast? One day the kids were getting out for the summer and the next day, it was time to go back. Summer was not long enough. The older my girls get the faster the summers seem to go and, to be honest, I’m not loving it. I want to slow down time and hold on for just a little longer.
Disclosure: Amazon sent me the Happy School Year kit but all opinions are my own.
This year, my oldest starts high school, my youngest is right smack dab in middle school and I am going back to preschool. Well, I took a part-time job working with the cutest preschoolers ever. I’d almost forgotten how independent, sassy and hilarious 4-year-olds can be. Back-to-school is hitting me in all the feels everywhere this time.
READ ALSO: The first day of High School was Harder than Expected
For us, back-to-school is like New Year’s Eve. It’s a time for resetting and starting over, especially this year with my oldest being a freshman. It was the perfect opportunity to set some New School Year’s resolutions for all of us.
My oldest girl wants to keep up on her homework, get involved in school spirit and support her teams, stay physically active and get ahead on her reading. I love the way she is finding her way and becoming the fierce, ambitious young lady she wants to be. The girls wear uniforms but they are able to express themselves with their accessories, shoes and bags. Here are some of her favorite Amazon back-to-school finds, Be Brave. Be Bold. Be You. Daily Notebook, Fire HD 10 Tablet and Fujimax camera for taking pictures of all of her new friends to hang in her locker.
Back-to-school with Amazon is easy and convenient.
My youngest loves school and is a social butterfly. She is very into tech and is a bit of a VSCO girl. She’s all about being green, eating healthy and saving the world. But being that she is only 12, she is still very into fun, quirky school supplies. Did someone say Geddes Scented Donut Shoppe Erasers, Zebra Cadoozles Mechanical Pencils , ZIPIT Twister Pencil Case, Wickedly Prime Plantain Chips and S’well Stainless Steel Bottle? She really loves that her MEE KidJamz 3Child Safe Headphones and AmazonBasics Everyday School Backpack match and she’s made them her own by adding funky pins.
READ ALSO: Back to School Breaking my Heart
As for me, I haven’t been hanging out with the preschooler set in ages so I’m stocking up on Boogie wipes, Zinc lozenges and Babyganics hand sanitizer in bulk. I’ve been a stay-at-home / work-from-home mom for the past 14-years so hanging with these little cuties a few hours every day is definitely going to boost my immune system. I should probably stock up on Vitamin C and vitamins, as well.
Amazon makes it easy to get all of your back-to-school needs met in one convenient location. We have a busy life and back-to-school is an insanely chaotic time of year for us, so convenience and dependability are very important to us. We know that we can count on amazon to get us what we need as soon as possible and that takes the stress out of back-to-school shopping for me.
Did you use Amazon for your back-to-school shopping this year? If not, why not?
2019/08/26
The First Day of High School was Harder than the first day of Kindergarten

Nothing could have prepared me for my daughter’s first day of high school. I expected there to change. Even expected there to be stress and nervous energy. Definitely, did not expect the first day of high school to be harder than the first day of kindergarten. It was so much worse.
I not the mom who cried in the kindergarten corridor, my girls are stoic. They’re independent and they suck it up. They get that from their daddy. I’m highly emotional. I do suck it up but I always give myself permission to feel my feelings.
READ ALSO: Kindergarten, the beginning of the end
All summer Bella’s joked that she wants to be homeschooled. She’s wanted to be homeschool since about 2^nd grade. Due to demanding dance schedules, Bella’s ballet friends are homeschooled. I never put much weight in it because I work from home. I’ve taught and had classroom time. But teaching your own child is something different entirely so my answer has always been a firm no.
But this summer, she wouldn’t drop it. I assumed she was getting nervous for the change to high school. After all, she’s been at the same school since 1^st grade. But on that first morning, she was overcome with fear and begged me to not make her go.
READ ALSO: The Different Kinds of Moms You Meet on the First Day of School
Do you have any idea how hard that was for me? I’m very close to my girls. We’re a small family, just the 4 of us and they really are my best friends ( I know it’s not cool to say that but in our case, it is true). I don’t say no very often to things they really want. Things yes but not asks of me as a mom. This morning, I had to stand strong and push my baby bird out of the nest, for her own good.
As moms, I think most of us would love to just keep our little ones snuggled up near us forever but that’s not what’s best for them. How can I expect her to be a functioning good human being when I let her shy away from everything that scares her?
