Well, there is an abundance of candidates this week for Throat punch Thursday, as you can see from my previous CNN streaming posts. Apparently, the world is coming to an end with all these maniacs on the loose. I really was a tortured soul trying to decide who was the biggest douche bag this week and deserved the coveted and well deserved throat punch. You know the Lopez family who brutalized that little 5 month old? Well, they were the forerunner. I really thought they had it in the bag. Then ,something more personal came along.You see, in the right hand column of my blog I post the blogs that I personally love. These are not just blogs that follow me or that giveaway the best prizes, no these gals are my support system. They are who I turn to when I need understanding, a good laugh, wit, but mostly sisterhood. Other Mommies who I can relate to and are pretty damn good writers as well. That’s why I feature them in that column under the header “BLOGS I LOVE”. They exemplify sisterhood and what Motherhood is really about… being able to laugh at yourself and enjoying the journey, all the while letting other Mommies know they are not alone in this craziness and that its ok to be human. We all write our blogs for different reasons; for some its just to chronicle their childrens lives, some its a business opportunity a way to feel useful and contribute to the family finances, for some its catharsis, some its for sisterhood, for some its to expand their writing horizons and for others its for all of thee above. No matter the reason, they are sharing their lives. WE share our successes and our stumbles so that others may know that they are not alone and being imperfect is all a part of being a good parent. We offer the most precious thing we have to offer, we give ourselves. It’s humbling and freeing. When the feedback is good, we feel amazing and when it is bad,we take it personally. No grudges, normally, but it still stings the soul just a bit. There are ways to do things without being an asshole. You know what I mean. A backhanded compliment is always better than a “YOU SUCK!” It’s rude, even if you’re not trying to be. My point being the winner of the Throat Punch goes to the reader who commented on a fellow bloggers site and told her “Not to be Rude” ( that’s never good) then the comment went on to state that the blog isn’t up to the standard it used to be and this person is concerned that she is going to lose followers.Wow! When did we get the blog police? Or maybe she is just a concerned citizen making a citizens blog arrest. If the lady really cared maybe she should have asked.”Are you OK? From your blog, I know you’ve been sick and so has your child. Feel better!” But to kick someone when they are so obviously already not feeling well, that’s big time douchery in my book! To make it even worse, the commenter doesn’t even have her own blog. So, she has no idea what it takes to maintain a blog. She probably isn’t even a Mom, explaining why she has no tolerance for a busy Mommy with a sick baby! I know that when we open our lives up to people in our blogs we are inviting them in. It’s like”Hey come on in, have a seat , lets drink some coffee ( or wine) and have a chat!” It’s pretty rude, when they come in and throw the coffee in your face, flip the table and say “What a dirty house! Can’t you get up off your lazy ass and clean once in awhile!” Not to be rude, but I’m just saying! So, this weeks Throat Punch goes to the anonymous reader who left the shitty comment for the sick Mommy blogger( the operative world being Mommy. I mean how much do we have on our plates just raising our little pieces of perfection. Do we really need to be insulted that we are dropping the ball elsewhere?)! Shame on you! Now, come over here so I can punch you in the throat!
Apparently this is newsworthy these days. Interesting. I’ve seen a shot similar tot his many times. All along, I thought I was doing God’s work and feeding my daughters, not being pornographic and newsworthy. This is a picture that Modern Family’s Julie Bowen took of herself breastfeeding her twin boys. We’ve all got these pictures. It’s just something to commemorate the moment. In our minds, its such a precious moment to capture.She appeared on the View back in the fall and they would not air the picture, stating that it was too racy. In fact, they never even aired her spot. I’m not sure why she would want to share the picture on national TV but I certainly don’t think she had pornographic intentions when doing so. The big buzz about the picture comes after she appeared on George Lopez last week and the picture resurfaced.
‘Modern Family”s Julie Bowen Double Breastfeeds Her Twins (PHOTO, VIDEO)
How is it OK for Beyonce to dance around with her ass hanging out of everything on television but its pornographic to show a picture of two babies feeding? How have our values become so skewed?
