The TRUTH About Motherhood

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Women, Stop Hating on One Another
So it happened. You know that moment when something just clicks? Well, yesterday something just clicked. I decided to just do it. I am doing it. This morning was the first day.
I’ve been seeing this photo floating around FB of Caroline Berg Eriksen, the Norwegian soccer wife and fitness blogger, in her undies and bra looking like a svelte supermodel four days after giving birth. People are annoyed by her and asking why she would do something like this. People are pissed off. How dare she look that good 4 days after giving birth! It has to be a fake.
Well, not me. I say, Go GIRL! Hell, I don’t know how she did it. I am assuming that she was in pretty damn good shape before giving birth, being a fitness blogger and all and maybe she just has those good genes. We don’t know her story or her struggles. We just saw a picture and got pissed because life isn’t fair. I won’t lie, I’m a little jealous. She’s got my “after” body. You know the body I “hope” to have after getting in losing weight and getting into shape.
My sister-in-law had 4 kids and after every birth, she looked svelte. Of course, she was an athlete and I was not. Both times, I left the hospital at my pre-pregnancy weight, wearing my regular pants, with a muffin top and the best thing that ever happened to me bundled in my arms. As far as I am concerned, I was the luckiest girl in the world. I wish we didn’t all define ourselves by the size of our asses and that we didn’t always compare the size of our asses to everyone else’s asses, but we do.
All summer, I was very diligent about working out. I was walking/jogging 5 days a week and watching and logging every single morsel of food that went into my mouth. It was becoming a habit; a healthy way of living. For someone who has obsessed over her weight for most of her life and then tried to cheat her way to skinny, a shift in my way of thinking and habits was almost a miracle. I was embracing it. I felt proud of myself. Hell, I even felt a little sexy which is something I never feel. My clothes were fitting better and life just seemed brighter. If you’ve ever battled with body image, you know that this was not vanity; this was security.
I felt good about myself and that was something foreign to me but it felt good. Then I went to BlogHer and I fell off the wagon. I was eating whatever I wanted, drinking alcohol to be social and snacking on tiny cheeseburgers at all hours of the night. I just wanted to be normal; enjoy my time with my friends and not worry about food. Fucking food is the bane of my existence but I didn’t just fall off the wagon, I went charging off the wagon head first.
I had every intention of getting back on the wagon when I got back home but I never did. I tried but here I am 5 months later confessing that I gained all the weight back. I am disappointed with myself but instead of doing something about it, I just fed my shame with more carbs and it made matters worse. Since Halloween, all bets have been off. My eating habits have been like a runaway train chocked full of poor choices and absolutely NO.EXERCISE! Every day is a perpetual walk of shame. If you’ve ever been heavy or unsatisfied with the skin you live in, you know what I am talking about.
This is a mighty slippery slope for the girl in recovery from Eating Disorders. I’ve caught myself lately thinking; maybe I should just throw that up. Mostly, I don’t but in all honesty, a couple times I have; silently and quietly and then I find myself thinking, I can do this. But I don’t want to and I don’t let myself but right there in my brain, I know the cheater’s solution. I know how to gain control of this runaway train (or maybe just trade it in for a better looking model). I have little girls and my selfish days are long over, I can’t be that horrible example for them. I need to be better than that, in spite of myself. I need to be strong. I need to be healthy.
I’ve had some very inspirational women present in my life lately; my sister with hard work, exercise and a change in eating habits has changed her life. My friend Erin is bravely facing her challenges in life and getting stronger every day. It’s not easy but she is worth fighting for, finally she knows that. My friend Jenni is one of the strongest women I know and she never gives up. She dusts her self off, does what needs to be done and kicks another day’s ass. My friend Niki always keeps going, even when she is too tired and weary to take another step. She stays positive and never loses sight of what’s important. My friends Amy & Jennifer, they are busting their asses and you can see the changes in their bodies, minds and in their spirits. They are happy and determined. All of these women are changing their lives by making the decision to face the hard choices and to take control when the whole damn thing is out of control. They inspire me. I am happy for them. I support them for being their best even at life’s worst an for persevering even when life’s challenges seem insurmountable. I want to do the same.
I don’t need to knock anyone else down in order for me to stand tall. Who cares if Caroline Berg Eriksen looks unnaturally perfect after giving birth, we don’t know how she’s come to where she is in life and we don’t know her struggles and challenges. Truly, I’ve got plenty to worry about in my own house, like my own weight and making sure I am being a good example to my girls, I don’t have the time or energy to be hating on a new mom who looks fantastic. I’m happy for her because I wouldn’t wish unhappiness with your body on anyone.
I am doing it. Today, I made the decision to stop listening to the self defeating voices in my head and know in my heart that I can do this…the right way. Thank you for the inspiration ladies.