The entire car ride to school, she was silently holding back tears. I saw it. I didn’t acknowledge it because, just like when they are toddlers and you make a deal about a booboo, that’s the moment the histrionics begin. I was trying to be stoic because, confession, I am totally the mom who kisses all the booboos and makes a big deal. But I needed to be strong for her.
READ ALSO: Slipping through my Fingers
About a block from the school, we were stopped in traffic and she could see the cars lining up to make the street cross at the yield sign. She could see all the other freshman and realized that she knew none of them. I heard the whimpering as she stifled her cries. My heart broke into a zillion pieces. Be strong, Debi. You can do this. Do it for Bella She needs you. This is not about you. Do NOT fall apart woman. Not turning the car went against all of my mommy instincts.
There we were in the car at drop off on her first official morning of high school. This day was just for incoming freshman. I love that. The student ambassadors were standing outside lining the drop off lanes, holding banners welcoming the new students. Cheerleaders were cheering. Teachers were standing at attention with full-faced smiles. Even the school mascot was standing outside giving out free hugs. I felt comfortable dropping her off in this situation.
I turned to the passenger seat and there say my baby, my firstborn, sobbing from fear of the unknown and no amount of reassurance was going to fix this but neither was letting her not face it. It was now. This was her moment. It was also a really hard parenting moment because I confess, all I wanted to do was grab her in my arms, peel outta there and take her home with me and make it all better. Instead, holding back tears behind my giant Gucci sunglasses, I grabbed her hand, told her that I loved her, kissed her cheek and told her to have the best day. ” I’ll see you soon.”
Looking back at me with her cheetah spotted face, through blubbering from sheer panic and fear, she said, “I hate you, mom.” I knew she didn’t mean it. I knew that was her way of letting me know how very hard this moment was for her. This was her being scared and clinging to anything that would get me to stop the trajectory of our morning. She wanted off. She wanted out. She was terrified and I was the only thing that stood between her and the comfort of how things were.
I cried all the way home. I felt like the worst mom in the history of the world. I felt like I had abandoned her at the moment she needed me most. But I know that I did the right thing because it was one of the hardest things I’ve ever had to do. I had to walk away when my daughter metaphorically had her hands outstretched to me, begging me to rescue her. Instead, I gently pushed her out of the nest. I’m not sure how I’m going to survive when she goes away to college.
READ ALSO: Only 9 more Summers
That’s the thing about being a parent, we have to love them so much that we do what’s best for them, even when it breaks our hearts. We have to let them go, even when all we want to do is hold them tight. We have to love them so hard that they see themselves the way we do. We lift them up, give them courage and self-confidence when they are at their most vulnerable. We watch from the sidelines, with no glory or fanfare, being their biggest cheerleaders for all of their lives. We love them enough to convince them to see that they are as wonderful as we’ve always known they were…since that moment they were first placed upon our chest the moment they were born. As a parent, it’s our responsibility to give our children the best possible education that would cater to their needs and future goals. In fact, you can opt to learn more about best high schools in Raleigh, NC.
What was your child’s first day of school like this year?
2019/08/09
Seussical at the Chicago Shakespeare Theater
Chicago Shakespeare Theater Presents Seussical A whimsical adventure through the world of Dr. Seuss July 5–August 17, 2014.
Do your kids love Dr. Seuss? Do you? I grew up reading Dr. Seuss and now, I read Dr. Seuss to my girls. They love the Lorax, the Whos in Whoville and especially the Cat in the Hat! Well, guess what? The awesomeness that is Dr. Seuss has been made into a musical, perfect for kids of all ages to enjoy this summer.
Chicago Shakespeare Theater is bringing the humor and magic of Dr. Seuss to life onstage this summer for young audiences and their families in the Broadway musical comedy Seussical. I hear that it’s playful, energetic and full of whimsy and Seussical engages the imagination with clever lyrics and melodies, unforgettable characters and the colorful world of Dr. Seuss. I don’t know how they will top last year’s production of Shrek the Musical but I can’t wait to see them try.
Seussical will be performed July 5 through August 17 in CST’s Courtyard Theater with a run time of 75 minutes.
Every performance features special opportunities for audiences to interact with the actors for one-on-one conversations and photo opportunities. On Wednesdays and Thursdays, CST partners with the Chicago Children’s Museum (CCM) to offer hands-on craft activities in CST’s Lobby. Tickets start at $18.