Second baby syndrome is real and anyone who says it isn’t is a damn liar. Fast forward to two years after the birth of baby Bella. We were blissfully happy with a gorgeous, though demanding toddler (whom I was completely in love with) who wanted all of my time, every single waking moment. She had decided long ago that co-sleeping was the thing for her, and was still in our bed, with no end in sight. Not that I minded, it was comforting to see her tiny cherubesque face in the middle of the night as she head butted me when I awoke for the 100th time to pee because I was 9+ months pregnant. It made it hard to bask in the glory of the pregnancy of baby number 2, when baby number 1 was still a baby.
The second time, I only gained 18, ok 20, lbs. But for some reason I seemed a lot larger. It was pregnancy 2.0 and I was like Godzilla. The first pregnancy was nothing like the second pregnancy. I didn’t start showing until I was 8-months pregnant. I looked a little thicker in the waist but at my baby shower (2 months before my daughter was born) people were teasing me that I didn’t look pregnant. And I really didn’t, well, only in my ass.
There I was, bigger than before ever, chasing a sprinting toddler who had the energy of a boxer puppy on crack cocaine, I was absolutely drained. I had all day sickness for 4 months. It was so bad that I had to wear sea sick bands! I looked pretty ridiculous. Motherhood is hard, y’all.
No one was quite as impressed that I was pregnant the second time around. Don’t get me wrong, we were all ecstatic. We planned for baby #2, and got pregnant right away, it was just different because the time that I used to bask in all of my procreating glory last time, was now being used to shuttle a 2-year-old to classes, play dates, and constantly trying to explain and prepare her for her coming soon baby sister. I had to prepare myself to go through labor again and come out the other end the mother of two kids.
I was obsessed with making baby # 1 not feel left out or abandoned by the pending arrival of baby #2 so much so that when I actually did go into labor, I only stayed at the hospital long enough to give birth, spend the night and then I went home. I was there about 32 hours total. I blame it on the screen saver on my cell phone. It was my 2-year-old smiling like she was the center of my universe and the guilt that she had to make room for someone else, gutted me completely. The betrayal.
I loaded up my brand spanking new baby girl, all the mega maxi pads with wings, mesh panties and Dermoplast they would give me and I went home. But bringing home baby was different than the first time. There was no 15-mile an hour drive home. Step on it, Jeeves, I’ve got a baby at home that needs me. There was no time to recoup as a family. The Big Guy took a week of paternity leave and we took turns staying up with a colicky, jaundiced newborn and quelling the fear of lemurs under beds, singing Wiggles songs and dealing with regression. Second babies are exhausting.
What once was a mandatory 6-weeks before we went out into the world was a day. I had a newborn who needed to be checked. I had a 2-year-old who had classes to attend and play dates. I couldn’t punish her plus, I didn’t want this to be the beginning of years of therapy and sibling rivalry. What used to be packing the equivalent of luggage to leave the house became keys, diapers, wipes, a bottle, snacks and a stroller. Believe me, it was twice the babies and 1/2 the stuff. Baby wrangling is hard, folks.
I spent a lot of those first few weeks reevaluating what motherhood should look like. You know it’s so easy to be a great parent when you don’t have children but once you add real life, breathing, children who you love more than life itself to the mix, things get a little less black and white. I broke all of my own rules. Wiggles in the middle of the night? Sure. Co-sleeping? Absolutely. 5-second rule for the binky, hell yeah! Bottle when needed if the breasts don’t provide enough. Yes, a thousand times yes. Don’t sweat the things that you can’t change. Love your children and do what works for your family. That’s the good stuff; all the love.
It means you have a second baby to love and twice the love to receive in return. Who gives a shit if your house looks like it’s been hit by a Tornado? Who cares if your legs haven’t been shaved in 3 weeks. Look at their faces. That is unconditional love and it’s priceless. They grow up. Way too fast. Your house won’t be dirty forever. Before you know it, they won’t need you for everything and soon after that they will need you for even less. Enjoy every minute of it now.