2013/12/03
The First Day of High School was Harder than the first day of Kindergarten

Nothing could have prepared me for my daughter’s first day of high school. I expected there to change. Even expected there to be stress and nervous energy. Definitely, did not expect the first day of high school to be harder than the first day of kindergarten. It was so much worse.
I not the mom who cried in the kindergarten corridor, my girls are stoic. They’re independent and they suck it up. They get that from their daddy. I’m highly emotional. I do suck it up but I always give myself permission to feel my feelings.
READ ALSO: Kindergarten, the beginning of the end
All summer Bella’s joked that she wants to be homeschooled. She’s wanted to be homeschool since about 2^nd grade. Due to demanding dance schedules, Bella’s ballet friends are homeschooled. I never put much weight in it because I work from home. I’ve taught and had classroom time. But teaching your own child is something different entirely so my answer has always been a firm no.
But this summer, she wouldn’t drop it. I assumed she was getting nervous for the change to high school. After all, she’s been at the same school since 1^st grade. But on that first morning, she was overcome with fear and begged me to not make her go.
READ ALSO: The Different Kinds of Moms You Meet on the First Day of School
Do you have any idea how hard that was for me? I’m very close to my girls. We’re a small family, just the 4 of us and they really are my best friends ( I know it’s not cool to say that but in our case, it is true). I don’t say no very often to things they really want. Things yes but not asks of me as a mom. This morning, I had to stand strong and push my baby bird out of the nest, for her own good.
As moms, I think most of us would love to just keep our little ones snuggled up near us forever but that’s not what’s best for them. How can I expect her to be a functioning good human being when I let her shy away from everything that scares her?
The entire car ride to school, she was silently holding back tears. I saw it. I didn’t acknowledge it because, just like when they are toddlers and you make a deal about a booboo, that’s the moment the histrionics begin. I was trying to be stoic because, confession, I am totally the mom who kisses all the booboos and makes a big deal. But I needed to be strong for her.
READ ALSO: Slipping through my Fingers
About a block from the school, we were stopped in traffic and she could see the cars lining up to make the street cross at the yield sign. She could see all the other freshman and realized that she knew none of them. I heard the whimpering as she stifled her cries. My heart broke into a zillion pieces. Be strong, Debi. You can do this. Do it for Bella She needs you. This is not about you. Do NOT fall apart woman. Not turning the car went against all of my mommy instincts.
There we were in the car at drop off on her first official morning of high school. This day was just for incoming freshman. I love that. The student ambassadors were standing outside lining the drop off lanes, holding banners welcoming the new students. Cheerleaders were cheering. Teachers were standing at attention with full-faced smiles. Even the school mascot was standing outside giving out free hugs. I felt comfortable dropping her off in this situation.
I turned to the passenger seat and there say my baby, my firstborn, sobbing from fear of the unknown and no amount of reassurance was going to fix this but neither was letting her not face it. It was now. This was her moment. It was also a really hard parenting moment because I confess, all I wanted to do was grab her in my arms, peel outta there and take her home with me and make it all better. Instead, holding back tears behind my giant Gucci sunglasses, I grabbed her hand, told her that I loved her, kissed her cheek and told her to have the best day. ” I’ll see you soon.”
Looking back at me with her cheetah spotted face, through blubbering from sheer panic and fear, she said, “I hate you, mom.” I knew she didn’t mean it. I knew that was her way of letting me know how very hard this moment was for her. This was her being scared and clinging to anything that would get me to stop the trajectory of our morning. She wanted off. She wanted out. She was terrified and I was the only thing that stood between her and the comfort of how things were.
I cried all the way home. I felt like the worst mom in the history of the world. I felt like I had abandoned her at the moment she needed me most. But I know that I did the right thing because it was one of the hardest things I’ve ever had to do. I had to walk away when my daughter metaphorically had her hands outstretched to me, begging me to rescue her. Instead, I gently pushed her out of the nest. I’m not sure how I’m going to survive when she goes away to college.
READ ALSO: Only 9 more Summers
That’s the thing about being a parent, we have to love them so much that we do what’s best for them, even when it breaks our hearts. We have to let them go, even when all we want to do is hold them tight. We have to love them so hard that they see themselves the way we do. We lift them up, give them courage and self-confidence when they are at their most vulnerable. We watch from the sidelines, with no glory or fanfare, being their biggest cheerleaders for all of their lives. We love them enough to convince them to see that they are as wonderful as we’ve always known they were…since that moment they were first placed upon our chest the moment they were born. As a parent, it’s our responsibility to give our children the best possible education that would cater to their needs and future goals. In fact, you can opt to learn more about best high schools in Raleigh, NC.
What was your child’s first day of school like this year?
2019/08/09
New National Geographic Kids Channel & Bonus ROKU
Update: The winner of the Roku Streaming Stick is Jessica Escobar. Thanks to everyone for entering.