My girls can’t wait. They look forward to our annual family trip to The Shakespeare Theater. It’s become quite a tradition. We walk along Navy Pier, have lunch in the city, ride the merry-go-round, munch on some Garrett’s popcorn and just go where ever the day takes us. The best part of the entire weekend is that we make memories; just the four of us and that makes me look forward to it too.
Aside from getting to spend a beautiful Saturday afternoon in Chicago with your family taking in the arts I get to giveaway a family 4-pack to the 2 pm shows this Saturday, July 12^th, to one lucky reader. Simply leave a comment naming your favorite Dr. Seuss book and/or quote below and 1 winner will be chosen randomly. But hurry. The contest ends on Wednesday July 9^th at midnight. Good luck.
I can’t wait to tell you all about Seussical and our weekend in Chicago this weekend!
2014/07/03
How to Keep Your Children Safe Online from Toddler to Teen
Estimated reading time: 5 minutes
Children and teens love being online. The older they get, the more they love it. Whether it’s watching videos on YouTube, playing Fortnite or interacting with friends from school on SnapChat and Instagram, our kids spend a lot of time online. The thing is, do we really know who they’re hanging out within the online world? We can’t even be sure that we know who we’re dealing with in this world of online personas and filters. Is anyone who they seem to be? I’ve spent a lot of time trying to figure out how to keep my children safe online from the toddler age through to their teens.
Maybe it would be easier if our kids were just playing outside. But that’s not the real world. It’s only part of it and our kids need to learn how to navigate safely through the digital world. It’s not like when we were kids. There’s a whole online world connecting our children to people all over the world. All the hoping and wishing is not going to unring that bell.
READ ALSO: Online Persona who’s real and who isn’t? How to know the difference.
There may be those that argue that digital technology makes children unhealthy from the lack of fresh air and physical activity. People will tell you that this generation of kids will be awkward and develop poor social skills but I think that’s an alarmist attitude. Our children need to have their bearings in both worlds because currently, the future is living in one and experiencing life in the other.
There are solid arguments in defense of having exposure to technology from a young age. Many games involve complex problems that need solving. Schools use online classrooms and apps to teach our kids. These same games can improve hand-eye coordination and children learn very quickly how to use technology in great depth, in a very natural and intuitive way.
A bigger concern though is how safe our children are online. With access to so much, often unrestricted content, how do we know that our children are not going to come into contact with things that they’re not old enough to deal with? We have parental controls on our daughters’ computers and phones. They are only allowed the apps we give them permission to use and we check often. But even the most vigilant parent can’t be everywhere all the time. We need to teach our children, from an early age, how to be safe and smart online.
READ ALSO: How to keep your family safe online
The other aspect of this is also a concern over who they might come into contact with. There is always a worry with social media or games that have chat functions, that children may come into contact with strangers who prey on the young. My biggest fear is a pedophile posing as another child, gaining my daughters’ trust and violating them in some way.
So how do we deal with this challenge? Nobody wants to cut their children off entirely from enjoying something they love, and with technology being a bigger and bigger part of our lives, the children of today will have even more of a relationship with technology. As parents, we have to keep them informed, tech-savvy and safe by doing a few simple things.
Take An Interest In What Your Child Is Doing Online
Make online activities a family experience where you can. Get involved with their gaming, and spend time understanding what they’re doing when they are online. My girls only game online when their dad is playing with them. Keeping a healthy, positive interest will mean that your children will be less likely to hide activity from you. If you know the games, they’re playing, and the sites that they’re visiting, you’ll have a better idea of what any specific risks are. This will help you put things in place to minimize these risks.
Teach your children about passwords by sitting with them when they sign up to their first sites. Make sure they learn early on how important passwords are, and that they should use different passwords on different websites and use a healthy mix of letters (upper and lowercase), numbers and special characters.
Having Straight, Honest Conversations
Be honest with your children about the dangers of strangers online, and the kind of content on there, but try not to scare them too much. They do have to live and work online. Encourage them to be cautious. Encourage your children to talk to you about anything that they see so that if something ever happens, they go to you immediately.
Parental Controls
Make sure you know how to access any master parental controls from your home router, as well on every device your children might have access to. This is so important. Find out about the best apps and devices for monitoring your kids safe online activity. Make sure that these are installed and working.