Snowflake, be still my beating heart. Saturday, the day we’d been waiting for for the past 3 years finally happened.Ella started ballet when she was 3 and since then has been longing, planning for the day when she would be in our city’s ballet production of the Nutcracker. I remember the first days of taking her to ballet class, she was so nervous and uncoordinated. She was practically a baby in her pink tights, leotard and ballet slippers. She was so small, it was difficult to even find shoes that fit her appropriately. But like all things she sets her mind to, Ella achieves what she desires. She doesn’t really understand limitations. I like it that way. I hope she never loses that. Saturday was one of the destinations that this journey has been headed towards. Saturday was the first time she was old enough to audition. We woke up Saturday morning. I was nauseated from nerves. Ella was excited. As I put on her tights and leotard, I could feel the stress building inside me. While pulling her hair back into her ballerina knot, I was almost brought to tears by the thought of what if she isn’t chosen. She has been looking forward to this day for over half of her short life. As she pulled on her rain boots, I realized this was one of those defining moments in her life. This was the day she either became a performing ballerina or the first day she experienced rejection.Either way, I was nervous for her.
We walk in to the dance theater and register. The place is packed full of a range of ballerinas. I immediately start sizing my girl up to every other ballerina in sight. After getting her into her slippers, her father and I offer some words of encouragement. At this point, I am pretty much vomiting a little bit in my mouth. Ella is unphased. She just wants to get on with it and get her part. Her confidence is inspirational.
She locates a couple of competition her friends from class. They squeal at the sight of one another. All of us Moms breathe a sigh of relief that we are not sending our girls to the wolves alone. Then it happens. They call for the 5-7 age group. With a kiss for good luck and a smile, we send our girl off to her fate. I say a little prayer. We are all praying our little 5 year olds get to be mice ( standard part for that age group) in the Nutcracker.
Time passed s-l-o-w-l-y. I watch her ascend the stairs, my little girl, and I realize this is just one more of those firsts in life that I can not do for her. She is excited and a little nervous, but mostly excited. I am a half a breath away from falling to the ground and assuming the fetal position.
We wait for her to return. And wait. And wait some more. A half hour later, part of the group ascends the stairs. I hold my breath and wait for Ella to appear. One of her classmates comes down, her mother is standing, waiting with me. She is carrying a letter. She has the part! She is a MOUSE! Hurrah!
Uh oh! The mice have been cast. Where is my Ella? Oh, no my worst fears are coming true. She is not a mouse. All I could think was, she will be heart broken. Pull it together Debi. You have to be strong for your girl. I was going over all my pep talks in my head. “It’s OK, next year we can try again”, ” You are a great dancer, there were a lot of little girls trying out and everyone deserves a chance”, “Mommy loves you, these people are stupid (LOL,I’d never say that..well, probably not)”. I shot my husband an “Oh Shit” look. He gave me the “breathe woman” look, as usual. I congratulated the other little girl. She was so proud.
Then ,15 minutes later, another group is released. I see Ella. She is holding an envelope. All I could think of was “how the hell am I going to explain why she’s not a mouse”. She walked over to me all smiles ( poor unsuspecting fool). I asked her how the audition went. She thought it went fabulous. She used to be taught by the director ( who was actually at audition selection) and she was just so exited to see Ms.Prima Ballerina. It’s really all that she cared about. Then I took the envelope out of her hands, I braced myself, and I opened it.Deep breath!
She wasn’t a mouse. She was a SNOWFLAKE! It’s a bigger, more advanced part and she gets to wear a white tutu , with a tiara and dance as snow falls onto stage. She was happy. Her Daddy and sister were proud and happy for her. I was relieved and so full of pride of my little girl that I thought I might bust at the seams. I texted every family member we have, on both sides, and told them to pencil in the weekend of December 10-12 to come and see our Ella in her stage debut as a snowflake. Her first performance as a ballerina will be attended by every family member who can make it. There will be a showering of flowers and love on our little girl at a diner in her honor. It will be a night she will not forget. And to think,
Ella, you are always Mommy’s Prima Bellarini. I am so proud of you. You will not be capable of understanding this feeling that I have until you have your own child. It is more than any pride than I have ever felt in myself. I love you! 9/11/10 First Audition date ever. We have our very own Snowflake this holiday season.