As many of you know, I’m an ambassador for National Geographic Kids. For a second consecutive term I have been named a Nat Geo Kids Insider! Woohoo for me! Well, tonight that means woohoo for you too!
You already know that National Geographic is an amazing non-profit organization that provides awesome educational books, magazines and toys with amazing photos for our children. My girls truly love and enjoy their National Geographic magazine and books. Well, great news, recently National Geographic launched a channel on Roku, featuring a ton of exciting NGK videos that are perfect for your curious kids.
The new National Geographic channel is a video channel for curious kids and families featuring fun facts, animals and adventure. The subscription channel includes award-winning animated series like Mama Mirabelle, Iggy Arbuckle, Toot and Puddle and humorous, live action programming like Amazing Animals and Making Stuff. My girls think it’s awesome and the photography mesmerizes them.
National Geographic Kids’ mission is to inspire kids of all ages to learn about the world and provide quality video programming that sparks a child’s curiosity. With a focus on nature, animals, science, global cultures, exploration and adventure, NG Kids wants to keep the whole family engaged with videos even mom & dad like to watch! Then, continue to learn together by getting outdoors and exploring the great, big world around you.
The Roku Streaming Stick makes it easy to enjoy the best selection of streaming entertainment on TV like Netflix and the National Geographic channel as well as many more. With its compact design, the Roku Streaming Stick plugs discreetly into the HDMI port for a streamlined look that’s ideal for wall-mounted TVs like mine.
Once plugged in, the Roku Streaming Stick lets consumers start streaming from more than 1,500 channels of movies, TV episodes, music, news, sports, kids’ shows and free programming – more channels and genres than any other TV streaming device – and all in up to 1080p HD video.
And in celebration of National Geographic’s new channel, the great people at Roku are providing one Roku Streaming Stick for me to giveaway. So, this is a flash giveaway. It will last from now until Monday, July 14, 2014 at 8 pm EST on Monday night. To enter all you have to do is follow me on Pinterest at https://www.pinterest.com/DeborahCruz/ and leave a comment below telling me your favorite show and the Pinterest account you followed me from.
I’m a National Geographic Kids Insider and was provided a Roku streaming stick to give to one of you.
2014/07/14
How to Lose 100 Pounds in a Year
Want to lose weight fast? Don’t we all. I’ve been wanting to lose 100 pounds for years but I never did it. But, not because it was impossible but because I wasn’t ready. I wasn’t ready to commit to all the things I needed to do to lose the weight. It’s not hard to lose 100 pounds, but it is a lot of work. A lot of work and it won’t happen overnight. If it does, you may want to go see your doctor because something is probably wrong.
READ ALSO: The Burden of Being a Fat Woman
To lose weight, you need to make up your mind, seriously, that you are ready to lose the weight. You need to go into it knowing that it will take time. It will require sacrifice. It’s not a diet. It’s a lifestyle change. You will have to dedicate yourself to pursuing this for as long as it takes, maybe forever. It is common knowledge that supplements can improve health and have a long list of benefits. Good thing there are effective dietary supplements like Carbofix which can help us further in our weight loss efforts. More about this particular supplement on Carbofix reviews.
The good news is that you can unlearn bad habits and form new habits in about 3 weeks time. 3 weeks is a long time when you are adjusting to reducing carbs and calories. 3 weeks is a long time when you are just starting to move and work out but it’s only 3 weeks.
How to lose weight without feeling like you’re being punished.
After 3 weeks, moving will become a habit. Believe it or not, you will begin to crave it and even enjoy it. You’ll look forward to your morning walk or workout especially if you use the best shapewear. I promise you will. Your body will adjust to your new way of eating. The bad foods will stop tasting as good and the good foods will start to taste better. You will learn to live in your new normal. You will find that after 3 weeks, it doesn’t feel restrictive. This is a lifestyle change so everything in moderation. Don’t put anything off limits or your mind will want it more.
What am I doing to lose weight aside from changing how I eat?
I am developing a healthy relationship with food for the first time, honestly, in my entire life. Food is fuel.
Am I still a foodie? Yes, you can be a foodie without being a glutton. I eat everything in moderation and a weigh and measure before it goes in my mouth. No more mindless eating. No more stress or comfort eating. I’m having to face my issues. It is hard. No more asking for forgiveness. It’s all about permission now and allowing myself to be human. If you want to be guided by a professional, you can seek help from a personal Macro Coaching expert to plan your diet effectively.
I’m eating fewer carbs and less sugar, and eating more vegetables and whole foods. That’s it.
READ ALSO: How a Doctor’s Visit Saved My Life
I’m moving.