“Friend” Your Children
If your children are using social media, befriend or follow them online. Your children need to learn that anything they post online has the potential to be viewed by anyone and that once it’s posted, even if it gets deleted, it could come back and cause them damage. I taught my girls from the beginning to not post anything that they wouldn’t want their grandpa seeing. I’ve also shown them how screenshot works and the reality that nothing is temporary on the internet. The Internet is forever.
These are just a few tips for keeping your children safe online. What’s your best tip?
2019/07/08
How to Lose 100 Pounds in a Year
Want to lose weight fast? Don’t we all. I’ve been wanting to lose 100 pounds for years but I never did it. But, not because it was impossible but because I wasn’t ready. I wasn’t ready to commit to all the things I needed to do to lose the weight. It’s not hard to lose 100 pounds, but it is a lot of work. A lot of work and it won’t happen overnight. If it does, you may want to go see your doctor because something is probably wrong.
READ ALSO: The Burden of Being a Fat Woman
To lose weight, you need to make up your mind, seriously, that you are ready to lose the weight. You need to go into it knowing that it will take time. It will require sacrifice. It’s not a diet. It’s a lifestyle change. You will have to dedicate yourself to pursuing this for as long as it takes, maybe forever. It is common knowledge that supplements can improve health and have a long list of benefits. Good thing there are effective dietary supplements like Carbofix which can help us further in our weight loss efforts. More about this particular supplement on Carbofix reviews.
The good news is that you can unlearn bad habits and form new habits in about 3 weeks time. 3 weeks is a long time when you are adjusting to reducing carbs and calories. 3 weeks is a long time when you are just starting to move and work out but it’s only 3 weeks.
How to lose weight without feeling like you’re being punished.
After 3 weeks, moving will become a habit. Believe it or not, you will begin to crave it and even enjoy it. You’ll look forward to your morning walk or workout especially if you use the best shapewear. I promise you will. Your body will adjust to your new way of eating. The bad foods will stop tasting as good and the good foods will start to taste better. You will learn to live in your new normal. You will find that after 3 weeks, it doesn’t feel restrictive. This is a lifestyle change so everything in moderation. Don’t put anything off limits or your mind will want it more.
What am I doing to lose weight aside from changing how I eat?
I am developing a healthy relationship with food for the first time, honestly, in my entire life. Food is fuel.
Am I still a foodie? Yes, you can be a foodie without being a glutton. I eat everything in moderation and a weigh and measure before it goes in my mouth. No more mindless eating. No more stress or comfort eating. I’m having to face my issues. It is hard. No more asking for forgiveness. It’s all about permission now and allowing myself to be human. If you want to be guided by a professional, you can seek help from a personal Macro Coaching expert to plan your diet effectively.
I’m eating fewer carbs and less sugar, and eating more vegetables and whole foods. That’s it.
READ ALSO: How a Doctor’s Visit Saved My Life
I’m moving.
Moving doesn’t need to mean going to the gym or getting a Peloton, even though I still want one of those. For me, it means alternating between CIZE by Beachbody ( I started with the 30-minute video and just upped to the 45-minute one) and the BBG app. It can mean just walking.I’m still pretty overweight and out of shape so BBG is hard for me so I modify and on some days, I even do the postpartum workout because it’s what I can do. In the past few weeks, I’ve also added walking 45 minutes a day (when it’s not raining out.) The point is that I am making a conscious choice to move and more importantly, I’m making the time and not excuses. Excuses are what got me here in the first place. Although, after implementing this diet plan to lose weight I haven’t tried anything else, it’s quick and effective.
Forgiving myself for not being perfect.
I am a human. I am taking one day at a time. Losing this kind of weight and fighting for your life is not a sprint, it’s a long ass cross country race and it takes time. There will be slip ups and plateaus. But with the one day at a time mentality, one foot in front of the other, it’s just one moment of my journey and that one slip up does not define me. Neither does the size of my pants.
Loving myself.
I never thought I could truly love myself. As I said, I am a perfectionist with control issues. I am my harshest critic. I love big and fearlessly when it comes to others but I’ve never been able to look at myself that way. I’m learning to love me. I’m prioritizing me. I am as important as the people I love. I’m beginning to see the good in me. The gifts that I offer the world.
READ ALSO: Sugar is a drug and I was an addict.
Letting others be there for me.