My 4 year old daughter has wanted to be a “movie star” since she saw Eloise goes to Hollywood. Not that I think she really knows what that means or what it entails but I have convinced myself that I will never be the shatterer of hopes and dreams when it comes to my girls. If they want to do it or be it, I’m going to support it because we all need a cheerleader.To help her achieve this lofty, if not almost impossible goal, I submitted her photos to a prestigious modeling agency, they called us in, and then they agreed to represent my 4 year old.She is pretty cute, if I do say so myself:), and I figured what a better place to start than some print work. Of course,fast forward a couple months later, she books her first job. Its a commercial. Amazing right? No, well, it was to us. She was excited, our friends were excited, our family was excited, myself, I was too exhausted from organizing an unexpected relocation to really comprehend how exciting it was. It was to be a commercial for a local car dealership. We were in set the mandatory 15 minutes early, of course we had been sitting outside in the car for a 1/2 hour before that but we couldn’t come in, per instructions from our agency. Apparently, its unprofessional.We walk in the door with our 4 outfits they asked me to bring, of course they left her in the faded jeans, ugg boots, and long sleeve t-shirt and navy polo she walked in with. Oh, that is with the exception of removing the polo (which was the only cute part of the entire outfit because it was the riding to the shoot outfit..not the actual outfit for the shoot:) I was all very surreal, hair and make up on my 4 year old.She sat straight in the chair , jibber jabbing the make up artists head off. We exchanged niceties and she told me how bright and beautiful my daughter was, something a mother can never hear too much of. Then we began the actual shoot, or what I’d like to refer to as “the train wreck of 2010”. My daughter was “the daughter”, to the family in the commercial. There were like 10 adult actors and my 1 child, did I mention she had never even done a print booking. Talk about putting all of your eggs in one basket. Jeez. It starts out the pretend Dad has to lift my little girl into the back of a pickup.Oh my, poor guy. My daughter is very tall for her age, she is like 45 inches tall and around 53 lbs. She is rock solid. This guy was about 5’10” and having trouble lifting my child. She was more than half his length and its awkward to lift a kid that tall, I should know. I looked on with pity and horror as this man struggled.My daughter just sat there, like a deer in headlights, except for the occasional cheese she tossed in the general direction of myself or the camera ( which she was not suppose to be looking at because she was supposed to be looking at her damned fake parents!)But I stood there, silent watching it all happen because Mom’s (like children) are on set to be seen and not heard. I was there strictly for moral support and legal reasons.They eventually finish the 15 or so takes, my daughter is totally confused by the people moving their mouth feigning conversation with no actual sound coming out.It was all very overwhelming for her. The bright lights,the strange man lifting her up..which by the way, every time he lifted her up, her shirt lifted up on her belly.She’s 4, so she paid no attention, but the adults (not even the fake Mommy…oh, you so know she doesn’t really have children)not one of them thought to pull her shirt down or tell her to do it. It was very frustrating.This could go on for days and it felt like it did. Let’s just sum it up by saying she is 4! She was tired , she was hungry, and she was overwhelmed but she didn’t have a meltdown, and she didn’t cry, and she didn’t act like a brat.She did everything they told her to do, to the best of her 4 year old ability. That was a long day and there is so much more that I could tell you but then I’d have to kill you:) She did ,however, at the end of the day, as we were leaving the shoot look me in the eyes and say, “Awww, dang it Mommy.It was my first commercial and all I got was this sparkly new hairpin!” I chuckled to myself, I guess that paycheck and all that excitement didn’t count for much..because , in her mind, all she got out of the day was “that sparkly new hairpin”. I asked her if she wanted to still be a “Movie Star”. She said ,”Sure Momma. I bet when I’m on Disney channel, they’ll give me all kinds of sparkly(SPark-A-LEE) new hairpins!”LOL. Keep on dreamin big, baby!
Disclaimer: This is in no way, shape, or form a dig at the process or my agency, this was about the train wreck that I had to watch my kid be part of because of her inexperience. It was like helplessly watching a car slide off into the ditch.Or watching your baby fall when learning to walk for the first time.It was inevitable, and you couldn’t stop it, it was just the circumstances and our naivete. We are looking forward to the next time, we’re going to fishtail…on purpose!
Seems lately, I have been spending a majority of my life in a never ending holding pattern. Think about that for a moment. Really think about it.Not moving forward, not achieving anything….just holding steady; making noise. On but not functioning.
I think a lot of moms feel this way sometimes. Like you are not living up to your potential but at the same time, you are doing everything you can to get by. Using ALL of your effort, just to get through a day. Well, now take that and multiply it by about a 1000 and you will be closer to the place I have been for the past few months. It’s starting to take its toll on me. I can feel myself slowly becoming weaker ; more vulnerable. On some days I feel like I’m walking around my life like an exposed nerve. Just waiting for the slightest breeze of change to send me into a tailspin. I feel like a broken record ,s o if you feel you’ve heard it before..walk away now.