Moving doesn’t need to mean going to the gym or getting a Peloton, even though I still want one of those. For me, it means alternating between CIZE by Beachbody ( I started with the 30-minute video and just upped to the 45-minute one) and the BBG app. It can mean just walking.I’m still pretty overweight and out of shape so BBG is hard for me so I modify and on some days, I even do the postpartum workout because it’s what I can do. In the past few weeks, I’ve also added walking 45 minutes a day (when it’s not raining out.) The point is that I am making a conscious choice to move and more importantly, I’m making the time and not excuses. Excuses are what got me here in the first place. Although, after implementing this diet plan to lose weight I haven’t tried anything else, it’s quick and effective.
Forgiving myself for not being perfect.
I am a human. I am taking one day at a time. Losing this kind of weight and fighting for your life is not a sprint, it’s a long ass cross country race and it takes time. There will be slip ups and plateaus. But with the one day at a time mentality, one foot in front of the other, it’s just one moment of my journey and that one slip up does not define me. Neither does the size of my pants.
Loving myself.
I never thought I could truly love myself. As I said, I am a perfectionist with control issues. I am my harshest critic. I love big and fearlessly when it comes to others but I’ve never been able to look at myself that way. I’m learning to love me. I’m prioritizing me. I am as important as the people I love. I’m beginning to see the good in me. The gifts that I offer the world.
READ ALSO: Sugar is a drug and I was an addict.
Letting others be there for me.
This is another thing that has always been hard for me. I love being people’s rock but I hate hinging my happiness on others so I never do. I’m always afraid they will fail me. But after 20 years of marriage to the Big Guy, he has always been there for me. I always say that he saved my life when we met because that’s when I stopped the anorexia. Well, he’s doing it again. He’s all in and so are my girls and my friends and family. I have received so much love, encouragement and support from so many of you. It means everything to me. You all inspire me.
This is how you lose 100 pounds.
Well, actually the end goal is 111 pounds. It’s not about starving yourself. It’s about loving yourself, forgiving yourself and prioritizing yourself enough to take the time, have the patience and put in the effort to get healthy. If you are considering trying a supplement, make sure to read a review first. For example, this Leanbean review shows a lot of the factors you should consider before buying a product.
To be honest, the end goal is not even a number on the scale for me. The end goal is being completely healthy and on no medication. The goal is to live as long as I can to see my girls grow up, my grandchildren be born and grow up and get married. The goal is to be happy, love myself as unconditionally as I love my family and to feel good in my own skin; to be around to see as many sunsets with my husband as life will allow.
What are you doing to take care of you?
2019/07/02
The Moments that Take Your Breath Away
This is a sponsored post written by me on behalf of the Home Run Inn pizza.
Have you ever had one of those days that are so hectic that you just can’t seem to catch your breath? As parents, those early days seem so long and exhausting and we spend a lot of the time wishing for tomorrow when things will be easier. Suddenly, they begin to fly by and in the blink of an eye, their childhood is slipping through your fingers. Days that used to be filled with random hugs and holding helpless little babies are suddenly filled, from sunrise to sunset, with scheduled activities and obligations. Blink once more and your once “helpless” baby is leaving home for college.
When we are in the thick of parenting a small child, it’s easy to forget to “live in the moment” and enjoy the subtle nuances of motherhood. Who can think of stepping back and enjoying a moment when you are overwhelmed by a toddler and a newborn who are depending on you for everything, right.this.moment? It’s nearly impossible to relax enough to enjoy parenting when you are actually parenting, if you are not reminded. Parenting is challenging work. It’s taken me a couple years to figure this out but I’ve realized, making memories is not about buying the perfect toy or throwing the perfect birthday party.It’s not about the “perfect” thing. It’s not the Christmas gifts or the extravagance of the family vacations that your children will look back on in 30 years and remember about their childhood. It’s about how they felt in those moments; how it smelled, tasted, looked and sounded. That’s what they will remember.

I still remember Sunday mornings in our house growing up, the house always smelled like gravy and biscuits. I know that we all went to church and wore our Sunday best but what I remember most vividly and fondly are the smells of breakfast cooking after mass. The laughter that filled the house as we all joked around together. The sight of my brothers and sisters talking or my dad sneaking a quick kiss from my mom, when they thought no one was paying attention, as he peeked in to see how much longer until breakfast was ready. I have no idea what the clothes we wore were or how much they cost. It’s all about the way it felt to be there in that kitchen on those Sunday mornings. That’s what I want for my girls.I want them to one day look back fondly on our time together and long for that time and space.
In our house, Friday night is family night. We all know this. We never make plans with anyone else. There are no date nights, activities scheduled or birthday party invites accepted. Friday nights are just for the four of us. It usually means take out and watching television or a movie together but sometimes it means a frozen pizza, eaten on the couch as we laugh and enjoy each other’s company. I grew up in the Chicagoland area, so I sometimes choose Home Run Inn pizza. Not only does it remind me of home, it’s also all natural and made with real cheese and no preservatives, so I can feel good about feeding it to my family.