This is another thing that has always been hard for me. I love being people’s rock but I hate hinging my happiness on others so I never do. I’m always afraid they will fail me. But after 20 years of marriage to the Big Guy, he has always been there for me. I always say that he saved my life when we met because that’s when I stopped the anorexia. Well, he’s doing it again. He’s all in and so are my girls and my friends and family. I have received so much love, encouragement and support from so many of you. It means everything to me. You all inspire me.
This is how you lose 100 pounds.
Well, actually the end goal is 111 pounds. It’s not about starving yourself. It’s about loving yourself, forgiving yourself and prioritizing yourself enough to take the time, have the patience and put in the effort to get healthy. If you are considering trying a supplement, make sure to read a review first. For example, this Leanbean review shows a lot of the factors you should consider before buying a product.
To be honest, the end goal is not even a number on the scale for me. The end goal is being completely healthy and on no medication. The goal is to live as long as I can to see my girls grow up, my grandchildren be born and grow up and get married. The goal is to be happy, love myself as unconditionally as I love my family and to feel good in my own skin; to be around to see as many sunsets with my husband as life will allow.
What are you doing to take care of you?
2019/07/02
When the Patient Portal Surprises You with Cancer
Does your doctor use a patient portal? Sounds great, right? I’m tech savvy. I hate waiting for people to “get back to me”. I am all about the technological advancements and if I can get my results instantly online, why wait? Right?
Well, up until last week, I would have whole-heartedly agreed with you. I am impatient. I don’t like waiting on results. It stresses me the eff out. Like seriously, sends my blood pressure up and occupies my every waking moment. I fixate. The unknown scares the hell out of me.
The known, I can do something about. I can formulate a plan, make a checklist, do what I’m supposed to do to check things off the checklist and unlock the next level. That is how I work. You give me a challenge; I find the solution. I don’t like unfinished things. I need to see, pursue and conquer. It’s how I’m wired.
READ ALSO: That One Time I thought I was Having A Heart Attack
It’s been a busy month, with lots of surprises and not all surprises that I wanted. Last Monday, my world came crashing down around my feet. I got that news the good old fashioned way, face-to-face. Thank God because I needed to see my doctor’s face when she reassured me “everything was reversible.” Whew. Terrifying but fixable.
I’m used to things not going perfectly but when I was told that my health was failing, well, it shook me to my very core. Like reevaluate your entire life, wade through the murky facts that you could die and then pull yourself up by your bootstraps and fix it. I won’t lie, the first three days of last week after getting the news, were hard for me.
There were meds and a complete lifestyle change. My life felt in upheaval; complete chaos and it left me depressed. I’ve not done depressed many times in my life. Honestly, I’m mostly manic but when life throws you these kinds of curveballs it’s too much and all you can do is feel your feelings, accept your new reality, grieve and move on. That’s what I’ve been doing.
READ ALSO: When Cancer’s on the Table
The thing is it scared me straight. Maybe it’s a blessing in disguise but last Monday, my life was shattered into 1 million pieces and I had to look mortality straight in the face. My mind said, “Not today Satan…not today.” But after all was said and done, I changed because I had to. To live, I have to suck it all up and move forward on a new path. Eat right. Portion control. Exercise. Make better choices. Take meds. Repeat. This is my new reality.
It’s not easy but it’s the way it has to be. So, I wallowed in self-pity and carb withdrawal headaches for most of last week. But, this past Monday, when I went to the doctor she told me that I lost 9 lbs., my blood pressure is in the normal range and my sugar levels have come down considerably…almost to normal from 200. All great news. My doctor is very proud of me and I’m pretty proud of myself too. We all know my relationship with food has never been right.
However, TUESDAY was another story. I am still adjusting to meds and feeling a little weird. There have been daily calls into the doctor’s office. I’m sure the nurses have my picture on a bulletin board and I am labeled “frequent caller or send directly to voicemail.” On Monday, my doctor gently urged me to sign up for the new patient portal. Which I’ve always belonged to because of the aforementioned control freak who doesn’t like to wait for people to call her back with results.
READ ALSO: How a Simple Doctor’s Visit Might Save My Life
Monday night, I completed the registration for the new patient portal and logged in at bedtime. As I was reading through my chart and diagnoses, I saw one that I didn’t recognize. Sure I had a lot on my mind when she was telling me I had diabetes and high blood pressure but I heard everything…or did I?