Many of you are familiar with the situation that has consumed our lives for the past year and a half. There was May 2009, January 2010, and Now; life has been really rough with all this going on. I have been trying to hold it all together with minimal meltdowns and a stiff upper lip. It’s not always so easy. It’s very hard to run a household, take care of the children, pay the bills, run all the errands and keep the schedule with no respite; no help whatsoever. But it is much harder when you have a husband that you are happily married to but, due to circumstances beyond your or his control, he is not there. It makes me angry to know that I did all the leg work to have this marriage but I receive none of the benefits. We’re not divorced, we truly do love one another, he’s my best friend, he’s a good father, and thanks to our economy he is pulled away from us. I think it’s a completely different feeling than if I were a single Mother or we were divorced because its like having money and not being allowed to spend it versus just not having the money. It’s sort of like that you don’t miss what you never had. Well, I had have it, but I don’t have access. Which is possibly the most frustrating scenario ever.
Anyways, aside from all the other craziness, now we are getting ready for school to start. My eldest baby ( yes, she is still my baby) is getting ready to start kindergarten on the 19th. This will be a difficult day for me. I know this.Exposed nerve alert! Just the thought of that impending doom makes me tear up. It’s very emotional to let your child take that first step into growing up. It’s bigger than any first step thus far, at least that is how my heart is feeling right now. Due to this situation we are in, I am not sure that my husband is going to make it to the first day. It’s our first child’s , first day of kindergarten! You know, the first day of the rest of her life. This day will never come again. I feel that it is crucial that he is there, for all of us.He has missed a lot these past few months because of his job and I think this is unmissable; not just for her but for him, as well. So, to catch you up to speed; Mommy is in an emotional state of an exposed nerve; eldest girl is nervous about kindergarten and new school and her life completely changing; little sister will have a breakdown ( On the first day of her sister’s preschool, she screamed and cried as we left “BELLA!BELLA!” ( Just imagine Brando saying “Stella” but in the voice of a distraught 2 year old.) and me..trying to hold it all together. I don’t want to do this alone. I shouldn’t have to. This has me filled with trepidation and sadness. Is it wrong for me to want my family to be able to cohabitate like a normal family? Is it wrong to want my husband around for support? I mean, I don’t want to be a pain in the ass but when is it going to end? It all just keeps getting piled on! So, this is where I am..an exposed nerve.
Then, good news..great news. He’s been interviewing for about a month ( yes, you heard me right) with a company that would put him in a position that he would love. We get the call, with an offer that is acceptable. Great news, in theory. It means yet another move. It means its too late to get into a good school at this late of a date. It means having to try and sell our house (nobody buys in the Midwest after Labor Day) meaning we are screwed until next spring. It means finding all new schools, it means finding new doctors, dentists, ballet schools, friends and the list goes on and on. It really is good news but we can’t move until the house sells. What does all this mean? It means my husband got a great new job at a horrible time of the year for putting our house on the market, it means the taste in my mouth from trying to sell it last year on our previous move is still fresh in my mind and it scares the hell out of me, it means I’m still alone until at least next spring. I am trying to be positive and hold it all together but its hard when you’re an exposed nerve and there is no relief in immediate sight. Nobody ..NOBODY understands how this feels, unless they’ve been in this position ( for this long) and I don’t know too many people who have been in a holding pattern for this long. I know, in my mind, that when it is all said and done we will be in a much better position in our lives but the hard part is trying to survive the meantime. I deserve to be moving forward in my life,with my children, with my husband, with my dreams..not holding steady; holding on for dear life. I want to enjoy my life not just survive it. I think I can, I think I can….