I know in 30 years my girls won’t remember what movie we watched together, who wore what or even what we ate but they will remember the gooey cheese filled smiles, the laughter, the unconditional love and acceptance that you feel in those moments shared with people you love. Maybe someday when they are having family night with their own children and the smell of pizza wafts through the house, they will remember two things 1) how unconditionally and completely loved they were by us and 2) to stop , look around and enjoy those moments with their own children.
Have you tried Home Run Inn pizza before? What taste transports you back to a favorite memory?

Disclosure: This is a sponsored post written by me on behalf of the Home Run Inn pizza.
Photo: Webb Zahn, SitsGirls
2014/02/15
When the Patient Portal Surprises You with Cancer
Does your doctor use a patient portal? Sounds great, right? I’m tech savvy. I hate waiting for people to “get back to me”. I am all about the technological advancements and if I can get my results instantly online, why wait? Right?
Well, up until last week, I would have whole-heartedly agreed with you. I am impatient. I don’t like waiting on results. It stresses me the eff out. Like seriously, sends my blood pressure up and occupies my every waking moment. I fixate. The unknown scares the hell out of me.
The known, I can do something about. I can formulate a plan, make a checklist, do what I’m supposed to do to check things off the checklist and unlock the next level. That is how I work. You give me a challenge; I find the solution. I don’t like unfinished things. I need to see, pursue and conquer. It’s how I’m wired.
READ ALSO: That One Time I thought I was Having A Heart Attack
It’s been a busy month, with lots of surprises and not all surprises that I wanted. Last Monday, my world came crashing down around my feet. I got that news the good old fashioned way, face-to-face. Thank God because I needed to see my doctor’s face when she reassured me “everything was reversible.” Whew. Terrifying but fixable.
I’m used to things not going perfectly but when I was told that my health was failing, well, it shook me to my very core. Like reevaluate your entire life, wade through the murky facts that you could die and then pull yourself up by your bootstraps and fix it. I won’t lie, the first three days of last week after getting the news, were hard for me.
There were meds and a complete lifestyle change. My life felt in upheaval; complete chaos and it left me depressed. I’ve not done depressed many times in my life. Honestly, I’m mostly manic but when life throws you these kinds of curveballs it’s too much and all you can do is feel your feelings, accept your new reality, grieve and move on. That’s what I’ve been doing.
READ ALSO: When Cancer’s on the Table
The thing is it scared me straight. Maybe it’s a blessing in disguise but last Monday, my life was shattered into 1 million pieces and I had to look mortality straight in the face. My mind said, “Not today Satan…not today.” But after all was said and done, I changed because I had to. To live, I have to suck it all up and move forward on a new path. Eat right. Portion control. Exercise. Make better choices. Take meds. Repeat. This is my new reality.
It’s not easy but it’s the way it has to be. So, I wallowed in self-pity and carb withdrawal headaches for most of last week. But, this past Monday, when I went to the doctor she told me that I lost 9 lbs., my blood pressure is in the normal range and my sugar levels have come down considerably…almost to normal from 200. All great news. My doctor is very proud of me and I’m pretty proud of myself too. We all know my relationship with food has never been right.
However, TUESDAY was another story. I am still adjusting to meds and feeling a little weird. There have been daily calls into the doctor’s office. I’m sure the nurses have my picture on a bulletin board and I am labeled “frequent caller or send directly to voicemail.” On Monday, my doctor gently urged me to sign up for the new patient portal. Which I’ve always belonged to because of the aforementioned control freak who doesn’t like to wait for people to call her back with results.
READ ALSO: How a Simple Doctor’s Visit Might Save My Life
Monday night, I completed the registration for the new patient portal and logged in at bedtime. As I was reading through my chart and diagnoses, I saw one that I didn’t recognize. Sure I had a lot on my mind when she was telling me I had diabetes and high blood pressure but I heard everything…or did I?
Because right there in my patient portal was a diagnosis for what, when googled, was bone marrow cancer!!! Yes, you read that right. My chart said I have bone marrow cancer but either I went temporarily deaf or my doctor forgot to tell me. Everyone was sleeping. I was hyperventilating. I.Have.Bone.Marrow. Cancer. It kept repeating on a loop in my brain.
I made myself go to sleep. There was nothing else I could do but….think. I woke up at 2 a.m. and I emailed my doctor through the patient portal. I asked her, “Do I have cancer? You told me everything I had was reversible.” Then my mind ran through all of the scenarios and for a brief few minutes, I thought to myself….I can reverse high blood pressure and diabetes but bone marrow cancer? It’s too much. I’m broken.
READ ALSO: When Mental Health is Marginalized
But then, I thought to myself, “ Wait an effing minute. You can’t just give up YOU.HAVE.THE BIG GUY AND THE GIRLS TO THINK ABOUT. Immediately, I rationalized with myself that if I had bone marrow cancer, I’d have to find a way to beat that too. I heard my mom’s voice, “Where there’s a will, there is always a way.” I finally fell back to sleep.