Because right there in my patient portal was a diagnosis for what, when googled, was bone marrow cancer!!! Yes, you read that right. My chart said I have bone marrow cancer but either I went temporarily deaf or my doctor forgot to tell me. Everyone was sleeping. I was hyperventilating. I.Have.Bone.Marrow. Cancer. It kept repeating on a loop in my brain.
I made myself go to sleep. There was nothing else I could do but….think. I woke up at 2 a.m. and I emailed my doctor through the patient portal. I asked her, “Do I have cancer? You told me everything I had was reversible.” Then my mind ran through all of the scenarios and for a brief few minutes, I thought to myself….I can reverse high blood pressure and diabetes but bone marrow cancer? It’s too much. I’m broken.
READ ALSO: When Mental Health is Marginalized
But then, I thought to myself, “ Wait an effing minute. You can’t just give up YOU.HAVE.THE BIG GUY AND THE GIRLS TO THINK ABOUT. Immediately, I rationalized with myself that if I had bone marrow cancer, I’d have to find a way to beat that too. I heard my mom’s voice, “Where there’s a will, there is always a way.” I finally fell back to sleep.
Of course, I had to drive for a field trip for the 8th-grade graduation mass at the Cathedral. I guess there’s no better place to be than mass praying while you’re having the worst morning of your life, take 2 in as many weeks.
I asked the Big Guy, my husband not God, “She’d have told me if I had cancer, right? She’d have to, right?” He assured she would have but his face looked like he wasn’t sure. This poor guy. My warranty has run out and I’m falling apart just 20 years into this marriage thing.
READ ALSO: How Scrambled Eggs made my Marriage Sexy
I didn’t want to freak out the girls so I didn’t say anything. I just went on like normal while I was casually freaking out on the inside. I couldn’t take it anymore and while I was waiting for a carload of 8^th graders to get in my car, I called the doctor’s office over and over until I got a human being.
Finally, my nurse answered the phone. I told her what I saw and asked, “She’d have told me if I had bone marrow cancer, right? She’d have to, right? That would be unethical to send me on my way without making a plan and starting treatment. For the love of God, I WANT TO LIVE. HELP ME!!”
My nurse said, “Debi let me check your file and yes, she would most definitely have said something to you if you had cancer.” I was frantic. The kids were walking towards the car but I couldn’t end this call until I knew one way or the other.
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“Debi there is nothing in your chart or the notes about you having cancer of the bone marrow or otherwise. I am so sorry that you were so scared. If there was something wrong, she would have told you and it would definitely be in the chart. It gave me a random diagnosis before too. It just inserts weird stuff sometimes.” And with that, I had a mini psychotic breakdown because for 12 hours I had bone marrow cancer. I don’t find the patient portal’s behavior to be acceptable.
I’ve never prayed so hard or sung so loud in mass before. Talk about a grateful life. Every day is a gift. Every minute and moment sent on this earth is precious. That was my week. It’s been a crazy one. I’ll tell you one thing, I may never look at that patient portal for as long as I live because it almost killed me.

2019/05/17
Cirque du Soleil’s Dralion Farewell Tour
Two more days until I attend media day for Cirque du Soleil’s Dralion farewell tour; excited is an understatement. I’ve been planning this for 5 months. It comes right in the middle of a really busy week but I’d gladly forgo sleep for this. I’ve been waiting 15 years to go backstage to what I consider the greatest show on earth.
People need down time; moments of sheer enjoyment. You cannot go 100% all the time or you will crash and burn, says the manic mom typing this blog. As a treat, this week my family is attending Cirque du Soleil’s Dralion farewell tour; thanks to the good people are Cirque du Soleil. We’ve been fans of Cirque du Soleil since seeing La Nouba for the first time on our honeymoon in 1999. We even took our girls back to see La Nouba earlier this year.
Are you familiar with Cirque du Soleil? No? What???? Cirque du Soleil is a circus of artistic beauty and creativity beyond anything else. We love the ballet and opera, pair that with some wicked acrobats, international arts and astounding trampoline artists and you’ve got a small taste of what Cirque du Soleil is.

I’m not a fan of the traditional circus because of the use of animals. You know cages and whips and all that kind of kill my enthusiasm for the entire thing but Cirque du Soleil is something that the Big Guy and I gladly share with our girls and will for years to come.