As many of you have probably noticed, I have been MIA since last Thursday. I will start there. My Mother went into the hospital for a simple outpatient procedure on Thursday morning.After the almost 6 hour surgery was done ( yeah, I don’t know how that qualifies as outpatient but whatever),my sister calls me with an update that there has been a complication. A COMPLICATION? Not words that I ever want to hear in conjunction with anything to do with any of my loved ones, least of all the person who gave birth to me. A simple procedure turned into a rare complication that left my Mom with blood pooled around her heart. It was very scary for all of us, and I can’t imagine what my poor Mother went through waking from her surgery only to find that she could not breathe and felt as if she were going to die. It was an emergency and my own Mommy instincts kicked in and I immediately packed a small bag,called my husband to meet us, grabbed my girls, jumped in the car and headed home to Chicago to take care of my Mom. I’ve told you all before (on multiple occasions) that I am a complete control freak. Well, that means I can’t wait for someone else to call with updates. I had to go to my Mom to know that everything that could be done to get her well , was actually being done. My sisters and brothers who were closer were there but , maybe it has something to do with being the oldest, I had to be there. I got there that night and she was feeling pretty weak and helpless. They were giving her blood and loads of pain meds, she had a chest tube to drain the blood and a catheter sticking in her neck ,it was pretty gruesome to look at but all I cared about was her getting well. I could tell she was frightened when I walked in. So, I pulled my Mommy face on and I set out to make sure that I knew exactly what was going on, that she was comfortable and in capable hands and then I went to trying to make her smile ( which is exactly what she would have done for me). The first thing I said when I saw her, ” Mom, is there anything you won’t do to get me to come visit?” She chuckled and I felt better knowing that she could smile under the circumstances. She ended up in the hospital for a couple more days. I am happy to report she is home now and resting comfortably. I just wanted to thank all of you who had expressed concern. I just could not get to a computer under the circumstances; my mind was obviously on other things.
Next, when I returned and finally had a chance to read some of my comments I came across this gem from Robin @ Your Daily Dose and it made me smile. On a weekend when I was so exhausted and spent from the emotional roller coaster of the previous days that I thought a smile was impossible, this video she tagged me in for her Here’s to you Thursday post did. She says it reminds her of me / my blog. What are your thoughts?
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If you could have plastic surgery, would you? If so, what would you get done?
Yes, return my boobies to their original place of origin, some botox, maybe some ass implants, tummy tuck, lipo on my hips and butt:)
What laws have you broken?
Aren’t they only technically broken if you were caught? So following that logic, I will admit to speeding & maybe a little reckless driving.
What is your quirkiest habit?
I hate even numbers ( so I do shit in odd quantities but at the same time I crave equality..its gets dicey sometimes), I refuse to drink out of Styrofoam cups ( the sound and feel of my teeth touching it wigs my the hell out), eat baby corn ( Because it creeps me out) and last but not least I count the letters in words as people are speaking when I am anxious ( don’t laugh, I’ve talked to my doctor about it. Its an anxiety coping mechanism and its not uncommon).
If you only had 3 songs to listen to for the rest of your life what would they be?
This requires too much thought @ midnight but I will try…
Sweet Surrender by Sarah Mclachlin because it reminds me of my husband
Ottoman by Vampire Weekend because it makes me happy
Pretty Much anything that Keane has ever sung. I used to sing them to both my girls in utero and to rock them as newborns and that always makes me happy when I hear it.
and finally…
How often do you have sex?
Well considering that I only get to see my gorgeous husband 3 days a week, it ranges from 1 to 3 times a week:)
Now to catch up on my Be a Better Parent Challenges . I will catch us up by listing challenge 13-15.
I know we’ve all got some form of this – either it’s “in a second” or “give me a minute” or some variation of the above, but it’s basically translated in little brains as “Never” “Mommy won’t keep this promise” or ” I say in a minute but this probably won’t happen”. It’s a bad habit and its sending my kids the wrong messages; that they are unimportant and Mommy doesn’t keep her promises.
This is a challenging one, but it’s made much easier when you give your kids an actual MEASURABLE TIME. And then, the hard part, sticking to it.
I love this challenge because I know from experience that this really does work for me and it works wonders for my daughters’ self confidence. Now, it’s super easy to compliment your child when they do something awesome, but it’s a little harder to remember to catch the smaller things – things that you might not generally notice but could really do with some positive reinforcement so that THEY KEEP DOING THEM!
That means everything from playing nicely with a sibling, responding to you after only one request – the simple things.The sorts of behaviors, actions, and reactions that often times go unnoticed because they are, in our grown up minds, small. However, they are not small in the long run and may actually be a big feat for a teething toddler to master.