Of course, I had to drive for a field trip for the 8th-grade graduation mass at the Cathedral. I guess there’s no better place to be than mass praying while you’re having the worst morning of your life, take 2 in as many weeks.
I asked the Big Guy, my husband not God, “She’d have told me if I had cancer, right? She’d have to, right?” He assured she would have but his face looked like he wasn’t sure. This poor guy. My warranty has run out and I’m falling apart just 20 years into this marriage thing.
READ ALSO: How Scrambled Eggs made my Marriage Sexy
I didn’t want to freak out the girls so I didn’t say anything. I just went on like normal while I was casually freaking out on the inside. I couldn’t take it anymore and while I was waiting for a carload of 8^th graders to get in my car, I called the doctor’s office over and over until I got a human being.
Finally, my nurse answered the phone. I told her what I saw and asked, “She’d have told me if I had bone marrow cancer, right? She’d have to, right? That would be unethical to send me on my way without making a plan and starting treatment. For the love of God, I WANT TO LIVE. HELP ME!!”
My nurse said, “Debi let me check your file and yes, she would most definitely have said something to you if you had cancer.” I was frantic. The kids were walking towards the car but I couldn’t end this call until I knew one way or the other.
READ ALSO: When Your Period Attacks
“Debi there is nothing in your chart or the notes about you having cancer of the bone marrow or otherwise. I am so sorry that you were so scared. If there was something wrong, she would have told you and it would definitely be in the chart. It gave me a random diagnosis before too. It just inserts weird stuff sometimes.” And with that, I had a mini psychotic breakdown because for 12 hours I had bone marrow cancer. I don’t find the patient portal’s behavior to be acceptable.
I’ve never prayed so hard or sung so loud in mass before. Talk about a grateful life. Every day is a gift. Every minute and moment sent on this earth is precious. That was my week. It’s been a crazy one. I’ll tell you one thing, I may never look at that patient portal for as long as I live because it almost killed me.

2019/05/17
Teen Takeover! Planning a Trip Your Teens Won’t Whine About
Estimated reading time: 6 minutes
Hey Mamas (and Papas!), remember those pre-teen years when vacations meant building sandcastles and begging for ice cream? Those glorious spring breaks where everyone went with the flow? Sure, you had to carry an ass ton of extras to keep them entertained but in the end, it was absolutely worth it. Yeah, those days are officially over. Now, we’re facing a new foe: the dreaded planning a trip your teens won’t whine about and you might actually enjoy. Don’t get me wrong, I LOVE traveling with my teens (it’s my favorite thing to do) but life would be easier without the “cool, bruh.”
The mere mention of a family trip can be met with eye rolls, dramatic sighs, and monosyllabic responses. Don’t worry, you’re not alone. It happens to the best of us. My girls even refer to me as “cool” on occasion and I get all the eye rolls. Planning a trip that appeals to both your inner wanderlust and your teen’s ever-evolving interests can feel like navigating a minefield. But fear not, fellow travelers! This mama is here to equip you with secret weapons to conquer the Teen Travel Whine and plan a trip EVERYONE will love. Yes, even that youngest, most entitled and champion “cool, bruh” one.
Embrace the Collaboration (Without Losing Control)
First things first, ditch the “Surprise! We’re going to Disney!” tactic. Just kidding. Maybe for typical teens but my girls are die-hard Disney teens. We go every year and every year it’s.the.best.time.ever! Teens crave a sense of ownership, so ditch the dictator routine and turn trip planning into a collaborative mission. Dust off that dusty world map (or whip out your phone) and gather your little squad. Get their travel vibes flowing by browsing travel blogs, Instagram accounts, and travel magazines together.
Pro Tip: Let them dream big! Even if a trip to the Maldives is out of budget, exploring their wildest travel desires can spark inspiration for more realistic options.
Location, Location, Location:
Now, the fun part! Once you have a general idea of what kind of trip your teen is digging (beach bumming, city exploration, adventure junkie, etc.), start brainstorming destinations that cater to both your interests. Here are some Teen-Approved Hotspots:
- Adventure Awaits! For the thrill-seekers, consider national parks like Yosemite or Yellowstone, where hiking, camping, and white-water rafting will have them screaming with excitement (in a good way!). If international travel is on the agenda, Costa Rica offers a perfect blend of adventure and relaxation. Ziplining through rainforests, horseback riding on volcanic beaches, and learning to surf – enough adrenaline to keep those teenage spirits soaring.