Cirque du Soleil is a Quebec based company recognized all over the world for high-quality, artistic entertainment. Since its dawn in 1984, Cirque du Soleil has constantly sought to evoke the imagination, invoke the senses and provoke the emotions of people around the world.
As someone who has seen every Cirque du Soleil either on video or in person, I can tell you that it is ethereal and magical every single time. That is the simplest way to explain it. What the people in the shows can do with the human body is spectacular; musicians who sing like angels, acrobats who defy gravity and trampoline artist who achieve the unimaginable with ease and grace. Cirque du Soleil makes the impossible seem possible.
This week, I will be seeing Dralion for the very first time in person.
What is Dralion you ask?
Fusing the 3000-year-old tradition of Chinese acrobatic arts with the multidisciplinary approach of Cirque du Soleil, Dralion drawls its inspiration from Eastern philosophy and its never-ending quest for harmony between humans and nature. The show’s name is derived from its two emblematic creatures: the dragon, symbolizing the East, and the lion, symbolizing the West.
In Dralion, the four elements that govern the natural order take on a human form. Thus embodied, each element is represented by its own evocative color: air is blue; water is green; fire is red; earth is ochre. In the world of Dralion, cultures blend, Man and Nature are one, and balance is achieved.
Maybe that’s what I really and truly love about Cirque du Soleil the meshing of all cultures, peoples and beliefs. It’s “hope” under a tent. It’s being transported to a perfect world for a couple of hours and I adore every single saturated in amazing moment of it.
Dralion is coming to Ft. Wayne, IN ( probably to a city near you too) and will run this Wednesday November 5^th thru Sunday November 9^th. There is even a family four-pack promo going this week, 4 tickets for only $100 using the promo code Halloween. That is a fantastic deal and worth every single dollar. If you are anywhere near the area, I would highly recommend that you go see this farewell tour. It may be your last chance.
Speaking freely and honestly, I will tell you, Cirque du Soleil is one of the coolest things you will ever experience. You will leave the auditorium with children who are thrilled and amazed and your mind will be thoroughly blown. I can’t wait to tell you more about the show after I attend opening night and media day later this week. Hope to see you there.
What’s your favorite Cirque du Soleil show?
Have you seen Dralion?
Image via Cirque du Soleil
Disclosure: I was given tickets to see Dralion but all opinions are my own. I have been in love with Cirque du Soleil for 15 years and would have purchased tickets to Dralion on my own had I not received them.
2014/11/03
New National Geographic Kids Channel & Bonus ROKU
Update: The winner of the Roku Streaming Stick is Jessica Escobar. Thanks to everyone for entering.
As many of you know, I’m an ambassador for National Geographic Kids. For a second consecutive term I have been named a Nat Geo Kids Insider! Woohoo for me! Well, tonight that means woohoo for you too!
You already know that National Geographic is an amazing non-profit organization that provides awesome educational books, magazines and toys with amazing photos for our children. My girls truly love and enjoy their National Geographic magazine and books. Well, great news, recently National Geographic launched a channel on Roku, featuring a ton of exciting NGK videos that are perfect for your curious kids.
The new National Geographic channel is a video channel for curious kids and families featuring fun facts, animals and adventure. The subscription channel includes award-winning animated series like Mama Mirabelle, Iggy Arbuckle, Toot and Puddle and humorous, live action programming like Amazing Animals and Making Stuff. My girls think it’s awesome and the photography mesmerizes them.
National Geographic Kids’ mission is to inspire kids of all ages to learn about the world and provide quality video programming that sparks a child’s curiosity. With a focus on nature, animals, science, global cultures, exploration and adventure, NG Kids wants to keep the whole family engaged with videos even mom & dad like to watch! Then, continue to learn together by getting outdoors and exploring the great, big world around you.
The Roku Streaming Stick makes it easy to enjoy the best selection of streaming entertainment on TV like Netflix and the National Geographic channel as well as many more. With its compact design, the Roku Streaming Stick plugs discreetly into the HDMI port for a streamlined look that’s ideal for wall-mounted TVs like mine.
Once plugged in, the Roku Streaming Stick lets consumers start streaming from more than 1,500 channels of movies, TV episodes, music, news, sports, kids’ shows and free programming – more channels and genres than any other TV streaming device – and all in up to 1080p HD video.