For example; “I love how you’re sharing your dolls with your sister.” or “I really appreciate that you picked up your socks the first time I asked you.Thank you”
It’s way more effective than telling them “no” or “don’t do that” all the time.Plus, I get pretty tired of always sounding negative.I don’t want my kids to think they are bad kids because they are always being reprimanded.
There will still be plenty of times where you’ll be doing that – don’t get me wrong, but catching them being good is a fabulous way to get them headed in the right direction
(your direction). Try it! – and tell me how it went tomorrow!
I know it may seem odd to just create a tradition for today, but the least you can do is start thinking about it. And by tradition, I mean some sort of weekly family ritual that you do every week – something that your kids can count on, look forward to, and something that’s uniquely yours (and theirs).Something they can look back on fondly and pass on to their own children.
I suppose an easy and common one is the big Sunday breakfast – whether it’s going out to eat after mass or making a big Sunday brunch at home.
Maybe it’s a weekly game night or make your own pizza night where the kids gets to pick the toppings they eat for their own pizza and top it. Perhaps it’s ice cream on Saturdays or a Thursday night dance party where you dress up and blast the music in your living room.We tend to like to have Slumber parties on Friday nights ( we do Manis and pedis , crazy PJ’s, and popcorn) or Saturday night Rock band marathons.
You may even already do this, and if you do, please share. And if you don’t, now is a great time to come up with one. I figure a part of better parenting is creating fun, positive memories for our kids, and something like this will do just the trick.Can’t wait to hear all of your new traditions fro your families.
And I almost forgot
One more thing…
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Yesterday’s Be A Better Me (You) Challenge- Day 7 ~ Make yourself a Priority went pretty well. Well, it went as well as a Tuesday could possibly go in my house. Today we’re going to figure out how to get yourself a life after motherhood.
The girls didn’t actually go to sleep until almost 7 pm, so that threw my whole plan off. I never actually got to work out BUT I did get my hot shower in peace and in lieu of working out, I enjoyed a slowly eaten ice cream cone..all by myself. Counterproductive; yes, not a great choice; probably not, all for me; definitely.
But I did make myself a priority and this morning instead of running like a maniac when I returned from dropping Bella off, I’m catching up on emails and leisurely reading some really great blogs! This is a priority to me,something I don’t always get to do but today I did! And it was really nice to feel like what I wanted to do was important.
This is simple, well, in theory it is. Find something you like to do, just you, for the sheer pleasure or passion of it and do it. It’s not impossible to get a life after motherhood, you just have to work at it. For me, my passion is writing so this blog is mine; for me and by me. It may chronical my family at times but mostly it is for me to be able to write and to keep me sane. As an added bonus, I have met some wonderful women through my blog and the community that I have built. Before my blog, my whole life; every minute of every day was revolving around someone else. Granted it still does about 99% of the day, but for that 1 % of the day; of my life I can be inside my own head. I can be Debi. It’s a baby step in the grand scheme of things, I know that but it eases me into pursuing my passions and keeping touch with myself.
When my kids are grown and I don’t have them to focus on every second of every day what will I be left with? What will you be left with? I want to be left with something for me. An accomplishment that I’ve done on my own. This blog gives me something outside of being a Mother that I can identify with and be proud of on my own. I am fully aware that this sounds ironic since I am a Mommy blogger and the whole basis of my blog is Mommying but the part that is my own is that I write it. When I write it, it may very well focus on my children and being a Mother but it allows me to have an opinion, a perspective, a say in it all. It allows me to make it a part of my life instead of the other way around.
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I think we all need that one thing that is our own. It keeps us tethered to the women we are inside. There is more to all of us than just being someone else’s wife or Mother. I feel better about myself when I feel like I have a contribution to make to the world besides just breeding. I’m not saying that Mommying isn’t my main role and it is one of the most important things that I will ever do. I know that! I embrace that. But I also know, as Mommies, we have it burned into our brain that if we do anything for ourselves we are shortchanging our family. That is simply not true.
By having a life, we are showing them that it is possible to have their cake and eat it too. This is especially an important lesson for our girls to learn early on. By enriching ourselves, we are enriching the kind of life we can provide to them; the kind of mother we are. It’s a ripple effect. Now, go get a life!
What do you do just for you? What is a hidden talent that you have that you’ve almost forgotten was there? Go use your God-given talent, don’t waste your gift.