- City Slickers Unite! Let your teen unleash their inner urban explorer in a vibrant city like New Orleans, overflowing with live music, historic sites, and mouthwatering food (beignets, anyone?). London, with its iconic landmarks, museums galore, and a thriving theater scene, is another fantastic option. Explore hidden alleyways, catch a West End show, and maybe even take a day trip to explore the magic of Harry Potter Studios.
- Beach Bums Welcome! Who doesn’t love a relaxing beach getaway? But ditch the all-inclusive resorts and opt for a location with some personality. Tulum, Mexico, offers stunning beaches, ancient Mayan ruins to explore, and a bohemian vibe your teen will love. The Outer Banks in North Carolina boasts beautiful beaches, charming towns, and even wild horses to keep everyone entertained.
Activities: It’s All About the Experiences
Okay, you’ve nailed the destination. Now, let’s make sure there’s enough action to keep everyone from getting bored (especially those with short attention spans cough teenagers cough).
Pro Tip: Remember, vacations are about creating lasting memories, so prioritize experiences over souvenirs.
Here are some ideas to keep your teens engaged:
- Food Tours: Turn mealtimes into mini-adventures with a food tour that explores the local cuisine. From chowing down on tacos in Mexico City to sampling dim sum in Hong Kong, these tours offer a delicious way to experience a new culture.
- Get Creative: Does your teen have an artistic soul? Seek out workshops or classes that allow them to learn a new skill like pottery making, glass blowing, or graffiti art. This is a fantastic way to create a unique souvenir and a fun memory.
- Volunteer for a Cause: Looking for a way to give back on your trip? Look into volunteer opportunities with local organizations. This could be anything from helping to build a school in a developing country to working at an animal shelter. Not only is it a rewarding experience, but it allows your teen to connect with the local community on a deeper level.
Don’t Forget the “Me Time” Factor
Remember, a vacation is supposed to be relaxing and enjoyable for EVERYONE, including yourself!
Pro Tip: Factor in “me-time” for everyone. Let your teens explore their own interests for a few hours, whether it’s browsing vintage shops or catching a movie. You can head to a museum, get a massage, or simply relax on a beach lounger with a good book.
This isn’t about abandoning your teens on a deserted island (tempting as it may sound sometimes!), but rather creating opportunities for everyone to recharge and pursue their individual interests.
Here are some ideas to create that “me-time” magic:
- Teen Time: Negotiate a few hours where your teens can explore the city (or beach, or wherever you are) on their own. This could involve browsing vintage shops, catching a local band’s gig, or simply hanging out with friends they may have made on the trip.
- Adult Adventures: Schedule an activity just for you! Whether it’s a solo museum visit, a relaxing spa treatment, or enjoying a quiet coffee at a local cafe, this dedicated “me-time” allows you to unwind and recharge.
Embrace the Unexpected
Travel is all about creating memories, and sometimes the best ones are the ones you don’t plan. Leave some room for spontaneity on your trip!
Here are some ways to embrace the unexpected:
- Get Lost (Safely): Instead of sticking rigidly to your itinerary, allow some time to wander and explore. You might stumble upon a hidden gem of a restaurant, a charming local market, or a quirky street performance – these unexpected finds can become the highlights of your trip.
- Be Open to New Experiences: Don’t shy away from trying something new, even if it’s outside your comfort zone. Whether it’s trying a local dish you can’t pronounce, taking a salsa dancing lesson, or going on a spontaneous hike, embracing new experiences can create lasting memories and stories to tell for years to come.
- Go with the Flow: Things don’t always go according to plan, especially when traveling. Flights might get delayed, museums might be closed, or the weather might not cooperate. Instead of getting stressed, take a deep breath and roll with the punches. These unexpected hiccups can actually lead to some hilarious stories down the road.
- The Loss Of Items: It can be tough if you lose things when you’re on your trip. Nobody likes it but it happens nonetheless. Instead of getting stressed out and panicked about it, remember that there’s always a solution. Where there’s a will, there is always a way. If you lose your phone, look for it, track it, see where it is. If you’re like me ( ADHD brain) backtrack and you will find it, even if it take a while. If you lose your travel money card, see if someone back home can do a money transfer to Mexico or wherever you are until you get back. There are always solutions, try not to panic.
**Remember, Mamas (and Papas, too), a successful family vacation isn’t about achieving Instagram-perfect moments. It’s about creating shared experiences, fostering connection, and making memories that will last a lifetime. So ditch the stress, embrace the chaos, and get ready to have the best family vacation ever!
Bonus Tip: Don’t forget to document your adventures! Encourage your teens to take photos, capture videos, and jot down their thoughts in a travel journal. These little mementos will be precious treasures you can all look back on and reminisce about long after the tan lines fade.
Now, go forth and plan that epic trip your whole family (even the teens!) will be raving about!**
2024/03/05
How To Make Home Maintenance Easier
Estimated reading time: 6 minutes
Let’s be real, nobody likes to be in charge of home maintenance. Sure, I love having a beautifully landscaped yard but I hate getting up every day and having to water, prune, weed and repeat every.single.day. Just like I love a clean house but it is my least favorite thing to do with my time and I am not alone.^.