And in celebration of National Geographic’s new channel, the great people at Roku are providing one Roku Streaming Stick for me to giveaway. So, this is a flash giveaway. It will last from now until Monday, July 14, 2014 at 8 pm EST on Monday night. To enter all you have to do is follow me on Pinterest at https://www.pinterest.com/DeborahCruz/ and leave a comment below telling me your favorite show and the Pinterest account you followed me from.
I’m a National Geographic Kids Insider and was provided a Roku streaming stick to give to one of you.
2014/07/14
Telic Apres Ski Recovery Boots Perfect for the whole famiy
Last year, I started working out. I’ve never been one to work out and walk 5Ks every day just because. I was about as fair-weathered a workout friend as you could find. I loved working out. Cardio was my jam but only when it was convenient. I wasn’t about that walking in 110 degrees with 100% humidity. And I definitely wasn’t running in 20-degree weather but here we are. Me walking on ice, rain or shine, hot or cold in the holy pursuit of good health. If I’m going to do it, I’d like to be able to do it the best way possible. Enter Telic Après Ski recovery boots, the one thing I never knew, I always needed. Look at me, learning all the new things about myself.
Disclosure: I gifted a pair of Telic Après Ski recovery boots to experience them for myself but all opinions are my own.
I’ve had to do some pretty substantial research and I’ve learned some hard lessons along the way. I also learned that my teenagers don’t like to wake up early, clean, work out or do anything that involves any effort whatsoever before 10 am, even if they have to. But they are swiftly motivated by Starbucks and shopping for cute anything. If that’s what I’ve got to do to get my teens to exercise with me, well sign me and my silver sneakers up because walking in the mall still counts as walking. Guess what else I learned?
READ ALSO: Ways to Work Out When You Don’t Have Time to Hit the Gym
I learned about a thing called sports recovery boots. Sounds made up, right? I thought so too but hey, I love cute shoes and I was sold and so were my girls. When I think of after sports shoes, I think of the Adidas soccer slides my girls wear after soccer games and ballet class. But those are not the sports recovery shoes that I am referring to in this post.
Recently, I was gifted a pair of Telic Après Ski sports recovery boots. When I saw them, I thought they were super cute and what could it hurt to try them out. We’d just spent 7 days walking 20000 steps daily around Walt Disney World. My feet were sore and in desperate need of some relief.
Since breaking my leg, most of my day’s end with a limp my legs are sore each night. But when I wear my Telic Après Ski recovery boots to work (I told you they were cute), I’m not limping at the end of the day. If that was not enough, I noticed they keep disappearing. My teens are swiping them to wear themselves. So, I got my oldest a pair and she loves them. She has dancer’s feet and they’ve taken a beating. She says these are one of the few shoes that don’t aggravate her plantar fasciitis and tendonitis.
READ ALSO: How I Broke My Leg in the Middle of My Sister’s Wedding
Let me tell you about the Après Ski recovery boot. It’s not just for after you ski, as the name would imply. It’s for after any sport. It’s great for everyday wear.
Telic is known for its award-winning comfort. The Après Ski recovery boot is also:
- Insulated & Water Resistant
- Traction Control Out-sole
- Pillow-Soft Comfort
- Lightweight Stability
- Athlete Approved
- Dr. Recommended
100% all true and I can attest to it because I’ve worn them a lot since I got them, in the mornings after working out during drop off and for my entire workdays and they truly impressed me. Actually, they blew my mind. I don’t know that I really believed anything could really work, especially with my foot and leg issues from the break but these did.
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You can enjoy Telic’s award-winning comfort year-round. They are designed to be worn by athletes to help relax and rejuvenate after training and competition, this recovery series incorporates Telic’s Novlaon Footstrike Technology and offers a soft supportive comfortable fit and feel for year-round Telic comfort.
What does that mean for you?
It means that this really cute pair of boots are comfortable and really do help you recover. To be honest, the fact that my leg hasn’t hurt after work since I’ve started wearing this is enough to convince me to wear these shoes every day of the year but in addition to that, I got so many compliments on the look of the shoe. If I had my way, I’d gift a pair to every teacher in my school because they are absolutely that cute and comfortable.
If you’re an athlete looking for a fantastic recovery shoe or someone who spends long hours on their feet and needs extreme comfort without sacrificing fashion, I would strongly suggest giving Telic’s Apres Ski recovery boots a try for yourself. FYI, it also comes in a recovery shoe if boots are not your jam. Those are next on my list. Plus they got the seal of approval from my teen which never happens.
2020/03/07