According to a recent study, 6 8% of moms feel “guilty” that their home is not clean enough. However, between work, caring for your children and trying to maintain a social life (if you mean going to the grocery store, attending school functions and trying to squeeze in a daily walk for exercise… sure, we’ll say moms have social lives) , finding time to dedicate to cleaning can feel near-impossible. Believe me, when I have a free moment to myself the last thing I want to do is work. Can’t a mom just binge her favorite K-pop show in her bed, alone in silence?
Fortunately, you do not have to sacrifice your sleep or put yourself on the path to mom burnout in order to keep your home in a nice condition. Believe me, I’m talking from a place of hard earned wisdom. No chore is worth the panic attack. As long as the kids are fed and loved, your partner’s not completely ignored and everyone is healthy… you, my dear, are winning at life.
With that in mind, here are a few simple steps you can follow to make home maintenance easier!
Don’t let clutter control you. I have ADHD. Piles of clutter ( AKA folded clean laundry that never makes it to the closet) is my state of being. It used to overwhelm me but it’s not worth it. Clutter is likely one of the main reasons why your home feels messy. Clutter can make even the cleanest of rooms appear highly disorganized. Not only that, but studies have shown it can also be bad for your mental health! I told you.
Now is the perfect time to take control of household clutter, as opposed to letting it control you. There are many methods you can try here, from the famous Marie Kondo method to simply getting into the habit of putting things away after you have finished using them. Pro tip: If all else fails, do what I do. ( Shhh, don’t tell my mother-in-law). Move the chaos to rooms visitors don’t see. ( Maybe a spare room on the second floor or a defunct craft room in the basement that no one uses). Then you can get to it ( or not) when you have the time to get it organized. Mine is scheduled for September 2025 ( when both girls will be away at college).
Take preventative action. Another way in which you can make home maintenance as easy as possible is by taking action to prevent common maintenance issues. For example, you can install gutter guards to prevent clogs, blockages or other forms of damage to your gutters. This is such a simple preventative action but most of us don’t think of it until our gutters are overflowing. Believe me, you will be glad that you did.
Draw up a chores chart. Believe it or not, you are not the only person in the household responsible for keeping it in good order, even though it often feels like it. Setting your children age-appropriate chores is a great way to reduce your workload. It is also known to help children become more organized and responsible. In short, it sets “the stage for becoming independent and succ essful.” While ticking their chores off the chart can be rewarding in itself, you may want to offer some other incentives, too! We started this when the girls were in preschool. We started with simple things like picking up and putting away their toys or bringing their dishes to the sink from the table. As teens, they do things like cooking dinner, folding laundry (SCORE) and running errands ( that I’d rather not do like grocery shopping).
If everyone helps out, that will definitely make home maintenance easier
Spend fifteen minutes a day cleaning. As mentioned above, it can often be difficult to make time in your schedule to deep clean your home. After all, it’s estimated that a top-to-bottom clean of a family home can take upwards of six hours to complete. But who says you have to do everything at once? Thanks to ADHD, this mom cleans every room in the whole house at the same time so I never finish. It would be comical if it weren’t actually true. If you’ve got that neuro spicy brain that so many of us do, give yourself some grace. Embrace my new motto, not perfect…done.
If you can, dedicate roughly fifteen to twenty minutes a day to cleaning tasks, whether that be laundry , Windexing the mirrors and windows or vacuuming ( get a Roomba and take that one off your list). This way, you’re working through all of the essential home maintenance tasks without having to stay up late into the night. Providing that you complete tasks on rotation also means that you’re not letting any tasks fall off your radar. But if you need to, no worries, they’ll still be there tomorrow. Unfortunately for us, and contrary to what our families seem to believe, the cleaning fairy does not come at night.
Oh, but if it were true, home maintenance would be a breeze
Pro tip: If everyone that lives in the house jumps in and helps, you can deep clean a 3000 square foot home ( at least the first floor) in just under 2 hours. Remember that mom…work smarter, not harder. No one likes us when we’re tired and grumpy. So, let’s all clean hard for 2 hours on Saturday morning ( after 10 though, people deserve to sleep in) and let’s all be happy. Also, remember to eat and drink your water!
Remember that you don’t live in a show home. While you may feel under pressure to maintain a certain standard of cleanliness within your home, it is important to remember that you live in a family home – not a show home. Things don’t have to remain picture-perfect all the time. What matters is you are managing a safe space for your little ones, your big ones and yourself! Your home should be your sanctuary, not something else to add to your never ending to-do list.
If all else fails, girl, chuck it all in the f*ck it bucket. Let all those worries take a vacation.
2024/06/19